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Bay Wars

Guest Miranda

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Story Title: Bay Wars

Type of story: Short/Medium

Main Characters: Xavier, Indigo, Romeo and rest of cast.

BTTB rating: T/A

Genre: Sci fi, comedy.

Does story include spoilers: No.

Any warnings: Sexual content, language, comedy violence.

Summary: Its another parody from the Miranda/Red Ranger production company. This time its Star Wars, starring Xavier, as I thought he deserved some attention

This fanfic is dedicated to JosieTash/Mark, wishing him all the best with his recovery.

thanks for the centering!

A long time ago

In a galaxy far far away….

Bay Wars Episode IV, A NEW HOPE It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armoured space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, Princess Indigo races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy….

The vast Imperial destroyer loomed in space above the desert planet of Summer Bay. Its prey, the small rebel cruiser had been caught in its tractor beam and dragged into the docking bay.

Inside the cruiser, Princess Indigo Organa, leader of the Rebel Alliance, prepared to face her doom. Her faithful droids, the golden Dex3PO and tiny dome shaped AprilD2, waited with her.

“Your highness,” said Dex3PO. “Please allow me to offer my condolences that your mission failed. Never before have I observed-“

“3PO. Quiet,” the Princess ordered. A plan was forming in her mind. She stepped towards the smaller droid and pressed a button on her control panel.

AprilD2 beeped and a disc tray shot out.

The fighter’s doors were being forced open, so the Princess quickly shoved a memory disc into the tray, and bundled AprilD2 and Dex3PO into an escape pod.

“Well, really! I’ve never been treated like this, I must assume that your highness has very good reasons for-“ burbled the golden droid.

His companion made a sound like a raspberry as they were ejected into space.

The fighter doors finally gave way, and a tall black cloaked figure strode in, accompanied by troops in white armour. All the men had different tattooed markings on the armour.

“Now, Princess,” said the figure in a deep booming voice. “My defeat of your pathetic alliance is complete. Prepare to join the Dark Side.”

“Never!” Indigo Organa snapped. “I’ll never join the Dark Side, Darth Palmer!”

“Take her to the torture chamber, River trooper,” ordered the Dark Lord, summoning a soldier, who struggled with the feisty Princess.

“General Heath! Subdue the prisoner!” Palmer had no patience and beckoned a superior officer.

The Imperial General stunned the Princess with his blaster and she slumped into his arms.

“I think I might know another way to get the information from her.” He peered up at Darth Palmer, whose black face mask gave away no emotion.

Waiting for an answer, General Heath wondered if he’d made a mistake. He suddenly found his throat constricting as the Dark Lord made the force choking motion with one hand. Heath rose in the air.

“Only kidding, mate,” laughed Palmer and Heath fell to the floor, coughing. “Do whatever you want with her, as long as you get the information.” He strode away, black robes swishing across the floor.

General Heath picked up Princess Indigo’s unconscious body, trying to remember the way back to his quarters on the Death Star.


On the surface of the planet below, Xavier Skywalker was helping with the farm chores as usual. He saw laser fire in the sky far above and sighed. If only he could have an exciting life instead of endless fetching and carrying for his Uncle Tony. The two suns were setting so the heat of the day was at last receding. Tomorrow he would go with his uncle to buy some more droids as the present ones had malfunctioned for the last time.


Dex3PO and AprilD2 struggled out of their escape pod, high in the mountains of Summer Bay.

“Well, really, such advanced droids as you and me, abandoned on a deserted planet,” complained Dex3PO. “What was her royal highness thinking of to- what? What are you saying? This way? How do you even know-“

But AprilD2 was wheeling off towards the old caves, her companion forced to follow, talking incessantly all the way.

Suddenly, a group of small hooded beings hurried towards them, and they were quickly captured and carried off to the huge Jawa sand crawler.


The next morning, bright and hot as usual, Uncle Tony and Xavier set out to the marketplace. The Jawa were notoriously tricky to deal with but Tony had the knack of working out when they were pulling the wool over his eyes.

“We’ll take these two.” Tony pointed to a tall golden droid and a red R2 unit. “We need a protocol droid and the other one can help fix the machines.”

“But- but-“ said the golden droid. “My companion is very- she is a very advanced unit, and-“

“Quiet!” bellowed Tony. “Do as you’re told.”

The red R2 unit suddenly ground to a halt

“What are you doing, selling us your rubbish?” snapped Tony to a Jawa. “I’ll take that blue one, seeing as my new droid likes her so much.”

AprilD2 hurried forward.

“Aw. She is rather cute,” said Xavier sentimentally.

“Enough!” Tony lowered his voice. “I know you haven’t got a girlfriend at the moment, Xavier, but after that time with RubyZ90 the hydration cooler, I thought you’d have learnt your lesson-“

“Okay, uncle, don’t remind me,” Xavier blushed. “A guy gets lonely on the farm you know-“

“Please! Or I’ll have to arrange a marriage for you with the neighbour’s daughter, Colleen.”

“No! Point taken.”

The droids were stowed in the land cruiser and the two men set off home.


Later, Xavier helped Dex3PO into an oil bath where he reclined, still talking. Meanwhile young Skywalker got to work on little AprilD2, cleaning the dust from all her orifices.

“Cute little thing,” he mused.

“No she isn’t!” snapped 3PO. “She despises all human males and only talks to me.”

The little droid beeped in a continuous flow as if to prove him wrong.

“What’s she saying?” asked Xavier.

“She says- what? She says she has a special message for you, and if you remove her restraining bolt, she will play it.”

Xavier quickly did so.

A blonde female figure was beamed out of the droid’s holographic unit in front of them.

“Oh, she’s beautiful,” breathed Xavier.

“Yes. She is. Much more your type,” said 3PO.


The lady began to speak.

“General Kenobi. Years ago you served my father in the Clone Wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to convey my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Miles Kenobi. You're my only hope.”

The message abruptly finished.

“What was all that about?” asked young Skywalker.

The small droid beeped.

“She says, what was all what about?” said her interpreter. “Come along, tell our master what you were talking about.”

AprilD2 would not beep again but remained silent for the rest of the evening.

The next morning, Xavier discovered that the little droid had disappeared. He and 3PO set off in search of her.

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Glad so many people have climbed aboard. I've no idea what people who haven't seen Star Wars will make of all this but hopefully you'll like it.

“Why do you think AprilD2 went off on her own like that?” Xavier asked as he and Dex3PO made their way across the endless desert landscape of Summer Bay.

“Oh, I am afraid you will never understand what drives us droids, Master Xavier,” Dex3PO replied with just a hint of condescension. “Our two life forms are far too different. No doubt there was something of some urgency that she felt compelled to do.”

The pair of them stopped as they came across the sight of AprilD2 lying on her side in the middle of the sand. “What’s happened to her?” Xavier asked in alarm.

He had his answer mere seconds later, as a group of Sand People, the vicious nomads who prowled the desert around Summer Bay, emerged from behind the dunes, spears at the ready, determined to attack. Xavier and Dex3PO drew back in horror, realising they were doomed.

Then, a voice called out in an alien language unfamiliar to them. The Sand People understood it however and scampered away. Moments later, a hooded figure wearing a long brown robe emerged from behind one of the dunes. He set AprilD2 back on her feet and then threw back the hood to reveal a human face. “I don’t think they’ll be back for quite a while.”

“What did you say to them?” asked Dex3PO.

“I just told them their dinner was ready and if they didn’t get home soon it would be in the bin.”

“I know you,” Xavier realised. “You’re Obi-Miles Kenobi! One of the heroes of the Clone War!”

“You know, everyone always thinks the Clone War was a war against some clones, but what actually happened…”

“You look different from your holopictures.”

Obi-Miles looked embarrassed. “I have a beard now. Beards are cool.”

“These droids say they wanted to see you.”

“I don’t know why, I’ve never met them before.”

“Master Obi-Miles, it’s us!” Dex3PO protested. “Dex3PO and AprilD2! Don’t you remember? Pod races and chases through cartoon factories and people falling into lava?”

Obi-Miles looked him straight in the eye. “We have never met before.”

“We have never met before,” Dex3PO repeated in a dull montone.

“I keep having to do that,” Obi-Miles told Xavier. “It stops people talking about things I find embarrassing. Come, let us retire to my home and we can discuss this further.”

As the two humans led the way across the desert, AprilD2 made a bleeping sound. Dex3PO looked at her in bemusement. “Who is whose father? Really, you say the strangest things sometimes. Besides, we’ve never met these people before.”


Obi-Miles led the way to a spartan building in the middle of the desert, a simple concrete structure with holes in the wall for windows and few decorations inside. Xavier looked around it, confused. “This is your home? Who did you buy it from, the Flintstones?”

“We’re on a desert planet,” Obi-Miles replied testily. “I’m hardly going to have a five star apartment.” He looked at his new young companion closely. “You are Xavier Skywalker.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I knew your father, John Skywalker. An excellent pilot. A superb duellist. And he always did a good job organising the Jedi surf carnival.”

“Surf carnival?” Xavier repeated.

“What, you think being a Jedi was all about light sabre duels and sitting around in a spartan room going ‘Hey, our president’s turned this planet into a fascist dictatorship, do you think we should do something about it?’ Us Jedi knew how to party.”

“Jedi?” Xavier repeated again.

