Remembrance of Time

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 31

Roman waited for a couple of days until he managed to get Mike and George on their own. He drank from the beer he had in his hand and wondered how to phrase the question. Eventually he began.

“So which one of you wants to tell me about Danni?” he asked.

They looked guiltily at each other and Roman waited. When neither of them spoke he said.

“About the fact she looks the spitting image of my wife.”

Mike looked down at his shoes.

“Interesting that you should notice.” George began in his normal unflappable tone.

“Mum hasn’t noticed.” Mike said.

Roman shook his head.

“If your Mum noticed do you think you would be talking to me right now or in hospital recovering?” he asked them and saw them nod in acknowledgement. “So fill me in here or I’ll let El find out for herself.”

Mike paled.

“We think that Danni is Mum’s daughter.” He said.

Roman shook his head.

“And when was this event supposed to have happened?” he muttered. “Wait?” he paused working out things in his head. “No.” he growled the word. “She said she was 19.”

Mike nodded.

“Yes.” George added.

Roman shook his head.

“This is just some sick joke.” He muttered.

George stood and moved over to his side.

“She was born in St Stephen’s Hospice.” He began. “And adopted out. My wife, the first one not Irene, paid them a substantial sum of money in the 6 months before she killed herself.” He looked at Mike. “The name of the mother on Danni’s birth certificate is Elizabeth Clarkson.”

“Clarkson was my grandmother’s maiden name.” Mike told him.

“So how does this work.” Roman asked sinking into a seat.

“As you know El was ill after she came back form Afghanistan.”

“Yes. “Roman interrupted. ”After having a miscarriage.”

George shook his head.

“They didn’t do a scan. They presumed. Her HCG count was down. I checked her records.”

Roman lowered his head.

“As much as I want to believe this story do you have any idea what it will do to her?” he said softly.

Mike nodded.

“I know. I didn’t want to believe it but it’s true Roman.”

He looked at him.

“Since when have you stopped calling me dad?” he asked Mike.

“I needed you to focus for a minute.” He grinned.

“So she is El’s daughter.” Roman said.

“And yours.” George pointed out.

Roman shook his head.

“How?” he asked after a minute.

“I’d left her, so when El came back home my wife picked her up and arranged things. From the records at St Stephen’s she was too ill to do much of anything. Confined to bed rest for the last part of her pregnancy.”

“But why wouldn’t she remember?” he asked.

“Blocked it out because it was too much or even” George stopped.

“Even?” Roman asked feeling his heart drop to his feet.

“Drugged. My wife used to have her own pharmacy and it wouldn’t be the first time.”

Roman flinched.

He picked up his beer and drained the bottle just as Danni walked out to join them.

“Hey.” She said softly.

Roman looked at her seeing El in the face, the smile, the hand movements.

He shook his head and moved into the kitchen and poured out a large glass of whisky drinking it down in one.

“If you think this is going to be too hard for her I’ll leave.” Danni said from behind him.

Roman shook his head.

“No, you have a right to know her.” he muttered pouring out another glass for himself.

“We can do this some other time.” she suggested looking at him.

Roman shook his head.

“No. We do it today.” He said and drank the neat whisky down in one.

He turned and took out the vodka and poured out a tall glass of vodka and coke. Without much coke. He moved into the lounge and sat on the sofa reaching for the remote he clicked off the tv.

“Kids upstairs please.” He called.

Sophie and Georgie looked over at him and moved sulkily towards the stairs.

“What is going on?” El asked sleepily.

He moved the throw she had on her and she sat up and looked at him.

“El I have something you need to hear ok?” he began. “It seems that.”

“That something evil was done to you.” George interrupted coming and standing nearby.

El looked at him and shook her head.

“I don’t want to hear it.” she said.

Roman took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes flew to his and she moaned before looking at Danni.

“No.” she said.

She moved off the sofa and began walking away.

“El.” Roman said softly.

She turned and looked at him.

“You want me to believe that? “ she said to him. “To believe that she could do that to me?”

“Is it so hard Mum. She did worse to you.” Mike added to the conversation.

El looked at the faces in the room.

“No.” she said again, shaking her head.

“Mum.” Mike murmured.

“What?” she muttered.

“Look in the mirror.” He said. “Then deny this.”

He caught hold of Danni’s hand and then his mothers and moved them in front of the mirror. She looked slowly and her eyes met with Danni’s in the reflection. Her eyes not Roman’s she noted.

“Your hair.” Mike said to Danni and watched as she removed the clips that had kept it up. It fell to her shoulders the same colour and thickness of El’s own hair.

“This is why she’s had her hair up since she got here Mum.” Mike said.

El shook her head again.

“No I can’t believe it.” she looked to Roman.

He stood and walked behind them.

“El, its been like looking at you for the past three days.” He said softly.

She shook her head and moved restlessly.

He caught hold of her and pulled her into his arms.

“It is true El you know they wouldn’t do this to hurt you.” He said softly.

“And my mother would?” she muttered.

He looked at her and kissed her.

“Was that a rhetorical question?” he asked her.

She shook her head a half smile on her lips.

“We can do a DNA test?” Danni asked her.

El shook her head.

“No.” she said. “Because you are not my daughter.” She pulled away and went up the stairs.

Roman stood for a moment indecisive until he heard a thump coming from upstairs. He took the stairs two at a time and found El slumped on the floor of their bedroom. She was unconscious and breathing shallowly. He checked her pulse even as he tugged out his phone from his pocket and dialled for an ambulance. He spoke quickly and hung up before he picked her up and laid her on the bed. Turning he saw everyone gathered in the doorway looking concerned.

“It’s ok.” he said to them, “She’s ok.” he said reassuringly to his kids and found his gaze going to Danni. “It’s Mummy’s cold got a bit worse.” He explained and bent down to hug Sammy and Meggy.

“Now I want you to go into your room and take Danni with you please.” He murmured and watched them walk away.

“George I need the proof.” He said. “We do a DNA test too.” He sighed and then added. “And if she did do this then I hope she is rotting in hell.” He said about El’s mother.

Roman turned and sat with his ill wife waiting for the ambulance to come.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 32

Roman sat by El’s bed for three days and nights. He talked to her about everything and when he could no longer find any words he read to her. She lay in the bed pale and listless a machine helping her breathe a mask over her mouth and nose. A drip in her arm feeding her.

Aden stood in the doorway listening to the other man’s voice as he read out poetry. He was shocked because the words seemed incongruous with the man he knew as Roman Harris but also because there were whole sections he seemed to know by heart. Sometimes closing his eyes and leaning back in the stiff high back chair by her bed and carrying on with the poem.

“Roman.” He said finally.

The man looked up and blinked.

“Aden.” He murmured his voice husky.

Aden walked over to the bed and picked up the chart and read it.

“She’s doing better.” He commented.

“So why hasn’t she woken up?” Roman asked.

“Because her body needs some time to get better.” Aden said.

“Uh huh.” Roman muttered.

He leant over the bed and kissed her on her forehead.

“Back soon.” He said. “And if you want to know the end of that poem then wake up and read it yourself.”

He stood and stretched walking into the corridor and seeing Mike and George camped outside. Danni was leaning against the wall next to Nic.

“She’s the same. Why don’t you go home?” he suggested to them. “Danni are you able to stay in Summer Bay for a while?” he suddenly asked wondering if she worked or even where she had her life.

“Dad,.” Mike said. “It’s ok we’ve worked out someplace for her to stay.”

Roman nodded tiredly.

“Good.”

“Dad.” Nic said softly.” We need you to take a break.”

He shook his head.

“I’m fine.” He said quickly.

Nic looked at Mike and Aden before speaking again.

“You may be fine but your kids need to see you and you need to sleep.” She murmured. “Not to mention shower.”

He grinned slowly.

“I want to sit with her a while.” George said, sounding guilty.

“She was ill for a time before you guys came.” Roman said to them.

“All the same.” He stood up and looked at the other man.

“Ok.” Roman said.

He turned and went back into the room.

“El honey I’m going to take a break now but I’ll see you later.” He said to her leaning over the bed and kissing her again. He took a moment to look at her stroking her hair back away form her face.

He moved back to the door when he heard something from the bed. He stopped and turned looking back. She had her eyes open.

“What was that El?” he murmured moving back to the bed.

She moved her hand and pulled it up to the mask over her mouth.

“Don’t call me honey.” She said her voice croaky.

Aden ran in and put the mask back.

“Hang on El, I need to check you out.” He said.

He checked out her stats and O2 count before taking the mask off.

“Ok you can have 5 minutes but then the mask goes back on.” He told her.

She smiled briefly.

Roman leant close to her and kissed her again.

“Hey.” He said his eyes meeting hers.

“Hey.” She said her voice a hoarse whisper. “Sorry.” She croaked.

He grinned.

“I’m going to have to check my life insurance policy I think you are trying to give me a heart attack.” He grinned. “El I love you.”

“Me you.” She said, closing her eyes again.

She opened them again after a minute and looked at him.

“Is it true?” she asked.

He nodded.

She closed her eyes again and slipped into sleep.

He kissed her again and placed the mask back over her mouth.

He had Nic drive him home. George had opted to stay and Mike took Danni with him to sort out where she was staying. He yawned tiredly leaning back in the seat.

“So you think Danni is El’s daughter.” Nic finally asked.

“Not just El’s.” Roman pointed out. “If this is true then you have a sister.”

Nic shrugged.

“I enjoyed the only child bit for a long time.” she said softly. “But this has been much more fun.”

“If it is true it means that b*tch robbed me and El of 11 years.” He muttered. “And you of having her in your life sooner.”

“So you would have married her.” Nic said turning and looking at him for a second before concentrating on the road in front of them.

