sevenpuddings Posted October 30, 2007 Report Share Posted October 30, 2007 Thanks guys!! (Is it sad that I only got two reviews, one from my proof reader?) I hope everyone is enjoying it. More soon, I promise!! Don't hold me to it though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kase Posted November 13, 2007 Report Share Posted November 13, 2007 Thanks guys!! (Is it sad that I only got two reviews, one from my proof reader?) I hope everyone is enjoying it. More soon, I promise!! Don't hold me to it though I think it is sad Jess, only because this story is superb and your writing as always is brilliant. It's sad that there aren't more people aware of how great this story is. That being said, here come the compliments I love, love, love, LOVE the Anna/Belle/Cassie friendship. The dialogue between them just shows how much they all click together and I can really feel their history. “You’re such a sucker for nostalgia Anna,” I replied, “The poor sod that pops your cherry, there will be a shrine dedicated to him, I’ll bet,” I agree with Kat about this line! It was hilarious. And I don't know if I have said it enough, but I'll say it again: I love Anna. You make her so real and easy to picture. Her personality is great, and she really balances out Belle and Cassie's fiestiness. I particularly liked this paragrah: I tipped my head while observing the smile that had formed on my friends face. Her dark red hair contrasted against her pale skin – and I smiled as I noticed the few freckles that were spread across her small nose. They were the only thing Anna claimed she’d change about herself. The one and only thing, she’d always stressed. She didn’t mind if she was smaller than everyone else. Less athletic than Cassie, less feisty than me. Her freckles were the one thing she could do without. Her loving, open personality, that always left her open for broken hearts, she wouldn’t change for the world. It was her mother’s final gift, she always said. I like how you've brought in Anna's mum previously and now, it shows that her character and death had left a big imprint in these girls lives. Would love to hear more about her. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree with Kat again about this: His dirty brown hair was pushed back off his face, his muscular arms streaked with oil from a hard days work. The white stained wife beater clung desperately to his toned body. Beats of sweat had formed in the early spring heat, and occasionally he would reach up behind his neck, pushing them away. Licking my lips unconsciously, I felt my hand twitching in my lap, almost aching to read out and touch… Boy, I want a piece of Ric after that description! I hope you will have more soon If you do, I promise to review quicker this time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Ah Kase, you spoil me with your love!! Thanks so much for the review & I hope that now I'm on vacation I'll be able to update more. And perhaps get more people back into reading this story? Anyhoo, an update. You'all better love me for this World Come Undone Chapter Six – Lessons learned early. - The haze had only just settled across the horizon as my feet touched the cool sand. Striding down the beach I pulled my board tighter under my arm as my eyes swept the break, quickly determining the best place for the big waves. Even though it was early morning, I still felt beads of sweet forming on my brow from the intense heat of the spring sun. Summer was threatening, even though spring had only just arrived, and as my thoughts turned to the coming school term, the beginning of my final school year – I felt my stomach dropping slowly. It was easy enough to surf in this weather. Even lending Ric a hand at the garage, but school, well, I’d never been an attentive student on my good days. The heat only served to distract me from, who was I kidding. I distracted myself fine without any heat or cold. Dumping my towel on the sand, I looked into the ocean not surprised to find a lone figure sitting out back, watching for the perfect break. Shaking my head, I dug my board into the sand before sitting down next to it, my eyes on Ric. Ever since his Dad’s death a couple of years ago, I’d seen my best mate grow up. Really grow up, that is. Into a man. He’d been dealt a **** card, hell, we both had, but Ric had come into his own, taking on this apprenticeship at the local garage, finding a place for himself with Sally and Flynn, and really trying to get his life into shape – something his old man never wanted to see him do. Me? Well, my life had just sucked from beginning to now. Mum didn’t want me, so she shipped my off to my Dad’s, who resented me, but begrudgingly kept me around. This turned into what my guidance counsellor likes to call ‘pent up resentment and hostility towards the world’ which resulted in my lack of respect for just about anyone or anything. It also meant I picked a fight with this smart ass on the first day of year seven. Turned out he was the best friend I ever could have had. After being reprimanded and suspended for fighting in the playground, Ric and I were forced into the local boxing team. Something to do with the philosophy of ‘If you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right.’ Funny thing was, after Ric and I got rid of our anger in the ring, we realised we were kinda the same. More than the same, actually, and a bond had been formed. Doing anything to avoid going home at night, spending hours walking the beach just to escape our lives. That was something about us other people didn’t understand, I mused as I stood up. The fact that, while we came off as arrogant bastards, all we really were, was just a little fragile inside. But that something that neither of us would admit to, or even bring up in any topic of conversation, even around one another. If we came off as strong, we needed to pretend to be strong. Like steel, on the inside as well as out. Not that either of us had a heart of stone. Ric loved his foster parents, Sally and Flynn, more than anything. And me? Well, Uncle Dan and Aunty Leah had been kind enough to let me stay with them, which is more than I can say for my parents. Somehow that meant I was nicer to them than anyone else in the town. Maybe even loved them a little. But I didn’t ever show it. Wearing your heart on your sleave only ever meant trouble, and Ric and I found enough trouble as it were, without adding feelings or even girls into the mix. That didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about girls. Ric too. We’d thought about girls. Dated some even. But only for the hell of it. Getting in to deep was, too risky, I thought, shaking my head a little as a flash of red hair and dimples crossed my mind. Getting in deep was unacceptable, no matter how kissable her lips looked, or how wonderful her smile was. Getting in deep was out of the question, I said roughly to myself, pulling my board from the sand and heading into the waves. If anything, the ocean, the melodic beat of the waves would clear my head of thoughts that should never have been allowed to stray. - Ric only nodded at me as I paddled to his side. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I surveyed the empty beach in front of me before swivelling and looking out into the break. There weren’t many monster waves about today, I considered, as I watched the small waved crash onto the shore. Yet here Ric and I were. Like always. I opened my mouth to speak, but was a little shocked when Ric beat me to it. “That blonde, yesterday. What did you think of her?” His eyes stayed glued to the shore, as if scared to see my reaction. Probably for the best, I thought, as I shut my jaw quickly. Ric rarely mentioned girls, and never during our early morning surf. Images of her must have had him up all night, mulling over anything and everything she had done towards him. I shrugged my shoulders before realising her probably couldn’t see it. Damn him for making me verbalise my answers. “She was just a girl man,” I said finally, hoping this would suffice. Only it didn’t, as Ric turned his gaze on me, asking silently with his eyes for more than that. “Man you know she was hot,” I breathed finally, “Like, really hot. But with all her laughing and touching and watching, she’s not my type. Too high maintenance, I reckon. I mean she’d want you to be around all the time, spend every waking moment with her, carry her books at school, or her bags at shopping. Not to mention the money she’d expect to be spent on her. High class, that one. Lots of baggage too,” I grunted, looking at Ric as a sly grin crossed his face. “So much for just a girl then mate?” He replied, a hint of teasing in his tone. I glared at him before snapping “Yeah, just a girl for me. But obviously not for you,” Ric only shook his head in reply, before looking back towards the beach. A man of few words was my best mate. Somehow he always managed to get me to babble on, yet he always managed to answer simply, quickly and painlessly. Oh how I hated him at times. “So, you think I’m in with a chance?” Ric asked finally, hope filling his voice. I laughed a little, before punching his arm in a friendly gesture. “How could she resist the towns foremost apprentice mechanic? I mean, with those overalls, and grease smudged muscles, I expect her to be throwing herself at you within a week,” I joked with him, before nodding a little. “Man, she’d be a fool not to go for you,” He grinned a little at me, before turning his attention back to the break behind us. My job, it seemed, had been done. All he needed was that bit of reassurance before making his move. That girl, whatever her name was, sure didn’t stand a chance now. - When the break had well and truly been wasted, Ric and I paddled back into the shore. Neither of us really had anything better to do, it was Ric’s day off, and I didn’t have work till that afternoon, but there was just no point sitting out there waiting for a break that wasn’t going to come. Falling onto the sand, I closed my eyes and soaked up the warmth of the sun. “Dudes,” A slick voice said from behind me. Turning slowly, I looked up to see the tanned boy from the diner walking onto the sand, his fancy, new board tucked under his arm, his eyes covered by his not so cheap sunglasses. “Nice break then,” He threw his towel down next to mine, and pulled off his sunglasses to look down at me. I only snorted a little in response, looking quickly at Ric who was grinning a little too. Obviously this kid knew nothing about the beach, because it was so obviously flat as hell out there. He continued on though, unperturbed by our obvious mocking of him. “I’m Henry,” He said, sticking his spare hand out in greeting. Eying his hand warily, I reached out and shook it quickly. “Drew. And that’s Ric,” I said, pointing over my shoulder towards Ric, who nodded in reply. “Ah, the guys from the diner.” Henry said, grinning a little. “You both met my sister, Matilda, last night,” He concluded, sitting down next to me as if he’d been invited. “Blonde, skinny, giggly?” I replied, as Henry nodded in reply. “Yeah man, we met her.” Ric, his ever-silent self, was sitting behind me, studying this kid with intense interest. He couldn’t possibly be considering making friends with this loser, I thought