Remembrance of Time

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 41

El, Leah, Rachel and Irene were sitting round the table for their usual lunch. El had cooked and served lasagne with salad. She had a crisp chilled white wine with non-alcoholic versions available for the non-drinkers. She was wearing a vintage Dior dress and had at last started growing her hair back It touched to just below her ears. She had it a sleek style today as opposed to the normal curls she favoured.

“How are things?” Rachel asked in a quiet moment when they were alone.

She looked at her.

“Fine.” She said. “Things are fine.”

She turned and picked up a plate off the table to carry it through to the kitchen and in her nervous handling it slipped from her grasp and fell to the hard wooden decking below and smashed.

She looked at it and then at the sympathetic look form Rachel and it reached the final straw. She picked up the next plate and smashed that. Then the third and finally the forth plate before sinking to her knees and burst into tears.

Leah and Irene rushed out to them.

“Oh my stars!” Irene said.

“I can’t do it anymore Rachel.” She cried.

“I know.” Rachel murmured and came over to her.

She helped her up and Irene swept up the pieces of broken china. She guided El over to the bench and sat them down her arm still around her. Leah sat the other side and Irene pulled up a chair.

“Now spill it Darl.” Irene said to her.

“My husband doesn’t love me anymore.” She murmured.

“Now I’m sure that isn’t true.” Leah said softly.

“Then why hasn’t he made love to me for the past 20 months? Why won’t he even go away for a long weekend with me?” she gasped fresh tears falling down her face.

“Things can take some time to work out after a serious illness.” Leah murmured.

“We’re talking about Roman.” El muttered.

“Men are affected differently.”

El looked at Rachel.

“We got pregnant with Sammy the first night he came out of hospital after being shot. And when everyone was telling me it would take months before I even looked at him as a man after my attack it was only days when we were together again and maybe we didn’t make love but we did want each other. It’s pulled us back together time after time when we’ve been so apart.” She looked at Rachel. “So tell me why he can’t even look at me anymore. I did the understanding bit and then the flirting and the other stuff but now he even sleeps in pyjamas.” She sobbed. “Tops and bottoms.”

“Ah Doll.” Irene murmured sympathetically.

El sobbed harder.

“I think I’ll go get you a drink.” Leah murmured going into the house. She reached into the liquor cabinet and poured out a strong vodka and coke and brought it out to her.

El took a sip and gasped before smiling briefly and downing the whole thing. She held the glass out and Leah looked at Rachel, who nodded, before fetching another one. She handed El the glass and this time she sipped it slowly.

“What reasons does he give for not going away?” Leah asked her.

“The kids, school stuff, the pets, the diner, work stuff you name it he’s come up with it.” she murmured in a calmer tone.

“El we are sorry.” Irene said.

“Well.” Leah said. “We’re going away. “ she looked at Irene and Rachel and saw them nod.

“This weekend. I know you are off Rachel. The men can stay behind and look after the kids. Miles will be happy to have VJ.”

El shook her head.

“Yes.” Rachel murmured. “We need to lower your stress levels, this isn’t good for you.”

She took a long drink.

“Ok.” she said meekly.

The three women shared a concerned look.

“Ok hun, we’ll book something nice ok.” Leah said stroking her arm.

She nodded.

“I can’t go get the kids.” She murmured looking at the glass.

“I guess that is my cue.” Irene said. “I won’t be long Darl.” She told her pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thanks. “ El said to her.

“Where is your laptop?” Rachel asked.

El stood up and led then through to the study. She opened up the laptop and switched it on. Standing to one side while Rachel surfed. She found a hotel and made a phone call to do the booking. She got four adjoining bedrooms with a connecting lounge for that weekend and smiled over at Ella. She hung up the phone.

“They have a salsa dance club.” Rachel grinned. “So I expect you to teach us a few moves.” She hugged El. “Now I have to go. We’ll talk about who is driving tomorrow.”

El shook her head.

“If we are going to do this right then we are getting a limo.” She grinned. “I’ll organise it.”

Leach reached over and hugged her.

“Ok. I’ve got to get to the diner. I’ll tell Roman he’s working this weekend.” She said with relish.

The two woman left and El booked a Limo to pick them up Friday afternoon and returning them on Sunday before going to the kitchen to make a start on clearing up and dinner for the kids.

Rachel walked into the diner with Leah and they ordered a coffee from Colleen before going and sitting at a table. Roman brought the drinks over.

“I expected to see El with you.” He murmured.

They looked at each other without commenting.

“Ok.” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. “ Leah said to him.

“We’re going away for a weekend. El needs a break.” Rachel said to him taking a drink from her cup.

“Is she ok?” he asked quickly.

“I can’t tell you that.” Rachel murmured.

“What do you mean?” he asked paling.

“Anything El and I discuss is doctor patient privilege.” She told him.

“So she’s not ok.” he surmised.

Leah looked at him.

“Like you care.” She muttered.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked her.

“She’s been asking you to go away with her for ages and you haven’t bothered.” Rachel pointed out. “Well we care for her so we are taking her for a long weekend.”

“Are you trying to tell me I don’t care for my wife?” he asked in a deadly tone of voice.

Rachel looked him in the eye.

“I’m surprised she is still your wife. Any idiot can see that stress is not good for her. She’s over emotional and struggling. You have four kids and now Danni, not to mention the emotional trauma of the past few years. She asked you to go away with her and you wouldn’t. So tell me what is your problem?” Rachel looked at him.

“It’s none of your business.” He snapped and walked away.

“Well he’s not handling the situation very well is he?” Leah murmured. “And if I didn’t know any better I would imagine that you just wound him up even more.”

