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Learning To Breathe


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Learning to Breathe

Story Title: Learning to Breathe

Type of story: Medium/Long fic (15ish chapters hopefully! Which is good for me, if you've ever followed any of my fics you'll be impressed by the shortness :P)

Main Characters: Jack and Martha

BTTB rating: T

Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst

Does story include spoilers: No. It changes the past.

Any warnings: Language, Sexual content, Violence (all mild)

Summary:

Jack and Martha meet 2 years after falling apart, still married and still very much in love. Do they admit it? No. Maybe being in love isn't what they need right now. Some pretty bad things have happened which they both need to get through. Fortunately they have each other to help. But is one of their problems beyond help?

Intro

Okay so I'm doing a Prologue aswell, but I thought I'd just spell out the main parts right now to avoid confusion-

--This is set 2 years from the time where Martha and Michael moved away for like.. a day. The only difference is it was JUST Martha who moved to the city, and she actually stayed there. Jack wasn't getting married, he was just getting really cosy with Sam and his ADOPTED son Rory so she had to get over him.

--Because Jack wasn't getting married, he didn't need a divorce. Let's just say.. it never really came up before Martha ran off. There was no need.

--Sam is actually a mental person in this fic too. Even though Jack tried his damned hardest to forget Martha and live his life with Sam, her paranoia got the best of her. She hurt him like he hurt her - she smothered her own child and then, realising what she'd done, overdosed in the sea... only to be washed up on the beach quite similarly like she did in the show. She didn't set anyone up for her "murder".. she just commited suicide because she was mental and killed her son!

--Obviously.. Jack's not going to be the churpiest person in the world. What would you do? He just fled to the city. Subconciously trying to find martha, his best friend and his current wife. But.. you know.. it's a big city, and he was in a dark place by himself. People change. Jacky did.

I'm writing this for the 2 J&Mers left. :P Oh, and I'm also going to have actual titles for the chapters in this fic! :o With lyrics or song titles.. and I've had a strange amount of fun picking them out! :P See if you can guess which song they're from. Obviously.. the first one is slightly obvious.

Leave a comment, please. Show me that there are still some J&Mers out there.

PROLOGUE – THE RAIN MUST FALL

When Jack Holden was 16 he fell down a tree. He fell from about 8 feet and landed on his arm: breaking it in two places as a result. He had gotten to miss about 4 days of school in total and he had lots of excuses for not writing notes in class. However he hadn’t been able to play football, basketball, or even his game console at home for weeks. He had missed the school dance, which he should have been going to with his first real crush Claire Cruckshanks from the year above and instead she took some other guy who had two fully functioning arms and could slip a suit jacket all the way down to his wrists. It had also been common knowledge that things had gotten a little more serious than hand holding and kissing under the disco ball. Jack had felt like the unluckiest guy in the world, and had truly thought that his life would never sink so low.

Jack Holden was now 25 and he didn’t know where his estranged wife who he was still madly in love with was. About a week ago his long-term partner Sam had been washed ashore on the same day he had found the body of his adopted-son in his bed. She had killed herself via overdose after suffocating her only son with a pillow in their family home. Just because of her sick state of mind and uncontrollable jealousy over a woman Jack had been trying so hard to forget.

Anyone would agree that today’s events were much worse than what took place 9 years ago, but all Jack could think of when he was preparing for Sam and Rory’s funeral was Claire Cruckshanks and the opening few games he missed of his basketball season. He didn’t know why or understand how such meaningless thoughts could interfere at a time where his mental state was so crucial and valuable to him. He was supposed to be thinking of Sam and Rory and what his life ahead meant, but somehow he seemed to have found time to be distracted and think of these irrelevant subjects. He wondered if maybe it was because of the pressure in his head, the pounding ache that squeezed his brain from every corner, and that it was forcing out memories that he hadn’t asked for. He wondered if he was going crazy.

But his fingers were strangling his wrists and his heel was tapping the floor nervously and he couldn’t help but feel 16 again. He had often sat on the end of his bed, as he was doing now, staring down at his plastered-clad-arm with pure hatred. Although Jack had no tattoo’d plaster to watch, he maintained his stare on the arm that had held his adopted-son’s body close to his chest only 5 days before. It seemed just as ill and broken as his distorted arm had all those years ago.

All he’d wanted to do back then was run away. He was pretty adamant that his luck had dried up in his home town and that he’d blown all his chances and he’d never stop blaming himself and that stupid tree for letting Claire Cruckshanks go. He’d formed a plan in his head where he’d pack up his bags and move to the city – where there was a whole town buzzing with sports and beautiful women that would put even Claire Cruckshanks to shame. But he was only 16 and only had one functioning arm so he didn’t get very far.

