TV Quotes

[Lise]

Puck: That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire, but she sure can sing.

Doesn't change the fact that I think you and her are hot together. Puck!

Everything Rachel says is quotable. She's just brilliant.

I just have to post these two from Puck -

"Are you questioning my badassedness?"

"Have you seen my guns?"

[Formerly Known as FKAJ]

From the show Dead Like Me:

George: [voiceover] They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die? That might be true if you're terminally ill, or your parachute doesn't open...

[she looks up to see a flaming toilet seat heading straight for her.]

George: [voiceover] … but if death sneaks up on you, the only thing you have time to think is...

George: Aw, s&!t.

From the Colbert Report

“In the early days of coal mining, it was dirty, dangerous work, as seen in this sad footage." Cue a clip from the 80s arcade game Dig Dug. "We lost a lot of good men to inflatable dragons.”

[xGlowingAngelx]

From As The World Turns. (The US Soap Opera. I've been watching Reid's story via YT).

Reid Oliver is a legend!

Luke: You see-

Reid: What I see is the big, fat, silver spoon in your mouth that I hope you choke on.

***

Paitent: Have you ever done this kind of surgery before?

Reid: No. I've been waiting for a case that was so hopeless, it paid to give it a shot.

Patient: And that's me?!

Reid: How cool is that?

Patient: What if it doesn't work?

Reid: Then I'm going to look really bad.

Patient: What about me?!

Reid: Yeh, you'll probably look a lot worse.

***

Reid: (To the same patient above) Don't worry. If you die, at least you'll know there was nobody on this earth who could save you.

***

Reid: (After Luke walked into him). That's funny, I thought your boyfriend would be the one having trouble seeing people in his way.

***

Henry: You're gay?

Reid: That's right.

Henry: How do you know?

Reid: Are you an idiot?

Henry: I'm not going to answer that question.

Reid: Oh, golly, that just opens us up to hours of speculation, doesn't it?

***

Luke: You're messing with me. You're not gay!

Reid: You're requiring proof? How would that work exactly?

***

Reid: (To Luke) Some people deserve kindness. Others.... are like you.

***

Reid: You're telling me that if I'd told you I'm a Pisces, yet, ironically allergic to fish, you and I would have bonded?

Luke: ..... maybe.

***

Reid: (after Luke called him childish) it's not as childish as you chasing me all over Town whining that I'm not going to play with your toy.

***

Reid: (to Luke) Oh my god, you're sitting down?

***

Luke: You want to operate on Noah today?

Reid: What I want is to be drinking a beer back in Texas, but I'm prepared to operate.

Luke: But he just had lunch. You can't eat and then go under anesthsia.

Reid: Really? I hadn't heard that....

***

Nurse: Are you alright, doctor Oliver?

Reid: I'm fine.

Nurse: Would you like me to take a look at your hand for you? You look like you're in pain.

Reid: I said I'm fine! Will you just go and pretend to do your job somewhere else?

***

Reid: (To Katie) Holy Co-dependency!

***

Maddie: (To Noah) I'll come pick you up later.

Reid: Wait! You can't just leave him here! What if he trips over a nurse?!!!

***

Reid: You can scratch off the lady in room 402.

Bob: What happened?

Reid: She drove me nuts with her questions, so I strangled her.

***

Luke: I don't want to blackmail you. I just want you to operate on Noah so he can see again. That's it.

Reid: That's it? Why didn't you say so? Here. Call my office in Dallas, schedule yourself an appointment. I should have an opening this time next year, if you're lucky, you can wait in line like everyone else.

***

Judge: Looks like you've run into some trouble here in Oakdale, Dr Oliver

Reid: What I have run into is a confederacy of idiots. Lots and lots of idiots with a few jerks sprinkled in. Your doctors went to clown college, your cops are dumber than rocks ..... and that's a medical diagnosis.

***

Bob: Kurt, Kim was behind the wheel of the car that Dr. Oliver struck.

Reid: Kurt? You two know each other? What am I saying?

***

Bob: If I was you, I'd throw him in a cell and leave him there. But that would be a great disservice to patients that might benefit from his enormous skill, which, unfortunately, is in direct proportion to his enormous ego!

