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Prettyboy (by Eli) - comments


Adia
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Wow, that was amazing! I could totally picture everything playing out. I like the relationship between Ric and Cindy. I'm glad that she's teaching him a few things as well, he seems so innocent compared with the people that he's around. The drama is great, and I love your style of writing. I'd love to see where you go with this fic :)

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Oooh that was good! As Adia said i could really see it playing out in my head too! Im also really intrigued to find out what happens next and also what happened to the little boy who liked to go to the shops and have dinner with his mum and dad on a friday to where hes at now! Great start Eli! Update soon! :)

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Is it just me or is the standard of the fics on this forum getting higher and higher...? :D

Really great start, Eli!

”I don’t use coke,” she said, ”Too strong if you wanna stay sharp.”

”So what are you doing with it then?” he asked, putting out the half-smoked cigarette.

”Hey! Don’t throw that away!” Cindy said, pointing at the cigarette.

”Smoke isn’t cheap, and this isn’t exactly Wisteria lane.”

He gave her the cigarette back and she put it back in the box.

There are hobos on Queen’s street too, you know. They buy drugs!” she said.

”Yeah, prostitutes,” Dalby replied, ”I think you can defend yourself down there. The worst thing that could ever happen down there would be one of the girls bitchslapping you!”

”Awwhh... Poor Dalby,” Cindy sighed and shook her head, ”So naive... There are pimps down there too you know.”

Dalby swallowed. He hadn’t thought about that.

I loved the conversations and the way Ric is no naive and Cindy so streetwise. And the little touches, like Cindy never dreaming of wasting cigarettes is very realistic.

”You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

He tried not to sound as shocked as he was.

”Maybe,” Cindy replied, shrugging while lighting up the cigarette, ”maybe not...”

Great ending to the chapter. I find Cindy’s character fascinating... :P

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Ooooh fabulous start! I love this relationship between them and Prettyboy was a very wise choice for the name. Looking forward to seeing more of this Cindy Character (and everytime I read Cindy I picture the little blond thing from the Brady Bunch :P)

Edited by jack/martha
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They had just finished one cigarette each, and there was a heavy fog of smoke in their little corner at the stairs.

That was a great line. Creates the scene well.

You wait here and watch our supplies, prettyboy,” Cindy said and got up, ”If you give it away, I’ll kill you.”

Dalby didn’t know whether to take this seriously or not, Cindy always said things like that.

“I can see you have taken good care of the supplies,” Cindy said and sat down, ”good prettyboy!”

She talked to him like he was a puppy that had just gone outside instead of pooping at the carpet.

“I just got us weed and money for coke,” she said, smiling like Dalby had never seen her smile before.

Cindy is a very believable character. I’d love to know much, much more about her. (Actually, she’s so believable that I’m far more interested in Cindy than I am in Ric!) I don’t mean that in a bad way. Cindy is a more realistic creation than H&A’s Eric Dalby.

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Thanks for that review and all the nice words :)

I agree with you that Cindy is more realistic than Ric, and she is very important in this fic as she is very important in Dalby's life.

So there will be more about her, that's all I can tell you :P

I'm trying to update soon, but I'm pretty busy at the moment so I'm just popping in and out of the board at the moment.

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I really like this fic, Eli! Your creation of both Cindy and Ric's characters are really believable. The contrast between Ric's 'perfect' home life to the life on the streets is great. Can't wait to see where the fic goes. :)

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