Laurz Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 wow this is amazing cant wait for more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily11 Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 Im loving this story!!! its soo good!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Excellent. Colleen was really funny. Have you ever sold anything for publication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skykat Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Hey, I've only just signed up to this forum but I've been following fanfictions on here as a guest for about six months. I've read a fair few of your fanfictions and you're a very good writer. Your storylines are believable and your characters realistic which I know is difficult to do. I really like this one, it has endless potential and I'll be interested to see where you go with it...can't wait for your next post. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WYN100 Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH FOR ALL THE NICE COMMENTS, THEY'RE SO APPRECIATED !!! NO ILM, I'VE NEVER SOLD ANYTHING FOR PUBLICATION, DO YOU REALLY THINK IT MAY BE GOOD ENOUGH ? THANKS FOR ASKING THOUGH ,I REALLY MEAN IT !! **PART FOUR** The early lunchtime trade in Noah's Bar was gathering pace - indeed, an analytical observer may quite accurately have described it as buzzing . Perhaps the elevated turnover was due to the appealingly fine day unfolding and stretching its arms high above its head outside - the bar's proximity to the beach was always a key selling point on such days. Possibly some regular diner customers had been deterred from their usual haunt by word of Alf Stewart's one-man wrecking spree in the kitchen there - whatever the reason, it spelt encouraging news indeed for the co-owners of Noah's - a trend given a lively soundtrack by the cheery bleeping of the cash register which hardly had time to pause for tuning up between transactions. Beth finished re-loading the "Healthy Snacks and freshly squeezed Juice" shelf and exhaled deeply as she straightened up. She turned to Kim Hyde - her only assistant on duty that afternoon and semi-joked "Trust them to fix a campaign meeting on the busiest day since last year's Melbourne Cup - still, shouldn't complain I guess !" There was a twinkle in her eye - she was most definitely enjoying this job - far more than she'd ever thought she would in fact - she moved obligingly sideways as Kim stretched to lift a tray precariously balanced with four "Mango Sunset" cocktails over her head. "You're not wrong there !" he called back over his shoulder , adding with a laugh "And hey, who'd listen anyway even if we did complain !" Beth smiled and slipped back behind the bar to cast her eye over the latest sheaf of orders which were stacking up almost as fast as they could be met and dispatched. She slid two Healthy Range tuna and olive salads onto a tray before glancing up to try and calculate how quickly Kim would return before "re-stocking" him for another delivery. As she did , her face froze in a mask of disbelief followed by indications of potential panic. Her movements now suddenly jerky and hurried, she retreated into the office, leaving the door to slam behind her. Inside the more confined space the paced edgily up and down - the smiles of moments before replaced now by fingernail nibbling and running her fingers absently through her hair. 5 minutes passed, they became ten, and as the lunchtime furore outside moved towards its crescendo , suddenly the door opened, and a flustered looking Kim saw her flinch violently as he asked curiously " Beth, what's happening ? They're planning riots out there !" Ignoring that, she gripped his t-shirt round the lapel area and demanded "Kim - the guy - in the corner seat by the water-cooler - is he still there ??" The perplexed wrinkle on Kim's brow widened, but he replied " Early 50's - sports jacket - fair-ish hair ?" She nodded vigorously as Kim went on "Well he ordered a triple-decker cheese club sandwich and a Perrier, - he asked me where the gents was and went there - he's not come back yet, but why ...?" As the remainder of the question was lost in the ether, Kim's expression now grew positively incredulous as she whipped her coat from behind the door with one neat movement, and slipped away almost in one movement through the now standing-room only clientele like a flamethrower through snow. He could only emit one strangled "But Beth...?" before the front line of the assembled throng cheerfully hailed the sight of him with "How about 4 more of those mango sunsets mate ?" He sighed.. it was going to be a VERY long lunchtime... The campaign meeting at the Beach House had been all but temporarily been abandoned as the ripple of shock and excitement at Danni's arrival whipped round the remaining occupants of the seats. Hayley had gone to put the kettle on, and to every last one of them, there was only one question in town - what did she WANT ? One of their number was a little closer to discovering the answer. Kane was standing awkwardly in the small front garden - his faded surf t-shirt and ripped jeans stacking up a little poorly against her powder-blue finely-tailored Prada jacket and matching skirt. Todd had got out of the car to enjoy the sunshine, but - as one would only expect from him - stood a discreet distance away as the intriguing scenario began to be played out. Danni began "Looks like a good old big Summer Bay pow-wow I could see in there ?" He mumbled "Yes, er..some gas thing for the coast..uh..could be dangerous ?.." She nodded, suddenly asking "Kirst not here ?" "No, she went.." he paused, uncertain whether it would be best to even tell her sister just yet..."Oh, on some shopping trip or other..? Danni's smile indicated mild amusement, both at his imprecise knowledge, and at the willingness of girls in general to go off on "some shopping trip or other" He filed away her comment about hoping to catch up as she "didn't plan to leave the Bay anytime soon" but reverted sharply to wondering just exactly why he was there. Another slight uncertain pause was punctuated by the kind of false smiles and the kind of peculiar nodding as if in mutual possession of some shared unspoken secret that generally seems to mark out such moments. Thankfully on this occasion they managed to avoid the usual subsequent life cliche of both starting to talk again at exactly the same moment, she volunteered "And how's work then...?" Kane cut the unreality thread hanging around them with a sharp pair of scissors. "Dan, what's this all about ? You didn't call me out of a roomful of people to talk me about natural gas, Kirsty's credit card or life at the boatshed - look, I know that serious kinda look in your eye - I mean - we are still sorta - alright ? aren't we ?" Her face set " Kane - we will NEVER be" as you might say - totally " - then drawing little quote marks in the air - "alright - but you make my sister happy - and that's very important to me." "So...." he remained uncertain. "Right," she clicked into the mode she'd been preparing and rehearsing for quite some considerable time, "It wasn't