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Return of the Bay Jedi

Guest Red Ranger 1

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So, following the success of our first two Home and Away Star Wars adaptations, Miranda, pembie, JosieTash and myself will now be completing the Bay Wars trilogy. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

Story Title: Return of the Bay Jedi

Type of story: Short/Medium Fic

Main Characters: Xavier, Romeo, Indigo and others

BTTB rating: T

Genre: Comedy

Does story include spoilers: No

Any warnings: Probably violence in a humourous manner

Summary: Xavier and Indigo spend the first third rescuing Romeo from Harvey the Hutt before remembering there's an evil empire to overthrow.



Xavier Skywalker has returned to his home of Summer Bay to rescue his friend Romeo Solo

from the clutches of the vile gangster Harvey the Hutt.

Little does Xavier know that the evil Galactic Empire has begun construction of a new armoured

space station even more powerful than the first Death Star.

When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels

hoping to bring freedom to the galaxy.

Darth Palmer descended the steps of his personal shuttle into the hangar bay of the new Death Star. He stood there, breathing heavily inside his black armour, for several seconds. Then he turned to the station commander, Moff Stu Henderson. “Work on this station is behind schedule.”

Moff Stu stared at him in confusion. “It took you twenty years to build the first Death Star. This one’s nearly finished. Doesn’t that mean we’re ahead of schedule?”

“No. You are still behind schedule. Because I say so.”

Stu shook his head. “I think if you look at the contract…”

“Perhaps you should explain that to Emperor Alfatine when he arrives?”

Stu looked around in the vain hope that a hidden camera crew was filming him. “Emperor Alfatine is coming here?”

“Yes. And he is far less generous about failure than I am.”

“Don’t you deal with people who fail you by chopping them up into little bits?”

Darth Palmer nodded.

Moff Stu considered jumping out of the nearest airlock.

The two droids, Dex3PO and AprilD2, made their way across the sandy plains of Summer Bay. “How come we always get the dirty jobs?”Dex3PO complained. “Sasha Calrissian went missing after she went to look for Harvey the Hutt so they send us instead? We were having a nice time at Master Xavier’s aunt and uncle’s place being fed apple pie. That sexgod musician Liambacca would be far more capable of handling himself than us.”

AprilD2 gave a derisitory snort.

“Well, I’m sorry that we’re not hanging out as much as we used to. Perhaps you could find a nice Rivertrooper to keep you company?”

AprilD2 made an exasperated noise.

“Oh, you think that imposing pyramid ahead of us may be Harvey the Hutt’s base? Well, you could be right, I suppose…”

They knocked on the door and were greeted by a gaunt figure. “Yes?”

“Ah, we were looking for the vile crime lord Harvey the Hutt. Have we got the wrong place?”

“You have got the right place. I am Dennis Fortuna, Harvey the Hutt’s assistant.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. Perhaps you could take us to him?”

Dennis Fortuna led them through the tunnels of the pyramid. “I used to have my own business empire, you know,”he complained. “But then Harvey the Hutt ends up running things round here and starts telling people they haven’t got the right licenses and I end up going bust. So now we all have to work for him.”

“Hmm, yes,”Dex3PO replied, not really listening. “You remind me a lot of Master Xavier, you know? Are you sure you’re not his father?”

AprilD2 made some irritated bleeping noises.

“Well, yes, I know about Darth Palmer being his father but does this make any less sense?”

“Two droids to see you, your magnificence!”Dennis Fortuna announced loudly.

Dex3PO saw Harvey the Hutt sitting on his throne, gorging himself on fish. “What do they want?” Harvey demanded.

Dex3PO stepped forward and tried to look impressive. “I am Dex3PO, your omnipotence! We seek news of the whereabouts of Romeo Solo.”

Harvey the Hutt nodded towards the wall where Romeo Solo was hanging, encased in carbon, his mouth frozen in mid-scream.

Dex3PO nodded nervously. “Yep. That’s him. We bring a message from the Jedi Knight Xavier Skywalker.” There was a long pause. “AprilD2. Show his globosity the message from Master Xavier.”

AprilD2 projected a hologram of Xavier Skywalker. “Greetings, Harvey the Hutt,”the hologram announced. “I seek the release of my friend Romeo Solo. As a sign of my good faith, I give you these two droids as a gift.”

The hologram disappeared. Dex3PO looked hard at the spot where it had been. “Oh heck.”

Dex3PO had taken his place at Harvey the Hutt’s side as directed and was feeding him more fish. It was an arduous job but at least the rest of Harvey’s entourage were ignoring him. Apart from one guard, who kept trying to attract his attention. She looked oddly like Sasha Calrissian but Dex3PO was sure that was just a trick of the light.

Dennis Fortuna returned. “I present the bounty hunter Boushh.”

The armoured figure of the bounty hunter followed him in with a manacled prisoner: Liambacca. “I bring you Captain Romeo’s co-pilot, your voluminousness,”she announced. “I claim the bounty for his capture.”

“Oh no!”Dex3PO exclaimed helplessly. “Oh, my handsome musician friend, whatever will become of you?”

Liambacca looked even less happy to be there than he had before.

“This isn’t fair,”Minka Fett, the bounty hunter who had captured Romeo Solo, protested. “There’s only room for one awesome armoured girl bounty hunter in this palace!”

“Don’t fight over me, girls,”Harvey replied. “Unless you really want to. You may both stay and eat fish. And someone take the musician to the dungeons.”

That night, when Harvey and the rest of the palace were asleep, Boushh crept stealthily over to the wall where Romeo was hanging. She worked a control and the carbon melted. Free at last, Romeo fell out.

“Ow!”he complained. “That was the worst sleep ever. And why can’t I see anything?”

“It’s a temporary effect of the carbon freeze,”Boushh replied. “It’ll pass soon.”

“Who are you?”

Boushh removed her helmet to reveal Princess Indigo. She kissed Romeo softly on the lips.

Romeo stared at her, unseeing. “Xavier?”

“We need to get out of here so I’ll let that pass.” Indigo helped him to his feet. “Oh no. You are so lucky you’re blind.”

“Why is that?”

“Do you want to see Harvey the Hutt and twenty ugly aliens standing between us and the exit?”


“That’s why.”

“It seems you were right to be suspicious of our new friend, Mink,”Harvey commented. “Take Captain Romeo to the dungeons to join his musician friend. And find the princess something more comfortable to wear. Now it can be her turn to feed me with fish. New girl, you sort it.”

Sasha took hold of Indigo roughly enough to look convincing. “Now I’ll make you wish you’d let me borrow your clothes,”she said quietly.

“Don’t lose yourself in the part.”

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Chapter 2

“Hey, Hey go easy will you? Your mess up my pretty boy looks moaned a blind Romeo Solo, as a very proud and smug Minka Fett pushes and prods him roughly to the dungeons.

“Oh I’m sooo going to be the most famous and rich surfer turned bounty hunter girl, after Harvey the Hutt pays me my cut I so deserve it too.” Minka Fett says with a note of ultimate pride in her voice.

Why’s do you deserve such good fortune and fame? Because it very much can’t be for your manners. You just made me bang on my head on a rock solid piece of stone wall. I am quite blind here you know? You do know that don’t you?”

Minka Fett laughs.

“Oh quit it with all your high and mightily stuff please. Your spoiling our nice little bonding moment, you never know in another life we quite of been brother and sister.” Minka Fett says feeling a touch of sudden sadness, deep down she had wished for a brother just like Romeo Solo.

“Oh please don’t that would truly be awful” Romeo says.

“You can insult me all you like, but I will be the one laughing when I buy my new surf boards with my cut from Harvey the Hutt for your capture.”

“Oh it’s a shame I won’t be there to see you fall off your soooooooooooo expensive broad don’t…….”

“Shut it” Minka Fett and Romeo both listen as the most painful and agonizing sound floats through the air towards them.

“What in the sweet galaxy is that sound? Its making my head feel like it’s going to explode.” Minka Fett says clutching both her hands to her helmet and staggering over to one of the cold damp stone walls.

Romeo Solo manages to remove his hands away from his ears long enough to shout over to her.




Minka Fett then dives forwards grabbing Romeo. As she does it makes him yelp out in shock.


