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Shattered Glass

Guest Louise_2983

By Guest Louise_2983
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Louise_2983

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Sneak peek:

“Hello Mummy!” he almost sang jovially as he bounded into the house and peeked over the top of the pram his baby sister was still nestled inside.

“Hello Lissia!” he told her happily as he dropped his bag by the wheels of her spotty purple pram and undid the laces of his tiny shoes.

“I had a very good day! Miss Turner gave me a gold star and Uncle Roman bought me ice cream on the way home!”

“That’s great sweetie” Belle sniffled from where she sat on the sofa as he pulled off his shoes and placed them next to his Disney back pack.

“What’s wrong Mummy?” he asked, concern instantly flashing over his tiny features, features that were carbon copies of those that had belonged to his father.

Belle’s heart ached just looking at her son as his piercing blue eyes scanned her tearstained face worriedly.

“Come here baby” she ordered him softly, holding out her arms for him.

“Come and give Mummy a cuddle”

“Why are you crying Mummy?” he questioned anxiously as he walked towards her and let her lift him into her lap. She wrapped her arms tightly around his little waist and pressed her lips to his blond

hair as she breathed in his familiar, comforting scent which did nothing to soothe her pain in that moment.

“Because I’m sad Jamie” she whispered hesitantly.

“Why are you sad?” he asked as his little eyes darted around the room and he absorbed the heartbroken expressions occupying the faces of the other people in the room as they unsuccessfully tried to

mask them.

“Why are Uncle Roman and Nicole sad too?” he asked confused, his brows furrowed.

“Why do you all have puddles in your eyes Mummy?”

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Louise_2983 Member

Louise_2983

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Chapter 59

Warning: This chapter deals with death and includes the reaction of a 5 year old child.

“Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me cause it hurts”

Don't Speak - No Doubt

“Hello Mummy!” he almost sang jovially as he bounded into the house and peeked over the top of the pram his baby sister was still nestled inside.

“Hello Lissia!” he told her happily as he dropped his bag by the wheels of her spotty purple pram and undid the laces of his tiny shoes.

“I had a very good day! Miss Turner gave me a gold star and Uncle Roman bought me ice cream on the way home!”

“That’s great sweetie” Belle sniffled from where she sat on the sofa as he pulled off his shoes and placed them next to his Disney back pack.

“What’s wrong Mummy?” he asked, concern instantly flashing over his tiny features, features that were carbon copies of those that had belonged to his father.

Belle’s heart ached just looking at her son as his piercing blue eyes scanned her tearstained face worriedly.

“Come here baby” she ordered him softly, holding out her arms for him.

“Come and give Mummy a cuddle”

“Why are you crying Mummy?” he questioned anxiously as he walked towards her and let her lift him into her lap. She wrapped her arms tightly around his little waist and pressed her lips to his blond

hair as she breathed in his familiar, comforting scent which did nothing to soothe her pain in that moment.

“Because I’m sad Jamie” she whispered hesitantly.

“Why are you sad?” he asked as his little eyes darted around the room and he absorbed the heartbroken expressions occupying the faces of the other people in the room as they unsuccessfully tried to

mask them.

“Why are Uncle Roman and Nicole sad too?” he asked confused, his brows furrowed.

“Why do you all have puddles in your eyes Mummy?”

“Oh sweetheart” she sighed, her heart breaking once more as she struggled to find the words to tell him the most difficult thing she would ever have to say.

“What’s wrong Mummy?” he pressed her again, his eyes wide and expectant.

“If you tell me then I can help you make it better!”

“Jamie” she sighed again, running her fingertips over his tiny cheek.

“You remember when Nanny Irene went to live with the angels don’t you?”

“Yes” his little head bobbed up and down sadly.

“I miss Nanny Irene”

“I miss her too”

“Is that why you’re sad Mummy? Because Nanny Irene didn’t want us to be sad, the angels made her all better and now it doesn’t hurt anymore!”

“I know sweetheart” she sniffled as warm tears slowly dripped down her red cheeks.

“I miss Irene too but that’s not why I’m sad today sweetie, I’m sad because...because...oh god” she sighed burying her head in her hands doubting whether she would ever be able to find the strength to

deliver the bad news that would break her son’s heart and turn his little world upside down forever.