Rachel grinned.

“I’m sure El will get some confirmation that he still loves her tonight.” She said softly.

Leah smiled slowly.

Roman walked into the house and slammed the door shut behind him without meaning too.

“What’s wrong?” El asked him coming out of the kitchen.

He looked at her.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he asked.

She looked at him puzzled.

“I don’t know. You’re the one slamming doors.” She murmured.

He turned to the kids and walked over to El taking hold of her arm and leading her up the stairs to their bedroom.

“Is there some reason for this?” she asked pulling her arm free.

“I have no idea. Leah and Rachel came into the diner this afternoon telling me off for not taking you away. So what exactly have you been saying.”

She glared at him.

“Nothing about your little secret so don’t worry about it.” she muttered and pulled away from him. She made for the door but he blocked her path.

“What?” she asked him. “I haven’t told them anything except about wanting to get away.” She lied sensing this was not a good time to confess.

He moved over to her and pulled her into his arms and kissed her. He pushed her backward towards the bed pushing her dress up.

“Roman stop.” She muttered trying to move her head away.

He ignored her and jammed his knee between hers as he lay them on the bed. He forced her legs apart and undid the zipper on his jeans before he stopped and sighed. He looked at her and rolled over. After a minute he stood up and walked into the en suite she made to follow him but he closed the door in her face.

She turned and walked over to her dressing table and picked up a big bottle of her favourite perfume and threw it as had as she could at the closed door. It shattered in a shower of glass and perfume.

“Go to Hell Roman Harris. I wish I’d never met you.” She screamed at the top of her voice before slamming out of their bedroom.

Roman leaned against the bathroom door listening to her words before he sank to the floor and leant back against it resting his head on his folded arms on top of his bent knees lookign totally defeated.

“Mummy.” Sophie said to her when she walked back into the kitchen.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Are you ok? You and Daddy are fighting a lot.”

“Yeah its loud.” Sammy said a frown on his face.

“Well you know how you really love Megan but sometimes you just have to shout at her because she’s been a real pain. It’s like that with Mummy and Daddy.” She explained to Sammy.

She crouched down and held out her arms to him and he ran to her for a cuddle.

“You aren’t leaving again are you?” he asked.

“Yes.” El said. “This weekend.” She looked at him “but I will be back on Monday.”

“No I meant like when we had to stay with you at the studio.” He said.

She looked at him.

“I hadn’t planned too but if you want we can go stay there again.” She murmured.

“No you don’t understand Mummy.” He said angrily.

She nodded.

“Yes I do. You don’t want me to leave like before, but you do love Mummy don’t you?” she asked him.

He nodded.

“And you got mad at Mummy just now?”

He looked at her his head to one side before nodding.

“But you still love Mummy even though you were mad at her?”

He grinned.

“I get it.” he said.

“Just like Mummy and Daddy.” She explained. “We don’t say the right things and we get mad at each other too.”

“Yeah but when you get mad you leave.” He pouted.

“Yes.” She agreed. “But we always come back don’t we?”

He nodded slowly.

She moved over to the sofa and sat down with him pulling him onto her lap and holding him for a bit. After a while the others joined her.

“Mummy.” Megan said to her.

“What baby.”

“Are you really going away this weekend?”

She nodded.

“Yes, me and Rachel and Leah and Irene are all going for a grille weekend.” She murmured. “We’re going to have a big Limousine pick us up and go to a hotel and then go dancing.”

“Why?” Megan asked her.

“Well because Mummy needs a holiday and they need a holiday and this way you can spend some time with Daddy and when I come back I’ll be happier.” She sighed “And then how about next weekend we do something special. We could go swimming and have a pool party just us.” She suggested.

“We could have Angel here too and Robbie.” Sophie suggested.

“And Tyler.” Megan added. “And maybe Amy-Belle.”

“I like that.” Georgie said. “Could we put the tent in the garden and sleep outside?”

“Maybe. We’ll have to see what the weather is like.” She temporised.

She pressed a kiss to each of them before going and sorting out the dinner. She found Danni in the kitchen.

“Are you alright?” Danni asked her.

She nodded.

“Just another fight.” She answered with a shrug.

She took the casserole out of the oven and placed it on the top.

“Can I have the table set please?” she called out.

“I’ll do it.” Danni murmured.

El nodded.

She took the plates out of the cupboard and collected the cutlery moving into the lounge to set the table. She looked at El and set a place for Roman.

“Who wants juice?” Danni asked the others.

They nodded as they moved over to the table and sat down.

“Are you forgetting hands?” El called out to them and saw them scramble up the stairs to wash their hands.

They came down a moment later and sat back round the table. El served up the dinner.

“Start eating I’m going to see if Daddy wants any food.” She told them.

She moved quietly up the stairs and found him sitting on the bed.

“Dinner.” She said.

He looked at her.

“We should talk.” He said finally.

She shook her head.

“It’s too late for that. You’ve had your chance. I gave you loads of chances to talk to me. Now your children are waiting to have dinner with you so pull yourself together and get downstairs.” She hissed at him.

He looked at her.

“And my wife?” he asked.

“She hates you and wishes you were dead. I’m filing for divorce I can’t do this anymore. You haven’t been my husband for a long time.” she sneered at him.

“I’m…”he began.

“Sorry?” she asked. “Too little too late.”

She turned and moved away and went downstairs.

He sighed and after a time followed her.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 42

“Are you ok?” Rachel asked El again.

She nodded looking out of the hotel window and seeing the clear blue sky and the mile long white sandy beach and deep blue-green ocean.

“Fine.” She said.

