These Nightmares

[kaciexox]

i love the relationship between Flynn and Ric that i can see forming...

i hope Cas and Sally learn to get along

as always i loved it .......

please update soon

[kase]

Great update Kat and Jess! I love the Ric/Flynn relationship forming. You can just tell Ric is trying so hard to hide how awesome he thinks Flynn is. I'm loving this Ric and Flynn friendship blooming while Cassie and Sally are failing miserably. Sally is just so layered with her own experience as a foster kid, wanting to be just as good as Pippa, and being so insecure about her ability to be a good mother is enthralling. I could really imagine Sally being that way, even though she is an awesome mum on tv. Well done guys! As always, eagerly waiting for more

[sevenpuddings]

Aww thanks guy! I'm so glad Kat&I at least have two readers.

Hopefully we'll have more updates soon. This one is surprisingly easy to write... although that might just be because angsty!Cassie is the BEST

[I love music]

Aww thanks guy! I'm so glad Kat&I at least have two readers.

Hopefully we'll have more updates soon. This one is surprisingly easy to write... although that might just be because angsty!Cassie is the BEST

Nope, I'm still reading too but I have several cracked ceilings in the flat (won't go into detail again, anyone who's interested can check out my post somewhere in Have a Moan thread) and cleaning up, checking out for more leaks and that the roof isn't about to collapse (not joking either, guys! ) is taking up a great deal of my time.

Sorry haven't much time for reviews but rest assured this is a great fic!

[sevenpuddings]

Aww, I hope everything is getting better for you ILM. I can imagine that wouldn't be a fun situation at all to be in!!

This chapter is a long one guys!! I really hope everyone enjoys it!

-

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

“Hold still darl,” She mumbled with pins between her teeth. “This will all be over in a few seconds.”

“A few seconds too long,” Cassie muttered, earning a sharp glare from Sally, who was sitting cross-legged on the couch next to Flynn. She noted Ric standing in the doorway, eyeing up the two plies of fresh books that were sitting on the kitchen table.

“There you go, good as new,” Irene said happily, as she forced Cassie to spin for everyone.

Cassie could only roll her eyes and pretend to be interested as the blue and purple sack hung from her small body. “I look like a clown,” She groaned finally, stepping down from the stool and rolling her eyes at Ric.

“Nonsense,” Sally commented, Cassie assumed in what she believed to be a bright tone, while Flynn nodded his head encouragingly. Still, Ric remained silent in the shadows, only serving to annoy Cassie further. “Whatever,” She threw out offhandedly, “can I just change please? I’m tired, and need to get a good rest if I’m going to start school tomorrow,” She threw out sarcastically, watching as Sally sighed and nodded.

“Sleep well Cassie,” Flynn’s deep voice boomed, and she shuddered a little before turning to face them all.

“Yeah, you too,” She said curtly, before adding, “Ric, you must be exhausted too. Maybe its time you went to bed as well,” She bit her lip and threw him a glare, as his shoulders slumped forwards in defeat. Placing the book he had handled carefully down on the table, he turned to face his foster parents.

“Goodnight guys. Thanks for today, and for everything” He said, hoping to make up just a little for his best friend’s behaviour. He was rewarded with a huge grin from Flynn. “Any time mate, and just remember, you and I have surfing lessons starting tomorrow,” He said happily, and Ric couldn’t help but smile back as he walked across the room.

“Goodnight guys,” Flynn called out as Ric followed Cassie up the stairs, not surprised when she shoved him roughly into her room.

-

-

“Come on,” She thrust open the doors to her wardrobe and began pulling out her few belongings. “We’ve got to go,” Hastily she threw several shirts and jackets onto the bed, as Ric leant back against the door, his head spinning, Flynn’s words echoing though his mind.

And just remember, you and I have surfing lessons starting tomorrow.

He couldn’t quite believe just how well they’d fallen on their feet, to land right smack bang in the middle of the best family they’d ever had. Yet Cassie still had this problem, a thorn in her side when it came to the Saunders. Normally he would have run with her, but this time he was putting his foot down.