“Jamie?” Roman whispered softly as he stepped forward from the kitchen and the five year old looking up at him clearly scared by how distraught his Mummy was.

“It’s ok Roman” Belle shook her head as if to bat him away as she lowered the hand concealing her face.

“I have to be the one to do this”

“You sure?” he looked at her for confirmation that she meant what she was saying and when she nodded he simply stepped back and resumed his former position leaning against the kitchen counter

next to Nicole and Geoff.

“Mummy you’re making me very nervous” he told her as he fidgeted around on her lap.

“Did I do something bad? Are you mad at me? Did I make you sad?”

“No sweetheart, no” she replied soothingly, rocking him gently in her arms as she pulled him closer to her.

“You make me so happy and proud Jamie. You’re such a good boy and you never make me sad I promise. You and Alyssia are the best parts of my life”

“And Daddy too” he smiled sweetly up at her and she felt her heart shatter into tiny slithers she was certain could never be repaired.

“Jamie” she whispered so quietly only he could hear her.

“Your Daddy went to live with the angels today”

“But Daddy lives here Mummy silly!” he dismissed her words with a flippant giggle.

“He lives here with me and with you and with Lissia, he likes living here. He wouldn’t go away Mummy!”

“Baby, I’m so sorry” she sniffled quietly.

“But your Daddy’s not coming home anymore Jamie, he’s gone to be with the angels now”

“He must have just gone to visit Mummy” he told her but the fear in his eyes revealed that he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was her.

“To see Nanny Irene and his Mummy and Daddy. He wouldn’t go away forever, he said he would never go away, he promised Mummy!” he rambled, his words becoming more distressed and incoherent

as he spoke.

“He didn’t want to go Jamie, but he didn’t have a choice”

“My Daddy wouldn’t leave me!” he announced forcefully.

“My Daddy loves me and he promised that he would never go away! Not even if he got sick! He said that he would stay here to make it better! I would help to make him better, he didn’t need to get the

angels to do it!”

“He wasn’t sick Jamie” she whispered softly, rubbing her hand tenderly against his little back.

“Then he must just be visiting where the angels live, like when Mickey Mouse went to visit Donald Duck in my cartoon this morning! He’ll be back soon and then you don’t have to be sad anymore

Mummy!”

“Jamie, he’s not coming back sweetie, I’m sorry” she sniffled, not sure how she would ever get him to accept that she spoke the truth.

“But he has to! He’s my Daddy and I love him!” he cried harrowingly, tears seeping from misty eyes.

“He said that he would never go away! He promised! He always comes back!”

“He wanted to come back and when he left this morning, when he said goodbye to you at school and gave you a kiss and waved until he couldn’t see you anymore he never thought that was the last

time that he would ever do that sweetie but sometimes...”

“Sometimes what?” he sniffled loudly as she unsuccessfully tried to wipe away the flood of tears streaming down her face.

“He wasn’t even sick! He didn’t have to go away! He has to come back!!” he yelled prising her arms from around his little waist and jumping off her knee.

“Jamie!” she sighed as he ran towards the front entrance and pounded his tiny fists against the glass panels making up the door. The entire frame rattled with the force he exerted against it.

“Daddy!!!” he screamed in anguish.

“Come back! Come back Daddy! Come back NOW!”

“Jamie, sweetheart” she whispered, following him and reaching out for his little frame, every little sob slipping out of his tiny body hitting her like a bullet.

“Get OFF me!” he cried, wriggling out of her grasp and looking through the glass expectantly.

“DADDY!” he bellowed, the syllables of the word punctuated by heavy, heartbroken sobs.

“Come back please Daddy! Come back! Please...please Daddy...please...” he whimpered, his tears still flowing freely.

“Jamie” she tried to reach out and hold him but he evaded her once more, as though her touch would scold him. Her heart throbbed in pain at his rejection.

“Your Daddy loved you so much. So, so much sweetie. But sometimes, even when people aren’t sick, the angels choose them to go and live with them and they have to go. Your Daddy wanted to stay

here with us but he just couldn’t”

“The angels can’t have him!” he screamed in distress.

“He’s MY Daddy! And he has to come back! He has to! It’s the Daddy and little boy race at Sport’s Day on Friday! He said he would run as fast as Roadrunner!”

