Quick Fanfiction Contest Archive

[Jen]

Quick Fanfiction Contest #18

There is no set theme for this contest except your story must include the following words:

dancer, book, cherries, sea, purple, mirror, heart.

I only received one entry, so please take the time to read and post a comment for the author .

This thread will be closed on Saturday, 13th November, 2010. 5pm WST (8pm AEDST)

**

Charlie left Angelo on a Tuesday morning. It was barely light when she tiptoed out of their bedroom, her heart thumping in her chest. Once in the living room, she pulled the packed bag out of the cupboard and hastily ran to the front door. Glancing around the room for the last time she blinked hard, surprised at the tears she could feel welling up. Charlie cast her eyes over the cluttered living room; files piled up on the coffee table, wedding pictures waiting to be framed, numerous mugs scattered on every surface. It infuriated her that he used a new one every time he wanted a refill. It was a quirk she found impossible to tolerate. The glass bowl decorated with cherries that had been a gift from her mother in law. She hated it. Angelo’s insistence that it be displayed in their living room angered her beyond belief. Every day she’d wince at its ugliness. Her husband didn’t seem to care. It was abundantly clear that his work was all he cared for, or at least where his priorities lay. She scanned the room one last time, her eyes momentarily lingering on the framed photo of her with Ruby. She prayed she would understand. A lump formed in her throat as her daughter’s beaming face stared back at her. Forcing herself to look away, she pulled off her wedding band and gently placed it on the shelf. She should never have accepted it in the first place.

***********************************

‘Hey look at you,’ Rachel laughed as her baby daughter rolled onto her stomach and kicked her little legs in the air while simultaneously banging her fists on the carpet. Beaming up at Rachel, the little girl gurgled and rolled over onto her back, kicking her legs high in the air and reaching out with her hands. Rachel grinned as Jessica squirmed and giggled. ‘You’re mummy’s little dancer,’ Rachel proclaimed as she scooped her up and rested her on her hip. ‘Let’s go and see what your big brother is up too,’ she mused. She’d left him watching cartoons in the living room while she changed Jessica in the nursery. ‘Harry,’ she called as found the living room empty. ‘Harry,’ she shouted, slight panic in her voice. Rachel found him in the bathroom. He was standing in the bath, surrounded by half empty bottles shampoo and various lotions. ‘Oh. My. God.’ Rachel gasped in horror. Body cream was smeared on the tiles and conditioner dripped off the edge of the bath. ‘What have you done?’ Rachel grabbed her son and hauled him out of the bath with her free arm. ‘I only left you for five minutes,’ she yelled angrily. ‘That’s very bad of you Harry!’ Guilt overcame her as he started to cry, his bottle lip trembling. He was just like his father. Sighing she crouched down and placed Jessica on the mat. Reaching out to her son she put her hands on his shoulders. ‘Did you put anything in your mouth?’ Harry shook his head solemnly. ‘Good.’ Rachel sighed heavily. ‘Where is your father,’ she muttered under her breath as Jessica started to bawl. A few hours later, when Rachel heard about Charlie’s disappearance her first though wasn’t fear, worry or sadness. It was how lucky she was to have escaped. And how she wished, just for a few brief moments, that she could too.

***********************************

‘Ruby!’ Xavier knocked on the bathroom door. ‘Rubes are you okay?’

‘Yes! I’ll be right out!’ Ruby yelled abruptly. ‘Get a grip,’ she muttered as she glanced in the mirror. She looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles. It had been exactly 12 hours, 14 minutes and around 8 seconds since Charlie had left. Well according to Angelo’s guess as to when she left the house. It was like she’d been punched in the stomach. Charlie had not said one word to her about being unhappy or wanting to leave Summer Bay. To Ruby it was inconceivable that her mother would just walk out on her without so much as an explanation. Since the wedding a few months back she’d been living with Irene; wanting to give them time to enjoy being newlyweds. Now she was consumed by thoughts that if she’d lived with her maybe she would have noticed something was wrong and now she wouldn’t be in this mess. Ruby grabbed the bottle from under the sink and gulped back the vodka, wincing as it hit her throat and warmed her stomach. ‘Screw you,’ she thought as tears fell down her cheeks.

******************************************

‘Rach,’ Tony called as he let himself into the house. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ he smiled sheepishly as she came out from the bedroom. ‘James’s just found out he’s going to be a dad again so we went out for a few beers.’

‘Nice of you to let me know,’ Rachel muttered.

‘I did.’ Tony stated, confused. ‘Maybe if you checked your phone a little more you’d see.’ He rolled his eyes as he flopped onto the sofa.

‘Maybe if you were home a little more I wouldn’t have too,’ Rachel glared at him. ‘When was the last time you put Harry and Jessica to bed?’

‘Two nights ago,’ he replied firmly. ‘What the hell is this all about?’ He was slightly stunned. ‘Are you accusing me of not caring about the kids?’

No.’ Rachel sighed. ‘I’m just tired of being copped up all day with two children and no adult conversation. Harry was a nightmare today.’ Rachel bit her lip and rubbed her face tiredly. ‘And as pathetic as it sounds I was actually looking forward to having dinner with my husband after being with Harry and Jessica constantly since I woke up this morning. Anyways your food is in the oven.’ She shrugged and turned towards the bedroom.

