Shattered Glass

[Louise_2983]

You Louise, are too brilliant for your own good. You're in the wrong career. Seriously.

Aww thank you! *Blushes*

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 61

“Wakey Wakey” he purred softly by her ear as he pushed the dark hair covering her face behind her ear.

“Just five more minutes” she begged, her eyes still tightly scrunched closed as she batted him away with her hand.

“Come on gorgeous, get up” he ordered, flinging back the doona.

She let out a low groan as a whoosh of cold air hit her body, covered only be a tiny pair of shorts and matching strappy vest top.

“Aden! Stop it!” she pleaded, squirming and giggling, as his fingers tickled her sides teasingly.

Her words suddenly registered with her as her deep brown eyes shot open and gasped at the sight before her.

“Aden?”

“What?” he asked seemingly confused by her wide eyes and agape mouth.

“You’re....you’re...you’re not real....” she murmured almost in fear at how real he appeared to be.

“Look I know sometimes I seem too good to be true” he smirked suggestively.

“But I am 100% real babe and so is this wake up call, now get up!”

Tentatively she reached out a hand and pressed it against his toned, solid chest.

She gasped audibly.

She could feel him, beneath her fingertips. She could see and feel and breathe in his familiar scent.

She never imagined being able to do any of those things again.

“But you’re...” she began as her hand moved to his face, her fingertips caressing his prominent cheekbones, her thumb brushing delicately over his full lips.

“Gorgeous? Sexy? Irresistible? Yeah...so I’ve been told”

“Dead” she corrected as her heart pounded against her chest.

“You’re dead”

“Babe” he murmured as a low chuckled escaped over his red lips and tickled her fingertips.

“I know you hate getting up in the morning but threatening to kill me is going a little far”

“No, you’re dead. You were shot!” she insisted.

“You’re dead! You were dead!”

“Woah, someone had a real bad nightmare last night” he whispered softly, tenderly running a hand over her cheek.

“You were dead” she mumbled once more, her voice fearful and breaking.

“Sssh!” he murmured soothingly.

“I’m not dead babe. As if I would ever leave you”

His words triggered anger within her instinctively as she sat up and he drew her into a soft kiss, his full lips soft and sensuous against her own but she struggled to let herself go and enjoy it. Suddenly

she was parting her lips from his, her fists pounding furiously against his chest.

“You were dead! You died! How could you leave me! Me and Jamie and Alyssia! I love you and you died! I had to tell our baby boy that his Daddy wasn’t coming home ever again and all the time you

weren’t really dead?!”

“Belle!”

“No! Get off me!” she screamed as two strong hands grabbed hold of her wrists. She fought their grasp and continued to pound against his chest.

“Belle!”

“Get off me! You were dead!” she screamed in anguish.

“BELLE!” the voice bellowed.

“Wake up! It’s just a bad dream!”

Instantly she stilled, fear rising through her as reality began to seep back into her world. She looked for him once more but he was fading, his image dissolving into the arid morning air.

“No!” she yelled, her heartbreak returning.

“Aden! Don’t go! Don’t leave me again! Don’t go please! Aden!"

“Belle” the voice pushed again and slowly she opened her eyes to find him still holding onto her wrist.

“It’s ok” he whispered softly.

“It was just a dream”

“It’s not ok” she objected, shaking her head through the tears streaming down her warm cheeks.

“Aden’s dead, it’s never going to be ok again”

“You’ll get through this” he promised as she tried to regulate her rapid, panicked breathing back to its normal rate.

“He was there” she whispered, still slightly lost in her dream world.

“He was so real! He laughed when I said he was dead Drew! He laughed in my face! And all the time he really was! I hate him for this! But I love him! I just want him back!”

“Hey!” he soothed, rubbing his fingertips gently over her face as he perched on the bed before her.

“It was just a dream, he didn’t laugh in your face. It was just a dream, this will get better Belle I promise”

“How do you know?!” she snapped suddenly slapping his hands away from her.

“And will you get off me!”

