Hope, Peace, Love.

[Red Ranger 1]

Glad that Tony's getting a chance to see Taylor and is going to be a part of her life.Martha's outburst had me smiling.Silly Tony, forgetting the appointment, that's just going to make things harder for Rachel.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Deleted.

[charmed60]

Oh wow Kirsty! You made me laugh and broke my heart all at the same time in that update

The first scene just showed how manipulative Jazz really is. I couldn't believe how openly she criticised and was rude about Rachel; honestly who does she think she is? Glad Tony defended her although I feel like he's going to be in the middle of all of this; making sure Rachel's not spoken badly of and trying to get her involved whilst also battling against Jazz and making sure he keeps his relationship good with her for the sake of his daughter. You wrote the scene where he saw Taylor's picture for the first time really well. I was a bit worried when I saw that Jazz actually likes Tony being this defiant with her and also the money issue; I wonder if this will cause any problems between Rachel and Tony seeing as his money is hers to and I'm sure this specialist will be expensive.

The Jack/Martha scene was beautiful and I couldn't help but laugh at Jack's reaction to the washing machine incident despite Martha's obvious distressed state. I can understand why she's feeling guilty but she shouldn't; having a baby is such an emotional time and she should be allowed to express how she feels without worrying about offending Rachel. I liked Martha's little insight to what Rachel's really like; the fact that she's not really that strong she just hides it well and tries to cope with it herself. Shows how good a friend Martha really is and I hope she involves Rachel and they help each other through their respective problems.

That last bit was lovely at first; seeing Rachel happy and Tony relieved to see her happy and just their playful banter. But the last bit was so heartbreakingly sad. I understand why Tony forgot; it's easy to forget things like that but the fact that he chose to see Taylor over the appointment mainly because he was afraid of how Jazz would react is something that really worries me for his relationship with Rachel. If he's choosing Jazz/Taylor over Rachel already then things are only going to get worse. This baby issue is, like Rachel said, something that affects them both and they should be supporting each other in it; Tony can see Taylor any other time but it's not as easy to rearrange an appointment.

‘No Rach I really want to be there. It’s important to me you have to believe that. But Taylor has waited so long and you know what Jazz is like. She’s ready to flip and if that happens then God knows where we’ll end up.’

‘It’s fine,’ Rachel shrugged and once again turned away from him, hoping he wouldn’t see the tears that were beginning to fall.

This bit just broke my heart He wonder's where they'll end up if Jazz flips out but what about if Rachel flips out? Where will he end up then? I so hope Leah can go and she doesn't have to go on her own; she's already emotionally unstable when it comes to the baby issue. I really hope Tony realises where his priorities should be lying - the cracks and difficulties in this situation are already starting to show.

Please update soon

[KirstyEkua]

Sorry im so crappy at updating. No excuses But thank you again for all your lovely comments, as always it means a lot

‘Breakfast?’ Belle asked as Aden sauntered into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from his eyes and yawning loudly. He shrugged and opened the breadbin noisily. ‘Oh great, the silent treatment again.’ Belle rolled her eyes and banged down her mug of coffee in frustration. It had been a few days since she’s dropped the London bombshell and Aden had barely said two words to her since. He was acting like the whole thing was some sort of joke. It infuriated her. His inability to take it seriously almost made her want to end their relationship and just go without him. But there was always something stopping her from actually following it through. She loved him.

‘I don’t know what you want me to say Belle. You tell me you’re going to London. Do you want me to jump for joy?’ He plonked himself down at the table armed with a plate of toast. ‘It’s not exactly what a guy wants to hear about his girlfriend, that she’s going to the other side of world for work and didn’t even think to discuss it with him first.’

‘Aden that’s not fair.’ Belle tried to remain calm. ‘This is such an amazing opportunity. I’d be a fool to turn it down. And I want you to come with me,’ she pointed out. ‘More than anything.’

‘And what exactly am I going to do in London? I want to say here. I have Uni all lined up.’

‘You could transfer,’ Belle suggested tentatively. She sipped her coffee and gazed down at the table cloth. ‘Or defer a year.’

‘Somehow I don’t think they let first year students do that. And as for that tuition fees’ I’ll just call the bank and get them to give them me twelve thousand dollars,’ he muttered sarcastically. And defer a year so I can follow you to London and do nothing while you run around in your job, no thanks.’

‘You’re not making this easy,’ Belle whispered as she gazed at him, the tension in her voice showing.

‘Hey don’t turn this around on me,’ Ander replied angrily. ‘You’re the one who came home and told me you were going to London. You didn’t even think of talking about it with me first. It was this big secret and when you finally tell me it’s like you just expect me to drop everything and come with you. I have a life too Belle.’

