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A Mother's Treasure Is Her Daughter

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lollypop

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Chapter 43

Grant....The name rang through Charlie's head. She expected that the therapy session would be intense but she never imagined it would go down this route. Turning her gaze towards Ruby, she could see her seize up at the mention of her biological father. Charlie knew from past discussions she'd had with Ruby that even now, it was still a very touchy subject. Even though it pained Charlie to think of her experiences with that man, it hurt her even more the fact her daughter contantly fought to cleanse herself of her blood connection with him.

"How do you feel about him, about how you were conceived", Michael asked.

Charlie flinched a little which didn't go unnoticed by Michael. He gave her a small smile to break the ice but it didn't help. To Charlie it felt like he was pushing an imaginery boundary that made her feel very uncomfortable. Once more she was slightly anxious about hearing her daughter answer the question. She had never really heard Ruby talk openly about the matter, they only ever discussed what needed to be talked about at a particular time and that was it. Both were secretly afraid to broach the subject.

But thats where Michael came in. He could ask the difficult questions because he had no emotional attachment to either women and he had no connection to the their personal dramas. In a way Charliew envied him. He could ask the questions she desperatly wanted to but was too scared to ask. For a split second she thanked God for giving her the opportunity to be in that room. Listening in on the conversation, like a fly on the wall as it were. Turning her attention to Ruby, she watched as her daughter clenched her fists. Clenching them so tightly her knuckles turned white.

"I....I.....", Ruby stuttered over her words as her voice began to shake as her thoughts started to race through her mind at a hundred miles an hour. "....I can't think about it. Because if I think about it, then all I can think is...I'm a product of that...a product of rape. A mistake that will last a lifetime and I can't bear it", she said as she lowered her head and tears startes to drop from her eyes.

Michael looked at her with sympathy in his eyes as he handed her a tissue from the box on his desk. Charlie sat there stunned into silence. Watching as Michael handed Ruby the tissue she thought about what Ruby had said....I've always carried the pain of what Grabt did to me, but I never really stopped to think how it affected Ruby. I glossed over because I was too selfish to consider her pain. What kind of mother am I?...she was snapped out of her thoughts when she saw that Ruby was ready to continue.

"I know it's selfish of me to think like that, I mean I didn't suffer half as much as mum did, but.....", Ruby stopped as Michael interjected.

"....but the blood ties you share with this man make you wonder how your mother really looks at, how she really see's you", he said as he watched Ruby nod her head in agreement with what he said. "Have you ever asked your mum?", he questioned, looking from Ruby to Charlie and then down at his notes.

"Eh, yeah, she told me that she never saw him and that she loved me......", Ruby said trailing off.

"....but you still feel like she's just saying it because she knows that's what you want to hear?", he said but this time he got no reply from Ruby.

Sitting upright Charlie felt a twinge of pain and saddness deep inside as she looked at her daughter who was holding her own arms close to her. Charlie could feel anger building up inside her. Even though Grant was dead, he was still causing her family grief and pain. She wondered how long it would take before his ghost would stop haunting them, but mostly she wondered when his ghost would stop haunting Ruby.

Charlie knew what Grant did to her was disgusting and the thought of it still pained her. But that one horrible night was all she shared with Grant. Ruby on the other hand shared 50% of his DNA. His blood ran through her daughter's veins and although Charlie wished for Ruby's sake that it wasn't like that, the reality was it was true. Ruby was half a Bledcoe just as she was half a Buckton. Even though it sickened Charlie to think that such a beautiful, precious part of her life shared the same blood as creep like him, she never, ever wished it away. Because if it wasn't for Grants "sperm donation", Ruby would not exist. And that reality was even more unbearable for Charlie to even think about.

"Ruby, do you feel anything for your father?", Michael asked. He more or less knew for Ruby's fellings on her conception what the answer would be, but he needed Ruby to say it out loud for her own sake.

Ruby sat there. Silent. Staring into space. Images of her "father" flashing through her mind as she searched for the answer to the question. She had never really thought about on a deep emotional level. After the incident at the cabin and his muder she was adament she hated him, but she wasn't sure now if it was just anger in that certain situation blinding her true feelings. Thinking back over everything she tried to find unravel her confusion to help her feel something. When she looked at her mother suddenly it was like a key had opened the lock to her trapped emotions and she found the answer.

