Eli Posted February 22, 2008 Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 I definitely see what you mean, I agree with you about the last chapter, I was actually trying to change that by making the chapter longer, but it got too long, because the only possible ending to this chapter except this one would be the ending of the next chapter, if that makes sense Like I've said before this isn't much like the fics I usually write, I tried something brand new here, but if it's any consolation I think I have a more emotional oneshot or short fic coming soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted February 23, 2008 Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 Great chapter, Eli. I related much more to Robbie because of the additon of emotional content, especially when he began to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Adam Jacobson... That CAN'T be a coincidence! And if it is you're just cruel!! I thought when Robbie first took the morphine that it was to kill himself, but then you tricked me by killing Tasha and Josie, and then I didn't know what to think! But now I just think... aw . He needs hugs... and possibly other stuff to take his mind off things... I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I LOVE the title Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted February 25, 2008 Report Share Posted February 25, 2008 Yay! I tricked someone! Thankyou! Yeah, I believe this is when you're supposed to call Kim and tell him it's time he go back to visit his lover best friend again Probably a new chapter later tonight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 (edited) The title of this fic has never been so apt. Reading it has relieved some pain for me tonight... Sort of felt like a bit of a filler chapter, but that's okay. Sounds like the next - and final! - installment is going to be a ripper! Ending on number 13... ominous Edited February 27, 2008 by emmasi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmasi Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Robbie sat down and sighed. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness had never been stronger, but at the same time it was a relief. And maybe, he thought to himself as he buried his face in his hands, maybe this was how peace felt. Loved that. I probably would have ended it there. But then, to me, the story was about Robbie. To you I think it was about trying to solve the case, so it makes sense to end on the victory and lessons learned of the ones who solved it. To be honest, I was a little disappointed that, after all that, it was Josie. It seemed too obvious. But, having said that, you did throw up a lot of misleading clues to distract me from the most likely outcome, so it was a fun ride And hey, you got me to read an ongoing fic all the way to the end! That is quite an achievement. I don't even remember the last time that happened. You should be very proud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 2, 2008 Report Share Posted March 2, 2008 Thanks I actually tried to make it about both, but I might have failed, cause I usually don't write fics like this one, so it's the first time I've written something like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted March 2, 2008 Report Share Posted March 2, 2008 Eli, it's a bit late now but I'll read and review some time later this week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eli Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Thanks, I really appreciate it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Sorry to take so long to review, Eli. I’ve moved to a new department in work and I’m getting home later and later and later... For me, your best chapters were chapters 2 and 3. This was where we really got to know people: Leah’s exasperation on the phone, the revelation Hayley had to “hide in the laundry room” to avoid spoiling the surprise, and then that tender scene with Tasha and Robbie. That strong characterization carried on to Chapter 3, which also had a great cliffhanger ending. This was a strong story, really well written and with great dialogue. However, I think it might have worked better if we’d had a main character ie told generally from his/her viewpoint tho, as this was about whether or not Robbie had killed Tasha and Josie, it obviously couldn’t have been Robbie. I did think at the beginning the main character was going to be Pia Correlli and perhaps one of the detectives might have been the best choice for this as they were, in effect, telling the story. But with the absence of a main character it was a little too detached. The beginning was interesting, particularly the switch from the crime scene to how it all began. The ending was good too, everything tied into place, and the light-hearted remark about the forthcoming commitment ceremony. (Sorry, but I still don’t like that title - “Pain Relief” sounds like a medical book! ) All in all, a good read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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