“No Cass,” He barked at her, his voice so deep that she turned to look at him, surprised. “We’re not ditching this place. I’m not going to let you throw away the future the Saunders can offer you,” He snapped, her eyes turning into slits as she glowered at him. “Can’t you see how good we’ve got it here? How many people would have offered to buy us surfing lessons?” Ric asked, as Cassie’s face clouded over.

“Offer to buy you surfing lessons, you mean? I have nothing. And so help me god if that wench offers to put me into dance classes or team sport I’ll strangle her myself,” Cassie said hotly, standing up and walking towards Ric. “How can you not see that they are determined to drive us apart?” She asked him, her eyes suddenly wide with fear. “They want us to do this Ric. Docs have always wanted to separate us and now they are using the Saunders to break us up, and I won’t let it!” She screamed in his face, her bawled fists hitting his chest over and over. “I will not let them take you away from me,”

Closing his eyes, Ric breathed in and out evenly as he felt hurricane Cassie attack. It was rare, but he’d seen this side of her before. The tantrums, the screaming, the spite, it was all connected with her fear. A fear that, subconsciously, she was not strong enough to deal with yet. He felt her punches weaken as he pulled her against him, enveloping her frail body in his strong, well built arms. Wet tears trickled down her cheeks and fell, damp, moist, against his neck, and her body began to shudder in his arms.

Picking her up gently, he carried her towards the bed, with clothing strewn everywhere, and placed her sobbing form down, before collecting the few items of clothing Cassie actually owned and throwing them in a pile at the end of the bed. When he looked up, her head was face down in the pillow; her body huddled in a tight ball. Sighing, he sat down on the edge of the large bed and stroked her back, as he’d seen many women do over the years in an attempt to stop the tears. Only their hands had never worked, it was always his touch she craved.

Slowly, the tears subsided and what remained were small sniffles every now and then. Eventually he felt her gaze on his, and he looked down to meet her red, puffy eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you,” She cried hoarsely, as she uncurled her body, shifting over. Smiling a little, Ric lay down, his body facing hers, his hand reaching up to wipe away stray tears. “Didn’t we already go through all this once today?” He asked, as she smiled a little. “I’m here to bug you forever,” He continued, as she shook her head. “You don’t bug me Ric,” She sighed softly, “You save me. Stay with me, just for tonight?” She asked, as she yawned, and snuggled in closer to him.

Sighing deeply, Ric contemplated saying no, not wanting to disappoint either Flynn or Sally. However considering what might occur if he decided to ignore Cassie’s wishes, he believed it would be best just for tonight, to stay with Cassie, hoping that tomorrow she’d realise this place really wasn’t so bad, and that maybe she could give Sally and Flynn a second chance. Kicking his shoes off as he pulled Cassie in closer to him, Ric smiled, as he fell deeply into dreams of surfing laced with a hint of happily ever after.

-

“Ric!” Someone shouted, as he bolted upright, his right arm dead from the weight of Cassie’s body. “What are you doing in here?” Her voice was high pitched and shocked, as if she’d found him with an unknown girl instead of the one he’d grown up with. Rubbing her eyes, Cassie sat up next to Ric, moaning, “He was sleeping, as was I. God, can’t you give it a rest?”

Sally stood back, more than a little shocked, before she glared at Cassie. “That’s enough out of you missy! You continue with that tone and you’ll be grounded before you know it.”

“Fine,” Cassie growled as she lay back down. “Its not like there’s anything to do in this hell hole anyhow.”

Bewildered, Sally looked between Ric and Cassie as Flynn came to stand behind her. “Ric,” He said deeply, a frown forming on his face. Standing up, his shoulders dropping instantly as he scuffled towards the doorway. “Cassie,” Flynn barked at Cassie’s form, as she groaned and pushed herself up. “What?” She snapped at him. His eyes met her, now dark and angry. “Downstairs,” He said sharply, not waiting for her reply as he marched Ric downstairs.

Yawning, she rolled her eyes as she found the three of them waiting in the living room. “This couldn’t have waited till morning?” She quipped as she fell down into the couch next to Ric, examining her nails.

“No, Cassie,” Flynn fumed as he paced in front of Ric and Cassie, “This could not wait until morning.” Pausing, he looked towards Sally, who was fiddling with her hands in her lap, looking towards the ground. Sighing, he ran a hand through his shaggy blonde hair, before sitting down next to his wife and taking her hands in his own.