“Only we’ve only been getting one word answers out of you for the last three hours.” Leah pointed out.

She looked at them.

“Ok, I’m not fine. I’ve reached the end and I can’t take anymore. I’ve told him I’m filing for a divorce.” She told them.

“Strewth Darl.” Irene said. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Anybody can see that is not what she wants.” Leah said coming over to her and putting her arm around her shoulders.

“I need to shock him out of this stupor he’s in.” she shrugged. “He said he was wanting to talk but we’ve been there before and he’s put it off or just glossed over the problem.”

Rachel nodded understanding.

“Well let’s put him out of your head for a few hours. We are going to Salsa.” Leah said.

She moved over to the bar and poured out drinks for everyone.

“Yeah, lets get ready and party.” Irene said toasting them with her soft drink.

El moved into the bedroom and showered before she got changed into a short black skirt and red gypsy top. She clipped a red flower into her hair over her left ear. She added full make up. She put on flat red pumps and moved back into the lounge.

“Wow.” Leah murmured.

She had changed into a simple black dress and high heels.

Irene came out in black trousers and a lemon blouse. Her short bob tucked behind her ears.

“Paging Dr Holden!” Leah called out.

“I knew it was a bad idea for us to open the champagne in the limo.” Irene said.

“We are going to have fun if it kills us.” Leah said.

“I hope not. Have you any idea of the paperwork that would involve?” Rachel murmured coming out of her room.

“Well don’t you scrub up fine!” Irene said to her.

Rachel gave a slow twirl.

“Now according to the website you go down to reception and they provide transport to the club.” Rachel told them.

“Shall we go?” El asked.

Irene nodded and they moved out of the room and went to the elevator. El pulled out her phone and looked at the display.

“Is it him?” Leah asked.

She nodded.

Leah held out her hand and answered the call.

“Hey Roman.”

“Leah?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah, El isn’t here right now.”

“Where is she?” he asked quickly.

“I’m not sure I actually haven’t seen her since she went off with Jack.” She murmured and saw El cringe. “That was about an hour ago. Hey, you seen El?” she asked.

“No.” Rachel muttered.

“Not for a while Darl.” Irene added.

“Can you ask her to call me please?” he asked softly sounding unhappy.

“Sure if we see her. Anyway we have to go now. Bye Roman.” Leah said and clicked the phone shut. She handed it to El.

“Jack. Can you remember that?” she asked. “Because he’ll ask you.”

El shook her head.

“I wanted a reaction I didn’t want to wind him up.”

“It will work. A bit of jealousy.” Irene told her.

“And maybe he’ll just shrug his shoulders and say oh well let her go.” El said uncertainly.

“Is this the same El?” Rachel asked her. “The same one who stopped her husband bleeding from a gunshot and nearly died because of it? The same El who single-handed rescued her son from a kidnapper. “

“Not any more.” She said sadly.

Rachel came over and put her hands on her shoulders and shook her.

“Get with it.” she instructed.

El laughed.

“Fine, so we are making him crazy.” She murmured.

“Yeah.”

“Ab-so-flippin-loutly Darl.” Irene joined in.

“And we are going to send you home looking tanned and happy and hot!”

“And he is going to ravish you because if he doesn’t he is going to lose you. And the idiot is stark staring crazy in love with you!” Leah murmured.

El tried to smile but her mouth didn’t want to co-operate.

They moved to the salsa club and El went straight to the dance floor.

The Limo brought her home Monday afternoon. She walked thought the front door. Roman was waiting in the lounge.

“Hello.” He said to her.

She looked at him and moved to the stairs.

“Ella?” he asked.

“I have nothing to say to you do I?” she murmured.

“I don’t know. I tried to call you this weekend and you seemed to be busy.” He said quietly.

“Yes I was.” She admitted without giving further detail.

“Are you still..” he began.

She looked at him then

“We’re over Roman. Unless you can give me something?”

He looked at her.

“I love you El.” He said.

“Words.” She dismissed and took her bag upstairs.

He followed her after a moment and watched as she unpacked her bag. He saw a hot pink bikini and knew that it was a new addition to her wardrobe. She then pulled out some sexy black lace underwear.

“Well.” He said after a moment.

She looked at him.

“What do you want?” she asked point blank.

“Maybe I want you?” he said looking into her eyes.

“Hardly.” She shrugged dismissing him. She turned her back to him and walked into the en suite putting her laundry in the hamper before getting out clean underwear and placing it on the bed. She deliberately chose the matching lilac set that he liked before walking to the wardrobe and taking out a short sexy sundress to go with it. She started taking off her clothes.

“Do you mind?” she asked turning her back to him.

“Yes I do.” He told her moving towards her.

She stood looking at him.

He walked over to her slowly and took her into his arms and kissed her. Pressing his lips to hers. She remained passive in his embrace. He ran his hands down her arms and then put them on her waist. From there he ran them up to her breasts. He cupped them in his hands rubbing his fingers over the lace-covered nipples. He moves his hands round the back and released the catch sliding the straps down her arms. He tugged her bra off before playing with her nipples again. He touched and teased and playing with them just like he always had but it was like discovering them anew. He tortured himself with the thought that she had been with someone else this weekend and then thought of just her. Her touch her taste her smell. He moved them to the bed and pulled his clothes off hurriedly before moving his hands to the slip of lace that passed for her panties. He pulled them sliding them down her legs kissing the inside of her ankles and then stroking the back of her knees and her thighs parting her legs to move between them. He eased into her with a sigh.

