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emmasi last won the day on September 22 2016

emmasi had the most liked content!

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About emmasi

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    "I don't know if I want it to hurry up, or not happen at all."
  • Birthday 02/01/1985

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  1. Fiiiiinally saw Red Billabong last night! It wasn't GREAT but it was GOOD and it was fun watching Dan running around fighting monsters and such He really outshone the rest of the cast, who weren't bad at all, they just weren't at his level. I'm not watching Home and Away anymore, but I'm sure he's got a lot of fine scenes left in him as Heath. I personally am looking forward to him doing more movies. I think he's well and truly outgrown the Bay, but if I was an actor I wouldn't say no to steady work close to home either. I think he's got a bright future ahead of him
  2. For some reason I pictured her coming back to stay with Irene. I can't actually remember now if Kit ever stayed with her before, but Kim did, and since both Kim and Kit's mothers are dead, I think Irene would make a good surrogate if Kit felt overwhelmed with Archie and needed some motherly advice and help.
  3. Thank you Dan! Literally just in time! He'll be able to sleep tonight!
  4. Road tripping with my bff and he NEEDS to know the story of "On the Crest of a Wave" (something about a book by/about Fisher's dead son??) because he can't remember the details and says it's driving him crazy. It's not my era so I thought I'd throw it out to the forum. We're heading into an internet black spot for several days in a couple of hours so time is an issue aaaah!!!!
  5. You got off the roller-coaster too soon I usually tell people to try to make it to 5 because that's my favourite hehe. Also, Julie Benz is in it. Julie Benz, people!! I haven't seen VHS but I must look into it. Sorry for hijacking your fic, Ludub
  6. No no it WAS original!! There are like 30 traps in those movies and without seeing a single one, you came up with something new, as compelling and horrific and traumatising as any of those and I just think that's brilliant I have seen A LOT of movies and TV shows with scenes of horror and violence so I wasn't expecting a Home and Away fanfic to actually scare me but yours did so cudos Thankfully I have avoided the whole centipede unpleasantness lol.
  7. Ohhh you MUST watch Saw. DO NOT LISTEN to people who tell you it's nothing but gore. That's what I did for years because I don't like pointless gratuitous violence either. I thought that's all it was so I watched the 2nd one under sufferance at a friend's place and I hated it because, out of context, it IS just gore, but IN context... Oh my god... I always feel super creepy being SO into these movies lol but the twists!! The twists I tell you!!! I even tell people to fast forward the gory bits if you have to, because that is so not what it's about (well it is, but there are reasons). The first movie doesn't even have many gory bits, it's 95% psychological. You can (and should!!) watch that one without getting your eyes too bloody. But if you like that, and you decide to take the journey... Oh my god... This is the second conversation (sermon?) I've had like this about Saw within a week lol. I swear I should be getting a cut of the royalties Or at least looking over my shoulder for the men in white coats... Seriously though, this fic reads exactly like a Saw script and it is AWESOME!! You even built an original "Saw trap" for Andy (i.e. a tough psychological choice with even tougher physiological consequences) and you didn't know it! How cool is that?? Another great movie is "Se7en," but do NOT get me started on the similarities... Let's just say, if you like Se7en, there's a REALLY good chance you will like Saw. I see it as a loving tribute that takes things way too far... And they're already too far in Se7en so... yeah o.o Having said ALL of that, I get that reading and writing dark stuff is very different to seeing it acted out by actual living breathing humans, even when you know it's all fake. I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did
  8. Wow No more "Saw" movies for you!! Or, if you haven't seen them, go watch them all immediately (consecutively!! That's very important!!) because you will LOVE them! (Ok no one likes the 7th and we all wish it never existed but it does and it's the "final chapter" so just try to get through it as best you can.) I swear I was picturing one of the doomed cops from that series when Kat entered the warehouse... *shudder.* You lured me in with promises of psycho Hunter and you did not disappoint!! But I have to be honest, I enjoyed Andy's descent into madness the most. I could picture every vivid moment of it, and the ghosts were amazing. I am actually quite angry after having read this that they didn't do something like this with Oscar and Hannah's ghosts - what a waste!! (Well maybe not the creepy-sex stuff for a PG show lol). Poor, poor Josh... Not pretty anymore?! But pretty is all he had!! At least you didn't mention his hair. I'm going to choose to believe that Hunter DIDN'T pull it out strand by glorious strand, because that would just be TOO distressing for me. I know I told you I'd read this tomorrow, but I ended up wanting to watch something late on TV so I had a couple of hours to kill before hand. I really, really wish I had've waited until tomorrow. I am ALONE in this house! Thanks for the nightmares!! (If I sleep at all lol.) WELL DONE!! PS: OMG THE SONG THAT DOESN'T END HAHAHA!!!
  9. emmasi