‘Rach, come here,’ Tony turned around. ‘Don’t be like that.’

‘I’m tired. I’m going to bed.’ She didn’t look back. Tony sighed as he watched his disappear into the bedroom. He figured it was probably best to leave her. Cursing under his breath he went to the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge, figuring he might as well enjoy the rest of his night.

******************************************

‘I can’t believe she’s gone,’ Leah adjusted the white and purple sun umbrella on Jessica’s buggy before dropping to her knees on the beach towel. Staring out to sea Leah rested her hands on her knees. Angelo had called the previous morning to say she was gone. Money had been withdrawn from her account, her passport and a selection of clothes had been taken.

‘I know,’ Rachel agreed as she gently rubbed sun cream on Harry’s face. ‘It shows you how easy it is to just leave your life behind.’

‘She didn’t even say anything to Ruby.’ Leah shook her head in disbelief. ‘Her own daughter. And after everything she’s been through these past few years. She actually chose to study at University locally so she could be nearer her.’

‘I guess things just got too much,’ Rachel smiled at Harry. ‘There you go sweetie, go build the best sandcastle ever.’

‘Okay mummy,’ he said seriously, squatting himself next to her with his blue bucket and spade.

‘I’ll help you in a minute okay?’ She ruffled his dark curly hair.

‘Yes but,’ Leah sat down and crossed her legs. ‘You don’t just walk out on your husband of 3 months and your daughter. I mean her and Angelo are newlyweds. Aren’t they supposed to be in marital bliss right now?’

‘Why are you asking me?’ Rachel started at her in wonderment. ‘I was six months pregnant when I got married, remember? It wasn’t exactly how I imagined it.’ She looked at Leah, discomfited.

‘Rachel is everything okay?’ Leah brushed her hair out of her eyes and inched closer.

‘Fine,’ she shrugged. ‘I just understand why Charlie felt she had no other option. I guess her leaving has really made me realise a few things.’

‘Rachel you’re really scaring me.’ Panic rose in her voice. ‘Are you saying you want to leave Tony?’

‘No,’ Rachel shook her head feebly. ‘No,’ she repeated, this time more convincingly. ‘I could never do that, not to Tony or the kids. Even though he drives me insane sometimes. It’s just sometimes, I just feel like all I am is Harry and Jessica’s mother. And Tony is working so much lately I hardly see him. Sorry I’m being such a moan. I don’t really have anything to complain about. I just understand why some people end up running away.’

Leah wrapped her arms around her friend’s shoulders. ‘It’s perfectly normal to feel like that,’ she assured. ‘Maybe you and Tony should try and spend some proper quality time together. I’ll look after the kids,’ she offered.

‘Thanks but you don’t have to do that,’ Rachel let out a little laugh. ‘A toddler and a teething baby is not exactly a recipe for a good night.’

‘Don’t be silly. I insist. And Harry’s an angel aren’t you darling,’ Leah crawled over to him and tickled him, laughing as he squirmed and fell backwards onto the sand. ‘And besides it’ll be good practice for Elijah and I.’ Leah started adding to Harry’s sandcastle, patting the top with the spade, much to the little boy’s amusement.

‘No,’ he giggled. ‘Aunty Leah like this.’ His took the spade from her hands and started adding more sand to the top, his face screwed up in concentration. Rachel grinned at her son and rubbed his back.

‘That’s amazing,’ she insisted. ‘I’ll take a photo to show daddy.’ Harry beamed and carried on with his work.

‘So what are you not telling me?’ Rachel turned and grabbed Leah her shoulders, her eyes brimming excitement.’

‘Well I didn’t really want to tell you like this,’ Leah admitted, ‘but Elijah and I have been approved by the adoption agency.’

‘Oh my God,’ Rachel squealed and enveloped her friend in a hug. ‘Oh sweetie that’s so fantastic!’ She wiped away a tear, beaming at the elation on Leah’s face.

‘I know,’ Leah nodded, delighted. ‘We still can’t believe it. And to think Charlie wrote one of the recommendation letters, and she’s not here.’ They were both momentarily silenced. Finally Leah spoke, determined not to learn thoughts of Charlie spoil the day any further. ‘And that’s why we are taking care of your gorgeous kids tonight, and you are Tony are going to have a wonderful evening together, Leah insisted sternly. And you’ll remember your beautiful wedding and honeymoon,’ Leah winked. ‘I remember a pretty different story from the one you’re claiming now,’ Leah laughed kindly.

‘Yeah,’ Rachel smiled as she stared into the distance. ‘I’m just stuck in a rut,’ she shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Come on Harry; want to go in the sea?’ Rachel grabbed the little boys hand and pulled him up. ‘Watch Jess will you please?’ Leah nodded as mother and son skipped towards the ocean, hoping she wasn’t going to lose another friend.

