The Dark Horse

[LauraPhilly!!]

Story title: The Dark Horse

Type of story: Long fic.

Main characters: Belle, Iliana, Aden, few others

BTTB rating: G/T

Genre: General

Does this story include spoilers: No

Any warning: A few swear words might crop up along the way but nothing too nasty! (L, SC, V/D)

Summary: It's the year 2068. Belle is on her way out. She gives her daughter Iliana her diary from when she was a teenager. When Iliana opens this diary, she steps into another world of love, pain and separation.

The Dark Horse - A Diary, a Girl, a Guy, Love and the one thing that could ruin everything, came and tore them apart.

Chapter 1: In Gods Hands

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if I had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice. - Robert Frost.

Iliana got up from her seat as the doctor came into the hall.

Seeing her, he closed the door and walked over to her, his face grave.

"I'm sorry," he said. "There is nothing more we can do. Your mother is in Gods hands now."

Iliana nodded and sat back down again, burying her head in her hands.

Her husband Chris put his arm around her, and squeezed her reassuringly.

"I'm not ready," said Iliana, lifting her head, her eyes sparkling with tears.

Chris squeezed her again.

"I know," he said. "But we have to be."

*

Opening her eyes a crack, Belle smiled as she saw her daughter coming in.

As she tried to reach out to her, she found she couldn't.

She was too tired.

Instead, Iliana quickly took her mothers hand, and down on the chair beside her, stroking her hand soothingly.

Belle waited for what her daughter had to say.

"The..." began Iliana, but she couldn't go on.

Tears began to fall from her eyes, as she buried her face in Belle's hand.

"Shh, it's ok darling," whispered Belle, stroking her daughter's hair. "It's ok, everything's going to be ok."

Looking into her mothers eyes and seeing the hope that lay within them, gave Iliana the courage to say what she had to say.

"The doctors, Mum," she said, not meeting Belle's eyes, but instead focusing on the red roses in her nightdress. "They can do no more."

There was a pause.

Then Iliana heard a sigh, and she looked up to see her Mum twirling the ring on her left hand.

"You still haven't told me who got you that, you know," said Iliana, chuckling lightly.

Belle didn't reply, but simply looked back at her daughter with serious eyes, taking both her hands.

Iliana's smile faded away quickly.

"It's time," whispered Belle.

Iliana looked at her tearfully.

"I would like to go home."

*

"Easy does it," said the paramedics as they lowered Belle onto her bed.

Iliana and Chris stood in the doorway, his arms wrapped around her chest.

"You sure your comfortable ma'am," asked the paramedic.

"I'm more than comfortable," said Belle, smiling lightly. "Thank you Alan, for everything."

"It has been a pleasure ma'am," said Alan, smiling and bowing slightly.

Nodding at Iliana and Chris, he and his colleague left the room.

"I'll be in the kitchen ok honey," said Chris, quietly.

"Ok," said Iliana, looking into his eyes.

Chris kissed her forehead, his lips hesistating there for a moment. Smiling at Belle, he stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Iliana looked over at her Mum, slightly afraid to come any closer, she already looked so fragile.

Belle chuckled lightly.

"Come here darling," she said, patting the side of the bed.

Walking over, Iliana carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.

Belle took her hand, while she looked around the room.

"Never in a million years did I think I would be lying in this bed again," she said, smiling at she remembered. "So many great memories are in this room. Memories that I will never forget."

Iliana stayed silent, stroking her Mum's hand.

Looking into her daughter's fearful eyes, Belle smiled.

"I'd like to talk to the children now," she said, softly.

*

Belle opened her eyes again.

It was getting harder each time.

Soon, it would be her last.

Looking around the room, remembering where she was, she saw her sixteen year old grandson standing in the furthest corner of the room.

"Darling, you don't have to look so scared," she said, reaching her hand out to the teenager. "I'm still the same, boring, old grandma."

"You were never boring Grandma," said George, walking over and taking her hand. "Just old fashioned."

Belle chuckled.

"That joke is never going to get old is it," she said.

George shook his head.

"If it helps me remember you, I'll never forget it Grandma."

Belle smiled and squeezed his hand.

"You know this is just my time George," she said. "I would never leave if I had a choice. I would never want to cause you or Abbey such pain."

George looked down into his lap.

"I know," he murmered. "I'm just going to miss you so much Grandma."

"Oh, come here honey," she said, as she heard him begin to cry.

He flung himself into her arms, burying his face in her warm chest.

"I will always be with you," she said, as she kissed his hair. "Never forget that."

"I'll never forget Gran," he said, looking into her eyes.

"Be a good boy," said Belle, putting her hands on either side of his face. "Help your Mum, and sister. Promise me?"

"I promise Grandma," he said.

"Good boy," said Belle, smiling. "And would you do something else for me too?"

"Anything," said George.

Turning away, Belle slipped her hand under the sheets and pulled out a pink and purple decorated book.

"I need you to give this to your Mum for me, when I'm gone," she said.

"No please Gran, don't talk about it," said George desparately.

"Honey, I haven't got much time left to talk about it," said Belle softly. "My time is almost up."

"Please don't say that."

"Promise you'll give your Mum the book," said Belle, seriously.

"I promise," said George, inbetween sobs. "I promise."

*

"Be gentle now sweetheart," said Chris, as he pulled Abbey up onto his lap, where he sat beside Belle. "Grandma's not very well at the moment."

"Is Tina Tummy upset Grandma," asked Abbey, her little hand clasped tightly around three of her dad's fingers.

"No Tina's fine darling," said Belle, chuckling at her granddaughter's innocence. "Grandma's just getting ready to take her last sleep."

"Your last sleep?" asked Abbey, her eyebrows sinking into a frown.

"Why's it your last sleep Grandma?"

"Well, you know how Daddy told you that everyone's got a clock in there heart?" asked Belle.

"Yes," said Abbey, shaking her head madly. "Daddy named his Benny."

"Well Benny's batery is almost up in my heart baby," said Belle.

"Can we fix it Grandma?" asked Abbey, her eyes sad.

"No we can't baby I'm sorry," said Belle.

"Will you be with Granddaddy in heaven?" asked Abbey, putting her thumb in her mouth.

"Yes, I will be with Granddaddy!" said Belle, smiling.

"Will you gives him big hug from me?"

"I will," said Belle, smiling.

"Big kiss for Grandma?" asked Chris.

Pushing her lips into a pout, Abbey leaned forward and kissed Belle on the cheek.

"Love you Grandma," she said, as Chris lifted her into his arms.

"Love you too baby," said Belle, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Always."

"Chris?"

Chris turned and looked at Belle.

"Thank you."

Chris smiled, walked back over and kissed Belle on the cheek.

"Thanks Mum," he said. "I will miss you."

"Take good care of everybody," said Belle, sternly.

Chris chuckled. "I promise I will."

*

"'I didn't worry about tripping on my train or giggling at the wrong moment,'" read Iliana. "'Or being too young or the staring audience or even the empty seat where my best friend should be.

I was with Edward in my happy place."

Iliana closed the book and put it down on the bedside locker.

"My favourite book," whispered Belle.

Iliana nodded. "Mine too."

