kase Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Jess I've already told you my thoughts on this twice but i thought I'd just publicly say you so CAN write the boys You were having doubts Jess?? Don't get me wrong, I love the girls' perspectives but the boys were fantastic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 Jess I've already told you my thoughts on this twice but i thought I'd just publicly say you so CAN write the boys You were having doubts Jess?? Don't get me wrong, I love the girls' perspectives but the boys were fantastic! NO DOUBTS, just, sexual relations and get your minds out of the gutter. I'm not a male, I don't relate well to them so I worry that I write them awkwardly. I don't know if guys actually have inner monologues like that, but MY MEN DO! haha. You guys rock *giant hugs* Thanks for still reading. And as a special treat, ANOTHER CHPATER!! Because writing girls is more fun for me - World Come Undone Chapter Seven – Promises Turned Sour - I’d just finished cleaning up the kitchen when I heard the door opening gently. Knowing that Sally and Flynn were still in bed, I immediately braced myself for the altercation that would surely occur. Ric hated it if I was up when he came home from his early morning surf. His justification for always snapping at me was that my ‘annoying high-pitched screechy voice interrupted his mellow mood’, but I so knew better. He just hated having me around. He’d been resentful ever since I’d intruded on his happy little family bubble. Our doomed before it had even began romance during our early teens hadn’t helped the matter much either. But invading his home, after my grandmother’s death. That had simply been unforgivable. Added that to the pre-existing conflict between us, life in the Saunders household had awkward for the first six months of me living there. Thankfully, Ric and I had come to uneasy truce before either Sally or Flynn had suspected our tension to be anything more than getting to know you outside school worries. However, that uneasy truce only existed when Sally and Flynn were around. When they weren’t, well, it was war. Snarling as he passed me in the kitchen, he threw his wetsuit onto the freshly washed bench, before pushing me to the side to wretch open the fridge, pull the milk out and gulp it from the bottle. “Ew,” I responded automatically, “We all have to drink from that you know?” I snapped at him, but he only turned to glare at me before drinking from the carton once more. “Fine,” I sighed deeply, turning my back on him, “Just don’t make a mess, I already cleaned once this morning and I don’t want Sal to have to do it again,” Even thought I wasn’t facing him, I knew he would be rolling his eyes behind me. He hated me even more when I ‘played mum,’ as he so kindly told me. I didn’t care though. Someone needed to show Sally and Flynn how grateful we were they’d taken us in, and treated us like family all these years, and Ric certainly wasn’t up on giving gratitude, being the pig that he was. I threw him one spiteful glare over my shoulder as I turned into the hallway, only to stop in my tracks as I heard my name being called… whispered, more like. Pausing, I finally turned to see Ric standing against the refrigerator; his shoulders slumped, his eyes darting around the room, refusing to look me in the face. “Yes?” I asked finally, knowing that it had taken all the initiative Ric had to call out my name. “Stay away from that Hunter kid,” He grunted out finally, his eyes never leaving the floor. My jaw dropped a little from shock, and no matter how hard I tried to form words, they would just not come. He had spoken to me civilly, only to warn me off a guy? As if he was my protector, out to save me from all evil. Who the hell did he think he was, literally banning me from spending time with someone! I shook my head in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?” I asked finally, marching over to Ric. He shook his head, his eyes finally looking up into mine. “No, I’m serious Cassie,” His voice was deep, full of anger, “You stay away from that guy. He’s bad news, and I don’t want you getting mixed up with him.” Letting out a bitter laughed, I shook my head. “If you think I’m going to stay away from him because you say so, you’re obviously deluded. When have you ever given me any incentive to follow your word, to believe you’d be doing me a favour?” I spat out at him, “When have you ever shown me you can be trusted, and I can actually believe what you’re saying?” Ric pushed past me roughly. “I mean it Cassie, you have to stay away from him. I’m not taking no for an answer this time,” “Since when have you ever taken no for an answer?” I cut in, turning to face him, my face pink with anger. “Since when did you get to decide what goes on in my life?” “Since now,” Ric replied darkly, his hands clenching into tight fists, “He’s not from around here, he doesn’t know how things work,” “Who doesn’t?” A sleepy voice said from behind us, as I wiped my head around to look at Sally as she yawned. “Henry, one of the kids from the family that moved into the Caravan park,” I said instantly, “He and his sister aren’t from around here, and Ric was just telling me how he thought it would be a good idea if we showed them around, got to know them,” I continued sweetly, “because it mustn’t be easy for them at all. Ric was just worried about them fitting in, weren’t you Ric?” I turned to smirk at him, knowing his blood must be boiling with rage, but would not be able to say a thing to contradict me. Not in front of Sally, at least. “Yeah,” He grunted, pushing past be sharply, “Going to shower,” he said to Sally as he walked past her down the hallway. Sally’s eyes followed him town the hallway, before slipping back to watching me. “You two were fighting again,” She stated, raising an