‘I know you do. But Uni is something you can come back too. Aden this job I can’t. If I don’t go now I’ll always regret it. I know I will.’

‘Looks like you’ve decide then.’ Aden pushed his chair back and stormed out of the kitchen.

‘Aden wait,’ Belle cried. But the slamming of the front door told her all she need to know.

****************

‘Thanks for coming with me.’ Rachel smiled gratefully at Leah as they sat in the stuffy waiting room. She rested her hands in her lap and absentmindedly played with her wedding ring. Tony was with Taylor and Jazz. She wondered what they were doing at that very moment; if he was thinking of her, sitting in a stuffy waiting room waiting to see what the hell was wrong with her.

‘Don’t be silly that’s what I’m here for,’ Leah wrapped her arm around her shoulders. ‘Want me to come in with you?’

‘No, no, thanks though. I’ll be fine.’ As thankful as she was for Leah being there she so desperately wished it was her husband. She sighed heavily. Now I know how my poor patients feel,’ she laughed. ‘It drives you crazy,’ Rachel indicated as she gazed around the room at the dozen or so women sat on the green plastic chairs. She assumed most of the men with them where their partners. She’d tried not to let Tony know how upset she was that he couldn’t make it. She only had to look at his face; the extra lines on his forehead said a lot. Jazz had such a tight grip on him. She’d already asked for money, pretty much demanding years worth of child maintenance. Rachel couldn’t stop the anger boiling up every time she thought about it. It didn’t seem to make any difference to Jazz that the only reason Tony had been absent from his daughters life for so long was her own doing. It infuriated her. Never mind the very worrying fact that they just didn’t have that sort of money. Any attempts to push the meeting back a day had been firmly thwarted by the guilt trip she’d laid on him. No he couldn’t break his daughter’s heart. Rachel knew desperate he was for everything to work out.

‘Rachel,’ Leah shook her gently. ‘It’s your turn.’

‘Oh,’ Rachel stood up quickly, suddenly realising where she was.

‘You sure you’re going to be okay?’ Leah asked, unable to mask her concern.

‘Yeah,’ Rachel forced herself to smile. ‘Promise me after this we’ll go somewhere and celebrate?’ Rachel forced a laugh.

‘Sure, of course.’ Leah grinned but wondered what on earth they had to celebrate.

**************

Tony glanced around the playground, equally dreading and anticipating the arrival of Jazz and his daughter. Their daughter as Jazz pointed out every time, usually with a hint of glee in her voice. He despised himself for allowing her to manipulate him. He knew deep down he should be with Rachel; she was his wife for Gods sake. It killed him to think of her having to go through with the appointment alone. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the hurt across the face when he’d explained why he couldn’t make it and wasn’t there any way she could change it. Rachel had just closed her eyes and muttered something about how they’d only managed to get such a quick appointment due to a cancellation. She said she understood but he knew she didn’t. Not really. Tony sighed loudly and glanced at his watch. Typical of Jazz to keep him waiting. She knew how anxious he was to meet Rachel as soon as he possibly could. Not that he wanted to rush his time with Taylor. He was truly excited to meet her. As much as he tried to hide when it was just him and Rachel he was secretly curious and desperate to get to know someone who was half of him. Sometimes he’d catch himself thinking about her; wondering if she loved strawberry ice cream as much as he did and if she was a water baby like Jack and Lucas had been. But then he’d see the sad look on Rachel’s face as she tried to smile and join in and then the feelings of guilt overpowered him so much he dropped it. An overwhelming desire to call his wife overcame him before he realised she was probably with the specialist. His head ached.

‘Tony!’ He heard her before he saw her. Her loud voice boomed across the playground as she tottered towards him; he heels clicking on the tarmac.

‘Hey Jazz.’ He stood up and smiled nervously as she approached him, her hair gently blowing around her face. Tony couldn’t help but notice that she looked pretty fancy for just the playground.

‘Glad you realised your daughter is pretty important in your life,’ Jazz rolled her eyes as she leaned forward and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

‘Jazz,’ Tony warned as he stepped back, raising his eyebrows at her in surprise.

‘What?’ She shrugged casually. ‘Stop being so uptight.’

‘Look let’s just remember why we’re here.’ Tony suggested as he looked down and noticed the little person hiding behind Jazz’s legs. ‘Hey there, why are you hiding?’ He spoke softly as he crouched down to his knees and peered at his daughter. Taylor shrugged shyly and cautiously took a few steps towards him. She fiddled with her red hairband and pulled at her yellow shorts.