“I don’t see what your problem is, Docs must have told you Ric and I stay together, that we’re not to be separated. You knew this’d happen so there’s no point even trying to split us up,” Cassie accused venomously, glaring from Sally to Flynn and then back to Sally, who nervously looked away, avoiding eye contact.

“Cassie,” Flynn began, “we have no intention of splitting you up. You’re right, we were told that you came together and we were happy with that. Happy to take both of you, we wanted both of you but there’s a line. I understand you’ve slept in the same bed in the past but you’re fourteen now and Ric’s fifteen. You’re no longer children,” Flynn attempted to explain.

“Some of us never really were children,” Cassie spat and saw a strange look cross Sally’s face. Sympathy, pity, or a mixture of both, she couldn’t tell. Whatever that expression was, Cassie didn’t need it, who the hell was she to pity Cassie? She knew nothing about her, she was nobody. “Don’t look at me like that,” She threatened, finally. Ric, sensing hurricane Cassie was just about to roll in, decided to intervene.

“I’m sorry Flynn, about Cass and I sharing a bed, it’s just something that we always did, from when we were young, it’s habit I guess.” Cassie was horrified to hear Ric trying to justify their sharing a bed to them. And, much less, passing it up as simply a habit, when they both know it was so much more.

“That’s fair enough Ric but you must understand that things are different now? You’re both growing up, you’re changing, it’s not right for a girl and boy of your age to be sharing a bed. For a start you both need your own space and independence, then there’s the fact that pretty soon you’ll be wanting girlfriends or boyfriends and it’s not exactly going to be easy explaining to them that you two still sleep in the same bed.” Flynn appealed, as Ric sighed deeply, an image of a certain, attractive, friendly blonde passing through his mind.

“I guess I can understand that,” Ric conceded. Next to him he felt Cassie stiffen and he knew instantly that he’d said the wrong thing and that she was not going to give in so easily.

“Oh you do, do you?” She stood up, glaring furiously at him, “I thought you liked sharing a bed with me? That was our thing, the thing that they could never take away from us, I thought…” The ferocity of her attack took Ric completely by surprise and he found himself looking to Flynn for support but it was Sally who spoke up.

“Come on Cassie, do you really want a guy sharing your bed with you of a night? You must realise that having a bloke sleep over gives off the wrong impression.” Whether it was meant as a joke, an attempt at appeasement, or a shot thrown in anger, from the minute the words left her lips, it felt to Ric as if a deathly hush fell in the air and it took only seconds for Cassie to react.

“Just what exactly are you trying to say?” Cassie’s voice was strangely calm and even but Ric recognised the quiet before the storm. “I don’t think Sally meant it in a bad way,” he attempted, looking to Sally for back up, “did you?”

“No of course not…” Sally began but Cassie cut her off. “No, you just think I’m some big slag who has guys crawling into her bed every night, well maybe I am, maybe that’s exactly the sort of girl I am, but how the hell would you know?!” She screamed furiously, her bottom lip shaking, tears of anger, playing in the corner of her eyes. “You don’t ever know me! And you,” she turned to Ric, “from now on you can sleep with whatever little slag you want to, you can have all the independence you like because I don’t want to anywhere near me!” Bursting into furious sobs, Cassie raced upstairs.

Ric looked at a shamefaced Sally and then at Flynn. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” Sally began, her face ashen, her hands shaking, her eyes beseeching him for forgiveness, begging him. She looked so delicate and lost that Ric felt a strange sympathy towards her. “It’s okay,” he managed, and then turned to Flynn.

“For the record I did understand what you meant and I’m sorry I disappointed you. I don’t think you have to worry about us sharing a bed from now on.” Without waiting for an answer, he turned and headed upstairs after Cassie.

-

-

Cassie tore her eyes from the lock on the door and turned to look around the bathroom. It was relatively small, but the warm brown paint gave it a homely feel. The bathtub was tinged brown with wear, but Cassie couldn’t help but cast her mind over the many children who had been bathed by their parents in that very tub. All the children who had felt loving hands gently washing away the shampoo from their hair, the knots combed out patiently. She couldn’t help but think of the many hugs this bathroom, old, decaying, had seen. How many tears, she considered, as she turned to look at herself directly in the mirror.