********************************************

Charlie couldn’t believe she’d done it. Closing her eyes she leaned back into the sun lounger, smiling as the warm midday sun covered her body. It was just as beautiful as she imagined. Koh Samet was just off the coast of Bangkok, Thailand and was full of backpackers and expats seeing a few days of relaxation. For Charlie it was the ultimate escape. She tried not to let herself think of the people she’d left behind – namely Ruby. Charlie only hoped one day she’d be able to forgive. She found herself wondering what Angelo was doing at that moment. She had no doubt that if he’d still be working at the station he’d be doing everything he could to trace her. But now it would be a little more difficult. Charlie had no real idea of what she was going to do next. As much as she had tried to pretend things were going to okay with Angelo, she knew deep down things never would have been, especially living in Summer Bay. Rachel didn’t even come to the wedding. Of course she understood why it would be difficult, but it had killed her that she and Angelo would never be able to double date with Tony and Rachel. And she knew where Leah’s loyalties lay. She just never expected it to be so overwhelming. The ink was barely dry on their wedding certificate before Angelo started harping on about children. Being a wife was not something she’d prepared for. Angelo’s obsession with the restaurant meant he had little time for the things she truly cared about. Was it so bad to want your husband to ask you how your day was, or to want him to care about the colour of the bedroom walls. And of course there was Jack. The pink elephant in their living room. Perhaps she’d never really forgiven him for his death. And that terrified her more than anything.

************************************************

‘Where are the kids?’ Tony gazed around the empty living room in surprise.

‘Leah and Elijah are looking after them tonight,’ Rachel smiled as she walked into the living room. ‘I thought maybe we could have a nice dinner, talk a little? It feels like it’s been forever.’

‘Umm yeh,’ Tony looked confused. ‘Is everything ok Rach?’ He took in her short purple wrap dress and black peep toe shoes, a small smile spreading across his face. ‘You look beautiful.’

‘Yes.’ She paused. ‘No, not really.’ She sighed heavily. ‘I guess everything that’s happened with Charlie has made me realise a few things.’

‘What things?’ He suddenly looked terrified. The thought his wife would want to walk out on him scared him more than he thought was possible.

‘You know how everyone keeps saying they can’t believe Charlie left?’ Rachel sat down on the sofa, indicating for Tony to do so. ‘Well I do understand why she felt she had too because sometimes I feel like it too.’ Her voice was soft. ‘When I heard what had happened you know what I thought?’ She lowered her head as tears started to fall. ‘I was jealous.’

Tony was dumfounded. ‘What are you saying?’ His voice shook as he edged way from her. ‘You’re saying you want to leave me? Leave Harry and Jessica?’

‘No!’ She almost cried out. ‘No, no, never. ‘I love you and our children more than anything in this world. ‘It’s just lately I feel like all I’ve been doing is looking after the kids – alone. We never spend any time alone together Tony, or much time as a family.’ She bit her lip and inched closer. ‘I know things have been crazy at school lately and with the footie coaching and everything but I miss my husband.’ She blushed slightly and turned her head in an attempt to hide her embarrassment.

‘Come here,’ Tony gently pulled her into his arms. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way?’ He ran his hand over her hair. ‘I’m not a mind reader Rach,’ he gently reminded her.

‘I know,’ she admitted. ‘I just thought I was on top of things. I guess Charlie running away like that made me realise how far things can get sometimes. I don’t want to end up feeling like that.’ She leaned back into his chest and linked her fingers with his. For a while neither of them spoke, both of them lost in contemplation.

‘I’m thinking of giving up the footie coaching.’ Tony broke the easy silence that had fallen between them. His voice was casual and light.

‘What?’ Rachel sat up quickly, pulling away from his body. ‘Tony that’s not what I meant by all of this and I certainly don’t want you to –’

‘Shh,’ Tony held his finger to her lips. ‘This has nothing to do with you. Well it does,’ he said quickly, noticing the flash of confusion across her face. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while’, he admitted.

‘It’s just not fun anymore, it hasn’t been for a while. It’s all about the money now Rach, it doesn’t matter how good the players are. And there’s too many ego’s,’ he laughed quietly. ‘And I miss you and the kids too you know,’ he smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘I’ve been offered work coaching a junior team, which is a lot less hours and actually something I’m excited about.’

‘Oh Tony,’ Rachel leaned in to kiss him. ‘That sounds really great. But only if it’s want you want?’

‘It is.’ He grinned. ‘And Rach, let’s go away for a few days, just us,’ he suggested. Rachel beamed at him, her heart melting at his obvious attempts. Yes it was clichéd and cheesy, but she couldn’t help but love it. ‘That would be wonderful,’ she grinned and pulled him into a hug. ‘I love you,’ she whispered. Things were going to be okay, she was sure of that. Later as she lay in bed her thoughts turned again to Charlie. And all she felt was sorrow for the life she’d given up.

******************************************

Charlie gazed at her phone as she sat by the sea, the water gently lapping up by her feet. Her book lay open at the same page she’d been on since she’d started it. It was difficult to concentrate. She had dozens of missed calls, numerous voicemails and texts. She hadn’t listened to any of them. She’d spent the past few days in a blur, hardly able to believe what she’d done. The friendless of the Thai people overwhelmed her. She wished she could tell them she didn’t deserve their smiles. She wept softly as she gazed into the ocean. As always she found herself thinking about her daughter. She was so proud of Ruby. It was something she should have told her more often. Charlie ran her fingers through the sand, letting it fall from a height back to the ground. She was sure she’d go back one day, she just needed time to figure out what she really wanted. That was fair, for everyone. She couldn’t bring herself to think about Angelo at that moment. But there was one person she desperately needed to talk too. Holding the phone to her ear, she only prayed her daughter would listen.

