Stole

[Billy]

Chapter 20:Top dog:

Sally got into her prison uniform and got into her cell she then saw a girls under the bed. Sally said hi what is your name. the girl then said stacey, stacey gates and you are. Sally flectchar sally said. Stacey then said what you in for. Sally said murder what you in for, Seriel killer. stacey then said she is the top dog of this cell block so sally can hang round with stacey.

Flynn started to go on strike along with half of summer bay to free sally. Maxwell comes up in his car and saids to flynn that he can visit sally in a week maxwell then drove off and flynn was like im not resting until sally is free.

Kirsty got to the old factory and shouted the name jade. Jade appeared out of the blue with the baby. Kirsty said to jade why did you take him then jade broke down in tears and said because i can not have children. Kirsty was just mortified. Jade then said she so badley wants a child of her own. Kirsty then said to jade well nicking peoples babys is not a good way to get a child. Jade then said your against me are you everyone is against jade sutherland because she can not have a child of her own. Kirsty then text kane and said to meet her down by the old factory. Jade then said to kirsty why is it always me who looses but not this time this time im going to be the champion. Kirsty got really scared at this point when jade got a knife out. Kane arrived at the old factory and sneeked round the back with maxwell. kirsty charged at jade. Jade ran out of the back exit then she got cuaght by kane and maxwell. Jade was let off the hook by kirsty but she has been sent to a mental insitution. Kirsty, Kane and baby k.j are reunited with eachother.

The storm is getting a whloe lot worst in smmer bay. Several trees have blown over and a roof of a cottage has blown off. At the summer bay high barry has said to everoyne to stay at school. Everyone is totally against the idea.

Morag waits and waits until margeret kim and some other men show up. Margeret saids are you reday for this morag. Reday as i will ever be morag applied they all got in the car as they planned to kill summer bay...

NEXT TIME:HOSTAGE TERROR IS IN STORE FOR SUMMER BAY HIGH AS MORAG MARGERET KIM AND THE OTHER MEN HOLD THE SCHOOL HOSTAGE BUT THE STORM IS GETTING WORST WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO SUMMER BAY...

[Di]

Your good at Fan fic's, but there way to much violence and drama going on it would be nice if you had more of a story line going on .Otherwise your a good writer.

[Billy]

well di after i finish my drama in a few more chapters there are going to be wedding bells in summer bay for a hot fav couple and a new diner caled s.b.d 3000 and it is going to be happiness for summer bay plus a shocking affair

[Billy]

Chapter 21:Morags Mad Monday part one of three:

It is monday in summer bay. the storm is getting pretty bad in summer bay as helicopters have to go out because of floods.

At summer bay high everyone is in the main hall apart from the hunters ric and cassie who are in the classroom. Morag then came in the school alongside margeret kim and the other men. Matilda peeked threw the door and she saw the men with guns. Matilda said to everyone that there is men with guns out there so everyone hid in the classroom. Morag looked in the classroom where they were hiding and morag said they must be in the main hall. All of the people accept one of the men went to the main hall. Robbie then said to matilda what are we going to do. Maddy shrugged her shoulders.

In the main hall Morag and Margeret had arrived and barry was shocked to see Margeret there. Morag then got up on stage and said fellow residents of summer bay the time has come when you have to give in to us and give us the summer bay land or they will have no choice but to shoot every single student including teachers. They all heard the storm outside as a window smashed.

At the hostpital tasha woke up from her coma and she sence danger she then got her combat suit on and went on a mission to help summer bay high...

NEXT TIME:WILL THE HUNTERS RIC AND CASSIE ESCAPE FROM THE GUNMAN TASHA WARNS SUMMER BAY AND THEY MAKE A PLAN TO SAVE THE STUDENTS AND MORAG HAS DEVESTATING CONSEQUENCES FOR SUMMER BAY HIGH...

[msf]

I'm only replying because albica pm'ed me and asked me too.

I've had a quick look at your fanfic.

I don't know if it's intentional but it looks very sketchy, like in the first paragraph :

"kirsty was outside in the night she was walking along the beach when suddenly someone just kiddnapped her."

"someone just kiddnapped her"

It looks more like a synopsis than a story. However these are good plots and they are diverse too. So it looks like you've got what it takes to be a storyliner.