It had been so long since they had been together. So long since he had felt this. He looked into her eyes and saw the passion she was holding back reflected in them. He thrust deep into her and felt her hands on him at last holding him. She ran her hands down his back cupping his buttocks pulling him into her deeper as she lifted her hips for his possession. They kissed. Their lips fusing.

“God I’ve missed you.” He groaned against her lips.

He thrust into her again and again feeling his climax building. He looked into her eyes kissing her.

“I’m so close.” He murmured. “I need you to come.” He groaned his pleasure against her lips.

She lifted her hips and rubbed herself erotically against him. He ran his hands down her body before cupping her breasts once more. She moaned at last, the sound making him shudder in response.

“Yes.” He whispered against her lips.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs tangled with his. He felt her climax beginning and finally eased into his until they both reached the final release together.

He collapsed on top of her and held her close their breathing easing slowly.

“I need a shower she told him calmly.

“El?” he questioned easing away from her.

“All you’ve proved is that you can have sex again.” She told him in another calm tone of voice when all she wanted to do was put her arms around him and kiss him.

“Sex?” he questioned.

“No emotional commitment makes it sex.” She said and bit the inside of her cheek to stop retracting the words when she saw the expression on his face.

“I feel an emotional commitment to you.” He denied in a hurt tone of voice.

“Maybe I would believe you if you hadn’t put me through hell for the last 20 months.”

She said to him again using the calm tone of voice.

He rolled over on to his side and stroked her hair back before kissing her again.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” she asked turned away from his kisses.

“Because I hurt you.” He said.

She moved away from him and walked naked into the en suite.

He moved off the bed and went to the door of the en suite. He watched her climb into the bath and pouring a measure of exotic smelling bath foam into the water. She swirled it round in the water letting the bubbles rise in the water.

He knelt down beside the bath his back to it.

“I couldn’t protect you.” He said finally.

“And.” She said her voice cold.

“Just that.” He muttered his voice sounding odd as the pent up emotion finally started coming through. She wanted to touch to hold him to take away the hurt for him but she couldn’t not until he started talking.

“What were you supposed to protect me from?” she asked after silence swirled between them again.

“Everything.” He said his tone now angry. “From being hurt.”

He moved restlessly and turned to face her.

“From your Mother. From Gardy. From our son being kidnapped. From losing our baby. And when you were hurting so much, I let Danni into our lives and I didn’t listen to you and I hurt you even more.”

“And Cancer?” she asked.

“Yes dammit,. I should have protected you from that.” He groaned as tears fell from his eyes.

She stood and stepped out of the bath and knelt beside him.

“From cancer? How were you supposed to protect me from that?” she said softly.

He looked at her, the tears falling unheeded down his face.

“I failed you.” He said.

“Never.” She said.

She took hold of his hand and stood leading him back to the bedroom. The sheen of shimmering water adding highlight to her body.

He moved with her and she turned putting her arms around him. He kissed her before lifting her and feeling her legs wrap around him. He sank into her once more with a turgid sigh.

They fell onto the bed and made slow sensual love.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 43

She dressed slowly and moved downstairs. He was standing in the kitchen his head lowered and she looked at him for a long moment before moving towards him. He looked up when he heard her and smiled.

“We still need to talk.” She told him.

He nodded.

“I felt so helpless.” He admitted finally, the words torn out of him. “When you were pregnant with Meggy and we didn’t know that she could be mine you were still so loving and brave and just so patient with me. And I felt rotten because I knew I was tearing you apart.”

She took hold of his hand and led him to a seat outside. Not speaking letting him find the words he needed.

“And then came the memory of making love to you the day you disappeared and that the baby could be mine.” He looked at her. “I had fake DNA papers prepared El.” He said finally. “Just in case. Because I knew you would love that baby and giving her up would be the worst and hardest thing imaginable. So yes, when Danni came I accepted her because you were so lost when we lost our Francesca. And I pushed. I wanted to replace her, not that replace is the right word because we lost a baby and nothing could replace that but because you love so unconditionally and I wanted to do anything to make you happy. And then when you were diagnosed and so ill.” He stopped and looked at her. “I couldn’t do anything.” He eventually admitted.

“Felt impotent?” she asked using the one word they had skirted around for months.

He nodded.

“Until I just couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t make love, couldn’t talk.”

She nodded.

“And now?” she asked.

“Now?” he looked at her. “Now you’ve told me that you are leaving me and I’m losing you anyway. And it’s worse because I’m the reason it’s over.”

He lowered his head.

Suddenly he looked at her.

“And if you did something this weekend.” He began. “I know it will hurt you but I understand why.” He finished cryptically.

She nodded.

“And what will you do to have me stay?” she said softly.

“Anything.” He replied immediately.

She nodded again.

“I’ll have to think up a list.” She said to him after a pause.

He turned and looked at her.

“El please don’t joke with me.” He murmured.

She smiled at him.

“You’ve been tearing me to pieces because you won’t talk to me. So I lost my temper and decided if nothing else it should give you a wake up call.”

“Are you saying that you won’t be filing for divorce?” he asked her.

She put her arms around him and kissed him softly.

“No. Not again. Not ever.” She murmured.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

“And this weekend?” he said softly. “I won’t blame you.” He added.

“Oh yeah , Jake he was wonderful.” She said with a sigh.

“And what about Jack?” he murmured.

“Yeah him too.” She grinned.

“When you have fictional men you should at least remember their names.” He muttered.

“So fake DNA results?” she said.

“We should go get the kids.” He said changing the subject quickly.

“Nic is picking up the kids.” She told him folding her arms across herself and looking at him.

“Oh ok. Well I should go cook something.” He said and stood up.

He looked at her face and sat down again.