[Inactive User]

Wow this is really beautiful and well-written! Everyone's emoticons are perfect and amazing, well-written! Loved it Well done.

[Red Ranger 1]

This was a fiction I had a hard time getting a handle on, it felt like the start of a longer fiction, setting up a complex scenario and multiple plot threads:Charlie walking out on Angelo after a few months of marriage, Rachel an unhappy stay at home mother who spends hardly any time with Tony, Leah and Elijah applying for adoption, Ruby going back on the bottle.They linked up well, with events in one storyline impacting on events in the others, but they didn’t really feel like part of the same short story.

The ending did do a good job providing a sense of closure, with Rachel happier and Charlie realising she couldn’t run away from her life completely.But it felt as though the story tried to do too much and as a result some things were neglected.It was really well-written though and captured the characters and portrayed their thoughts perfectly.

[charmed60]

I thought this was a brilliantly written short fiction. I loved that it involved an arrangement of characters and how each event impacted on all of their lives no matter how subtlety and I also thought the characterization was fantastic. Each character was written exactly how they're portrayed on the show; with all their issues coming to the forefront; ie Ruby's adherence to alcohol to cope when things are difficult; Charlie's fear of commitment etc. One particular thing I enjoyed was the way Jack's death was brought in as a possible reason for Charlie's reluctance to commit to Angelo; I think it was glossed over too much on the show and could be very plausible. I also felt sympathy for Charlie in that seemingly Rachel, Tony and Leah hadn't forgiven Angelo for what happened and I thought that was a more realistic portrayal.

I actually really enjoyed the way each scene was short and sharp and I thought it was really talented how the writer managed to convey the emotions of each character in such a few words; it really got me involved without being too lengthy and monotonous and I was excited to see which character was involved next and what was going to happen. I thought each 'chapter' was concluded really effectively with mini cliffhangers such as

Forcing herself to look away, she pulled off her wedding band and gently placed it on the shelf. She should never have accepted it in the first place

and

A few hours later, when Rachel heard about Charlie’s disappearance her first though wasn’t fear, worry or sadness. It was how lucky she was to have escaped. And how she wished, just for a few brief moments, that she could too

That last one in particular really shocked me as it was raw honesty that you wouldn't expect to hear from a family orientated character such as Rachel.

I thought the portrayal of their marriage difficulties was really cleverly portrayed; you can see how much Rachel loves her children but the stress of feeling like she's coping with everything on her own is causing her to take it out on them and could if left leave her to resent them. It was really frustrating to see Rachel walking away from Tony the one opportunity she gets to actually discuss it with him but I guess it was a brave conversation to have to admit that and I'm glad he let her explain her feelings before reacting as it could have had a different result! It was lovely to see Leah and Rachel's friendship as well and how they supported each other through their life events; I was so excited to learn about Leah and Elijah's adoption success; it was a nice bit of happiness in amongst the sadness. And it was lovely to read Harry as a troublesome (but adorable) toddler as we never got to see him like that The ending I really enjoyed to; not all of it was completely happy, there was still some things to be resolved but it was up to the imagination of the reader to conclude them and I don't think that's always a bad thing.

Overall I really enjoyed reading it and it's to the credit of the writer that they managed to convey so much in so little words and weave different character storylines throughout each. I thought that was really clever. Thank you for writing it

[KirstyEkua]

I received two brilliantly written stories for this contest so well done to both writers, i enjoyed both of your stories and couldn't pick a winner. Luckily i don't have too

Please take the time to comment and vote Voting will close on Friday December 10th at middnight GMT.

Entry 1

The girl in the red dress

25th December 2009

The usually quiet stretch of beach was bustling with what seemed like half of the population of the small town of Summer Bay out to celebrate and join in with the Christmas festivities. The shoreline was crowded with people, some with surfboards under their arms, others splashing around in the frothy foam lapping over their feet.

Belle wiggled her toes in the cool sand as the warm summer sun shone down upon her, her eyes drawn as if by a magnet to one particular figure standing just close enough to the water for it to tickle her toes as it lapped against the shore. The young girl, about four years of age was dressed in a red sundress which she held bunched up above her knees. Her curly blonde hair was gathered into pigtails, the very tips of which just brushed her sun kissed shoulders.

A large wave rolled and crashed onto the beach, reaching the girl, covering her toes, her feet, her ankles and then retreating but not before a tinkling laugh left her and travelled on the gentle breeze to Belle’s ears, warming her heart just as the sun was doing to her skin.

As if sensing a gaze upon her the young girl turned to face Belle, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glaring sun. The distance between them was too great for Belle to make out any details of her features but she knew that the eyes looking back at her would be a sparkling blue to rival the ocean behind her.

Unable to resist any longer Belle stood up and brushing sand from her shorts made her way slowly towards the girl who held a hand out towards her. She stretched out her own arm, her fingers inches away from grasping the small ones of the little girl…

“Rise and shine sweetheart!”