eyebrow at me when I shook my head. “We were just talking,” I said simply, but decided to expand when Sally rolled her eyes. “No, I mean. Okay, we were arguing, but not like that,” I stressed. “I mean, he’s been working his ass off at the garage, and I’m freaking out about year 12, and its all just creating this tension between us,” I finished rambling, knowing that at least half of what I’d said was almost true. Ric had been busy, and I was kind of stressing over the whole concept of year 12. Of course the fact of the matter might have been that Ric and I would never get along no matter how perfect or smoothly our lives were running. Sally, however, didn’t really need to know that. “Hmm,” She replied, but let the matter slip, for which I was eternally grateful. Knowing the truth about Ric and I would only have worried she and Flynn more than ususal. And in between having to run the school, worry about Pippa, and Flynn being on call all the time at the hospital, the last thing either of them really needed to worry over was the petty conflict Ric and I could never get passed. I frowned as my thoughts came to rest on Ric and his ridiculous request. I’d had no intentions of interacting more than was necessary with that chauvinist Hunter boy. His smarmy attitude had turned me off him the minute he’d sidled up to us in the Surf Club. But Ric had been so … adamant … about me not seeing him, and the chance to anger him further, just by hanging out with the guy, well, the end is worth the means. Grabbing my phone from the table, I typed a simple S.O.S text to Belle and Anna, before telling Sally that I’d be home for in time for dinner. I had some serious planning to do. - “He wanted you to what?” Belle asked, her jaw dropping a little. “I’m sure he was just…” Anna began to reply; always the pacifier, but Belle gave her a sharp look. “No, no, this is unacceptable,” She said, her hands balling into fists in the sand. “He cannot, he will not, get away with acting as if he’s allowed any say in your life, or love life, for that matter.” She said, her voice cracking a little from the anger that was beginning to bubble inside of her. “To think that he could actually interfere, after all he’s put you though, well, he has another thing coming, right Cassie?” She said, rather than asked, sternly, as I glanced towards her. That had been my original plan as I’d stormed from the house. Revenge, humiliation, lavishing in the utter annoyance it would cause Ric. I mean, opportunities as rare as this must never be wasted, but my head had cleared on my walk to the beach, and now I was a little unsure. Not because I didn’t want vengeance on Ric, no, that would be bitter and sweet all in the same moment. My thoughts had turned to Sally and Flynn, and what the potentially explosive situation could do to them. They already knew Ric and I skated on thin ice together, but what would happen if I followed through with my plans? Ric had been living there longer than I, and I knew it sounded silly, but I couldn’t help but worry that if push came to shove, they’d have some kind of pecking order along the lines of first in best dressed. Where would I go, if I didn’t have them? I was just a kid, there’s no way I’d survive out there by myself! “Cassie?” Anna’s concerned voice snapped me back to the present, all thoughts of being thrown out onto the streets vanishing. Her composed face was gazing gently at me, concern etched on her features. I smiled to comfort her, realising that, even if Sally and Flynn did kick me out – and that was a big if, I thought to myself, because they would never do that to me – I’d always have Anna to escape to. “We need to think this through,” I said, shooting Belle a harsh look. “If I go head first into this then chances are I’ll screw up everything and I won’t be the one being able to laugh at Ric. Careful and calculated, right?” I said, as my eyes locked with Belle’s, but she only replied with a simple nod. “Are you sure about this Cassie?” Anna asked, ever the voice of reason in serious situations. I tipped my head to look at the frown lines that surrounded her mouth. I could almost hear the thoughts of worry swirling around her head. She was such an easy read, I thought, which worried me slightly. Anna was innocent, at an age where some kind of innocence should have been lost. She’d felt pain, to be sure. So much pain that I wasn’t sure how she handled herself so well at times, especially if Belle or I was having a minor crisis. Only when it came to boys, she’d fall apart. She’d admitted to me once it was because she felt her mother was not willing to guide her to that point yet, and when she was, well, then she’d know what to do. And while that was sweet and all, I was well aware of how persuasive a guy could be when guiding girls to that point as well, and I wasn’t prepared to let Anna go into any situation blind… or with any chance that she’d come out more broken than she already pretended not to be. I nodded slowly. “Its not like I’m going in there to marry him… or even date him, I’m just going to be-friend him. Maybe get him as a study partner, bring him home and taunt Ric with his physical presence. Nothing more serious,” I said as I took Anna’s hand a squeezed it, “I promise!” She looked deeply into my eyes before nodding, accepting my reasoning behind how and why this needed to happen, but also how I was going to go about it. I grinned at Belle, as she smiled back and pulled Anna into a giant bear hug, causing Anna to erupt into giggles. The common goal was forgotten momentarily as we morphed into little girls again, enjoying the dying rays of the sun as it faded into the horizon. - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mori Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 aw i love your writing and this fic is no exception. great chapter! i love the interaction between the girls. Keep it up this story is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed it =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*caitie* Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 lovin it!!!update soon!