But now Jack was 25, and although they were weak, he technically had two able arms. What was stopping him?

Nothing was stopping him, and nothing did. He made a rash decision, an impulse reaction that he wasn’t sure if he’d regret a few months or even years down the line – but he didn’t care. All he knew was that this town was choking him, and Sam’s lingering presence was smothering him; just like it had their son. He had to get out, away from where he could feel her and hear her and breathe her. Away from the intoxicating memories that had seemed to follow him about town whenever he tried to mourn or forget or do whatever people who have lost their partner, son and unborn child in one week do. He figured there wasn’t a general protocol for people like him to follow, and so he’d have to just make up his own rules and guidelines. If that meant he needed to leave the bay, then not many people were in a position to stop or object to him.

So he did what his 16 year old self hadn’t had the guts or strength to do all those years ago – he left. He didn’t do it quite as coolly or as James-Bond-like as he’d always imagined. He hadn’t needed to use the window or organise a taxi to pick him up in the early hours of the morning because he was an adult now and he had a car and he didn’t have to answer to anyone else anymore. He told his family and a few friends and left for the city only 3 hours after the ceremony ended.

He had hoped that this would fix it all. But his 25-year-old self knew otherwise. He knew a dark life lay ahead, no matter what town was in the background.

And he was right.

NEXT ... CHAPTER ONE - IN THE WRONG PLACE TRYING TO MAKE IT RIGHT... 2 years on. What's Jack up to? No Martha until chapter 2 unfortunately, let's just focus on Jack's problems first. :P

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Great start! :D

Poor Jack! :( He lost everything. I really hope he'll find some happiness again at some point.

But I'm happy Sam will not appear in this fic as she is dead. :ph34r:

I liked the way you compared Jack's feelings when he was 16 and the ones he has now at the age of 25. :)

Please update soon.

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I'm here! I'm here! I'm still a strong and supportive J&M lover! :P *does a crazy dance*

Aw poor Jacky, I loved the prologue. I loved it how you described him when he was 16 and everything was just carefree and easy, and now hes 25 and things have very much changed!

As Barbara said, I'm way over the moon that Sam wont be in the fic at all. I'm very, very happy! :P. Sam's definitely crazy for killing Rory. That's just flippin' crazy.

Anyway I loved the prologue and the intro, and can't wait for the first chapter to be up! :)

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Wow, 3 readers? I'm going to strike while the irons hot! :D (Sorry.. that's the first time I've ever been able to use that phrase. And I loved it.)

Sorry it's got no Martha in. She's in the next chapter but... don't get your hopes up for fluff, folks. It's going to be a while until everything is peachy. :P

CHAPTER ONE – IN THE WRONG PLACE TRYING TO MAKE IT RIGHT

(Song is 'Come Home' by The Republic. *sways*)

TWO YEARS LATER

Jack pulled the plug from the socket as he folded the last soldier of burnt, cold toast into his mouth. With one hand he wrapped the cable around the shiny toaster and with the other he picked up his mug and washed down the dry toast with a mouth full of luke-warm coffee. He winced a little in disgust as he swallowed the strangely minty coffee and poured the rest of it down the sink. His coffee wasn’t supposed to taste minty like some coke was supposed to taste lemony. He was never a fan of these new developments of classic drinks – he couldn’t understand why someone would want to change something that worked in the first place. He thought that the idea of a mint coffee was especially disgusting.

He shoved the toaster back in the cupboard and tried not to think in so much detail. He placed his plate of crumbs in the sink with the mug and various other pieces of cutlery that had accumulated while he’d gotten ready that morning. He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and leant against the worktop. He stood in his uniform, his hat on the table in front waiting for him, and counted down the minutes left until he had to leave. He had a few left, so he stood where he was and bit into his apple, thinking about the case he’d been investigating yesterday.

As he wrapped himself in his thoughts and ideas he didn’t notice the leggy woman who had just strolled in from his bedroom. She had made her way into the kitchen by the time his eyes flicked upwards in response to her cough.

Her hair was golden blonde and wild and tame at the same time. It lay in layers of clumps and spilled over her shoulders to half way down her back. Her skin was softly tanned and her fingers were delicate. Her pretty face still wore the same smokey make-up from last night when he faintly remembered picking her up in a bar, and her lips still held a brush of lipstick that kept them looking so full. He just wished he could remember her name.

“Good morning,” He said, forcing a small smile before biting into his apple.