***

Luke: Sorry to interrupt.

Reid: No you're not.

Luke: Do you have a minute? Just to talk.

Reid: Not really. This hospital's full of whiny hypochondriacs. Must be something in the water....

***

Luke: I know, for a fact, that Noah's case doesn't bore you.

Reid: You bore me. That's enough of a reason as far as I'm concerned.

Luke: You said that Noah's surgery recovery would be very time consuming....

Reid: Think you're going to win points by repeating my words back to me?

***

Reid: I have rounds to make.

Luke:Yeh I heard that that guy in the next room has a wicked case of athletes foot.I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have a world class neurosurgeon come in and help take that burning itch away....

***

Luke: You need more money.

Reid: Yeh and you're loaded.

Luke: And you're insane!

***

Katie: Will you take a look at my baby?

Reid: Do I have to?

***

Katie: So, what kind of a doctor are you?

Reid: Neurosurgeon.

Katie:You're a brain surgeon?!

Reid: Don't look so shocked!

***

Reid: (To Henry) If you frisk me, I'm going to have to ask you to take me out to dinner first.

***

Reid: Don't worry, Henry. You can trust me.

Henry: Why should I?

Reid: You know? I don't know.

***

Katie: You should let me know when you're going to be moving in, so I can make room for your stuff.

Reid: I don't have any stuff. I was kidnapped and brought here against my will.

***

Henry: (To Reid) Your smiling. You never smile. What's the matter with you?

***

Katie: Is this a hug?

Reid: Absolutely not!

***

Bob: He got annoyed with Henry Coleman and he diagnosed him with TB.

Kim: You're kidding!

Reid: He needed a time out.

***

Reid: I learnt a long time ago that the most imprtant thing in life in sincerity. Once you can fake that, you can fake anything!

***

Reid: What's the emergency? Did you snap a string on your tennis racket?

***

Luke: I was hoping Dr. Hughes could look at these and tell me how Damian died.

Reid: Looks like he suffered a blow to the head, may I see the others?

Luke: Why?

Reid: Maybe I can solve this mystery myself.

Luke: No. Thanks. I think I'll wait for Doctor Hughes.

Reid: Mr. Snyder, you're being offered the expertise of one of the top neurosurgeons in the world, and you're going to turn it down? Just how stupid are you?

***

Reid: Who are you again?

Luke: You know who she is. She's my mother.

Reid: Oh right. The one who's married to the dead guy and the killer. Interesting life you lead.

***

Reid: I'm sorry, forgive me. One minute the authorities think that your father is the corpse, the next minute they think that he's the killer?

Luke: Well, obviously, I have two different fathers!

***

Luke: I can't believe that you think that I'm arrogant!

Reid: *sarcastically* I can't hear you.

***

Noah: Is that why you're distracted?

Reid: No. Once again, it's your boyrfiend.

Noah: Luke?

Reid: How many boyfriends does one blind guy have?

***

Reid: Glad I found you.

Luke: *confused* Why?

Reid: No reason...... So, how's it going?

Luke: How's what going?

Reid: You know.... life.

Luke: Seriously?

Reid: Yeh. How's the boyfriend?

Luke: You mean ex-boyfriend, and you'd know better than I would, you see him every day.

Reid: Oh yeh. Right. Erm... he's good. In case you were wondering.

Luke: What is wrong with you?!

Reid: Nothing. I'm just being friendly.

Luke: Why? You don't do friendly.

Reid: There's no reason why we... can't get along.

Luke: Seriously?! The world's greatest doctor and Richie Rich

Reid: Yeh..... sorry about that. I was just being....

Luke: What? Friendly?

Reid: Yeh. Right.

Luke: Well, you can stop, because it really doesn't suit you. You obviously want something, so why don't you just ask me. I'll say no and then you can go back to being yourself.

***

Reid: I know we've had our differences, but I think we should try to get along better.

Luke: Why?

Reid: For Noah's sake.

Luke: For Noah's sake? You're a little late, doc.I already told you, we broke up.

Reid: I've heard that before....

Luke: Yeh well, this time it's true.

Reid: OK. Well, if you ever need somebody to talk to....