you I really wanted to come out here at all - it was just seeing a room that full made me think I needed a diversion . I'm here because of Scott. I mean to get back together with him as soon as possible. And I think you can help me ." The swift descent of Kane's jaw gave an accurate indication of how likely or easy he considered either of those goals to be... It was an exceptionally reluctant thumb and forefinger that had loosed their grip long enough for Peter's gun to drop to the floor and be collected by the younger of the two burglars. Peter eyed the other gunman with an even, steady and distasteful stare. He was MAD that this mongrel had beaten him to the punch by a split second with the gun, but was needing to balance his raw concern for the plight of Claire lying beneath the barrels of his shotgun on the agency floor with his molten and incandescent anger that any such piece of stuff should have put her in it in the first place. "You know they'll be on to this don't you ? He said - someone will have spotted something from the street - the upstairs office will have seen this on CCTV and made the call - you just take your pick !" Number One was now pumped with an ugly adrenaline , stoked further by his hairs-breadth quicker gunwork than Peter, and , still brandishing the shotgun like a semaphore flag, spat defiance "Yeah, and if they do -- I just start shooting - and will they want THAT - huh ? huh ?" Peter's "go for broke" strategy was high-risk, but he pursued it . Leaning forward in the grasp of the younger robber he challenged "The if you're realistic, you know they'll arrest you - charge you with armed robbery" and, jabbing his finger in the air towards the prone Claire "possible manslaughter - are you up for that ? 9 to 15 years inside ?? huh ? huh ?" The seething gunman lurched forward towards him, and, like earlier, events moved at lightening speed. As the thief moved forward, almost instantaneously he crashed heavily to the floor, an amazed Peter wasting only a fraction of a second before leaping forward, all but regardless of robber number still holding HIS Police issue pistol and standing torn with hesitation behind him. Meanwhile, Peter had been spot on about police reaction to the incident. . Via intelligence and patrols they'd known about and formulated a response - which was seconds away from its execution. As Peter dived at the fallen gunman and they number 2 robber loomed behind him with the gun, the main door of the branch was kicked down by three armed officers wearing visors - almost before anyone could have distinguished the participants in the floor-level melee, a shot rang out -... Kirsty had enjoyed her day with the girl she would always consider her true twin sister - but had spent it in a state of seething and barely suppressed curiosity. From the moment she'd got off the bus and spent the predictable few minutes exchanging spontaneously sincere hugs while squealing "Oh my GOD - it's been for EVER - Oh my GOD you look so well !!- oh my GOD etc etc, Kirsty had weighed straight in with the question that had been dogging her thoughts since the moment she'd read the letter that morning - WHY had Jade called her there and WHY -nice as it was to see her had it needed to be in person and not reportable over the phone ?? But it was then that Jade had become a little evasive - partly in a coy, head dipped, slightly blushing kind of way - and partly in a quieter, more distant sort of fashion. After some further demands, pleading and playful threats, Kirsty resolved to play whatever the day would bring by ear. They threw themselves into some serious retail therapy, gossiping animatedly as they went about the old days in Summer Bay, Kirsty's eventful recent times with Kane and the media course that Jade was studying in the City College. By the time they'd stopped for a late lunch at a burger restaurant, Kirsty had gently managed to re-introduce the subject - and with a modicum of success ! She'd managed to get Jade to confirm what had been one of her own favoured hunches - that there was a new boyfriend on the scene. But Jade's reserve and reticence had again kicked in at that point, - the coy and the distant once again competing for space as she'd only say "He's coming round to my place later on - you'll see then, ok ?" And having drawn that temporary line in the sand, Jade proposed the cinema, where they spent a relaxing and enjoyable couple of hours in the company of The Incredibles. The bus back to Jade's flat after the film was slow arriving and even slower getting them there, so as they shared a coffee on their significantly delayed return, it was a nervous -looking Jade that bobbed up and down to the window saying and repeating "he'll be here any minute - I told him about six and he's always good with time, always !" Then - gulping suddenly on a mouthful of the hot liquid she yelped "Oh - he's here, he's here !" Kirsty eyed her curiously as she left to head down the flight of wooden stairs to the door - Jade had NEVER been this on edge over a boy -even during that whole sister-competitive episode involving the two of them and an unfortunately indecisive Nick Smith, she'd NEVER seemed this frenetic - what could it all mean ? As Kirsty heard the sound of two pairs of feet ascending the stairs she knew she didn't have long at all to wait until the "Mystery of the bashful boyfriend" , a drama in many acts by J Sutherland-De Groot " was solved. First back through the door was her sister, once again reverting to the coy outlook as she semi-blushed "OK Kirst here he is..." And the highly eager expression fronting Kirsty's craned head immediately dissolved into a mask of dumbfounded amazement as she instantly realized with resounding impact just why Jade had been behaving the way she had...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily11 Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 OMG It just keeps getting better!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldscott Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 oooh i'm on the edge of my seat now! who is it? please post again soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tasha7905 Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Who is it???? The suspense will kill me. Great Fic, post again soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurz Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 wow amazing you need to do more soon you cant leave it like that. You are a very talented writer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love music Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 NO ILM, I'VE NEVER SOLD ANYTHING FOR PUBLICATION, You should try submitting something. DO YOU REALLY THINK IT MAY BE GOOD ENOUGH ? God, yes. Most fanfics on here are a very high standard (I've read some really bad ones on other fanfic sites!! ) but this is very, very good. Your style of writing reminds me of the tale-with-a-twist type stories that comes in either Bella or Best, can't remember which one it is (both UK magazines). <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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