Eli Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Haha, actually I hate math and I suck at it, it's a miracle I understood that one about the binary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luc Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 It took me about a week before I actually figured that one out! Yet I'm pretty good at those sorts of jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara Posted March 29, 2008 Report Share Posted March 29, 2008 A friend sent me this joke. Lawyers should never ask a (Mississippi ) grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cal Posted March 29, 2008 Report Share Posted March 29, 2008 LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lesley Bee Posted March 30, 2008 Report Share Posted March 30, 2008 ^^ thats a good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luc Posted March 31, 2008 Report Share Posted March 31, 2008 This one's pretty funny. A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth and, to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey did?" The guy says "No what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me" replied the guy "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Known as FKAJ Posted March 31, 2008 Report Share Posted March 31, 2008 Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?" Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carmelle Posted March 31, 2008 Report Share Posted March 31, 2008 ^^ I also liked that one about the Grandma from Missisippi! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luc Posted April 1, 2008 Report Share Posted April 1, 2008 This probably won't make you laugh, but I thought it was pretty cool and didn't know where to put it. This is one of the best PC optical illusions I have seen in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abi Posted April 1, 2008 Report Share Posted April 1, 2008 LOL! That is so freaky... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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