‘Your mum tells me you love ice cream,’ Tony chuckled. ‘Maybe we could go and get some. Would you like that?’

Taylor nodded. ‘Yes,’ she whispered faintly. She took a few more steps towards him, reaching out with her hand and touching his wrist. ‘Are you my daddy?’ She glanced up at him, her eyes opening in wonderment.

‘Umm, yes I am,’ he affirmed, quickly glancing up at Jazz who simply nodded in encouragement. ‘And I really hope we can start hanging out together a lot.’

Taylor nodded. ‘Do you like to go into the sea?’ Her voice suddenly became animated. ‘I love to go swimming but mummy says I can’t go myself and she doesn’t like getting her hair wet,’ she was suddenly serious. ‘But she gets it wet in the shower so I think she’s just being silly.’ Taylor giggled a little and brought her hand up to her mouth.

‘Well lucky for you I love to go swimming.’ Tony grinned. ‘So maybe one day soon I can take you. Would you like that?’

‘Yes please,’ she practically jumped up and down. ‘Can we go get ice cream now?’ She looked up at Jazz pleadingly. ‘I promise I won’t spill.’

‘Sure, sounds great.’ Jazz beamed at Tony as he stood up and fell into step with her.

‘Let me guess, you love strawberry?’ Tony smiled down at his daughter as she placed her tiny hand in his.

‘No,’ she shook her head as she dragged them forward. ‘Chocolate.’ Tony couldn’t help but feel a little bit disappointed.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Deleted.

[Red Ranger 1]

Aden and Belle are having troubles, glad Rachel's got Leah there, sort of, but...awww.Tony meeting Taylor was cute.I hope Jazz doesn't try and turn the situation to her advantage because I really like how excited Tony is about getting to know his daughter.

[charmed60]

Aww Kirsty that was perfect. The Aden/Belle scene was quite sad; no-ones in the wrong but they've both had amazing opportunities that have come up which they've got to decide whether it's worth losing for the sake of a relationship which might never work out in the long run. You're portraying the confusion and desperation perfectly and I'm pleased that Belle is going to take the job despite Aden; like she said, she'd never get that opportunity again.

Leah's scene with Rachel was really sad, although I'm glad she had her best friend there and didn't go alone. I liked how you portrayed her hurt and slight feelings of betrayal but at the same time showed how she understood the problem was with Jazz and her ability to manipulate things and make the situation difficult; rather than Tony choosing Taylor over her. Although again the money issue is a worry; it's completely unfair of Jazz to expect Tony to make back payments when he never knew about her and I worry that assuming he can't pay for it all himself and will have to use his and Rachel's joint money, it could cause some problems. Especially with the cost of this specialist treatment.

Tony meeting his daughter was written so beautifully; you can see how amazing a Dad he is and I loved his excitement and insistence to find out whether she liked the same things he did. Taylor is adorable and I loved all her little childish characteristics and her comments about Jazz getting her hair wet I liked that Tony was thinking about Rachel and how she was getting on and he knew that she was only pretending to be okay with the situation and trying her hardest not to be hurt by it. It's such an awful position for everyone to be in (apart from Jazz - she must be loving this!) so I love how you're portraying all their confused emotions and the way Tony's torn between his daughter and Rachel. Because at the end of the day; if it was only Taylor involved I'm sure Rachel wouldn't find it a problem but with Jazz there; it must feel like when he chooses Taylor he chooses Jazz to. So interested to see where you're going with this.

So beautifully done, please update soon

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you for all your lovely comments I hope people aren't getting bored of this...i don't really have any idea where it's going. But again thanks to those who do comment

‘Rach?’ Tony called out as he stepped into the house. Ice-cream had led to feeing the ducks, to more time at the playground and then to a walk along the beach where Taylor had insisted on picking up every single shell along the way and demanding Tony inspect it thoroughly. It was only when he was driving home he realised how late it was. Rachel would have been home hours ago.

‘Oh hey,’ she wandered out of the bedroom and stood before him, somewhat shyly. ‘How did it go?’

‘How did it go?’ Tony asked seriously. He wanted to know every little detail. ‘Oh,’ he laughed a little.

‘You first,’ she smiled and sat down on the couch, hugging a cushion to her chest.

‘No you,’ he insisted as he joined her and placed his hand on her knee. He prayed to God it was good news. He still felt guilty about missing the appointment with her. ‘I want to know everything Rach; I’ve not been able to think about anything else.’

Rachel glanced at him dubiously. She highly doubted he was thinking of her when he was playing happy families with Jazz. Don’t go there, she mentally told herself, closing her eyes and sighing heavily.

