CLASSIC Twisted Tales

[JosieTash]

Story Title: CLASSIC Twisted Tales

Genre: Random

Type of story: Long fic

Main Characters: Random

BTTB rating: A

Does story include spoilers: No

Is story being proof read: yes/ no by who?

Any warnings:

Summary: Random craziness.

Welcome one and all to the very reason why the BRILLIANT “Twisted Tales – Reborn†can exit.

All the Twisted Tales that you read in this thread were 1-st published on the official H&A Website’s message boards.

These “Classic†tales began on the 10-th of September 2003 – and were written by Wanda, Hils & myself.

BTW, when you see the name of a character in these tales that you don’t recognise as being from H&A, it will be when we’ve included ourselves (the authors), members of our family or a person that we liked OR disliked who posted messages on the Official Site boards at that time !!!

<span style='color:blue'>Chapter 1</span>

just to let you know that the writing is going sooo well.... should be nominated for a Booker prize at least. Have had a few problems with security though , friendoftam is still stalking Pam and is making a total nuisance of herself pretending she knows everyone !!!! Pam has given her the odd slap or two , but it just seems to encourage her.Ofcourse with Pam's awesome beauty and talent it's to be expected that she gets a few wierdos following her around and secretly I think she enjoys it.Jed Dejai has come up with some great ideas for the show , but it took a lot of persussion to get him to realise that pink would not suit Scott Phillip's image ...Seb on the other hand looks adorable in pink !!! Carol seems to think she has another more important show to write , I call it slacking off myself , I mean we're all busy , so it's no excuse!!! The plotlines are soooo great now , the evil baddy Colleen and her even more evil side-kick Max are bullying the poor Phillips brothers .Colleen seems to have got hold of a gun from somewhere so it's very scary stuff.Ofcourse Rhys will try and protect poor Kane , who is after all like a son to him , but can they overcome the might of the evil duo !!

Won't give any more away , but you can see how realistic and scary it will be

Author : Wanda (First published - 10/09/03)

<span style='color:blue'>Chapter 2</span>

You are giving it all away - you never know who is watching - they might nick all our brilliant ideas.

Still good move making them think we've got mad Max and cool hand Colleen in there- should put them off the scent for a bit.

Kit and Jed are being a bit slack in the ideas department - why should you and I do all the work? I think we should go on strike until they produce at least three pages of good ideas - each!!

Author: Hils (First published - 10/09/03)

<span style='color:blue'>Chapter 3</span>

Colleen is knitting matching balaclava helmets for her and Mad Max as we speak , very nice they are too , but not sure about the pom poms !!!

Poor Scott P and Kane won't know what's hit them.There was a breakthrough with the mad-eyed poodle haired skeleton this morning , he ate a crumb off one of the diner tables , I think he did it accidentally while wiping them , but hey , it should keep him going for a couple of days. Leah had problems on her arrival to USA they couldn't stand her shrieking voice so they locked her up , they then discovered that VJ could actually hear , he was just desensitised to noise by her moaning. Alex got to the city to discover that the job he was being given was actually boot/ball boy..so he is cleaning the boots and fetching the balls...about the most he can manage with his level of skill and fitness.Hayley and Jesse meanwhile are comforting each other very nicely while their respective partners are away ..nudge, nudge , wink, wink. Rhys has slung Dani out of the house for asking Shelley to visit and she is now living friendless and without family in her car outside the DIC , due to her paranoid delusions she's not allowed in. Kane ofcourse has been welcomed by Rhys with open arms into the Sutherland house , especially since he disposed of Shelley in the 'accident'.Jade is now dating Max's rat , who turned out to be the secret admirer ..the wedding is quite soon. Irene is dating Alf and Tasha and Kit are the two pupils most likely to succeed in the school.Flynn and Sally are getting a divorce because her seedy past as a hooker has finally caught up with her , although Flynn did admit she looked good in the polaroids!!

Author : Wanda (First published - 11/09/03)

<span style='color:blue'>Chapter 4</span>

Alf, having been "with" irene for a week of two, can't believe that the poodle has eaten SOOOO much in his absence that seb now can't fit thru the door at their place abpve the diner; Rhys is sooo pleased playing happy families with kirsty & the son he never had (kane) that he's totally ignoring beth - whose going all out to steal jade's fiance (the rat) from the youngest sutherland twin. tasha meanwhile has remembered that she witnessed countless things during her lengthly (100 yrs) time on eath - she's very good looking for her age - incl. how oz prime minister harold holt drowned in the 1960s, who REALLY shot JFK, and countless previously unsolved murders all over the world. Dani has got sick of sleeping in the same car for a week so she's now flaunting herself to another vehicle - her own car is not surprised that dan is attampting to cheat on it. noah was been put into a mental institution in the city - the psychiatrist thinks mr lawson is THE most screwed up person he's ever treated. the balcalava wearing collen & max have robbed everyone & everything in the bay & have gone to the city (they left scott p cowering fro mercy when they depart). sally meanwhile has decides to go back to the oldest profession in the world (her silent business partner is milko). scott h, who was tortured by max & colleen - they almost drowned him a million times - now has a averaion to water and is nearly on the nose as he hasn't showered or bath for 3 weeks. because they hurt her bro, kit has gone after cool hand collen & mad max. The people in the USA won;t let leah go til she shuts up - but leah couldn't hear those words over her own talking, and hayley has shocked the world by giving birth to jesse's triplets just 5 weeks after she slept with him - hayley is then kidnapped by a secret government agency who discover she's an alien like they thought.

author : JosieTash (First published - 11/09/03)

To be continued …

[JosieTash]

I thank you all for those graet responses !!!

i'm glad that classic twisted has got such a graet reception !!!

I love music, the protest is fantstic - we'll just have to see if this side of colleen re-emerges in "Reborn"

here's the latest batch of our mad (2003) ramblings -

Chapter 5

Colleen and Max continue their spree of robberies... while wearing their adorable hand knitted balaclavas...Rhys , Kane (The son he never had ) and Kirsty have joined Kit in the chase.

Scott Hunter has been ostricised by everyone due to his aversion to water , but kind Beth is trying aversion therapy and threw him overboard off the boat...he's still trying to find his way to shore.

The cars got fed up of Dani and so she flaunted herself to the rat who dumped Beth and Jade and they are building a nest together.

Seb is now sooo fat that he has had to be hoisted out of the window of the flat and is now working in the playground as a bouncy castle.

Jade is attempting to find ways to get to USA to visit Nick ..has joined Sally in her new proffession.

Noah has been sedated and the straight jacket he now wears is rather fetching!!

Leah is still being detained and is oblivious to the fact that Jesse ,Hayley and the triplets are sooo happy without her.

Tasha continues to solve mysteries and is becoming an international celebrity.

The new counsellor at the drop in centre is Scott Phillips whose sweet and gentle nature is winning him soo many friends at the Bay...his new best mate Flynn recommended him for the job.