“I was ju-”

“I know what you were just doing!” she yelled angrily.

“Aden’s gone so you think you there’s a vacancy that needs filling?! You just can’t wait to muscle in there can you Drew?!”

“It’s not like that, I care about you Taylor” he objected, his calmness a contrast to her rage.

“Right!” she shouted sarcastically.

“Yeah you told me all about that! How I’ll always be your Geoff! Well you’re not mine Drew Curtis! I don’t even have a Geoff! I have...had an Aden and I loved him...I still love him! I’ll always love him

so just get your hands off me and get out!”

“Belle!”

“GET OUT!”

“Taylor, you need your friends around you right now”

“I’ve got friends!” she screamed at so loud a volume he actually had to shield his ears slightly with his hands.

“Friends who can keep their hands off me and aren’t trying to worm their way into my bed five minutes after my husband died!”

“It’s not like that!” he objected again but she wasn’t listening, her rationality lost amid her gut wrenching grief.

“GET OUT!”

“Ok, I’m going!” he held up his hands in surrender.

“But if you need me, you know where I am”

“GET OUT!” she bellowed once more as he obeyed, heading for the door.

“The only person I need is dead! He’s dead!” she cried as she found herself alone, collapsing in tears onto the empty side of the bed Aden once occupied and hugging his pillow closer to her.

“He’s dead” she muttered quietly to herself as she sobbed.

“He’s dead and it’s not ok...he’s dead and I love him..and he’s dead...”

***

“Are you ok?” Matilda questioned quietly as Belle emerged from the bathroom, pale and sickly looking.

“No” she whispered quietly.

“Aden’s dead, Jamie hates me, of course I’m not ok”

“That was a stupid question, of course you’re not ok. Emotionally anyway. But I meant physically, I heard you throwing up in there”

“It’s probably just something I ate”

“Belle, you haven’t eaten for days and don’t tell me that Roman made you something because we do actually talk to each other you realise and I know you told him that you ate when I was here

yesterday and that isn’t true”

“I just don’t have much of an appetite right now” she shrugged as she sat down at the table and buried her head in her hands.

“Was that the first time you’d been sick?”

“Mattie, stop worrying. I know you all care about me and I’m grateful but I don’t need one of you here to babysit me every second! I’m ok!” she insisted with a false smile.

“And don’t you dare get Rachel around here to check me out either! I don’t need a doctor”

“No, I agree” Matilda nodded as she hesitantly sat down next to her friend and pulled her hands away from her face.

“But I think you probably need a pregnancy test”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Belle scoffed, trying to cover her face once more but Matilda kept a tight grasp on her hands to prevent her from doing so.

“This is the second morning I’ve heard you being sick Belle” Matilda told her gently.

“When did it start?”

“After Aden died I guess” she shrugged.

She wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be. Matilda had got things wrong. This was just grief.

“After?” Matilda prodded her for confirmation as Belle thought back to when her sickness had actually begun.

“Well the day he died actually, just after he left for work” she whispered, suddenly filled with an intense dread.

“And your period? When did you last have that?”

“I don’t know” she confessed.

“A while back I guess, before Alyssia even, but I’m breastfeeding that’s normal, Rach said so”

“You need to take a test Belle”

“No I don’t” she objected with a shake of her head as she laughed in disbelief.

“We were so careful, we’d agreed not to have any more children Mattie”

“And did this carefulness go as far as abstinence?” Matilda arched her eyebrows at her friend knowingly.

“Well no” she blushed slightly.

“But...”

“Take a test, please” Matilda urged, squeezing Belle’s hand gently.

“I will” she nodded in agreement.

“In a few days, if the sickness hasn’t settled down”

“Belle” Matilda sighed deeply.

“Well I haven’t exactly got one to hand right now Mattie!”

Suddenly Matilda dropped Belle’s hands and delved into the beach bag she had left on the table earlier.

“I have” she announced, pulling out the rectangular box and waving it in front of her friend’s face.

“So you planned this little intervention before you even arrived?” Belle commented in annoyance.

