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Pavement Cracks (by Louise_2983) - comments


LAURZY!
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This was beautifully written. I absolutely loved it. I truly love all your angsty oneshots. Hope you do some more Aden and Belle ones like this, one with a happy ending would be okay too.

You will always be there, a faded photograph in the scrapbook of my memory, but having passed the spring of my life, there should be no room left in my being for you to grow. I have to hold my head up high when I walk down the street, to let people love me and to eventually return the favour without being reminded of the pain which love has brought me in the past, in my past, in our past.

I must say though, apart from this paragraph that I quoted, I was having trouble seeing this as Belle. And even in this paragraph it's barely there. Unless this is actually an AU version of Belle. It doesn't feel, to me, like something out of Belle's mind. I feel she would be in alot of pain if he wasn't in her life, but I don't know if she would express it with these words. The phrases and words you used don't feel like they would come from Belle. So when reading it I preferred to just imagine it being just some character(I don't know) talking about the love of their life, not Belle about Aden. Weird, i know, since I love reading about these two and how in love they are with each other.

But nevertheless it was a brilliant piece.

Edited by Jody
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This was beautifully written. I absolutely loved it. I truly love all your angsty oneshots. Hope you do some more Aden and Belle ones like this, one with a happy ending would be okay too.

You will always be there, a faded photograph in the scrapbook of my memory, but having passed the spring of my life, there should be no room left in my being for you to grow. I have to hold my head up high when I walk down the street, to let people love me and to eventually return the favour without being reminded of the pain which love has brought me in the past, in my past, in our past.

I must say though, apart from this paragraph that I quoted, I was having trouble seeing this as Belle. And even in this paragraph it's barely there. Unless this is actually an AU version of Belle. It doesn't feel, to me, like something out of Belle's mind. I feel she would be in alot of pain if he wasn't in her life, but I don't know if she would express it with these words. The phrases and words you used don't feel like they would come from Belle. So when reading it I preferred to just imagine it being just some character(I don't know) talking about the love of their life, not Belle about Aden. Weird, i know, since I love reading about these two and how in love they are with each other.

But nevertheless it was a brilliant piece.

I was trying to go for an AU Belle in that the decision to walk away from him totally changed her and everything else but reading back it may have wandered more into me than even AU Belle lol. I'm still trying to master characterisation in pieces like this, I think I find it much easier with dialogue. Thanks for the feedback. Glad you enjoyed it just as a standalone piece anyway :)

Edited by Louise_2983
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This was beautifully written. I absolutely loved it. I truly love all your angsty oneshots. Hope you do some more Aden and Belle ones like this, one with a happy ending would be okay too.

You will always be there, a faded photograph in the scrapbook of my memory, but having passed the spring of my life, there should be no room left in my being for you to grow. I have to hold my head up high when I walk down the street, to let people love me and to eventually return the favour without being reminded of the pain which love has brought me in the past, in my past, in our past.

I must say though, apart from this paragraph that I quoted, I was having trouble seeing this as Belle. And even in this paragraph it's barely there. Unless this is actually an AU version of Belle. It doesn't feel, to me, like something out of Belle's mind. I feel she would be in alot of pain if he wasn't in her life, but I don't know if she would express it with these words. The phrases and words you used don't feel like they would come from Belle. So when reading it I preferred to just imagine it being just some character(I don't know) talking about the love of their life, not Belle about Aden. Weird, i know, since I love reading about these two and how in love they are with each other.

But nevertheless it was a brilliant piece.

I was trying to go for an AU Belle in that the decision to walk away from him totally changed her and everything else but reading back it may have wandered more into me than even AU Belle lol. I'm still trying to master characterisation in pieces like this, I think I find it much easier with dialogue. Thanks for the feedback. Glad you enjoyed it just as a standalone piece anyway :)

But just so you know I did love the idea of the fic, and the fic as well. Her trying to leave him behind, and how painful it must be for her. It's just the words she used to describe it is what that made it not seem like her. I just don't see her being so poetic, coming up with all these metaphors, and such to describe her feelings. I think she'd still feel the same amount of hurt, just express it with a more simpler thought process.

And as someone who as read chapters from Stockholm Syndrome more times than I can count, i think you write Aden and Belle perfectly in character, most of the time. I'm sure oneshots like this must be alot more difficult to write, but I'm sure it won't take long for you master it.

Edited by Jody
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