Alf and Irene are getting married a week on tuesday ...there are rumours as to why it's been planned in such a hurry...will ugly Duncan soon have a little bro or sis ...

Author : Wanda (First published 11/09/03)

Chapter 6

The dazzlingly beautiful Pammy arrives in the Bay , even though the other girls are jealous of her awesome beauty they are won over by her radiant personality , all except Dani who is seething in a mad jealous rage , feeling that her crown as princess of the Bay is slipping. Scott overcomes his aversion of water to impress this mysterious beautiful new comer and Dani plots her revenge.

Tasha becomes friends with Pammy and Rhys, Kane (who is like a son to him ) and Kirsty all call off their pursuit of Mad Max and Colt 45 Colleen to throw her a big welcome to the Bay party.Everyone came , Jade and Sally did look a bit tarty but no one minded,and Sally was seen leaving with that nice man Scott Phillips , the new counsellor and bezzy mate of Flynn.Even Hayley and Jesse made an appearance with the triplets.The only person who did not come was Dani , for her twisted psychotic mind was planning to kill poor beautiful innocent Pammy( who acted her little socks off). What dastardly plan has Dani in mind...will the SB residents be able to stop her...will the beautiful and talented newcomer survive...willSeb ever fit into the diner again....will Leah ever return ??? These Q's and more will be answered in the next chapter...and where will Mad Max and Colleen strike next!!!

Author : Wanda (First published 12/09/03)

Chapter 7

Leah has become famous in the USA as "the woman who never shuts up" - she been offered her own talk show;

seb somehow made it to the water's edge where some overseas tourists tried to push him back into the water - they thought he was a beached whale;

dani decided to surpirse pammy by waiting in her house, but dan got bored waiting for Pammy to come from the party - which lasted 14 days. to reloief her boredom she had an affair with pammy's goldfish (behind the rat's back);

when Pammy did get home, dani tried to tip acid on her (to destroy her rival's great beauty) but the acid instead feel on the floor causing it to collapse,and because Pammy's new house (unknowingly) has a large cravass beneath it, the new girl had to save dani's life. dani acted all appreciative - and like panmmy's new best friend - but she still plotting pammy's downfall. dani's thinking of hiring max & cooleen to bump pammy off;

jade has made sooooo much money from her great new job that she's made on offer to josh to buy the caravan park - he said he'd give it to her for nothing if she slept with him, but jade said she wouldn't do THAT no matter how much money etc josh had;

noah's new attire has started a new trend - fashion models all arounf the world are hitting the catwalks dressed in straight jackets in all colours and fabrics;

scott h & pammy, irene & alf, and sally & scott p got married in the most amzing triple wedding to world had ever seen - they were to get married in the church, but it was destroyed by a asteroid whick fell from the sky.

Author : JosieTash (First published 12/09/03)

To be continued …….

[JosieTash]

Chapter 8

Leah's (non stop )talk show was a great success , until she booked her alien buddy and new mother of triplets Hayley to appear as a guest.It seems that no one thought to inform the hapless Leah that Jesse as indeed the faher of the triplets.A catfight ensued but even with her awesome shrieking ability Leah was no match for Hayleys alien powers!!

Mad Max and Colleen broke into the diner , but Seb had beaten them to it and ate the whole interior , naturally they were pretty pissed off about this , but consolled thmselves by torturing Seb , before making their getaway...with Rhys , Kane (the son he never had ) and Kirsty in hot pursuit!!!

Dani continues to plot against the beautiful Pammy ...but is she underestimating Pammy's vastly superior intellect??!! Dani has enlisted Josh's help.. can these two evil minds hurt our heroine !!!

Meantime Pammy is helping Tasha and Kit at school infact she is sooo gifted that she is now running the school!!

Sally has given up her new trade and settle down with the adorable Scott P , since he is Flynn's best frend and in charge of the drop in centre, he is naturally a good catch!!

Irene and Alf are epecting the patter of tiny feet soon ...no Irene's not pregnant , the rat ran away from Dani and is now livng with them!!

Scott Hunter is sooo in love with the gorgeous Pamy that he has sold the farm just to finance all the treats he plans for her...she sooo deserves it though !!

Noah has been released from the psych. hospital and the kind Scot P has given him shelter in an old outside toilet at the bottom of the garden, as a special treat he is allowed off his chain to visit the drop in centre, but only when it is empty!!And ofcourse Jade offers her services at a special discount price !!

Our heroes are closing the gap on Mad Max and Colleen , a gun fight ensues , but just as it looks as though the evil duo are going to get their come-uppance Rhys receives an urgent phone call from Scott Hunter....Pammy is in touble....naturally they drop what they are doing instantly to go and help Pammy...looks like Colleen and Mad Max will continue their rampage for a bit longer!!

Will our heroes be able to help Pammy against the evil Dani and Josh.....

Author : Wanda (First published 12/09/03)

Chapter 9

Dani & josh have kidnapped pammy are are trying to throw her in an ancient volcano which they found near the diner/ pammy has been able to the resiste them throwing her in but she is getting weaker by hour of dani & josh's constant anntics. rhys, jane can't get to her as posh has used his millions to have an electified fence quickly erected around the volcano.

leah, who is now mining 24/7, is pissiong people in the USA even more than she did to the people in Oz with her talking.

Tasha continued to solve mysteries all over the world - she is now being targetted by the CIA as they will all be out of a job if tasha crime solving rate cont'd.

alf has disowned duncan - he is now calling the rat his son.

seb is now so scared of max & cooleen (and soooo big) that he's agreed to create eathquakes near major cities (by merely walking near them) and max & coolleen to use the ensuing chaos to rob the cities dry.

jade, being the civil minded person she is, suggested to josh that she'd sleep with him if he let pammy go. the sex straved josh (let's face, who would want to sleep with him) agreed. when josh & daniu let jade (alone) thru the electric fence, jade surpirised josh by pushing him into volcano (bye, bye posh), dani used the confusion to push pammy over the edge of the volcano - but pammy was able to hold onto the edge of the volcano creater. will jade be able to save pammy from dani's evil ! tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel . . . . .

Author : JosieTash (First published 13/09/03)

Chapter 10

Although Josh died a horrible death in the furnace of the volcano , by popular demand he will be brought back to life every week , so that we can have the joy and pleasure of killing him off again for the delight of our viewing public !!

Rhys gave his buddy Kane a leg up over the electric fence and though he was injured by the electric fence our intrepid hero got to Pammy in the nick of time and rescued her.The evil Dani escaped however and is now plotting her revenge !!

The resurrected Josh chased after our hero and Pammy but not being as tough as our hero got frazzled by the electric fence.The smell of his burning flesh made everyone sick , but nevertheless a resounding cheer went up as he fried !!

Leah has now soo pissed off the Americans that they have sent her to exile in Guantanamo Bay in Cuba , where she will be caged , awaiting a quango trial for crimes that the authorities will later fabricate. The other prisoners however are now confessing to all sorts of crimes just so they can be court martialled and shot as quickly as possible to get away from her !!!