Tony listened intently as she launched into a description of what the next step was for them. He noticed how hard she tried to avoid using medical jargon; it made his heart melt a little bit. She explained that although all tests had come back negative - basically there was no physical reason why she couldn’t carry a baby – but sometimes these things are just unexplainable. The specialist, Dr Carter, had explained that he thought her miscarriages could be due to a weakened cervix. It had embarrassed her. Surely as a doctor she should have realised that herself. Maybe it had been easier for her to just pretend there was nothing wrong and it was all going to eventually work out. Rachel knew everything he’d explained, that sometimes, miscarriages that occur after 14 weeks happen due to a weakened cervix. She paused to check Tony was still with her. He was holding her hand and he squeezed it encouragingly. She continued. ‘When the baby grows and places pressure on a weakened cervix it will spontaneously open and the baby will pass out of the uterus. When this is determined as the cause of miscarriage a future pregnancy can sometimes be completed by the doctor placing a stitch in the cervix around 12 weeks to keep it closed. The stitch is called a cerclage.’ She stopped, breathing in. ‘That pretty much sums it up.’

‘So let me get this right.’ Tony stopped for a few minutes to let his brain process what she’d just told him. ‘Next time you get pregnant, they’re going to put a cer – a stitch inside you and it should prevent a miscarriage?’

‘Well, yes basically.’ She smiled nervously. ‘I guess we can start trying soon.’ Rachel blushed slightly. The thought of sex a few weeks ago would have sent her running but now, well she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss it.

‘Great’ he grinned and winked at her mischievously.

‘Maybe we can do a nice dinner tonight,’ she suggested. ‘Kind of a little celebration. It’s sort of good news.’ Rachel leaned forward and kissed him on the lips; allowing herself to feel the happiness that had been building up inside ever since she’d left the clinic. There was hope. She wasn’t totally useless as a woman after all.

‘That sounds wonderful.’ He grinned and kissed her back.’ Seeing her smile made everything worth it.

‘So, you need to tell me how it went with Taylor,’ Rachel said as she pushed him away slightly. ‘What’s she like?’

‘Rach we don’t have to do this right now,’ he glanced at her somewhat desperately, hating she’d moved away from him a couple of inches.

‘Yes we do,’ she insisted. ‘It’s important Tony.’ She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned back, resting her head against the back of the couch.

‘She’s, well, she’s pretty amazing.’ Tony looked away and gazed at his hands. ‘She has my eyes,’ he said, almost proudly. ‘And Jack’s, it’s funny when I saw her I knew instantly. She has Jack’s facial expressions too.’ Tony laughed as his voice became more animated. ‘She’s really great Rach; she loves the water and is such a spirited little thing. I’m taking her swimming in a few days. She’s definitely a Holden in that respect.’ He paused, suddenly realising how it must sound to her.

‘That’s great.’ Rachel forced a smile as Tony turned to face her. She was thrilled it had gone well but she couldn’t stop her heart breaking a little bit every time she pictured him with Jazz and their child. It seemed so cruel to her. And she knew Jazz. She knew her intentions. Tony was just too dam nice to notice when he was being played. ‘So when can I meet her?’ Rachel enquired. ‘I really want to be part of her life too.’

‘You will be,’ he reassured quietly as he pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. It killed him that she was trying so hard to pretend that she was okay with all of this. All for his sake. But he noticed her eyes cloud over every time Taylor was mentioned and he heard the wobble in her voice. A smile would always be plastered across her face yet it never reached her eyes. He didn’t want to tell her how worried he was about everything. Jazz was unpredictable. Tony had no idea what she was going to do next. Somehow he imagined it would be difficult to get Jazz to agree to Rachel meeting Taylor anytime soon. And then there was the money issue. They just didn’t have what Jazz was demanding. Plus the specialist wasn’t cheap. He played with hair and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence that had lapsed between them. ‘You okay?’ He muttered as he kissed her hair. He loved how it smelt. Like coconut.

‘Yeah,’ she raised her head up and gazed into his eyes. ‘You know what, I’m tired of talking, let’s –hey,’ she playfully punched his arm as he gazed at her in amusement.

‘You tired of talking, never.’ Tony laughed and winked. ‘Sorry, what were you saying?’

‘I was going to suggest we, uh, go to the bedroom but if you’re too busy making fun maybe I’ll just go for a walk,’ she teased. Rachel stood up, laughing as he jumped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle, kissing her neck as he pushed her across the living room. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being so close with him again. She pushed all thoughts of Jazz and Taylor to the back of her mind. She couldn’t allow Jazz to dictate her life. And she’d be dammed if she let her ruin her marriage.