“The Jedi were the guardians of the Old Republic. Before the dark times. Before the Empire. The Jedi Knights were those attuned to the Force which runs through all living things. Then the Empire came to power and those of us who survived were forced into exile. Your father was one of the finest members of our order.”

“What happened to him? Everyone’s always been too embarrassed to talk about him.”

“Another of the Jedi, Darth Palmer, was seduced to the Dark Side of the Force and joined the service of Emperor Alfatine. He betrayed and murdered your father.”

“Excuse me,” Dex3PO piped up. “All this exposition is very well but we are still here and we have been through many hardships to bring a message to you.”

“Yes, of course,” Obi-Miles replied kindly.

AprilD2 played the holographic recording of Indigo again. “Help me, Obi-Miles. You are my only hope.”

“Do you know who that beautiful woman is?” Xavier asked.

“She is Princess Indigo, of the planet Alderaan,” Obi-Miles explained. He looked at Xavier worriedly. “You think she’s beautiful?”

“Well, yeah. Is that a problem?”

“No, no. No problem. Let’s just say there’s a reason you’re both blondes.” Obi-Miles clambered to his feet. “I must go to Alderaan. The time has come for the Jedi to strike back against the Empire.” He clapped a hand on Xavier’s shoulder. “And you, Xavier Skywalker, must come with me.”


“Because you are the chosen one. The one who will restore the Jedi to power, defeat the Empire and bring balance to the Force. You are our new hope.”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course. I said the exact same thing to your father and… yes, well, never mind. Come.”


Darth Palmer was stalking the corridors of the Death Star, the Empire’s powerful new vessel of destruction, looking suitably menacing. He saw the Death Star’s commander approaching him. “You have news, Grand Moff Braxton?”

“Braxtin,” the Grand Moff corrected. “Grand Moff Braxtin.”

“Why the change?”

“You’d know if you’d seen the film.” Braxtin cleared his throat. “General Heath has not managed to get any useful information from Princess Indigo.”

“She has a strong will.”

“And he has trouble telling one end of a torture implement from another. But I have a better plan. We will take the Death Star to Alderaan. The threat to her home world will provide a great incentive for the princess to co-operate. I will now start laughing evilly and you will join in.”

Darth Palmer managed to look even more impassive than usual, an impressive feet for someone wearing a black helmet. “I am the main villain. I will start the evil laughter.”

“No, I’m the main villain. I’m the one that gives all the orders.”

“Yes. But I have the cool black armour and I’m the one everyone remembers.”

Braxtin rolled his eyes. “Fine. We’ll start the laughter together. On three.”



Xavier, Obi-Miles and the two droids were walking through the desert when they came across the Jawa vehicle. It had been attacked, littered with blaster bolts. “What happened to them?” Xavier wondered. “It doesn’t look like the work of Sand People.”

“No,” Obi-Miles confirmed. “This was the work of Rivertroopers. They must have realised that the droids have the information from Princess Indigo and come looking for them.”

“But, if the Jawa talked,” Xavier realised, “then the Rivertroopers would know the droids were bought by… my uncle!”

He ran across the desert, heading towards his uncle’s house. But when he got there, the house was a smoking ruin, subjected to even more blaster fire than the Jawa vehicle. Xavier sank to his knees in horror. “Oh, Uncle Tony, Aunt Rachel,” he groaned.

Tony and Rachel stuck their heads out of the nearby shed. “Yeah?” Tony asked.

Xavier looked at the smoking house and his perfectly unharmed aunt and uncle, doing a double take. “I thought you were dead.”

“Why?” asked Rachel. “Because we had a visit from Rivertroopers?”

“Come on, nephew,” Tony chided. “Everyone knows they never hit anyone.”

Xavier got to his feet and drew himself up impressively. “Uncle Tony, Aunt Rachel, I am going to go on a mission with Obi-Miles Kenobi and two cute droids. I am going to become a Jedi Knight and defeat the forces of the evil Empire. And possibly rescue a beautiful princess.”

“Um, this beautiful princess… she isn’t blonde, is she?” Rachel asked worriedly.

“Yeah. Why?”

Tony and Rachel exchanged a look. “Never mind,” Tony told him. “I’m sure Obi-Miles will tell you when you’re old enough.” He patted Xavier on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you, nephew. We always knew you were destined for something more than a farm in the middle of a desert in Summer Bay. Go out to the stars.” He nodded to the floating hoverpod parked nearby. “I’ll even let you take the car.”


Xavier drove to Summer Bay’s spaceport and headed for the cantina bar. It was full of weird and wonderful aliens drinking exotic beers. He looked around for his friends but only managed to bump into a large brute of an alien. “Sorry,” he stammered.

The brute glared at him. “You will be.”

At that moment, Obi-Miles stepped over to them. “I suggest you leave my young friend alone,” he told the brute.

“Don’t worry, old guy. You’ll be next.”

From the folds of his robe, Obi-Miles produced a light sabre, the ancient weapon of the Jedi Knights. He thumbed a button on the small metal handle and an energy blade sprung up out of it. With one stroke of the blade, he severed the brute’s arm. “You will leave my young friend alone.”

The brute looked at the cauterised stub where his arm used to be and nodded, before walking off looking sad.

Xavier’s mouth dropped open. “You cut his arm off.”

“Yeah. Nice to know I’ve still got it.”

“You cut his arm off!”

“Artificial limbs are all the rage these days. Everyone’s got them. Some people have got four.”

“You cut his frigging arm off! Couldn’t you have used a Jedi mind trick to make him leave us alone?”

“Yeah but that wouldn’t be as badass. Now come on, I’ve found a pilot who will take us to Alderaan.” Obi-Miles led Xavier to where Dex3PO and AprilD2 were sat with a tall, implausibly good-looking blonde man. “Xavier Skywalker, meet Romeo Solo.”

Xavier had to stifle a laugh. “Romeo Solo? No way is that a real name.”

Romeo glared at him. “You got a problem with me being called Romeo Solo?”

“Let me guess, you’re a romantic loner?”

Romeo looked embarrassed. “Possibly… Look, if you don’t want the lift…”

“No, no,” Xavier replied hastily. “I think it’s a great name.”

“Then we can get going.” Romeo called over to the bar. “Hey, Liambacca!” One of the other bar patrons came over to them. His hair, both on his head and on his face, was wild and uncontrolled, making him look a bit like a dog. “Gentlemen, meet my co-pilot, Liambacca. Liambacca, these are our new clients.”

Liambacca opened his mouth and made a loud, howling noise.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know his language,” Xavier apologised.

“That’s not his language,” Romeo explained. “That’s him singing. I keep asking him to stop but he just won’t listen. Now, let’s go and find our ship. And I warn you, you haven’t seen a real ship until you’ve seen the Blaxlandium Falcon.”

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  • 2 months later...

Hey Everyone

So I was asked to come on broad with helping out with this fic. hope this chapter is ok. Just getting into it really.

Chapter 3

“Isn’t she just the most magnificent ship you have ever seen?” Romeo Solo asked as he stood gazing up at the Blaxlandium Falcon with great pride. He glanced back to see Xavier and Obi-Miles with their mouths gaping open in oar, while AprilD2 beeped away with great excitement.

“Oh for heavens sake AprilD2 silly droid it’s only a big tin can nothing to lose your bolts over” said Dex3P0

“Yeah what a piece of crap it’s all rusty” Xavier said as he walked round expecting the Blaxlandium Falcon’s bodywork. He slid his finger slowly along the metal of the ship he took a close look at his finger.

“Dusty too” he said.

Romeo Solo glared at him as he walked over to him giving him a quick slap round the head.

“I would have you know young Skywalker I have taken a fair few people on sight seeing trips round the galaxy; we have seen things beyond your dreams in this baby.” Romeo Solo said patting and stroking the Blaxlandium Falcon.

“My clients have left me with some very good reviews”

Obi-Miles took a look round grinning at the others.

“If your reviews are so good where’s all the sight seers got to today?”

“I must ambit business is a tad slow at the minute why else do you think I would be going to Alderaan I haven’t got a death wish you know, oh yes while I think about it what sort of price are you willing to pay me for this little outing?”

Obi-Miles dug his hands into the pockets of his long brown robe he grinned wide at Romeo Solo and shrugged his shoulders.

“I seem to have empty pockets”

“Oh no then I’m sorry I can’t take you then I need payment I have debits to pay” Romeo Solo said with great disappointment in his voice.

“I can show you the great talent of always having something to eat or drink. I’m always eating and drinking when people come to see me, nice little trick I mastered while using the power of the force” Obi-Miles said

Romeo Solo shook his head.

Liambacca who had been quiet until stepped forward and started to talk.

“What’s he saying?” asked Obi-Miles.

“His not talking his singing us a song to ease the tension between us” sighed Romeo Solo. Xavier stepped forward a big beaming grin on his face as he presented Romeo Solo with a little blue book.

“What is that young Skywalker?” Romeo Solo shouted to be heard over Liambacca’s singing with great wonder in his eyes, eyeing up the small book that Xavier waved before his face.

“This is my check book I am willing to pay you seventeen thousand if you take us to Alderaan”

Romeo Solo looked back at the young Skywalker with great shock on his face.

“My word that is some offer why are you willing to pay so much?”

Xavier blushed and came all over with great shyness.