    Support Group

    Well... I feel like s***. I was going through my inbox on here the other day and found a nice personal message I wrote to someone with all this great advice about coping with anxiety and depression. It mentioned the Support Group thread. So I thought I'd wander in and see how people are doing. Also s***, I see! I've got no advice now. I'm failing to take the advice I gave that other person way back when. I'm generally failing at everything in life. I'm failing to cope with simple things. I'm failing to speak to my friends and family without lashing out or breaking down or both. I'm not a very outgoing person so my eruptions probably don't even register for them, but to me they feel like a big deal, and like they're getting bigger. I've been putting off calling a psychiatrist for a fortnight to discuss getting some effective medication because I'm scared it'll just be the same old thing. $300 to be told "Well, you have anxiety and depression. Have you tried anti-depressants?" ................................. My draw is a pharmacy of things that either didn't work or were worse than the disease. I know I have to make the call, but the idea of going through it all again, just to get the same non-results.... Definition of insanity, anyone?? I'm on the dole. I feel like s*** because of that. I have mental problems which make job-seeking difficult. I feel like s*** because of THAT too. I live with my parents and don't pay rent because they don't want it. So, I feel like s***. I'm starting to think that I am just actually s***. I try to tell myself that since I'm not paying rent, I can at least get some savings together. But nope. Every other week, half the payment goes to some different medical/dental/psychiatric/veterinary expense, or I feel obligated to go out and "party" with my friends, even though I don't want to. All I want to do is stay home. But I don't want to lose my friends, so every now and then I have to literally p*** away $100 or so on entry fees/alcohol/taxi rides, or even $50 on lunch and a few drinks at the pub, or anything social like that that costs money that I don't really have to waste, just so I don't end up alone. And all of it just increases the stress and anxiety and makes me wonder how long before I snap too hard at someone and lose them forever anyway. I used to skate by on being good at art and writing. I can sort of bluff it with art because people don't know what they're looking at half the time, but writing is harder. People read and people write and they know good writing when they read it. They also know s***. The little I am able to produce at the moment reads like s*** to me. And that's only fanfiction anyway because I would never be able to stand up to the criticism of releasing something of my own with the intention of asking people to give me money for its existence. I fear that's what I was SUPPOSED to do with my life, but I missed my window. I was good about 10 years ago. I was good at a lot of things about 10 years ago. But the little confidence I had then has been chipped away to nothing, and I feel like nothing. I feel like s***. I feel like I will never be able to prove my worth, because I have no worth. I am literally, at least in monetary terms, worthless. I fear what will happen if my parents die before I am out of this house. I fear I won't know how to look after myself and I will die too. That's if I don't die before them, of stress, of doing something stupid, of ... "doing something stupid" ... Telephotomarigold, I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to not only try and home yourself but your cats too. I know how good I have it to have a safe, permanent residence, and how much of a spoiled brat I am for wanting to get away from it. Because I know that my life won't change until I move out of my parent's house, but I can't afford to move out anyway, and I still have one cat here, and I can't leave her. My other cat died just over a year ago, and I am still grieving badly. I have very few memories of the first cat I had (about 10 years ago, actually...), and that's because I moved out of home for a few years. I can't lose any more memories of my cats. They're too important to me. I'm going away for a week to house-sit for someone, and that makes me feel guilty enough. I know this sounds insane, and it is. I don't know if I really am this attached to my animals or if I am just using them as an excuse. Using one's life as an excuse not to live the life I know I should be living. Using one's death to ... well, to not want to live at all. Because it all seems so pointless. It doesn't matter how much you love someone or how much they love you. It doesn't matter if you do everything right. Things just fall apart anyway. And when your default setting is failure, and doing everything wrong, there's not much point trying at all.
  10. I pictured Liam Hemsworth for my fic but this also works
  11. Hah. The fools left this thread open for me to dabble in. I just reread it all (and looked at all the pretty pictures ) and it's so amusing, as I sit here now watching The Avengers on DVD, how concerned I was back then about Chris Hemsworth movies getting a cinema release! (Update on the "Ca$h" saga - I was able to buy it on DVD and I enjoyed! More recently, "Blackhat" got pulled from a scheduled cinema release here, which I was NOT happy about, but then I got it on DVD and could see why... You can't win em all.) Nowadays we could talk forever and a day about the success Chris has had (I'm still not convinced that this isn't some crazy dream I'm having), and Jason has been keeping busy closer to home (he's got his own radio show on Nova! ), but the reason I came in here today and dug this thread up is because I went to the movies last night and saw the trailer for the new Ghostbusters movie... ... and OMG you guys.... ROBBIE AND KIM HAD A BABY!!!! I was under the impression that his part in this movie was only a cameo, but he's an actual character (one I am CERTAIN Chris was coached on by Jason!) and I am SO looking forward to seeing it
  12. emmasi