Belle sighed heavily, and Iliana's eyes flashed to her.

"Mum, are you ok?"

"Yes," said Belle. "Ready to sleep I think."

"Do you want me to go?" asked Iliana.

"No, I want you to stay, and sleep with me."

Iliana smiled and lay down on the bed beside her Mum.

Belle wrapped her arms around her and they snuggled up to each other.

"The last time I did this you had a bad nightmare, remember?" said Belle, chuckling lightly.

Iliana smiled.

"I remember."

*

The sun crept through the blinds that morning in Belle's old room.

If someone had opened the door, they would have seen two peaceful women, sleeping on the bed.

A mother and daughter.

But while they're were two people in the room, there was now only one spirit.

Let me know what you think!!

xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

Aw thanks for all your lovely comments!!

Nice to see some old names reading my new fics!! Good to see you again LAURZY!!

So, here's the next chapter!

Chapter 2: The Angels Will Take Care of You

Iliana stood again in the doorway, Chris's arms around her.

She saw the doctor lift his fingers from her Mum's neck and nodd quickly at the paramedics.

Iliana closed her eyes.

Chris held her tighter to his chest.

"I'm here," he whispered in her ear.

She sobed and turned and buried her face in his chest.

*

Iliana vaguely remembered the next few days.

Chris and the kids stayed with her for the most part part.

Visitors and family friends popped in from time to time.

Even very old friends.

Iliana remembered Clare bringing her Mum, Nicole, who had taken her hand and squeezed it tightly.

She couldn't remember sleeping at night.

She lay, every night, in Chris's arms, curled up on their bed.

But even though he sang softly in her ear, Iliana couldn't drift off.

*

The sun crept under the blinds in the room.

Iliana felt Chris stir beside her, and snuggle closer.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked, seeing her open, cold eyes.

"Fine," said Iliana.

Chris frowned but still kissed her hair, her neck, then sighed heavily.

"You know what day it is?"

Iliana didn't say anything.

She knew.

Of course she knew.

How could she forget?

*

Iliana was pulled out of her thoughts as she heard a knock on the door.

It opened and in walked George.

"Are you ok honey?" asked Iliana.

George held up his black tie.

"I couldn't do it," he said. "My hands were shaking too bad."

Taking the tie from him, Iliana wound it around her son's neck, tying it neatly.

"How do you do it Mum?" asked George, as she admired her work. "How can you be so calm?"

Iliana laughed but there was no humor in her voice.

"Believe me honey, I'm not calm," she said. "It's eating away at me too."

"Yeah, I know," said George, looking down uncomfortably. "I'm just not sure how much longer I can hold it in."

Iliana frowned at her son's pain, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't hold it in honey," she said. "Let it out. It'll help you feel better."

George shook his head, as tears fell from his eyes.

"No it won't!" he cried, burying his face in his Mum's lap.

She kissed him, tears rolling down her cheeks too.

"Shh, it's going to be ok darling," she sobbed. "It's going to be ok."

*

"Today, we have gathered to say goodbye to a very special person," said the priest, as Chris, George, Geoff and two other men, lifted Belle's coffin.

"Now...it is time to say goodbye."

Iliana and her family walked out into the blinding sunlight, behind Belle's coffin.

As Belle's coffin was lowered into the hurse, George ran over to his Mum and buried his face. She wrapped her arm around him, her other carrying Abbey.

As they sat into the hurse, Abbey climbed up onto Iliana's lap and curled up against her chest.

"Mummy, I want to go home," she murmered.

Iliana kissed her softly.

"We're going home soon baby."

"Very soon."

*

Iliana had never felt so cold as she had when she watched her Mum's coffin being lowered into the ground.

Even with Chris's arms wrapped around her, she felt cold.

So cold.

"Belle Davies," said the priest. "The Angels will take care of you."

Let me know what you think!!

xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

Thanks for all your lovely comments everyone!!

I knew that last bit would surprise you all but I promise it'll become clearer as the story progresses!!

Hope you like this chapter!

Chapter 3: Never Met the Queen

"It was the way she would have wanted to go," said Geoff as he drank his tea.

The few people that has remained after the burial had journeyed back to Chris and Iliana's house for tea and biscuits.

"She had a great life! She did everything she wanted to do," he said.

They all nodded.

"Not everything!" Iliana pointed out. "She never got to go to London to meet the Queen!"

Everyone laughed.

"Well she did almost everything," chuckled Geoff.

"I'm serious," murmered Iliana, but only Chris heard it.

He squeezed her arm that he held comfortingly.

*

The visitors stayed well into the evening.

It was only when Abbey fell asleep in Iliana's arms, that everyone realised it was time to go.

"Thank you everyone," said Chris, following them to the door. "Your support has been much appreciated"

"Dad?" said George, as Chris came back into the living room, his eyes heavy with tiredness.

"Would it be too late to give Mum something?"

Chris yawned and checked his watch.

"I'd say leave it 'till tomorrow Georgie. Your Mum's had a long day. She'll be tired."

"Ok," said George, turning and walking up the stairs to his room.

"I just hope she sleeps," muttered Chris, turning off the lamp, plunging the living room into darkness.

*

As always, the sun crept into their room the next morning, but Iliana was not asleep.

It didn't matter that the bags under her eyes were now becoming to look like purple bruises.

She didn't care that Chris was talking to his fellow doctors about prescribing her sleeping pills.

Right now, she didn't even think they would put her to sleep.

She rolled over, expecting to find Chris asleep but all she was found was an empty bed.

"Chris?" she murmered.

"Christian?" she called a little louder.

She couldn't remember him getting up!

Had she fallen asleep after all, or was she just going crazy?

"Christian!" she shouted out, now beginning to panic.

The door burst open and Chris came rushing in.

"Honey, it's ok, it's ok," he said, standing over her. "I'm here!"

"Where were you? Why did you leave me?" Iliana asked frantically, holding onto the collar of his shirt.

"I was just in the kitchen getting you some juice!" he said, patting her hair soothingly.

"Ok, well don't leave me," she cried. "Please don't leave me! I need you! I need you so much!"

He sat down on the bed, and pulled her close.

"I will never leave you," he promised, kissing her softly. "Never ever."

But instead of smiling with relief, Iliana found herself crying, sobbing louder and louder.

Large drops of tears fell from her eyes, staining Chris' shirt.

He held her close, rocking her gently.

He hoped she would be better after this.

He hoped she would be the old Iliana he fell in love with.

*

George took a deep breath and knocked gently on his parents door.

Pushing it open, he saw Chris stroking his Iliana's face as she slept beside him.

Her face was pale but slightly red, like she had been crying.

Chris looked up at George, who quickly hid the book behind his back.

"Maybe later son."

Let me know what you think!!

xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

Thanks for all your lovely comments everyone!!

Glad your enjoying it so far!

Let me if you know if it gets boring or anything!

Here's the next chapter!!

Chapter 4: Light of my Dark World

"It's a week since Grandma's funeral," said George. "And I still haven't given Mum the book!"

"Well you've both had a lot going on," said Lisa, as they sat in the cantine at lunch. "I mean you Mum's only just accepted what's happened and you've got your HSC's to focus on."