Minka Fett gives Liambacca a quick glare from the other side of his cell before hurling Romeo inside. A blind and slightly dazed and confused Romeo finds himself falling forward to surely what will be a hard and unforgiving stony floor. But to his great relief and comfort instead of face planting something hard and unpleasant he is meet with a soft and rather fluffy landing.

Minka Fett laughs from the other side of the bars.

“You better get off him Captain, he could have fleas.” then Minka Frett dashes away as fast as her feet would allow her.

It takes Romeo a while to realise what the soft fluffy and rather snuggly thing he had landed on was, but after giving Liambacca a quick touch up and a nibble twister he soon worked it out, curtsey of a loud roar of pain from Liambacca.

“Oh Liambacca it’s you my old friend thank the Jedi. I think you sacred that bounty hunter off with your singing.” Romeo laughs his laughter is meet with growl of anger from the hairy musician.

“Hey I’m sorry, what’s that Laimbacca? You have something in the works really? But how you don’t have any paper down here.”

Laimbacca makes a knocking sound on the stone wall of the dungeon.

“You carved the lyrics into the stone, but why are you song writing at a time like this?”

Liambacca answered this in a series of grunts and growls.

“Oh you thought you would write a song for AprilD2’s friend BinicaD7 in case you meet her someday. Plus it passes the time while we wait for Xavier to come rescue us

Laimbacca nods sounding to Romeo very proud at the work he had been doing.

“Well let’s hear it but Liam please use your softer sounding voice.”

Liambacca then starts to sing his lyrics of his new song entitled Fur Ball And Away, which was dedicated to BanicaD7 and would surely start to melt her bolts when and if she heard it.

You know we belong together,

you and I forever and ever.

No matter where you are,

you're my guiding star.

And from the very first moment I saw you

there was such emotion

I'm walking on air,

just to know (Just to know)

You are there (You are there)


Hold me in your arms

Don't let me go

I want to stay forever

Romeo sighs as Laimbacca singing comes to a end.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that was a nice song Laimbacca Captain Romeo Solo says sleepily. As he closes his eyes and snuggles down into Liambacca’s soft fur for a sleep what better way was there to use the time while he waited for Xavier Skywalker to grace them with his presence.

Meanwhile Harvey the Hutt was enjoying his tasty fish as well as other great delights.

“I hope it’s the fish I’m holding in my hand that you are eyeing up so excitedly.”

Harvey the Hutt seems to be lost in a dreamlike state to ear her. So Indi being the princess she was raised to be, expresses her anger in the only way she knew how too and has a hissy fit. Harvey the Hutt is hit in the chops by a flying fish which has just been flung extremely hard by a outraged Princess.


Harvey the Hutt laughs softy.

“Why of course it’s not just the fish my lovely. I am a male there for my eyes are partial for the odd wander, when other delights are on offer.” Harvey the Hutt then laughs as Indi gives him a quick backhand across his face.

“YOUR SUCH A SLIMEBALL HARVEY.” the Princess screams.

“Well that is besides the point my sexy and fishy Princess Harvey the Hut says as he points toward his big open mouth signalling it was time for it to be filled with more fish.

“I take my slimeball comment back.”

“Well thank you your highness.”


“Ah you’re a feisty one I like that. DENNIS GET THE DOOR I HEAR SOMEONE KNOCKING.” Dennis Fortuna quickly gives Harvey the Hutt a bow before dashing away to the door.

Peering at the hooded figure beyond the door somewhat confuses Dennis Fortuna.


“I must speak with Harvey the Hutt” the hooded figure says.

“What now his having his dinner.” Dennis Fortuna answers.

“You will take me to Harvey the Hutt now.”

“I will? Have you got the licence to see him?”


“Well I…. oh what the hell come in.”

“You serve your master well the hooded figure says as he takes a step inside.

As the hooded figure stands before Harvey the Hutt hoping to scare him with his menacing pose Harvey the Hutt looks back at him and let’s out a belly laugh.

“Who is this Dennis?”

“Why it’s Master Xavier of course his come to rescue me at last.” Dex3PO says rather excitedly. Xavier sighs lightly as he throws his hood back and then shouts with a rather sheepish looking grin.

SURPRISE, now listen to me Harvey you will bring Romeo Solo and the musician to me.” the last part of Xavier’s order is meet with a bark of laughter from Minka Fett.

“Trust me that fur ball is no musician.”

Xavier starts to pace trying his best to play the hard man.

“Well never the less I will be taking them with me you can either profit from this or be destroyed.”

Harvey the Hutt let’s out a boom of laughter.

“Well?” Xavier asks as he continues to pace.

“Er Master Xavier watch where you are walking please.” Dex3PO says having just spotted the giant hole that Xavier was walking towards.

“Dex please do not worry everything will be just……FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”

“Oh I do believe he has just fell down my handy big gaping hole I so happen to have in my floor.” Harvey the Hutt says letting out another belly laugh.

“Oh my Master Xavier are you alright?” Dex3PO asks feeling overwhelmed with panic.

“Oh don’t worry his only down there with some of my leftover chocolate mud cake.” Harvey the Hutt then smiles a most evil cocky looking grin, which makes Dex3PO, AprilD2 and Indi to shudder backwards ever so slightly with fear.

“That’s alive” Harvey the Hutt laughs Princess Indigo frowns.

“Why and how is there a piece of alive chocolate mud cake down there with him?” Indi asks.

Harvey the Hutt shrugs.

“I don’t know it just suits the plot I guess.”

Meanwhile deep down in the dark hole Xavier Skywalker could smell the sweet aroma’s of mouth watering chocolate as the chocolate mud cake monster approached.

Xavier turned quickly as he felt big drops of chocolate drop onto his head.

“Oh no way am I going to be death by chocolate Xavier says as he lights a handy piece of wood which just happened to be laying there as was the lucky match. Xavier chucks the wooden plank at the chocolate monster and watches it melt. This makes Harvey the Hutt very angry as he can hear the wails of his beloved monster from the depths far below.

Xavier meanwhile has found a secret passageway back into the room.

“Dude is that all you have to frighten me with?” Xavier laughs.

It is at this point that Romeo and Laimbacca are led into the room by Minka Fett

“No it’s not I have some other plans up my sleeve for all you, young Skywalker along with your friends Romeo Solo and Liambacca.” Harvey the Hutt lets out yet another belly laugh.

Hope you liked it.

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I hope the Force is with me with this one !!!!!

Chapter 3 !!!

Harvey The Hutt “If you THINK you’re done playing with food, you’re soooooooooooooooo wrong !!!! Near here is a VERY big bowl of porridge that you will ALL be thrown into.”

Romeo Solo “That doesn’t sound so bad. I like porridge.”

Princess Indigo [shocked voice] ”Since when??? I tried to feed you some on the way to Cloudy City but you said you hated it.”

Romeo Solo [as softly as he can] “Was trying to get Harvey to choose a DIFFERENT punishment, and besides, porridge isn’t THAT bad …… I guess.”

Xavier Skywalker “Suggestion that you two STOP acting like a married couple already. I soooooooooo haven’t giving up on “scoring” with the Princess just yet.”

Harvey the Hutt [after one of his infamous belly laughs] “All this ‘ship talk is in vain. The porridge I’M taking bout is like quicksand, and it will suffocate you ……but only AFTER you’ve suffered a LONG, long time.”

Xavier Skywalker “I think we should pass on this and besides, Harvey, let us go or DIE”.


Soon after, Harvey the Hutt is aboard his luxury sail barge ….with the likes of his prisoner Princess Indigo – who can’t help but think that although she hates being Harvey’s prisoner, the metal bikini look is quite fetching and somehow familiar ….like maybe she wore this kinda thing quite oft in a past life. Dex 3PO and April D2 are there too, with 3PO being a “tad” surprised by how, even for her, upbeat AprilD2 is.

Nearby, there’s 2 smaller craft above the BIG bowl of deadly porridge!!!! Aboard one of the small craft are Xavier Skywalker, the still quite carbon freeze affected Romeo Solo, Liambacca, the disguised Sasha Calrissian, another [separate to Xavier & co] prisoner and various guards. Mink Fett, on the 2nd smaller craft, is keeping a close eye on proceedings ….as despite the lack of Jet Li, Romeo Must Die.

Harvey the Hutt decides the porridge should have an entrée before the main course of Xavier Skywalker et al, so the guards throw the non our hero prisoner into the porridge. The female prisoner’s dive into the porridge was quite, well, boring & basic ……………so as well as said prisoner’s impending death, her dive scored VERY lowly with the judges on Harvey the Hutt’s barge [with the Naboo judge giving her an exceptionally low score].

