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Guest Jackieleanne

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Chapter 8

I clutch the bag and make my way into the staff toilets at school knowing that the next moment could change my life forever, making my way inside the cubical and locking the door shut I open my bag and take the box out, I open it and take the stick out looking at it for a moment before deciding that it is one more test that I need to get over and done with.

Two minutes later I look down at the stick and feel tears sting my eyes once more it is negative, the fifth test in two months of trying that has come back negative no matter how many times Lucas reassures me I can’t help but feel that we are never going to be able to have another baby, that thanks to Scott I will never be able to give Lucas another child.

“Matilda is that you?” I hear Sally’s voice, as the tears fall rapidly from my eyes as I stare down at the test stick,

“Yea” I cry,

“Matilda what’s wrong?” she asks me concern evident in her voice, I wipe my tears away and put the test back in my bag before opening the cubical door “You know you can talk to me Matilda” she says

“Oh Sal its just all to much” I cry falling into her arms in tears,

“Shh Matilda come on I think you need to talk about this lets go to my office” She tells me.

“Sal can I have a word about the game” I hear Dad say as Sally makes her way into the reception room of her office “Mattie sweetie what’s wrong” he says rushing to me as he sees me,

“She’s just upset I’m going to go and have a word with her can I speak to you about the game after” Sally says as she opens her door,

“Actually dad can you come in with me I think I’d rather have you with me” I say softly taking his hand,

“Sure love” he says following behind me into Sally’s office.

“Well Sally at Cassie’s party when Scott Phillips attacked me he punched me in the stomach when we got to the hospital we found out I’d miscarried, we didn’t even know I was pregnant” I say tears falling down my face slowly as I explain to her, while dad squeezes my hand reassuringly,

“Mattie that’s awful you should of said, you shouldn’t be at school when you’re getting over something like that” Sally says concerned

“Its ok Sal, I can’t stay at home on myself it would just drive me insane, I need to work but well the reason I was crying in the toilets Is because me and Lucas have been trying for a baby since then and every test has come back negative” I explain sadly putting my head down,

“Mattie I’m sure that nothing is wrong it will just be stress but maybe if it’s stressing you out so much you should go to the hospital and see Flynn or Rachel about it and find out for certain” she said softly,

“Thanks Sally” I say,

“Maybe you should take the rest of the day off Mattie and get some rest” Sally says,

“Yea I think that’s best love I’ll drive you home if that’s ok Sal” Tony says,

“Sure it is Tony” Sally says smiling warmly at me.

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Chapter 9

“Hey what are you doing home” I say to Lucas as he enters the house half an hour after I had arrived home with Tony,

“Dad rang me and told me what happened, come here babe” he says holding his arms out for me I instantly run into them holding onto him tightly not wanting to let go as it all comes to much for me again, tears falling rapidly down my face,

“shh hun we are going to get through this you can’t get stressed out about things I’m sure everything’s fine and that eventually we will have another child to join our baby but even if things don’t work out as planned and we can’t conceive again then that doesn’t mean I will love you any less and we can look into adoption and other methods if there is a problem but I am sure that nothing is wrong” he whispers soothingly in my ear as he rubs my back gently,

“I guess you’re right I can’t help it though Lucas I want another child so much” I cry,

“I know you do sweetie but you can’t let it get you down, now I spoke to Flynn and he says we can go and see him now” Lucas tells me breaking the hug as he lifts my face up so that I’m looking up at him,

“But what about the kids who’s going to pick them up” I say softly,

“Dad says he will pick them up on the way home so come on lets get this over with everything is going to be fine I promise” he tells me taking my hand in his own.

“Right Matilda, Lucas I’m happy to tell you that there is absolutely no reason why Matilda can’t have a child in the future” Flynn tells us as he looks over the results,

“Then why haven’t I yet?” I ask as Lucas takes my hand,

“Matilda you will get pregnant when your body is ready for it, you are stressed out about everything that’s happened and with each pregnancy test that you have been taking the negative results are just adding to that stress you need to take things easy and recover spend time with your family and doing the things that you love, take time off work. Both Lucas’s and your test came back positive so there is absolutely no reason while you should have difficulty getting pregnant other than stress” Flynn says smiling warmly at me and Lucas,

“Thank you Flynn” Lucas says,

“I’m going to write you a sick note Matilda which you can hand into my wife, you may not realise it but you need time off work you need time to get over what happened to you to talk about things with others rather than keeping everything bottled up inside, maybe Lucas could take the time off as well and you should enjoy a family holiday it might be just what you need to take your mind of things” he suggests to us,

“That sounds like a good idea” I say smiling for the first time since the pregnancy test had come back negative.

“Bye you two and Lucas make sure she takes things easy” Flynn says

“Don’t worry about that I’ll make sure of it” Lucas tells him as he wraps his arm around my waist as we walk towards the door.

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