"But if I can't spare even a few minutes to be with my Mum how does that make me feel?"

Lisa put her hand on his sympathetically.

"I know its tough but you shouldn't worry," she said softly. "The right time will come to give the book to you Mum, and it'll be when you least expect it!"

*

Walking down the hallway, Iliana wondered what she should do next.

She couldn't go to work.

They wouldn't let her deliver babies in her condition.

"I'd probably inject the Mother with the wrong or something," she muttered to herself.

Passing George's bedroom, she peered in and frowned at the mess on the floor.

Bending down, she picked up a pair of dirty socks.

"God help the woman he marries!" she said, going into the room, keen to make a start on the cleaning process.

It was only when she opened his wardrobe to put in some fresh clothes that she noticed something.

Something that definately shouldn't be in a 16 year old boys bedroom.

It was a large book, like a photo album, covered in hearts, stars, glitter and photos.

Picking up the book, she immediatly recognised her Mum in the pictures.

She was smiling widely, her brown hair just resting on her shoulders but what caught Iliana by surprise was the guy she was with.

He had blonde spiky hair and was smiling too, smiling at her Mum.

But the feature that stood out the most in his face was his sparkling blue eyes. Iliana had never seen anything so bright.

Iliana didn't know this man. She hadn't met him before.

Undoing the ribbon, which kept the book closed, with shaky hands, Iliana jumped slightly as a letter fell into her lap.

It was adressed to her.

Tearing away the seal carefully, she pulled out the letter and unfolded it.

To my darling Iliana, it read.

If you are reading this now, it means I am no longer with you.

While you may shed I tear at this, I can only smile because dying, death is a whole new adventure. It is never the end.

This book, this diary, contains a secret which I've kept from you for many years. Not being able to fully deal with it myself, I knew I would find it almost impossible to tell you.

You, my pride and joy.

I could not shatter you happines, because that is what this secret will do. Shatter your happiness.

I am crying now as I even think about it but I can only hope that you will find some solace out of it. I never did, but I hope you can.

If I could I would never sign off from this letter but that would only make it worse for you. Hopefully, when you read my diary you feel better because I am in every one of those pages, so you cannot forget me.

I love you forever my love. You have always been my greatest joy, the light in my dark, dark world.

Forever yours,

your Mother.

Trailing her fingers down the page, Iliana smiled but tears fell from her tears.

Hearing noise coming up the stairs, she quickly stuffed the letter in her pocket and got up to put the book back.

"Mum, what are doing?"

Iliana looked up to see George standing in the door.

"Nothing, nothing," said Iliana, hiding the book.

"Is that Grandma's diary?" he asked, pointing to the book.

Iliana frowned.

"How do you know that?"

George suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"I guessed?"

Iliana didn't buy it.

"George, why did you have your Grandma's diary?" she asked, sternly. "Did you take it from her?"

"No Mum, of course I didn't!" said George shocked. "She gave it to me!"

Iliana stepped back, surprised.

"She gave it to you?"

"Yeah, she did," said George, still angry. "She gave it to me to give it to you!"

Iliana was stunned.

"Well why hadn't you given it to me sooner?"

"Didn't have the chance did I?" said George, still frowning. "I've wanted to give it to you for ages."

Iliana relaxed.

"I'm sorry honey, I should never have accused you."

"It's ok," said George, sighing. "The right time was never gona come anyway."

Iliana smiled and ruffled his hair.

"Your the best you know that," she said.

George grinned. "Yeah I know."

*

Taking some time out after dinner, Iliana retreated to her room.

Closing the door behind her, she pulled back the covers of her bed and took out the diary.

Opening the first page, she took a deep breath and began to read.

Dear Diary,

Well, I know it's a bit pathetic but I've decided to start up my diary again.

I can't guarantee I'll be able to write in it every night....who knows what my boyfriend and I will get up to! But I promise I will write as often as I can.

Anyway, talking about my boyfriend, his name's Aden and we've been going out for two months, on and off.

I say on and off because our relationship was a bit unstable at first.

Aden's had a really tough past. To be honest, I don't know how he got through half of it. I could never be that strong!

His Mum died when he was only small, that must have been so hard, then his Dad got hooked onto drink, and then lost his job. Believe me, the worst is still to come. Then his Grandad moved in to help Larry with the boys, but that turned out the worst thing ever.

I have tears coming to my eyes even as I write it.

Ok here goes....Aden's grandfather abused him.

I know, I couldn't believe it either! When he told me...oh my God, I could not stop crying. We both were crying our eyes out for hours on my bed. He's been hiding it from everybody his entire life. It must have been eating away at him.

Anyway, it's been two weeks since he told me and we've been getting along great since then. I've been helping him as much as I can. I've suggested a psychologist but he's not keen on the idea.

Just between you and me too, he is sooo hot! His body, yeah he shows it off and he's not its nice, but it is just way more than nice! But would melt on him, he is so hot! And when he smiles at me.....my heart stops. He takes my breath away.

And we work together, we is great too! So we're like spending all our time together. Oh he's brilliant, I like him so much!

Today at the diner....

"Here's some more dirty dishes," said Aden, walking into the kitchen, and plunking them into the sink.

"Aden!" cried Belle, as the soapy water spilled out over the sink and onto her dress. "Oh Aden, I'm soaked!"

"Your also hot too!" said Aden, grinning and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Aden no, we're working!" said Belle, trying to fight him off from kissing her neck.

"Oh c'mon," said Aden in her ear. "You know you love it!"

"Ok," said Belle, closing her eyes and letting him trail kisses up and down her neck.

Moving up her jaw, Aden quickly claimed her lips passionately.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Belle kissed him back, neither of them realising Irene walking into the kitchen.

"Excuse me," she said, smacking Aden's arm lightly.

They both pulled apart, their arms still around each other though.

"This is a kitchen," said Irene, indicating around the room. "Not a luuurve zone!"

Belle giggled, and pulled her arms down, her hands instead resting on his toned stomach.

"Back to work please," said Irene sternly walking back out to the diner.

"C'mon, she's serious," said Belle, trying to pull away.

Aden's arms remained tight around her.

"One more," he said, smiling at her seductively.

Not even answering this jump, Belle jumped into his arms and claimed his lips passionately.

....and then Irene walked in again and practically screamed at us to go back to work.

She put me to work clearing tables and Aden to putting together the food.

So we finished work around five and then went down for a walk on the beach.

Oh it was so beautiful! The wind running through my hair, my fingers intwined in his.....

"Aden no! Don't you dare! Aden!"

Before she had a chance to defend herself, Aden bent down and lifted her into his arms.

"Aden, put me down!" said Belle, hitting him playfully.

"No!" said Aden, as they walked along the beach. "Not until you admit that your turned on by my body!"

"No I'm not," said Belle, looking away, trying to hide a grin. "I'm not turned on at all by your....body."

"Well then it must be some other part of me?"

"How about your personality?" asked Belle, running her fingers through his hair.

"No, it can't be just that," said Aden, kneeling down onto the sand, sliding Belle out of his arms. "That's a lame excuse."

"Well, it's the truth," said Belle, undoing her dress buttons to reveal her bikini.

