Formerly Known as FKAJ Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 What's the difference between a chicken and the Kyoto Protocol? One's a domestic fowl, the other's an international convention on climate change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest [x]whacko[x]jen[x] Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Here's a joke: What happens if you give the Prime Minister viagra?? He grows taller!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerise Posted November 24, 2007 Report Share Posted November 24, 2007 According to laughlabs, the two funniest jokes in the world: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" and Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Posted November 24, 2007 Report Share Posted November 24, 2007 I heard those before, but I forgot about them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Di Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Dangerous toilet paper warning OFFICE workers in Sheffield had the smile wiped right off their faces when they were warned to beware - of dangerous toilet paper. Employees whose company leases the Jones Lang LaSalle Resources offices at Fountain Precinct in Sheffield city centre were left feeling flushed when signs were put up in the loos warning them of the perils posed by the roll. What do you think? Add your comment below. The warning was reinforced by an email from the company's site facilities manager, Ian Reeves. His message read: "Dear all, I have received reports of some toilet tissues sticking together and having a sharp edge. "I have asked the cleaning contractor to investigate this and to change the type of tissue or supplier if this cannot be resolved any other way." He added: "Please take care with toilet tissues, there could be a sharp edge. "Health and safety, and a little common sense, should be applied to everyday situations." When The Star contacted Mr Reeves he gave us the bum's rush. He said: "The people who were affected by this toilet paper certainly didn't see it as humorous. "Other than that I have no further comment to make." The company later released a statement which read: "We aim to provide excellent facilities-management services in all the properties we manage and we take health and safety issues very seriously. "The email was sent in response to complaints. It was sent to the group that had complained with the intent of making light of a minor matter." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Known as FKAJ Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Two strawberries are in the shower. One says to the other, "Will you pass the shampoo?" The second replies, "What do you think I am, your typewriter?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bttb-rox! Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Oh my word, this thread is the best! Where else could you read about people tripping over invisible bananas, Eli talking to a pair of socks, some OTT health and safety people complaining about dangerous loo roll, and strawberries in the shower?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miranda Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 This is a true story that some students my husband teaches told him about a friend of theirs. A woman [lets call her Anne] was going on holiday to America with a friend. She was terrified of being mugged, particularly by black men because she had heard that the 'black gang culture' was taking over in America. One day as she was coming out of her room, she saw two black men approaching in the corridor. She told herself not to panic, she was in a posh hotel so nothing could happen. She went towards the lift, the two men following her all the way. They followed her into the lift. She was a bit nervous but tried to stay calm. Suddenly one of the men turned to her and said 'hit the floor!' Anne flung herself onto the floor in terror, expecting all kinds of terrible things to happen. There was a pause. 'No,' said the man. 'I meant press the button for the ground floor.' Terribly embarrassed, Anne got up and pressed the button. A few days later, Anne and her friend went to pay their bill. To their surprise they found it had already been paid! It turned out that one of the men in the lift was Will Smith, who said it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen and decided to pay the bill for Anne....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Bee Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 Oh my word, this thread is the best! Where else could you read about people tripping over invisible bananas, Eli talking to a pair of socks, some OTT health and safety people complaining about dangerous loo roll, and strawberries in the shower?! I never thought of coming into this thread before, but its a perfect pick me up whenever i'm feeeling down i know where to turn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Posted January 26, 2008 Report Share Posted January 26, 2008 I always laugh when I read this: http://www.urbandictionary.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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