Tasha is now using her wisdom to help in the fight against crime in Summer Bay , having solved every single crime elsewhere.

Seb has now burst and they are desperately trying to find all the pieces in order to try and piece him back together !!

Jade has opened a high class brothel on the caravan park and Rhys is sooo pleased with her business acumen that he is helping her run it, Alf also volunteered but didn't want paying in cash.

Hayley and Jesse are planning to take their triplets to visit their maternal grandparents on the planet of her birth.

Colleen and Mad Max broke into the drop in centre and traumatised poor Scotty Phillips , luckily Flynn was on hand to counsell his friend.Sally is looking after poor Scotty P now.

Evil Dani crept upon Pammy's beloved Scott H on his boat and tried to get him to declare his love for her.Scott H said he would die first , evil Dani said that that could be arranged. Luckily Kirsty was walking by along the wharf and overheard, she immediately rang her dad and her beloved Kane (who is like a son to Rhys ) and together with the brave and beautiful Pammy they are racing over to help her to foil Dani's evil plans ...Dani has a gun and she's not afraid to use it ....will they be quick enough to save Scott H ....tune in ....

Author : Wanda (First published 14/09/03)

To be continued …….

[JosieTash]

The timimg (josh's return) certainly has added a nice touch of added relevance to these CLASSIC tales ..... and yep, i think that lawsuit (re Hayley) might be on it's way any day now (hehehehehehehe)

here's 3 more chapters for evryone to enjoy -

Chapter 11

Rhys used to skills he mastered playing AFL for the Sydney Swans and torepo punt a football which knocked the gun from dani's hand. dani was annoyed that her latest plan was destroyed - she took off into the bushes.

as she walked to her hide out (a shack), josh caught up with her. Dani was in no mood to talk, so to make herself feel better she pushed josh off the nearby cliff. he fell 70 metres - breaking virtually every bone in his body. He agonised in pain for 16 hrs before he died.

Pammy completed her HSC in 2 weeks (the genius that she is) and now has to sift thru the million of job offers that have come her way.

the CIA decided to use Leah the flush Sadam Hussein & Osama Bin Laden ourt of their hideouts. Once both men heard THAT voice they ran into the waiting arms of the govt agency's top men.

Since there's virtally no crime in the world, Tasha is attempting to swim around the world non stop just "for something to do".

Kane put Seb back together and the two are now the bestest of friends.

There is now one of Jade's brothels in every major city in Australia, with talk of interanational expansion. Jade's also become the world's most popular porn star !

Jesse travelled with hayley to the homeworld of her parents (aboard their space ship that everyone thought was the summer bay light house). jesse became famous on the planet Yelyah as the people there had never seen an earthling before.

Dani enlisted the help of Colleen & Max - will the 3 of them be able to best Pammy ....

Author : JosieTash (First published 15/09/03)

Chapter 12

Josh came back to life (so that we can kill him again ) and met up with evil Dani.They immediately started plotting the downfall and destruction of Summer Bay.Initially they tried to enlist the help of Mad Max and Colleen , but even they didn't want to help them , especially after the sex starved Josh tried to make a pass at Colleen.Colleen told her boyfriend , body-builder Norman what Josh had done and the muscle bound Norman literally ripped Josh limb from limb and then beat him to death with the soggy ends !!!

On her own the evil Dani crept towards Sally and Scott P's house where they were hosting a party.It was a quiet affair as poor Scotty suffers terribly from migraines if he has too much excitement. Jade was plying her trade out of sight of the others and spotted Dani's shadowy figure approaching

'Stop a minute , big boy,' she said to Alf , 'I think I saw someone creeping up to the house!'

Just then Dani grabbed our heroine Pammy ,covered her mouth over and dragged her away from the party.Pammy struggled , but felt the cold steel of a gun against her head.

Jade and Alf burst into the party

'Dani has kidnapped our heroine Pammy!!' they cried.

Scotty P burst into tears and had to be comforted by Flynn , Sally and the rat.The dribbling wreck that was once Noah licked his hand and rolled over as a sign of affection.

Our heroes Rhys, Kane (who is like a son to him) Kirsty and Kit ran after Dani , with no thought of their own safety.Scott Hunter Pammy's love would have come too , but he had been practising tying knots and was all tangled up.

As our heros approached, the sneering evil face of Dani contorted as she shouted , one more step and I'll blow her clever little brains out!!

Just as our heroes thought that Dani held all the cards , help came from an unexpected quater, a spaceship from Yelyah landed right in front of her momentarily blinding her , Pammy struggled free and ran to her friends. Unfortunately the triplets were the first to disembark from the space ship...Dani grabbed them and ran.She ran past the bits of exploded Seb on and on far away.What were our heros to do now?

Author : Wanda (First published 16/09/03)

Chapter 13

Dani began to run as fast as she could with the twins but she was no match for Pammy who caught up with her and rescued Hayley & Jesse's triplets.

Tasha finished her round the world swim, and is now walking alone across the Sahara Dessert.

Sally & Scott P have fostered 7 children - Sally initially only thought of fostering 3 kids, but kind, loving, caring Scott P insisted on 7 !

Kit Hunter decided to run for parliment - her campaign slogan is "ban all alcohol" !

Rhys is over the moon that Kirsty is preggers to Kane (the son he never had).

Mad Max has got even madder - he killed Josh by shooting him 100 times (just because Josh is Josh) - after he and Colleen had falling out when Norman (the new manager of the gym because Jesse & Hayley have their hands full 25/7 dealing with the alien triplets) convinced Colleen to give up her life of crime.

Jade's move from porn star to main stream actress went amaizingly well - her 1st film became the highest grossing movie in history (and the critics LOVE the film SOOOOOO much that there's already talk that she will win best actress at the next Academy Awards).

Evil Dani has linked up with a terrorist organisation - she plans to blow up everyone & everything in the bay ..... wil she succeed ?

Author : JosieTash (First published 16/09/03)

To be continued ……

[JosieTash]

I'm so glad that you all are really enjoying these CLASSIC tales - all the plagiarism talk is such fun and belgshelp, LOVE your thoughts about Dani being the summer bay stalker (in disguise)

here's the next 3 CLASSIC tales -

Chapter 14

Dani was unwittingly helped by Leah who secured the release of several terrorists by boring their guards to death. Dani teamed up with them and they began plotting with the now alive Josh which places to target.

Now that Pammy was principal of the school this became the first target. Luckily one of Sally and Scotty P's kids over heard the plot and immediately told Pammy. She rang our heroes Rhys and Kane (who is now even more like a son to him) who came straight over. The pregnant Kirsty is busy getting child rearing tips from Hayley and Jesse.