“We were already married just not legally.” He blurted out tiredly.

“Waoh!” Nic muttered slamming her feet on the brakes and pulling over to the side of the road. “Tell me that one again.”

Roman opened his eyes and sat up.

“We had the base chaplain say a few words.” He said softly. “But it wasn’t legal.”

Nic swore.

“Nic?” he said softly.

“I don’t believe you. You went through, with what, a quasi marriage ceremony with her and couldn’t get past your stupid pride to go to her.” She looked disgusted with him.

He grinned.

“Something like that.” He muttered. “Can you take me home now because the last three days have caught up with me and I really need some sleep.”

She shook her head and started driving again.

“She left me Nic and when I tried to get hold of her it was like she disappeared so I gave up.” He explained. “I know now that things weren’t as clear cut as that but yes I let pride stop me from coming and getting her.” he yawned again. “But I saw her once at a book signing. She was with someone and she looked happy so I moved away and well I came to Summer Bay and stopped running.”

“Dad.” Nic said softly.

“You don’t think I wish things had been different?” he said to her. “That we raised Danni and Mike together and I know she would have had you with us too in a heartbeat.” He shook his head. “But maybe things worked out like this for a reason.”

They pulled up outside the house and he climbed out. Sophie and Georgie ran out to greet him.

“Hey kids.” He said to them picking them up and carrying them indoors. He moved into the lounge and saw Meggy and Sammy there and lowered the twins to the floor before sitting down in front of them.

“Ok.” he began. “Mummy is awake but still poorly. She’s missing you lots.” He gave them all a cuddle and a kiss. “Daddy needs some sleep so I’ll miss another bed time with you but you have Nanny Rene here.”

He stood and felt the blood rush from his head and he swayed.

“Daddy?” Sammy said worriedly. “Can we see her?”

Roman shook his head.

“Not for a couple more days but then we will take you to visit. She has some medicine to make her better and it might be a bit scary to see Mummy like that.” He explained.

“I’m a big boy I won’ts be scared.” Sammy said his bottom lip trembling.

Roman nodded.

“I know you are but it scared Daddy.” He murmured.

Sammy came over to him.

“Perhaps if I holded Daddy’s hand.” He said looking worried.

“Ok.” Roman said and picked him up and cuddled him. “I would like that. Now how about you and the others work on making some get well cards for Mummy?” he suggested

Sammy nodded.

Roman gave his son a kiss and moved to the others giving them another hug and kiss before he climbed the stairs. He walked into their bedroom and collapsed on the bed pulling her pillow towards him he cuddled it as he fell asleep.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 33

He helped her into the car and smiled as he climbed in the other side she took hold of his hand before he started the engine and gave it a squeeze.

“I love you.” She murmured.

He grinned and leaned over to kiss her.

“Love you too.” He said smiling at her.

He drove them home and helped her into the house. She greeted the children before he sent her upstairs and to bed. The children followed and brought the kittens up to her. She let them all stay even though she drifted off to sleep not long after. He found that he couldn’t fit in the bed that night because she was tucked in the middle the children around her and Cookie on the end of the bed swatting at the intruding kittens. He could swear that when he sent them to bed the children had been in their own room. He sighed and pulled up a chair resting his feet on the antique trunk at the end of the bed, she used for storage and pulled a blanket over himself and went to sleep too.

He woke sometime in the night to find that El had woken up and climbed out of the bed. He found her downstairs in the kitchen.

“You have a fan base.” He grinned.

She smiled at him.

“And a watch cat.” She added pointing out Cookie who had followed her.

He grinned and went to the fridge and pulled out some ham for the old cat. She looked at Roman with something akin to worship as he tore the ham into small pieces and fed them to her. Walking over to the sink he washed his hands and dried them before turning to El.

“How are we going to do this El?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I don’t know.” She murmured. “I spoke to Rachel and she recommended hypnosis to try and recover the memories.”

He smiled at her.

“And do you want to remember?” he asked.

“Would you want the only happy memory of your mother wiped out?” she muttered folding her arms across her midriff.

He looked into her eyes and saw the glint of tears.

“She never loved you El.” He said hating himself for pushing her but the DNA tests had revealed that Danni was their daughter.

El looked up at him and tried to smile but her face felt frozen.

“I don’t like her.” she finally confessed.

“Hun you haven’t actually spent much time with her.”

She nodded.

“I know that. But there is something wrong.” She said. “Where did she come from? What is her background?”

She moved to the sofa and sat down. He followed and sat beside her.

“Ella.” He said.

She shook her head at his use of that tone of voice. The one where she would suddenly find herself doing something she hadn’t wanted to.

“No don’t try and talk me into something I’m not comfortable with. I don’t like her and yes that may be horrible to admit but I feel there is something wrong.” She said.

He put his arm around her and pulled her into his body.

“Ok.” he said and kissed her.

She sighed.

“Ok.” she muttered. “I’ll speak to her.”

He grinned.

“That was too easy.” He murmured.

She shrugged.

“I’m going back to bed.” She told him.

She stood up and moved away from him wiggling her hips as she moved. He watched her get to the bottom of the stairs before he moved and vaulted after her.

“Are you trying to turn me on?” he growled against her neck as he pulled her back and kissed her.

She chuckled.

“Nope.” she said giving him a wicked smile. “Just going to bed.”

He picked her up and moved her back into the lounge.

“Roman?” she asked breathlessly.

“The bed has a load of kids in it.” he said.

He undid the fastening on his jeans and lay with her on the sofa.

She laughed winding her arms around his neck and held him to her as they began kissing. He tugged off his T Shirt and dropped it on the floor. She ran her hands over his chest before pressing her lips to his neck and then down.

He grinned and parted her legs easing between them. He joined with her finding her ready for him and groaned against her neck as she wrapped herself around him. They made love slowly until finally they climaxed together and he collapsed holding her in his arms. After a moment she gave a cry and pushed at his shoulders.

“El?” he asked puzzled.

“You …” she muttered.

She pulled away from him and ran up the stairs. He stood and pulled his jeans up fastening them in a hurry and picked up his T shirt off the floor before following her. He heard the shower in the bathroom and he went inside.

“El?” he said softly.

She turned away from him.

“You didn’t use anything.” She said.

A look of horror came over his face.

“It’s not the end of the world is it?” he asked.

She looked at him then.

“I don’t want another baby with you.” She told him.

He flinched.

“I didn’t intend for that to happen.” He said to her.

“Leave me alone.” She told him.

He sighed and turned and left her waiting outside the bathroom until she calmed down. He heard the shower turn off and she came out a moment later.

“El.” He said gently.

She shook her head.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” she told him.

“And if you are pregnant?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I’ll do something about it.” she muttered.

She moved quietly into the bedroom and climbed back into bed amongst the children. He watched her from a distance before joining her on the bed. He had to lie close to her and heard her sigh as she snuggled back to him.

“I hate you.” She muttered.

“I hate me too. I should have thought about it.” he said softly placing a kiss to the back of her neck.

“Isn’t that how we got Meggy?” she sighed.

“That took two goes. But you know just say the word and we go to another bedroom and I’ll try again for you.”

She chuckled.

“Carry on suggesting things like that and you’ll end up in the spare bed alone.” she murmured sleepily.

“I do want another baby El, but seriously I didn’t plan it, ok?” he said.

She sighed but whatever she was going to say was overtaken by her need for sleep.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 34

He woke up alone and groaned. Moving quickly he went into the en suite and took a long shower. He dressed afterwards and moved downstairs. El was in the garden with the kids and the new kittens. He went over to her and sat next to her on the grass.

“Morning sleepy.” She murmured in greeting after he kissed her.

“You should have woken me.” He grouched.

She smiled.

“Now why would I do that? You were sleeping like a baby.” She grinned.

He looked over at her.

“How are you?” he asked softly.

“I’m fine honestly and no, I have no intention of wearing myself out so stop fussing.”

He grinned.

“I haven’t fussed once.” He grumbled.

She looked up at his face and kissed him.

“Uh huh.” She said.

“So what are we going to tell the kids about Danni?” he asked her.

She stood and moved away restlessly.

“El?” he asked coming after her.

“Nothing.” She said. “She is not my daughter.” She muttered going into the house and into the kitchen.

She put the kettle on and got out a cup spooning instant coffee into it.

“Ella.” He said quickly dragging her attention back to him.

Her eyes met his.

“She passed a DNA test. She is our daughter.” He pointed out.

She shook her head.

“No I don’t believe it. I don’t like her and I don’t trust her.”

“You can’t keep her at a distance it’s not fair.” He said.

“I have no intention of opening my arms in welcome.” She muttered filling the cup with the hot water and stirring the drink.

“How can you deny your daughter?” he asked finally moving to the other side of the kitchen.

“How can you accept her as your daughter?” she said countering his words. “I can’t accept her and if that makes me a bad person in your eyes then so be it.”

She turned away from him.

“Look I can understand…..” he began.

“No you can’t.” she shouted, finally losing her temper. “Nine months ago I buried my baby and you just want to give me another one without even trying to understand how much pain I’m in and you just accept her story without checking her out. And don’t even go on about the DNA results because I’m sick of hearing it.”

She walked away and he followed unable to let this go.

“Stop El” He said. “I…”

She shook her head.

“I don’t want to hear it. If you insist on this I’ll leave and move back to the studio.”

He looked at her and folded his arms across his chest.

“That is your answer for everything, to runaway.” He sneered angrily.

“I’m not running away you pig!” she shouted. “I’m leaving so that we don’t do this. Do you honestly thing we are strong enough to cope with these arguments?”

He shook his head.

“Call it what you want Elizabeth, you keep running and one day I may not want to chase after you.” He muttered.