"Honestly, the only thing I feel when I think about him, is this numbness. Like I can't feel anything", she explained as she freely expressed her true feelings at last. "Then I feel sad....to think my own father summons up this awful feeling in me that won't go away", she finished.

Michael continued jotting down in his notes, giving Ruby time to compose herself and Charlie time to digest the information that was slowly registering in her head. He stood up and walked over to a mini fridge in the corner of the room and removed two bottles of water, he handed one to Ruby and then walked over to Charlie and held it out for her to take from him. She smiled as she took the bottle from him and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Walking back to his seat he sat down and picked back up his notes. He stopped for a second, realising that the next question he was about to ask was not something he had orginally intended on asking in front of Ruby's mother. But he had to. It was something he had thought about when reviewing her case and it was related to the topic they were discussing. He needed to ask her now while the momentum of the conversation was still going strong.

"Ruby, your....injuries", he said about Ruby's wrists, trying to make it sound less demeaning, "you said you did it because you thought ending your life was the only way to save your mothers, Sub consiously do you think that your feelings towards your father, the way in which you were conceived, that they played a part in your reasons for...self harming? I want you to think about that before you answer and please, answer truthfully".

Ruby looked at him, a little winded by the question. Suddenly she felt this nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach as she thought long and hard about what she really felt about it. Turning her gaze to her mother she looked for some sort of unsettled, saddness in her eyes caused by Ruby's openess about everything. Instead all she saw was compassion and warmth. Something Charlie always conveyed to Ruby. But even though she was glad Charlie looked that way now, she was scared that her answer would hurt her mother. Turning back to Michael, she looked him in th eye and said the one thing Charlie didn't want to hear.

"Yes", she said almost in a whisper.

Charlie looked down at her hands. Ruby's words had shaken her. She felt helpless knowing what she now knew and the idea that it was something she couldn't physically change hurt her more than anything else. Looking at her daughter she noticed that she looked physically exhausted and emotionally drained. But above all else, she looked haunted and lost. Tears slid down Ruby's cheeks and Charlie wanted desperatly to comfort her.

Sensing Charlie's need to console her child, Michael called a hault to the days session and watched as Charlie bounded from her seat and straight to Ruby, pulling her into a tight embrace and kissing the top of her head as she gently stroked her hair. Michael sat back in the chair at his desk and watched on, admiring the devotion Charlie had for her daughter. He could sense and unconditional love between them, an unbreakable bond that he had never really witnessed between a parent and their child before.

But then again not all people had been through what Charlie and Ruby had been through. The strength, courage and preserverence they had shown was remarkable and he couldn't help but find himself completely drawn in by it. Gazing at the beautiful tall, slender brunette that stood before him with her daughter by her side he smiled, hoping that he would get the chance to meet her again. He watched as they walked towards the door and left the room, and when they were out of sight, he turned his attention back to his work.

Walking down the corridor, Charlie kept an arm wrapped protectively around Ruby's waste as her daughter walked with her head propped up against her mother's shoulder. When they arrived at Ruby's room, the younger Buckton sat on the bed and looked up at her mother who gently caressed her cheek. In that moment, Ruby wanted to speak but couldn't quite find the words. She was exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep.

"Um...I'm tired. I think I might take a nap", Ruby said somewhat scared that if she woke up later her mother would be gone.

"Okay", Charlie said as she helped Ruby into bed and pulled the blanket up over her. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed she stroked her daughter's hair. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I promise", she said. And with that she leaned down and kissed Ruby on the forehead. A kiss that expressed just how much she loved her daughter.

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Danni02 Wonder Poster!

Danni02

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Good update.

I love how much Charlie is there for Ruby.

The session must have been so hard for both of them to sit through, hard awful questions, but I guess they needed to be asked to help Ruby.

Update soon.

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lollypop Member

lollypop

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Would just like to thank everyone who has been reading and commenting on the story. I felt it was about time I acknowledged all you loyal followers. Danni02, welshjess, jarliefanever, charlie29, callyha and anybody else who has been following, cheers. This ones dedicated to you lot.