Aden watched her, his eyes smoldering, as she stretched out on the sand.

"Oh it's so warm...so beautiful," she said, closing her eyes as she looked up at the sun.

"Nothing is that beautiful," said Aden, pulling off his shirt. "Not with you here in comparison."

"You are so cheesy," said Belle, as Aden rolled to hover over her.

"That must be why you love me," he said, bending down and claiming her lips.

....my heart took off in flight as kissed me.

It does everytime!

Again, something else to be between the two of us.

It's getting late, I better go!

Aden will be coming over soon and I don't need him finding this! Too many secrets would be revealed!

Love always, Belle xx

Iliana closed the book, and took in a deep breath.

Did she want to read anymore?

"Mummy!" called Abbey, pulling Iliana suddenly out of her thoughts.

"Yes, sweety," said Iliana putting the diary in the closet. "I'm coming."

Putting the lid back on that box in her head, Iliana recomposed herself.

Opening her bedroom door, she walked out returning to her normal life, where her Mum wasn't apart of.

Let me know what you think!!

xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

Hey everyone, sorry for the lack in updates!!

I've been so busy with school and everything, I just didn't have the time!

Hopefully this chapter makes up for it!

Chapter 5: The First Time

Melanie looked up at the clock.

"Illy, isn't it your lunch break now?" she asked.

Iliana closed the file and looked at her watch.

"Oh your right, thanks Melly," she said, picking up her bag and jacket. "I have so much to do, I lose track of time."

"Don't I know it," said Melanie, returning to her typing. "Don't forget to use that hand spray when you leave!"

Iliana rolled her eyes.

"I won't!"

"I'm serious," said Melanie, leaning back on her chair, watching Iliana go. "We don't want that swine flu spreading!"

Iliana chuckled, but nevertheless squirted the gel onto her hands, rubbing it in thoroughly.

*

"What'll it be miss?" said the waitress, walking over with her notepad.

"A coffee and the chicken sandwich please," said Iliana, sitting down.

"Good, good," said the waitress, writing it down as she walked away.

After wiping down the table with a napkin, Iliana took Belle's diary out of her handbag, and opened it.

The next diary entry was for a few weeks later.

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing back sooner! I, eh....forgot! I know, I know, I'm sorry but um....Aden can be very distracting!! Haha!

Anytime I try to write back, he quickly suggests something new to do and....well I can't resist him!

He really is amazing! I don't know how I didn't fall for him before!

There's really a lot to him when you scratch the surface. He's kind and he's loyal, and he stands up for what he believes in!

We went to a movie today, and we saw less of the movie than we'd planned!....

"How about 'Achey Breaky Heart'?"

"No!" said Aden, his hands placed on Belle's hips lightly. "We are not going to see a chick flick! How about 'Apocolypse II'?"

Belle looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

"Ok lets not go to that movie, huh?" said Aden, retreated due to her glare.

"Please, please can we go to 'Achey Breaky Heart'!" begged Belle, pouting at him. "Please!"

Aden tried to glare, but couldn't help smiling.

"I'm going to have to practice saying 'No' to you!"

"Thank you!" said Belle, jumping into his arms.

Aden rolled his eyes, and went to purchase the tickets.

When he got back, Belle grabbed his hand and led him to the theatre.

"Let's go to the back," she said, pointing to the seats.

They both sat down, Belle immediatly diving for the popcorn.

Aden looked at her in surprise.

"What?" said Belle.

"I thought you only ate everything in moderation," said Aden, chuckling.

"Popcorn is my weakness!" said Belle, her mouth stuffed.

Aden chuckled, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"D'you realise how appealing you are like this?"

Belle raised her eyebrows, and brushed the salt away from her lips.

"How appealing?"

"Appealing like - I want to kiss you - appealing!"

Belle grinned, and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.

Wrapping his arms around her waist, Aden pulled her onto his lap.

She in turn, tightened her grip, holding her to him.

Falling onto the floor with a thud, neither of them separated.

Only when Aden moved his lips to Belle's neck did she speak.

"Is this really the place?"

Aden looked up.

"Would that make you stop?"

Belle didn't smile.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You can stop whenever you want."

Grinning, Aden claimed her lips passionately, pulling away again for a second.

He rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily.

"I really want to do this!"

....and then as other people came in (and halfway through the second time) someone saw us and complained and the security came and pulled us apart.

That was a nice job for them!

While doing it there and then was absolutely amazing(!!!) it was rather embarassing and very uncomfortable!

Although my attention was mostly absorbed, I do remember that part!

Next time (of which there'll be many) we'll do it someplace better!

Thinking back over it, I was rather surprised it happened at all.

I mean, after everything Aden's been through, I expected it to be ages until he reached that level in a relationship.

And...for a guy thats never done it before, he was pretty amazing!!

At one point, I forgot it was his first time! The moves he pulled...ooh, very impressive!

Oh my God, I think I hear him coming!

Can't let him find this! It would be mortifying!

Write back soon!

Love Belle xxx

Closing the diary carefully, Iliana put it back in her bag before drinking her coffee.

While it felt great, having this lasting connection with her mother, Iliana couldn't believe how little of her Mum's past she knew.

Was this whole diary full of events she never knew?

Iliana drained her cup quickly as the waitress came over to take her plate.

Then, her buzzer rang.

Groaning Iliana picked up her bag, and walked briskly back to work, frustrated by the unravelling secrets.

Let me know what you think!!

Comments are much appreciated!!

xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

Hey sorry for the lack in updates!

I've just been really busy with school!

That's going to be my excuse everytime and I'm sorry if it's starts to sound lame but it's the truth!

Hope you like this chappie anyway!

Chapter 6: The Best Day of My Life...So Far

Wrapping her coat around her tightly, Iliana stepped out of the car and into the cold air.

Running quickly to the office door, she run the bell and waited patiently for someone to answer.

The door opened and the warmth suddenly hit Iliana as she walked into the hall.

"Mr McCarthy's office please," she said politely to the receptionist.

As she arrived at the door, she pulled off her gloves and knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

Iliana opened the door to see her husband bending over a pile of files.

"Illy, what are you doing here?" he asked. "You know I work late on Wednesdays!"

"Oh I know," she said, taking off her coat. "I just wanted to show you something."

Chris watched curiously as Iliana produced from her bag a large book.

"What's that honey?" he asked, opening his arms so she could sit on his lap.

"It's Mum's diary," she said, looking at his face, waiting to see his expression.

Chris looked up at her in surprise.

"Did she leave it to you?"

Iliana nodded.

"She gave it to Conor to give it to me," she explained. "I found it before he had a chance to talk to me."

Conor looked amazed.

"I read something this morning which I'd like to read to you, if that's ok?"

"Of course it's ok honey," said Chris, smiling and rubbing her cheek softly.

Iliana smiled and opened the book.

"Dear Diary," she read aloud.

"Aden and I had the most fantastic day today," she read.

"Aden was her boyfriend at the time," she explained to Chris.

He just nodded, eager for her to carry on.

"He really is such a romantic," she continued. "I never really saw that side of him..."

"Aden, where are we going?" moaned Belle, as they drove down the road.