She glared at him.

“Well let me make it easy for you. Don’t come after me.” She said moving towards the stairs.

“Elizabeth.” He said again. “Don’t do this.”

She shook her head.

“I wish I’d never met you.” She told him.

He flinched.

“I can’t do this.” He said. “What is it about us that we hit self destruction button every time something happens?”

She tried not to smile but couldn’t help herself.

“Roman.” She began.

He moved over to her and pulled her into his arms taking the cup from her hand and placing it on the table beside them.

“I love you El and I don’t understand why you can’t accept that we have a daughter.”

“Because she isn’t our daughter Roman.” She said softly. “I don’t know what it is but I don’t feel right about her.”

“Ok.” he said feeling a tremble go through her.

He kissed her softly, his lips gentle on hers.

“Why don’t we contact Pete and get a background check run on her?” he suggested.

She nodded.

“And I need to visit the hospice.” She said. “I need to know.”

He sighed.

“Isn’t there something you want to say to me?” he prompted.

She looked up at him.

“I don’t think so.” She murmured a smile playing on her lips.

He kissed her feeling her arms wrap around his neck.

“How about now?” he asked her.

She shook her head.

He groaned and kissed her again, one hand moving down her body to cup her behind in the cute shorts she was wearing. It pulled her closer to him and he moaned as his body reacted. She ran her hands down his chest and around his waist pressing him closer to her. He pushed his leg between hers feeling her thigh rub against him. She moaned against his lips as he plundered her mouth and he moved his hand to under her skimpy top and found her breast. His fingers teasing her nipple.

Easing back he looked at her.

“Are you sure there is nothing you want to say?” he asked again.

She shook her head.

He picked her up and carried her towards the stairs.

“What about the kids?” she asked.

“They can cope for 5 minutes.” He grinned.

“Oh five minutes?” she asked.

He looked at her.

“Well might be a bit longer.” He murmured going up the stairs.

“I often think that.” She said with a sigh.

He dropped her on the bed and looked at her.

“And what exactly do you want to be longer?” he asked.

She looked at him and held out her arms.

“Are you coming to play Mister?” she asked.

He put his hands on his hips and looked at her.

“No.” he said. “Not until I’ve heard the words.”

She grinned.

“Ok.” she said and stood up moving past him.

He caught hold of her arm and moved to pull her hard against him.

“You are…” he stopped and kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I love you.” She said softly.

He smiled.

“Promise me you won’t leave.” He said against her lips leading her over to the bed.

She looked into his eyes.

“I can’t.” she murmured.

He flinched and pulled away from her.

“Roman.” She said softly placing her hand on his face and turning his head towards her. “I promise to love you.” She whispered. “I can’t stop loving you.” She kissed him. “I worship you.” She added.

He looked into her eyes.

“Not good enough.” He said.

“Then you are going to be disappointed.” She murmured. “We have too much going on. I’m still hurting.”

He moved to lie beside her.

“Tell me El, how are you going to feel when it’s too late to have a relationship with Danni because you let this mistrust build up.”

“And so we are back to that.” She sighed and sat up.

“I don’t think we can get past this El.” He said.

“Then we have nothing further to say to each other. I’m going down to see the children.” She murmured.

He let her go watching with a sinking heart as she moved out of the bedroom.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 35

As soon as her plane landed she picked up a hire care and drove to the address she had been given by her father pulling up outside the stark white building. She looked at the name plaque by the front gate and felt no hint of remembrance. She sighed and pulled out her phone checking for messages. She sighed again at seeing none.

They had spent a week barely speaking to each other and were now sleeping in separate rooms. The children had picked up on the atmosphere already and Sammy was back to be clingy and uncertain. She had broken a rule and let him sleep with her a couple of nights but she still felt like a lousy mother.

Taking a deep breath she pushed open the gate and began to walk up the pathway. Nothing was familiar but if she was as ill as they said she might not have know anything of her surroundings. She went into the building itself feeling nerves building up in her until she was almost shaking with them. She made her way down the corridor to the administration office as directed by the signs.

“Hello” she called out after knocking on the door.

After a minute or so some one opened the door and she looked at the face of the person.

“I wondered If I would see you again.” She was told.

“I’m sorry I don’t know you. “ El mumbled feeling suddenly sick.

“Come and sit down.” The Nun said softly. “I’m Sister Catherine.”

“And you know me?” Ell forced the words past her now chattering teeth.

She looked down at her hands clenched in her lap but it didn’t stop them shaking.

“I know you Elizabeth.” Sister Catherine murmured.

El looked at the other woman and sighed.

“Are you saying that I was here?” she asked.

Sister Catherine nodded.

“You were here for 16 weeks,”

El looked at her.

“Show me where.” She instructed.

Sister Catherine nodded again and led the way out of the room. She was wearing a short black habit with a headpiece. Her shoes were flat and she padded down the corridor in front of her.

El felt a dread feeling in her stomach as she moved. She looked at the pale painted plaster walls and the austere woodwork feeling a strange sense of Déjà vu.

“Lilac.” She said suddenly.

“That’s right dear. It was my one vice that I could never seem to shake. “Sister Catherine murmured in response.

“Lilac perfume on a lace handkerchief.”

“Yes Elizabeth.” Sister Catherine confirmed.

She moved ahead and opened the door.

El walked through and looked at the bed with a wooden cross on the wall above it. She saw the small window with no curtains and had a memory of trying to stay asleep with the sun on her from dawn, unable to move away from the glare across her eyes and unable to roll over because of the bump.

She looked at Sister Catherine and whatever she was planning to ask disappeared as she sank into blackness and slide slowly to the floor.

She woke later once more on the narrow confines of the bed and almost screamed before she realised that she could move. She sat up and looked around and saw Sister Catherine sitting on a chair the other side of the room.

“Why did you take my baby? “El shouted at her.

“Because we thought we were doing the best thing for you.” The nun told her. “You weren’t married and your Mother told us…”

“A pack of lies. I was married. As good as and you took my baby away.” She found herself screaming.

“I’m sorry Elizabeth.” The nun told her softly her head lowered.

“No you don’t get away with that. I hope you rot in hell with my mother, you and everyone else who is responsible for taking my baby. I want to see the records.”

“We can’t show those to you.” Sister Catherine told her.

“You will show me or I will kick up a scandal so big.” El threatened standing up and moving over to her.

“Elizabeth we cannot show you those records.”

El shook her head.

“You took my baby out of me and you stole it and gave it to someone else to raise and you tell me you can’t tell me who?”

The older woman paled.

“We thought we were helping you.” She stammered.

“How was stealing my baby helping me? Keeping me doped up so I didn’t know what day it was? Was that helping me? Denying me the chance to tell my husband he was a father?” she screamed at her unable to control the rage inside her.

“I’m sorry. “ The nun murmured.

She stood up looking older than when she’d shown El into the room.

“We need to go back into the office.” She stated and El walked slowly behind her back into the first room she’d entered.

The nun walked over to the filing cabinet at the end of the office and pulled out a folder. She handed it to El.

“Gabriel?” she asked.

“Yes that is what you called her.” The Nun confirmed.

El sighed.

“This is her?” she asked picking up a faded Polaroid photograph.

The Nun nodded.

El looked at the photograph for a long time before the tears came.

“I want a copy of these to take with me.” She said after a time, indicating the papers.

Sister Catherine nodded and moved away to a side room to use the photocopier. She handed over the copies and put the originals away.

“Elizabeth please believe me we didn’t know how much damage we were doing.” She said softly giving El the photograph.

“I won’t forgive you Sister.” She said moving away and out of the building. She dragged on a pair of sunglasses to cover her tear-drenched eyes and made her way to the hotel.

Lifting out her bag from the back she moved toward reception and checked in. She made her way to the room and opened the door stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.

“Did someone request room service?” Roman asked.

She looked in disbelief.

“Why are you here?” she asked quickly.

He looked up at her from his position on the bed.

“Because I am your husband and I shouldn’t let you go through this alone.” He explained.

He held out his hand and she moved to the bed dropping her handbag and holdall to the floor. He pulled her to lie next to him and she began to sob. His arms went round her and he held her shaking body close.

After a time he wiped her tears away and kissed her. She responded kissing him back.

“I love you El.” He whispered moving over the top of her. He peeled off their clothes and began to make love stroking her body and kissing her. She moved her hands to his waist stroking down his back. Her lips pressing against the side of his neck as she moaned her pleasure. He looked into her eyes.

“You are so beautiful El.” He said to her softly.

She wrapped her legs around him and moved slowly rubbing her whole body against him. He groaned low in his throat.

“Its been so long.” He moaned against her lips. “Tell me you want me.”

She pulled away slight and looked into his eyes.

“Well I’ve left it a little late to tell you I don’t want you.” She grinned and kissed him.

He smiled and his mouth descended on hers.

“Words.” He said gently.

“I want you.” She murmured kissing him. “I want you so much.”

He thrust into her harder and deeper feeling her respond.

“Yes.” He groaned.

She stroked his face and neck before putting her hands on his hips and pulling him against her.

He grinned and he moved. His body buried deeply within her his hands touched her all over as he made love to her. To his wife. He felt her climax beginning and he moaned low in his throat. She clung to him sobbing his name as the pleasure overtook her, feeling the spiral of pleasure deepen he reach the pinnacle himself. He moved slowly away and into the bathroom.

She heard the shower come on and he came out before he reached out a hand to her again. She grinned and moved into the bathroom to shower with him.

“Once not enough for you?” she asked.

“I haven’t made love to you for a month.” He began. “So you really think that once will be enough to sate this appetite.”

She giggled and pulled his arms around her.

“I need you to hold me.” She said.