“No, just when I heard you throwing up”

“Then why have you got a preg-oh my god...are you?...Mattie! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Belle squealed, her sudden excitement a huge contrast to her understandably downcast mood of late.

“Well, I only took the test a few days ago” Matilda smiled weakly.

“I took four actually, it would have been five but after the first four were all positive I figured I didn’t really need to take this last one too”

“So how do you feel about this?” Belle asked hesitantly.

“You weren’t exactly jumping for joy when you thought you were pregnant before? Is this a good thing?”

“Of course it is!” Matilda grinned, unable to contain her happiness any longer. She had been dying to share the news with her best friend.

“Ric and I were trying actually. After you had Alyssia I realised that I did want a baby and he felt the same. I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly but yes it’s an amazing thing, I’m so excited about

being a Mum Belle”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, just after I found out...literally just hours after... Aden died and I didn’t think you needed to hear about my excitement just now”

“Mattie” Belle sighed, slipping a hand over the one her friend had rested on the table.

“Just because my life is a complete mess right now that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in your life or your happiness. I’m so pleased for you”

“Thanks” Matilda smiled in relief.

“Now are you going to take that to see if we’re going to be doing this together or not?”

She lowered her gaze to the pink box sat on the table before her.

“I can’t be pregnant Matilda” she whimpered.

“I just can’t. Aden’s gone...I wasn’t even meant to be doing this when he was here, how can I do this alone?”

“Belle” Matilda whispered softly.

“At any point in the past five days have you been left alone in this house?”

“No”

“Well then”

“That’s not the same Mattie, it’s not the same as having Aden here”

“I know that and I know we can’t continue to babysit you 24/7 for the rest of time but if these past few days have shown you anything it should have been that there are so many people in this town who

love and care for you and if you are pregnant then we’re not going to let you go through this alone. You’ll have the biggest support network going, you already have”

“I’m a terrible mother though”

“No, you’re not! Don’t be silly!”

“I am! I fail at it every time! First I left Jamie and then I couldn’t even carry Liss to full term and now Jamie would rather stay with Roman and Nicole than here with me!”

“He’s just confused and upset right now” Matilda tried to soothe her friend but she knew until Jamie was back at The Beach House nothing would even be a little bit better.

“And I’m the one who should be making it better. I’m his Mummy! But I can’t make it better Mattie and he hates me!” she sniffled, tears suddenly rolling down her cheeks.

“Why did it have to be Aden? Why couldn’t it have been me?! He’s managed without me before, he would have been fine”

“Don’t say that!”

“It’s true. If I could swap places with Aden I would do it in an instant, I’d do anything for my little boy”

“Belle, Jamie loves you. He just doesn’t know how to deal with death, he’s a little boy who idolised his Daddy. But he will come around”

“I hope so” Belle whimpered barely audibly.

“Because him and Alyssia, they’re all I have left of Aden now”

“Maybe not...Take the test please?” Matilda asked once more.

“Ok” Belle nodded before slipping the test out of the cardboard box and disappearing into the bathroom. She returned a few minutes later clutching the small, white stick between her hands.

“Well?” Matilda looked at her expectantly.

“I’m not sure what means negative and what means positive” she shrugged and Matilda reached for the box to see.

“One pink line for positive” she told her.

“I’m not sure why I’m checking, I read it enough for myself the other day”

“And negative?”

“A blue line...which is it Belle?”

“Blue” she sighed slumping back into the chair beside her friend.

“It’s blue, I’m not pregnant”

“You sound disappointed?” Matilda asked hesitantly as Belle began to cry and sniffled loudly.

“I am and I’m not and I don’t know Mattie. I didn’t want to be pregnant but then when I thought I might be...that I might have Aden’s baby growing inside me, that in some way he might live on almost, I

wanted that. Even in those few minutes I started thinking about what another baby would be like. A little girl with blonde hair and big blue eyes, Emma after Aden’s mum, or another gorgeous little boy

who would be the double of his Daddy and-“

“Belle” Matilda interrupted her rambling with a nod towards the kitchen door.