“Yes.” He said. “Fake DNA results just in case because I was going to love her anyway and I knew you already did.”

She crossed her legs and looked at him.

“Fine.” He muttered, “It was a stupid, bad idea as soon as I had it. I just thought that if the worst happened, not that it would be so bad because she would still be part of you. But anyway if it happened then you would force yourself not to love her or maybe even give her up and in either case you would still be hurting over what he did.”

She looked at him.

“And anyway its not like I’m the only one in the family that faked DNA results.” He pointed out. “And you forgave Danni.”

She nodded.

“Yeah but she was young and stupid and you are just stupid.” She said standing up and moving into the kitchen.

He followed her.

“I did it to protect you.” He said.

She nodded once more.

“You should pretty much stop talking right now.” She told him. “I’m near knives.”

“So first you want me to talk and now you don’t.” he grumbled. “Huh!”

She smiled and looked over at him.

“You can’t protect me from life.” She pointed out.

“I know. My rational brain knows that. It knows that I can’t protect you from cancer from being hurt from losing our baby. But my heart does tend to go nuts when you are involved.”

She looked at him from under her lashes and smiled slowly.

“I hope that’s not the only part of you to respond to me.”

He grinned.

“I’m pretty sure that we’ve over come that issue now.” He pulled her towards him and kissed her slowly.

“Yup.” He agreed with himself, pressing his body tight against her.

She blushed as she felt him react.

“Then you better get to the pharmacy and go buy something.” She told him.

He looked at her.

“We didn’t use anything…..” he began.

“I’m pretty sure it’s safe.” She said interrupting him.

He pulled her into his arms again and held her.

“Thank you.” He said softly with renewed love for her.

“Well I didn’t want to scare it off.” She pointed out laughing.

He groaned.

“When you were so passive the first time I thought this is it. This is the last time you are going to make love to your wife.” He said his tone still reflecting how much that hurt him.

She smiled.

“I had to be to freeze you out. How much do you think it’s hurt me…” she began and stopped as the front door opened.

She pulled away from him and started to move towards the children.

“Hey!” she called out.

“Mummy.” Sammy was first and ran to her.

“Hey Nic.” She added.

Roman walked up behind her.

“I’m going to go to the shop.” He said with added meaning.

She nodded.

“See you later kids.” He called to them all.

They moved through to the lounge and sat at the table pulling out their schoolbooks to do their homework. Angel and Robbie joining them at the table She went though to the kitchen and started making drinks and getting out a plate for cookies for them. She offered a cookie to Nic first and she shook her head.

“Coffee?” she asked her.

Nic nodded.

“What’s wrong?” she asked her after a moment.

“Did you enjoy your weekend?” Nic asked ignoring the question.

El nodded.

“We went to a salsa club every night. I haven’t danced so much in ages.” She murmured and moved outside with her coffee. Nic followed and sat next to her.

“Are you and Dad ok?” she asked finally.

“Who’s been talking?” she murmured.

“Robbie caught Meggy crying at lunchtime.” She told her.

“To be honest no we haven’t been ok. Not for a long time. But I think things are going to get better.”

“El, if things are bad you aren’t going to disappear on us again are you?” she murmured.

“What’s up Nic?” El asked her.

“I think Geoff and I screwed up.” She said finally.

“In what way?” she asked her.

“We’re struggling a bit with the mortgage payments and arguing a bit.” She said finally. “We thought it was ok but he’s not written anything and I only work part time.”

El nodded.

“Well there are two ways we can solve this. I can pay your mortgage, which I know you won’t accept or I can help with the kids so you can go back full time.”

Nic nodded.

“I don’t think either of those will work.” She finally confessed.

“Nic?” El asked gently.

“We didn’t just screw up in that way.” She said and her eyes suddenly seemed bigger and bluer than ever before.

“What are you going to do?” El asked her understanding what she meant immediately.

“Geoff and I have decided that we should have an abortion.” She stopped. “We don’t have the room. Or even the money. And the timing stinks. “ She explained.

El nodded.

She told hold of Nic’s hand.

“Ok.” she said without judgement.

“I know Geoff doesn’t agree with it but even he says that we just can’t see a way round. And he’s made it clear that this is a joint decision because.” She stopped as Meggy came out and looked at El.

“Hey sweetie.” El called to her and held out her arms.

Meggy stood a way off and didn’t come for the hug.

“Mummy.” Meggy said. “I’ve finished my homework can I go play?” she asked.

El nodded.

“Thanks.” She said and moved back into the house.

“Oh dear.” El said. “Anyway you were saying?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nic murmured.

“Yes, it does sweetie.” El told her and put her arm around her shoulders pulling the other woman close to her.

Nic started crying then, releasing the tears she had been holding back for days.

“It’s going to be ok Nic.” She said to her stroking her hair and holding her.

“How?” she asked. “Because this feels like the end of the world.” She groaned.

“When do you have to decide by?” she asked her.

Nic looked at her.

“We have a few weeks yet.” She confessed.

“Let me speak to your dad.” She told her. “I have an idea.”

Nic pulled back and looked at her, wiping her eyes.

“now my sweet stepdaughter go and wipe your eyes because you don’t want the kids to know you’ve been upset.!” She said softly.

She pressed a kiss to her head and moved away give Nic a few moments to gather her thoughts. Plus she had to go find what Meggy was up to. She walked up the stairs slowly and found Meggy in her room, that she shared with Sophie.

“Hey kiddo. Do you want to talk?” she asked her fiery daughter.

“No.” she was told.

“Ok.” El said and sat on Sophie’s bed.

“Go away.” Meggy told her.