He smiled sadly and pulled her close to him.

“I’m here El.” He said.

“Yes but I can’t talk to you.” She told him. “We’ll just argue again.”

“I don’t want that either. But I’m here. Not for this but for you.” He pointed out. “I wasn’t going to let you go through this alone.”

She shook her head.

“Why?” She asked suddenly pulling away and stepping out of the shower. She wrapped a towel around herself and went through to the bedroom tidying up the discarded clothes and picking up her bags.

“Because I should have been here for you before and I wasn’t. And I should be more supportive of you.” He said finally.

She flinched.

“So you are here because you feel guilty.” She said her tone harsh.

“No.” he said switching off the shower and coming out to join her. “I’m here because I’m your husband and I love you and I should have been here 20 years ago not to mention earlier today.”

She shook her head and sank down on the bed.

“I don’t believe this.” She said.

“El?” he asked puzzled.

“You’re here because of some stupid guilt trip.” She muttered.

“No.” he muttered. “I’ve told you why I’m here.”

She stood up and pulled on her trousers before grabbing a T-shirt, not bothering with underwear.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Away from you. We can’t do this.” She said. “Maybe the hotel has another room.”

“Stop it.” he said angrily.

“No. Get away from me.”

“I’m your husband. I came to support you.” He said to her.

She went to move away from him but he put his hands on her arms. She pulled away but he held her firm.

“Get off me.” She said quickly.

“Listen. Yes I’m guilty. You went through something horrible and I wasn’t there but that is not why I came here today.” He said.

She pulled at her arms again and they over balanced and fell on the bed. His leg in-between hers. He looked into her face and leaned forward and kissed her. She turned her head away from him and he moved pinning her arms above her head with one hand so he could use the other to hold her head still. He kissed her plundering her mouth with his tongue tasting her lips. He kept kissing her as he moved his hand to under her T-shirt to cup her breasts after a couple of minutes he went to the waistband of her trousers and he undid them putting his hand between her legs.

She moved her head frantically away from his mouth and squirmed under him. He dragged her trousers down her frantic movements helping him rather than hindering him.

“Stop.” She said to him.

He shook his head.

“This is only what we have left.” He said and sighed.

“You can’t do this please.” She moaned.

He covered her mouth with his own to stop her words. She lay on the bed underneath him and he parted her legs moving between them.

She begged him to stop, her words taken by his kisses. She wanted to hate this but her body betrayed her. He knew the moment she stopped fighting him and he let go of her arms. She put them around him as he eased into her body again. She wrapped her legs around him and welcomed him with a satisfied sigh.

“I love you.” He said again.

She turned her face away to avoid his words.

He made love to her throughout the night over and over again and when she woke in the morning she was alone. She saw a note on the bedside cabinet and reached for it dislodging something in the process. She bent down and picked it up looking at it for a long moment before opening the piece of paper and reading the two words.

“I’m sorry.”

She opened her hand and looked at his wedding ring and began to cry.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 36

“Dad I can’t believe you.” Nic muttered.

He looked at his daughter and turned away.

“It’s none of your business.” He said and moved into the kitchen away from her accusing glare.

She followed him with Aden walking behind her.

“You and El cannot get a divorce.” Nic said.

“She filed not me.” Roman said patiently.

“Why?” Nic asked him again.

“None of your business.” Roman muttered. “Just accept it Nic.”

She looked at Aden in appeal.

“Roman you and El love each other so why are you letting it happen.”

“Stop it. I don’t have to explain anything to you. Just accept that it is over ok.” He poured out some coffee for himself and drank from the cup the scalding liquid burning his mouth. He swore and turned away from them.

“What did you do Dad?” Nic asked.

He looked at her for a moment before looking out the back into the garden.

“I didn’t listen.” He admitted. “She wasn’t ready and I pushed and I didn’t listen.”

“I don’t understand.” Aden said softly.

“It doesn’t matter it’s over. “ Roman sighed and took another drink of the coffee.

“Is this about Danni?” Nic said after a time.

He shook his head.

“No it’s about more than that.” He said finally. “When we lost the baby we fell apart and nothing could really make it better after that.”

“If nothing could make it better she wouldn’t have come home at Christmas.” Aden said. “But she did.”

Roman shook his head.

“She came home but then Danni happened and you can’t replace a baby.” He said cryptically.

“Did you try?” Aden asked folding his arms across his chest and looking at the other man.

“I wanted to. “ he admitted. “But you have no idea of what it’s been like for the past few months. Nothing we say or do fixes it.”

Roman moved into the lounge and sank on to the sofa.

Aden took Nic into his arms and gave her a quick hug before they followed.

“So tell us.” Nic said softly sitting next to him.

“Every talk turned into an argument until we were just destroying each other so I let her go.”

“You let her go?” Aden murmured.

Roman nodded.

“I had to because I was destroying her inside. And the last time I saw her I did something horrible. I can’t let her forgive me for that.” He said.

He moved restlessly going to the window and looking out.

“Can you take the Kids this weekend I need to go clear my head.” He said.

Aden and Nic looked at each other.

“Dad what did you do?” Nic said and held her breath.

He shook his head.

“Its between us Nic.” He said to her.

“Ok.” she murmured and looked to Aden.

“We’ll sort the kids out.” Aden said.

“Thanks.” He said looking at the pair of them. He moved restlessly and finally went up the stairs returning moments later with a bag.

“I’ll text you later.” He said and moved out of the door without saying goodbye.

“Well.” Nic murmured.

“He’s hurting Princess.” Aden said softly.

“I know.” She sniffed suspiciously. “El won’t even answer my text messages anymore.”

He gave her another hug and she began to cry.

El checked into the hotel and was taken to the room. She dumped her bag on the bed before she changed into a swimsuit. A quick look round the room and she smiled grabbing her bag and dumping it in the wardrobe she made her way out of the room and over to the beach. She spread out a towel and lay down pulling on some sunglasses she began to relax letting the sun wash over her.

Roman checked not the hotel surprised they had a room available. He went into the elevator and walked to the room. He put his bag on the bed and took a quick shower to wash away the trip before heading to the beach. He went for a long swim easing the knots out of tired muscles.

She rolled over and picked up her book and started reading.

Roman walked out of the surf and collapsed on a towel. He pulled on some sunglasses and lay down.

She grew tired and stood shaking the sand off the towel and heading back to the room.

Roman felt a scattering of sand hit him as someone shook their towel out and he decided to move back to the room.

El made it to the elevator with moments to spare. The doors were in the process of closing.

Roman saw the elevator doors closing and headed for the stairs. He ran up the first three flights before he slowed and walked the rest. He moved to the room and opened the door. The shower was running and he thought that maybe he’d left it running in his eagerness to get out on the beach. He stepped into the bathroom stripping off his board shorts.

El screamed.

“What?” He exclaimed. “Are you doing in my room?” he finished the sentence grabbing a towel and wrapping it around him.

“Your room?” she screeched. “And stop looking at me.”

He hid a smile as he turned his back.

“Like you weren’t looking at me.”

“I have better things to do with my eyes, Like put shampoo in them.” she muttered.

He reached out and handed her a towel and she wiped at her eyes.

“Why are you here?” she asked him.

“I needed a break.” He said. “Not that I have to give you any explanation.”

“No you don’t apart from telling me why you are in my room.” She mumbled. “Now get out of here while I finish my shower.”

“Fine. Don’t use all the hot water.” He said.

She glared at his retreating back.

He waited until she came out before he went and showered. She was dressed by the time he came out and he pulled out some clean clothes from his bag and retreated back into the bathroom to dress the sound of her laughter ringing in his ears.

“Now tell me what makes you think this is your room?” he asked.

She looked at him.

“That would be because I booked it three weeks ago.” She folded her arms across herself and glared at him.

“Then they made a mistake.” He said.

“They certainly did.” She moved past him and opened the door.

“El.” He said.

She turned.

“I suggest you go and pack.” She said to him without a backward glance. She went out.

He walked over to the mini bar and looked at the contents before deciding on a coffee. He was hungry but he thought he would wait until she came back before deciding whether to eat or not.

He didn’t have long to wait when the door opened minutes later.

“Well?” he asked.

“They checked you in as my husband. There are no rooms available elsewhere.” She told him.

“Well I’m not leaving.” He decided.

“Me either so we have a problem.” She said looking at the bed.

He grinned.

“No problem. I’m sure I can trust you to keep your hands to yourself.” he said to her and hoped she would smile at the joke or at least stop frowning at him.

“I’m going to go get some dinner. “ she muttered. “I’m hungry.”

He nodded.

“Me too strangely. Are we going to go together or should we sit at separate tables and pretend we don’t know each other?” He said to her draining the contents of his cup and placing it on the top.

“Separate restaurants.” She muttered picking up her bag and moving away from him.

He tried not to let her see his grin but he was too late in hiding it and she scowled at him again.

“Ella. I didn’t plan this ok. I need a break so do you think we could have a truce for a while?”

She looked at him.

“No. I don’t feel like having a truce with you.” She grabbed the room key and went out of the door. He picked up his phone and his own room key and followed. She was by the elevator when he caught up with her.

“Ok no truce.” He said. “But you wanted it that way.”

She glared at him.

“Whatever.” She said and moved away heading for the stairs. He watched her go with a sad look on his face.

She pushed open the door to the stairway and dragged in several breaths feeling dizzy and nauseous. The doctor had warned her that she would feel like this she was just recovering for a virus coming on top of the pneumonia at Christmas. She was worn out and she sat on the step for a moment trying to catch her breath.

“What’s wrong?” he asked from behind her.

“Nothing.” She said.

”Nothing doesn’t usually have you go that shade and look so worn out.” He murmured.