Belle turned her head slowly to find her son staring up at her, his piercing blue eyes sad and brimming with tears as he clung on to Nicole’s hand and watched her intently.

Hesitantly he removed his little hand from Nicole’s and slowly walked towards Belle until he was stood directly in front of her.

“I thought I was your baby boy” he stated simply, his eyes wounded, his words full of distress.

“You are” she nodded through her tears.

“But you hate me remember?”

Instantly he stepped forward and flung his tiny arms around Belle’s waist, burying his head against her tummy.

“Don’t have another baby in your belly and go away forever again! Please Mummy! I’m sorry!” he cried, his words muffled against her body.

She reached out and lifted him into her lap as he continued to cling to her. Wrapping her arms as tight as they would go around his tiny frame, she held him close and pressed a string of kisses to the

top of his blonde head.

“Why would I want another baby when I’ve already got the most perfect little boy in the world hey?” she murmured against his soft hair.

“My baby boy” she sighed as she rocked him gently in her arms

“My best boy, I love you”

“I love you too Mummy” he whispered hesitantly as he raised his head to look at her, his chin resting against her chest.

“I’m sorry I was a meanie to you”

“You were mean” she told him matter of factly.

“And what you said hurt me Jamie. I know you didn’t mean it, that you were just very upset sweetie but I’m upset too and we have to look after each other”

“I know Mummy” he nodded sadly.

“Now Daddy has gone to live with Nanny Irene and the angels I have to be the man of our house and look after you and Lissia like Daddy used to”

“Oh baby” she smiled through her tears at his sweetness as she pressed another kiss to his temple.

“Mummy?”

“Yes Jamie?”

“Does that mean that I have to get a job instead of going to school now? Because I thought only big boys got jobs but if you don’t have a job and I go to school where will we get money from?”

“Sweetheart” she giggled softly, hugging him closer.

“You don’t have to worry about that baby. I might not have a job now but I used to and I saved up all my money so I could look after you and Liss. You don’t have to worry about anything except being

a little boy and enjoying everything that goes with it, including school. That’s what your Daddy would have wanted”

“I miss Daddy” he gulped, his tears glistening under his eyes. Aden’s eyes.

“I miss him too baby, so much” she nodded as she cradled him close, her own tears dripping onto his cheeks.

“But every time I look at you Jamie, there he is. You’re so much like him and he will never really be gone whilst you’re here”

“I love Daddy”

“And he loved us sweetie and he would want us to be happy”

“And to be together” Jamie told her sweetly.

“That’s right” she smiled down at him.

“So if it’s ok Mummy I would like to stay in my Mickey Mouse bed tonight and every other night”

“Of course it’s ok, more than ok Jamie. I want you here with me, you’re my best boy. I missed you”

“I missed you too Mummy lots and lots”

“Glad to hear it” she sighed holding him close as he wrapped his little arms tightly around her and they sat in silence, tears trickling down each of their cheeks.

They knew life would never be the same again.

But at least they were together.

***

“Geoff you really didn’t have to come with me you know”

“I know” he smiled sweetly at her as they walked across the grass.

“I know you hate us all babysitting you but have you ever thought that I might enjoy spending time with you?”

“Thanks” she smiled back at him.

“I like spending time with you too, just not every minute! I’m not going to do anything stupid, I’ve got two children back there. I’m ok Geoff”

“I know that but you weren’t the only one who needed some fresh air you know, I’ve got things to think about too and I needed a walk”

“Ah” she sighed knowingly.

“Nicole”

“Yeah” he nodded weakly.

“I guess you think I should be with her huh?”

“It’s none of my business” she told him honestly.

“But if I’ve learnt anything these past few days it’s that life is way too short Geoff and my biggest regret is wasting time when I could have been with Aden but I was too stubborn or scared or too mixed

up to come back and tell him how I felt. So just promise me Geoff that whatever you decide to do you won’t decide to do it because you think that it’s the right thing or because it’s what people expect of

you or because it’s what religion says you should do. Please promise me that you’ll do whatever makes you happy...because life’s too precious not to”

“I’ll try” he whispered softly.