"You'll see," said Aden, grinning at her quickly. "And I know you'll love it too which will make it even better."

"You better not have spent a lot of money on this," said Belle severly. "You know I don't like it when you do that."

"Yet you still willingly accepted that diamond bracelet I bought you!"

Belle chuckled and looked down at the beautiful charm bracelet she now wore, each diamond was glittering in the sun, sending little rainbows around the car.

"Well you'd already bought it then so it was too late," she said, shrugging.

Aden chuckled, continuing to drive down the road.

A few minutes later, Belle moaned again.

"How much longer?" she asked.

"Not much," he promised. "Jeez, your very impatient!"

"No, it's not that!" said Belle. "It's just I haven't gone this length of time before without kissing you!"

Aden chuckled, grinning to himself.

"Save all your energy for when we stop!"

Belle moaned and shifted so she would only stare out through the window.

Finally Aden pulled into a car park and turned off the engine.

"Are we here now?" asked Belle, still looking away.

"I promise we are," said Aden.

Smiling Belle twirled around to face, leaned in and kissed him passionately.

He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her into his seat.

It was only after they pulled away did they realise what an awkward position they were in.

"Oww!" cried Belle as she realised she was sitting on the handbreak.

"C'mon let's get out," said Aden, laughing silently.

Talking his hand, Belle followed him to a group of shop units and paused when she realised where they were.

"Are you serious?" she said looking up at the sign.

"Depends what you think I'm serious about!" teased Aden.

"You booked us a table the LemonGrass!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands to her mouth. "But it's impossible to get a reservation here!"

"Not when you know the bosses son!" said Aden, grinning triumphantly. "We went to the same junior school. Met up with him again a few years ago, went out every now and again for a few drinks. He's a great guy!"

"He is when he gets you into really expensive restaurants!" exclaimed Belle, hugging him tightly.

"You really shouldn't have though Aden, this place is really expensive.

Aden shook his head.

"Not when you have a 35% discount!"

"Oh my God!" cried Belle, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"But oh God, no!" she suddenly cried pulling away.

"What?"

"I'm not wearing the right stuff," said Belle, look down at her mini shorts and tank top. "This is like the most fancy restaurant in town!"

Aden kept grinning.

"You didn't!" said Belle, looking horrified.

"And so what if I did," he said, walking around to the back of the car and opening the book.

Belle walked around to join him and nearly collapsed when she saw what was there.

"Aden no!" she cried. "No, no, no, no, no!"

Aden grinned and lifted out of the blue a beautiful, baby pink, flowing, knee - length dress.

"Aden this is from Sheila's!" said Belle, spotting the tag. "Your crazy! This thing cost a fortune! I can't wear it!"

"Babe, c'mon I bought it for you!" said Aden, pouting. "How would you feel if I rejected something you bought me?"

Belle reached out and grabbed the dress.

"I didn't reject it," she said. "I just didn't approve of the price."

Aden chuckled and turned away as she returned to the car and slipped into the dress.

Belle was surprised as she saw him look away.

"Ah c'mon Aden," she said, stepping out of the car, and smoothing the dress. "It's not like you haven't seen me naked before!"

Aden didn't reply.

He was speechless as he took in the sight of her, wearing the dress.

She was the most beautiful person he had seen in his life.

He mouthed a 'Wow' and Belle blushed.

"Do you like it?" she asked twirling around.

Again, Aden couldn't reply.

He just looked into her soft brown eyes, and decided to say what he had been thinking for weeks.

"I love you," he said, softly.

Belle's eyes widened.

And then, to her ultimate surprise, she smiled.

"I love you too."

.....So you see why this was the best day of my life, so far at least.

I still can't believe Aden said he loved me.

It's actually crazy how much I love him.

My hearts pounds even faster as I think about it.

I know we've only been dating for about a year but I think he's the one.

No wait, I know he's the one.

He's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Iliana sighed and closed the book.

She looked at Chris.

He was in awe.

"Beautiful isn't it," said Iliana smiling.

Chris nodded, and then looked up into his wife's eyes.

"That was the same with me, you know," he said. "The moment I met you, I knew I was going to be with you forever.

Iliana smiled, leaned forward and kissed his tenderly.

"I could never love anybody but you," she said.

Belle's Dress

Let me know what you think!!

You've prob noticed already but I've changed my name!

Still the same person though!!

Your comments are much appreciated

Luv Laura xxx

[LauraPhilly!!]

So sorry for the long gap in updates!

I was away for mid term and then I got back and I had loads of homework to do, i've just been none stop busy!

Hope you like this chappie!!

Chapter 7: The Almost-Boyfriend

"Illy, what are you doing?"

Iliana jumped up to see her friend peering through her open office door.

She was looking at the diary.

Iliana quickly snapped it shut and began typing furiously.

"Illy, are you ok?" asked Anna, walking into the office, looking at her friend anxiously. "You know if your not feeling well enough, you can go home. It's only been two weeks. You don't have to go back to work immediatly."

"No Anna, seriously I'm fine," said Iliana, still typing.

"lly," said Anna, putting her hand on Iliana's so she would stop.

"What!" demanded Iliana.

Anna smiled at her softly.

"You can talk about it you know," she said, kindly.

Iliana's frown froze and she sighed heavily, collapsing against the back of the chair.

"Sorry Anna," she said. "I just.....I just not feeling great at the moment."

Anna nodded understandingly and rubbed her friend's back.

"I know," she said. "My Dad's passing last year was pretty hard on me too. It took me months to be able to do anything. I don't know how your doing it!"

Iliana sighed.

"I'm not really," she said. "I'm pushing myself. Trying to avoid thinking about it, about Mum. But then I can't stop thinking about her, and I splurge!"

"Splurged?" repeated Anna, frowning confusedly.

Iliana pulled out a drawer, took out her Mum's diary, and handed it to Anna.

She glazed over it and then gasped.

"Your Mum's diary," she whispered.

"It's been so hard," said Iliana, running her fingers through her hair. "I read it and feel dreadful afterwards. So dreadful, I'm crying. Then the kids see me, and I see their faces full of worry."

"I don't want them to be worried about me Anna!" said Iliana, desperately. "That's my job! I'm suppose to worry about them! I don't want them to see me upset, so I stop reading it. But I can't. That's my Mum in their Anna."

"She gave me this so I wouldn't be without her. Not reading it, is like when I use to refuse to brushing my teeth! I'd say no but still end up brushing them because I couldn't say no to her. I couldn't and still can't not do what my Mum wishes me to do!"

Anna's eyes were wide with amazement and anxiety.

She rubbed Iliana's back reassuringly.

"I never knew it was this hard for you," she said, quietly.

"When you came in," continued Iliana. "I was reading the diary. I couldn't help myself. It was like Mum was calling me to read it."

"Well then you go home and you read it," said Anna suddenly.

Iliana looked at her in surprise.

"I'm serious," said Anna, reading her expression. "Go home, put up your feet, get a hot cup of tea and read the diary! Chris is at work, and the kids are at school! You'll have the place to yourself!"

"But...!"

"No, that's an order," said Anna.

"Now go," she said, pointing to the door.