Luke: Ok! ok! ok! ok! Just stop, and tell me what you want!

***

Molly: I'll make some calls too. A good neurologist can't be that hard to find.

Reid: You'd be surprised.

Luke: You came....

Reid: Yeh I came. Lets not get all..... weepy.

***

Luke: So, what's the verdict? Is he just another boring, blind guy who's not worthy of your talent?

Reid: ... I don't like you.

Luke: Yeh, I got that.

***

Luke: I don't know how to thank you.

Reid: Well, how about this; as soon as I'm finished restoring Noah's eyesight, I ever hear from you again. And you throw away the dirt that you have on me.

Luke: Deal.

Reid: It better be a deal. I'm the one who's gonna be cutting open your boyfriends head.

OK, That's enough for now. No, I'm not in any way obsessed with Luke, Reid or their non! relationship. Honestly.

[ChelsLuvsDef_Leppard87]

quotes from 1st season of Roseanne (a 80's sitcom show)

Becky: Cindy Clark's mom lets her stay home alone!

Roseanne: YEAH WELL CINDY CLARK'S MOM IS A DRUNKEN slut

becky- cindy clark's mom pays her two dollars an hour to babysit

roseanne- well cindy clark's mother is a RICH drunken slut

Perfume counter saleswoman: You know what the fastest way to a man's heart is?

Roseanne: Yeah... through his chest.

[xGlowingAngelx]

More Reid/Luke goodies:

Reid:[/b ]Interesting hobby.

Luke: What?

Reid: Looking at photos of dead people. I mean, I prefer Chess myself, but to each his own.

-

[Referring to a patient]

Bob: She was scared. She needed reassurance.

Reid: And you assigned her to me? Just how advanced is your dimentia?

-

Reid: Can we keep the yelling to a minimum? It scared the bleeding people.

Henry: I want a doctor, I want another doctor, I want a likeable doctor, I want an ethical doctor

Reid: We're all out of those I'm afraid. It's either me, or an intern who can't pin on his own name tag.

Henry: Fine. I'll take my chances with the intern.

-

Luke: You're standing on one of my papers.

Reid: Am I?

-

After finding out Kim & Bob aren't legally married. (am highlighting the word that makes the speech funny, because I'm being safe and it may be considered offensive.)

Reid: (To Chris) I always knew you were a

bastard.

I just didn't realise it was official.

-

Reid: (To Katie) Luke and Noah are destined to have a very long life together. They're the gay Bob and Kim!

-

Luke: Could you stop being so outraged and just TRY to toe the line?

Reid: Could you TRY taking a hike since you don't know what the hell you're talking about?

-

Luke: (about Annie) He's gonna take about her final days. He's gonna take about how she died. He's going to break their hearts!

Reid: With any luck, one of them will be a cardiologist.

-

Luke: People think you're a brilliant doctor because you're fearless. They don't know it's because you care so much.

Reid: You sound like a self-indulgent celebrity therapist.

Luke: Why do you do that? You came so close to being a real human, with real emotions and you just go right back to being a jerk.

Reid: You're wrong, Mr. Snyder. I'm always a jerk.

-

Luke: Oh.... You're not erm..... Room Service.

Reid: You're not erm.... dressed.

-

Reid: Only the pretentious do business in tuxedo's, Mr Snyder.

Luke: Well then you must own several.

-

Reid: Don't let me keep you from you're appinted rounds. If there's flesh that you need to press then go ahead and fundraise.

Luke: *snickers* You know what? I didn't think this was possible, but you are even crankier than usual.

-

Luke: Do you have your wallet on you?

Reid: My wallet?

Luke: Yeh, we're gonna need it. We're going out.

Reid: Don't tell me...... you found the nearest gay bar?

-

and the rest that just made me squee all over the place.

Luke: A kiss is just a kiss.

Reid: Don't worry Luke, it wont happen again..... unless you want it to.

-

Reid: Hey! I haven't said anything insulting to you in at least 48 hours.

Luke: Yeh..... what happpened?

-

Reid: I'm just saying, for him (noah) to keep dumping on you after everything you've done for him? Frankly, it's rude.

Luke: You're not blind and you're rude. What's your excuse?