“Well Indigo is the most beautiful gorgeous most stunning female I have ever seen, plus she’s an princess ”By the time Xavier had finished talking he was out of breath and panting as he thought about Princess Indigo.

Obi-Miles looked up at Romeo Solo shaking his head. He walked over to Xavier gently placing his hand on his back and giving it a gentle rub.

“I advise you to be very careful of Princess Indigo young Skywalker after all she is blonde have you got a different type you go for instead?” asked Obi-Miles.

Xavier looked at him “So what if she’s blonde is there a problem with it?”

Obi-Miles quickly looked over to the others.

“Oh no, no problem young Skywalker just be warily of her blondeness”

With Liambacca still caught up in his deafening song that nobody heard the sounds of gunshots. But they sure noticed the red lasers being shot from the Rivertroppers guns.

“QUICKLY INTO THE BLAXLANDIUM FALCON” shouted Romeo Solo as he pulled out his gun shooting back at the RiverTroppers as they ran towards them from the mountains.

As the others quickly ran on broad of the Blaxuim Falcon, red laser beams echoed off the ship’s metal. Romeo Solo kept firing back as he walked backward onto the ship quickly shutting its doors. He turned to see the worried expressions on his passenger’s faces.

“Quit it with that insane singing Liambacca it’s not easing the situation” said Romeo Solo as he took a run at his pilot seat, Liambacca flinched slightly as Romeo Solo cartwheeled landing in his seat.

“Quick lets get this baby out of here those lasers are damaging the bodywork” Liambacca pulled back hard on a lever.

“Brace yourselves everybody” Romeo Solo said.

Xavier and Obi-Miles gripped tightly to their seats. While Dex 3P60 tumbled over. April 2D beeped, in her panic as she rolled down the ship towards the pilot seat. Romeo Solo jerked forward has he felt the droid crash into his seat.

Meanwhile on the ground the RiverTroppers fried rapidly at the Blaxuim Falcon as it shot into space leaving the planet of Summer Bay behind.

“Phew those RiverTroppers sure are a nasty piece of work, I’m glad we have lost them now would you be so kind as to help me up Obi-Miles ?” said Dex3P60. Obi Miles started to help the golden droid to its feet, just as the Blaxuim Falcon slammed hard into the side of a Rivertrooper ship.

“Quick Liambacca use hyper speed to blast us away from those annoying River Troopers” ordered Romeo Solo.

Liambacca reached for the controls above his head and flipped a switch causing the Blaxuim Falcon gained rapid speed.

“Shield your eyes everyone as we enter hyper speed” Romeo said looking back at the others grinning a bright white light filled the ship allowing the ship to blast away from the emery ship

When the bright light faded Romeo Solo looked over at his co pilot

“Set the ship’s course for Alderaan” said Romeo Solo

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MANY thanks everyone for the COOOOOOOL comments !!!!


The Death Star has arrived in orbit of Alderaan, and Grand Moff Braxton eagerly sees Darth Palmer approaching with Princess Indigo in chains .......

Princess Indigo “Governor Braxton, I recognized your fowl bourbon breath stench when I was bought in board.”

Grand Moff Braxton [sarcastically] “That’s a charming way to talk, eh. They obviously don’t make princesses like they used to.”

Indigo “Well, you’re no prince, or even a nice person. You’re just a common thug.”

Grand Moff Braxton “A common thug doesn’t have the power to destroy a planet like I have, with this EVIL battle station at my command. Indeed, it is you will decide the planet which we destroy 1st.

Grand Moff Braxton walks closer to Indigo, to the point where she is pressed up against Darth Palmer, and …..

Indigo “I am sooooo in an evil sandwich right now.”

Grand Moff Braxton “SILENCE. Now, reveal to me the location of the Rebel base or I will test this station’s destructive power on your home planet of Alderaan.”

Indigo [worried voice] “You can’t do that. We’re a peaceful people, with the coolest accent.”

Darth Palmer “Accent! What accent?”

Indigo “This cool kinda lisp that I have. Anyone who’s ANYONE on Alderaan has a voice like mine.”

Grand Moff Braxton [sternly] “Tell me the location of the rebel base, or kiss your home goodbye!!!””

Indigo [worried, resigned voice - as she looks at her home world on the monitor before her] “Yabby Creek. They’re on Yabby Creek.”

Grand Moff Braxton “There, Darth Palmer, she can be reasonable. General Health, you may fire when ready.”

Indigo [shocked voice] “WHAT !?!?!?!?”

Grand Moff Braxton “Yabby Creek is too far away to be an effective target, but we shall deal with your Rebel friends soon enough.”

The evil Imperial officers fire up the Death Star’s main weapon, and Princess Indigo looks on in TOTAL terror, and the death ray fires at her home world …… COMPLETELY destroying it !!!!!!! ….. to the sounds of evil laughter from Darth Palmer AND Grand Moff Braxton !!!!!


Meanwhile aboard the Blaxlandium Falcon, Xavier Skywalker can see that Obi-Miles is distressed ….

Xavier “What’s up?”

Obi Miles “I feel something terrible has happened …….. “

Xavier [cutting in] “You’re pretty old. Did you go all dementia on us and forget something REALLY important?”

Obi Miles [sternly] “NO !!! [calm voice] It’s not that. I felt millions of people cry out in terror, and then were suddenly silenced.”

Xavier “Sounds like the Empire is involved ….. or you’re talking about the latest in a LONG line of trashy sequels to successful holo-movies from Planet Hollywood.”

Nearby, Liambacca & AprilD2 are playing holographic chess, and Dex3PO hears AprilD2 beeping coyly ……

Dex3PO “Liambacca, AprilD2 informs me that she thinks that one of her many “sister” droids, BiancaD7, would REALLY like to meet you. BiancaD7 has a “thing” for males like yourself.”

Liambacca smiles and laughs appreciatively, as he’s been on the run with Romeo Solo a looooomg time, and a HOTTIE robot could be a way to relieve some tension !!!!

AprilD2 makes her latest chess move, which “takes out” one of Liambacca’s most important pieces, which makes Liambacca ROAR in anger …..

Dex3PO “I hope that’s just part of an angry song from his repertoire.”

Romeo Solo [who’s just entered the room from where he was in the cockpit] “No, Liambacca’s ACTUALLY angry.”

Dex3PO “Why? AprilD2 made a fair move.”

Romeo Solo “It’s not wise to upset a musician.”

Dex3PO “Why? No one worries when they upset a droid.”

Romeo Solo “That’s cos droids don’t rip people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. Musicians are known to do that”

Dex3PO “AprilD2, I suggest a new strategy. Let the musician win.”

Liambacca laughs and makes a winning move whilst ……

Xavier Skywalker “Are we there yet?”

Romeo Solo “DON’T ask that again, or there’s an escape pod with your name on it !!!!"

Obi Miles “Young Skywalker, time to begin your training. [Obi Miles picks up a small spherical object] This remote will be a great way to start you on the road to enlightenment.”

Xavier “Remote? Does this mean that this beat up old ship has all the mod cons, like a 5D holographic TV …. and when you say road to enlightenment, are we talking a coooooool doco on the Intergalactic Discovery Channel?”

Obi Miles “Not what I mean, young Skywalker. You have much to learn.”

Romeo Solo [after hearing some beeping from the ship’s computer] “It will have to wait. We’re coming up on Alderaan.”

Romeo & Liambacca go the cockpit and drop the ship out of hyperspace ….. where they are greeted by a massive meteor shower. Xavier Skywalker & Obi Miles feel something crash against the side of the vessel and go to the cockpit where …..

Romeo Solo “I know this old girl is beaten up, but I don’t need any more scrathes on the bodywork.”

Obi Miles “I thought you said we are about to arrive at our destination.”

Romeo Solo “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Alderaans’s not there anymore. It’s been totally blown away !!!!”

Xavier Skywalker [shocked voice] “How ?????”

Obi Miles “Destroyed by the Empire. I KNEW my former student, Darth Palmer, was EVIL, but he never did anything THIS bad at Jedi School.”

Suddenly, another ship passes them …….

Romeo Solo “Damn that Harvey!!! He’s always trying to muscle in on my sightseeing destinations.”

Xavier Skywalker “That looks like an Imperial Fighter to me.”

Romeo Solo [after looking at the other ship once more] “Yeah, it is. I’m just soooooo paranoid bout Harvey. Anyway, better destroy that Imperial ship ….. thinking that it’s Harvey will give me extra impetus to destroy it.”

The Blaxlandium Falcon closes in the TIE Fighter, but it’s a trap ….. the Falcon is caught in tractor beam ….. and is steadily bought into the Death Star, where General Heath enters the command room, and talks to Darth Palmer & Grand Moff Braxton …….

General Heath “Scout ships have reached Yabby Creek. Found the remains of a Rebel base. Looks like it’s an OLD stomping ground for our enemy though.”

Grand Moff Braxton “She lied !!!!! The Princess lied to us !!!! TERMINATE her !!!!”

Imperial Officer Brodie [over the commlink] “We’ve captured a vessel that has markings which match a ship that escaped us in Summer Bay. It was entering the remains of the Alderaan system.”

Darth Palmer “The Rebels must be trying to return the plans to the Princess. She may yet be of use to us !!!!!”


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I'm back.Hope you enjoy.


Obi-Miles and Xavier crowded behind Romeo and Liambacca in the Blaxlandium Falcon’s small cockpit. “Well, with the forcefield in place this ship isn’t going anywhere,” Romeo remarked.

