I love music Posted February 7, 2007 Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 Sally even walks like she’s got a pole stuck up her ass, Cassie mused Sally was stunned into silence as she looked at the door. She took a few deep breaths before she turned to see Flynn and Ric standing awkwardly at the top of the stairs. He shut his door gently behind him and leaned against it, just long enough to hear sniffles coming from outside, muffled by what he could only guess was Flynn’s body. Really felt for poor Sally! “So are you hungry then?” Mrs Weston had looked at them both with such an eager expression that Ric had been unable to contain his giggles and had reacted angrily when Cassie dug him sharply in the ribs Now that part really threw me because I couldn’t figure out how Mrs Weston suddenly appeared in a scene with Cassie, Ric, Sally and Flynn! It’s always best to put memories in italics, to make it clear to the reader. Also, nothing wrong with the memory scene itself, but it might have been more effective to have used a poignant memory here - maybe Ric could have recalled Cassie wiping away hidden tears on another occasion when they’d met foster parents. It would have tied in better. ...shrew faced woman in the appalling floral dress And I think we all know who that was! the ground beneath his feet had changed, the sand strewn, worn gravel path had given way to a bed of soft golden grains of sand that glistened and caught the light of a strong bright sun sitting proudly in a silken blue sky, reflecting light and warmth onto the vast expanse of beach. Beyond the sand, balls of white, frothy foam rolled their way towards him, crashing suddenly onto the sand and then dissolving as if they had never existed. Stunning description! A loose tendril of hair had escaped from its band and had fallen over her face and Ric felt a sudden urge to loosen the band and free the rest of her hair, just to see it fall, soft and thick down her back. Awww! Looks like Cassie’s got competition tho... Great chapter. Flynn’s character is captured perfectly and I’m really intrigued that Sally’s finding it tough going as a foster mother. Mind you, given all the tragedy that she’s been through, it’s probably much more realistic than her being perfect. Absolutely fantastic writing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skykat Posted February 7, 2007 Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 Oops that was me with the memory bit ILM, guess you can tell I'm not used to throwing them in. Point noted though, I edited the memory to put it in italics and I'll try and make it more poignant next time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted February 7, 2007 Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 Oops that was me with the memory bit ILM, guess you can tell I'm not used to throwing them in. Point noted though, I edited the memory to put it in italics and I'll try and make it more poignant next time! Only if it suits the scene, Kat! If something funny/pleasant was happening in your fic it would make more sense to make the memory flashback light-hearted/amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritishFan Posted February 7, 2007 Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 I have just read this fic...and I think it is amazing how you capture all of Ric and cassie's feelings. Well done to the both of you for starting to write this fic...I hope you keep up with it...as it will be really interesting to see how all the characters develop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kase Posted February 8, 2007 Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 Wow, you sure know how to throw in a twist! I did not expect Cassie to act that way at all. Completely waiting for Ric to mess up actually. So it was refreshing. I really wonder what is up with Cassie! Can’t wait until the next chapter to find out. Ric had glared at her as she had agreed on ham and watched with mounting unease as Mrs Weston had bestowed on Cassie the loving sort of affectionate look that Ric didn’t remember ever seeing directed at him. Hmmm this memory was a bit abstract. But I can see a hint of what Cassie could be feeling, with Ric ‘sucking’ up to Sally Flynn. I suppose Ric may be realising it too? That’s what I felt from the memory anyway, Ric recalling the numerous times of eager foster parents trying to please Cassie. I agree with ILM, poor Sally! Cassie was so awful to her. A lot more so than Flynn. Sally’s reaction to this was a bit hard to read, poor Sally *hugs Sally* But I get the feeling there is more to it than just not being accepted by Cassie. Flynn at least is having a go, Sally’s confidence has completely fled. I look forward to seeing how she builds her relationship with Cassie and Ric. The description that ILM also noted about Ric’s first impression to the beach was fantastic. Really could feel the impact it had on him. You can really sense his positivity towards staying in the bay I think. And finally, Matilda! Ohhh, I was expecting a Ric/Cassie romance but now I can see fireworks ahead. I suppose the innocence of Ric and Cassie’s intimacy is highlighted by them being that way at 7 and 8. While they may only see each other as brother/sister, (or perhaps more later on in the story), I can’t see Cassie being happy with another girl on the scene whether or not there is anything romantic between Cass and Ric at all. You’re setting up the story so well!! I can’t wait, well done Kat and Jess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted February 8, 2007 Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 Oops that was me with the memory bit ILM, guess you can tell I'm not used to throwing them in. Point noted though, I edited the memory to put it in italics and I'll try and make it more poignant next time! Only if it suits the scene, Kat! If something funny/pleasant was happening in your fic it would make more sense to make the memory flashback light-hearted/amusing. Oops, sorry, Kat and Jess! I shouldn't post late (I get up at six weekdays so 10.30 is late for me on a weekday! ) Sometimes it IS okay to do a complete contrast as a memory flashback, to make it more ironic. It's just that, in this case, it would have been more fitting for Ric's memory to have been a poignant one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaciexox Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 I'm really loving this fic and am hoping you will continue! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roccoluver Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 This an awesome story, I just read all of it tonight and was blown away by the quailty of the work, this is great you have to update soon. Sally is puzzling me though, why is acting so unSally like? This is awesome (repeating myself). You should put Rocco in it to , who said that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sevenpuddings Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 Sally... well, she'll be explained... eventually. I'd like to apologise on behalf of myself and Skykat - although more me, because she's at least been fixing up the Fan Fiction part of the forum (and hasn't she done an amazing job! *claps*) - aherm, anyways, due to unforseen circumstances (like my inability to cope with both the internet and University) and the fact Kat has a life (and a job!) we're putting These Nightmares on hiatus, for now. But I do promise we have every intention of finishing this story! Thank you all for understanding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roccoluver Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 Yay, you guys have forgotten about this awesome fic I understand completely (incase that din't come across at first) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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