-

Luke: Being wanted by someone like you. It's a compliment.

Reid: Yes it is.

-

Luke and Reid are thisclose to kissing, when the doorbell rings. (The Pizza guy)

Reid: This guys gonna get a lousy tip.

-

Luke: Alright, let me get this straight: My ex might get his eyesight back tomorrow, and we can\\\'t talk about that, but you are free to tell me every reason that Noah and I shouldn't be together?

Reid: Yeh. That about sums it up.

-

Luke: You were too busy trying to start something with me.

Reid: I thought we were starting something together.

-

Reid: What is my sinister plan? Huh? Keep him blind so he needs you? Restore his sight so he wants you back?

-

Luke and Reid are again thisclose to kissing, when Reid's pager goes off.

Reid: Oh really?!

-

I'll be honest, I adore them.

EDIT: (12th May)

Now, I don't much like Noah anymore, but he did make me LOL tonight:

Reid: What's your name?

Noah: Did you forget?

-

EDIT: (14th May)

Luke: [Noah's] feeling better. Isn't that all that matters?

Reid: Not to me! I don't care how he feels!

Nice and blunt there, Reid.

--

And this one, just for the *thud* worthyness of it.

Luke: We're trying to work things out.

Reid: Good luck with that, Mr Snyder.

Reid goes to leave and Luke stops him by diving in front of him.

Luke: Don't call me that!

<3!!!!

-

Luke: I hate lying to Noah.

Reid: So don't.

Luke: I already have. He saw us in the hallway the other day.

Reid: So?

Luke: So... if his sight had been any clearer, he would have seen that we were-

Reid: That we're really hot for each other?

Luke: That's not funny!

Reid: You'll know when I'm trying to be funny.

-

Reid: Maybe this is something you want to keep from him.

Luke: What's wrong with you?

Reid: What's wrong with you?!!!

-

Lily: Doctor Oliver, Hello!

Reid: Hello!

-

Lily: Noah is as much my son as Luke is.

Reid: How nice for all of you.

-

EDIT: [31/5/10]

Noah's "friend" Richard is made of win, seriously.

Noah's seen ex boyfriend Luke kissing his (Noah's) neurosurgeon, Reid. It's the first time Noah's seen Luke clearly in about 7 months, because of his accident that left him blind. Richard walks over.

Richard: You OK?

Noah: Yeah, I was just.... who is it? That's in there with Luke?

Richard: That's your doctor, Dude.

Noah: That's Doctor Oliver?

Richard: *awkward* Told you he was hot.

ROFLMAO.

--

Luke: (On Reid's microwave dinner) What is that?

Red: Nutrition.

Luke: It's all.... brown and mushy.

Reid: Nobody's asking you to eat it.

Luke: Well you don't have to either. My Mom's having some people over for dinner. There's gonna be lots of free food.

Reid: What kind of food?

Luke: The edible kind.

--

Luke: Noah loved me, and I loved him, and that is not a joke, that's a mircale, and for it to all fall apart the way that it did... Yeh, that hurts. A lot. As it should.

Reid: Can I at least get a snack, for the road?

--

Bob: Doctor Oliver is brilliant.

Luke: and.... abrasive.

Bob: ... and then some.

--

Reid: You can book another follow-up appointment with the nurse outside for two weeks from now. Do you have any questions?

Noah: Yeh! I was curious about when you started having feelings for my boyfriend?

Reid: *Rips a sheet from his file and hands it to Noah* Second or third time I laid eyes on him.

--

Noah: How often have you done it?

Reid: I've done lots of things with lots of people. You're gonna have to narrow that one down a bit.

--

Reid: Is that official? Are we no longer doctor and patient.

Noah: That's official.

Reid: Thank you. I\'ve been looking forward to this day

--

Noah: Are we done?

Reid: Yeh. Thanks to me, you can now see the door. Use it.

--

Bob: Why didn't you tell me you were having a personal relationship with Luke Snyder outside of this hospital?

Reid: I wouldn't call it that.

--

Reid: (To Luke) It's rude to stare, even at a genius.

--

Luke: I know you're gonna tell me to mind my own business, but I still think that something is bugging you.

Reid: Mind your own business.