“What if the forcefield was down?” asked Obi-Miles. “Could you outrun the Imperials?”

“Ha! This is the ship that did the Kessel run in twelve parsecs!” Romeo boasted.

“A parsec is a unit of distance, not time,” Obi-Miles told him.

“Yep. This ship is so fast it made the distance shorter.”

Obi-Miles decided not to query the matter further. “In that case, I shall shut down the station’s forcefield generator.”

“Should not I do it, Master Obi-Miles?” Xavier asked.

Obi-Miles shook his head. “No, young Skywalker. The task is mine. You must trust in the Force.”

“The Force?” repeated Romeo. “Ha! I’ve travelled across this whole galaxy and I have never seen one piece of evidence that the Force exists.”

Obi-Miles waved a hand and Romeo found himself unable to breathe, collapsing to the floor coughing for breath. He waved it again and Romeo could breathe. “Convinced?”

Romeo stared at him in shock. “You used the Force to choke me!”


“You’re the good guy, you’re not supposed to use the Force like that!”

“Well, according to you, I’m not supposed to be able to use the Force at all, am I?” Obi-Miles walked down the ship’s ramp, a satisfied look on his face.

Romeo and Xavier stared after him. “He’s crazy, isn’t he?” Romeo asked.

“I’m starting to realise that,” Xavier agreed.

“Actually,”put in Dex3PO, “AprilD2 and I think he’s pretty cool.”

AprilD2 burbled in agreement.


There were two Rivertroopers in the control room alongside the hangar where the Blaxlandium Falcon was stored. When the door to the control room opened, they turned round and fired several shots into the wall. Romeo fired two blasts and downed both of them. “It’d be nice to meet some decent opposition some time,” he sighed.

Obi-Miles, Xavier, Liambacca, Dex3PO and AprilD2 followed him in. Obi-Miles gestured to AprilD2. “Please interface with the controls and give us a layout of the station.”

“Um, excuse me,” Dex3PO put in, “I’m the one that talks to her.”

“Yes, of course.”

“AprilD2, please give us a…” AprilD2 burbled a response. “Oh, you’ve already done it? Okay.” Dex3PO pointed to the readout. “Ah, the forcefield generator is there, Master Obi-Miles. And there is something else. It appears the Death Star recorded a last distress signal from Alderaan.”

“Play it,” Obi-Miles instructed.

An image of a man appeared on the screen. “This is Senator Sid Organa. The Death Star’s here! We’re all going to die! I’m not even supposed to be in this! Damn those Special Editions! Aargh!”

The screen went blank. “I, ah, believe that was it,” Dex3PO supplied.

Obi-Miles clenched his fists angrily. “I swear that everyone on Alderaan will be avenged.”

“We have to get off this station first,” Romeo pointed out. “And first we have to get the forcefield down.”

“Yes,” Obi-Miles agreed. “I shall shut it down while you monitor me from here.”

“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be the chosen one?” Xavier protested.

“Yes. And your destiny insists that you monitor me from here. The Force be with you, folks. Be good.”


On the main bridge of the Death Star, Grand Moff Braxtin, Darth Palmer and General Heath were watching the group on a screen. “They’re pretty resourceful,” Braxtin commented. “Isn’t that Obi-Miles Kenobi?”

“I, ah, believe it is,” Darth Palmer confirmed, shifting from foot to foot in an uncomfortable manner.

“Who’s Obi-Miles Kenobi?” asked Heath.

“One of the Jedi,” Braxtin explained.

“The Jedi?” Heath looked at Palmer. “I thought you and Emperor Alfatine wiped all the Jedi out when you came to power?”

“We did,” Palmer agreed. “But Obi-Miles escaped.”

“Oh. Right. But he’s the only one, right? There aren’t any more Jedi out there in secret hideaways plotting the downfall of the Empire?”

“No. Definitely not. None at all.” Palmer crossed his fingers behind his back. He stared hard at the screen. “The boy.”

Braxtin stared at it as well. “Which one?”

“The blonde one.”

“Which one?”

“The short one.”

“Oh, right, that one. What about him?”

“There is something curiously familiar about him, much as there was with the princess. As if they remind me of someone I once knew, as if there is some deep connection between us…” Palmer shook his head dismissively. “Oh, well, I’m sure it’s nothing important. Worry about it another day.”


“Ah, Master Xavier,” piped up Dex3PO, “AprilD2 has discovered another piece of information. The whereabouts of Princess Indigo Organa.”

Xavier rushed to his side. “Where?”

“In this detention area here.”

“Right, we need to get her out!” Xavier ran towards the door.

Romeo stopped him. “Hold on a second. The old guy might be some sort of space ninja but if you go out there you’re going to get spotted and give us away.”

“Well… not if you help me.”

“Hang on, that was not part of the contract. Transportation to Alderaan, sure. And I’m as eager to escape from here as you are. But you haven’t paid me for rescue operations.”

Xavier thought for a moment. “She’s a princess, right? There’s bound to be some sort of reward for rescuing her.”

Romeo thought as well. “Okay, I’m in. What’s the plan?”

“Er…” Xavier looked around for inspiration. “I’ve got it! You and I put on the armour of these two Rivertroopers, we put some handcuffs on Liambacca and we pretend that we’re guards and he’s our prisoner!”

Romeo stared at him derisively. “You’ve got to be joking. No-one with any brains is going to fall for a trick like that.”

“We’re dealing with Rivertroopers.”

“You’re right. Let’s do it.”

“Er, AprilD2 and I will cover your rear!” Dex3PO added. “From this room.”


Xavier and Romeo marched the manacled Liambacca down the corridor to where two Rivertroopers were guarding Princess Indigo’s cell. As soon as they were close enough, they clubbed the two guards unconscious. “Well, that was easy,” Xavier noted.

“Right,” Romeo agreed. “Undo Liambacca’s cuffs and we can get the princess out.”

Xavier looked at him. “What do you mean? You’ve got the key.”

“No, you’ve got the key.”

Liambacca started making a snarling sound.

“Is he singing again?” Xavier asked.

“Yep,” Romeo confirmed. “That’s his angry song.”

Xavier gulped. “I’ll, um, just go and free the princess.” He hastily opened the cell door and stepped inside.

Princess Indigo stared at him. “Aren’t you a little short for a Rivertrooper?”

“No, no.” Xavier hastily took his helmet off. “My name’s Xavier Skywalker. I’m here with Obi-Miles Kenobi. We’ve come to rescue you.”

“That’s ‘we’ including me,” Romeo interjected as he entered as well. There was a smashing noise from the corridor behind him but he pretended not to notice. “So if there’s any reward, I should get it.”

Indigo was still looking at Xavier. “Hey, you’re blonde, same as me. None of my family are blonde but you and I are. It’s like there’s some sort of connection between us.”

“Hey, I’m blonde too!” Romeo pointed out.

“Yeah, but that’s just a coincidence.”

“We brought those two droids you sent to find Obi-Miles with us,”Xavier explained.

“Good,” Indigo replied approvingly. “That means we still have the plans for the Death Star. General Elijah Johnsonna is gathering the rebel forces at Reefton Lakes…4. With Alderaan gone, we should head there. What’s your plan?”

Xavier thought. “Well, Obi-Miles is turning off the station’s forcefield. So we head back to our ship and as soon as the forcefield’s down, we head to Reefton Lakes 4.”

Indigo stared at him aghast. “That’s it? We’re trapped in the middle of the most powerful space station ever built and that’s your plan? And what is that crashing noise out there?”

“Um, that’s Liambacca,” Romeo admitted. Indigo walked past him to find the corridor trashed and Liambacca holding up the mangled remains of his handcuffs triumphantly. “He’s a musician. He’s used to trashing rooms.”

Indigo stared at the trio in horror. “You’re my rescuers? Dumber, Even Dumber and Really Dumb?” She snatched up one of the unconscious Rivertroopers’ weapons. “Right. Follow me.”

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Thanks to everyone for the feddback.

Hope you enjoy this


Chapter 6

“Quit it with that breathing, its more intense than it is normally is, here have one of these” Moff Braxtin says handing Darth Palmer a packet of suspicious looking tablets.

“What are those for? Darth Palmer asks bringing the odd little packet close to his face, Struggling to read the packet, as seeing through his big black helmet tended to be quite difficult.

“Their called Nyquil their very good at bringing relief from headaches sore throats aches and pains” General Heath said proudly.

“Mm your knowledge of medicine astounds me General Heath” Darth Palmer’s voice boomed. Nobody could truly know for sure if he was in shock or not, with his face hid behind the darkness of his helmet.

“Oh I know Yay go me” General Heath said grinning.

“Well I must say I am very impressed……”

Can I stop you there?” Moff Braxtin says shaking his head.

“Well if you feel like you need too” Darth Palmer said taking a step back.

“I bet you anything he looked it up on Google”

“I did not my wi fi doesn’t work in this part of the galaxy” General Heath said angrily.

Moff Braxtin sighs. “Have you got any proof to support that claim?”

“Yes I have taken Nyquil before makes me drowsy” General Heath said with a hint of hurt in his voice.

“In that case you must take it all the time”Moff Braxtin says laughing turning and high fiveing a couple of nearby River Troopers, causing his anger to reach boiling point General Heath leaps forward and starts planting pathetic punches on Moff Braxtin’s chest.