They watched as the terrorists, Dani and Josh planted explosives and disarmed each one in turn. As the terrorists and the evil duo moved to a safe vantage point they sneakily followed them and planted the explosives. Unfortunately Rhys sneezed at the worst possible moment (he has an allergy to plastic explosives) and the terrorists and Dani ran away. Fortunately Josh tripped up and lay helpless in agony with a compound fracture to his leg as he watched the fuse on the explosive burn nearer and nearer until BOOM, he was blown into millions of little pieces.

The explosion was heard all over the Bay and poor Scotty P had to have a lie down because it scared him sooo much, but with the love and support of Sally and his foster children he soon felt better.

Noah was very frightened also, but Flynn, who has been taken care of him, gave him a big hug. Noah is making good progress and now only has to wear his straight jacket when he becomes over excited.

Jade won an Oscar and has moved to the States, however her seedy past may yet come back to haunt her.

Pammy and Scott are planning a lavish wedding, but will the evil Dani ruin their big day. Tasha has now crossed the Sahara. What will her next big adventure be? Norman is acting strangely...has he become addicted to body building steroids.

Someone sabotages Kits campaign...who and why!!!

These Q's and more will be answered when you next tune in !!!

Author : Wanda (First published 16/09/03)

Chapter 15

Kit's campaign is going sooooo well that alcohol sales has plummeted all over Australia, so the beer & spirits companies got one of their female staff to arrive in the bay to convince seb to keep an eye on kit. Despite the fact that the girl was ugly, seb was pleased that a girl of any kind was paying him some attention. He followed kit everywhere - hoping to take a snap of miss hunter drinking.

The steroids Norman’s been using have turned him into a hulk like creature by night and a mild mannered man by day. Norman doesn't even rem the mindless destruction he causes each night.

Josh didn't like it that the people in the bay were moistly so happy. He talked to Leah about the situation. She literally talked him to death because josh shot & killed himself rather than put up with that voice.

Tasha has decided to try to become the world's 1st female Formula 1 world champion. She’s been an instant success driving go-karts, and already the F1 teams scouts are keeping an eye on her.

The truth about Jade's porn past was discovered by a trashy USA mag - but this increases the public's love of the younger Sutherland twin and her 2nd mainstream film (which includes several raunchy sex scenes, and jade's character nude most of the time) outgrosses her 1st movie to be become the most profitable film in history.

Hayley & Jesse are rich - having written the best selling book "how to raise alien triplets".

Mad max has ditched colleen as his partner in crime for someone madder than him - Noah.

Despite the father that kirsty's bubs aren't born yet, Rhys has sent in an application to the "father of the year" contest nominating Kane (the son he never had).

Evil Dani has discovered that Scott h & Pammy have decided to get married in wetsuits in the rock pool (because they both LOVE the water). She has placed some of the terrorists' explosives on the ocean floor - hoping to cause a tidal wave-creating earthquake. Will she succeed?

Author : JosieTash (First published 17/09/03)

Chapter 16

The fat boy virgin, Seb, followed Kit around spying on her (well he was actually perving) trying to catch her with a drink of alcohol. When it became obvious that she was genuinely t-total now, he spiked her drink !! However he got the wrong glass and poor wickle Scotty P, who of course came from a Christian, church going, t-total family accidentally drank it. Poor Scotty P felt terribly ill and Sally and the kids had to take him home for a lie down.

Noah unfortunately chewed up his balaclava and bit Alf on the leg during his first heist with Mad Max.They were robbing the diner when suddenly Alf returned early from Kit's political rally.... after a tetanus shot Alf was OK and Flynn is helping him get over it. Mad Max has decided that Noah must go back on his leash for the time being.

Colleen saw Norman transform into the beastly hulk last night ...it turned her on incredibly and they stayed locked in the bedroom all night...neighbors reported loud howling noises !!

Josh went to find Dani because he was feeling horny, even Dani didn't want him, and when he carried on pestering her she pretended to want to indulge in some dominatrix / bondage activity. Since this was something they had done many times before, Josh was not suspicious, he allowed Dani to tie him up, while creepily saying ''yes mistress'' to her. Dani however then flung the helpless Josh into the middle of the road and repeatedly ran him over, whilst cackling madly to herself. Josh died of his painful injuries at her 567th attempt to kill him, luckily just before she ran out of petrol!!

Rhys and Kane (the son he never had) jointly won the father of the year award; sweet-boy Kane had nominated Rhys (the father he never had) secretly. The judges were so touched by the close relationship these two men shared that they overlooked the fact that Kirsty had not actually given birth to Kane's child yet !!

Jade came to visit the Bay, high on her Hollywood success, she gave a warm speech about how she would never forget the people who helped her to international stardom, and offered freebies at the back of the bike sheds as a gesture of sincerity. Alf seemed very breathless and worn out, when he returned from ''a long walk'', and had a twinkle in his eye !!!

After killing Josh Dani tried to get to the detonator at the rock pool, guests had started arriving...would anyone notice her evil shadowy presence...the ceremony is about to begin.... will she wreak her revenge on Pammy and Scott H ??!!

Author : Wanda (First published 17/09/03)

to be continued ....

[JosieTash]

I seriously can't believe all the ironies that are occuring - either that or i'm Nostradamus reincarnated.

here's the latest bathch of utter lunacy/brilliance !!

Chapter 17

Scott P has joined Kit in her campaign to ban all alcohol. The beer company’s stunt has further increased the popularity of kit's new political party (making the federal government very nervous as their approval rating plummets).

Meanwhile, seb has now become so obsessed with kit that he's stalking her. Constable Corelli has issued her a retraining order but seb still follows her everywhere - albeit from on little further away.

Noah was only pretending to be stupid to become a "mole" in Max’s operation - but the young man has "turned to the dark side" and is REALY enjoying committing crimes esp. when he robbed josh.

Noah then drugged posh, and woke him JUST before he dumped him overboard - with weights tied to Mr. west's body - from the blaxland that Noah "borrowed". Josh subsequently agonizingly drowned - Noah said "good riddance to bad rubbish".

Alf has sacked colleen from her job at the diner - because she never turns up for her shifts. She’s resting during the day after going at it all night long with Norman - indeed, the two are seriously considering entering the seniors section of the sex Olympics.

Tasha is now blitzing the field racing Formula Fords. The F1 talents scouts are arranging for her drive for Formula 3000 team (to see how she competes in the category one wrung below Formula 1).

Kirsty gave birth to twins. She and Kane named them Kane jnr and Scott (to really confuse people) - after Kane’s kindhearted bro.

Everyone is concerned for Jade, who is having sex literally 24/7, with both guys AND girls. She's not eating - well she's not consuming food anyway.

Beth is having visions of the late Jack - indeed, she's cheating on Rhys with the spirit of her dead hubby.

Hayley & Jesse (despite the millions they gained from their best selling book) are almost sent broke as their alien triplets (2 girls & a boy) continue grow out of their clothes every week - the 3 kids are the height/weight of an average (totally human) 7 yr old by the time they celebrate the 1st birthday.

Scott H gave pammy the most gorgeous little puppy as a (yet another) wedding present, and pammy loved the pooch sooooo much she held it with arms during the wedding ceremony.