Iliana grinned, gathered up her stuff, and headed over to the door.

"Thanks Annie," she said, kissing her cheek. "Your the best."

"I've heard that," said Anna, leaning against the doorframe, watching her go.

*

....Belle brushed her hand across his soft cheek.

He didn't stir once.

He's so beautiful when he sleeps, she thought. So peaceful.

The birds were singing outside Belle's window, rather loudly, but Aden did not wake.

Belle didn't mind.

She could have quite happily, lay there in bed with him all day.

He was her sun on a rainy day.

No matter where they were, Belle was happy just to be with him.

He was her 'Mr Perfect'.

The guy all the girls in the world spend their whole life waiting for, some still not finding him.

Belle was lucky; she had already found him.

And he was better than she'd ever imagined.

As Belle ran her fingers down his toned stomach, Aden's eyes fluttered open.

"Morning beautiful," he said, smiling at her, his eyes still half closed.

"Morning gorgeous," she said, leaning down and kissing his cheek. "Did you sleep well?"

"Even better with you here," he said, winding his arms around and pulling her down to lie beside him. "Especially after our little nightime activity. I could get use to them."

"Oh really, you enjoy them that much?!"

"Oh definately," said Aden, grinning triumphantly. "Out of ten, I'd give us a ten!"

Belle giggled.

"Yeah, we are pretty hot if I do say so myself!"

"Damn right we are!"

Belle suddenly jumped up, grabbing the duvet, as she heard a knock on the door.

"Belle sweety, you awake?" asked Irene.

"Yeah I am, Irene," said Belle, covering Aden's mouth with her hand as he sat up beside her.

She mouthed to him to be quiet.

"Honey, it's ok?" said Irene, through the door. "If I knew Aden wasn't in there with you, I would have probably come into the room by now.

Belle giggled, and removed her hand from Aden's mouth.

He grimaced guiltily.

"I'm just letting you know that Jamie called this morning!"

Belle's heart sank.

"I told him you were asleep, and couldn't talk," continued Irene. "He said to tell you he's coming back here for his holidays, and that it would be great to see you again."

Irene paused.

Belle covered her face with her hands, Aden suddenly became anxious.

"I just went along with it honey," said Irene, in a reassuring tone. "I know you've got some stuff to sort out with him, so I just left it at that."

"Thanks Irene," said Belle, croakily.

They waited, listening as Irene's footsteps disappered down the hall.

Belle groaned loudly, and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Babe, what's wrong?" said Aden, putting a strand of hair behind of ear, and kissing her softly.

"Jamie," said Belle, not looking at him.

"Who's Jamie?"

Belle looked at Aden anxiously.

"Jamie's my boyfriend!"

.....yeah so Jamie's in town and things are a bit sticky!

Explained it all to Aden of course. He's not particularly happy with it but he's knows I'm being honest.

He knows he's the most important person in my life.

You see the thing with Jamie is, he use to live in the Bay and we were really good friends.

Well close to going out at one point.

Then, his parents shipped him off to boarding school, and then they moved to England.

He comes back though every now and again to see how I am.

Last time was well over a year ago.

Before I was dating Aden.

You see, then it was ok to passionately kiss him and tell him I'd miss him when he went away.

I wasn't dating Aden then so it was fine.

Now.........let's just say it'll be awkward.

I gotta go, sorry!

Leah just rang, and wants me to cover her shift while she takes VJ to the doctor.

Poor love's got chicken pox!

Talk later!

Belle xxxx

Iliana looked up from the diary, and her mother's kisses and mouthed a 'Wow'.

"Tough break, Mum!" she said to herself.

But she couldn't help feeling sad as she realised that she hadn't really known her Mum at all.

Let me know what you think!!!

x x x x x x x x

[LauraPhilly!!]

Oh no....no comments after the sneak peak...

Hope everyone's still enjoying the fic!

Please tell me if your not!

'Kay, here's the full chapter!!

Chapter 8: Between a Rock and a Hard-Place

"Mummy what are you reading?"

Iliana looked up from Belle's diary to see her young daughter staring up at her imperiously.

"Just a book sweetheart," said Iliana, closing it carefully. "Mummy feels bad now for not spending time with her little girlie!"

"Don't feel bad Mummy," said Abbey. "If you want to read your book Mummy, that is ok with me. We can have lovey-duvey time later!"

Iliana smiled softly, bent down and kissed Abbey's forehead.

"Has Mummy ever told you, your the best?"

Abbey grinned a toothy grin at her.

"Mummy, you always say I is the bestest!"

"Good," said Iliana. "Because you are!"

Iliana giggled and skipped away to the play room.

Smiling as she watched her go, Iliana looked back down at the diary.

....Oh what a dilemma I am in!

I've never really been in this situation before so I don't know how to handle it.

Some have said before me, that's it every woman's dream to be in this situation.

Shows how attractive you are, how much you are admired and thought of by others.

Some women have used this to their advantage.

But this is just a catastrophe.

I can't believe it has to be me! Always me!

Play a different record like!

Tell the man up above to put away my file and take out someone else's.

But of course I haven't said what's going on.

Well it's a long story, so be prepared....

"Aden, I promise I'll be fine," reassured Belle. "This is what I want. You are who I want. I'm sure of that!"

"But what if this Jamie guy starts hitting on you or something," said Aden, unimpressively. "You are like the hottest girl around."

Belle blushed but continued.

"Look it'll be....well not a piece of cake but these things never do."

"I can come with you," said Aden, taking her hands. "I want to come with you."

Belle smiled.

"Sorry babe, but I think I better do this on my own! You go home, you've got loads of study to do anyway!"

Aden sighed.

"Yeah I know," he groaned. "Exams next week. I'm dead!"

"You'll do brilliantly," said Belle, rubbing his arm. "But think about this, after the exams are other, it'll be summer, and we can do whatever we want! Together, as it should be!"

Aden grinned.

"Ok," he said. "Love you!"

Belle smiled, leaned in and kissed you.

"Love you too."

Letting go of his hands, Belle opened the car door and hopped out.

Blowing a kiss as she drove away, she waited until the car was out of sight before turning and walking into the diner.

Seeing Jamie, she quickly took a deep breath and walked over.

"Hey Jamie," she said, coming to stand in front of his table.

Jamie looked bemused, then recognition and shocked lit up his face and then he jumped up.

"Belle!" he said, in disbelief. "Is it really you? Oh my God, you look great!"

"So do you," said Belle, and really he did.

He was less round then last time, he hair was shaped differently. He had lost weight too, Belle could tell as he shirt clung to his newly formed muscles.

Before she could say another word, he caught her in a bear hug.

Overwhelmed, Belle simply patted him on the back.

Pulling away, Jamie grinned at her.

"It's so great to be back!"

And before Belle could stop him, he leaned in and kissed her passionately.

Belle had forgotten how soft his lips were.

How good a kisser he was.

And to her surprise, she felt her arms wrap themselves around his neck, clinging to him tightly.

....so that was yesterday...

I went back home last night feeling terribly guilty.

I couldn't call Aden and ask him to come over knowing what I've done.

I couldn't lie in bed with him having betrayed him like that.

