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The Queen’s Christmas Tribute


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Story The Queen’s Christmas Tribute
Type of story: Short fic
Main Characters: Robbo and Tori and others
BTTB rating: A

Genre: Christmas Comedy
Does story include spoilers: No
Any warnings: I don't know depends if you like spourts
Summary: A short silly Christmas story I adapted from one of my own stories after going to watch
Bohemian Rhapsody but see if you like it I think it kind of works

Chapter one

The Queen’s Christmas Tribute

“Is this the real life? is this just a fantasy? Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality”
Robbo Brussels pauses for dramatic effect sighing with hopes of warranted mercies of sympathy. When none are served up to satisfy Robbo’s attention seeking characteristics he looks up from gazing at the counter top.
Robbo’s small pitiful glum eyes are meet by Tori the Turnip’s balding head of white flesh, The greenery of her leafy locks having already been trimmed or hacked away depending on one’s opinion over the haircut and style

“By gum your snozzcumber snort ball of Grouchiness aren’t you? Cheer up you bogey ball of sourness?

Robbo gives a deadpanned facial expression towards what he considers a right stunning beauty and that’s saying a lot. Turnips aren’t highly ranked within the vegetable family But Robbo’s eye had been caught by Tori’s leafy hairdo’s freshness and the way it hung and swung loose with purpose. That purpose and beauty glossed over for Robbo, her pale skin’s ghostly complexion that had a odd habit of changing colours such as purple’ red and sometimes even hulk greenish depending on where the sun decided to sparkle his joyful warmth.
Robbo had a wandering eye he was very aware that there were much more attractive or even drop dead gorgeous veggies out there than turnips. SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE FANDANGO THERE WERE!!!! Vegetables that would make you forget that you were nothing but a little ball of bitterness snot known by children around the world as bogeys. Bogeys that people fed their dogs underneath their Christmas decorated tablecloths after pretending to eat and enjoy themselves a spout. Sometimes even their dogs would turn their wet noses up at this Christmas forced upon tradition. The family name of Brussels wasn’t even good enough to be thought of as scraps, quite the rejection when you are turned down by a dog a creature who often sees a piece of poo as a forbidden treat awhile out for a walk.

“Cheer up Robbo its Christmas” Tori offers this with a joyful grin.
Ah there it is the rosy strawberry smile of lipstick ah if only he didn’t feel such a whiny unwanted unloved little vegetable Robbo would have answered her with something witty and clever maybe even charming but instead he went with…

“Open your eyes Tori Look up to the skies and see I’m just a poor sprout I need no sympathy…”

“That’s grand bobs your uncle because I wasn’t giving you any sympathy Robbo I was just saying its Christmas and you’re being a right misery.”

“Because I’m easy come easy go little high little low”

“You’re a grumpy pants is what you are Robbo”

“Hit me where the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me… to me” Benny sighing with despair notices Tori shaking with laughter.

“Oh my was that a joke really Robbo you are quite the little comedian and your right to boot as well. It doesn’t matter to you which way the wind blows. One look at your sour looking face and you would give people outrageous cases of the trumps for days”




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Ahhh... A very unique take on Robbo and Tori's love story, Pembie! 😄 I love that Robbo was quoting the Bohemian Rhapsody song while being I guessing Brussels Sprouts and Tori's a turnip! I have to wonder, where do you come up with this stuff? I look forward to more.

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Thank you for your comments its quite hard getting this into chapters but here you go

Chapter 2

Tori was somewhat hoping to arouse even the smallest of smiles from Robbo but she should have known better, because he was a right glum bum. It seemed to her that Robbo Becket Reid Rob Bob Ryan whatsever his name Brussels was had and always would be on the verge of despair, and unknown to Tori’s limited understanding she was but one of a long endless continuous lines of Christmas turnips getting replaced once the past years had been eaten. Robbo knew this all too well having lost her to the oven year in year out. But because of such the distaste and dislike for Brussels spouts Robbo had no clue what might have happened to his own kind. But he imagined his long line of lost family of spouts, poor little mites, their remains lay at the bottoms of dustbins or food composters. Left behind on shop shelves un brought turning grumpier and grumpier with old age, that would become the burden of the lonely sprout, maybe make the odd friend along the way. Tori turnips being the friendliest of the Christmas vegetable range year in and year out became Robbo’s friend and then having to watch as she got sliced and diced boiled or steamed.


This act of cruelly effected Robbo on an emotional level more so than say the King Alfred potatoes. They just thought themselves too cool for school with their hardened skins with their fluffy insides. Ok they had their crowns and their no nonsense way of speaking as they bounced or rolled  around the chopping broads with glee dressing themselves as Christmas snowmen with the aid from the Christmas pudding white snow frosting, and they  oozed with sickly joy as the potato peeler striped them of their body weight. Their widened eyed look of horror always made Robbo laugh as they were thrown into a boiling saucepan or roasted crispy brown or their jackets torn open and spread upon by Christmas cranberries.


Then there was John Palmer the Carrot who had somehow become the Christmas celebrity of the vegetables. The most Christmassy act of a carrot that Robbo could see was being rammed into the face of a child’s snowman, and having a frozen pointy rear end is no sort of fame. John was always insisting that he didn’t do what he did for the fame it was for joy he brought to the people. Hmmm sorry what people? I think he meant bunny rabbits and that being one bunny rabbit really Bugs Bunny. A raw carrot tastes the best the only reason why children favoured them over spouts were because of the tales of them getting to see better in the dark. This allowing them to play with their toys when their parents were in bed at night.


Robbo though held Tori with high praise and regard maybe there was a small hint of love there for the turnip even  and because of this that Robbo felt the need to bring the doomed fates of the veggies to their attention. Turning towards Tori’s smiling face Robbo braced and buckled in to be the sprout who pulled the final curtain call of this Oh we have left the supermarket and gone to live somewhere new happy fun sort of  Christmas pantomime to a close.


“Tori the chef has just killed a Ryder the onion put a knife against his head lifted chopped and now his dead. Tori life had just begun but now Brody the cook has gone and thrown Ryder’s skin away.


Robbo stopped talking for just a moment Tori the turnip had started to cry.


“Tori whoooo whooo didn’t mean to make you cry”


“Robbo why would that nice man up there with the large sharp knife want to kill Ryder Do you mean he wants to eat us?”


“If I’m not back this time tomorrow carry on carry on because nothing really matters”


“Oh my goodness we are all doomed I get why you’re such a misery Robbo we everybody here is the Christmas dinner. But that's just isn't on my gummy bears gum drops just think if you are right Benny you are about to get your crown jewels sliced and diced and that's no laughing matter"





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Haha, all the Bay in a real unique version, Ryder as an onion, Alf as a potato, and John as a carrot, but it doesn't look well for any of them if they're all destined for the Christmas dinner. Look forward to more. 

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