I love music Posted January 6, 2007 Report Posted January 6, 2007 I feel like I’ve picked out a helluva lot in this fic, but there was a helluva lot to like about it... Peter suddenly felt a wave of sympathy for the people he arrested and interrogated, he now knew how they felt. Great line. Made me smile. He looked around the cold, sterile room. The lime green walls, comfortable sofas and various, assorted pot plants were assumedly somebody’s feeble attempt to make the place seem homely. The effect however was the opposite. It was overbearing, suffocating, as if the walls were closing in around him. People sat on the Doctor’s surgery style sofas, a lurid shade of green, which created the exact opposite ambience to the one he assumed the person responsible had intended. Superb description. I think we’ve all visited places like that! My previous doctor’s surgery was in a converted house with a miserable, stiflingly hot waiting room that always stank of the gas fire... *shudders* Peter hated the City, the noise, the bustle, the smell. He was more of a small-time guy. A small-time cop. Now that sounded like something his mother would say. Again, lines that made me smile. His eyes lighted on the pub across the road. The sign clanking against the wall, like the death tolls on a church clock. The bright lights and obvious warmth that radiated from it. He could almost imagine the heat, the suffocating atmosphere. The smell of ale. So you’ve been in a crowded pub on a cold, rainy day too...? Great image, Kat. “As they go.” She replied, her answer summing up his thoughts. “You?” “As they go.” “Families huh? They’re the ones who screw your life up and they’re also the reason you have to get back on track.” Loved this rapid fire conversation. Reminiscent of TV cop shows. The pavement seemed grayer today for some reason. There was something so dull about pavement and yet even the cold concrete seemed to be having problems. Cracks had opened at strategic points and through the cracks sprouted intoxicating, green weeds, violating the pavement, adding a splash of colour to the dull canvas. Things must have been bad if even the Pavement had complications. I just loved this! It’s fantastic when a writer doesn’t just pick up on the emotions of the characters, but picks up on them so well that the scenery blends in with their thoughts. Brilliant touch of humour with that last line! He looked around the Coffee-house at the whitewashed walls, the plastic bright red stools and chairs, the metallic counter and old fashioned juke-box. The place looked like something from a 1960’s movie, like Grease or something. It was tacky, tasteless, bland. And we’ve all been to cafes like that too! Well pictured. Just one small criticism. Grease is one of my fave movies of all time so I know it was made around 1977/8. It’s always best to check out any facts before posting (I’m forever looking up stuff on Google!) Excellent writing, Kat. Really flowed. Very, very readable. Quote
SfanS Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 I'm going to copy ILM...sort of. “Families huh? They’re the ones who screw your life up and they’re also the reason you have to get back on track.” ^^ That was such an awesome line. I just...ahhh.... “Not thinking of running in front of a car again are you?” he teased. She didn’t flinch but she didn’t turn either. “Would you save me again if I were?” He couldn’t tell if she was joking or serious and he wasn’t at all sure what to reply. Some good, friendly teasing. I could see it all happening too...perhaps we should give the home and away writers a calll....we have a new recruit for you.... He looked around the cold, sterile room. The lime green walls, comfortable sofas and various, assorted pot plants were assumedly somebody’s feeble attempt to make the place seem homely. The effect however was the opposite. It was overbearing, suffocating, as if the walls were closing in around him. Now, me being me, I'd like those comfortable sofas, but that's a really good way to describe how he would feel like that. “I love him, he’s my brother. It’s not his fault my parents preferred him.” “And whose fault is it?” “Mine I guess.” Awwww/ Touching. He doesn't blame Dan for the neglectance and nagging of his parents. Sweet. “Sure, it’ll help wash down the prescription pills,” he retorted dryly, not entirely sure whether he was joking or not. She managed to smile at him. “Now that sounds like a good combination.” LOL!! All in alll....when's the next one, when's the next one!!!??? Great job Kat! Quote
Skykat Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 I don't know Sarah...maybe in about six months? That's about how long it took me to get round to writing this one! It's fine to call me Kat btw, I think I called you Sarah at some point before then realised I wasn't 100% sure if that was your name so I stopped. Thanks to both you and ILM for your comments. I was saying to her on PM before I'm a bit disillusioned at the moment, don't think many people are reading the stuff I write and I was a bit disappointed because I was quite pleased with this. Jade made me push myself when she was proofing it and I thought I'd done a good job on it so thanks to you both for your comments. Appreciated more than you know. Quote
SfanS Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 ^^ LOL. Even if it wasn't my name, I probably would've been going along with iut anyway. Call me anything asnd I'll be fooled into thinking it's my name! 6 months! *gasps* *Brings out pestering personality* Hey Ka-at... Quote
swfc Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 Wow, Kat, that was powerful. Well, it felt that way to me, anyway. I didn't get round to reading 'The Meeting' yet but judging by this, I think it'll be just as fantastic as this one. I love your writing style. It flowed so well. The fic kinda really makes you think. Which is a very good thing in my humble opinion. I'm willing to wait 6 months for fics as good as this one. Quote
-Jade- Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 (edited) Ok, I needed to come in here and say how much, after you had re- written it, that I loved it. Working into it seriously made all the difference, and now when I read it through, I get totally taken up into the relationship. Your description was seriously fantastic and creative. And you really really do write the relationship between Kit and Peter so well. Like SfanS, I could see it all happening, it was so realistic. I think it's great that you've created a new pairing. Great, great piece. Edited January 7, 2007 by jackandmartha!!! Quote
carmelle Posted January 7, 2007 Report Posted January 7, 2007 I loved every word of it. It was written very well. and it really does make you think There's so much that just stood out in your fic, and if i was gona copy and paste i would be here all day, cause i wouldn't know where to start. But this part made me laugh... "They had reached the American style Coffee-house and Peter felt relief. He was analysing pavements now, that was just seriously-lock-up-in-a-padded-room stuff. Obviously he was going mentally insane. He held open the door for her and was rewarded with silence. She barely even looked at him and he didn’t speak either, save to order two coffees from the waitress." Well done, hope you do continue with this, even if it is six months from now. Quote
Skykat Posted January 11, 2007 Report Posted January 11, 2007 (edited) Thanks to everyone for their comments. no promises on the next one though, sorry. Edited January 11, 2007 by Skykat Quote
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