“Aden!” Belle groaned pulling a pillow from under her head and placing it back over her own head “Sleeping!” she mumbled.

“Oh, alright. Guess you don’t wanna see whether Santa has been or not then?” He asked, the grin that was on his face clear in his voice.

“Oh my god, it’s Christmas!” Belle cried, throwing the pillow from her head and sitting up in one quick movement.

“You forgot?”

“No…well yeah, I was just having a really nice dream.” She explained “Anyways, merry Christmas husband.”

“Merry Christmas wife.” Aden replied, leaning forwards and catching her lips in a hungry kiss.

“Mmmm, very merry.” Belle whispered as she pulled away. “Let’s go do presents!”

Aden laughed as she pushed him away and leapt out of the bed. She picked up a short white satin robe and slipped it on covering her naked body from his view and eliciting a small moan from his lips.

“Tease!”

“There will be plenty of time for…that later.” She giggled “Now come on I want to give you your present.”

“That flash wasn’t it?” Aden teased as he hastily pulled on a pair of boxers and followed her out of their room.

“No it wasn’t.” Belle replied as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “This is.” She pulled a prettily wrapped rectangular box from under the Christmas tree and handed it to him.

“Hmmm it’s small, light, kinda noisy.” Aden muttered as he shook the box next to his ear hearing something rattle around inside of it. “What is it?”

“You’ll find out if you open it genius!” Belle quipped sarcastically.

“Okay, just trying to prolong the moment, keep the excitement at its peek.” Aden explained.

“Just…open it!” Belle demanded as she grabbed his free hand and pulled him to sit next to her on the couch where she had flopped down, her feet curled up underneath her.

Aden let his gaze move from the parcel in his hand to meet his wife’s eyes and the look of pure excitement on her face left him even more intrigued as to what he held in his hands.

He found the piece of sticky tape at the top of the gift and slowly pulled at it and unfolded the paper.

“For gods…will you just rip it!” Belle’s frustration finally got the better of her as she reached out and tore at the paper causing Aden to laugh.

He pushed away the remainder of the paper, dropping it on the floor and was left with a black velvet box in his hands.

“Babe!” he scolded. “We said no expensive presents.”

“Just open it.” Belle grinned at him.

Shaking his head Aden used his thumbs to raise the lid of the box.

“Oh my god!” he exclaimed the instant he was able to make out what was nestled inside the box. “Is this…”

“Uh huh.” Belle nodded

“And it’s….”

“Yep.”

Aden pulled the white stick from the box, his eyes staring at it as if it were made of a precious metal rather than the plastic that it was.

“You’re…we’re…”

“We’re having a baby!” Belle cried, the tears she had been fighting finally overflowing and running down her cheeks.

“We’re having a baby!” Aden repeated. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby!”

25th December 2010

The usually quiet stretch of beach was bustling with what seemed like half of the population of the small town of Summer Bay out to celebrate and join in with the Christmas festivities. The shoreline was crowded with people, some with surfboards under their arms, others splashing around in the frothy foam lapping over their feet.

Belle wiggled her toes in the cool sand as the warm summer sun shone down upon her, her eyes drawn as if by a magnet to one particular figure standing just close enough to the water for it to tickle her toes as it lapped against the shore. The young girl, about four years of age was dressed in a red sundress which she held bunched up above her knees. Her curly blonde hair was gathered into pigtails, the very tips of which just brushed her sun kissed shoulders.

A large wave rolled and crashed onto the beach, reaching the girl, covering her toes, her feet, her ankles and then retreating but not before a tinkling laugh left her and travelled on the gentle breeze to Belle’s ears, warming her heart just as the sun was doing to her skin.

As if sensing a gaze upon her the young girl turned to face Belle, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glaring sun. The distance between them was too great for Belle to make out any details of her features but she knew that the eyes looking back at her would be a sparkling blue to rival the ocean behind her.

Unable to resist any longer Belle stood up and brushing sand from her shorts made her way slowly towards the girl but before she could reach her she had started to move backwards, her feet wading into the water. Belle tried to call out to her but her voice caught in her throat. The little girl moved the hand from above her eyes and raised it in a wave.

“No!”

“Hey, sweetheart wake up, it’s just a dream.” Aden soothed as he turned to see his wife with tears streaming down her cheeks, soaking the pillow beneath her. “Come on sweetheart, it’s alright.” He gathered her into his arms as she sobbed against his chest.

“She’s gone, she’s gone.” Belle cried over and over.

“I know babe, I know.” Aden murmured into her hair, “It’s alright, I’m here okay, I’ve got you.”

He let her cry for a few more minutes, whispering words of comfort even as he felt his own heart breaking.

“Come on hey, it’s Christmas, let’s go do the presents.” He suggested.

“I don’t want to do presents.” Belle snapped pulling away from him. “I don’t want to do Christmas.”

“Babe.” Aden sighed

“No Aden! Do you realise what…last year…”

“I know babe, I remember.” Aden whispered sadly.

“And now she’s gone, my baby is gone, I couldn’t even….”

“Belle! You…it wasn’t your fault, it was just one of those things.”

