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Dingo Sheila Woman

Guest Jay Preston

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Dingo Sheila Woman: EVIL has a name

The residents of Summer Bay wandered through pointless lives in their usual clouds of self interest. Some people were concerned about their lovers and if their lovers would ever change into the person they wanted them to be. Others cared only for their children, wondering if they would embarrass them today with a stupid stunt or ridiculous lie.

Life in Summer Bay continued as normal. There hadn't been a psycho around for a while; people got complacent. And since no one ever got particularly scared by psychos anyway, it was still basically the same routine as always. Get together with lover, walk on beach, break up over stupid reason, go to work/school, go swimming, order things in the diner with no intention of consuming them, make up with lover, have an affair, then go to bed.

But things were about to change. Evil had arrived. But no one was bothered. The self interest clouds were particularly thick this day. Something had happened to someone else, meaning everyone was thinking about themselves and how it affected them.


"Who did it then?" asked Irene, looking at unwholesome little guest star in the corner.

"It was evil!" declared Leah.

"Funny how neither of YOU were in the diner when it went to hell in 100 000 pieces," stated Morag.

Everyone was suspicious. Evil was in town, and it was personal. Even though only guest stars died.

"Oh well, we just need to find a new place to set up business," said Leah.

"HEARTLETH!" declared Colleen, who lost her two front teeth in the blast tried to say. She was saying "HEARTLESS!" but now had a debilitating lisp.

Everyone was angry at everyone else. Some people sided with unwholesome little guest star, while the others thought he was to blame. The police wouldn't leave unwholesome little guest star alone. He left town.

Tensions were high.

But no one knew the truth. This was the act of the Dingo Sheila Woman. The first truly evil person to ever enter the Bay. She didn't even have a weak link to the Bay. She was just nasty, and very Australian. Wore gum boots and an Acubra hat. Her campaign of evil was just beginning.

Summer Bay was getting a taste of Dingo Sheila Woman.

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Dingo Sheila Woman Part Two

"Golly, y'all, I just don't know," said Jack.

"What a surprise, you stupid boy. Do you come into my presence with the express purpose of annoying me. You truly are abhorrent. Get away from me, idiot fool," declared Morag. The venom in her words was potent and knocked Jack unconscious. "I still got it," said Morag, clicking her fingers and moving her head around in an uncharacteristic but hilarious show of baditude.

Jack was of course referring to the blowing up of the Bayside Diner, responsible for turning many guest stars into stew. Which wasn't eaten. By people.

People didn't realise that evil was in the Bay. And that evil had a name.

Dingo Sheila Woman.

Alf was skipping along the beach, ankle deep in the water. "It's a lovely day todaaaaaaaaaaay," he hummed to himself. Then he tripped over and went face first into the salty water of the Bay.

Dingo Sheila Woman.

She tripped him.

Not really though. She wasn't near him at the time. She was at the gym and bar. Essentially she was really at the surf club, since that is where those businesses reside.

"Who's that woman?" asked Lucas.

"Don't know Lucas. She's very Australian. She looks like the woman version of Granddad," replied Ric. But Ric had other things on his mind. Like sex. "When are we going to reveal our secret love affair?" he asked.

"I don't know," said Lucas.

"This would make a great TV show," mused Ric. They went and made out in the change rooms.

Dingo Sheila Woman walked around the surf club. She had decided to blow this place up too, but there were too many regulars around, so she changed her mind.

She sprayed poison around the school. Students dead everywhere. Vomit.

"Ew gross, it's so evil," said Sally.

"Interesting how you survived the poison," stated Morag.

And again everyone was suspicious of each other. Dingo Sheila Woman laughed.

Dingo Sheila Woman went to see Alf. To seduce him. Because she thought he was hot as chilli.

She didn't succeed. Because Alf wasn't home. But her plan was revealed. Alf was her next victim. And she was going to use him to destroy the Bay.

Through... death.

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