Her eyes remained bloodshot, her eyelids pink and puffy, her cheeks stained by the tears that had fallen on and off all night. “Sally was right,” She muttered as she looked at herself, her body inching closer to the mirror. “What would they think of you?” She spat at herself, puffy eyes forming slits as she glared at herself. “They’d think what they always thought,” She continued, as something glimmered in the corner of her eye. “That you brought it on yourself. That you deserved it. What he did to you, you asked for it.”

The venom in her voice pierced her soul, as her eyes darted down, catching the shimmering reflection as it danced across her skin. Picking up the blade carefully, her eyes slid down the sharp edge as it captivated her thoughts, wondering whether the pain would stop if she hurt herself more than she had. Holding the blade closer to her face, she pressed a finger against the tip, as she felt it push deeply into layers of skin, red droplets of blood forming thickly around the blade as it sliced her finger tip slowly. Biting down on her lip, she soon felt the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, as she realised she’d bitten through her lip too.

Shaking herself, she threw the razor out of her hands as if it had burned her skin, and quickly stuffed her finger into her mouth, drawing more blood from the cut as she fumbled around the cupboard, searching for gauze, for bandaids, for something that would cover the cut but not stop the throbbing pain. The pain that was constantly reminding her of who she was, and who should would always be.

-

-

The bathroom door was locked and despite several attempts Cassie failed to respond or answer him. Leaning his back against the wall, Ric sighed defeated. Where had it all gone so wrong?

In his mind’s eye he could see the spirited happy girl dancing in front of him, describing this perfect family, these wonderful people who would love them instantly. On that day in the park Ric had thought she was dreaming, he had smiled indulgently and laughed along with her imaginings, never believing that her fairytale family existed. The Saunders though, despite the fact that maybe they weren’t perfect but they came damned near close in Ric’s eyes, or at least Flynn did. What they did offer though was the warmth and security that he and Cassie had always craved, the vision he had never dreamed possible, to be part of a family, to be wanted.

A surge of disappointment flooded through his body, disappointment that for some reason Cassie just wasn’t seeing things the way he was. That she couldn’t see the opportunity they had with these people, that she wasn’t willing to give them a chance and now one stupid comment might have ruined everything. Disappointment too in himself, that somehow he’d failed, he’d betrayed Flynn’s faith in him. The Surfing lessons, the understanding, the look in Flynn’s eyes as he caught Ric in bed with Cassie, it was as if Ric had thrown everything back in his face. And Ric so hadn’t meant to.

And now, thanks to Ric not thinking things through, thanks to Cassie’s dumb attitude and one stupid, crass comment; he was going to lose everything he had dreamed of for so long.

Through the bathroom door he could hear soft sobs and he tried once more to call out to her but received no response. Downstairs though something else caught his attention. What had sounded like a discussion, had become heated and the voices rumbled away, the anger getting louder, the words still inaudible but the volume raised and the message clear. Flynn was furious with Sally for her comment to Cassie and he was refusing to listen to her protests.

Ric felt a familiar fury erupt from deep inside him. Childhood memories flashed through his mind. Of arguments, his Dad shouting, his mother screaming, the fists, the blows, the blood and tears. Before he knew what he was doing Ric was racing down the stairs and burst furiously into the front room, “Leave her alone!”

Flynn looked up at him surprised, his arms wrapped around Sally, her face turned too, shocked, surprised, her eyes puffy and red with tears but her body pressed closely against his, where she had been sobbing against his shoulder.

As he looked at them, so secure in each other’s arms, Ric felt all his anger drain from him. The wave that had crashed inside his body drifted back out to sea and he let out a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, turning away.

“Ric it’s okay, maybe you and I should have a talk?” Flynn suggested and Ric nodded mutely, unable to speak. Flynn turned to Sally and kissed her softly. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too and I’m sorry for shouting, things will be okay, you’ll see.” He kissed her again and she looked at him with such a look of adoration that it almost took Ric’s breath away. With a small, guilty smile she bid Ric goodnight and headed upstairs.

