I love music Posted December 10, 2006 Report Share Posted December 10, 2006 At the authors note! Oh Frank why did you have to go and ruin it? I loved it ILM. Loved Sally and Lance, he's as innocent as her. 'Jumping jellybeans'...where do you think of these things from? I loved the touching moment between Sally and Steven aswell when he realised they could help each other, that was lovely and the silly songs and the commercial. I always knew a different version of that song though...think my Mum must have made it up! Pippa's words to Carly were so fitting aswell and it was nice to see Carly being accepted. Great chapter but Frank's warning at the end really chilled me out...great writing. I checked out on the internet and found there were several different versions of both songs. I couldn't quite find the ones I remembered either! Thanks for your lovely review, Kat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skykat Posted December 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2006 No worries chick. I still think my mum made her version up though: 'Nobody loves me, everybody hates me I'd better go and eat some worms, the first one was slimy, the second one was slimy, the third one gave me germs...' she used to sing that so often when I was growing up...still does actually Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunny Girl Posted December 10, 2006 Report Share Posted December 10, 2006 (edited) Awww .... I love the scene between Lance and Sally; I can picture it so clearly in my head. And the moment between Steven and Sally - You capture moments like this so well! I'm very impressed ILM!!! Edited December 10, 2006 by Sunny Girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 20, 2007 Report Share Posted January 20, 2007 Hmm, well I thought Chapter 20 was one of my best chapters for a while, but, seeing as nobody commented, I don't think anybody else did. I've been working on other stuff for the past few weeks, but don't think you're getting away from this fic. I'm getting back to writing it pretty soon so, time permitting, expect another update in a couple of weeks... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skykat Posted January 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2007 ILM I had no idea you'd even updated! You're right, this was one of your best chapters yet...so much to love about it. Sally knelt up on the bed, pushing up the curtains with her head (hands can’t touch or it’s bad luck, hands can’t touch or it’s bad luck). I don't know why but that line seemed to tie in so well with later Sally, her OCD, kind of like she'd always had these wierd little insecurities. Great writing though, really bought her character alive for me. “The tin man. The one don’t have the heart,” he said coldly. God my heart bled for him. Poor Steven, why did Frank have to be so cruel? I just wanted someone to reach out to him and give him a hug. Really emotional stuff. Everyone was out and Lynn was to be kept in hospital till tomorrow for observation. She had Tom and Pippa all to herself. How could she ever have felt unwanted? Hugs and kisses goodnight, hot chocolate and marshmallows, a foamy bubble bath, fresh-scented sheets and another chapter of Five Dolls in the House, one of the books that hadn’t been too badly damaged when Steven had trashed the room. (Somehow Sally knew it was Steven, but somehow she didn’t want to dob him in either.) Five Dolls, one of Pippa’s favourites when she was eight too, was a very funny story of a little girl who could make herself small enough to go inside a doll’s house, where she met the likes of bossy Vanessa, posh Jacqueline, and, most of all, mischievous Lupin and her equally mischievous friend the monkey, who lived on the roof and liked to shout down the chimney at everyone.Okay, okay you had me crying at this point. So gorgeous, I got such a lovely, warm, fuzzy feeling from this bit. I really wanted somebody to give me a hug and kiss goodnight and give me hot chocolate and marshmellows! Really evocative description, so touching I was in tears. But her voice lost itself in the darkness and still nobody answered. Sally and Mrs Martha were all alone. Still crying, poor Sally, you do know how to tug at the heartstrings ILM. The song was great, really impressed you made the words up. It seemed so perfect interwoven with Steven's memories. No one heard. Maybe he didn’t say it too loud. Maybe he didn’t say it at all. He tried to make out it was no big deal, his not belonging anywhere. He yawned, locked his fingers together, stretched his arms high above his head. Frank threw him a look. Dead at ten paces. I really felt Steven's lonliness right through this chapter, I was just dying for someone to reach out and hug him. Putting everyone in pairs too really emphasised the lonliness, great work. The memories are so effective in really bringing the characters to life, such brilliant, brilliant writing I'd be here all day if I picked bits out. Just know that I loved them, all of them. The music came to him again. Soft and melodic, then faster and faster, first drifting, then rushing towards him across the moonlit ocean, curling round his heart. A song without words, filled with memories and faces and tears and laughter. He smiled, reliving the memory of Tina and Jip, and then, suddenly remembering Frank again, sighed deeply into the restless wind. He was in heaps over taking the guitar. Beautiful description, really well written and then twinged with such sadness that he's so worried about Frank. So devastatingly effective. “Milko had steak, chips and berries for supper though,” he said helpfully, thinking perhaps Scotty would be put in a better mood if he heard their prisoner was being well fed. I love Kane so much. His childish innocence is perfect, so cute and provides great bits of humour to such dark times. You're still the best children's writer I've ever read. Scotty looked down at his stinging fist, half in satisfaction, half in fear. What if this Milko dude and his weirdo mates Deefa and Fred laid into him for thumping Kane? For ****’s sake! Now he was even thinking like his loopy kid brother! Scotty was fast reaching an inevitable conclusion. There was only one solution to the ever increasing insanity that was threatening to sweep him in its path too. Milko had to go... Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! How could you! Don't you dare Scotty! Great ending, really good. Will it work if I demand, more, now? Anyway I'll end long review, it was long because there was so, so much to like about it. I'm only sorry I didn't realise you'd updated sooner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarEmpress Posted January 22, 2007 Report Share Posted January 22, 2007 (edited) Great story. Poor Sally. I even liked Lance and I don't know his character that well. Edited January 23, 2007 by JaguarEmpress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarEmpress Posted January 23, 2007 Report Share Posted January 23, 2007 Is it okay if use some of the Sally background in my Unfinished Business story? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 23, 2007 Report Share Posted January 23, 2007 Is it okay if use some of the Sally background in my Unfinished Business story? No problem. I have used some actual events anyway, but put my own slant on it (eg it was apparently never made clear if Sally witnessed her parents' deaths or not, but in my version she does). Sorry for the long delay in replying, blame the time difference between the UK and New England. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarEmpress Posted January 26, 2007 Report Share Posted January 26, 2007 It wasn't that long and I know time is limited. Thanks, great story. I keep crying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 Sorry for the long delay in updates. Been working on other stuff. Think I might be approaching the end of this fic in a couple more chapters tho so thanks to everyone for all their information about the early characters. I feel like Lynn is the only one I never really got to know properly, but Tom, Pippa, Sally, Steven, Carly and Frank have all come alive for me during the writing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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