“I want to be happy Belle, I really do”

“Why do I sense that there should be a but at the end of that sentence?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged sadly before blurting out the secret he had been keeping for weeks now.

“Mel left me”

“What?!”

“She’s not coming back from visiting her Mum in New Zealand, after your wedding when she saw me...well when she saw that I probably would have bashed Drew on Nicole’s behalf if Aden hadn’t got

there first, she took Sam and went to her Mum’s and she’s not coming back”

“Why didn’t you tell me Geoff?”

“Because...I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to rain on your parade with my problems, you and Aden were so happy and it’s not exactly my proudest moment, ruining my marriage”

“You should have told me Geoff” Belle sighed, rubbing his arm gently as they walked.

“I hate the thought of you dealing with all this alone”

“Actually” Geoff began, his cheeks blushing crimson.

“Aden knew”

“You told Aden but not me?” she laughed softly.

“Yeah, sorry”

“No, it’s ok. I’m just glad that you could talk to someone and it’s nice to know that you Aden got along in...the end” she gulped as finished her sentence, tears threatening to break free once more as

Geoff hugged her close..

“So what did Aden tell you to do?” she questioned as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and looked up at him.

“Whatever makes me happy” he laughed softly.

“You two spent too much time together!”

“Not enough time” she sighed regretfully.

“Nowhere near enough time Geoff”

“No” he sighed too.

“I guess not”

“So any idea what you’re going to do?” she asked curiously.

“I thought I did” he shrugged.

“I’ve sold the house and quit the church”

“Woah!”

“I know” he gave a little laugh as they began to walk once more.

“I was all set to follow Mel out to New Zealand but then I saw that the people Martha sold the farm to have put it on the market again and...”

“And what?”

“And then Nic kissed me and told me she loved me” he confessed.

“Oh come on Geoff, you already knew that!”

“Yeah I think I always did but hearing her say it just made it all the more real and made me doubt everything I was sure was what I wanted to do. I don’t know what to do Belle, if I go to New Zealand

Mel might not even want me back and if I stay here well...I can’t really see Nicole as a farmer’s wife”

“And I never saw her as a mother” she told him simply.

“But she’s a fantastic mum to Sophie. And I definitely never imagined I’d be friends with her, but a friend is what she’s become to me Geoff. Nicole’s grown up a lot and what she wanted and thought she

needed back then, well maybe the things she’s experienced since have made her realise that they’re not what she wants at all”

“Maybe” he nodded in uncertainty as she began to turn a corner.

“Belle don’t go down there!” he suddenly exclaimed but it was too late, she had already stomped on ahead and at the bottom of the small incline was the boundary of school property with flowers and

tributes lining the fence in memory of her husband.

She let out a loud gasp as she surged forward, her gaze fluttering over the scene as she began to cry.

“Belle! Wait!” he called after her but she was already in front of the fence, examining the tributes which had been left there.

“It’s the kids' way of dealing with this I guess” he whispered as he stopped behind her, her fingertips gently exploring the textures of the different flowers.

“He died a hero Belle”

“A hero!” she suddenly scoffed, reaching out and ripping down some of the floral tributes.

“Belle!” he exclaimed, grabbing hold of her and pulling her away to prevent her from doing anymore damage.

“A hero!” she screamed, pounding her fists against his chest as he refused to let her go.

“Whose hero?” she yelped in obvious distress.

“He was already my hero! Mine and Jamie’s and Alyssia’s! He was our hero! Why wasn’t that enough Geoff? Why couldn’t that have been enough?!” she bellowed, breaking down in his arms and sobbing

against his chest. He simply held her as she cried until he looked up to find Nicole with Jamie in her arms, his little arms looped around her neck as he held on to his Mickey Mouse teddy bear.

“Belle” he nudged her gently and she looked up to see her baby boy looking back at her.

“He woke up and panicked that you’d left him” Nicole explained.