He walked over to her and sat next to her.

“I had a virus but I’m fine now.” She explained.

“Yeah ok. “ he said in that tone of voice that said he didn’t believe her. ”Well can I recommend the elevator because these stairs are a killer.” He murmured.

She nodded and he helped her to stand. He put his arm around her waist and almost grinned like an idiot when she didn’t pull away. He pressed the button for the lift and the doors opened almost immediately. He stepped inside and had her standing next to him.

“Is this restaurant any good?” he asked when they reached the ground floor.

She nodded.

“Last time I was here it was ok but that was a couple of years ago.” She said to him.

He nodded as he led them through the doors and asked for a table. They were shown one near the back. He ordered mineral water for them both and watched as she took a couple of tablets.

She caught his worried look.

“Just vitamins.” She told him. “My iron count is a bit off.”

“Sorry. “ he said.

She raised her eyebrows as she looked at him.

“I shouldn’t be adding more stress on you.” He shrugged as he explained.

She picked up the menu and looked at it.

The waiter came over and took their order.

“Would you like to share a bottle of wine?” he asked.

She grinned and shook her head.

“No you go ahead and order that bottle of red you want. I’ll stick to water for a time.”

He smiled at her and asked for a bottle of expensive red. The waiter made a show of pouring it out for him.

“Thanks.” He said.

She watched as he took a sip.

“Good?” she asked him.

He smiled at her and handed over the glass.

Their eyes met for a moment before she took the glass from him and took a sip.

“Yuk?” he asked grinning.

She nodded.

“It’s dry.” She muttered.

He smiled and their hands met on the table. He took her fingers in his grasp and ran his thumb over them.

“I found a nice Rose that I think you might like.” He said.

“No.” she shook her head. “You are not trying to get me to like red wine by being sneaky.”

His eyes met hers.

“Lets pretend ok.” she said. “This feels too nice to spoil.”

He nodded.

“Its hard.” He began.

“Already? I barely touched you.” She interrupted him.

He laughed and then sobering he looked at her.

“Not to say anything. I’m sorry.”

“I got your note.” She said a hint of bitterness in her voice.

“Well yes but I’m sorry for a load of other things now.” He said and saw her smile.

“Uh huh.” She grinned and looked at him. “Do you want to tell me what you are sorry for now?”

He shook his head.

“Nope.” he said. “Not until I know what crimes I’m being charged with.”

She laughed.

“Turning me into someone who vacuums.” She began.

“Ok.” he murmured a smile playing on his lips.

“not taking me dancing.”

“True. I’m sorry about that.” He looked over at the dance floor with a few couples already on it. He stood and pulled on her hand until she stood. He led her over to the dance floor and took her into his arms. They danced for two songs relaxing into each other’s arms. She lay her head on his shoulder melting against him.

They moved back to the table and he held out the chair for her to sit in it.

“Only doing romance when you think you’ve stuffed up or I’m mad at you.” She said.

He grinned.

“I’m sorry.” He reached into the vase on the table and tugged out the rose. Breaking off part of the stem he reached over and put it behind her ear tucking the bloom into her hair.

She chuckled.

“Being a man.”

He looked at her before grinning.

“Do you suggest I ask the waited for a steak knife?” he asked.

She laughed.

“No!” she exclaimed loudly with a hint of blush on her face as her gaze had automatically slipped downwards.

“Thank goodness for that one.” He murmured.

She smiled at him.

“Drinking whisky.” She said.

“Tough.” He replied automatically.

“See you don’t want to change.” She murmured.

He looked into her eyes.

“If it was a question of giving up whisky and a changing a few things then I would do it but nothing is that simple is it?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I’ve been grieving and it’s changed me. This isn’t all your fault.”

He took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“We should be together.” He replied.

She nodded.

“Not until Danni is ..”

“Gone?” he supplied anger changing his voice.

She shook her head.

“Sorted.” She murmured. “I can’t accept her at face value it’s too soon for me after..” she stopped.

He sighed.

“Ok.” he said.

“Bear with me. “ she began.

He nodded taking a drink of his wine.

“If she isn’t our daughter then that means our real daughter is out there somewhere and we found out but didn’t go and find her.”

He looked at her.

“And if she is our daughter?”

El shook her head.

“We’ll cross that one when we come to it.” she said. “I’ll apologise for my suspicions and we’ll see if we can build some kind of relationship.”

He nodded.

“I can deal with that.” He said finally. “I’m sorry for not taking the time to think about it. But how do you explain the DNA test?”

El shook her head and had to reposition the rose.

“I can’t. I just feel that something isn’t right.” She murmured.

He looked at her wanting to ask her about the fact she filed for divorce and not want to ruin what they had.

They ate their meal and danced some more before going to their room. He had his arm round her and she raised her head expectantly.

He pressed a kiss to the side of her mouth and moved into the bathroom.

She sighed and changed before she climbed into the bed. She left the light on for him and settled down her back tot he bathroom door. He came out and climbed into bed.

“Goodnight.” He murmured clicking out the light.

She murmured a response and snuggled down further under the cover. He felt her lying next to him and tensed.

“What’s wrong she asked after a time.

“Nothing.” He replied.

“Ok. “ she said. “Are you seeing someone?” she asked.

“What? no!” he exclaimed.

“Well don’t you want me?” she asked rolling on her back.

He rolled on to his back and lay beside her.

“Yes.” He said. “But I can’t.”

“Ok.” she replied and turned again her back to him.

He sighed.

“I hurt you.” he said finally. “And I can’t.”

“When?” she asked puzzled.

“Last time.” he sighed and rolled away form her.

She reached out and put the light on.

“Is that why you took your ring off?” she asked.

He didn’t answer.

“Roman?” she prompted.

He shook his head and kept his back to her.

She sighed and reached for him stroking his back.

“Stop it.” he said moving to the edge of the bed.

“What I’m just stroking your back.” She said.

“But its that.” He said cryptically.

“Ok.” she murmured softly.

“It tells me you still care for me and I don’t deserve it I ra…” he said but she cut him off.

“You so didn’t.” she muttered angrily. “And I would know.”

He shook and she moved putting her arms around him pressing her scantily clad body against him.

He sighed.

“I did.” He murmured.

“Ok you did.” She agreed with him.

He rolled over so fast he nearly squashed her. She managed to move out of the way at the last second.

“El?” he asked.

She smiled.

“You were forceful but you didn’t force me. You would have stopped.”

He shook his head.

“Ok than you did. You forced me to have wild kinky sex with you for most of the night as I remember. Ouh you brute.” She added.

He looked at her.

“Don’t do it again.” She said slipping the straps of her night-gown down.

He watched fascinated.

“I can’t do this.” He said.

She smiled and moved her hand to fondle him.

“Well part of you disagrees.” She told him smiling. “I could have slapped you. Screamed. Fought you.” She pointed out. “And I was angry too.”

“I still ..” he began.

“Do you want to examine that night until you’ve convinced your self you are Attila the Hun or would you like to make love?” she asked putting her arms around his neck.

“El.” He whispered.

She kissed him and felt him respond putting his arms around her.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 37

He woke slowly and felt her lips pressed to his.

“Hello.” She smiled at him.

“Morning.” He grinned.

She shook her head.

“Afternoon.” She chuckled.

“Really?” he asked moving and sitting up in the bed. He adjusted the pillows behind him and leaned back. She sat next to him and lifted up his watch.

“It is.” He muttered.

“Been a long time since we did this.” She grinned.

“Spent all night making love?” he smiled and kissed her. “A long time.”

“What do you want to do today?” She asked him snuggling in his arms.

“Well.“ he said and smiled at her.

“Really?” she asked.

He chuckled.

“Only if you want me to collapse with a heart attack.” He grinned at her. “More beach time and maybe go for walk?”

She nodded.

“I can do that.” She smiled and kissed him again before standing up and moving over to the wardrobe and getting out her bag. She looked into it and pulled out a bikini.

“Oh no your not.” He growled.

“It’s fine.” She said. “Covers me completely.” She grinned.

She went into the shower and he picked up the bikini looking at it and shook his head. He moved off the bed and made his way into the bathroom climbing into the shower with her.

She kissed him and chuckled when he took the sponge from her hand and began stroking her all over with it.

“Are you starting something?” she grinned at him.

He shook his head.

“Just worshipping you a little.” He said.

“I could get used to this. Can I book you for a back massage later?” she said and kissed him.

“Yes.” He murmured. “Shall we hit the beach?” he asked.

She nodded and climbed out of the shower pulling a towel round her. He watched her a smile on his face before he finished and turned the shower of. He grabbed a towel before pulling on a pair of board shorts. He rubbed a hand over his chin and reached into his wash kit for his razor.

“Hey.” She said from the doorway.

He turned and looked at her.

“That is some bikini.” He said looking at her.

“Am I allowed to wear it?” she asked her voice unsteady.

He looked at her.

“El?” he asked.

Her eyes met his.

“You haven’t worn a bikini out since have you? Only at home?”

She nodded.

“Then I would be really proud to be seen with you in that hot red bikini.” He said softly and held out his hand to her.

She went over to him and into his arms.

“But you don’t think..” she began. “I mean the babies and well…”

“El you are beautiful.” He smiled. “I want you to wear it for me.”

She smiled at him still a touch uncertainly.

She picked up her sarong and tied it round her waist. He watched her and took hold of her hand, abandoning his shave, and they moved out of the hotel room. He put his arm around her shoulders and leant down and kissed her. They went out of the hotel and down to the beach. She led him by way of a shack on the beach that sold coffee.

“How did you know?” he grinned.

“The rabid expression.” She smiled “and you rushed me out of the room before I changed my mind about the bikini.”