“Sit down Ric,” Flynn urged, taking pulling out a seat at the table and gesturing for Ric to join him as he sat down. Barely able to look Flynn in the eyes, Ric pulled up a seat and sat opposite him, unable to meet his eyes, instead he watched his own hands. They shook uncontrollably, almost as if they had taken on a life of their own.

“What you said before Ric,” Flynn began, shaking Ric out of his inner turmoil and bringing him back to the present. “About disappointing me, I just want you to know that you didn’t. I’ll admit I was shocked when I saw you in bed with Cassie and maybe Sally and I haven’t handled things very well but we’re new to all this. You’ll have to bear with us I’m afraid.”

“You mean you’re not sending us away?” Ric finally looked up at Flynn, bewildered, shocked. The knot in his stomach seemed to release of it’s own accord as Flynn shook his head gently. “Of course not, we’re family. I told you that before, we don’t give up on each other,” he explained.

“Even Cassie?” Ric had to know, “because she’s really not that bad, she’s just been through so much,” Ric tried to explain. “I know,” Flynn nodded, “and of course she’s staying too. Sally didn’t mean what she said to come out the way it did; she’s just finding it difficult. She’s had it tough too.” It was Ric’s turn to nod as Flynn defended his wife.

“I’m sorry, for thinking you’d hit her,” he managed, once again unable to look at Flynn. “You’re not like him and I respect you so much, I really don’t want to disappoint you, like I did him.” It was out before he even knew he’d said it and Ric instantly clammed up. He’d said too much, given too much away. He curled his fist into a ball, feeling his knuckles click with the pressure.

“Thank you.” It was spoken quietly, almost from nowhere and Ric looked up, surprised. “Thank you,” he repeated. “It means a lot to me what you just said and I’m sorry I raised my voice, I was angry but I love Sally and I’d never hurt her, or you and Cassie. You can trust me on that,” Flynn assured him. Ric nodded, mute, unable to speak.

Flynn stood up. “It’s been a long day and tomorrow will be even longer, what with starting school and surfing. You do still want to go don’t you?” Ric nodded, unable to put into words just how much he wanted it. “That’s great. Shall we try and get some sleep then and forget all this ever happened?”

Ric’s throat felt dry, as if somebody had put cotton wool or tissue or something in there, something that was stopping him being able to speak. The words caught in his throat and he felt she strange sensation of liquid in the corners of his eyes. “Thanks,” he managed to cough.

“You’re welcome.”

-

-

The bandage had helped clot the blood, the pain had subsided and a good lashing of water had wiped the tears away. Cassie’s mask was firmly back in place as she unlocked the bathroom door and ran straight into her.

“Cassie I...” she began but Cassie just looked at her, glaring and she felt as if she was watching Sally wither before her eyes. She straightened her shoulders and looked Cassie square in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” She reached out to touch Cassie’s wrist but it was automatically jerked away as Cassie turned on her heel and stormed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

[kase]

Wow. Talk about an intense chapter! (And yes, a long one is always an extra treat!)

I don't know how you two do it, having that ability to just write inside the characters so well but I'm not complaining! That was amazing amazing writing! Especially of Cassie, the poor thing...she's sinking into dangerous territory. You wrote it all so well!!

Closing his eyes, Ric breathed in and out evenly as he felt hurricane Cassie attack. It was rare, but he’d seen this side of her before. The tantrums, the screaming, the spite, it was all connected with her fear. A fear that, subconsciously, she was not strong enough to deal with yet. He felt her punches weaken as he pulled her against him, enveloping her frail body in his strong, well built arms. Wet tears trickled down her cheeks and fell, damp, moist, against his neck, and her body began to shudder in his arms.

What a powerful passage. That image was just heartbreaking. What Cassie has and is still going through seems so unbearable. And Ric, how I love Ric, he just understands her so well. They both just have such an intensity between them its sometimes hard to bear. How will Cassie ever deal with anything that will go on between Ric and Matilda?

The venom in her voice pierced her soul, as her eyes darted down, catching the shimmering reflection as it danced across her skin. Picking up the blade carefully, her eyes slid down the sharp edge as it captivated her thoughts, wondering whether the pain would stop if she hurt herself more than she had.

Even though you had me cringing in dread, that passage was beautifully (maybe not the best word describing anything related to self-harm) written.