The happy couple had just exchanged the most romantic (self written) vows anyone had ever heard when, just seconds before Dani was about push down on the detonator, (which would kill her arch rival - and everyone else at the wedding), Pammy spotted the eldest Sutherland daughter. Such was Pammy's speed & precision that dani didn't even see Pammy remove the fuse from the donator and thrown it into the ocean.

When dani noticed what had happened, she said, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too". Dani then ran off - cackling as she went.

How will josh die next? What will dani's next scheme to get pammy be? Will Kit become Australia's 1st female prime minister? Tune in next time - and you might find out!

Author : JosieTash (First published 18/09/03)

Chapter 18

Kit and Scotty P's campaign is going well. Scotty’s mild-mannered approach is really getting through to people, although he is getting very anxious about fat-boy Seb stalking Kit. What are Seb's real motives? How dangerous is he?)

Noah and Mad Max are having tremendous fun as the gangsters from the Bay. Noah seems to think he is a New York black guy and talks in ghetto slang, which makes the hold-ups a bit difficult because Max has to translate everything he says. But they are having such fun anyway, that most people are letting them get on with it.(or are they?)

Josh crawled out from the sea, but was immediately spotted by Alf, who was doing a spot of fishing. Alf immediately put his gutting knife to good use and literally disemboweled the screaming Josh. He then used the pieces of Josh as bait and had the best day's fishing ever!!

Colleen and Norman have had their entry into the senior sex Olympics accepted and are now practicing non-stop!! (Will they win or are they wearing themselves out?)

Tasha's success in motor sports continues, winning all her races easily. (Will her success continue?)

Rhys is sooo overjoyed at being a grandparent to little Kane jnr and little Scotty that he threw a massive party to celebrate. Luckily Kane (who is like a son to Rhys) spotted the now severely demented Dani skulking around and scuppered her plans to hurt the beautiful Pammy and her adorable puppy. Scott Hunter was so grateful to Kane that he gave him his share of the Blaxland ...he was a pretty crap sailor anyway and will now stick to building boats.(What will the demented Dani do now?)

Jesse has taken over at the gym again, to finance the rapidly growing triplets and because Norman is too busy with Colleen. Hayley is painting some masterpieces to help with the money as well as writing another book.(Will they continue to struggle?)

Jade is still a cause for concern, so while Scotty P is on the campaign trail, Sally is kindly helping Jade out with her many sex customers, Sally is sooo kind, and she has even agreed to do a porno movie with Jade to help her out !! Of course Scotty supports her 100% !! (or does he ?)

Beth is still screwing her dead husbands ghost, which is distressing poor Rhys, but Kane is helping him through this difficult time and supporting him. He is considering making friends with the ghost and making it a threesome...but will the ghost of Jack Hunter agree ??

Author : Wanda (First published 18/09/03)

Chapter 19

Seb has become so obsessed by Kit that is stealing her underwear. He has also had a sex doll created in her likeness (because he can't have the real thing).

All the while, kit & Scott p's political party continues to gain supporters - both in Australia & overseas.

Max has decided to give up the crime business - to become Noah’s new manager, after Mr. Lawson used his ghetto slang talk as the basis for a massive hit single (are people buying Noah's music because they think it's funny, or do they seriously think Noah is Australia’s answer to Eninem?)

The pieces of josh came back together (T 1000 style) in the diner. Josh then decided to kill everyone in the bay by poisoning the coffee in the eatery. The rat told Pammy josh's plan and she switched the diner's coffee with some of josh's expensive stuff. As josh was dying because of the poison, pammy told him who tipped her off - josh's final word was (appropriately) "ratsâ€!

Colleen & Norman easily won their seniors sex Olympics - colleen said she hasn't felt this good since she won the miss groper beauty contest in 1959! The pair has become sex symbols to elderly people all over the world.

Alex's self esteem continued to degrade. The kids in the local under 7's soccer competition are more skilled at the game than he is. He can't pay for a top line soccer coach, but he's hoping a great coach will teach him for free - if they don't, Leah will go around to their house and talk 25/7 until the person gives in.

Tasha blitzed the European F3000 Championship. She is invited to test for the Ferrari Formula 1 team. During her 1st test, she has high-speed crash. Such is the strength of a modern racecar, tasha escaped without injury. When the engineers are sorting thru the wreckage, they discover the car had been tampered with - buy whom they wondered?

Dani decided to try and kill pammy from long range, so she bought a high-powered rifle and waited in the trees near the boat shed. Her latest scheme to take out pammy was ruined when Irene spotted Dani in the tree (Irene was looking into the woods for tasha - having forgotten miss Andrews was overseas)

Kirsty, Kane & their kids were named "family of the year", with the most votes any family has ever rec'd - most were from rhys (for the son he never had).

The alien triplets, which were causing financial concern for Jesse & hayley, have led them to a goldmine. Hayley has ditched making clothes for toddlers, and is making them for REALLY tall people. ALL the basketball clubs in the world order outfits from hayley. Will the pressure be too much for her?

Jade is REALLY pleased that Sally is helping her out. Indeed, she asked Sal to be her co-star in her 3rd big Hollywood blockbuster. Will it be as successful as the 1st?

Scott p meanwhile has decided to divorce sally, as he believes that her being in a porn film sets a VERY bad example to their now adopted children.

Beth likes the idea of a 3some, but only if Rhys is dead like jack. Does Rhys love Beth enough to agree to her request?

Author : JosieTash (First published 19/09/03)

[JosieTash]

belgshep, we never had ANY trouble thinking of new ways for Posh Josh to die !!!

I love music, that Rhys/Kane thing - written just after kane came back to the Bay in 2003 - was so wonderfully great to write !!!

hope you all enjoy this trio of chapters !!!

Chapter 20

Seb was caught by Irene nicking Kit's knickers, she paraded him through Summer Bay with a ''pervert'' sign around his neck, hoping the humiliation would cure him of his obsession. Unfortunately Seb enjoyed the experience and now has developed an obsession for Irene.(How will Irene react?)

Sally and Scotty P divorced amicably and Kit revealed her true feelings to him. Apparently ever since their first meeting, when Scotty P had been found by her in the Hunters barn, nursing a sick kitten, and she had given him breakfast, Kit has loved Scotty P. Does Scotty feel the same way about Kit?

Noah's rap music has been selling well...in the comedy section ...Max is now writing the lyrics and they are doing really well...their life of crime is behind them...but will their past come back to haunt them?

Colleen and Norman have signed a lucrative advertising deal high on the success of their Olympic medal. They plan to open a health spa/sex therapy clinic for geriatrics on the caravan park. Business has been bad for Rhys so he's all for the idea. Josh found out about their plans and as part owner of the park tried to sabotage their plans out of spite. Norman found out and during his night time transformation grabbed Josh and tore him limb from limb ...this turned Colleen on so much she nearly fainted with excitement!!