“Well I could do that I suppose or I could worm out of you why you were upset at school and make it better.”

“No you can’t make it better because we know you are going to leave again.” She shouted at her angrily.

“I am?” El asked calmly. “Are you kicking me out?”

Meggy stopped and looked at her.

“No. It’s what always happens when you and Daddy fight.” She added in a calmer tone of voice.

“Sorry Meggy but not this time.” She said softly.

“You aren’t leaving?” she asked her.

El knelt down beside her.

“I love you my Meggy and I’m not leaving ok. That’s not to say your Daddy and me don’t have things we need to talk about.” El looked at her daughter and smiled.

“Really not leaving?” she asked again her blue eyes looking huge in her face.

El shook her head.

“But you’ve been crying and everything.”

“I know but I love you all and I would cry a lot more if I wasn’t here.” She murmured. “Cross my heart.”

She opened her arms.

“Can I get that hug please?” she asked and was almost knocked over by Meggy rushing to hug her.

“Ok sweets I’m going to go start dinner.” She pressed a kiss to her daughter and stood before she moved down the stairs.

Nic had washed her face and was gathering her children to take them home.

“I’ll call you tomorrow Nic.” El promised her.

Nic nodded.

“Thanks El.” She whispered and smiled at Angel and Robbie as she took them out to the car.

El watched them leave and turned back to walk to the kitchen. She made a start on preparing dinner when Danni came in.

“Hey.” She called out.

“Hi.” Danni said and went into the lounge with the others. She grabbed a cookie off the plate and went into the kitchen.

“Is Roman with you?” El asked her.

“He’s getting shopping out of the car. Do you want any help?” Danni murmured her mouth still full of cookie.

“Homework?” El asked.

“Too much to get done before dinner is ready so I’ll disappear to my room after. “ she said with a grin. “Hey did you ever read Romeo and Juliet?”

El nodded.

“Miles is doing the play. Do you think …” she began.

”You want to try out for it?” El asked after a moment of silence.

Danni nodded.

“Then go for it.” she grinned at her.

“But what if…” she murmured trailing off when Roman came in.

“Hey.” He said and walked over to her.

She smiled at him.

“Danni and I are going to go have a chat in her room and you are doing dinner.” She told him.

Danni giggled snatching up her school bag and moving up the stairs behind El leaving Roman in the kitchen with half the dinner prepared. Danni sat on the bed and El on her desk chair.

“What if I don’t get the part?” she asked.

“You might get the part of the Nurse or Juliet’s mother.” El pointed out.

“Yeah.” Danni said slowly.

“Would that be so bad?” El murmured.

Danni looked at her.

“Well Brett is going for the part of Romeo.” She said slowly.

“And do you like your…” she paused working it out. “Foster nephew?”

“Can you just point out that there is no blood relation between us please.” Danni muttered with a blush.

“Ok you are not actually related to Brett Jefferies.” El grinned and watched the slow blush on Danni’s face.

El chuckled.

“Whatever part you get you can ask him to help you with lines?” she pointed out.

Danni nodded.

“I suppose so!” she said softly.

“Danni just go for it. You’ll get acting experience and enjoy it.” El advised.

“Thanks Mum.” Danni murmured.

El grinned.

She got up out of the chair and went out of the room leaving Danni with her thoughts. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Roman looked at her and held out his hand. She went over to him and he put his arms around her and kissed her.

“We need to talk.” She told him.

He looked at her before kissing her again.

“Ok.” he said a cautious expression on his face.

She pressed a kiss to him and moved to the fridge.

“Beer or wine?” she asked him.

“Beer.” He said continuing to prepare the dinner.

She pulled out a couple of bottles and opened them, giving him his before going to the lounge.

“Homework done?” she asked them.

Sammy looked at her.

“I had extra tonight.” He said to her.

She moved over to take a look at his schoolbooks.”

“Hey!” she said. “This is good.”

He beamed.

“It doesn’t have to be finished tonight so if you want to go play.”

He nodded and jumped down.

She looked at Sophie and Georgie.

“Hey.” She said to them.

“We have science.” They chorused.

She moved over and looked at their schoolbooks. El picked up a pencil and underlined a part in the textbook.

“Read this bit again it should help.” she murmured.

Sophie read it and nodded.

“When do you have to give the assignment in?” She asked them.

“Thursday.” Georgie told her.

“Well I think you’ve done enough right now.” El said. “You’ve done a lot tonight why don’t you take a break.” She murmured.

They nodded and gathered up their schoolbooks and went upstairs.

She cleared the table and went into the kitchen.

“Everything ok?” he asked when he saw her reach for another beer.

She nodded.

“Danni has a crush on someone. Meggy had a strop. Nic is in trouble. “She told him.

“Nic?” he murmured. “She’s not been herself for a while.” He said.

“Oh so you noticed that.” El said grumpily.

He leaned over and kissed her.

“I notice a lot of things. You’re growing your hair again. I bet it is Brett. Meggy is convinced you are leaving despite my telling her you aren’t. Sammy has a high IQ and his teacher has noticed and is starting to give him extra work and you are wearing that strawberry body moisturiser I like.” He said softly.

She grinned at him.

“Maybe you will get lucky tonight.” She murmured.

“Maybe?” he asked. “I have 20 months to catch up on.”

She shook her head at him.

Roman smiled and pulled her to him for another kiss.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 44

She lay in bed reading when he joined her.

“Hey.” He said softly walking into the en suite. He came out a few minutes later after having a very quick shower. He walked over to the bed and took off his robe climbing into bed nude.

”Uh huh.” She murmured.