“Do you want one?” he asked slightly puzzled.

She shook her head.

“I’ll have green tea if they have it.” she said softly.

He nodded and gave the order. It was done moments later and he collected the cups and walked over to where she had snagged an empty table.

He sat next to her and smiled.

“You do look like a beach babe.” He grinned.

She sipped the tea and looked at him over her sunglasses.

“Thanks.” She smiled back.

He drank his coffee. And sat back on the chair.

“El.” He began.

“You want to know where this is going?” she guessed.

He nodded.

“I’m not coming back to you.” She murmured. “I think we are too hurt for that.”

“I can’t be with you as your boyfriend.” He said.

She giggled.

“I was thinking sex toy actually.”

He laughed.

“And what about the kids?” he said. “They need stability.”

“I know that’s why I can’t come back. We’ve already given them a year of hell. When we are ok if we decide we want to be together then we’ll sit down and talk to them.”

“I’m not sure I’m liking all these ifs.” he said.

She smiled.

“It would be easy to say that because we’ve had a good weekend we can make it again but I’m not in a place where I can come back and there is still the Danni situation.” She shrugged. “I want to know that if we are back together then it is because we know we won’t turn round in three months and it’s all over again.”

“I can just about understand that.” He murmured.

He held out his hand to her.

She smiled and put hers into his strong grasp.

He led her down to the beach and onto the sand. They spread out their towels and she nervously took off the sarong and lay down.

She took out her Ipod and put the headphones in and lay back in the sun. He watched her slowly relax and become less self-conscious and he grinned. He reached out and picked up the book she had brought with her and found himself reading it.

She rolled over after a time and caught him engrossed in a story about Vietnam and grinned at him. She pulled out her headphones and tucked the Ipod away before standing up and moved to the water’s edge and waded through the shallows before diving in and swimming. He put the book to one side before joining her.

They went back to the hotel a while later and made their way to the room.

She clicked on the tv and flicked thought the channels spotting a film starting later that she wanted to see. She moved into the bathroom.

“How about room service?” she suggested to him. “I don’t feel like getting dressed up.”

He put his head round the shower door and looked at her.

“Ok.” he agreed.

“If you want to go to the bar.” She murmured.

He switched off the shower and stepped out pulling a towel round him.

“No room service and a cuddle sounds ok.” he said. “Shall we check the menu?”

She smiled at him and moved over to her handbag and pulled out her tablets and took a couple.

He looked at her again and tried to hide the worried expression on his face but she caught his expression and moved over to him.

“I’m ok.” she told him.

“I’m just not used to you taking tablets and not drinking coffee.” He did a double take.

“El?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“No.” she said.

“Are you sure?” he murmured almost hopefully.

“I did a test and it was negative then I went to the doctor and he said it was virus and I was run down.” She explained.

He pulled on a pair of shorts and she moved into the bathroom.

After a time he moved into the bathroom.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured.

She turned off the shower and stepped wrapping a towel around herself.

“Thank you but why?” she said softly.

“For trying to push you to have another baby.” He said.

She moved over to him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I understand.” She said to him stroking his face. “But I can’t.”

He moved and sat on the bed and watched as she smoothed moisture lotion over her legs and arms.

“Here.” He said.

She handed him the tube and he squeezed a small amount into his hands and smoothed it over her back rubbing it in gently easing out the kinks in her back at the same time. He heard her sigh and smiled.

El flexed her back and stood up pulling on a sundress and taking the wet towels back to the bathroom. She rinsed out her bikini in the sink and hung it on the shower door to dry.

She came out and he’d moved the pillows on the bed and was sitting watching the news. She smiled at him.

“Decided what you want?” she asked and blushed at the look he gave her.

She sat next to him and looked at the menu.

“I thought the pasta dish sounded good and maybe another bottle of wine.”

She grinned.

“That wine was $160 a bottle.” She murmured.

He grinned.

“I liked it.”

“Which one of us is paying for the room?” she asked after a moment.

“You.” He said. “I’m still paying off two diamond bracelets.”

She chuckled.

She picked up the phone and ordered their meal before snuggling with him.

“So you took a test?” he asked after a significant silence.

She laughed.

“Yes.” She murmured. “After we were together last time I started having dizzy spells.”

“Would you have told me?” he asked, “forget that question.”

She moved into his arms.

“Couldn’t really have hid it could I?” she chuckled.

“El?” he murmured putting his arms around her.

She kissed him.

“Of course I would have told you.” She said softly. “I would have needed you.”

His arms trembled but he pulled her closer.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

She kissed him.

“Yes. I was scared and then a little disappointed.”

A knock sounded at the door and the waiter announced room service.

She moved back on the bed and let him answer the door. He collected the tray and lifted it onto the end of the bed then collected the drinks.

She signed for the meal and they closed the door.

“So disappointed?” he asked grinning.

“Little.” She said with a gesture of her fingers. “And also relieved.”

“Lets focus on the disappointment shall we?” he said with a grin.

“Let’s eat.” She murmured.

She got hold of the remote and switched the film on and watched with a grin as his head shot up when he recognised what was on.

“Airplane?” he grinned.

She nodded.

He laughed.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 38

El made him a coffee and woke him up.

“Yuk.” He moaned.

“Well you did drink the whole bottle of wine.” She said to him.

He moved to sit up.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Early. Six am.” She murmured.

“And I presume you’ve woken me up at this time to tell me something important?” he said taking the cup from her and taking a drink.

“I’m leaving.”

“You know you keep saying that to me lately.”

She grinned.

“Yeah but this time its because I’ve got to go earn some money.” She kissed him.

“So how do we do this?” he asked.

She shrugged.

“I don’t want the kids upset.” She murmured. “So maybe we should keep this quiet for a while.”

“I can deal with that. Why don’t we have dinner during the week and talk about it?”

She grinned.

“I’ll call you later.” She said to him and kissed him again. She reached into her pocket and pulled out his wedding ring.

“Do you want this back?” she asked.

He smiled and put the ring back on his finger.

“Are you sure you didn’t know I’d be here?” he murmured and kissed her.

She pulled back and smiled at him.

“I’ve been wearing it on a chain.”

“El.” He said softly. “We haven’t said those words.”

She nodded.

“I know.”

“I love you.” He told her kissing her again.

“Love you.” She said in response. “I have to go. I’ll speak to you tonight.”

She stood and moved away out of the room.

He sank back on the pillows and finished the coffee before grabbing a shower and packing his stuff. He found she had forgotten to pack her bikini and he tossed it in with his stuff. She’d also left the book behind that he had started reading on the beach yesterday and he grinned. He checked for anything else and then zipped up his bag.

“I’m glad you are back.” Yannis muttered as soon as he saw her. She dumped her bag on the sofa and moved into the kitchen.

“Problem?” she asked.

“No the model is here but that Doctor of yours has been trying to get hold of you. I know you were going to be incommunicado but seriously.” He groaned.

She shrugged and made a cup of green tea before picking up her mobile. She listened to the messages before heading down to the studio.

“Right I’ve got to be out of here by three this afternoon so if anybody gives me attitude then you a e off the shoot and I’ll get you replaced.” She began.

She moved over to consult with Yannis and began the shoot. After an hour she checked the shots and told the model to change.

“More tea?” he asked seeing her pale.

El shook her head.

“No but I could do with some water.”

Yannis got a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to her. She took a few sips before racing up the stairs. He went after her and waited for her once she’d finished in the bathroom.

“That did not sound good.” He murmured.

“Yeah. Probably what the doctor wants to talk to me about.” She said softly.

“Are you pregnant?” he asked.

She paled.

“I really hope not.” She said to him. “I just don’t think I could handle it.”

He reached over and gave her a hug before she took another drink of the water and went downstairs to finish the shoot.

She was in the outer office at the doctors sitting and reading a magazine that was only a month out of date. She glanced at the clock on the wall and watched as the second hand went round. Finally she heard her name called and she stood and moved into his office.

“Ella.” He greeted her and gestured to a seat.

She sank into it.

“As you know we did some blood tests last week.” He began.

She suddenly felt her heart plummet at his words knowing that something horrible was coming.

“Yes.” She said her mouth suddenly dry. She focused on how happy she had been waking up in Roman’s arms just that morning just to keep her on an even keel.

“We found some problems.” He said. “We double checked the results and I’m sorry but there is no easy way to tell anyone this news.” He paused and looked at her. “Ella you have Leukaemia.”

She gasped and immediately burst into tears.

He came round the desk and offered her a tissue from the box he had on his desk.

“Thanks.” She mumbled taking one and wiping her eyes.

“What type?” she asked when she found her voice.

“It is Acute lymphoblastic leukaemia or ALL. Now I need you to focus on this. There is an 50% chance of survival for people with this type of cancer.” He said to her.

She nodded.

“And treatment?” she asked.

“Chemotherapy and radiation. Certain drug protocols.” He began. “Bone marrow transplants.”

“I have no full blood siblings or “ she stopped. “I have a father but I don’t know where he is.”

“Children may be possible matches but we only test them in the last instance.” He said.

She nodded.

“How long?” she asked.

The doctor ignored the question and looked at her.

“We will start you on Chemotherapy. The good news it that we have caught this early.” He patted her hand. “We do need to do some more tests. If you speak to the receptionist we will set up a suitable appointment for you.”

He looked at her.

“I have some reading material for you too.” He said softly. “Is there anyone we can call for you?”

She shook her head.

“How soon do we start the treatment?” she said. “Do I need to be in hospital?”

“We will fit a small intravenous Catheter in your arm and you’ll be able to be a day patient. There will be a combination of drugs to start off with. This is known as remission induction.”

She nodded.