“Oh baby” Belle sighed through her tears as Roman spoke up from the corner of the room, the heartbreak of his godson increasing his own pain dramatically.

“I’ll run with you Jamie, we’ll win that race for your Daddy hey?”

“NO!” he screamed angrily.

“It’s a Daddy race! AND YOU’RE NOT MY DADDY! I JUST WANT MY DADDY!”

“Jamie” Belle whispered trying to stay calm in her attempt to at least placate him a little. She wished she had a magic wand to take his pain away, to make everything ok, to bring Aden back. He didn’t

deserve this, not after everything he’d already been through in his short, little life.

“GET OFF ME!!!” he screamed again as she tried to hug him once more.

“I don’t want you to hug me! I want a hug from my Daddy! I WANT MY DADDY!”

“I want him too” Belle confessed with a loud sob.

“I want him back too Jamie, more than anything. I want you to have him back, I wish I could swap places with him but I can’t. He’s gone sweetie” she whispered, her tears glistening as the sun’s

scorching rays, streaming through the glass doors, bounced off them.

“He’s gone and it’s just you and me and Liss now baby and we have to be strong for one another and look after each other”

A tiny, heartbroken whimper escaped over his full lips as he twisted his small frame back towards the door once more and pressed his face and little hands against the glass.

“Daddy!” he cried out again, this time lack lustre, his hope dwindling as his pain increased.

“Jamie” Belle murmured softly as she shuffled across the floor towards him, reaching out to hold him close, not sure what else she could do, knowing that she could never make things better.

“I love you and I’m here baby”

“I don’t want you!” he suddenly snapped, his little face red and angry, slapping her hands away and backing out of her arms.

“I want my Daddy! I hate you! This is all YOUR fault!”

“Jamie!” Roman’s voice interrupted but the little boy paid no attention, stomping his feet furiously.

“You go away! Not Daddy!” he bellowed at his mother as, breathless and rejected, she watched Aden’s heartbroken eyes stare back at her.

“You went away! Daddy always comes back! It was always me and Daddy! I don’t want you and stupid Lissia! I just want my Daddy!”

“Jamie” Roman tried again but the devastated little boy was already running to his bedroom.

“I want my Daddy back” he cried in anguish as he slammed the door behind him.

“He’s my favourite!”

The whole house shook as his bedroom door rattled in its frame. Belle buried her head in her hands, small, distressed sobs slipping from her distraught and exhausted frame.

“Belle” Nicole whispered softly, as she sat down on the carpet next to her, balancing Alyssia carefully in her arms. Jamie’s outburst had woken his sister and she was exercising her lungs loudly.

Belle slowly lifted her head before taking her daughter in her own arms and cuddling her close to her chest. Her screams instantly diminished and it soothed the young mother slightly that she could comfort at least one of her children.

“I don’t know who I feel most sorry for” Belle whispered as she rocked her daughter gently.

“Jamie, who knows exactly what he’s lost and will miss Aden everyday for as long he lives or Alyssia who will never really know him at all”

“She’ll know him” Nicole reassured her softly.

“We’ll make sure of it, she’ll know all about him”

“It’s not the same”

“No, no it’s not” the blonde agreed shaking her head sadly.

“And Jamie hates me”

“You know that’s not true” Roman told her as he padded across the room towards Jamie’s bedroom.

“He’s just upset. He loves you, he’ll come around” he attempted to reassure her as he wiggled the gold door handle with his strong palm.

“Ok which smart guy put a lock on a five year old’s door?” he questioned as he found the door locked from inside.

“Erm that would’ve been me, but it was year’s ago!” Geoff hurried to defend himself.

“When I lived here!”

“Geoff, you idiot!” Nicole sighed.

“It’s not like you would have been doing anything in there that warranted needing a lock is it?!”

For the first time in hours Belle’s lips kicked into a tiny smile, Nicole’s words amusing her even though inside she was dying.

Tenderly Nicole wrapped an arm around her shoulder and rested her head against Belle’s.

“I know it hurts, it’s hurting all of us. You and Jamie the most. But you’ve still got us remember, your family extends way beyond you and Aden these days”

“Thanks Nic” Belle mumbled, tears falling down her cheeks once more.

“I just don’t know what we’re going to do without him”

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