He grinned, moving to the centre of the bed and pulling her towards him.

“I’m reading.” El pointed out to him.

“I know. I’m just snuggling.” He whispered and kissed the back of her neck. “Anyway we still need to talk.”

She nodded and put her book on the bedside cabinet.

“Do you want to talk about or Nic?” she asked him.

“Nic first.” He said.

“They are struggling with the mortgage. And she’s pregnant.”

“Ok. I still have the money put aside they can have some of that to tide them over.” Roman murmured and kissed her shoulder.

“I don’t think it’s that simple. The house will be too small for them and another baby.”

He chuckled.

“What were you thinking?” he asked her softly.

“Well we have more land than we need. And you are getting good at building things.”

He chuckled.

“You want me to build them a house?”

She shrugged.

“The other option is that they sell the house and move in here. They can save on rent for a while and with no mortgage to worry about they will be able to save up for the new house. I can help with the kids and Nic can go back full time.”

“Full time and pregnant?” he murmured.

She rolled over and looked at him.

“They are thinking that maybe having a baby at this time is a wrong thing to do.”

He paled.

“So she came and told you?” he said his tone angry.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

He swore and climbed out of bed.

“My daughter came and told you she is considering an abortion after what we went through with Francesca?” he said angrily.

“Roman stop.” She said softly and sat up. “Don’t do what ever it is you are planning.”

He shook his head.

“I’m going to get a drink.” He said.

“And brood?”

He felt a smile creep on to his face,

“Maybe.” He said folding his arms.

“Don’t you think that her telling me is her way of saying she didn’t want to go through with it? She wouldn’t hurt me deliberately.”

He sank down beside her.

“I suppose you are right.” He said finally.

She chuckled.

“So?” she asked.

“Anyone is fine by me. But if she is here are you going to be ok if she.” He stopped. “Well either option.”

El smiled and held out her hand to him.

“I’m going to be fine. And it will be sad either one, but I have you don’t I?”

He smiled slowly and took his robe off and climbed back into bed with her.

“You will always have me.” He promised and kissed her.

She put her arms around his neck holding him close.

They kissed slowly their lips playing with each other. She eased back and looked at him.

“I love you.” She said softly.

“God I don’t deserve you El.” He whispered. “I love you so much.”

“Make love to me.” She told him kissing his neck.

He wrapped his strong arms around her and kissed her over and over again. Along her beautiful arched neck, along her delicate collarbones. Down to her beautiful breasts. Sucking and kissing her nipples into hard nubs hearing her moan her pleasure.

He eased back and looked at her.

“You are beautiful.” He told her softly.

She giggled and kissed him.

“Are you going to talk all night or are you going to make love?” she asked him with a grin.

“Do you want me inside you already?” he grinned at her.

She blushed and nodded.

He reached down and stroked her thighs parting her legs allowing him to caress her intimately. She moved against his hand pressing herself to him. He smiled down at her before he kissed her some more.

“I need you.” She moaned. “Now.”

He chuckled and moved between her parted legs.

“Wait.” He said remembering and reached to the bedside cabinet.

“No please.” She murmured.

“El?” he asked.

“Its safe.” She smiled. “Now please.”

“You know I’m not going to resist.” He murmured against her ear before delicately biting her ear lobe.

She moaned louder.

He captured her face between his hands and kissed her again before looking into her eyes and easing himself slowly inside her. He felt her legs wrap around him and she lifted her hips. He felt her climax immediately and he groaned his own pleasure against her lips.

“I love you.” She gasped.

He looked into her beautiful eyes before he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and then whispered in her ear.

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

She kissed him as he thrust slow and gentle inside her. The pleasure built again and again making them moan and gasp. He looked at her again.

“I can’t wait any longer.” He whispered to her. “I need you.”

She kissed him, her arms and legs wrapped around him. She moved her hips frantically. Her climax started and she gasped again.

“I love you.” She moaned against his lips.

He kissed her deeply his tongue invading her mouth before he reached his climax deep inside her. He collapsed on top of her and groaned.

“That was amazing.” He moaned kissed her again.

“As amazing as this?” she grinned and began to caress him.

“Are you planning on wearing me out tonight?” he said pressing kissed to her lips.

She smiled, his wonderful smile, the one that was just for him. It was back and he felt his heart flip over.

“Maybe. It’s been a long time.”

He pulled back slightly and looked at her.

“Since this afternoon?” he asked.

She grinned.

“Maybe I can’t remember that far back?” she said and he chuckled.

He wrapped his arms around her and rolled them over. She eased up and sat astride him. They made love again before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Her head resting next to his heart. They hadn’t talked but they had told each other they loved each other and that was wonderful.

He took the children to school before he headed to work. They had seen them kissing in the kitchen and had got themselves overexcited. He’d grinned at El as she blushed.

“Mummy and Daddy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” he murmured the rhyme the children had sung on the way to school. Pulling up outside the Diner he climbed out of his car and went into the place. Leah was already there.

“You are looking happier.” She said as soon as she saw him.

He nodded.

“My wife told me she is running off with Jake and well it seems easier that way.” He told her.

“Don’t you mean Jack?” Leah asked him with a grin.

“Did I mention she is a bad liar?” he chuckled. “In fact you both are.”

“Ha! Roman Harris.” She muttered. “Please tell me that you’ve sorted things out.”

He nodded.

“Thank you for looking out for my wife.” He told her and pressed a kiss to her head.

“Roman Harris.” El muttered from behind him.

He turned and looked at her.

“Just saying my thanks.” He said.

“Better be.” She said to him. She walked over and kissed him. “Nic and Geoff are coming round tonight. I’m off to do some shopping.”