The girl giggled a little, thumbing the bottom of her new shirt and standing on her tiptoes. He could tell she was waiting for him to comment on the shirt of his that she was wearing. He stayed quiet on that subject however, as he tended not to give people what they wanted anymore.

“I’m going to work in a minute, but if you want to stay and make yourself a drink before you go that’s fine. I’ve got you a mug out and the tea and coffee is in the top cupboard.” Jack said. He didn’t warn her about the minty coffee because he figured if she had it she may leave a little quicker.

The woman, a little put-down at Jack’s refusal to mention her attire, sunk back onto her feet and skulked forward.

“You’re gonna leave me here all alone?” She asked him, a little disappointed.

He nodded, taking another bite from his apple. “Yea, the door’s a dead lock so you needn’t bother about locking up.” He continued.

She sighed, walking forward to meet him. “Can’t you pull a sicky? I’ll take care of you.” She smiled, fluttering her eye-lashes as she tip-toed closer toward him. Her fingers became laced in his collar and the back of his hair as she tried to tempt him. Jack’s posture remained unchanged and he took another bite out of his apple.

“No thanks.” He said with an edge that seemed a little rude.

The woman refused to give up though, and so she moved straight in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Come on Jack, you weren’t this uptight last night.” She said, smiling up at him again. Jack fought hard not to roll his eyes. “What do you think of my shirt?” She asked with a playful smile.

“I think I just ironed it yesterday, and I’m going to have to wash and iron it again.” He said with irritation. Her eyes widened as if he’d just told her he’d run over her dog and she dropped her hands from around his neck.

“What’s crawled up your ass?” She spat out, “Are you regretting last night or something?”

Jack took a bite out of his apple; there were only a few more mouthfuls left.

“I wasn’t until last night carried on to this morning.” He said while chewing; pushing away from the counter and grabbing his hat from the side. He avoided her eye line with a ducked gaze because he didn’t particularly want to catch whatever venomous stare she was giving him at the moment. He knew he was being a jerk but frankly he didn’t care. She was going to make him late and they’d both gotten what they wanted last night. Why did he have to deal with her now?

He got to the door and swung it open.

“Oh, by the way,” He exclaimed as he remembered, turning around. “I know how much stuff I have, and where it is – if anything’s missing I’ll know. I’m also a copper, so it’d be a pretty bad idea.” He told her, biting another chunk out of his apple.

He could see just by the glow on her crimson face that he’d said the wrong thing, but he hadn’t expected her to take it any other way. It wasn’t as if he was going to see her again, anyway. Well he hoped he wouldn’t.

He could hear her breath catch in her throat and literally feel the air around them shaking with her anger. He slid half of his body out the door as he waited for her response.

“Are you… are you implying that I’d steal your stuff?” She asked in disbelief.

Jack sighed; his eyebrow’s rising at her ‘shock and horror’. “Come on… I met you in a bar last night and it didn’t take much persuasion for you to follow me home – did it? I have no idea what kind of person you are, but judging by last night, you’re not the most angelic.” He said.

And with that he watched as she raced forward toward him and her hand blurred high. Her fingers touched the door and swung it shut, very nearly brushing against his nose.

He lowered his gaze to the floor as he smirked, and then with a sudden disinterest, as if he’d forgotten all of the previous occurrences, he lifted his apple to his mouth and took another bite. He wondered what minty apples would taste like.

*****************************************

He’d gotten to work in perfect timing that morning, and had had a pretty relaxing shift like usual. When his colleagues go home at the end of the day they fall to the ground in exhaustion, overwhelmed by the hectic lifestyle of a copper. Jack could understand this because he used to do the same, but ever since he let himself not care so much and held back on all of his enthusiasm he seemed to have much more energy. But it had its disadvantages, as this excess energy left him unable to sleep at night, and gave him ample time to think of things that he didn’t want to.

So sometimes he stayed a little longer, and read into things a little deeper and tried a little more than he wanted to so to burn off a little more of that fuel that kept his thoughts processing. When he was busy, he was happy. Well, he was content at least.

“Jack,” His colleague Lois Craydon spoke from the reception desk, “Davies wants to talk to you about earlier.” She informed him, a little nod and unattractive bulge of her eyes as to indicate what she really meant. Jack however wasn’t getting it.

“What?” He asked, picking his head up from his paperwork and spitting out his words with annoyance.

“Apparently no one else but you understands your work ethic on getting mentally unstable people from the ledge of an 18-story-building. I’d have argued your case for you, but I struggled to defend the part where you told the man that if you were his child you’d hate him too.”