So I woke up this morning with a solution.

I would go down to the diner and set Jamie straight.

I knew Aden would be at his exams so I was safe from being caught.

My plan however didn't go as planned, unsurprisedly.....

Rubbing her arm uncomfortably, Belle walked slowly down to the beach, looking left and right, afraid someone she knew would see her.

Looking out over the beach, she saw Jamie standing by the sea, the water washing over his feet.

Taking a deep breath, Belle walked down to him.

Hearing her footsteps, Jamie turned around.

"Hello gorgeous," he said, leaning in to kiss her.

Belle held back.

Jamie frowned.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously.

"Jamie, I have something important to tell you," said Belle slowly, avoiding his eyes. "And I'm not sure how your going to take it."

"Well, shoot!"

Belle gulped.

"While you were away, I missed you," said Belle, looking up at him. "For awhile, waiting for you was fine. I was convinced that I loved you. Nothing was going to stop that."

Jamie's eyebrows were now bent into a slight frown.

"But, after not seeing you for a few months, my feeling for you....began to fade," said Belle.

Jamie's frown was now full on.

"So what are you saying, you've met someone else?"

"Kinda," said Belle.

"Well, you can't love him that much if you said kinda," said Jamie. "Not like how you loved me. How you still love me!"

"Jamie, of course I love you," insisted Belle. "I will always love you. You were my first flame. But fires do go out eventually."

"Not ours," said Jamie, taking both of Belle's hands. "Our love is eternal."

"I wish I felt the same as you do," said Belle, looking into his eyes sincerely.

"I'll make you feel the same," said Jamie.

And before Belle could stop him, Jamie pulled her to him restrainingly, and kissed her passionately.

But Belle couldn't stop him.

Not because she wasn't stronger than him, but because her will crumbled into shreds as his lips claimed hers.

She did love him.

But she still loved Aden.

She couldn't have them both but she didn't think she could bare to leave either of them.

Each of them had a different piece of her heart, each piece beating just as strong.

But Belle knew this was wrong.

And that knowledge helped her to pull away.

"No Jamie!" she cried, pulling away. "I can't do this to Aden, I just can't! He and I have gone through so much together! I love him!"

"But you love me too," said Jamie, holding his hand to her cheek. "I know you do."

Belle's heart yearned to deny it but her lips couldn't utter the words.

Jamie smiled smugly.

"See", he said.

Belle shook her head, and his hand.

"I have to figure this out Jamie," she said. "That's means talking to Aden too."

Jamie frowned.

"Why? You know we're meant to be together!"

Belle smiled sadly.

"I thought that too once," she said quietly. "Now my heart's torn between you both. I don't want to hurt either of you. But I know, one way or another I will."

Jamie nodded.

"I have to go," said Belle. "I'll let you know when I've made my decision."

"Ok," said Jamie quietly, softly. "Love you Belle."

Belle looked back at him and smiled softly.

"Love you too Jamie."

.....so I'm here at home now and I have no idea how I'm going to tell Aden.

He's going to be heartbroken....and furious no doubt!

Hopefully he'll understand how hard this is for me.

How I hate having to make this decision.

I better go.

All this anxiety has left me exhausted.

Will write back soon!

Belle xxx

Iliana was in shock as she looked up from the diary.

And she thought she had it tough when deciding whether to say yes to marrying Chris.

That had turned out to be the best decision of her life.

Her Mum's life had been so much worse.

So much more complicated.

Yet, she had made room for Iliana.

Smiling, she closed the book, and walked over to George, who was doing his homework at the table.

Bending down beside him, she ruffled his hair.

"Hey, my little man," she said, smiling. "How's it going?"

"It's ok," said George.

But seeing the smile on his mother's face he smiled.

"I'm glad your getting better Mum."

Iliana smiled, leaned in and hugged her son tightly.

"Your the best," she said.

"Don't let Abbey hear you say that!"

Iliana chuckled, stood up and ruffled his hair again before walking away to the kitchen, returning to her normal life.

Let me know what you think please!

Your comments are really really appreciated!!

x x x x x x

[LauraPhilly!!]

Thanks for all your lovely comments!

Here's the next chapter!

Let me know what you think!!

Chapter 9: Having His Heart

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, Iliana pulled on her gloves and stepped out into the cold winter air.

Rubbing her hands together, she crossed the road and walked in the two open gates.

She hadn't been here for awhile.

She felt bad for having not.

Looking down at her bag, she saw her Mum's diary peeking out of it and smiled.

Walking down the path, which was covered with old crispy, autumn leaves, Iliana knew she was close.

She finally stopped and looked down upon Belle's grave stone.

It was white marble.

Her mother's favourite color stone.

"Well Mum," she said, not caring if anyone heard her. "I wasn't doing much today, so I thought I would come visit you.....also I felt bad for not coming sooner."

Smiling guiltily, she opened her bag and pulled out the diary.

"I thought I would read out to you one of you diary entries...! The next one actually, even I haven't read it."

Pausing, she looked uncertain.

"Thank you for giving this to me Mum," she said. "For the past few weeks it has been my lifeline. Being with Chris and the children makes the pain easier but every time I think of you, it all comes flooding back."

"I was afraid of forgetting you. Afraid of forgetting your smile, or how you use to always give out to me for putting too much flour in the bun mixture.

But this diary.....this diary....I know now that I will never forget you, and I promise that George and Abbey will never forget you and that their children will know you and their children's children and so on. You will never be forgotten."

Taking a breath to steady herself, Iliana opened the book and began to read aloud.

Dear Diary,

My heart is breaking as I write this entry.

The tears are flowing down my face.

How can I ever forgive myself for what I have done?

Aden.

The look on his face.

He was truly heartbroken.

We both broke down into tears but this time, he wouldn't let me comfort him.

He didn't want me.

Oh how my heart breaks even more to rethink it.

He wasn't even able to look at me.

Oh how I have ruined everything!

I was convinced that he would understand, be supportive.....

Knocking on the door, Belle fidgeted uncomfortably with her bracelet.

The door opened and she looked up to see Nicole, holding a half-eaten piece of toast.

"Hey Nic, is Aden around?"

"Yeah sure, I'll get him for you," said Nicole, turning around.

"Aden!" she screamed up the stairs. Belle's hands flew to her ears. "Belle's here you!"

Aden was down the stairs and beaming at Belle before she'd even stepped in the front door.

"Hey babe," he said, grinning at her. "You didn't call me last night, were you ok?"

Belle nodded.

She could feel the tears coming already.

She doubted she could even talk.

Her face must have looked read, she thought, because Aden took her hand suddenly.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

Shaking her head, Belle indicated to the door.

"I need to talk to you," she managed to say.

"Ok," said Aden, surprised. He closed the door, and followed her down the path.

After walking for a bit, Belle finally stopped.

"Aden, there's something we need to talk about."

Immediatly, all the color drained from Aden's face.

"Your breaking up with me aren't you?" he asked, his voice tone dead.

Belle gulped.

"Not exactly."

He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

Belle took in a deep breath.

"Remember how I told you about Jamie," she began.

Aden looked even paler.

"You still love him don't you."

"Yes, I do," admitted Belle.