“One of those things? One of those things?” She cried, her voice rising in volume with every word. “Our child dying inside me, me having to give birth to our dead daughter, holding her dead bo…”

“Belle please, don’t do this.” Aden cut her off as his own tears began to flow. “Please don’t do this. You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Just…just leave it Aden.” Belle whispered as she turned her back to him and lay back down against her soaked pillow and pulled the cover over her shoulders, blocking herself from his view.

25th December 2011

The usually quiet stretch of beach was bustling with what seemed like half of the population of the small town of Summer Bay out to celebrate and join in with the Christmas festivities. The shoreline was crowded with people, some with surfboards under their arms, others splashing around in the frothy foam lapping over their feet.

Belle wiggled her toes in the cool sand as the warm summer sun shone down upon her, her eyes drawn as if by a magnet to one particular figure standing just close enough to the water for it to tickle her toes as it lapped against the shore. The young girl, about four years of age was dressed in a red sundress which she held bunched up above her knees. Her curly blonde hair was gathered into pigtails, the very tips of which just brushed her sun kissed shoulders.

A large wave rolled and crashed onto the beach, reaching the girl, covering her toes, her feet, her ankles and then retreating but not before a tinkling laugh left her and travelled on the gentle breeze to Belle’s ears, warming her heart just as the sun was doing to her skin.

As if sensing a gaze upon her the young girl turned to face Belle, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glaring sun. The distance between them was too great for Belle to make out any details of her features but she knew that the eyes looking back at her would be a sparkling blue to rival the ocean behind her.

Unable to resist any longer Belle stood up and brushing sand from her shorts made her way slowly towards the girl but before she could reach her a familiar voice shouted for her to wait.

“Aden!”

She turned over in bed and let out a sigh when her hand brushed across the empty sheet, cold to the touch.

She lay for a moment listening for sounds but the house remained silent. Slowly she climbed out of the bed and pulled a robe on over the pair of short pyjamas she was wearing.

Still half asleep she left the room and padded silently down the hallway, pausing outside the door at the end. It had been pushed until it was almost closed but she could just make out the form of her husband sitting on the floor a few feet into the room.

“You can’t watch her forever you know.” She murmured as she opened the door fully and leant against the frame.

“I thought I heard her crying.” Aden answered. “Come here.”

“No you didn’t.” Belle giggled as she moved into the room and lowered herself down onto Aden’s lap her eyes firmly trained on the crib in the centre of the room.

“No I didn’t.” Aden confessed with a laugh. “But it’s her first Christmas I wanna be here when she wakes up.”

“She’s four weeks old Aden, I doubt she cares what’s in that.” She nodded towards the red felt stocking Aden had insisted on hanging on the foot of her crib.

“Yeah I know.” He grinned. “It’s just….”

“I know babe.” She whispered. “Kinda different from last year huh?”

“Yeah.” He replied. “I mean, I haven’t forgotten…”

“I know sweetheart.” Belle interrupted him. “We’ll never forget but today’s a happy day, let’s just focus on that for now yeah?”

“Sounds good to…”

Aden was interrupted again but this time by a small whimpering emitting from the tiny person nestled within the crib.

With his help Belle stood up from his lap and hurried to the crib, lifting the baby girl into her arms as Aden came to stand behind her, winding his arms around her one of his hands brushing gently over their daughter’s hair.

“Merry Christmas baby girl.” He murmured. “Shall we see what Santa brought for you huh?”

Belle’s slow rocking and Aden’s words did nothing to alleviate the crying coming from the baby girl.

“Yeah, I really don’t think its Christmas pressies this one is after.” Belle giggled. “You want your Christmas brekkie don’t you angel?”

“I’d take that as a yes.” Aden laughed when the cries became louder as soon as Belle stopped speaking.

25th December 2015

The usually quiet stretch of beach was bustling with what seemed like half of the population of the small town of Summer Bay out to celebrate and join in with the Christmas festivities. The shoreline was crowded with people, some with surfboards under their arms, others splashing around in the frothy foam lapping over their feet.

Belle wiggled her toes in the cool sand as the warm summer sun shone down upon her, her eyes drawn as if by a magnet to one particular figure standing just close enough to the water for it to tickle her toes as it lapped against the shore. The young girl, about four years of age was dressed in a red sundress which she held bunched up above her knees. Her curly blonde hair was gathered into pigtails, the very tips of which just brushed her sun kissed shoulders.

A large wave rolled and crashed onto the beach, reaching the girl, covering her toes, her feet, her ankles and then retreating but not before a tinkling laugh left her and travelled on the gentle breeze to Belle’s ears, warming her heart just as the sun was doing to her skin.

As if sensing a gaze upon her the young girl turned to face Belle, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glaring sun. The distance between them was too great for Belle to make out any details of her features but she knew that the eyes looking back at her would be a sparkling blue to rival the ocean behind her.

Unable to resist any longer Belle stood up and brushing sand from her shorts made her way slowly towards the girl who held a hand out towards her. She stretched out her own arm, her fingers inches away from grasping the small ones of the little girl but she moved them away instead raising them to wave as she moved slowly backwards into the ocean behind her.