Now if you can team up with a good dialogue writer (maybe you'll even find one on this board, that would be interesting) and with a bit more work, you've got yourself a soap.

So, can someone write the dialogue for chapter 1 ?

[Billy]

Chapter 22:Morags Mad Monday part two of three:

The gunman was outside of the classroom with a gun guarding the door. Henry and ric went up behind the man and pulled him on the floor.. Matilda and cassie got the ropes and tied the gunman up. Then robbie got him in the cupboard and locked the cupboard door. They have got the gun but they have to plan there moves very carefully against margeret and morag. They said we need to target her somewhere but where. Then cassie suggested the school gym. They all made there way to the school gym.

Tasha made her way to the gym and said to everyone that summer bay high had been taken hostage by Margeret and Morag plus others. Everyone was just shocked especially Alf. Tasha said they need to make a plan before Margeret and Morag kill all of them. Flynn then suggestest how about we hand are selfs in but with loads of weapons. tasha said that could work they all thought of a plan to eliminate Margeret and Morag forever.

Meanwhlie in the hall morag was sitting down on a chair saying time is running out summer bay high. everyone was frighteened at this point and scared and they all hasd shivers down there spines. Morag then said if they don't give us the land in 15 minutes well me Margeret Kim and the others are going to well lets just say none of you will not do you hsc no. everyone was just frighteened...

NEXT TIME:A WAR BEGINS AT SUMMER BAY HIGH SCHOOL BUT WHO WILL WIN THE BATTLE...

[Claire]

Your writing is most definetely improving! I'm impressed by the number of updates you manage in a day!

[Di]

Yeah it's good, btw do you PM everyone to read your fanfic?

[Jackieleanne]

I aggree with Claire, I love the plots and your writing definatly improved in that last chapter, as sometimes it could get confusing because of the grammar etc. Maybe using less "Then's" would make it less like a sypnosis like msf mentioned.

[Billy]

Chapter 23:Morags Mad Monday part three of three:

The hunters ric and cassie made there way to the school gym as they was doing the plan. Robbie then said he needed to get something from his locker. Whlie robbie was getting something from his locker the others made do of there plan.

Robbie went to get something from his locker when someone came up behind him and pulled him away into the janitors celler.

Everyone made there way to the school. Tasha said they are armed so be warned. Everyone was outside waiting outside the school and they could here morag talking. Morag was saying tick tock time is running out summer bay. Tasha then said to martha come with me we will go round the back of the school the rest of you stay here. Tasha and Martha made there way to the back of the school and they went past the jainitors celler where robbie is held captured.

Robbie was bound and gagged whlie the person was smoothing the knife with there hand. Robbie tried so hard to get free but he could not.

Matilda and cassie made there way to the back of the stage with the gun whlie ric and henry were staying in the school gym incase they needed help. Matilda and cassie nearly got cuaght out by one of the hostage takers but they manage to keep a clear sheet. Matilda then shot a gun shot in the air whlie cassie made a chilling scream. Morag ran in the back of the stage when she found cassie covered in blood she rub her hand in the blood smelt it and then cassie released a vicious attack on morag. Matilda then swang down on a rope on the stage and went to the front of the stage with the gun and said nobody move. the hostage takers then pointed the gun at matilda she then got tied to a pole on the stage.

Henry and ric were watching from the gym when tasha and martha arrived with weapons. Tasha then said everyone attack.

Everyone including outside came in and starting attacking the hostage takers. Matilda was screaming help whlie cassie was still attacking morag.

Robbie manage to get his ropes free and attacked the person who was revealed to be margeret. Margeret then got the knife and stabbed robbie.

Tasha heard robbies chilling scream and ran to the janitors celler. she saw margeret in there with the bloody knife and a very ill robbie. tasha then relased her true colours and threw margeret aggainst the wall and tied her up. Tasha then called the police and ambulance.

The police and ambulance arrived so the hostage takers, kim and Morag were arrested. Margeret was arrested Robbie and Matilda were taken to hostpital and everyone was cheering because they had one...

NEXT TIME:TASHA PROPOSES TO ROBBIE AND HE SAIDS YES, SALLY AND THE TOP DOG STACEY RULE THERE CELL BLOCK, KIRSTY AND KANE DICIDE TO BUY THERE SHARE OF THE DINER AND WHO DOES MATILDA KISS...