“These will be in high dosage and will have side effects.” He murmured.

He looked at her and checked that she was absorbing the information and

Understanding what he was telling her.

“Ella.” He said softly.

Her gaze met his.

“I’ll schedule the next appointment and then I may need to go home and start my treatment there.” She told him.

He nodded before standing and moving around the desk and picking up the leaflets for her. He handed them over and she thanked him before setting up the appointment with the receptionist.

She went back to the studio and picked up the phone.

“Just a second.” Roman murmured into the phone, he moved into the bedroom away from the children and Nic who was having coffee downstairs. “Ok, I can talk.”

“I need to tell you something and its really crappie to do this over the phone.” El murmured.

She sighed holding back her tears with difficulty. She went over to cupboard and took out a bottle of vodka and tucked it under her arm so she could unscrew the top.

“Have you had second thoughts?” he said. “Because we can take some more time.”

He heard a muffled sob and cursed himself.

She took a long drink.

“Roman I saw my doctor today and I got some bad news.” She blurted out and took another long swallow.

“How bad?” he asked sinking down on the bed.

“I have Leukaemia.” She said and burst into tears.

“El?” he said softly. “Did you just say that? I’m not having some kind of sick nightmare.”

“I said it.” she gasped.

“Ok.” he said calmly. “We can fight it and any other number of clichés that may help you right now. El, I’m going to hang up now and I’m coming to you, ok? I’ll be there in an hour.”

She smiled.

“I’m going to be very drunk in an hour.” She warned him taking another long drink.

He chuckled.

“I love you Elizabeth Harris.”

She sighed.

“I love you too.” She gasped.

He hung up the connection and clicked his phone shut. Taking a deep breath he went downstairs and looked at his kids. He took another deep breath.

“Hey.” He called. “That was Mummy and she needs me to go get a really big spider out of her shower so I have to go see her. I know I promised you a bedtime story but you’ll have to get two off me tomorrow.” He said to them.

“Daddy can I come?” Sammy asked quickly.

“Well you could but it’s a really big spider and I’m not sure I can catch it.” he pointed out. “And you need to get some naps before school tomorrow.”

Sammy nodded.

“Ok.” he murmured.

Nic smiled.

“Big spider!” she grinned.

He looked at her and took her to one side making sure the children were distracted.

“I need you to look after them.” he said to her.

She nodded and caught his expression.

“Dad?” she asked softly.

“It’s serious. She’s ill.” He murmured.

“How ill?” Nic muttered.

Roman looked at her.

“I will find out tonight.” He murmured and put a smile on his face.

Nic smiled in response.

He grabbed his keys and moved out to his car making sure the children had extra kisses and cuddles. He drove fast earning himself a speeding ticket. He pulled up outside the studio and let himself in, he took the stairs two at a time and went through to the bedroom where he found her curled up on the bed.

“El?” he said.

“I’m not quite drunk do you want to come back in 10 minutes.” She said to him wiping at the tears on her face.

He moved kicking off his shoes and lay on the bed beside her.

“I love you. We’ll get through this.” He told her pulling her into his arms.

She sighed.

“I’m not going to lose you to some disease.”

She smiled.

“My hero husband.” She grinned.

“Better believe it.” he said. “El?”

“It’s in the early stages. They think they can beat it with chemotherapy. I can be a day patient.” she murmured. “I want to come home but I don’t want to freak the children.”

“You need to be with the children. Don’t think I don’t know why you left them with me.” He said to her.

“Oh yeah why is that?”

“Well you may say school and friends but you don’t want me to miss out on being a dad like I missed out with Nic.” He grinned. “So don’t even think about telling me you don’t still love me.”

“Your trouble is that even when I hate you I still love you.” She muttered.

He pulled her close to him.

“And I will never stop loving you.” He promised.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 39

18 months later

“El.” Roman called turning down the music. “Can you stop listening to this.” He muttered when he saw her at the top of the stairs.

She came down, Danni walking slowly behind her.

“I had it on.” Danni told him quickly.

“Come see what we’ve done with her room” El said to him.

“I hate this song.” He said defensively.

El went over to him. She knew he was referring to the time she had listened to it non-stop during her illness, she switched off Evanescence and put on some upbeat pop stuff. She didn’t even recognise the group and wasn’t sure whether Meggy or Sophie owned the CD.

“Better?” she asked him.

He nodded.

She kissed him and took hold of his hand and led him upstairs.

He grinned at her and followed to the end bedroom she had given to Danni. It turned out that Danni wasn’t their biological daughter and admitted taking a swap from Sophie for the DNA test. The truth had come out one rainy afternoon when they had told the children the truth about her illness after successfully hiding it form them for 6 months. She had insisted that Danni be included.

She wasn’t 19 as she’d said instead she was only 15 and she knew about St Stephen’s hospice because she had been abandoned there as a new-born baby. She had broken in once to look at the records to try and find out who her mother was and come across El’s file and tracked her down via the information listed for El’s mother. She had never intended the fraud but had really just wanted to be part of a family.

Once Danni admitted that she faked the whole thing she tried to run away but El had driven to the bus station and brought her home, not to the beach house where she had been staying but made her move in with them. She had enrolled her in school to complete her HSC and then taken legal steps to make herself and Roman, Danni’s legal guardians.

They had tracked down their natural daughter but El hadn’t wanted to disrupt her life while she was ill. They had instead written to her adoptive parents and made them aware of the situation and that if she wanted to get in touch with them they would be waiting. They had a reply that said although she knew she was adopted she didn’t want to meet with her parents at this time. He’d been upset but El pointed out that it wasn’t fair to present themselves as parents with so much going on.

Their, or rather El’s, clever solicitor had investigated the adoption and because it was done without El’s consent and under an assumed name it wasn’t legal. That had made him more determined to approach their daughter but El had kept him back saying that if he did it he could well do more damage. She knew where they were and El had faith that one day she would be in touch. They did find out she was still called Gabriel.

He stood in the doorway seeing the newly painted walls, a blood red colour with patterned wallpaper on one wall. It had a white background and black rose print. The new bed was black wrought metal headboard and there was a white wardrobe and a mirrored chest of drawers.

“Do you girls want any help?” He asked them.

Danni looked at him.

“Where were you when we had to match up the pattern on the wallpaper?” she said to him.

Roman grinned.

“Oh that would be hiding at the diner.” He pressed a kiss to Danni’s head and gave the girl a hug.

“Can you put the lampshade up please?” El asked him with a smile on her face.

He nodded and moved the ladder to put the black lace shade on the centre light fitting.

“We need to get Danni some more clothes.” El told him and saw the girl shake her head.

“Yeah, speaking to the wrong person there.” He said. “Nic’s fashion gene skipped me and went straight to her.”

El chuckled.

“Sounds like an idea we should send her out with her sister.” El said.

“And your credit card not mine.” Roman grumbled.

“I was thinking maybe she should have her own.” El looked at Roman and he nodded. He climbed down the ladder and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Danni.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Well it’s an account so you have a bit of independence.” Roman explained. “El’s idea not mine by the way.”

Danni blushed and looked at her.

“We have put some money in it to start you off and provide for some new clothes.” Roman told her.

She looked at them and moved over to her new dresser. She had already moved some of her things back in and pulled out a small wooden cigar box. She opened it and showed them the savings she had started when worked at the diner.

“See I have money.” She pointed out.

“And now you have an account to put it in and an allowance so that you can be independent and you can save up for other stuff too. Like we know you want a car.” El told her.

Danni grinned.

“Ok.” she said to them. “Thank you.”

“Ouh, correct answer.” Roman grinned looking over at El. “Anything else you want me to do?” He asked.

She shook her head.

“We're about done aren’t we?” she asked Danni.

The girl nodded and looked round her bedroom. She had spent most of her life in foster care and having her own space was like a dream come true.

“So we’ll just go and have a swim in the pool.” El murmured.

“Ha ha..” Roman muttered.

During a bleak time in El’s treatment Roman had gotten out of bed at 3am and gone into the back paddock and started digging. El had found him an hour later and asked him what he was doing.

He had looked blank and then looked at the hole he’d dug in the ground.

‘er making a swimming pool’ he’d said to her.

‘Ok.’ El murmured in response and left him to it. Over the weeks it had become bigger with Aden and Geoff and even Miles helping him dig and remove the earth.

Then they had cemented the pool and started tiling it. It was awaiting the last sealing of the tiles and the inclusion of the pump to finish it off. Oh and some water of course!

She grinned and kissed him again before making her way over to the far wall to tidy up the remnants of wallpaper and clear away. He collected the ladder and carried it downstairs and then out to the shed before heading to the kitchen and making a pot of coffee.

El joined him with a bag of rubbish she placed by the back door and accepted the cup of coffee from him.

“Happy?” she asked him.

He smiled.

“I am.” He replied grinning.

She went and put her arm around his waist and snuggled up to him.

“Have I told you I love you today?” she asked him.

He shook his head.

“I don’t think you have.” He smiled.

“I love you.” She murmured.

His arm tightened around her and he leaned down and kissed her. They lost themselves in each other for a time until Danni coughed in the doorway.

“Jeez!” she said grinning. “ I wish you’d warned me about this kissing business before I moved in!”

“Just you wait until you have a boyfriend young lady!” El murmured.

“Yeah when you are like 30!” Roman added quickly.

Danni and El laughed.

“It’s time to get the kids.” Danni pointed out.

“And you want your next driving lesson?” El asked her.

She nodded.

El looked at Roman who shook his head.

“Nope I put up with Nic’s driving it is your turn!” he said with an authentic shudder.

She grabbed her keys and handed them to Danni.

Roman watched them go before he began work on dinner. He made a salad and put potatoes in the oven to bake. The children would have sausages with it and there was no need to start them cooking so early.