As the guards prod Xavier Skywalker to get him onto the diving platform, AprilD2 gets into position on the side of Harvey the Hutt’s sail barge. Xavier Skywalker nods to his faithful droid, and Xavier uses the FORCE to perform an AMAZING reverse dive like thing that Greg Louganis would soooooooooooooooooooo be in AWE of !!!!!

Xavier does a reverse triple back flip and lands back on the deck of the smaller craft that he & his comrades are on. As he lands, he grabs hold of the lightsabre that AprilD2 launched in his direction. Xavier activates the BEYOND AWESOME green “blade”!!!!!!!! …..and starts attacking Harvey the Hutt’s evil minions. He also can sense the judges scores on his dive ….. TOP marks from most of the judges, especially the Twil’lek official !!!! ……….but Xavier Skwalker is more interested right now in saving his friends and besting the baddies.

Some of Harvey’s men on the sail barge fire at the small craft ….. knocking Sasha off ……a tentacle emerges from the hungry porridge. Sasha yells out anyone who will hear her that she is in danger. Romeo Solo & Liambacca hear her. A porridge tentacle grabs hold of Sasha. She SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAMS …..but then she’s VERY worried when Romeo Solo points a blaster in her direction …………

Sasha Calrissian [worried & loud voice] “Higher. A little higher.”

The kinda blind Romeo Solo fires the blaster ……he almost gives Sasha a haircut BUT his shot IS a SUCCESS, as the tentacle lets go. Meanwhile, Xavier Skywalker is using his lightsabre to defeat the enemy, but Mink Fett has young Skywalker well and truly is her lights …..Indeed, she’s in position about to fire a poison dart at Xavier when Romeo Solo punches Mink Fett in the face. Mink falls to the floor of the small craft!!!! but she does so BEYOND the wrong way though …..her jetpack is activated and she flies out of control into the side of the sail barge ……and then into the big bowl of EVIL porridge !!!! The judges give her an even lower score than the 1st prisoner to be “thrown” into the pit today!!!!!!

Xavier gets to the deck of the main sail barge, jumping from the lesser craft, whilst Princess Indigo has used the chaos of the prisoners AMAZING escape. After initially trying to “go with the flow” and use her UBER sexiness to her advantage without success, the Princess uses BRUTE force instead …….. strangling the evil slimy criminal !!!!!!

All of Harvey the Hutt’s guards etc are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo relieved that Princess Indigo has killed their evil boss ……..so they give Xavier & co a ride to where their ships are “parked”!!!!!


Soon after, whilst Romeo, Liambacca, Indigo, Sasha & Dex3PO travel to the Rebel rendezvous point in the Blaxlandium Falcon, Xavier Skywalker & AprilD2 make their way to Swampy Bay – where Xavier visits an old friend. With AprilD2 guarding their X Wing, Xavier Skywalker is SHOCKED when he enters Rabbit’s abode ……

Xavier Skywalker “Master Rabbit, you …..you look soo …… YOUNG !!!!!!”

Rabbit “Age in reverse, my species does.”

Xavier Skywalker “But that’s illogical.”

Rabbit “The wrong franchise you speak of.”

Xavier Skywalker “Why are you now sooooooooooooo much younger than you were when I saw you last? It’s like you’re now like a 6 year old from my species ….and getting smaller and younger as I speak.”

Rabbit “Almost up my time is.”

Xavier Skywalker “But Master Rabbit, you CAN’T die.”

Rabbit [as like a 3yo] “I’m not THAT strong with the Force.”

Xavier Skywalker “Hey, how come you didn’t speak in that intriguing way you usually do???”

Rabbit “You expect THAT level of sophistication from a 3 year old ??? I soooooo don’t want to be re-incarnated as your kid!!!!”

Xavier Skywalker “Before you go, I HAVE to know …….is Darth Palmer my father?”

Rabbit [bordering on like a normal 2yo] “Goo goo gaa gaa [Xavier looks REALLY worried] Just kidding. Yep. He’s your daddy. [Xavier looks SHOCKED]. Now, I’m gonna have a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig nap, but before I do [Rabbit de-ages further] More family…..[de-ages further] you have!!!!”

Moments later, Rabbit gets soooooooooooooooo small that she completely disappears …… her life cycle is OVER !!!!

Xavier heads back outside into the rainy weather. He sees AprilD2 tending to their ship, just before he sees the ghost of Obi Miles!!!!!!


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  • 1 month later...

Hey it's a welcome return for this fic we seemed to have lost the force for a while there but now we are back.

Hope you like this next chapter. :unsure:

Chapter 4

We will leave Master Xavier Skywalker there for a moment, while he yet again as a happy reunion with his mentor Obi-Miles Kebio, because things have somewhat got tense and very stressful for our evil villains of the darkside. Because in a few moments they will be paid a visit from the all and mightily evil Emperor Alfatine. Darth Palmer is therefore moving asgmost his Rivertroopers (quite nosily it has to be said because of his heavy breathing problem) checking they all look presentable.


Rivertroopper, “Sorry Lord Palmer.


A Rivertroopper standing further down the line of the long line of Rivertroppers starts to giggle.


The Rivertroopper continues to giggle.

Darth Palmer, “I AM WARNING YOU.”

The gigging Rivertroopper, “I’m sorry I just have this nervous laugh thing when I get sacred.”

Darth Palmer sighs before sweeping over to the nervous laughing trooper.

The Rivertroopper gulps at seeing the frightening sight of Darth Palmer up so close. Oh my how shiny your black helmet is Darth Palmer I can see my prettified face in it thinks the Rivertrooper as Darth Palmer stands before him.

Rivertrooper, “I’m so sorry for my gigging Lord Palmer it’s just that Emperor Alfatine scares the jeepers out of me.”

Darth Palmer, “As he does to all of us young trooper but do not let him sense your fear of him, it will only provoke him even more to scarce you.”

Darth Palmer holds his palm of one of his black gloved hands out to the Rivertrooper standing next in line to the nervous laughing trooper.


Sighing the trooper opens a small slot at the front of his white helmet and spits the chewing gum into Darth Palmer’s hand. Then Darth Palmer turns and sweeps away.

Darth Palmer, “Are you all ready for this?”

The lines and lines of Rivertroopers mumble back that they are. Darth Palmer struggles down into a bowing position.

Darth Palmer, “My poor knees not to mention my back. Ok everyone let’s get this over with.”

Silence fills the space station well it would have been silent if not for Palmer’s heavy breathing. Emperor Alfatine enters slowly casting beadily eyes over Darth Palmer.

Palmer keeps his head bowed down as Emperor Alfatine’s footsteps draw closer. Darth Palmer is too nervous to look up as the footsteps come to abrupt stop to be replaced by a voice which sends chills down Palmer’s back.

Emperor Alfatine, “Rise you great galah.”

Darth Palmer quickly rises.

Emperor Alfatine, “Take a flaming walk with me Palmer.”

Darth Palmer runs to catch up with Emperor Alfatine as he starts to walk away.

Emperor Alfatine, “You sound very flaming unfit Palmer we are only walking at a gentle pace here.”

Darth Palmer, “Errrr yes I do have trouble catching my breath sometimes, but General Heath gives me some pills to help me with it.”

Emperor Alfatine, “Well their not flaming working are they?”

Darth Palmer quickly changes the subject.

Darth Palmer, “The Death Star will be competed on schedule.”

Emperor Alfatine, “Ah you have done well Lord Palmer, and now I sense you wish to continue your search for that great galah Xavier Skywalker?”

Darth Palmer, “Yes my master.”

Emperor Alfatine, “Patience my breathless friend. He will seek you out and when he does, you are to bring him before me. He has grown flaming strong, only together can we turn him to the darkside of the force.”

Emperor Alfatine and Darth Palmer start to laugh their most evil sounding laughs. Emperor Alfatine turns casually to face Darth Palmer cutting him off mid laugh.

Emperor Alfatine, “Stone the flaming crows, did I say you could laugh Palmer?”

Darth Palmer, “I didn’t know I needed your permission.”

Emperor Alfatine, “Well you do so flaming shut up. I’m much better at it than you anyway.”