“Wait” Aden called “Don’t move a muscle Holly Jefferies!”

The little girl giggled and continued to move backwards.

Belle watched on with a smile as Aden strode forwards, closing the gap between them in a few steps and swept their daughter into his strong arms.

“Gotcha!” he chuckled as he peppered her small face with kisses. “Let’s go and get some lunch hey?”

“Okay daddy.” Holly replied with a smile.

Placing her carefully back onto her feet Aden took hold of one of his daughters hand as Belle clasped onto the other.

“Happy babe?” He asked his wife as the three of them made their way back up the beach.

“So happy I could burst.” Belle replied sincerely “Today is like a dream come true.”

[Jen]

Entry One

I really like the atmosphere created in the first flashback. It seemed very dreamlike with particular descriptions like her eyes drawn as if by a magnet to one particular figure standing just close enough to the water for it to tickle her toes as it lapped against the shore..

This line--

A large wave rolled and crashed onto the beach, reaching the girl, covering her toes, her feet, her ankles and then retreating but not before a tinkling laugh left her and travelled on the gentle breeze to Belle’s ears, warming her heart just as the sun was doing to her skin.

-- did things to me. Not in a weird way. I just really adored the description of the girls laugh as ‘tinkling’. I’ve never really seen it used in fic, so it was a pleasant surprise, and really gave off a sweetness to the scene.

Ah, the interrupted dream. I great way to bring everything back to reality. It’s almost a too-good-to-be-true scenario. With the perfect beach setting and adorable little girl. All of it being so close, yet so far away.

I really liked the Aden/Belle banter. The author did I really good job of them being totally in love and still in that kind of ‘honey moon’ phase of the relationship without it inducing cavities. Great job, on the teasing Belle and then the excitement over the presents, and Aden taking forever to open his. I did laugh at that part.

I don’t know whether it’s hygienic to give a pregnancy test as a present, but still, the sentiment was great and really finished this part on a high.

Is it cheating if I only read the last paragraph of the second flashback? I could see it was the same up to the end, so I kind of skipped it. But I liked that it was again Aden waking up Belle and pulling he back to reality. Nice continuity with keeping it at Christmas, but just one year later and seeing how much things had changed.

It was so incredibly sad how you described what happened to the baby, and Belle’s guilt about the situation -- feeling that it was her fault. It was such a sudden turnaround, it did catch me off guard. This part was quite short compared with the first section of the story. I almost wished it was slightly longer so that I could have found out more about when it actually happened, and more of Aden’s reaction. You definitely have Belle covered well.

One year later, and again I only read the last little bit of the flashback. This time Belle wakes herself up and Aden isn’t there. Oh, and there’s a baby. So cute, and I really like the portrayal of Aden as a protective father. His baby girl and wanting to be there when she wakes up for her first Christmas. It’s such a stark contrast to the previous year.

Now it all begins to make sense. They weren’t flashbacks, but flashforwards. Sort of. I really like it becomes reality, and the girl is actually Belle and Aden’s daughter. I like how the story ended on a very happy note. That through adversity there was a perfect Christmas.

I liked the characterisation of Aden and Belle. Through the cute, flirty stuff at the beginning , to the emotional scene in the middle, and then being slightly older and protective at the end. It was very well done. My only minor critique would be as a reader, I didn’t want to read the same thing over and over again. I understand that was the nature of the story, but maybe I would have withheld a bit more information in the first two flashbacks. Like describing the beach, blues, yellows, warm sun. And then a vague figure. Belle being drawn to it but not knowing why. Then, a year later, place in some more details. The little pigtails, the sand between Belle’s toes. Then, a year later, all the final bits and pieces like her eyes, and the waves, and her laugh. I think it could have made the final chapter a bit more of a reveal, as everything kind of comes into focus. This isn’t even a real criticism of the story, because it was very well constructed, and the writer obviously knew what they were going for. I’m just saying, if it was ever done again, this is how it could be changed. Not that it isn’t good to begin with, because it is.

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Entry Two

I’m already interested in this story. I haven’t read many fics with Charlie as the central character, no less at the centre with an investigation. I like that her first reaction was to check or Ruby, and there was a little background about their tumultuous relationship.

Focusing once more on the body in front of her she pulled on a latex glove and moved the blonde hair away from the girl’s face unable to contain her gasp as she recognised her.

And the plot deepens. The author definitely has my attention.

I like that the author seems to be creating Charlie as a competent police officer. Not how they (sometimes) do on the show. She’s keeping it professional. Treating everyone as a suspect, including Romeo, who it’s pretty obvious found the body.

Charlie noticed a set of red marks on the other mans neck as he had his head averted.

I had a brief moment of confusion with this bit. Just because it said “the other man”, I wasn’t sure it was the person who arrived or if we were still talking about Romeo. I assumed it was Romeo, just because the following line was Charlie talking about asking him about it.

Romeo dragged his phone out of his pocket and started to dial when he realised that he had no idea what to say. He glanced back at the scene and felt a sob rise up in his chest. Turning away he slipped past the crowd gathering at the dramatic show and tried not to allow the repulsion he felt because of their macabre gawking turn his stomach.

This reaction by Romeo was very well done, and proportion to what had just happened/what he’d seen.