Alex was sooo humiliated when his football skills (lack of) were screened on TV. He was so upset that he and Leah went into hiding, although her shrill voice soon gave them away. They then went to the city so mumsy and dadsy could comfort poor wickle Alexi with lots of mousaka and parental smothering. Wherever Alex went little kids pointed and laughed, while his over protective mum swore at them in Greek and shook her fist....will Alex ever be man enough to cut the apron strings?

The evil person behind the sabotage of Tasha's car was none other than the demented Dani....she evaded capture by the police however and is thought to be making her way back to Summer Bay...what evil deeds will she do next? The sweet adorable Phillips family begged Rhys not to kill himself and since Kane is like a son to him Rhys eventually listened to him. Kirsty persuaded Beth to try the threesome with Rhys alive and she agreed to give it a go. K/K and the twins were overjoyed. Will the ghost agree?

Hayley seems to be neglecting her family as she becomes obsessed with her lucrative business venture...what does the future hold for her and Jesse?

Jade and Sally's new film was a flop...they returned to the Bay ...does Sally now regret divorcing Scotty P ....who does he choose Kit or Sally. Jade returns to her old profession, but what is the business proposition Colleen and Norman have for her?

Author : Wanda (First published 19/09/03)

Chapter 21

Irene, being the kind hearted woman that she is, decided to confront seb' obsession with her head on. She offered to sleep with him, but seb embarrassingly came before he'd even unbuckled his belt. What will Seb & Irene do now?

Scott revealed to kit that he fell in love with her moment he saw her in the barn. He also thinks she's a great role model for their adopted kids - having beaten her alcohol addiction and all. Kit & scott p's engagement has further increased the popularity op their political party, and that fed government is getting very nervous now that the election voting day is only 2 weeks from now.

Constable Corelli arrested both max - for the robberies he committed, and Noah - for crimes against music. I wonder who the judge in their trial will be?

Colleen & Norman’s new business venture is going well - indeed the pair has joined forces with jade (who still owns a high-class brothel in every major city in Oz). While colleen & Norman are enjoying running the business together, jade is thoroughly enjoying doing what she does best - giving guys and girls the best SEX they've EVER had)

Alex has reverted to acting lie a baby - and his mummy loves him soooo mush she pushes him around in the world's biggest pram. The kids laugh even more at him now.

At Tasha’s next test session, she breaks the lap record easily and is contacted to the Ferrari Formula 1 team for the next 5 years. With her looks and remarkable talent, tasha now the hottest, most highest paid (through salary & endorsements) athlete in the world.

Dani once again decided to concentrate on killing Pammy. She had a robotic version of Pammy’s puppy built and placed a bomb inside, but Pammy realizes the dog was fake and was able to defuse it before it went off.

Josh was walking near where dani created the robotic dog. Dani actually created teo as the 1st one didn't look like Pammy’s pup enough. Josh bound the 1st attempt (and not knowing it wasn't real) picked it up. When he did so, the bomb detonated, and posh was blown into a million pieces.

Jack disagreed and is now haunting Rhys and has told Beth to choose between him and Rhys. Who will Beth choose?

Whilst wonderful kane stayed home to care for their twins, Kirsty went to uni and got her PE teaching degree. She's rec'd lots of offers from schools all over the world. Will she ask kane to move away from the bay with her, or will she stay and teach at SBH (even with a lot smaller pay cheque)?

Hayley is totally obsessed by her new business, while Jesse & the recently divorced sally seem to be getting on really well, and the alien triplets are glad that sally is paying them so much attention.

What will happen next? Which former resident returns to the bay - and why are they back?

Author : JosieTash (First published 20/09/03)

Chapter 22

Irene is trying desperately to teach Seb the basics, but his premature ejaculation problem is getting worse. He is now reverting to overeating in his frustration at being the Bays only virgin. Irene has wisely advised him to ''tie a knot in it’’, which he is attempting to do. Will this drastic measure help him?

Scotty P and Kit continue to gain popularity with their strong stance on family values and anti-alcohol...will their popularity continue?

Seb and Noah have decided to plead NOT GUILTY despite the huge amount of evidence to the contrary...Morag Bellingham, judge and number one bitch will be presiding over the case ...is Noah's only hope that she is a secret Eminem fan??

Colleen, Norman and Jade have hit a hitch ...apparently there have been complaints from the neighbours ...with Morag returning to the Bay will this be bad news for the new business venture?? Does Norman know Morag from the past??

Alex has been seen by the press in his large pram and is now a figure of fun and ridicule world wide, but when he got upset mumsy kissed him better !!

Tasha's success has astounded the world of formula 1, but how will she cope with fame and fortune??

Demented Dani has gone into hiding, but is continuing to plot and scheme, she rather unfairly blamed her last failure on Josh and in a fit of fury stabbed him seventy nine times through his heart, he died writhing in agony declaring his love for her.

Kirsty was persuaded by Kane to take up the teaching post at SBH, because the sweet boy is concerned for Rhys's well being and feels they should support him in his fight against the ghost of Jack Hunter. They are bringing in an exorcist and Floss is returning to help in the fight against the evil spirit!!

Sally and Jesse appear to be falling in love ...Hayley remains obsessed with her business and remains oblivious ...Flynn has tried talking to her but she told him to ''rack off!!''

What happens next??!!

Author : Wanda (First published 20/09/03)

[JosieTash]

I'm so pleased that you're enjoying these CLASSIC tales !!!!!

My fave bits - from the recent chapters I’ve been posted to the thread - are Tasha’s quest to become Formula 1 world champion (with the added bonus of her looks & talent being a fore runner to this year’s mega success of Danica Patrick) and the whole Beth/Rhys/ghost of Jack hunter storyline !!!

Making fun of Alex was also most enjoyable !!!

here's the next 3 adventures -

Chapter 23

Nothing seb tried has worked, so he has decided to become a total hermit, wanting to never see, and speak to, anyone ever again. Will anyone notice his absence?

Scott P & kit's anti-alcohol party is polling better than the government with 1 week to go till the election, but does kit resent that the party members have elected scott as their prime ministerial candidate?

Morag is not only a fan of the US rapper, but she secretly arranged him to speak on Noah’s behalf at the trial. Will Eminem's words be enough to save Noah? and will someone discover what Morag did?

Jade decided to confront the neighbour problem literally head on. She offered each of them free sex for a year - everyone jumped at the chance to sleep with HOT HOT HOT teenage nymphomaniac.

Morag expressed her concerns to colleen & Norman, but Norman told her he'll go public with a dark secret from Morag’s past in she continues to cause problems for the brothel/sex therapy clinic.

Alex’s mummy entered him into a beautiful baby contest - and she had her mafia connections ensure that Alex won 1st prize.

Tasha's on track performances with brilliant - she co-lead the drivers championship with team mate Michael schumacher, but will the seemingly never ending parties, and marriage proposals from many top Hollywood stars begin to affect Tasha’s motorsport success?