Darth Palmer, “Oh shut it you great galah.”

Emperor Alfatine, “Never call me a galah again.”

Darth Palmer, “Yes master.”

Xavier Skywalker is feeling right down in the dumps as he walks slowly with AprilD2 over to a blue glowing Obi Miles.

Obi Miles, “Why do you look so sad Xavier?”

Xavier, “Rabbit poor rabbit just died.”

Obi Miles, “Ah I see do not worry Rabbit will always be with you, I see her quite often myself.”

Xavier’s grief for Rabbit is quickly replaced by a state of confusion as he makes his way over to Obi Miles.

Xavier, “Why didn’t you tell me? You told me Palmer betrayed and murdered my father?”


Xavier, “Yes.”

Obi Miles, “Oh yes that’s right now I remember now your father was seduced.”

Xavier, “Oh fair play then who was he seduced by?”

Obi Miles, “Well if you would let me finish I was going to say seduced by the darkside.”

Xavier, “Oh so not so good then?”

Obi Miles, “No not so much John was once a dear friend.”

Xavier, “John who’s John?”

Obi Miles, “Well if you would just listen.”

Xavier, “I am we were talking about Darth Palmer a second ago, and now you are talking about some random guy called John.”

Obi Miles fixes Skywalker with a stern gaze before continuing.

Obi Miles, “He creased to be the man I knew.”

Obi Miles catches Xavier looking very confused and sighs.

Xavier, “Who ceased to be the man you knew?”

Obi Miles, “My friend John.”

Xavier, “Who is this John guy you speak of?”

Obi Miles, “Oh Xavier keep up John Palmer is your father.”

Xavier, “But I thought Darth Palmer was my father?”

Obi Miles, “He is John Palmer and Darth Palmer are one of the same.” Obi Miles finishes rolling his eyes.

Xavier, “Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I get you now.”

Obi Miles, “Thank the galaxies. Once the darkside took hold over, the good man who was your father was destroyed.”

Xavier clinging on to some hope asks the most stupid question in the whole wide galaxy.

Xavier, “But Miles there’s still some good left in him isn’t there?”

Obi Miles can’t help but burst out laughing. Xavier watches as his old mentor rocks backwards and forwards as he slaps his legs with laughter.

Obi Miles, “Oh Xavier you are a naive one. No oh no Darth Palmer is too twisted with evil now so don’t expect to get any father and son bonding time with him.”

Xavier, “I can’t do this Miles it’s even harder than the HSC.”

Obi Miles’s face comes within aches of Xavier. Xavier starts to laugh at the intensely in Miles eyes.

“You can not escape your………….” Miles stops to scratch his head in confusion.

Obi Miles, “Now what was it you can’t escape from? For the life of me I can’t remember.”

Xavier, “I’m going take a stab in the dark here but would it be I can not escape my destiny?”

Obi Miles shrugs his shoulders.

Obi Miles, “No idea but let’s just roll with it, it sounds good.”

Xavier, “Ok cool.”

Obi Miles coughs as he composes himself once more to give Xavier the all important memorable statement.

Obi Miles, “Xavier do stop laughing this is a very important quote of the story.”

Xavier, “Ok I’m sorry.”

Obi Miles, “Are you ready?”

Xavier, “Ready”

Obi Miles, “You can not escape your destiny you must face……..”

Obi Miles stops looking confused.

Xavier, “Darth Palmer by any chance?”

Obi Miles, “Oh yes You must face Darth Palmer again.”

Xavier, “Very good so it goes I can’t escape my destiny I must face Darth Palmer again?”

Obi Miles, “Yes I’m glad you understand.”

Xavier, “Oh I do but….”

Obi Miles, “But? But what?”

Xavier, “I can’t kill my own father.”

Obi Miles groans loudly as he stares at Xavier who is shaking his head.

Obi Miles, “Then the Emperor has all ready won. You Xavier Skywalker was our last hope.”

Xavier, “Jezz way to guilt trip me.”

Obi Miles looks at Xavier who is suddenly sitting slumped looking sad.

Obi Miles, “Xavier what is it?”

Xavier, “Rabbit spoke of another Skywalker maybe they could defeat Palmer?”

Obi Miles, “Oh Rabbit that troublesome girl, the other she spoke of was that of your twin sister.”

Xavier, “Oh nice try Miles but I have no twin sister.”

Obi Miles, “Oh but you do for your own safely you were hidden away from your sister at birth for protection from the emperor.”

Xavier, “Who is she?”

Obi Miles, “That my young Jedi is secret your sister remains anonymous. Go on try and guess I bet you won’t though you can only have the one guess too.”

Xavier, “Ok then.”

Obi Miles, “Who is your twin sister then?”

Xavier thinks, he is slightly worried when his mind doesn’t seem to want to cast itself away from all warnings of being careful of blonde people, and of all the blonde encounters he had found himself in as this story has progressed.

Xavier, “Oh no please no.”

Obi Miles, “What?”

Xavier, “Is it Indi?”

Obi Miles looks taken back at how easily and quickly he had guessed.

Obi Miles, “Oh how on earth did you do that?”

Xavier, “Oh no Indi is my sister?”

Obi Miles nods.

Xavier, “But I find her so hot and sexy.”

Obi Miles, “Well I should stop thinking of your sister in that way Xavier.”

Xavier, “Indi’s my sister noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

Back with the rebellion Romeo Solo goes over to a very surprised looking Sasha Calrissian.

Romeo Solo, “Well you look pleased with yourself.”

Sasha Calrissian, “ I have been made a general.”

Romeo Solo, “Oh not fair why didn’t I get asked to be a general?”

Sasha Calrissian, “Well there is a nasty rumour going around that you would end up quitting if the job got to difficult.”

Romeo Solo, “Well that is very rude, but also very true. Well done Sash you are the right person for the post after all.”

A loud sounding wolf whistle comes from Liambaccia which cause Romeo Solo and Sasha Calrissian to look round.

General Elijah Johnsonna, “Come sit I would like to introduce you all to our new fleet command teacher Henri" Brown. She will take you through the plans of attack on Darth Palmer’s new death star.

Casey Antilles, “Wooooooooooooooooooooo she can teach me a thing or two.”

Commander Henri Brown stands before the rebels fluttering her eyelashes, as well as making sure her long slender legs are on show for everyone one to gaze at in awe.

Princess Indi, “Oh boys put your tongues away please.”

Commander Henr Brown, “Now we have pinpointed the exact location of the new Death Star.”

Romeo Solo, “That is one sexy voice.”

Liambacca nods in agreement.

Casey Antilles, “Oh I think I might very well be in love with a teacher.”

As Commander Henri Brown slowly floats forward like a angel while twirling her fingers through her long golden hair her sexy voice continues.

“The weapons on this new battlestar are not in working order.”

Liambacca lets out a yelp of shrill excitement which everyone laughs at.

Romeo Solo, “Oh Laimbacca says his weaponry works just fine.”

Henri giggles.

“You will travel to the planet Palmy Beachy Bay to knock out the Death Star’s defence shield, here ends our lesson who would like to stay behind after this class?”

Casey Antilles puts his hand high in the air.

Henri, “Oh hello handsome.”

General Elijah Johnsonna steps forwards putting a abrupt end to Henri’s flirting.

“Romeo is your strike team ready to go to the moon to deactivate the shield generator?

Romeo Solo, My strike team?”

General Elijah Johnsonna ,”Yes so off you go take Liambacca the young Princess here Dex3PO and…………..”

Xavier runs in rather breathless.

Xavier, “And me I will come.”

Xavier gulps as his new found blonde sister Princess Indi rushes forwards holding her arms out for a hug.

Indi, “Oh Xavier I have missed you.”

Xavier, I have missed you too sis.”

Indi pulls back. “What was that?”

Xavier, “Oh nothing I will tell you later.

Romeo Solo stands with Sasha looking worriedly at his beloved Blaxlandium Falcon.

Romeo Solo, “You promise you wont scratch her?”

Sasha, “Romeo your beloved ship of yours has so many scratches already I don’t think it will be possible to add any more it’s a rusty tin can.”

Romeo Solo, “Hey I am going to get round to fixing the scratches that are there already.”

Sasha, “When?”

Romeo shrugs.

Sasha, “Oh I see why do something today when you can put it off until tomorrow?”

Romeo, “Yeah, well good luck with your mission.”