“FOR ALL THE HATRED OF THE DARKSIDE WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING LIKE A COUPLE OF GIRLS? I HAVENT GOT A COLD” Darth Palmer’s voice boomed casing Braxtin and General Heath to jump back in fright.

“Are you sure Lord Palmer you sound awfully blocked up and rather breathless. Your Moring jog round the space station wasn’t up to your usual standards today I must say” mutters Moff Braxtin.


“Well don’t get too stressed take it easy because you are breathing heaver today” Moff Braxtin says, edging closer towards him and giving him a quick pat on his shoulder before stepping back.

“I have good reason to be stressed” Darth Palmer says starting to pace.

“Why is that Lord Palmer? asks General Heath.

“Because Obi-Miles Kenobi is getting closer” he says.

“How do you know that my Lord? asks Moff Braxtin.

“I felt a tremor in the Force”

This last statement is met by a all mighty howl of laughter from General Heath.

“Tremor of the Force now that was a good one” he said as he wipes tears from his eyes.

“Would you be so kind to STOP LAUGHING HEATH” roared Darth Palmer.

“Sorry” he muttered quietly.

“I should think so man you’re a General for God sake get a grip”

General Heath nods.

“Mmm if only there was a easy way to find him” Darth Palmer says pacing the room.

Moff Braxtin runs forward pointing at the monitor.

“Look there Lord Palmer he has left a track of food crumbs behind we can find him”

“Ah yes good I will go and deal with him myself I don’t trust you or General Heath. Who would probably get lost wandering the space station for hours”

As Darth Palmer rushs away to see to the task of finding Obi-Miles, Moff Braxtin and General Heath hang their heads in shame.

Xavier looks at Romeo Solo looking confused.

“Which way is it out of here?”

Romeo Solo shrugs.

“I don’t know I fly to space stations on my tours I don’t come abroad them for a quick tea break and to have a quick look round you know? I need to be quick before Harvey steals all my sight seeing spots” Romeo Solo says.

Just then there was a blast through a nearby wall as River Troopers break through firing upon the intruders.


Princess would you be so kind? Xavier asks offering Princess Indigo his hand.

“Why yes my blonde handsome stranger, who I find a strange but exciting connection with” Princess Indigo says smiling.

Romeo Solo rolls his eyes and hurries them forward as they run down to the cell bay.

“Looks like you have cut off our only escape rote” Princess Indigo moans.

Romeo Solo glares across at her.

“Well maybe you would like to get back into your cell your Highness? Oh stop porting at me” Romeo Solo says as he shoots back at the blasts from the River Troopers.

“Come in Dex3PO is there any other way out of the cell bay? We have been cut off by River Troopers Xavier shouts into his com on his arm.

“Sorry what was that didn’t catch that”

“I said only for you. You sexy hot piece of metal I will show you my bolts if you show me yours” Dex3P0 replies.

“WHAT ON EARTH? HAVE YOU BEEN RE PROGRAMMED OR SOMETHING? shouts Xavier over the blasts of gunfire.

“OH I am so sorry young Skywalker, me and AprilD2 have been hacking through to Droid sex chat lines, and when you called we……” “Ah yes well by the looks of it all systems have been alerted to your small problem, but the main entrance seems the only way in and out. Everything else on your level is restricted” Dex3PO looks across at the door in a panic as River Troopers knock.

“Oh no AprilD2 I told you not to beep to loudly and get too a excited while on that droid sex line we have been heard now” Dex3PO says going over to April3D.

“Well have we got a way out Romeo Solo asks while the shots of lasers whiz past his head.

Xavier shakes his head meanwhile Liambacca is trying to scare the River Troopers away with a aggressive sounding growl otherwise known as a rock song.

“Oh great some rescue this is moans Princess Indigo.

“You might be pretty Princess but you aren’t half a demanding little Miss shot back Romeo Solo.

Princess Indigo grabs hold of Romeo Solo’s gun blasting a gaping hole in some pies in the wall on the opposite side to Romeo Solo.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m taking charge of my own rescue thank you. Now everyone come on she grabs hold of Xavier’s hand and drags him through the hole.

Liambacca growls at Romeo Solo.

“Look I don’t care if you think that jumping through a dirty looking hole is too good for a rockstar like yourself” Romeo Solo says.

Liambacca growls once more.

“Oh for God sake your record label dropped you. Your songs even suck in this galaxy aswell, oh wait did I say they suck? I meant they are that good they are too good of a treat for anybody’s ears to be blessed with. Just get in there” Romeo Solo says giving Liambacca and quick kick through the hole joining him a few seconds later.

“Oh this is just great Princess Indigo” Romeo Solo moans as he lays amongst the garbage.

“Well how was I to know that hole we just fell through would end up in a garbage shoot?”

Romeo Solo starts to shoot at a metal door on the other end of the shoot.

Xavier sighs.

“We won’t be able to break through there it looks pretty sealed”

“I KNOW I’m just so AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what else can go wrong?” Romeo Solo screams it was at this pointed when Xavier is swept off his feet and no it isn’t by the Princess but by none other than a giant snake Xavier’s screams are muffed as the giant snake pulls him under into the murky water which all the garbage is floating round in.


“I’m ok Princess I can handle this myself” Xavier says between the dunks into the water hoping his bravery will impress her.

“No you can’t” Romeo Solo says taking aim with his blaster and shooting the snake. He glances over at the Princess blowing on his gun.

As everyone breathes a sigh of relief from the drama with the snake, loud grinding noises are heard as the walls of the garbage shoot start to edge their way closer.

“Oh great now the walls are going to crush us to death” moans Romeo Solo.

“Quick what can we do?” asks the young Skywalker.

Laimbacca growls as he throws Xavier Skywalker a long object.

“Is this…”

Romeo Solo nods.

“Yes it’s one of the River Troopers surf hover broads use it to widen the gap between us and the advancing walls”

Xavier sets to the job of wedging the broad between the walls.

Romeo Solo looks round and says

“Well if we get out of this alive we might all be as skinny as a rake”

“Oh no you mean we are going to look like Obi- Miles?”

Everyone laughs despite of their situation.

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As the walls continue to close in, Liambacca howls and Xavier wonders why he’s singing at such a desperate time, but …..

Romeo Solo “He’s NOT singing. He wants your commlink so he CAN sing.”

Xavier “The commlink. That’s the answer. [young Skywalker grabs the commlink from his belt] Dex3PO, do you copy?”

Dex3PO [across the way from the Blaxlandium Falcon] “No, I’m protocol droid, not a copy droid.”

Xavier [annoyed] “We’re about to be crushed in a trash compactor and you’re making jokes!!!”

Dex3PO “You’re about to be crushed !!! I’ll have AprilD2 ALL to myself.”

Romeo Solo [after he grabs the comlink of Xave, as Liambacca & he Princess do their best to halt the ever closing walls] “Listen to me you golden idiot, you GOTTA got us outta here, or [ANGRILY] I’m gonna KILL you!!!!”

Dex3PO “Aside from that being COMPLETELY illogical, where are you?”

Romeo Solo [as the walls get ever closer] “A trash compactor on the detention level!!!”

Dex3PO “AprilD2, did you copy that? “

AprilD2 plugs into a computer socket and shuts down ALL the trash compactors, and then beeps sarcastically at 3PO …

Dex3PO “I KNOW you’re NOT a copy droid. It’s an expression!!! [3PO hears cries of what sounds like UBER pain] Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!!!!”

Xavier [excitedly, after Romeo hands him the commlink] “3PO, we’re all TOTALLY alright!!!! You and AprilD2 were AWESOME. Such a GREAT team.”

Dex3PO “That’s what I keep on saying.”

Princess Indigo, Xavier Skywalker, Romeo Solo & Liambacca exit the trash compactor and, as they walk along, Liambacca sings once more ….

Princess Indigo “What’s he saying now?”

Romeo Solo “He’s singing. It’s an ANGRY song, directed at you. He, err, doesn’t like you.”

Dex 3PO [having overheard all that via the commlink] “No. That’s NOT it, Princess. I’m fluent in over 6 MILLION forms of communication and THAT was a LOVE song.”

Xavier “Liambacca CAN’T be in love with the Princess, cos I am.”

Princess Indigo “Love will have to wait. We’ve gotta get outta here.”

Romeo Solo [as he sees his beloved Blaxlandium Falcon, through a viewing window, on the level below them] “And THAT’S how we’re gonna do it.”

Princess Indigo [astonished, as she looks at the pretty beat-up ship] “You came in that!!! You’re braver that I thought.”

Romeo Solo “Cute. Now, let’s get to my ship and get outta here.”


Meanwhile in another part of the Death Star, Obi-Miles has reached where the tractor beam’s power source is located. As he sets about de-activating it, he hears MANY River troopers nearby. 2 of them are left to stand guard of this section of the mighty battle station. Obi-Miles disables the tractor beam, but knows he won’t be able to continue his mission, as the River troopers are right where he needs to go. Kenobi uses the Force ….. and all of a sudden, the 2 River troopers see Darth Palmer coming towards them. They both stand to attention, but Palmer walks straight THROUGH them, like he’s a ghost ……

River trooper 1 “I didn’t know Lord Palmer was dead.”

River trooper 2 “I don’t think he’s dead. I think we should maybe stop taking the pills that General Heath keeps on giving us.”

