Jess Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) Awww, I feel so sorry for Robbie. I wanna give him a hug but I think Jem might beat me to it! It was a cliché - to hell with your SPAG control! I'm sorry - but I did promise! And, no problem - that's what the Oracle's here for, afterall. Update soon? Edited January 3, 2008 by Jess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 3, 2008 Report Share Posted January 3, 2008 Great beginning, Eli. There's something I want to watch on TV soon so I'll try and review properly some time over the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahandkatie Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Sounds good can't wait to hear the next chapter!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks you three, I'm glad you like it Chapter 2 coming soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valli Posted January 4, 2008 Report Share Posted January 4, 2008 You have started and I didn’t know Well, at least I found out now Wonder what’s wrong with Tasha It seems like she’s dying or something :-( ”If someone had told me ten years ago that I would end up here I would have said they were crazy,” Detective Pia Corelli said and took a sip of her coffee, ”I left as an officer to pursue my career in the City, I never thought I’d come back here as a detective.” Peter Baker laughed. ”The curse of Summer Bay,” he said and smiled at his new colleague, ”People always come back. Just look at me and Clare, we never thought we’d come back here either.” ”And yet here we are,” Pia said, smiling, ”A team consisting of three people who never thought they’d end up here.” So Peter thinks there’s a curse over Summer Bay does he? :-P Great chapter! Now I’m jealous because I want to write as good as you More please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 I’m not a big fan of police/detective stories but this is very well written and the beginning had some very intriguing lines: “So, what do you think?” Corelli asked, ”Was it murder? An accident? Suicide pact?” “But this time,” he continued, ”I’m not even sure where to start with the questions.” And moving on to the chapter after the introduction set the scene really well. I particularly liked that you got into Robbie’s thoughts immediately: He knew he should probably have moved it or put it in the drawer instead of making it a habit to wake up to it and look at it every morning. But of course he wasn’t meant to have all this; he should have figured he’d be back in Australia seven years later, trying to figure out why he bothered to get up in the morning. Ritalin, Valium, morphine... He had great respect for the boxes, he knew the pills and injection bottles inside were filled with a balance of good and evil. Great pain relief and help, but at the same time great danger and risk. When had this feeling of respect turned in to... Robbie didn’t know, but somehow it almost felt like he admired them now. Great description. “And no, we can’t have a cake saying ’Congratulations, Linda and Bruce’ when their names are Matilda and Ric.” The get-together with all the old friends sounds good. “No, I’m okay,” his wife replied. The way she said things these days made it sound like nothing mattered to her any more. ”Tasha Hunter escapes death by a miracle,” she quoted from a magazine she had read a year ago when she woke up in hospital, wrapped in bandages from head to toe. ”Model loses everything in tragic accident, doctors fear she may never fully recover,” she quoted from a different one, “I guess they were right.” ”They have no idea what they are talking about,” Robbie whispered and kissed her cheek, “Give it some more time.” ”I’ve given it time, Robbie,” she replied, sounding both sad and angry, ”But I’m in constant pain, and I look nothing like the old me. I will never be the beautiful Tasha Hunter they knew.” Robbie wrapped his arms tighter around her, and tried not to think about the horrible thing he was about to do to her. Maybe he shouldn’t go through with it after all? Maybe they could get through this like he pretended to believe? Poor Tasha...surely Robbie’s not going to make things worse for her and go through with...suicide...? Excellent beginning, Eli, but there IS something I didn’t like...that title! Think about it. Would you pick up a novel called “Pain Relief”? It immediately reminded me of a headache and making your readers think of headaches before they even start reading is not good. It’s best to put quite a bit of thought into a title. I realise the story has a lot to do with Tasha and Robbie coping with the pain of their loss, but something like “Sands of Time” (not very original, but best I could come up with at short notice) might have been more reader friendly. Aside from that, great start, Eli! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 Thank you for the nice words I actually changed he title many times before I ended up with this one. I agree that it might not be the most interesting one, but I think it's the one that best describes the story. It's kinda hard to explain without spoiling the story, but hopefully it will make more sense later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 14, 2008 Report Share Posted January 14, 2008 Nice update, Eli. Have both Josie and Tash been hurt or just Tasha taken an overdose or something? Hope she's okay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 20, 2008 Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 Very interesting chapter, Eli, I was really into it. I wasn't expecting both to be dead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pamy Posted February 2, 2008 Report Share Posted February 2, 2008 Great story. Please update soon. Hope Robbie didn't do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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