He moved upstairs to take another look at the bedroom and saw that a number of pictures needed hanging along with the notice board. Some of the furniture still needed moving. He smiled and moved into their bedroom and lay on the bed for five minutes. When El had been ill he’d started staying awake at night either watching over her or worrying about her and despite the cancer being remission for six months now he still stayed awake at night. Within moments he was asleep.

El brought the children in.

“Homework please.” She said and watched as they moved to the table and pulled out their books. She moved into the kitchen and saw that Roman had made a start on dinner and she grinned. She got a plate of cookies out for the children and poured out drinks for them. Putting them on the table.

“Mummy.” Sophie began.

“What?” she asked.

“Well Ashley is having a party next week and she wanted to know if I could come but she didn’t want Georgie because it’s girls only.” Sophie said.

“Have you spoken to Georgie?” she asked her daughter and hid the smile that she hoped the other girl was more tactful than her daughter.

She nodded.

“He said he’s not bothered.”

El looked at her son and he nodded.

“Then I don’t see why you can’t go.” She said and pressed a kiss to her head.

Danni watched them busy doing their homework and grinned.

“Back to school with you tomorrow.” El warned her. This had been a study day so they had used it to finish decorating the bedroom.

She chuckled.

“My homework is done.” She told her.

“Better be.” El warned.

“Ouh, Danni is in trouble!” Meggy grinned.

Danni stuck her tongue out at Meggy and caused her to giggle.

“Behave.” El told them with a smile.

She moved away and went upstairs finding Roman asleep on the bed. She moved to lie with him and heard him sigh in his sleep as he put his arms round her.

“Love you.” She said to him and saw a smile on his face.

He awoke a while later and she was still in his arms.

“Hey.” He murmured.

“Hey yourself.” she grinned.

“I should go do something about dinner. How long have I been asleep?”

“About an hour.” She smiled. “I left the children doing homework so no doubt Meggy has been sitting in front of the tv with Danni for the past 30 minutes.”

“What are we going to do about her? She hates school.”

“Boarding school or military academy.” El said. “Bit of discipline for her.”

“Yeah I can see her going for it.”

He moved and sat up adjusting the pillows and sitting back on them. She moved with him,

“I don’t know whether it’s her laziness or she is like Mike and is bored by the work.” El grinned. “I keep seeing her show some real genius and then she just doesn’t bother. She can get the marks she just doesn’t care.”

He nodded.

“Maybe if we give her rewards to see if..” he began and saw El shake her head.

“The others should get rewards too because they do get the marks. If Sammy gets anymore gold stars I’m going to have to wear sunglasses when I check his schoolbooks.”

He chuckled.

“True the boy takes after his dad.” Roman said proudly.

“How would you know you’ve never met him.” El said a wicked expression on her face.

Roman looked at her for a long moment before he gave a slow smile.

“I love it when you joke about being unfaithful.” He said grouchily.

She chuckled.

“How is Martha these days?” she asked him.

“ha ha.” He muttered and swung his legs to the floor.

She stroked his back and moved off the bed herself.

“We should have a talk with her.” he decided.

“Who Martha?” she muttered, thinking that she’d rather play with a rattlesnake than talk to her.

“No, Meggy.” He said quickly giving her a look.

“Ok but won’t do much good.” She murmured. “She’s is stubborn like…” she paused. “Both of her parents.” She finished and grinned at him.

She walked round the bed and put her hand out to him.

He took hold of it and tugged her onto his lap.

“I love you.” He said to her.

She smiled and put her arms around his neck.

“I love you too. My hero husband. My lover. My soul mate.” She murmured softly kissing him.

“I’m not much of a lover at the moment.” He sneered at himself.

She looked at his face.

“Hey.” She said.

They hadn’t made love for the best part of a year it had begun when she was ill and seemed to build up into a problem. His problem, he thought with a sneer.

He shook his head.

“Sorry.” He muttered.

“Are you going to start beating yourself up again?” she asked him.

He shook his head.

“Good.” She told him and kissed him. “Not what is it you used to say, I’m happy with a kiss and a cuddle.”

He smiled but it was brief.

She shook her head and stood up pulling his hand until he stood up and she led him downstairs.

“Daddy.” Sammy greeted him.

He picked up his son and walked over to the table where Sophie and Georgie were before putting Sam back on the floor.

“Hello.” He said to them.

“I have maths.” Sophie said to him.

“Me too.” Georgie added.

He groaned.

“I think Mummy should be the full homework checker.” He said to them but he sat at the table and helped Sophie first then Georgie. Meggy came running in and stopped and looked at them.

“Oh.” She said.

“Homework.” El said to her.

She sat back at the table and El sat nest to her and looked at her books. She saw untidy handwriting and crossings out. She read a passage Meggy had written for English and grimaced where the characters name changed halfway through a paragraph.

She sighed as she looked through the book seeing incomplete’s.

“Meggy, we were going to sit down and talk to you about your homework and your schoolwork but after seeing this I am really disappointed.” El told her. “So here is the deal. No more homework.” She said and saw Roman looking at her. “You will have extra chores to do around the house instead.”

Meggy looked at her.

“That’s not fair.” She shouted.

“The choice is yours. You can speak to Daddy and me tonight at bedtime about this.” She told her.

El stood up from the table and went over to her sullen daughter and kissed the top of her head.

She moved into the kitchen and made a coffee before sorting out the dinner.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Chapter 40

Ella sat opposite Rachel in the doctor’s office.

“Congratulations Ella.” She murmured after a minute. “Your blood cell count is normal. The cancer is in full remission. We have reviewed the results and want to reduce your meds.”

El grinned.

“Thank you.” She said.

“Now what is the problem?” Rachel asked.

El’s head shot up.

“How did you know?” she muttered.

“Call it intuition and the fact I caught you crying when you were sitting on the beach the other day. You hid it afterwards but you still seemed upset when we had lunch.” Rachel referred to the weekly girlie lunch Ella shared with Rachel, Leah and Irene.

“I don’t know that I can talk about it.” she murmured.

“You need to talk to someone because stress isn’t good for you.” She pointed out.

El looked down.

“What would …” El tried to find the right words but they refused to come to her. She looked at Rachel’s calm unfaltering gaze and burst into tears.

“El.” Rachel said moving round the desk and sitting next to her. She reached to the desk and picked up the box of tissues putting them within easy reach for El.

She grabbed a tissue and wiped at her eyes.

“It’s been 14 months.” She said and looked at Rachel. “Since my husband made love to me.”

Rachel nodded.

“And I’ve been in remission for 8 months.” She carried on. “It’s not like he doesn’t want me or that we haven’t tried.”

Rachel reached over and took hold of her hand.

“But?” she encouraged.

“Well it.” she blushed. “Doesn’t work. Not for long anyway.”

“Are you trying to tell me that he has a problem?” Rachel asked.

El nodded.

“And it works but it doesn’t last very long?” she asked obliquely.

“Not long enough.” El muttered and blushed again.

Rachel nodded her understanding.

“I take it he can’t come and see me?” she asked.

“He can’t talk about it with me,” El murmured. She lifted her head up and looked at Rachel. “You know about the swimming pool?” she asked her.

Rachel nodded.

“Well he started by going into the paddock and just digging. It was never going to be a swimming pool he just needed to do some physical labour because he wanted to get rid of his anger. He doesn’t sleep. Still. Spends most of the night watching me. And I can’t get him to open up and talk about it.”

“Sounds as though he really does need to talk to someone.” Rachel murmured.

El nodded.

“Just you try and suggest it.” She said.

“Not receptive to the idea.” Rachel said.

“You better believe it. I thought you know talking about the insomnia and the other stuff without mentioning the other thing might be ok but he won’t even do that.”

“Not even to you?”

El took a look at Rachel and burst into tears again.

“I’ll take that as a no?” she murmured.

She shook her head unable to talk for a moment.

When she looked up she caught a glance at the time.

“Dammit.” She groaned. “I’m late and I’ve been crying he’s going to put two and two together and think the worst.”

She dragged another tissue and rubbed at her eyes.

“You’re making it worse.” Rachel said to her.

El groaned again.

“Why don’t you go to the ladies and splash cold water on your face?” She suggested to her. “I’ll have a think about what you’ve told me and see what I can suggest.”

El nodded and stood slowly.

Rachel stood too and gave her a hug before she walked out of the office. She went straight to the ladies and looked in the mirror. She hated seeing the dark circles round her eyes and the hollow cheeks and the short hair. They screamed illness at her. She reached in her bag for foundation and after splashing cold water on her eyes to reduce the puffiness she replenished her make up. She ran a hand through her hair and decided that she was going to grow it again. She had said she would wait but she needed to get back to being herself. She checked again in the mirror before leaving the sanctuary of the ladies room and heading to the diner.

“Hey.” Roman called to her from the kitchen. “Out in a minute.”

She grinned at him as she moved to the sofa and sat down.

He came over and kissed her slowly before sitting next to her.

“So?” he asked.

She smiled.

“Normal cell count. They are reducing my meds.” She looked at him and saw the relief in his eyes. “Hey, were you worried?” she asked.

He nodded.

“A little.” He said sinking on to the sofa beside her.

She reached over and took hold of his hand.

“So maybe we can talk about a holiday now? A few days away?” she said.

He shook his head.

“I can’t really go now.” He denied.

She pulled her hand away.

“El?” he murmured.

“I’m not suggesting that we discuss anything in particular. I just wanted to spend some time with you.” She said. “Now I need to go pick up the children. I’ll see you at home later.” She murmured and stood pressing a kiss to his lips before leaving.

Roman watched her go a worried look on his face.