Dani decided to try to become friends with Pammy. Pammy, the kind-hearted person she is, accepted Dani’s "heart of heart". Will our heroine realise before it's too late that Dani’s still up to not good?

Josh decided that if tasha could complete well in motorsports, so could he, but in his very 1st race (in a go-cart) he had a massive crash and died.

Floss & the exorcist capture the evil ghost of Jack, but Beth decided she didn't want the late hubby to "die" again so she set him free & has run away with him.

Kane (the son Rhys never had) is consoling Rhys over his loss, as are Kirsty and the twins.

Sally & Jesse got engaged - the wedding is next week, while Flynn (literally) washed hayley mouth out with soap. Hayley subsequently had Flynn charged with assault.

What will go down next time?

Author : JosieTash (First published 22/09/03)

Chapter 24

Nobody has noticed that Seb is living the life of a hermit. His hair is growing bushier and bushier and several endangered species are now nesting in it. His hair has been declared a natural game preserve and the endangered species are protected from harm.

Kit is secretly seething that Scotty P has been chosen as prime ministerial candidate, in fact she is sooo upset that she is finding it hard not to turn to alcohol...will she confide in sweet, kind Scotty P before it's too late/or will she turn to drink?

Eminem was a huge hit at the trial...unfortunately however the jurors were a load of old gits who were so disgusted by his language that they immediately released Noah and Mad Max, but sentenced Eminem to thirty years hard labour.... The music industry bosses are not impressed and are blaming Morag.... How will Morag wriggle out of this one?

Jade, Colleen and Norman are doing sooo well that they are taking a holiday...they've left Alf in charge.... Is that wise?

Alex is now being potty trained by mummy, unfortunately mummy was so proud of this monumental achievement that she posted pictures up of it on the net.... now both her and Alex are facing indecency charges!! How will Alex cope without mumsy in jail??

Tasha's non-stop hectic partying/racing lifestyle is taking its toll, is the tiredness too much...is she an accident waiting to happen?

Pammy is still blissfully unaware that Dani is secretly plotting her revenge...Dani further gained Pammy's trust by playing a game of 'torture Josh' with her. After several hours of causing Josh severe pain and anguish the two girls appeared to bond.... but Pammy is unaware of Dani's true intentions. The girls got bored with the game and set fire to him to warm themselves up as it was getting chilly ...he subsequently died an agonizing death...hehehe!!!

Beth and the ghost are blissfully happy, while K/K struggle to support Rhys through his grief...Rhys declared that if it wasn't for the love and support of his family, but especially Kane (the son he never had) he would not have made it.... How will they cope without Beth's cooking?

Leah and the rest of the family are rallying around poor wickle Alexi and mama...how will they help them?

Author : Wanda (First published 22/09/03)

Chapter 25

The forest Seb is living in is targeted for destruction to make way for a new motorway, but environmentalists have lobbied to get Seb (esp. his hair) world heritage listed.

Kit realised she can't do things alone, so she confided in kind, sweet scott p, who convinced the party members that kit should be their PM candidate. Kit was SOOO pleased, and the general public loved the idea SOOO much that kits was elected as Australia's 1st female Prime Minister.

Morag has turned into a complete wreck because of what happened. Will alf get revenge on his sister by putting her into a home?

Alf decided that since jade and esp. colleen & Norman ere GREAT in bed that he'd become a sex worker. While most women wouldn't take a chance with the old guy, the 1st chick to do so proclaimed that Alf is the best root she EVER had - jade & Co’s business is now more profitable than ever.

Alex isn't coping at all without his jailbird mumsy - he's reverted to doing his business in nappies AND he needs a new nappy every 2 minutes or so. Greenpeace are protesting against the family's use of all those disposable diapers.

Tasha & Michael Schumacher go into the last race of the season tied on points for the championship. Michael has problem early in the race and appears that Tasha will take the world Ch’ship, but she looses concentration (because of her flamboyant life style) and crashes out of the event in the 2-nd last lap. Michael schumacher wins the Ch’ship and worse still, Tasha’s crash has made her loose her memory AGAIN.

Dani decided to get rid of Pammy by inserting some plastic explosives into Pammy's fave bra. The moment Pammy touches the bra the explosives will go off. So to not raise suspicion she put the explosives in just after she hung the bra on the clothes line (expecting Pammy to take it of the line) but an obsessed-with-Pammy josh tried to steal the bra and was blown to smithereens.

Kirsty tried to cook for herself kane, Rhys & the twins. The meal was so horrible that kane had to rush Rhys (the father he never had) to the hospital were Flynn was able to save Rhys.

Kane then asked jade if she could lend them some money - for a full time caterer at the Southland place. Will jade agree to the request?

Alex’s mum was released from prison - after the NSW state premier couldn't stand Leah constant (24/7) talking. Leah was pleased she had achieved her mission.

What will happen next?

Author : JosieTash (First published 23/09/03)

[JosieTash]

The Poulos family are a great source for ridicule - and although Seb was a pretty good charecter for a while, he really got annoying in his last 6 of so months on the show .... so there's PLENTY of seb's stuff to come in CLASSIC Twisted.

BTW, how ironic/cool is this !!!!!

After I’d posted chapters 23-25 yesterday, I noticed that chapters that I posted 23 & 24 (on BTTTB) two years to the day after they were 1-st published on the official site boards !!! ............ AND the same thing applies to chapter 26 today !!!!

Chapter 26

The environmentalist have made a camp in Seb's hair...unfortunately the Mway is scheduled anyway...a fight ensued and Josh who was hiding in the hair got cut into hundreds of pieces by a chain saw.... such an unfortunate accident...hehehe !!! Who will win the battle for Seb's hair?

Kit declared her undying love for the kind and mild-mannered Scotty P in her first ever speech as Prime Minister...aaahhh!!

Morag is in a maximum-security mental hospital...Dani has been visiting her...why?

Alf is really enjoying being a super stud and doesn't want to return to the diner!!

Alexi has now reverted to baby talk and will only eat pureed food, the customers at the diner are leaving in droves, as he will only serve baby mush...Alf fires him.

Kirsty is working as a PE teacher at SBH, so in order to help out at home

Kane took over cooking duties at the Sutherlands and his food was delicious ..Rhys is sooo proud of the son he never had. Kane invited Alf around for a meal and Alf was so impressed that he gave Kane the diner.... the Poulos family are out-raged, they want little Alexi back in the diner...what will they do??

Tasha has no memory at all ...Dani is trying to be-friend her ...what devious motive does she have...Pammy is getting suspicious...will she be able to get to Tasha in time ??

Author : Wanda (First published 23/09/03)

Chapter 27

The motorway company secret raided Seb’s hair and cut it ALL off. The environmentalists were devastated, except for one girl (Teresa Green) who thinks the bald headed seb is HOT. Will the greenie chick be able to help seb with his premature ejaculation problem?

One of Kit's 1st decisions, as PM, is to cut all ties for the war mongering Americans. How will US president react to this?