Chapter 44

Walking down the corridor towards Ruby's room, Charlie's mind replayed the events of the therapy session the day before. She hadn't stopped thinking about since she left the centre. It had made her think about things in a whole different light. About her rape, about Grant, about life in general and about the pain Ruby had surpressed for so long that shw was only now becoming aware of. So new was this information, that Charlie had agreed to attend Ruby's next couple of counselling sessions so she could learn more about what was going in her daughter's head.

As she entered Ruby's bedroom, she was greeted by a nurse who had just come in behind her, carrying bandages, antiseptic and what looked like painkillers. The nurse informed Charlie of what they were for and after some convincing, the nurse agreed to allow her to change Ruby's bandaging. The nurse left the room and within minutes, Ruby appeared, looking slightly pale. This didn't go unnoticed by Charlie who quickly jumped into protective mother mode. She walked over and reached out her arms to help Ruby, but her daughter held up her hand to stop her, assuring her she was fine and just had a headache.

Handing her the painkillers and a glass of water she watched as Ruby washed them down and then let out a breath of relief as the headache quickly began to subside. Turning her attention to her mother, she noticed she was holding bandages and it immediatly clicked in her head that her dressings needed to be changed. When Charlie edged closer to the bed, Ruby flinched, her first instinct to pull down her sleeves and cross her arms close to her chest. Charlie had not seen her daughters wounds since the day of the incident and Ruby wasn't sure she was ready to let her mother see these new additions to her growing family of scars that adorned her body.

"Mum, can we please not do that now? The nurse will be around later she can do it", Ruby said as she looked at her mother with a pleading look.

"Rubes I'm just gonna change your dressings. It will only take a second", Charlie said as she reached for one of Ruby's hands.

"No!", Ruby said as she backed away. "Please, just leave it okay. I don't want you to have to do this".

Charlie stepped back, finally realising that Ruby didn't want her to see her wrists, but she didn't understand why? She had seen Ruby's other scars many times before. She had often helped redress them when they needed to be changed. Charlie couldn't understand why this time it was so different. Why was Ruby being distant about it? It was something Charlie tried to get her head around, but she knew that pushing Ruby would only drive her a million miles in the opposite direction. So she relented and placed the bandaging to one side.

Just as they were about to depart for Ruby's counselling session, Michael knocked on the door and entered at Ruby's acknowledgement of his presence. He smiled at her and then looked at Charlie who smiled pleasantly at him. Gazing at her, he couldn't hep but notice she semmed to be at a bit of loss and watching as she turned her attention back to Ruby, he began to understand why. Looking down at his diary he saw the long list of patients he had to attend to that day and came up with a plan that he thought would help him free up some time. But more importantly help Ruby and Charlie reconnected on an emotional level.

"Hey, Michael", Ruby said as she looked up at the rather handsome doctor. "We were just on our way for my session".

"Actually, I've had a think about things and your not going to be having a counselling session with me today", he said looking at the confused looks on both Charlie and Rubys faces. "Ruby talking to me is easy because I'm a complete stranger and it probably does help you to be able to get certain things off your chest. But I think one of your underlying issues is that you can't, or won't open up to your mother", he said as he looked down at Ruby's wrists and back up at her.

Ruby tightened her folded arms closer to her chest. She knew what Michael was talking about because they had discussed it briefly in counselling. But she never actually thought he would make somethong of it. The notion through her off. She didn't know if she was ready to be so open with Charlie. She didn't know if she could be open with Charlie. After everything they'd been through she thought it would be easier to be close to her mother on that level. Instead it just seemed much, much harder.

"Today, I want you and Charlie to go somewhere quiet and talk. I don't mean mindless chit-chat or idle gossip I mean really talk. Imagine it's one of your counselling sessions with me. Be honest, be open and just talk ti your mum", he said with an encouraging smile. As he picked up his stuff and made his way towards the door he stopped and turned around. "May I suggest the the old oak tree down beside the lake out back. You spend a lot of time there. It might help you relax", he finished and with that he walked off.

Gazing around the room Ruby's eyes fell on her mother. As much as the idea of spilling her inner most thoughts and feelings to Charlie petrified her, she knew there was no way out of this and that it was better to get it over and done with than to spend weeks contemplating when would be an appropriate time. As she went to stand up from the bed she felt a sharp pain hit her lower back and she stumbled a little. Charlie rushed over to her side to keep her from falling and when Ruby was steady on her feet she released her grip.