--

Luke: So, aside from Bob making you do this tour, you're totally fine?

Reid: Ducky!

--

Reid: This new wing, that he loves to show off so much? It's state of the art. Why is is state of the art? Because I'm state of the art. I designed that wing. I'm the best of the best at what I do. That's not the ego talking, that is simply fact

--

Reid: I broke things off with Luke.

Katie: Why?!

Reid: Bob Hughes made me choose between running the best neuro-facility in the region and being Luke Snyder's boyfriend. It's obvious which was the right choice, it was a no-brainer, so why do I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin?

Katie: You feel that way because you're falling in love.

Reid: Well then. the sappy greeting cards have it all wrong, because I've never felt worse in my life.

Katie: *pats his arm* Well! Welcome to the human race, Reid! We've been waiting for ya!

--

Katie: It only feels bad because you're not together.

Reid: But that's not my choice!

Katie: WHAT?! you just stood there and told me it was and you made the best one! Urgh, you're infuriating! No wonder you drive Luke crazy!

--

Bob: I wanted to have the chance to thank you.

Reid: That makes one of us.

[ChelsLuvsDef_Leppard87]

Quotes from Home Improvement season 7-episode 2-Clash of the Taylors

Randy: You're a tyrannical fascist.

Tim: Did he just call me a dinosaur?

[twinkletoesjess]

Supernatural, season 3 episode 16

Sam: Don’t Dean! I’m not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!

Dean: Yes, you are!…Yes, you are.

I’m sorry. I mean this is all my fault, I know that. But what you’re doing, it’s not gonna save me. It’s only gonna kill you.

Sam: Then, what am I supposed to do?

Dean: Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Sam, remember what dad taught you… ok?…And remember what I taught you.

Supernatural, season 3 episode 7

Sam: What’s with the auto shop?

You don’t mean you want…

Dean: Yeah, I do. You fix it.

Sam: Dean, you barely let me drive this thing.

Dean: Well, it’s time. You should know how to fix it. You’re gonna need to know these things for the future. And besides, that’s my job, right? Show my little brother the ropes?

[rockstarrr08]

Greys Anatomy finale (Season Six):

Arizona: "Do not alarm the makers of the tiny humans. They will eat you alive"

_____

Callie: "People died. People are dead. I...I don't wanna have kids if it means I can't be with you."

Arizona: "No...No...We'll have kids. We'll have all kinds of kids...And I love you so much. And I can't live without you and our 10 kids...and... [Callie kisses Arizona]"

_____

Derek: [voiceover] Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the most important choice. And it’s not always in our hands.

[xGlowingAngelx]

*COUGH* (I promise, this will only continue until September at the latest.)

Luke: I heard you resigned from Memorial.

Reid: Somebody's been blogging again!

Luke: Noah told me.

Reid: Of course he did.

Luke: ... and he also told me the reason why.

Reid: ... It's quite a leap of faith assuming that a humble barrista would know why I'd do anything.

--

Reid: Let me clarify the sitation, so there's no misunderstanding.

Luke: That'd be a first!

--

Luke: This was a mistake, me coming here.

Reid: At last! We agree on something. Have a nice evening.

--

Bob: Luke stood up for you today.

Reid: Who did what now?

--

Reid: I can't believe I am in a relationship with somebody so cloyingly naive.

--

Reid: (To Bob) People actually do what you ask them to do, without you threatening their children or kicking their pets.

--

Luke: You just made that Nurse cry!

Reid: Oh she'll get over it!

--

Reid: I get on really well with people.

Luke: With what people? I want names.

--

Reid: You wanna get some coffee?

Luke: Yeah, sure. After you can talk to someone without making them cry, or wanna kill you.

--

Roleplaying (In a perfectly innocent way!) to improve Reid's "People Skills"

Luke: I will be playing the part of a Nurse and you just be your terrible self.

--

Luke: Doctor Oliver, I have a question about some of these orders.

Reid: Can't you read?

Luke: *looks at Reid blankly* Do you have to be so insulting?

Reid: If you have to be a Nurse, do you have to be a stupid nurse?

--

Trying for the second time.

Luke: Doctor Oliver, I have a question about some of these orders.