River trooper 1 ”No way, General Heath is SURE to know what he’s doing AND what’s best for us.”

As the 2 River troopers chat, Obi-Miles is able to escape …… and continue on with his mission.


Elsewhere, Romeo, Princess Indigo, Xavier & Liambacca are making their way to the Blaxlandium Falcon when they encounter several Rivertoopers. Romeo goes on the offensive, with Liambacca in support, but they encounter a battalion of Rivertroopers and VERY quickly have to back tracks.

Princess Indigo & young Skywalker also have River troopers to deal with …… as they try to escape, they arrive at a chasm within this metal monstrosity ….. and Xavier blasts the controls in a bid to stop the River troopers from gaining access to where he & the Princess are. Suddenly, there are MORE Rivertroopers on the other side, but the Princess grabs the blaster off Xavier and blasts most of them …..

Xavier “You’re a GREAT shot, Princess.”

Princess Indigo “Those River troopers, Darth Palmer, General Heath AND Grand Moff Braxtin has sooooo almost destroyed my dress a MILLION times since they captured me ….. and they destroyed my home !!!!!”

Xavier [as he grabs some rope with a grappling hook on the end form his belt] “We can use this. Wrap your arms round me. We’ll swing across.”

Princess Indigo [as they are fired upon by the last of the Rivertrooper on the other side] “This is going to be awkward. I feel there’s some deep, kinky connection tween us.”

Xavier “If you don’t grab hold, we’re gonnna DIE!!!”

Princess Indigo “Good point. [she wraps her arms round him] Good luck.”

The duo swing cross the chasm, and soon after meet up with Romeo Solo & Liambacca near Romeo’s ship, which is guarded by River troopers!!!!!


Nearby, Obi-Miles sees Darth Palmer. The Dark Lord’s red lightsabre is already activated …..

Darth Palmer “Last time we met, I was but the learner, now I am the Master.”

Obi-Miles [as he activates his blue “blade”] “Only a Master of EVIL, Darth … and besides, my command of the Force is waaay more than yours, AND I’ve had MANY more students. Like the time I used the Force to throw a piece of chalk at Nicole Tano when she was talking in class.”

Darth Palmer “Your memory is fading, old man. Nicole Tano was MY Padawan.”

Obi-Miles “I’m talking about when she was a Youngling.”

Darth Palmer “You’re making me VERY angry!!!!!!”

Palmer lunges toward Obi-miles with his lightsaber, but Obi-Miles is able to block the attack. The Dark Lord & Obi-Miles continue to duel ….. which draws the attention of the River troopers guarding Romeo Solo’s ship. When the River troopers have bailed form being near the Blaxlandium Falcon …..

Romeo Solo “OK, let’s get outta here!!!!”

Nearby, the tense lightsabre dual continues ……

Darth Palmer “You are weak, old man. You should NOT have come back !!!”

Obi-Miles “I’ve seen the future, evil one, and if you strike me down, I’ll sooooo become more powerful that you could ever possibly imagine.”

Obi-Miles sees Xavier and the others heading towards the Falcon, and amends the way he holds his “blade” …. Making it VERY easy for him to be struck ….. and that’s EXACTLY what Lord Palmer does with his EVIL red lightsabre !!!!! Obi-Miles becomes one with the Force ….. but young Skywalker just can’t believe that his mentor is gone!!!!


Xavier starts firing his blaster at the Rivertroopers, wanting the ENTIRE Empire dead. Lord Palmer notices all that noise and starts to advance towards young Skywalker when Xavier hears Obi-Miles’ voice in his head …..

Obi-Miles’ ghost “Blast those doors and stop Darth Palmer from attacking you too, and run, Xavier, RUN!!!!!”

Xavier blasts the controls of the door, stopping Palmer form getting near him. Young Skywalker also runs and gets aboard the Blaxlandium Flacon. Now that EVERYONE that should be aboard is, Romeo Solo starts up the engines and HOPES Obi-Miles has shut down the tractor beam …….

Romeo Solo [as they pass beyond range of the tractor beam, with only he & Liambacca in the cockpit] “How easy was that. The Princess is SURE to LOOOOVE me now.”

All of a sudden, 4 Imperial Fighters approach, just as Princess Indigo & Xavier Skywalker enter the cockpit …..

Romeo Solo “Time to charge up the guns and blast those TIE Fighters into oblivion !!!!”

Princess Indigo [as the enemy fighters fire upon Romeo’s ship] “What’s a tourist cruise ship doing with guns anyway?”

Romeo Solo [as he preps to head for the laser canons] “Helps when those Imperials accuse me of NOT having a proper mooring license OR for space whales !!!”

Princess Indigo “But space whales are a PROTECTED species !!!”

Romeo Solo “NOT when they’re trying to EAT my ship. [the Falcon is hit several times by enemy fire] REALLY time to head for the canons. I LOOOOVE this ship more than life itself. Xavier, come with me, you’ll op the other canon.”

Romeo & Xavier head for the centre of the Blaxlandium Falcon, and activate the canons on both the top [Romeo] and bottom [Xavier] of the ship!!!!!


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Xavier sat at the controls of the large cannon protruding through a transparent shield. “So what do I do with this?” he asked Romeo over the communicator.

“The computer will lock onto the target for you,” Romeo, who was sitting behind the other cannon, told him. “You just press the trigger when it’s within your sights.”

“Oh, okay. You know, I seem to remember someone else having something like this recently. Some doctor…”

“Who?” Romeo shook his head. “I had these first. Anyone else who uses them is just copying me. Watch out, here they come!”


In the cockpit, Princess Indigo was sitting with gritted teeth as Liambacca flew the ship as fast as he could, seemingly ignoring the number of asteroids they were in danger of hitting. “Slow down!” she shouted at him. Liambacca glared at her and increased speed.

Dex3PO and AprilD2 were hovering behind them. AprilD2 bleeped a comment. “No, I don’t think I should take the controls,” Dex3PO replied, “Leave it to Liambacca. Musicians are used to driving too fast.”

Liambacca started making a ferocious bellowing noise. “Is that a song?” Princess Indigo asked.

“Yes,” Dex3PO replied. “That’s his ‘Touch the steering wheel, metalhead, and I’ll rip your head off’ song.” He noticed Indigo’s bemused look. “It didn’t get a very wide release.”


“I got one! I got one!” Xavier shouted excitedly as he blew up one of the Imperial fighters.

“Great!” Romeo shouted back sarcastically. “Let’s go for a drink and forget about the three that are still trying to kill us.”

Xavier looked sulky. “Okay, I was just saying.”

Romeo fired and destroyed another of the fighters. “Take that, Harvey!”

“Harvey?” Xavier asked.

“It helps me to channel my anger.”

“Oh, right.” With a roar of rage, Xavier fired and destroyed both the remaining fighters.

“What was that?” Romeo asked.

“I was just picturing all the guys that have run off with my droids.”

“Kid, you are seriously messed up.”


On the bridge of the Death Star, General Heath saw the reports and gulped hard before turning to his two superiors. “Ah, Grand Moff Braxtin, Lord Palmer, I have to report that all our fighters have been destroyed and the princess and the other rebels are escaping. Please don’t kill me.”

Darth Palmer looked at Grand Moff Braxtin. “What do you think, Grand Moff Braxtin? Should we kill him?”

“I don’t see why,” Braxtin replied. “Not when he has just brought us such good news.”

Heath was partly relieved but mostly confused. “Ah, four fighters destroyed? Rebel ship escaping with plans of the Death Star to alert the rebel fleet? Which bit was the good news?”

“Explain it to him,” Palmer told Braxtin. “Use small words.”


Xavier sat at the table in the rear section of the Blaxlandium Falcon, staring sadly into the middle distance. Princess Indigo sat down next to him and held his hand comfortingly. “Did you know Obi-Miles well?”

“No,” Xavier said in an appropriately sad voice. “Not at all. I only knew him about a day, actually. But he was an important character so we need to give his death a sense of significance.”

Princess Indigo nodded sagely. “You’re so right.” They both continued looking sad.

Romeo poked his head round the corner. “Hey, kids! We’ve just landed on Reefton Lakes 4. Last one out’s a rotten banana.”

They both ran after him.


Xavier, Romeo, Princess Indigo, Liambacca, Dex3PO and AprilD2 descended the ramp and found themselves in the hangar of the rebel base. Commander Marilyn Chambers came running over and hugged Indigo delightedly. “Indi, Indi, Indi! We were so worried about you! Isn’t it terrible what happened? Your home planet being destroyed, your father dead, millions of your people wiped out in seconds.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Indigo shrugged. “Actually, I’d kind of forgotten about that. We’ve been too busy feeling sad about the death of some bearded guy I never spoke to.”

Marilyn hugged her even more tightly. “You’re so brave.”

Indigo carefully extricated herself. “These are the handsome young men that rescued me.”

“Ohh….” Marilyn looked at Romeo and Xavier appreciatively. “We can’t thank you enough…”

“Well, we were kinda hoping, with us rescuing a princess, you’d give us some reward money,” Romeo told her.

“Oh.” Marilyn looked slightly miffed. “Well, the Alderaanian royal treasury kind of went up in smoke round about the time that, well, Alderaan went up in smoke. But if you talk to the quartermaster-sergeant over there, I’m sure she’ll give you a few barrels of fuel or some spare parts for your ship or a big box of doughnuts or something.”