Dani has offered to help Morag escape form the hospital - is Morag helps her in the future. Will Morag agree?

Since more tourists are coming to the bay because of Alf's sexual ability than his diner operating, everyone thinks its best that alf remain at his new employment, but will his new job prove to racy for the old guy to handle?

The Poulos' are SOOO incensed with alf's decisions to hire kane that they've decided to ask the increasingly mentally unstable dani to "take care" of kane. Dani accepts with glee.

The very busy dani has convinced tasha that Pammy is the one who killed her parents. Tasha is now thinking of a fiendish plan to get rid off Pammy.

Josh meanwhile has decided to go nowhere near anyone or anything, but whilst lying in bed, he is killed with a American satellite falls out of the sky and crushes him

What will occur in the next thrilling (twisted) ep?

Author : JosieTash (First published 24/09/03)

Chapter 28

Unfortunately Seb's total inadequacy in the bedroom dept. continues, in fact like Samson, now his locks have been shorn he even lacks the strength to ejaculate prematurely, never mind anything else. The greenie chick left him in disgust and went off with Josh. However on discovering what a capitalist swine Josh was she throttled him to death using environmentally friendly twine !!!

The US is considering military action against Australia, but the rest of the world, fed up with the war-mongering Yanks has rallied together ...so if the US declare war then they're on their own... what will happen??

Dani snuck Morag out of the hospital...but is Morag really fooled or is she playing Dani at her own game...who is the sneakiest bitch of all??

Alf is exhausted and Flynn ordered complete bed rest...unfortunately Alf misunderstood the instructions and is now in a coma...will Alf recover??

The Poulos family tried fire bombing the diner, but our hero Kane rescued everyone inside at great risk to his own safety and received a medal of commendation...little Alexi is livid and mama Poulos is plotting her revenge!!

Kane's loving brother is concerned for his special little brothers safety, he has always cared and looked after him so well in the past...but Rhys has promised him that now Kane is like a son to him, that poor Scotty P can relax and concentrate on helping Kit in her fight against the Yanks, because Rhys would never let anything bad happen to Kane...but will he be able to protect Kane against the evil Poulos's especially now that Leah has returned to the Bay??

Author : Wanda (First published 24/09/03)

[JosieTash]

I love music, i'm glad that your enjoying these MAD tales - and there's heaps of chapters to post yet - as we contuniued writing chapters of what's now known as CLASSIC Twisted until the end of May 2004 !!!!

belgshep, the other great part about posting these tales is that i've not read most of them for a while as well - so i'm re-reading the tales as i go ... lots of GREAT stuff (if i do say so myself)

here's the next trio of chapters -

C29

Some of greenies have asked seb to go overseas with them - so a wildlife sanctuary can be declared in seb's rapidly growing hair in the Amazon basin. Seb agree, but will anyone in the bay stop him from leaving?

The US President astounds the world by backing down from his stance, but what kit & the residents of Australia don't knows is that the Yankees are secretly out to get the aussies. Will Prime Minister Kit Hunter discover the evil US plan?

Once Morag is realised, she threatens Dani. If miss Sutherland doesn’t kill Eninem for her, she'll use her legal contacts to ensure that Dani rots in prison for the many times she's tried to kill pammy.

Everyone thinks Alf is a goner, but then the angelic pammy gives him a kiss on the lips and he returned to the land of the living. Alf then declares his undying love for pammy, but what does pammy think of Alf?

Rhys decided to confront Leah head on. Kane (the son Rhys never had) AND Leah couldn't believe that Rhys listened to the Greek chef's constant ranting for 4 days straight. Because of this, Leah completely lost her mind - the polous family are far more angry now. What will they try next?

Meanwhile, Tasha is gathering an army of wild animals. Will pammy be able to survive their attack?

PS, How silly of me to forget something REALLY important in this chapter -

Josh was pestering Jade to sleep with him. In the end, the usually calm (whilst not having sex) jade lost it. She grabbed josh's (tiny) appendage and ripped in from his body. Josh then agonisingly bled to death.

Author : JosieTash (First published 25/09/03)

C30

Seb is enjoying life in the Amazon jungle and has discovered that a certain species of monkey have very quick, as in a millisecond, sex. He is now living happily with this 'family' of monkeys and hopes to marry one soon. As soon as the ceremony is over he will finally lose his virginity.... or will he??

Kit's kind, loving, super-intelligent boyfriend Scotty P, has figured out the USA's dastardly plan, but what can they do against the might of the Yanks??

Dani is livid that she has to divert from her obsession with killing Pammy and kill Eminem instead...will she agree??

Jesse and Sally are raking in the money, whereas Hayley, despite working 24/7 has found her business, after it's initial success has nose-dived, what will she do now??

Rhys tried reasoning with the Poulos family, in order to stop their terror campaign against Kane, who is like a son to him. But mama Poulos is determined on revenge and little Alexi wouldn't stop crying for his dummy (pacifier) so Rhys gave up. He warned poor Kane to be vigilant.... what will the Poulos's try next??

The wild animals with Tasha at their head attacked Pammy running at her, but as they got closer, they were overcome by her natural charm and beauty and immediately sensed what a good person she was ...Tasha's memory came flooding back and she and Pammy hugged. Just then Josh appeared and sensing his diabolical evil nature the animals immediately pounced on him and tore him to pieces!!!

Author : Wanda (First published 25/09/03)

C31

Anthropologists, incl. Sir David Attenborough, have made their way to the Amazon to witness the monumentual event of sex between a man (seb) and a monkey (which they’ve named Eve). Unbelievably, Seb IS able to impregnate Eve. The anthropologists now await the birth of the new half-human/half monkey baby, but how will the new species affect the order of things on earth?

Scott P discovers that the yanks are planning on turning Aussies back into US loving people through a special (drugged) version of Coca-Cola. Scott then invented a drink (called Kit Cola) that's even tastier than Coke, but will all Aussies be convinced to stop drinking the US product?

Dani decided to risk Morag’s wrath and continued plotting to kill Pammy. Dani attached a bomb to Pammy’s car. Pammy sensed this, and let "gentleman" Josh open the car for her. He was blown into a zillion pieces.

Hayley asked Noah to help her. His wacky ideas bought LOTS of new clients to their business, but will Noah’s craziness drive Hayley bonkers as well?

The Polous family decided if they can’t beat Rhys, Kane (the son Rhys never had) & the rest of the Sutherlands then they’d kill them by lighting a massive bushfire near the caravan park. Alexi, Leah and mumsy were sooo sure this would be the end of Kane and co., but for the 1st time in 6 years, it rained in summer bay (thanks to jade & Kane leading the Sutherlands in a moving prayer session).

Because of her skills with animals, Tasha has become famous worldwide (and has open a zoo on the outskirts of the bay), but what will crocodile hunter Steve Irwin do about someone muscling in on his turf (so to speak)?

Author : JosieTash (First published 26/09/03)