Sasha, “Yeah you too.”

Romeo then gives his beloved Blaxlandium Falcon a very slow and painful stroke goodbye before running away heartbroken at the possibility of never seeing her again.

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Without further ado, here's the next chapter!


The small group of rebels clustered around the Imperial shuttle they were going to use to travel to Palmy Beachy Bay. AprilD2 bleeped a comment. “Well, I can’t say I’m looking forward to being in mortal peril and being shot at,”Dex3PO retorted. “I’d much rather stay here on the command ship.” He sidled closer to Liambacca. “Still, at least the cramped space in the shuttle means I’ll get to be close to my favourite musician.”

Liambacca grunted and spoke quietly to Romeo. “Make sure the droid gets a seat at the back.”

Princess Indigo placed a hand on Xavier’s arm. “Are you all right?”

“Don’t touch me,”Xavier said sharply.

“What? You usually like me touching you.”

“Yes but that was before it got all awkward and icky and… Ooh, look, shiny!” Xavier desperately tried to distract her attention from subjects like low to medium level incest.

“Hey, look, everyone,”Romeo noted. “Here comes the supreme leader of the rebellion, Roo Mothma, to wave us off.”

Roo Mothma came over to them and they all waited with baited breath for her words of wisdom and encouragement. “Good luck, everyone,”she said.

They waited for her to go on. And waited. And waited. “Thanks,”Romeo said at last.

Roo looked at Xavier. “I’m glad you’re going on this mission, Xavier Skywalker. And don’t worry, I understand awkward revelations about who your father is. I remember when your mother and I first started the rebellion…”

Xavier gaped at her. “Wait! You knew my mother? And you’ve never mentioned this before? Who was she? What was her name? What happened to her?”

“Yeah, come on, everyone aboard,”Romeo interrupted, dragging Xavier towards the ramp.

“But this is important back story!”

“Yeah, no-one cares. You can find it out in a decade or two.”

Darth Palmer swept majestically into the Death Star control room where Moff Stu was overseeing the technicians. “There is an Imperial shuttle approaching Palmy Beachy Bay and requesting permission to land,”Palmer noted.

“Well, yes, Lord Palmer. How did you know that?”

“Those of us who are strong with the force see and hear much, Commander. Plus I looked out the window. And the force tells me that that shuttle’s crew are a fake.”

“Well, yeah, obviously,”Moff Stu agreed. “They’re transmitting clearance code 223E. Suckers obviously don’t know we’ve switched to code 223F.” He chuckled to himself at the rebels’ stupidity. Palmer remained silent. “Well, I thought it was funny. So should I use the Death Star to blast the shuttle to tiny pieces?”

“No. Allow them to land.”

“But, Lord Palmer…”

“The force tells me that Xavier Skywalker is onboard that shuttle. And I look forward to meeting him again. That would be difficult if he were blasted to tiny pieces.”

Xavier was sitting at the rear of the shuttle when he heard Darth Palmer’s voice in his head. “Just you wait ’till I get you home, boy.”

Xavier gulped hard. “Oh f…”

“Told you!”Romeo called out loudly. “Full clearance to land on Palmy Beachy Bay. Was that a brilliant plan or not?”

Princess Indigo looked back at her unknown brother. “What was that, Xavier? I thought you were going to say something.”

“Nope,”Xavier squeaked. “Nothing important.”

The shuttle came into land in a clearing of the forests of Palmy Beachy Bay and the rebel group disembarked. “Perfect landing,”Romeo boasted. “No-one saw us whatsoever.”

“Rebels! Get them!”shouted the group of Rivertroopers who had just emerged from behind a tree nearby.

Romeo sighed. “Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.”

The two groups crouched in the bushes and exchanged fire. Most of the Rivertroopers were taken out in the first salvo. Two of them suddenly seemed to remember that they never hit anyone and decided to run, jumping onto speeder bikes and shooting off into the forest.

“We can’t let them warn anyone!”Xavier realised. “Come on, sis!” He saw Indigo looking at him in confusion. “Er…cissy! Last one to catch them’s a cissy!”

Xavier and Indigo jumped onto two more speeder bikes and headed off after the two Rivertroopers, taking potshots at them with their weapons. “I’ll take the one on the right,”Xavier decided.

“Then why are you going after the one on the left?”Indigo asked him.

“Because I can’t remember which is which!”

Indigo swooped down on her target. She blew his speeder bike away from under him. She gave a cheer of victory…and flew right into a tree.

Xavier rolled his eyes. “Women drivers,”he complained. Just before he flew into a tree as well.

Xavier jumped to his feet and saw the Rivertrooper he’d been chasing had turned and was flying right at him. He drew his lightsabre and felt the force. The Rivertrooper fired at him and Xavier used the lightsabre to knock the blast straight back at him, burning a hole in the Rivertrooper’s chest.

“Just when I get a shot on target,”the Rivertrooper complained as he toppled off his bike.

Indigo slowly came round, rubbing her head. She noticed a pair of feet just in front of her vision and looked up. There was a small boy wearing a leather jerkin and carrying a spear looking down at her. “Are you lost?”he asked.

Indigo scrambled to her feet, brushing herself down as best she could. “No, no. Not lost,”she answered. “I just don’t know where I am. Or where my friends are. Who are you?”

“VJ Ewok. I live in this forest. We don’t get many pretty ladies here.”

Indigo blushed. “Oh, thank you, VJ.” She looked at him closely. “You’ve got kind of…sandy coloured hair. I like boys with sandy coloured hair.”

“If I might interrupt?!” Indigo spun round at the voice and saw the Rivertrooper she had shot off his bike earlier stomping towards her, gun raised. “I’ve got you now, princess,”he snarled. “You’ll pay for scratching my bike.”

“Actually, I think I kind of wrecked it.”

“Even worse! Have you any idea how much the insurance costs?”

As he got close to them, VJ stamped on his foot. The Rivertrooper yelled in pain and began hopping around, holding his injured foot.

Indigo sighed and shot him.

“Cool.” VJ took her hand. “Come on. I want to show you to all my friends. They’re going to be so jealous.”

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  • 1 month later...

Sorry for taking SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long everyone. There’s a MILLION things going on in my life right now ESPECIALLY that Di is here in Oz staying with me.

Chapter 6 !!!

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest on Palmy Beachy Bay, Xavier, Romeo & their colleagues find the wrecks of several speeder bikes. Whilst they examine the wreckage, Liambacca quickly runs away from the group. When the others catch up to him, they see that Liambacca is next to a tree with part of a freshly dead animal on it …..

Romeo Solo [sarcastically] “Always thinking with your stomach …… “

Xavier Skywalker [cutting in] “Or have you got a BIG case of the munchies??? [annoyed look from Liambacca] Yeah, Romeo told me about your past, rock star. [Xavier sees Liambacca’s reach for the dead animal] No, wai ……..”

Before Xavier is able to finish, himself, Romeo, Liambacca, AprilD2 and Dex3PO are stuck in a BIG rope net. They got there cos the dead animal was a trap, but set but whom ???

Xavier is keen for Romeo to reach is lightsabre, AprilD2 has another solution. She starts sing her cutting saw – one the many devices in her arsenal. Dex3PO sees this, but isn’t so keen for her to continue – cos of the likely consequences ……….which happens soon after.

Our heroes fall to the ground – as AprilD2 has cut through enough ropes to allow the group to go free. Trouble is that they are several meters above the ground, and it’s a HUGE crash to the forest floor.

When most of our heroes have got their bearings once more, they see lots of, like, mini Liambaccas – but the mini versions of the musician have ancient weapons pointed at them …….

Romeo Solo “Just what I needed right now. A reminder of Britney Spears. Musicians have caused me enough trouble today.”

The mini Liambaccas try to take everyone’s weapons, and although Romeo is keen to keep his, Xavier insists that it should be OK that they do so …..and moments later, Dex3PO “awakes”, which results in a curious reactions for the mini Liambaccas. They start bowing in his presence. After 3PO starts talking to the short hairy creatures …..

Xavier Skywalker “What’s going on, 3PO?”

Dex3PO “It’s the strangest thing. These creatures look so ………..”

Romeo Solo [sternly] “BEYOND primitive are the words you’re after.”