*************************

Jazz opened the envelope tentatively, her heart thumping. Her clammy palms caused the paper to stick to her fingers and she cursed loudly. She was thankful Taylor was still splashing about in the bath. The only benefit of being stuck living in a hotel was the Jacuzzi that kept her daughter amused for hours. Eventually she pulled the sheet of paper out and flapped it open, her eyes quickly scanning the words printed before her. Her heart skipped a beat. No, she whispered. It couldn’t be true. Taking a deep breath she sat down and forced herself to read it properly. Jumping to conclusions so quickly was not a good idea. She blinked hard and stared at the words again. It almost surprised her that they didn’t change. She felt the nausea rising in her throat as she absorbed the information in front of her; 99.9% a match, conclusive, x is almost definitely the father of y. No she thought, it couldn’t be. She’s been so sure. You only had to look at Taylor to see how much she was like Tony. Perhaps it had been idiotic of her to assume but at the time she’d been so convinced. Tony was the best father Taylor could ask for. Does a little piece of biology really make a difference Jazz pondered. She ignored the little warning voice in her head that told her what she was doing was despicable. At the end of the day she had to think of her daughter; and Tony was the best thing that had happened to her. With trembling fingers she ripped the results into tiny pieces and dropped them into the bin. It was as if they’d never existed.

**************************

‘We can’t afford that.’ Rachel affirmed firmly. It was now early evening and Jazz’s latest surprise had been sprung before them. A courier had hand delivered a package to them, containing a printed breakdown of the money Jazz was demanding. ‘There’s no way; even if we make cutbacks where we can we’re going to be scrapping by. And I think it’s ridiculous she expects you to pay for the past four years when you didn’t even know Taylor existed!’ Rachel threw down the documents in protest. ‘You need to set her straight otherwise I will.’ Rachel stared at Tony intently. He knew she was deadly serious. They were both sitting at the kitchen table trying to make sense of the obscene amounts of money Jazz apparently needed for Taylor. Or for her designer handbags and fake nails Rachel secretly thought.

‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘You know what she’s like Rach. She’s impossible to deal with sometimes. I’ve told her I’m willing to pay towards her upkeep from now on but Jazz seems to think I have an obligation to pay for all the years I missed.’

‘Well you can tell her we’ll get lawyers involved them. I’m not going to let that woman screw us over Tony,’ Rachel insisted, the anger in her voice rising. ‘We’ve worked too dam hard to just hand it over to her. And how much of that money is that child going to see? Jazz doesn’t exactly strike me as the most motherly woman,’ she spat as she leaned back in her chair and folder her arms across her chest.

‘That child is my daughter,’ Tony pointed out. ‘And as much as I dislike Jazz’s behaviour she is the mother of my child and I can’t ignore that. I do not want to get into a fight with her over money. She’s a big part of my life now. They both are.’

‘Right.’ Rachel looked away and bit down on her lower lip. Don’t get upset, she mentally told herself.

‘****,’ Tony cursed under his breath. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. He knew how it sounded. ‘Rach,’ Tony sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. All he wanted was for things to be good for everyone. It was beginning to seem impossible. ‘Rach,’ he stood up and walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, resisting her attempts to shrug him off. ‘I don’t want to fight with you over this,’ he spoke quietly. ‘We promised we wouldn’t let Jazz come between us, remember?’ He gently placed his arms around her and rubbed the tops of her arms.

‘We’re not fighting,’ she whispered. She sniffed and stifled a laugh. She placed her hand on his and leaned back so she could smile up at him. ‘I just don’t want her to take advantage. If she has Taylor’s best interests at heart then she’d have no problems with us getting something drawn up legally.’

‘Yeah. You’re right.’ Tony smiled, despite the sinking feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t going to be that easy to get Jazz to agree to anything, especially with Rachel.

‘Good.’ How could she possibly explain to him that her deepest fear was that Jazz would become such a huge part of his life that there’d no longer be room for her. Rachel knew Jazz was going to use the situation to her advantage and milk it for all its worth. She knew how Jazz looked at Tony. And Jazz knew that Rachel wouldn’t ever say anything to him for fear that it would backfire and Taylor would disappear from his life. Rachel didn’t want that. Tony was right. Jazz was the mother of his child. And she couldn’t compete with that.

[HighwayUnicorn]

Deleted.

[crazylazy]

oooh loved it, you captured how tachel were pre harry,

i feel sorry for rachel and tony here- they tring to keep each other happy. i do hope jazz is found out and i wonder who the father could be?