My main concern when reading this story is there are some confusing details. Some descriptions that don’t really fit. For example, Charlie has time to ask Irene and Leah for coffee, seeming perfectly together, and then a couple of sentences later the author has said that she had a “sheen of tears” on her face. I don’t understand why there could be a problem with the next of kin, are we assuming that it is still Roman? That sort of information, I felt, need to be specified. I would have thought Charlie could have at least told Leah that it wasn’t Indi who was found, because at least then she wouldn’t go and possibly ring Sid to tell him his daughter is potentially dead. Maybe I’m overanalysing things.

Again, with the little details, using a phrase like “famous looks” I’m not entirely sure what the author is trying to suggest. Is she angry? Sad? Worried? Suspicious?

Wow, Miles. I didn’t see that coming. Again, Romeo is there to see it, which seems unfortunate. Romeo knows about Nicole, so I’m not sure why Charlie couldn’t say that that is what she told Miles. His reaction again, was understandable. Running off to just get away from the whole thing. And then getting hit by the car. I liked the following description --

His body tumbling like a discarded toy doll and finally the sound as he smacked into the granite road. The pool of crimson spreading from his head.

-- and also noting that it felt like it was happening in slow motion was very effective at letting the scene unfold.

Now the revelation of the driver was a bit of a shock. A good one, because I hadn’t actually thought of him. Again, some confusing detail surrounding the reveal. Like, Penn being “hysterical” and then seemingly so calm about telling Charlie how he killed Nicole and Miles. Is this happening while Penn is still in his car? Because Charlie told him to get back in, or is he standing near her.

She heard the rapport before seeing the flash from the gun he had pointed at her then the impact of the first bullet in her chest

I think this is the wrong word for this line. I’m not sure what the author wanted to use, but ‘relationship’ is not correct. But I do like the description following, about Charlie seemingly hearing the gunshot and then realising she had been hit. The spread of blood on her fingers and hands. I do like those kinds of gory details.

And now Charlie wakes up. I think she probably should have gasped before answering her phone, but again, minor detail. And then just knowing what Watson was going to say. The scream at the end seemed a bit random. I don’t know. The author created Charlie as a rather cool, confident, officer and then she’s awoken from this dream to find that it might -- possible -- be real, and now she screams. Maybe she would gasp and Angelo would wake up, or she’s just petrified of her own impeding death. Now, maybe she’s considering if there is anything she can do to avoid losing Miles and Romeo too.

I give the author major points for tackling a CSI type story with a twist. The general plot and characterisation was solid, and I did find myself getting sucked in with trying to put all the pieces together. As I’ve mentioned already, I think the detail let the story down, because I spent time trying to figure out what the author meant, and that distracted me from the plot. But awesome effort, and I wouldn’t mind knowing what happens next.

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A great standard of both the stories. If my reviews seem at all harsh, I apologise. It’s only because I do have to pick a winner. If this was just for enjoyment, then I wouldn’t be as tough -- I promise.

My vote goes to Entry One. For the use of effective flashbacks and a very linear way of story-telling.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Oh my gosh!

I loved them both ... so much.

They were actually amazing. Seriously, both were fantastic.

I loved the emotion & the portayal of characters.

I vote for entry number 1.

I thought it was amazing with the flashbacks & the repetition.

I loved Belle & Aden in that one as well & especially losing a baby. It was something different to be written too.

I absolutely adored that fic & how they had a daughter as well.

It flowed beautifully & perfectly.

It was written so well with the emotions perfect as well as character portrayal.

[Red Ranger 1]

Entry #1

The first few paragraphs intrigued me and left me wondering what was going on.From then on, it was an emotional rollercoaster, exploring four very different Christmases for Aden and Belle:The joy of her pregnancy, the grief of losing the baby, the pleasure of being parents at last and finally their family outing.I genuinely didn’t know how it was going to end, the mood and tone shifted back and forth so well.I was in two minds about the recurring dream, it was a nice device to show Belle’s differing thoughts but it did become slightly repetitive after a while, maybe having more differences each time would help.But that was a small gripe in the midst of a wonderfully emotional story.

Entry #2

This one captured Charlie’s thoughts extremely well and you could really feel her despair underneath the professionalism.The opening few paragraphs giving Charlie’s history felt slightly superfluous since it didn’t really impact on the story but they were well-written.I was caught up in the mystery of who the girl in the red dress was and was shocked when it turned out to be Nicole.And then when Miles died too, I was really caught up in the horror of the situation.After that, the multiple deaths seemed to lose their impact somewhat, there’s a danger that a reader can become used to the horror if it starts to become the norm.The twist that it was Penn behind it was well done.I had a sneaking suspicion it was going to be a dream but the final twist, with the possibility that Charlie was now going to have to go through the nightmare again, was nicely done.

Both extremely good tales but I have to choose one so I’m going for Entry #1.

[xknomex]

wow i didn't realise how hard it would be too choose between the two!

but my vote has to go to entry #1

the beginning pulled me in straight away! i was really engrossed, like Aden made me jump!

loved how the dream was kept going! was so clever!!

[callyha]

I thought both were really well written, but my vote is Entry 2. As it gripped me