Dex3PO “But on the contrary, Captain Solo, they’ve just asked my opinion of the iPad3000 !!!! [after AprilD2 asks him a question in her usual beeps & chirps] It seems that despite their appearance, and their ancient trap, that these EWOKS, that’s what the race is called, are rather tech savvy …..but they keep that from foreigners as they don’t want to appear too geeky. I TOTALLY get that.”

Romeo Solo “So, why were they taking our weapons off us?”

Dex3PO “They don’t get many people visiting their planet, so ANY new tech is muchly appreciated. [one of the Ewoks speaks] They insist that will give the weapons back. Just wanted to scope out what the galaxy now has to offer. They’re especially interested in your lightsabre, Master Skywalker. They’ve not seen the weapon of a Jedi is soooooooooooooooo long. Indeed, one of the most famous Ewoks EVER was trained in the ways of the Force by Master Rabbit ....before the dark times, before the Empire.”

Xavier Skywalker “So ...are they gonna help us?”

Dex3PO [after asking the leader of the Ewoks, Chief Lottie, that question] “Yes, they certainly are. They HATE the Empire for coming to their planet and trashing it – despite the new technology they have brought with them. [Chief Lottie makes another comment] You know, Chief Lottie, despite the ancient dialect you’re using, you sound JUST like Mistress Indi. [pause] Master Skywalker, the Ewoks are going to take us to their camp, so we can all form an attack plan to get all these Imperials off the world.”


Soon after, Chief Lottie & the other Ewoks return to their village with our heroes, where they spot a familiar face .....

Dex3PO [excitedly] “Mistress Indi, you’re alive.”

Xavier Skywalker “I second that.”

Romeo Solo “And I third it.”

Princess Indi “Isn’t it great that these little fur balls are on our side AND that they don’t sing. Oh 3PO???”

Dex3PO “Yes, Mistress?”

Princess Indigo “I’ve seen these creatures’ great clothes making abilities first hand. I wonder if you ask them to make me a fur bikini. I just LOOOOOOOOOOVE bikinis these days. Harvey the Hutt was EVIL, but I like him for introducing me to bikinis.”

Dex3PO “That’s a rather .....intriguing request, but i’ll pass it on to Chief Lottie – who is beside me. She is the leader of this species. They called Ewoks, and DO have to say that they are all rather cute. Lottie especially. [AprilD2 beeps sarcastically] That sounded rather jealous, AprilD2.”


Not long after, the Rebels and the Ewoks talk tactics about destroying the shield generator. As soon as a battle strategy is set, a troubled Xavier Skywalker heads one of the tribe’s war room. Princess Indigo follows him .......

Princess Indigo “Xavier, something is troubling you – and i think it’s MUCH more than a possible love triangle tween 2 droids and an Ewok. What is it?”

Xavier Skywalker “Darth Palmer is here on this planet. I can sense him.”

Princess Indigo “That whole Jedi thing you’ve got going?”

Xavier Skywalker “Yes, but it’s not ONLY me. The force is VERY strong in my family. MY father was once a Jedi ......but now, he is .........[bIG deep breath] ......Darth Palmer !!!!!”


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Wow, cool poster, JT!I have to admit it took me a long time staring at it to notice the Falcon.So, what can I do in response?Post the next chapter, of course!


“Darth Palmer is your father?!”Princess Indigo asked for the sixth time.

“Yep,”Xavier confirmed. “Can we try and move past that now?”

“Darth Palmer is your father?!” Indigo took a deep breath. “Are you sure about this? Have you had a DNA test done?”

“No, but a little girl dressed as a rabbit told me it was true.”

“Guess that settles it then. You know, if you made a paternity claim and asked for twenty years’ worth of birthday and Christmas presents, you could probably end up as emperor.”

Xavier shook his head. “That is not the Jedi way. Instead, I must face Darth Palmer again. Alone. It sucks but there it is.”

“But you’re the last of the Jedi, if something happens to you…”

“No, Indigo, there is another blonde.”

Indigo stared at him as if he’d suddenly started speaking a foreign language. “What?”

“You are my sister, Indigo, my twin sister.”

Indigo stared into his eyes in a vacant, far away manner. “I know. Somehow I’ve always known.”

Xavier blinked at her in confusion. “Even when we were making out that time?”

“I think that was my first clue. So hang on, if Darth Palmer’s your father and I’m your twin sister, does that mean he’s my father too?”

“Probably. I think someone was more bothered about the dramatic revelations than working out the family tree.” Xavier drew himself up straight. “I must go now and confront my destiny and bring balance to the Force. Make my excuses for me, will you? Tell Romeo and the others I’ve got a dentist’s appointment or my third grandmother’s died or something.”

Indigo nodded. “I’ll let them know.”

“Could we have a goodbye snog before I head off to my certain death?”

“Well, I would have done but then you told me you were my brother and it all got rather inappropriate.”

“Darn. Knew I should have kept that to myself.”

Xavier made his way steadily through the forests of Palmy Beachy Bay. Suddenly, two Rivertroopers stepped out in front of him. Xavier drew his lightsabre, then remembered what he was supposed to be doing and extinguished it. “You will take me to Darth Palmer,”he told them.

The two Rivertroopers looked at each other in confusion. “Yeah, we know,”said one. “You’re our prisoner. That’s what we do with prisoners.”

“I know. But I thought I’d try and look calm and in control by making out that it was my idea.”

The imposing armour-clad form of Darth Palmer was waiting for them at the local airport. He turned to the two Rivertroopers. “Make sure our flight back to the Death Star is ready for boarding. And don’t spend too much time in duty free.”

Father and son were left alone. Both of them shuffled awkwardly, unsure what to say. “Hey, Dad,” Xavier attempted at last.

Palmer nodded. “So, you accept the truth at last.”

“I accept that you are John Palmer, John Skywalker, Jedi Knight.”

“That is not who I am.”

Xavier stared at him. “What? All this soul searching and struggling to come to terms with it and you’re not my father after all?!”

“I didn’t mean it literally.”


“I mean that that person who used to hang out in bars with Obi-Miles is gone. I am now Darth Palmer, the Dark Lord of the Sith, heir to the Empire.”

“Okay. So, do you want to go and kick a ball around in the back yard or something? Get to know each other, have a bit of father/son bonding?”

“We can have as much father/son bonding as you like, after you embrace the Dark Side and consent to ruling the Empire at my side.”

“Never!”Xavier declared. “I’m a Jedi Knight, pure and blonde, I will never have anything to do with the Dark Side!”

“Nor will I ever have anything to do with the rebels. They would want me to swap my cool black armour for gold or white or something that doesn’t look as sinister.”

“Then you are not my father!”Xavier replied, stomping off in the direction of their flight. He paused at the door. “Um, almost not meant literally.”

“Yes, I got that.”

Early next morning, Romeo was drilling the Ewoks when he noticed Princess Indigo crossing the square. “Hey, Indi!”he called. “Do you know if Xavier’s up yet?”

“What do you mean?”Indi asked in a panicky voice. “It’s not my job to get him up. It’s not like we’re family or anything.”

Romeo stared at her in bemusement. “I just thought you might know where he is.”

“Oh. Right.” Indigo cleared her throat. “He’s gone off to confront Darth Palmer and have a battle to the death.”

Romeo rolled his eyes. “Typical! Trust him to be off having fun when there’s work to do. Ah well, I guess we’re going to have to do this without him.”

“What exactly is it we’re going to do?”

“Take our crack commando unit to destroy the Empire’s shield generator, of course.”

“What crack commando unit?”

Romeo nodded towards the Ewoks.

Indigo wondered if he’d taken leave of what few senses he possessed. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“What, a bunch of hairy geeks with rocks taking on a heavily armoured enemy with guns and giant attack vehicles? What could possibly go wrong?”

Indigo sighed. “Nothing. Nothing.”

“Liambacca, Chief Lottie, let’s go kick the Empire halfway across the galaxy!”

As the miniscule army began to file out, Dex3PO and AprilD2 watched stoically. “We’re going to die, aren’t we?”Dex3PO sighed in resignation.

AprilD2 gave a mournful bleep.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Here's my chapter I'm not that keen on it but see what you think. :D

Chapter 8

“OWWWWWWWWWWWWW” Romeo screams as his foot gets caught in a gaping pothole. The shock of it lunches him face first into a giant muddy puddle.

“Romeo we should of gone right at those crossroads we………”

“Yes, yes fine Princess you were right I was wrong you happy now?”