“He wouldn’t calm down until I said we could come and find you”

“Oh baby” she sighed as Nicole moved forwards and transferred the little boy into Belle’s arms.

“You don’t need to worry, I’m not leaving you”

“That’s what Daddy said” he whispered sadly as he snuggled close to her.

“I know” she sighed not sure of what else to say.

“I miss you when you’re not there Mummy”

“I miss you too baby” she murmured as his gaze fell upon the floral tributes.

“Are they for my daddy?”

“Yes they are” she confirmed as she lowered him to the floor so he could look at them but kept her arms around his tiny waist.

“Your Daddy was special to a lot of people and this is their way of showing that they’re going to miss him”

“Daddy said flowers were for girls” he giggled softly.

“Boys get good presents like cars and sweets and toys!”

“Well sweetie” she explained softly.

“When people go to live with the angels like your Daddy did then other people leave flowers, it’s just what they do”

“I didn’t bring any flowers” he whispered sadly.

“That’s ok Jamie, your Daddy knows that you’re going to miss him. That you’re going to miss him more than anyone. Because you and Liss are the people he’s going to miss most too”

“And you Mummy” he smiled sweetly.

“Daddy will miss you too”

“And I’ll miss him” she smiled back at him.

“Now come on, it’s getting cold. Let’s go home”

“Ok” he nodded and allowed her to lead him away as Nicole and Geoff followed closely behind.

“Wait!” Jamie suddenly cried, taking his hand from Belle’s and rushing back to the fence.

He looked at the teddy bear in his hands before kissing it softly and placing it amongst the flowers.

“Bye Daddy, I miss you” he whispered softly before running back to his mother.

“Mickey Mouse is a good present” he told her sweetly.

“And I have to leave the best present because he’s my Daddy and he’s the best”

Tears suddenly streaming down her face once more, Belle knelt down to her son’s level and pressed a kiss to his lips as she held him close.

“So are you sweetie” she smiled through her tears.

“So are you”

[bradyell]

The sales of kleenex must have gone trought the roof after your last few chapters!

I'm sobbing here!!

that Mattie is pregnant though!

it was all fantasic but the ending was just amazing, it made me gasp when i realised what Jamie was going to do!

sad but brilliant Brilliant Louise!

[~Zoe~]

Brilliantly written Louise, sad but brilliant!

Your an awesome writer, the ending was great.

It is good that Mattie is pregnant though.

x

[hitmanfan]

Oh Louise

not sure what to say, but every time the tears managed to stop, something else made them start again.

“I thought I was your baby boy” he stated simply, his eyes wounded, his words full of distress.

“You are” she nodded through her tears.

“But you hate me remember?”

Instantly he stepped forward and flung his tiny arms around Belle’s waist, burying his head against her tummy.

“Don’t have another baby in your belly and go away forever again! Please Mummy! I’m sorry!” he cried, his words muffled against her body.

and

“Wait!” Jamie suddenly cried, taking his hand from Belle’s and rushing back to the fence.

He looked at the teddy bear in his hands before kissing it softly and placing it amongst the flowers.

“Bye Daddy, I miss you” he whispered softly before running back to his mother.

“Mickey Mouse is a good present” he told her sweetly.

“And I have to leave the best present because he’s my Daddy and he’s the best”

These had me in tears, (as well as every other conversation the pair had! )

Oh Bless Jamie, such a sweetie.

[Red Ranger 1]

Oh boy.Utterly brilliant.I loved Belle's talks with Mattie and Geoff and even that little bit with Drew.And I'm really glad that she was happy for Matilda.And her chats with Jamie...so sweet.Really good stuff.

[jdoddy]

Really good stuff - :-)

Update Soon... Please?

[HAA Girl 08]

Really, really sad! Loved the bit when Jamie put his teddy amongst the flowers.

Cannot wait for more, Louise!

[Adelle_fan1000]

That was a good update Louise!! fantastic

[Zetti]

You have a knack of making me cry. That had me in tears

Its good Mattie is pregnant tho