"Are you okay?", Charlie asked.

"Yeah I'm fine I just stood up too quick. My backs still a little tender", Ruby replied as she gently rubbed her back.

"Rubes we don't have to do this now if you don't want to", secretly Charlie was scared to hear what was going through her daughter's head.

"No, it's fine", Ruby said as she held up a hand to stop her mother from cutting in. "Come on, it's a really nice day out. Might as well make the most of it", she said and both women proceeded to exit the room.

Walking along the grass lawn, Charlie's eyes instantly gazed upon the picturesque view before her. The sun was shining in clear blue skies. The grass was a lushious green and supported the growing flowers that dotted the edges. And right ahead was a tall oak tree. It's branches extened in many different directions. Perfect for sitting in the shade. And right in front was a view of a serene, man made lake. It sparkled in the glistening sun and rippled along with the gentle breeze. It's clear waters reflecting the perfect blue skies. Just by looking at it, she knew why Ruby sent so much time there.

The Buckton women walked up the oak tree and Ruby was the first to perch herself under it, then Charlie followed suit and joined her. Looking out at the lake, Ruby hoped that its peaceful soothing nature rubbed off on her as she fought the urge to get up and run away from the situation she was in. Tugging at her sleeves she looked at Charlie who was admiring the scene around her. It was then she realised that she couldn't back out now. She had to go through with Michaels suggestion of opening up.

"So", Charlie said, unsure as to how the conversation was meant to go. "Do you want to start or should I?".

Ruby averted her eyes as she felt herself getting emotional. She could feel the stinging sensation as she tried to hold back the tears. She inhaled a large breath of air and then slowly exhaled, wiping her eyes with her hands.

"I could sit hear and tell you that I'm angry or upset about Grant. About where I come from. But then I'd be telling you something I've told you so many times before and you'll tell me that you love me and that I have nothing to do with him. But it still doesn't change anything, and.....and it disgusts me. It makes me feel sick. When I look in the mirror I see his evil smile staring back at me and I can't get away from it", Ruby said, her voice shaking as she held back tears.

"That day, the day I slashed my wrists because I thought it would protect you....................", Ruby trailed off as she fought hard to find the words to say what she wanted to say. It was going to be difficult to say but she had. Even if it did hurt her mother to hear it. "..........I wanted to die. I wanted all the pain inside to just stop. I wanted to stop waking up every morning and see his face staring back at me".

Charlie sat there completely shocked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Ruby, her Ruby, wanted to die. How could things have gotten this bad. She felt completely helpless. Charlie knew all to well that while physical scars fade, emotional scars could last a lifetime and Ruby had enough as it was. She had been put through the ringer physically, emotionally and mentally throughout the year. The fact she was remotely sane was a miracle.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't know how. I mean how could I tell you that. You've done nothing but support me and comfort me. I ddn't want you to think it had anything to do with you", Ruby admitted. "Finding out you were my mum, it angered me, it confused me, it finally made sense to me. And I realised that even though I resented having my life turned on it's head, in a way I'm glad it happened. Because it brought me so much closer to you. And that's something I wouldn't change for anything", she finally finished.

Charlie allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks. Ruby's last statement made her heart soar. She ahd finally opened up to her mother and it felt good. Even if some of what she said did hurt. Looking down she notice Ruby pull up her sleeves. As she continued to watch, Ruby gently began to undo the bandages that covered her wrists. She was finally going to show Charlie the wounds that she didn't have the confidence to show her before. When Ruby finally had them unwrapped she stared at them for a moment herself and then, she placed her wrists out in front of Charlie.

"Oh Rubes", Charlie said as she looked at the wounds.

They were still red, but the stitched were gone. They were pertruded and ran length ways on both wrists. Charlie gently cupped Rubys hands in hers and placed a soft kiss on each wrist and the looking up at her daughter she placed a hand on the back of Ruby's head pulling her closer to er and kissing her on the forehead and embracing her. Both of them let out their tears and sobbed as they consoled each other. A new chapter in their lives was on the horizon.

"I love you baby girl", Charlie said softly as she stroked Ruby's hair.

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