Romeo followed the way she was pointing to where a short elderly woman was shouting “Yoo-hoo!” at him. “That’s the quartermaster-sergeant?”

“Ah, well, actually Mrs. Smart is the base tea lady. But she likes us to call her the quartermaster-sergeant because it makes her sound important.”

“Fair enough. You coming, Xavier?”

Xavier looked at Indigo and the rest of the base. But mostly at Indigo. “Actually, I think I’ll stay with the rebels and be stupidly heroic.”

“Fine. Come on, Liambacca.”

As Romeo and Liambacca left the group, General Elijah Johnsonna approached them and placed a hand on Indigo’s shoulder. “I’m glad to see you back with us, my child. I’ve been praying for your safe return. Of course, I’ve been praying to win the lottery as well but one out of two isn’t bad.”

“I’ve brought the plans of the Death Star, General,” Indigo told him. “With them, we’ll be able to find out its weaknesses and plan an attack.”

“Excellent work, Princess. Excellent work. A most important job. Commander Chambers, plan a meeting on the subject for two hours’ time, right after choir practise.”

“Yes, Reverend, I mean, General!” Marilyn called after him as he headed towards his vestry.

AprilD2 bleeped a comment. “No, General Johnsonna did not used to have an eye patch,” Dex3PO told her. AprilD2 bleeped again. “And he’s not the one from Holby City, either!”

Xavier suddenly nudged Indigo and pointed to a young man in oriental armour, who was practising thrusts with a sword. “Oh my god! It’s my old friend from Summer Bay, Jai Darklighter! He went off to a far off land.”

“Ah, the City,” Indigo observed.

“No, even further than that.”

“There’s something further away than the City?”

Xavier bounded over to his friend. “Hey, Jai!”

Jai swung his sword at him, stopping mere millimetres away from his throat. “Xavier, you should be careful. I’ve been training as a Samurai. I know fifteen and a half different ways to kill you with a sword.”

“You always said you wanted to join the rebels,” Xavier recalled. “Imagine us both ending up in the same army!”

“Yeah, what are the chances?” Jai nodded to the boy with him. “This is Casey Antilles. He used to be a Rivertrooper but he didn’t like working for the establishment.”

“We’re two of the rebels’ top fighter pilots now,” Casey explained. “You should see if you can join our squadron. We’re going to attack a space station that can destroy planets in these little one-man fighter ships.”

“Great!” Xavier agreed enthusiastically. “Who do I talk to?”


Officer Brodie looked round from his console. “Grand Moff Braxtin, the tracking device we placed on the rebel ship has been in the same place for a while now. Reefton Lakes 4. That must be where the rebel base is.”

“Excellent!” Braxtin declared. “General Heath, set a course for Reefton Lakes 4!”

“Ah, right away, Grand Moff Braxtin, sir.” Heath went over to Brodie and lowered his voice. “Do you know the way?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Good. Can you show me?”

“At last, the rebels are at our mercy!” Palmer declared.

“Right,” Braxtin agreed. “With this Death Star, we can destroy Reefton Lakes 4, the rebel base, the rebels, the rebels’ children and the rebels’ pets. And then, just for fun, we’ll bomb the North Pole and kill Father Christmas. And then we can laugh evilly.”

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Hey I'm not too sure about this update tell me what you think :D

Chapter 9

The Rebels are called to a strategy meeting for behind the operation attack on The Death Star.

“Welcome my children” General Elijah Johnsonna said placing his hands in a prayer motion.

“It is so good to see so many of you here” The faces of the gathered Rebels stared back at General Elijah’s smiling face.

Jai nudges Xavier’s arm laughing at Casey, who is rolling his eyes.

“Well we are here to discuss our attack plan on the Death Star” Casey shouts.

General Elijah looks down in a panic at the pile of papers placed on his little stand before him.

“Oh of course you are I knew that”

“You were going to preach to us about our good Lord weren’t you?”

“No” General Elijah says as he shoves pages of the bible into his long flowing robes.

Commander Chambers steps forward smiling shaking her finger at him while she tuts her disprove.

“Honestly Revered any excuse you get to bang on about our good Lord and you take it” she says laughing.

“Well I was still in the mood to sing his praises Commander Chambers, choir practice was so good today it made me feel all spiritual. I feel that is just what we is need as we prepare to attempt to destroy a battle station’s defences” General Elijah says looking over at Commander Chambers.

Jai turns to Xavier

“Did you ask anyone if you can join our squadron?”

Xavier nods, looking too excited to talk.

“Well come on who did you ask? Spit it out” Casey asks.

Xavier tries to find his voice as he excitedly points at Commander Chambers.

“Commander Chambers?” Jai asks puzzled.

“Yeah I asked Commander Chambers Xavier stammers.

“She said she could see it, the cards told her”

Jai and Casey looked at each sighing.

“Did she give you a tarot card reading?” they both ask.

Yes the cards say I am destined to be a fighter pilot and I was so happy I said I would do anything to thank her.”

Jai and Casey look at each with worried expressions on their faces.

“Oh no don’t tell us…..”

“Yep she wants to give me…….”

“A haircut?” Jai and Casey finish for him.

“Yep a very weird request don’t you think? Xavier asks scratching his head.

“She’s just opened a hair salon, she wants to be the best hairdresser in the galaxy. Rumour has it she’s not very good at it because she talks her customers over to the Darkside telling them all the pros and cons of being a rebel” Jai says.

“Well that will never happen with me. Obi Miles said I was the one to stop the Empire and bring peace”

“Oooh get you, you big show off” Jai says looking over at Casey.

Their little chat is stopped by a sudden cough making them jump.

“Excuse me did the good Lord not bless you with ears?”

The three young rebels nod back as General Elijah shuffles his papers.

“Then I advise you to listen. I will not be going through this attack plan again I have prayer time after this meeting.” Elijah says pulling down a projector screen.

“Now then this is a PowerPoint presentation of the Death Star” General Elijah says pointing at it with broad pointer shaped as a long crucifix. Quiet giggles can be heard near the back of the room.

“Why are you laughing? I can assure you the Death Star is no laughing matter. Why it is Satan himself in disguise” Elijah says his eyes darting round the room trying to pick out the source of the laughter pointing with his crucifix. Elijah beckons a giggling Rebel to his feet.

“Why are you laughing young rebel?” He asks.

“Who is she?”


“Her” The young rebel saying pointing at the projector screen.

“What are you talking about?” Elijah asks.

“I tell you now she’s no death star that’s for sure. She’s hot” the young rebel says. starting to giggle once again

General Elijah turns his head to take a look.

“Oh no I have opened the wrong file” Elijah says tapping the laptops keys in a panic.

“Where is the file on the Death Star General?” asks Commander Chambers stepping forward.

“This is suppose be it Commander but….”

“It would seem that you have overwritten the file with pictures of your supermodel fantasy girlfriend General” says Commander Chambers.

“Don’t worry General she’s my fantasy too and young Xavier’s here too” Casey says giving him a quick slap on the back.

“No she’s not I go for blondes anyway who is that woman?” Xavier asks turning round to hide his embarrassment as he catches a glimpse of Princess Indigo blushing at him.

“That is Leah Baker have you never heard of her?” Jai asks looking shocked.

“No” Xavier says looking back at the PowerPoint presentation as it goes through a slideshow of shots of this Leah Baker woman, pictures of her in her binki and even some of her licking big wooden spoons the caption above read once you try Greek you wont ever go back I’m talking about my cooking of course you naughty boy.

“Xavier she’s only the hottest supermodel in the whole of the galaxy. General Elijah prays every night for a chance to meet her” Jai explains.

“What do we do about the Death Star now through?” Xavier shouts.

“Oh do not worry I have made a rough copy of AprilD2’s data on these handy notepads” Elijah says starting to hand them out.

“I can’t read this your hand writing is terrible” Xavier moans.

“Young Skywalker it is quite simple to make out” Elijah says glancing at his messy looking hand writing.

“What does it say?”

“Oh something like oh my is this just awful” Elijah says.

“Oh yes something like you will have to make a direct hit at a 2 metres wide target point near the exhaust port just below the main port of the Death Star. If you do this you’re be laughing” Elijah says patting Xavier on the shoulder.

The three fighter pilots groan.

“Oh come on it’s an easy pesie job” Elijah says smiling.

“Oh yeah why don’t you do it then?” Casey asks.

“I er need to keep praying for your souls that is a very important job” General Elijah then processes to push the three fighter pilots towards the door.

The noise and the busy vibe of the hanger bay adds to Xavier’s excitement as he casts his eyes over to where the fighter jets are stationed.


“Magnificent aren’t they are equip with the wideness choice of weaponry that this galaxy has ever seen. Plus there are pray mats stationed at the back of the aircraft in the event of you busting into flames” General Elijah says giving Xavier a playful little slap on the back.

“Or you could just use the ejector seat dude” Casey says as he turns to Elijah glaring.

“Ah yes there is that option of course” Elijah says starting to walk back as he is missing his all and important praying hour with one quick glance around at Xavier he says.

“May the Lord be with you young Skywalker”

“Er shouldn’t that be May The Force be with you?” Jai asks laughing.

“Ah yes that too” Elijah says as he rushes off.

A young pilot walks over to Xavier with Dex3PO and AprilD2 following.

