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Fate (by pembie) - comments


pembie

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Very unusual. For a moment I wondered if you were going to have the Grim Reaper challenging the brothers to a game challenge (as in Bill and Ted/ the Seventh Seal films). :lol:

Just one tip on writing. When a new character speaks, put it on a new line e.g.

The Grim Reaper pointed to the picture with a bony finger and pulled Justin over to him with the other and whispered in his ear.Justin pulled back and said:

“Aden it is not your time yet”

Aden looked taken back

“did that thing just speak to you Justin?”

“Yep cool don’t you think?”

The Grim Reaper pulled Justin back, Justin spoke his message to Aden.

“ You feel guilty you couldn’t save her from her cancer don’t you,? We will give you one more chance brother to save her.”

Its much easier to read that way. Just trying to help, don't shoot me :)

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