    Support Group

    In my experience, very few people are actually happy. Some people are just better at pretending they're happy. I am not one of those people. I find it very difficult to pretend to be something I'm not. It gets me into trouble, a lot. I've been told "fake it til you make it!" more times than I can count. Fake being happy until you ARE happy. I don't know how to do that without feeling like a complete fraud. I don't want to be fake. So, not faking it equals not trying, and people get angry at me and tired of my bad attitude. After a while I just stop talking because I'm afraid that anything I say will be "negative" and "selfish" and "stupid" and "inappropriate". I'm afraid that being honest about how unhappy I am will make other people unhappy, and that will make them angry at me for ruining their happiness! And yet, if I follow that logic back around to the beginning, no one I know is really happy to begin with... So what people are really angry at me for is not PRETENDING to be happy, because that's what THEY do, and if THEY can do it, why can't I? Why do I think I'm too good to be fake? Why can't I just fit in and get things done and keep my mouth shut and play the game like everyone else? Why can't I be "happy" doing that? I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I could find a convenient prescription drug that would make me that way. I do keep trying all the ones they throw at me. Haven't found it yet. So many people with my mindset are fighting to be unique, fighting the system, fighting to be free of drugs, but I'm just so tired of fighting. I just want it to be easy. I just want to take the "happy" pill and be the mindless drone society wants me to be. I mean, sure, if I could be enlightened, and intelligent, and spiritual, and wise, and creative, and talented, and individual, and have fire... if I could have all that and be treated well, be treated like I matter, be treated like I'm worth anything at all, then maybe I'd choose that option. But I live in this world, here, now, in this so-called reality, and things don't work like that here. You need to be contributing, to be fitting in, to be smiling, to be producing and consuming in an endless cycle, and you need to never complain or question or doubt or challenge or change. That is the only way to survive. I need the pill that will make me WANT to survive in a world like that... a world like this... a world where control is only an illusion and nothing we do really matters. But we have to somehow pretend that it does, until we believe it does... fake it til you make it... or at least until you can make believe... If it makes anyone feel any better, I have a near-perfect life. I am comfortable and safe. I have never known any significant physical pain or injury, hardship, hunger, addiction, poverty, abuse, or tragedy. I have had every support and opportunity. I have a moderate amount of creative talent. I am reasonably smart. I am okay to look at. And yet, I still feel like absolute sh*t because something in my brain has effed up pretty bad when it comes to getting all of that positive objective information through my negative, depressed, anxious, borderline-suicidal filtering processes. And knowing how good I have it, and how bad a lot of other people have it, makes me feel even worse for being unhappy... but I can't help it. If I could "choose happiness", wouldn't I? Wouldn't everyone? How is that even a question??? If someone with my life can feel the way I do, then it has to be something outside of an "attitude problem". It HAS to be a chemical imbalance. It HAS to be fixable by drugs, if I - if we could all - just find the right one. I will not accept that this is my fault, that I deserve to feel like this because I'm simply not trying hard enough to feel better. I WILL NOT BE BLAMED FOR MY DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY. And yet... when I next see the psychologist... I'll be back to nodding and avoiding eye-contact... passively accepting her every assertion that only I can fix my problems, because, obviously, only I have created my problems... And when I next see my doctor, I'll tell her, yes, the medication HAS reduced the thoughts of suicide... down from 90% to about 40%! That's a significant reduction, alright! A COMPLETE SUCCESS!! Let's just hope nothing swings it back over the 50% mark and I don't decide to roll the dice and see what happens! PS, yeah, unemployment. And the affiliated agencies. Nothing makes you feel more worthless than having complete strangers remind you on a weekly basis how you're sucking the hard-working people of the country dry with your selfish, entitled dole-bludging. So you have a "mental disability" and can't work full time? HAH! That's the oldest trick in the book! Everyone knows mental illness is just a scam to keep lazy criminals at home smoking bongs!