“I left my phone behind didn’t I?” he said as he realised why she would come and tell him in person, although if that got him an extra kiss he would do it everyday.

She handed him his phone.

“You might have a message already.” She told him.

He opened the phone and read the message.

‘I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx’

“Now that is a lot of kisses” he said.

“Come home early tonight and you can have even more.” She grinned.

“I love you.” He said to her.

She smiled.

“I’ll see you later.” She promised and he watched her walk out of the diner a silly smile on his face. She paused in the doorway and turned. Lifting up her hand she blew him a kiss before stepping out.

Roman worked until after the lunch rush and drove home. He pulled up outside the house and noticed that her car was not there. He chuckled and went inside. He went upstairs and took a long shower before dressing and moving downstairs. She still wasn't home so he sent her a text asking her what time she would be home. He waited impatiently for a reply checking the phone every few minutes. He moved out into the garden and pulled out the mower to cut the grass. Cookie was lazing in the sun and she looked over at him when he started the mower. He grinned at the cat.

Checking the phone again after he finished cutting the grass he moved into the house and poured out a drink of juice.

The knock at the door startled him and he went to answer it.

“Hello.” He said to Charlie.

She looked at him.

“Can we come in Roman?” she asked indicating her partner.

He nodded.

“What can I do for you?” he asked looking at them.

“Perhaps you should sit down.” Charlie suggested.

He felt his heart lurch.

“El?” he asked.

Charlie avoided looking at him for a second and that was how long it took for him to fall apart.

“We’re sorry Roman.” She said.

He shook his head.

She guided him to the sofa and he sank down his legs not supporting him.

“Her car was found off the cliff on the way into town.” She said to him.

“She’s not…” he began.

“A witness saw it go off the edge. By the time he got help it was burning. I’m sorry Roman.” She murmured.

“No you have to be joking. Some really sick joke.”

Charlie sat beside him and put her hand on his. She felt him tremble.

“Ella is gone Roman.” Charlie told him.

He stood and moved away from her. The detachment that had been his companion during the past few months came back.

“I have to let people know.” He said to her. “Nic and Aden.”

“Do you want us to do that?” Charlie asked him.

He found himself nodding and he moved robot like up the stairs to their room. He sat on the bed inhaling the last traces of her perfume. He reached out and found the silky wrap she wore and he gathered it in his hands and lay back on the bed clutching it to him as the first sob tore through him and through the momentary detachment.

Charlie waited outside and listened for a moment before turning and moving back down. She nodded to her partner and they moved out to make the next notifications.

Nic and Geoff let themselves in. Roman stood at the top of the stairs and looked at their faces. He closed his eyes for a moment before moving down the stairs and taking Nic into his arms.

“She loved you Nic.” He murmured to her. “She wanted you and Geoff to move in here for a period while you sorted yourselves out.” He said to them both.

Geoff nodded.

“We decided last night that we were going to keep the baby.” Geoff said. “And that everything else would get sorted.”

Roman nodded.

“Geoff can you get the kids for me when they finish school?” he asked him.

Geoff nodded.

Aden pushed open the door, Belle walking in behind him already crying.

“Charlie told us.” He said.

Roman looked at him and nodded.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. What arrangements I have to make. I suppose I’ll find the words somewhere to tell the children. I have to let George know and Mike.” He ran through the list of people.

“I’ve let Irene know.” Geoff murmured. “She said she’ll be over soon. She also said that George can’t be contacted at the moment.”

Roman nodded again.

“I should ring Nate and let him know.” Roman murmured and looked at them. “I don’t want this to be real.” He added after a moment.

Geoff and Aden looked at each other before Aden moved and put his arm round Roman and guided him to the sofa.

“Let us take care of letting people know ok. You just focus on yourself and the children.”

Nic led Belle outside and the two women sat on the veranda each of them crying.

Aden took Geoff into the study and opened the desk drawer to pull out Ella’s address book.

“She told me about it before when she was ill.” Aden pointed out.

“Me too.” Geoff said. “Just in case.”

Aden smiled.

“She took care of us.” He said and his use of the past tense struck him.

Geoff placed his hand on Aden’s shoulder.

“We’ll get through this together.” He told him.

Geoff reached for the phone and dialled Nate’s number. In a calm voice he explained what happened and answered the questions as best as he could. They promised to get there as soon as possible before hanging up the connection. He dialled the number they had for Mike and left the message that it was urgent and he should got in touch.

There were other people to tell as well, Harry, Joe, Jacko, and Yannis. The phone calls were made quickly. Then there was Ruby and Annie. After a time Geoff stood and moved out of the room into the kitchen. He opened up the cupboard and poured himself a whisky, mindful of the fact he was going to collect the children in a little while.

He went through to Roman still sitting where they had left him.

“We’ve let as many as possible know.” Geoff told him.

“Thank you.” Roman said in a calm voice not seeing the worried look they gave him.

The funeral was held days later. Everyone who loved her was at the service. Roman couldn’t say goodbye to her because it felt wrong. The police had told him that there hadn’t been a body to recover because of the fire that engulfed the car and in the dark of the night he would dream that she escaped somehow and would come back to him eventually. He didn’t confess this to anybody because they would say he was mad with grief, so he went about with everything as normal and waited. He would hear her sigh with each breeze that blew. He would see her down the streets he walked. He would roll over in bed and for a moment it felt as though she was there beside him. Everyone said that he had to give it time and with time would come acceptance but they were wrong, with time came remembrance of everything he’d lost, of all the time they had together and the bitter remembrance of all the time they’d lost.

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