to myself, before Ric broke the awkward silence that had formed. “What’s your story? Why are the two of you in Summer Bay?” He asked, sounding genuinely curious, and if I hadn’t known him better, I would have thought he really was considering a friendship with this douche. Instead, he was doing the best thing he could in the situation that had been presented to us. Probing this guy for information he could use to get to the sister. Sneaky bastard. Henry shrugged nonchalantly and looked at Ric. “My Dad cheated on my Mum for basically her entire life. My sister and I were shoved into boarding school. Then my Dad died, and my Mum sold our family farm, and moved us all oh so sweetly here to hell,” He replied, his voice deadpan. Stunned into silence, Ric and I glanced at one another, neither sure of the appropriate way to respond. As it turned out, we didn’t have to, as Henry just continued. “And at first I thought that it would be a waste of space. I mean, this is practically hick country area, but then man, I saw some chicks, and decided that maybe it would be worth it after all,” He winked casually at us as his eyes began to wander down the shore which was slowly filling with people. “Matilda thinks I’m wasting my time, what did she tell me? That they breed them differently around here. Damn right they do. Something in the water makes them look ever so fine. Like that tall, dark skinned one I saw yesterday,” Here he paused to let out a low whistle, “What a fine piece of ass,” he finished, as I glanced at Ric’s seething face. That ‘fine piece of ass’, as Henry had so nicely put it, just happened to be Cassie Turner, Ric’s one time flame and all time sister. Henry didn’t know it now, but he’d just crossed a huge line. - - - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*caitie* Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 uh-oh, what's ric gonna do??great update!i!i!i lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matticus01 Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 heya i just read this whole fic and i loved every second of it...the way you write your characters is so intense and really gives you a tone of what they see, think and feel around them. The way you have written Matilda and Henry is wonderful because i love it...the troubled twosome Belle is absoloutely fantastic and anna and cassie suit that friendship so perfectly... keep up the fab work :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Thanks heaps for the reviews!! I'm glad some people seem to be enjoying it still! I promise, I'll update really, really soon =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 Jess's back!! Yay! I absolutely loved this chapter. The interaction between all the boys was spot on. I also found the back story behind Drew intriguing. The friendship between Drew and Ric is so well written, I wish they would write them like that on the show. Anyways, brilliant as always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*caitie* Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks heaps for the reviews!! I'm glad some people seem to be enjoying it still! I promise, I'll update really, really soon =) Really really soon as in...now??!!! lol! Please update soon!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kase Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 Yaaay!! Have some more love Jess! That was a great chapter. The great things about your writing is that you really get into all the characters. You give them all light and shade from everyone's perspective. And your writing is consistant but also changing pending character. Like you have your own unique style but you're able to apply it to each character differently. I love Drew&Ric! The back story is great. His own observations also show his maturity and respect for the bond between the two. I like the descriptions about Ric, maybe because in H&A Ric certainly comes across as more mature than the others in his age-group, but it really suits him. The fact that, while we came off as arrogant bastards, all we really were, was just a little fragile inside. But that something that neither of us would admit to, or even bring up in any topic of conversation, even around one another. If we came off as strong, we needed to pretend to be strong. Like steel, on the inside as well as out. This was also a really nice passage, showing Drew's vulnerability as well. I shrugged my shoulders before realising her probably couldn’t see it. Damn him for making me verbalise my answers. That was a great line. What a male way to think! I also loved the humor you brought in for the guys. And bringing Henry in was a great idea! Him and Mattie are great in this fic, they are really making waves in Summer Bay. I love how Ric was exploiting Henry for information lol, and the ending left me cracking up! That ‘fine piece of ass’, as Henry had so nicely put it, just happened to be Cassie Turner, Ric’s one time flame and all time sister. Henry didn’t know it now, but he’d just crossed a huge line. Can't wait to see how that pans out...though it's not like Ric can talk considering he wants in on Henry's sister. Well done Jess And a promise for something really really soon...You're leaving us all hanging lol oooh, and what about Maddie liking Drew? Hmm...that's a little disaster coming up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skykat Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 Jess I've already told you my thoughts on this twice but i thought I'd just publicly say you so CAN write the boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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