“No I would say I’m more annoyed than happy, not to mention tried hungry……”Princess Indigo says while looking slightly peeved with the fact that they had been walking round in endless circles for a least 3 hour now, While they seek out the location of the Empire’s shield generator.

“Princess would you mind turning that frown upside down just for a second? And give me a hand out of this muddy puddle please?”

Indi looks horrified at the prospect of helping a very muddy Romeo out of the mud. Was it just a ploy so the two of them could fool about together in the mud? Or did he really need help? Against her better judgement Princess Indigo decides to take the plunge, the plunge into the mud that is, she soon finds out within seconds of taking hold of Romeo’s outstretched hand she found that they were both giggling while having a muddy fun time.

This makes Liambacca very excited and he too starts to splash wildly about in the muddy water.

“Romeo please oh your tickling me, oh stop it” Indi screams with laughter.

With all the sounds of joy coming from them, they don’t hear Dex3PO and Chief Lottie and the rest of the Ewoks shuffle over to them.

AprilD2 trails slowly from behind feeling rather depressed of being left out of what looked like a very nerdy discussion between Dex3PO and Chief Lottie.

“Oh Romeo stop it please, STOP TRYING TO HAVE YOR WAY WITH ME.”

Dex3PO takes a glance towards Chief Lottie before alerting a rather muddy Romeo Solo and Princess Indigo of their presence.

“Sorry to disturb you captain but Chief Lottie has worked out why we seem lost in our search for the command bunker.” Before Romeo Solo can ask what the reason for this is there is a very sarcastic sounding beep, which causes everyone to take a look at a very jealous AprilD2.

Chief Lottie then goes ahead and tries her very best to explain why they hadn’t found the Empire’s shield generator. But she just finds that Romeo and Indi look up from the muddy puddle with looks of utter confusion.

“I’m sorry I didn’t understand a word of that ancient dialect” Romeo says.

Dex3PO sighs before going to Lottie’s aid.

“She said there is a cliché with our heat seeking sat nav. It’s just not picking up any heat source from the shield generator.”

Feeling rather defeated by hearing this news Romeo stumbles to his feet before he throws his hands above his head.

“Oh great well that’s it then, lets just go back home then let’s let the rebels know that this whole thing is off”

“Why would we do that?” Indi asks.

“Well Princess I am not normally a quitter at things but without the Sat Nav how on earth are we going to find the command bunker?”

Chief Lottie walks into the muddy clearing and simply pulls away some brushes, which are simply hiding the command bunker from view.

“Oh well all of you lot just forget all that talk of quitting” Romeo says before he goes to advance through the parted brushes.

“Captain Solo Lottie says there is a back way in” Dex3PO says giving Chief Lottie a proud and stroke of affection.

Abroad the Blaxlandium Falcon Sasha is awaiting instructions from General Irene.

“Ok darl are we ready?”

“Yes all the fighters are standing by” Sasha says.

“OK darl process with the countdown.”

Sasha gulps she just hoped that Romeo and the rest of them at Palmy Beachy Bay would have the shield down in time

“Now be careful girly I want you to go into hyper space” General Irene says through Sasha’s com. The Blaxlandium Falcon is that warped into hyper space.

Five Rivertroopers stood guard at the back door to the command bunker. Each of them look on the brink of falling sleep from boredom.

Meanwhile Princess Indi has gotten changed into her very fetching metal bikini that she has managed to keep hold of from their ordeal with Harvey the Hutt.

One of the Rivertrooper’s hear a rustle in the brushes. But instead of it being some kind of wildlife that as caused the rustle as he had first expected it would of been he sees a long and slender mouth watering leg presented itself.

The rest of the River troopers wake at the wolf whistles of the over excited River trooper as Indi walks slowly over to the group of them. The joys of excitement grow beyond belief as in turn Indi gives each of them a very slow and sexy lap dance.

Once all the River troopers were too turned on by her dance moves to notice Romeo and the others quickly sneak up to the back door of the command bunker, and make their way inside.

Xavier is overwhelm by the smell of sausages and burgers as he stands with Darth Palmer outside of Emperor Alfatine’s quarters.

“Mmmmmm that smells just yummy” Xavier says.

“This must mean that the Emperor is in a good mood my son. It would seem he is having a Barbie”

The automatic doors open to reveal Emperor Alfatine having a chew on a barbequed sausage, while he sits behind his barbie cooking some sizzling burgers.

“Ah young Skywalker would you care for a burger?” Emperor Alfatine asks.

“Er no thanks, hey if you think you can win me over to the darkside with a friendly barque you are very much mistaken” Xavier says stepping forwards.

“Flaming hell I was only trying to be friendly, but no matter over time you will come to call me Alfred.” Emperor Alfatine laughs which causes him to come close to choking on his sausage.

“I think you are mistaken about your claim I……”

“Oh no I think you will find you are the one who is mistaken about a great many things.”

Darth Palmer holds out Xavier’s lightsaber to Emperor Alfatine.

“Oh yes, well stone the flaming crows Xavier you wont be needing this any longer. You have no flaming choice but to join Johnny boy and I. JOIN THE DARKSIDE.”

“NEVER I WILL NOT DO IT” Xavier screams.

“It is pointless to resist my son” Darth Palmer says breathlessly.

“No it’s not my friends will be here……..”

“Ah those great galahs are heading right into my flaming trap you goose” Emperor Alfatine laughs.

“Everything is happening as I have foreseen, you might as well just admit defeat and have a sausage” Emperor Alfatine says holding out a burnt sausage in some the barque tongs to Xavier.

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  • 1 month later...

It’s taken quite a while, but I REALLY hope you all enjoy ……

Chapter 9 !!!

Meanwhile, on the planet of Palmy Beachy Bay, the Rebels are now inside the bunker – setting explosives so the shield generator will be destroyed and the Rebel fleet will be able to be destroy the Death Star, but Liambacca seems to have other things in his mind. He runs his hand tenderly down Princess Indi’s arm ……..

Princess Indi [shocked] “Liambacca, what ARE you doing???”

Romeo Solo [annoyed] “Yeah, Liambacca. She’s mine!!!!”

Princess Indi [surprised] “Hey, I’m NO-ONE’s right now.”

Romeo Solo, despite the mission, charges over to Liambacca and PUNCHES him, who returns fire. Princess Indi is SOOOOOO mostly annoyed that in the middle of a mission that they are fighting over her.

Princess Indi [sternly, loudly] “If you PLEASE, boys. We've got a MISSION to accomplish.”

Romeo Solo & Liambacca DO stop their scuffle ……but moments later, MORE trouble for the Rebels. MANY Imperials [both officers and River Troopers alike] enter the bunker. ALL are armed – with their weapons pointed at the Romeo Solo and his cohorts ……

Commander Danny Braxton “Freeze, you Rebel scum [walks over to Princess Indi and whispers] I’ve heard you’re loaded. I’ll allow you to escape, if you promise to give me 10 million space dollars!!!”

Princess Indi [shocked] “What ?!?!?!?!?”

Commander Danny [softly] “You heard me.”

On the Death Star, Emporer Alfatine senses that one of his officers is being VERY disloyal ……

Alfatine “Young Skywalker, you WILL become one of us OR suffer the same fate as a DISloyal officer of mine.”

Emporer Alfatine points to a nearby view screen ……on which Xavier Skywalker sees Alfatine uses the DARK SIDE to CHOKE Commander Danny Braxtin to DEATH!!!!!!!!!

Alfatine “Join us or suffer to same consequences.”

Xavier Skywalker “No way. I have RIGHT on my side. I WILL prevail.”

Back on the forest moon, depite the sudden death of Commander Braxton, the other Imperials STIL have Princess Indi and co captured. The Imperials take the Rebels out of the bunker, which AprilD2 [on a nearby ridge] sees. She beeps excitedly several times but gets NO response from Dex3PO. AprilD2 then actually LOOKS towards the nearby Dex3PO, who has his electronic tongue [so to speak] down Chief Lottie’s throat. AprilD2 can’t believe it ……so she uses one of the many tools in her arsenal – to SHOCK Chief Lottie with an electric charge. Lottie then screams and rushes away, muttering as she goes …..