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 Brilliant, Jess! I especially like how you've written the Cassie/Ric relationship - the awkwardness of fitting in, the fact that they bicker, and how Sally reacts. I also liked how you showed Cassie's insecurities; Ric had been living there longer than I, and I knew it sounded silly, but I couldn’t help but worry that if push came to shove, they’d have some kind of pecking order along the lines of first in best dressed. Where would I go, if I didn’t have them? I was just a kid, there’s no way I’d survive out there by myself! These lines especially. Can't wait for more! Let the Cassie/Henry friendship begin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks heaps guys!! Brilliant, Jess! I especially like how you've written the Cassie/Ric relationship - the awkwardness of fitting in, the fact that they bicker, and how Sally reacts. I cannot tell you how RELIEVED I was to see you'd written that. I realised half way through writing this chapter I hadn't really alluded to the fact they were foster siblings. So I freaked out but thankfully Skykat managed to clue me in to just getting Drew to observe things the chapter before!! But thank you for saying that. It calmed me down even more!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kase Posted December 23, 2007 Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 I'm not a male, I don't relate well to them so I worry that I write them awkwardly. I don't know if guys actually have inner monologues like that, but MY MEN DO! haha. Haha, who knows whether men have inner monologues. If any males are reading this fic, perhaps they could enlighten us You never cease to amaze and surprise me Jess!! It's like I might as well copy and paste all my praises because I'm running out ways to say the same thing! It really must sound like I'm repeating myself each time. I was really surprised by Cassie and Ric's relationship. I thought that given how angry Ric was about Henry's advances, they had a really close one. But once again, you like to make things really complicated. This fic is just a big jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces are slowly falling together. I agree with Jen about Cassie's insecruties and I also loved the line: Ric had been living there longer than I, and I knew it sounded silly, but I couldn’t help but worry that if push came to shove, they’d have some kind of pecking order along the lines of first in best dressed. Just because it makes sense really, even though it might be harsh - it's quite logical. I also loved the observations about Anna: She’d admitted to me once it was because she felt her mother was not willing to guide her to that point yet, and when she was, well, then she’d know what to do. And while that was sweet and all, I was well aware of how persuasive a guy could be when guiding girls to that point as well, and I wasn’t prepared to let Anna go into any situation blind… or with any chance that she’d come out more broken than she already pretended not to be. She really is an intriguing character and the death of her mother has left her so wise yet vulnerable. I just want to give her a big hug!! Things are getting more complicated with Cassie forming a relationship (even if she claims it's only to spite Ric) with Henry. I hope Anna doesn't get too hurt by it...I have a sneaking suspicion that Cassie may warm to him... Sorry about the late review Jess! It really was great. Hope you have a great Christmas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 28, 2007 Report Share Posted December 28, 2007 hehe. I'm sure my male friends have inner monologues, but they are kind of an eclectic collection of special extraordinary guys, so I can't really compare them to these really, bloky blokes I'm writing, lol! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, especially the Anna observation. That was perhaps my favourite part - I love getting to know that character from everyone else's view points, and so I think its important everyone else gets to see her from their view points as well - if that makes sense! My love for this story de-railed momentarily, but its returned again (in an evil form known as Matilda *laughs evilly*) and so hopefully updates will be more regular (and I know I've promised that before, but this time I'm serious!) MORE SOON, faithful readers (however few of you there are!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksthehottest Posted December 28, 2007 Report Share Posted December 28, 2007 Just read it all...and i all i can say is that it is BRILLIANT. The writing, the charecters, the points of view.. everything is amazing. I love how you write the charecter Anna, she seems different but yet fits perfectly with the other girls, it feels like she's an actual charecter on the show. I adore the firendships between Ric and Drew and the three girls. How you introduced Matilda and Henry into this fits perfectly. Henry charecter makes me laugh, typical guy and Matilda's charecter is different too. About the points of views i definatley like Drews the best, it seems so real and believable. Also Belle's and Lucas's is pretty good too. Its like a book you can't put down and you have to keep reading, but in this case i have to stop reading since there is no more chapters left for me to read . Ohh also love the fact it's just about teens...it took me a while to get used to who likes or is attracted to who, but i evantually got there Can't wait to read more, please update soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.