I loved everything about this chapter. But most of all your characterisation. It is such brilliant. You should both be so proud of your writing. I'm really looking forward to seeing more of Sally. There's so much worry and misunderstanding yet strictness about her. I can see more though, and I'm really curious to see what it is! Great job guys, keep it up!

[sevenpuddings]

Even though you had me cringing in dread, that passage was beautifully (maybe not the best word describing anything related to self-harm) written.

Hauntingly? I know what you mean, its a bind as to how to describe something like that the right way!!

But I'm so glad you liked it. Our solitary reviewer. Although I hope everything is going okay for you ILM!!

More soon... I hope.

[I love music]

Even though you had me cringing in dread, that passage was beautifully (maybe not the best word describing anything related to self-harm) written.

Hauntingly? I know what you mean, its a bind as to how to describe something like that the right way!!

But I'm so glad you liked it. Our solitary reviewer. Although I hope everything is going okay for you ILM!!

More soon... I hope.

Um...no, unfortunately, they're far worse, which is why I haven't been able to get online very much at all. The leaking etc got so bad I've had all the furniture moved into the living room and for safety reasons the power has had to be cut off in the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom - because of the continous leaking there was water dripping down from the lightbulb in the bathroom and it was making a fizzing noise. Anyway, I'm now staying over at my sister's indefinitely but she has two kids and two cats so it's v.squashed. Work has been understanding tho and I'm going to get legal advice next week. Also I still have power in living room so can pop back here occasionally to use PC etc. I'm hoping to get some writing done today while I'm here.

Anyway, have only just read your new chapter. As usual, you haven't disappointed, you really have got into the characters' heads and Cassie, with her self harm, is behaving exactly how I would imagine her to, after the terrible ordeal she went through in childhood.

It's really ironic that everyone expected Ric to be the problem and yet he's settling down and Cassie is the one with the issues and a very clever twist to your story.

Cassie tore her eyes from the lock on the door and turned to look around the bathroom. It was relatively small, but the warm brown paint gave it a homely feel. The bathtub was tinged brown with wear, but Cassie couldn’t help but cast her mind over the many children who had been bathed by their parents in that very tub. All the children who had felt loving hands gently washing away the shampoo from their hair, the knots combed out patiently. She couldn’t help but think of the many hugs this bathroom, old, decaying, had seen. How many tears, she considered, as she turned to look at herself directly in the mirror.

Her eyes remained bloodshot, her eyelids pink and puffy, her cheeks stained by the tears that had fallen on and off all night. “Sally was right,” She muttered as she looked at herself, her body inching closer to the mirror. “What would they think of you?” She spat at herself, puffy eyes forming slits as she glared at herself. “They’d think what they always thought,” She continued, as something glimmered in the corner of her eye. “That you brought it on yourself. That you deserved it. What he did to you, you asked for it.”

I had to pick out this passage, it's particularly good and gets into the very depths of Cassie's soul.

There are moments in reading when you are transported out of a story and into the actual place and that is definitely one of them. I also like the way you are drawing Sally, picking up on her inability, almost fear, of letting herself completely reach out to Cassie in the way that she longs to. Oh, and interesting to note we have the orginal Flynn with his "shaggy blond hair" - suspect one or both you didn't fancy the new Flynn then...?

[kase]

Even though you had me cringing in dread, that passage was beautifully (maybe not the best word describing anything related to self-harm) written.

Hauntingly? I know what you mean, its a bind as to how to describe something like that the right way!!

But I'm so glad you liked it. Our solitary reviewer. Although I hope everything is going okay for you ILM!!

More soon... I hope.

Aw Jess, if only more people knew how fantastic this story is and how great your writing is. I'm sure you have more readers that just don't review.

You poor thing ILM, I hope things get better too and you get back to your own place soon. That must've been a nightmare to put up with!!

[kiwi_151]

Hey guys! As usual an amazing update! Both of you are extremely talented writers, you should be really proud of yourselves.

I really felt Cassie's hate towards herself and Sally and I actually could visualise the scene in the bathroom. You describe Cassie so beautifully (I know it's the wrong word to use as someone else has already mentioned above).

So anyway please update asap.

Also, I am sure you do have many readers, but like me they are too lazy to comment!