Jack groaned. Nothing seemed to annoy Constable Holden more than protestors or people on top of buildings, and in the city they tended to be common occurrences. At least once a day Jack would be called to deal with some sort of public event that wasn’t really worthy of his time or effort. So he’d let his thoughts and feelings known and as a result had been portrayed as pretty grumpy in the station. But Jack didn’t mind that they found him cynical – they didn’t know that he had little to be happy about.

Jack sighed, placing his pen firmly on his desk and tilting around to face Lois. “The guy was found having sex with his sister-in-law by his wife. They were in the toilets of their 20th wedding anniversary party.” He told her, as if it explained his actions.

Lois shook her head. “He was also stood on top of a very tall building.”

Jack scoffed, “Yea, I know, I was up there with him.” He grunted, “And it was bloody freezing. I don’t get paid enough to play psychiatrist to a nutter in Antarctic weather, so I was going to tell him what I thought.”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. Since she moved to this station 4 months ago she’d learnt that Jack Holden was probably the most uncaring and grumpy man she’d ever come across. She rarely saw him crack a smile – if he did then it would be joined with something sarcastic or added to a smug moment, and he seemed to not give a damn about his job at all. Yet in the way he stood she thought he looked as if he was carrying the world of wars and troubles on his shoulders, and she knew that deep inside of him there was a small, caring bone in his body. She thought that maybe it belonged to a man who had cared once or twice before. Who had the heart of a lion and the touch of an angel. She never voiced these thoughts though, as she didn’t want to get labelled “demented” by the rest of her colleagues who pretty much thought Jack was the spawn of the devil or something equally as dark and twisted.

She snapped out of her thoughts with the click of his pen and cleared her throat as she spoke again.

“He wants to speak with you now, Jack.” She reminded him.

Jack groaned, rolling back from his desk and standing up.

“Don’t touch my desk.” He warned her as he walked off, provoking a little cackle from her as she wondered why he’d even think she’d want to go anywhere near his things. But she knew to just agree with him.

“I I captain.” She smirked.

He looked at her with a furrowed brow as he passed, then shook his head of emotion before he proceeded into Sergeant Davies office. He was instructed to sit down.

NEXT CHAPTER: PEOPLE SHOULD SMILE MORE - Davies talks to Jack about his attitude towards work nowadays. And the station receives a phone call for Jack, from the hospital. Who could it be about? :P

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“What’s crawled up your ass?” She spat out, “Are you regretting last night or something?”

Jack took a bite out of his apple; there were only a few more mouthfuls left.

“I wasn’t until last night carried on to this morning.” He said while chewing; pushing away from the counter and grabbing his hat from the side.

Hahah. Good one Jack :lol:

She sighed, rolling her eyes. Since she moved to this station 4 months ago she’d learnt that Jack Holden was probably the most uncaring and grumpy man she’d ever come across. She rarely saw him crack a smile – if he did then it would be joined with something sarcastic or added to a smug moment, and he seemed to not give a damn about his job at all. Yet in the way he stood she thought he looked as if he was carrying the world of wars and troubles on his shoulders, and she knew that deep inside of him there was a small, caring bone in his body. She thought that maybe it belonged to a man who had cared once or twice before. Who had the heart of a lion and the touch of an angel. She never voiced these thoughts though, as she didn’t want to get labelled “demented” by the rest of her colleagues who pretty much thought Jack was the spawn of the devil or something equally as dark and twisted.

Jack without his cute little smile? What a sad world :(

The thing about the minty apple made me laugh too!

I hope it's Martha in the preview, and your aren't just teasing ^_^

Loved it. Can't wait for more :D

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Haha that was great! I loved it.

I actually love Jack like this, its sexy! :P

“What do you think of my shirt?” She asked with a playful smile.

“I think I just ironed it yesterday, and I’m going to have to wash and iron it again.” He said with irritation. Her eyes widened as if he’d just told her he’d run over her dog and she dropped her hands from around his neck.

Lmao! That's hilarious! I could just imagine him saying that! :P

Hmm, I wonder if its Martha in hospital, it has to be! :D

Anyway, loved it. Update soon :).

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Poor Jack! I can't help to feel bad for him. He changed so much. :( I guess with everything that's happened, it's normal but still... I want him to be happy.

“What do you think of my shirt?” She asked with a playful smile.

“I think I just ironed it yesterday, and I’m going to have to wash and iron it again.” He said with irritation. Her eyes widened as if he’d just told her he’d run over her dog and she dropped her hands from around his neck.

:lol: I hope he won't see that woman again or she might slap him.

The preview sounds interesting. I would say I hope the call is about Martha but if it's a call from the hospital, that doesn't sound good, does it? :unsure:

More please. :D

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