"But I love you too," she said desperately, taking his hand.

He pulled his hand out of her's suddenly. Belle winced.

"Aden, please! I need you to understand!"

"Understand what?" he cried, now angry. "I thought we had something Belle?? I thought you loved me!!"

"But I do Aden, that's the problem!" said Belle, desperately. "I love you both."

Aden paused, surprised.

"You still love me?"

"Of course I do!" cried Belle, relieved he was finally giving her a chance to explain. "That's why this is hurting me so much. I love both you, and Jamie....just differently."

"Who d'you love more?" asked Aden suddenly.

Belle sighed.

"I don't know."

Belle's heart began to break as she saw the tears welling up in Aden's eyes and eventually poring over his face.

"You were the first girl I ever loved Belle," said Aden, while Belle winced at his use of the past tense. "Are you seriously going to through everything we had away, like it meant nothing?"

"Aden, I don't know!" cried Belle, the tears poring from her eyes now too. "Please, can you not ask me these questions?"

"Well what did you expect Belle?" cried Aden, almost shouting now. "That I would be ok with it? If that's so, you were seriouisly wrong!"

"No, of course I didn't think that," said Belle. "I just hoped you would understand."

"But Belle, if you really loved me, you shouldn't have feelings for anyone!" cried Aden. "This is just like your throwing everything I got you, everything I did for you, back in my face!"

He turned away angrily, and began to walk home.

"Aden, no! Please don't go!" cried Belle, grabbing his hand.

Aden ripped it out of her grip again.

Belle gasped, shocked at the angry look on his face.

"Just go away Belle."

......so that's what happened.

How will I ever forgive myself?

What was I thinking?

Of course I love Aden, I've loved him from the beginning.

But Jamie.....oh how I love him too.

Oh my God, why does this have to happen to me????

I hate this!

Everything bad always falls on my plate!

....Well...I suppose that's not true.

I wouldn't have found Aden or Jamie if all the bad things kept happening to me.

And they were some of the best days of my life.

Oh wait, the phone's ringing!!

Be back in a tick!!!

........................

Oh my God!

That was Aden.

He said that whatever his decision, he would accept it.

Oh my God, he is so amazing.

But this is what hurts the most.....he also said, whatever my decision, he would still love me because I will always have a part of his heart!

Oh, he is just so wow!

I do not deserve him.

Wait.....I think I'm having an epiphany.

...............

Oh my God, I know now.

I know who I love, who I couldn't afford to spend the rest of my life without.

I've got to go tell him!

I've got to go now!!

Will write back soon!!

Wish me luck!!

Belle x x x x x

"What!! cried Iliana. "Mum, you can't do that! You can't just leave it on a cliffhanger!!! That's sooooo not fair!!!"

No one responded, as was expected.

"Grrrr!!" cried Iliana. "And I promised myself, I would only read one entry a day. Why in God's name did I make that promise."

She sighed and then suddenly looked at her watch.

"Oh my God, I've got to go! The kids are finished school soon!"

Blowing a kiss to her Mum's grave, Iliana set off down the path again.

But before the gave disappeared totally out of sight, she looked back and smiled.

Her Mum was there.

She was there as she read the story.

She was there in the story.

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[LauraPhilly!!]

Hey, thanks for all your lovely comments!!

Here's the next chapter!!

Chapter 10: We Can Have Forever

"Oh bugger it!"

Iliana bent down and began quickly mopping up the spilt milk with a towel.

"Mum was right," she muttered to herself. "Baking just isn't my thing!"

Then, a light bulb turned on in her head.

"No, no," she told herself, standing up straight. "Iliana, you said you wouldn't read it 'till later and your going to stick with it! You are not weak!"

But she couldn't help looking over at the coffee table and seeing the diary there.

"No! Stop it!" she said sternly. "You got so much to do!"

"Mum, who are you talking to?" asked George as he walked in the back door.

"Myself," said Iliana, trying not to blush. "Is that a problem honey?"

George chuckled.

"You do know it the first sign of madness Mum?"

"I thought we'd already clarified over a hundred times that I am," said Iliana, chuckling lightly. "Who else would try to make buns, and put salt in, instead of sugar."

George shook his head as he laughed.

"Your a legend Mum!" he said, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Why thank you," said Iliana, curtsing gracefully.

George laughed and disappeared up the stairs, leaving Iliana to cooking the dinner.

Finally, when all the vegetables were pealed and the chicken was in the oven, Iliana could think of nothing more to do.

"Ok fine," she said, pulling off her apron. "I give up! I clearly didn't inherit Mum's will power that's for sure!"

Collapsing onto the sofa, she pulled the diary onto her lap and opened it eagerly.

Before the entry began, Iliana saw a little poem.

There's no time for us.

There's no place for us.

What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away

From Us.

Who Wants to Live Forever.....

Dear Diary,

My heart is screaming.

My tears are buring my face.

I feel nothing.

My heart is gone.

I cry at the pain.

The pain has replaced my missing heart.

I need someone to find it.

Or I need someone to take me away to where my heart now is.....

Who wants to live forever....?

There's no chance for us

Its all decided for us

This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever.....

Running down the path quickly, Belle was surprised to see Jamie coming towards her, his hands in his pocket, a casual pose.

Relaxed as he was, Belle certainly was not.

She gulped nervously.

Jamie smiled smugly, then sighed.

"You chose him didn't you."

Belle smiled at him sadly.

He sighed again.

"I'm not surprised I suppose. It was too much of me to expect that you would still love me after all that time I was away. I am sorry, Belle."

"Don't," whispered Belle. "Don't say it! It's not you who should be apologising. It's me!"

"Babe, it's not your fault that you love someone else," said Jamie, softly.

"But I love you too," said Belle. "It's just....what Aden and I have....well, we have a connection. I love him, and I can't see myself not being with him for the rest of my life. It's hurts because I love him so much!"

"I know babe," he said, smiling at her softly. "It's ok."

"I hate that I'm hurting you."

"Babe, your not. I realised that the most important thing to me is that you are happy," said Jamie. "Whether that be with me or some other guy, I don't mind. As long as you are happy."

Belle smiled, leaned in and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," she said, laying her head against his chest.

He kissed her hair softly.

But then, as Belle pulled away, she saw Aden standing at the end of the path.

He had seen everything.

The look in his eyes was one of betrayal and heartbreak.

"No Aden, this isn't what you think!" cried Belle.

He threw her a disgusted look and took off.

"No Aden! Please!" cried Belle, running after him, Jamie behind her.

Coming out onto the main road, Aden looked back at her.

Then all Belle saw was a pair of blinding lights.

She heard the screeching of car brakes and a loud thump.

As the lights faded away, Belle's heart ripped open as she saw Aden lying spread out across the road, his body floating in a pool of his own blood

Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?

When love must die...

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever

And we can love forever

Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever.....

I have nothing to say.

Nothing to feel.

My heart is gone.

Aden was right.

He took a piece of it with him.....

Belle x x x x

Iliana had nothing to say as she re-read over the last few lines.

She felt as empty as her Mum did.

But looking up as she saw Chris walk through the back door, she realised, maybe, she wasn't as lonely.

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