  13. Then I have completely misunderstood you and you have completely misunderstood me. I don't read the Phoebe thread because I have no appreciation of her and no business being in there. You asked a question, I answered it, and then you laughed at me for doing so and still accuse me of double standards when I have explained over and over again what my standard are, but you choose to ignore that so you can go on making assumptions about anyone who happens to like any individual Braxton. Here's a freeby for you, my favourite actual Braxton was Heath, and that was purely and unashamedly because I thought he was the best looking. I can't remember a single thing he ever did, except have a couple of kids and then leave town. Oh yeah, he also made a nice cameo at Casey's grave. Wow, I remembered two whole things about him. My all-consuming Braxton obsession knows no bounds!!
  14. I was just imagining what it would have been like if they'd left Ash with Denny, which was a sweet and beautiful relationship. Imagine if they'd been happy together, but as the anniversary of Casey's death approached, Denny decided that she needed to do something big to truly let him go. She had to take that trip to Europe they had planned together, and she had to do it alone, to say goodbye. Imagine if Ash understood, and let her go... And then Denny never made it to Europe. Imagine how much more devastating that would be, to have someone who was truly waiting for her to return, and would truly mourn for her when she didn't... *sigh.* It's not just Kyle who has suffered from these pointless developments, we have ALL missed out on some potential greatness.
  15. I guess I'm too young... I do LOVE an uber bitch who OWNS her bitchiness. My biggest problem with Phoebe is that she is always playing the long-suffering victim, and only admits fault if it will lead to immediate codling, which it ALWAYS does. My all time favourite H&A character was Robbie Hunter, and Amanda Vale tore his family to shreds. He ended up having to kill his own grandfather because of her cruelty and greed. (She was keeping the old man on life support when he was already brain dead because there was some issue with his will that meant she'd lose his money if he died.) I bring this up to illustrate that I LOVED Amanda. She was FANTASTIC! You may have noticed that I've been praying for Charlotte to turn out like her, that's how much I miss her antics. I'll defend the characters I love, but I won't spew bile at the characters who hurt them as a matter of course. The difference between Amanda and Phoebe is, although Amanda played the victim and craved sympathy and reassurance that she wasn't really THAT bad, the writers, the other characters, and the majority of the audience knew that, yes, in fact, she really WAS that bad. I proved your point because your point was valid; of course I'll defend a character I like and try to explain why I would want to defend him. Isn't that kind of the whole point of what we're doing here? Let me ask you a question, though. Why don't you defend Phoebe and Ash just as passionately, if you believe in them so much? Why don't you explain to us why our hatred of them as characters is so wrong and unfair? Why don't you tell us who they REALLY are, how you see them, how you're truly invested in their relationship and why you MUST see it survive? These are genuine questions because these are the kinds of posts I want to read and the kind of discussions I want to have. You're talking to someone who fell in love with Ash the moment she saw him. Tell me how I can get back to that place, and I'll follow you there.
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