Dex3PO “Well, APrilD2. I don’t NEED my extensive linguistic skills to work out ANY of work Chief Lottie just said. [AprilD2 beeps frantically] Don’t try to distract me from us talking out this. I’m with Lottie now. [AprilD2 beeps some more] WHAT !!!!! What did you say ????”

Dex3PO turns to look to his right – and actually sees Romeo Solo, Princess Indi & the other Rebels in the hands of the Imperials.

All of a sudden, many of the Imperials guarding the Rebels are felled by rocks & spears ……that were hurled at them by the Ewoks – especially Chief Lottie & 2 of her best warriors, VJ and Jett!!!!!!!

In the middle of the confusion, Princess Indi & the others are able to get free off the captors – and Romeo & Indi head for the shield generator, the rest of the Rebels take on the Imperials.


In space, the Sasha Calrissian led Rebel fleet drops out of hyper space close to Palmy Beachy Bay AND the DREADED Death Star and Sasha’s co-pilot Felix Numb voices his concerns ……

Felix Numb “The shield. Our sensors are being JAMMED.”

Sasha Calrissian “What do you mean??? How can it be that way?”

Felix Numb “Think they KNOW we are coming.”

Sasha Calrissian “ALL craft, this is Gold Leader. The shield is still UP.”

Casey Antilles “Are you sure, Gold Leader.”

One the rebel fighters SMASHES into the BIG impenetrable sliding glass door like shield. “

General Irene “I guess that answers THAT questions, darls.”

Roo Mothma [as all the other Rebel ships veer off to avoid the shield] “Oh God!!!! Enemy ships in sectors 9 & 10. “


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Managed to find some spare time this evening to hammer this out.Hope you like


General Irene, General Elijah and Roo Mothma were hunched nervously over the monitor screen on the rebels’ command ship when they were interrupted by a pointed “Ahem” behind them.

The trio turned round to find an imposing red-headed figure had entered the already crowded command deck. “Admiral Morag,”General Elijah greeted her. “To what do we owe the honour of your presence?”

“I just want to say one thing.” Admiral Morag drew herself up impressively. “It’s a trap!!!!”

There was a long silence. “That’s it?”Roo asked.

“Yes, that’s it. My token cameo. I’ll be in my office if you need me.” Admiral Morag left the deck.

General Irene sighed. “Right. That’s that. Someone call General Sasha.”

Sasha was sitting despondently at the controls of the Blaxlandinum Falcon when General Irene’s voice came over the intercom. “Well, love, we’ve got an impenetrable forcefield in front of us and an armada of Star Destroyers behind us. Current consensus is we should run for our lives. What do you think?”

“What? We can’t run now!”Sasha protested. “What about our people on Palmy Beachy Bay? They’re bound to get the forcefield down soon. I know Romeo won’t let us down.”

There was a long pause. “Let me get this right,”Irene attempted. “You think we should risk the lives of the entire fleet on the possibility that Romeo might not mess everything up.”

Sasha considered this, looking for something that might give her an edge. “He’s got Dex3PO with him,”she offered at last.

She heard Irene sigh. “All right. Let’s stay and fight.”

“Great!”Sasha cheered. “Felix…” She turned to her co-pilot who seemed to be staring at a handheld device. “What are you doing?”

“Playing my gameboy,”Felix answered. “That was a really boring bit.”

“Well, how about some spaceship dogfights?”

“Great!” Felix offered her the console. “You want to go first?”

Sasha gestured pointedly to the view out the cockpit.

“Oh. You mean in real life?”

The Rivertroopers had managed to get their hands on an armoured walker and were marching through the forest, opening fire with the weapons, scattering Ewoks in front of them. Liambacca, Chief Lottie and VJ were perched in a tree. As the walker passed underneath them, they jumped down on top of it. Liambacca knocked on the hatch.

There was a pause before the hatch opened and a Rivertrooper stuck his head out. “No, we don’t want any double glazing. Although have you got any of General Heath’s old pills?”

Liambacca picked him up by the scruff of the neck and threw him over the side.

The other Rivertrooper called from inside. “Fred! Who is it?” He scrambled to the hatch and saw Liambacca and the two Ewoks. “Oh. Er, Fred, wait for me!” He dived over the edge after his friend.

Liambacca, Chief Lottie and VJ scrambled inside and sat down at the controls. There was an awkward pause. “So, does anyone know how to drive this thing?”Liambacca asked.

With the Rivertroopers distracted by the overwhelming opposition of a bunch of hairy geeks throwing rocks at them, Romeo and Indigo had managed to reach the door of the forcefield generator. Romeo hammered on it. “Oh great. They’ve locked it with a code.”

“Can you crack it?”Princess Indigo asked.

Romeo took a deep breath and typed in numbers. “1234.” Nothing happened. “Um, 1235?”

“Maybe we should leave this to the experts,”Indigo suggested at last. “Dex3PO! AprilD2!”

The two droids came racing towards them. Then, suddenly, a group of Rivertroopers appeared from the trees and opened fire. For once, they actually managed to hit half of their targets. AprilD2 and Princess Indigo were cut down by the fire.

Romeo cradled the fallen Indigo. “I swear, by my surfboard, that I will avenge your death!”

Indigo opened an eye. “I’m not dead.”

“That I will avenge your mortal wounding!”

She opened her other eye. “Actually, I think I’m going to be all right.”

“So’s AprilD2,”Dex3PO added joyfully before he remembered himself. “But I still like Chief Lottie more than you.”

Then an armoured walker burst out of the trees. The hatch opened to reveal Chief Lottie, who hurled a rock at the group of Rivertroopers knocking them all down. “Glad to see you haven’t taken leave of your senses, Dex3PO,”she remarked.

Liambacca appeared next to her. “Ah, the two sexiest people I know,”Dex3PO sighed.

“Liambacca!”Romeo called. “If you can find a way to get this door open, the princess will be extremely grateful.”

Liambacca thought about this. “Have you tried knocking and asking to come in? It worked for us.”

Chief Lottie and VJ scrambled down from the walker and hurried over to the door. “Let the geeks see the code,”Dex3PO suggested.

Casey Antilles was weaving among the larger Imperial ships in his fighter. He spoke into his intercom. “Red Leader calling Green Leader. Come in, Green Leader.”

“This is Green Leader,”came a familiar voice.

Casey looked puzzled. “Jai? Is that you? How did you get here?”

“Oh, it’s just what I do. What’s the problem?”

“That really big Imperial Command Star Destroyer. Do you think your squadron can take it out?”

“Yeah, sure. I didn’t spend all that time training as a samurai without learning how to do a decent suicide attack.”

Admiral Brodie sat in the command chair of the Imperial Star Destroyer as Green Squadron came to attack him. “Open fire on those ships,”he ordered.

The star destroyer opened fire, destroying most of the squadron, but Jai’s ship was only damaged. “The last ship is still coming,”one of his crew pointed out.

Brodie shrugged. “Ah, it’s crashing out of control.”

“It’s crashing out of control into us, sir,”the crewman pointed out carefully.

Brodie thought about this for a second. “Oh shoot.”

Jai’s ship crashed into the bridge and exploded.

“Oh my god, they killed Jai!”Casey cried.

“Again?”General Irene asked. “That boy’s gonna get a complex.”

Watching the battle from the Death Star, Emperor Alfatine spoke into the intercom. “Fleet, my command ship appears to have just blown up.”

“The rebels launched a suicide attack!”the officer on the other end protested. “Even if we hit them, they just keep on coming at us like flaming crows!”

“Well…stone the flaming crews!”Alfatine retorted.

“Suck that one up, you old gallah!”Xavier called. “Being a rebel rocks!”

“Don’t be so sure, you young gallah,”Alfatine replied. “I’ve got a fair dinkum planet-killing battle station at my disposal.” He spoke into the intercom again. “Moff Stu! Fire up the Death Star!”

Xavier watched in horror as the Death Star’s weapons came online and blasted the biggest rebel ship that didn’t have anyone important on it to pieces. Using the force, he summoned his light sabre into his hand and charged at Alfatine. “Die! Die! Die, you son of a…”

Darth Palmer ignited his own light sabre and blocked Xavier’s charge. “You show that you have the Dark Side in you, young Xavier. You attempt to strike down an unarmed gallah in anger. Now, you and I will fight to the death to see who is worthy to stand at Emperor Alfatine’s right hand and rule the galaxy.”

Xavier sighed. “I should have thought that through more carefully, shouldn’t I?”

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