“Do you want a new D2 unit young Skywalker? She looks a bit banged up” he says.

“No she and I have been through a lot and I think Dex3PO is rather taken with her I want to take her along with me on the mission too.”

Dex3PO gives AprilD2 a big hug.

“Hurry back my sexy little metal friend it gets very boring without you” says Dex3PO

AprilD2 beeps sadly back at Dex3PO.

Xavier catches sight of Romeo Solo and Liambacca. it looks like they are packing up to leave. Xavier quickly tells Jai and Casey to wait there for him, they protest and moan at him to be quick. Xavier kindly reminds them it is very unlikely the rebels would start this mission without him seeing as he is their last hope of defeating the Empire Jai and Casey quickly agree as he runs over to Romeo Solo and Liambacca.

“Hey guys are you going somewhere? I thought you would stick round to see the Death Star destroyed”

“We would love too there is nothing in this whole wide galaxy we would love more than that” Romeo Solo says.

“Really?” Xavier asks.

“No of course not your on a suicide mission how can you possibility hit a target zone 2 metres wide?” Romeo asks.

“Well I was very good when using your cannon guns on your ship and I was a tad shot at pool once too”

“Well have fun with it all but I must be off now” Romeo Solo says.

“Where you off too? To find your Juliet?” Xavier asks.

“If only it was that simple young Skywalker, I have agreed to go to one of Liambacca’s gigs tonight”

Liambacca howls with happiness with at least conning someone to buy a ticket.

“That will be a treat for you” Xavier says looking smug.

Liambacca goes over to him knocking his hand open and placing what very much looks like a disc.

“What is this?” Xavier says with great wonder.

“That my young blonde friend is one of Liambacca’s CDs he wants you to listen to it while you travel to the Death Star, he says he hopes his smoothing voice will calm your nerves” Romeo Solo says.

Xavier who is secretly sacred of Liambacca accepts his music and promise’s he will listen to it.

“Did you ever get paid Romeo?” Xavier asks.

“Only in jam doughnuts Liambacca gets all the controls sticky in my beloved Blaxlandium Falcon Romeo solo shouts shaking a fist at Colleen. The tea lady who comes rushing over in hope of getting Liambacca’s autograph.

“OOOOH young Skywalker you must have one of my iced buns I insist” Colleen says.

“Er no thanks”

“What about chocolate mud cake for your journey? What with you being a growing boy and everything” she says handing him a box. Xavier nervously goes over to his fighter jet showing Jai and Casey the chocolate mud cake they nod licking their lips.

“Well young Skywalker may the force and Liambacca’s tone deaf voice be with you” Romeo Solo says earning a growl from his hairy friend.

“Thanks” Xavier says.

As Casey and Jai goes to get ready, Princess Indigo runs over to Xavier.

“Er I just came to say good luck”

“Er Thanks”

“Oh Xavier don’t go all shy on me. Can I just say you look very handsome in your flight suit?”

“Wow you think so?” Xavier asks grinning.

“Hurry back my blond hero” she says giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and runs off quickly giggling. Xavier watches her go he nearly trips as he starts

climbing abroad his jet he hands over the chocolate mud cake to Jai and Casey in their jets.

Xavier is settling into his jet working out where all the right buttons are. He places Liambacca’s CD into the ship’s little compact disc player, his eyes grow wide as he tucks into his mud cake getting the chocolate spread all over his face. The shock of Liambacca’s voice blasting through the ships speakers scares him half to death making him drop his cake, he covers his ears with his hands.

“Xavier wooooooooooo I am the ghost of Christmas past, present and future”

“What is someone there because if there is I can’t hear you over the racket of a rockstar who can’t sing”

“I said Xavier woo……. I, screw this its me obi Miles”

“Obi Miles but how your dead?” Xavier shouts.

“I don’t know I can speak to you sometimes I’m here to say may the force be with you and also have you seen my bowl of cereal I’m sure its round here somewhere?”

“Er no” Xavier shouts.

“Xavier can you read me over”

“Yes Jai I can read you over”

“Did you see Commander Chambers chasing us with her scissors wanting to give you a haircut as we took off over.”

“Yep anyway I can’t get through to Casey over”

“Ah he has his mouth full with cake at the minute over”

“Ah I see over”

“Careful now Xav Darth Palmers River Trooper’s ship dead ahead over”

“Fire when ready my little minions” Darth Palmer says rubbing his hands.

“Ah minions Despicable Me,that’s very good movie” General Heath says.

Drath Palmer turns to Grand Moff Braxtin.

“We are nearly finished here its nearly time to kill Father Christmas”

They both begin their evil laugh.

“Oh no don’t kill Santa” General Heath begs them stating to cry.

“Take that you River Trooper” Xavier screams.

“Wow you just got another one well done over”

“Hell yeah Jai I’m the master at this over”


“PULL UP CASEY” Xavier screams.


“USE YOUR EJECTER SEAT” screams Xavier.

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  • 2 weeks later...


Casey Antilles “No, wait. I’VE got a better idea. GypsyD5, my trusty astromech, help me out of this mess.”

GypsyD5 beeps condescendingly

Casey [annoyed] “I KNOW you don’t like going all domestic goddess, but we’re BOTH gonna DIE if you don’t help me out.”

GypsyD5 beeps kinda curiously at Casey

Casey [as his ship hurtles towards the Death Star] “You’re BLACKMAILING me????”

GypsyD5 beeps cheekily !!!!

Casey “OK, OK, OK. I’ll make sure you’re NEVER teamed with that Dani protocol droid EVER again !!!!!”

GypsyD5 beeps happily ……and activates a sensor within the cockpit, which cleans Casey’s gloves [with sonic shower-ish technology] and Casey quickly firmly grabs hold of the controls and stops his craft from crashing into the Imperial battle station. Casey rejoins the battle ……. and he’s not the only one …..

General Heath “Lord Palmer, the rebels are attacking us with teeny tiny ships that are evading our turbo lasers.”

Darth Palmer [disappointedly] “Never send a RiverTrooper to do a MAN’S job. Get the crews their fighters, and NO RiverTroopers amongst them !!!!”

Darth Palmer senses that young Skywalker is amongst the rebel attacks squad ….. and calls upon his 2 most trusty TIE Fighters pilots to go with him into combat. He gladly knows that these 2 aren’t just RiverTroopers in black flight suits.


Meanwhile in the skies above the Death Star, the battle twen the Imperial fighters and the Rebels is intense!!!!! Our heroes Xavier, Casey & Jai often seem VERY outnumbered, but they time and time gain manage to evade getting shot down by the EVIL Imperials. MANY of the fellow rebel pilots aren’t so lucky ….. as they discover that the TIE Fighter pilots, sadly for the rebeks’ sake, aren’t just RiverTroopers in flight suits!!!!!

With most of the rebel attack squad now disabled or destroyed, Xavier, Casey & Jai make their way into the Death Star’s trenches …… the exhaust port they need to hit will not too soon for now be in target range. Our trio of heroes look set to gloriously destroy the evil battle station when Darth Palmer and his henchmen appear not too far behind them. Lord Palmer laughs a VERY evil laugh before he fires his lasers at Jai !!!!!!! ….destroying the rebel hero’s ship !!!!!

Xavier is spooked by what’s happened ….. his good friend gone FOREVER, but …….

Obi-Miles’ ghost “Jai is one with the Force now. He’s not cooool and ghostly like me, but you need a clear head if you’re gonna destroy the Death Star.”

Xavier is indeed most encouraged by the words of his late mentor, and continues his mission.


On Reefton Lakes 4, Commander Chamber is most concerned by the actions of General Elijah ……

Commander Chambers [sternly] “Do you REALLY think that it appropriate to be PRAYING right now?”

General Elijah “Yes, it is, my child. I’m calling forth the spirit of our fallen hero, Obi Miles, so he can help us at most darkest hour ….. AND to know HOW he’s ALWAYS got GREAT food on him. A rebellion can’t live on bread and water alone, you know.”

Commander Chambers “Oh well, at least you’re trying to summon the spirit of our departed friend, and not some other divine being.”

General Elijah “Of course, I am. Sure, I've said the Lord instead of the Force a “few” times ….. it just takes some getting used to, knowing that that ancient religion is back on the scene.”

Not THAT far way from those two is Princess Indigo. She can see the Death Star is fast closing in, and will be in firing range shortly and is worried bout not only her own survival, but all of the Rebel Alliance, including that short “RiverTrooper” who rescued her. Princess Indigo is intrigued when …..

Obi Miles’ ghost “You can’t have feelings for him, Princess. Think of his blondeness.”

Princess Indigo [overawed by the sitch, seeing the ghost of Obi-Miles] “All blondes aren’t stupid. Just look at me. I managed to get the Death Star plans to the rebels even though I was captured by that SLIMY Lord Palmer. [realises something] Hey, if you’re dead, how can you be talking to me?”

Obi Miles’ ghost “DAMN !!!!! This is still the 1st Death Star, not the 2nd one. I’ve soooooooo gotta get used to being totally one with the Force. Bye now.”

Princess Indigo [as Obi-Miles’ ghost disappears] “WAIT !!!! Sooooooo many questions to be answered.

Princess Indigo focuses back on the battle in the skies over the Death Star, with only Xavier & Casey “standing” in the way of Darth Palmer and his EVIL cronies destroying the Rebellion …….


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