Reid: You know, you're kinda hot. I know you're only a Nurse, but errr, you wanna play Doctor?

--

Luke: You're flirting with the Nurse?

Reid: Yeh, it's better than yelling at them though, right?

--

Luke: If you can play nice with me, you can play nice with anyone.

Reid: What if I only wanna play nice with you?

^^That was 50/50 between being pure fluff and pure hot!

--

Reid attempting to be nice. Luke kinda has his work cut out.

Luke: *nodding towards the Nurse* Here's your chance!

Reid: Oh no! Not this one again. She leaks... the tears.

--

Nurse Gretchen *freaked out by Reid* What did I do wrong now?!

Reid: Nothing. Not as far as I know. But, given your track record, it's highly possible you've committed some catastrophic wonder since I've been gone... Where are you going? Where's she going? She asked me a question, I answered, I WAS BEING CIVIL!

--

Reid: Why come to me? Why can't you order this from the Pharmacy yourself?

Chris: I don't want to take that chance.

Reid: Picking up the phone is a relatively low-risk procedure.

--

Luke: Whenever I was with Noah, I was the one who was always late.

Reid: Well, trust me, I'm not cosmic punishment, but I'll tell you this: If you bring up your boyfriend at the start of every date, it's not gonna go well.

Luke: You're kidding?.... Oh, come on, Reid. You operated on Noah, you knew him, you liked him.

Reid: It doesn't mean I wanna raise a glass to your good old days!

--

Luke: So.... the date begins.

Reid: *pauses* Alright, out with it; Why do you look like somebody just ran off with your trust-fund?

--

Reid: (To Bob & Kim) You two haven't seen Chris, have you?

Bob: He's playing Golf.

Reid: He's playing Golf?!

--

Chris: Will you please just go?

Reid: (said so very nonchalantly stubborn) Nope!

--

Reid: *checking Chris's pulse* What's going on? How're you doing?

Chris: Nothing, nothing. I'm, I'm-

Reid: Your pulse is erratic.

Chris: I'm-

Reid: If you tell me that you're fine one more time, I am gonna smack you.

--

Reid & Chris's golfing buddy (whose name I have forgotten): Are you accusing me of cheating?

Reid: Well, unless you know a better name for it.

--

Golfing Buddy: You have some gaul, Oliver. You show up here, uninvited, then you horn in on our game and now you have the aduacity to accuse me of cheating? You're not even a member!

Reid: Like I'd wanna be! Full club built around men in Pasto Polyester pants chasing aroud little balls and calling it exercise? Don't even get me started on what Golf Courses do to the environment!

--

Golfing Buddy: Chris, will you forgive me if I bow out? I've been insulted enough for one day. You and I will get together and we'll play without any interruptions. *walks off*

Reid: (calling after him) Oh well, hey, it was good g-getting to know you! YOU DA MAN!!!

^Seriously roflmao.

--

EDIT: [8/9/10] (Probably my last edit, because Reid's no more

Reid's on a hospital bed, trying to tell Luke something, he's getting all worked up.

Nurse: (To Luke) Please, sir. He shouldn't be agitated.

Luke: He's always agitated!

Oh, Luke.

--

And the most heartbreaking one of them all...

Luke's told Katie of Reid's death.

Luke: No, but he's not.... He's not really gone. As long as a part of him lives on inside of Chris. But Chris has got to make it, Katie. Please, please you've got to tell me that he's going to make it, because otherwise...... It is Reid's heart! It's Reid's heart! *luke breaks down in Katie arms*

--

Mr Morterer (Guy from the Funeral Home): Are you the family of the Deceased?

Luke: No. But I guess I'm the closest thing he had to one.

*Amy (me) sobs her heart out all over her laptop.*

[Formerly Known as FKAJ]

This exchange from Gilmore Girls:

Paris: My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie.

Rory: How so?

Paris: I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It's Thanksgiving. You'd think they'd have needs. Nope, every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers.

Madeline: Bummer

Paris: I'm on a couple of waiting lists but it doesn't look good.

Rory: I've never heard of too many volunteers.

Paris: Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can't all be students like me. They're not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don't get a thing. Talk about selfish!