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Everything posted by TelephotoMarigold

  1. ^^ This is neither helpful or constructive. Rules of writing say that a first chapter should introduce us to the story. Stephen King, William Faulkner, Lewis Carroll, and Frank McCourt are just a few of the many authors who have written short chapters proving that great length doesn't necessarily mean good storytelling. QA is correct, however, in that conversations need to be laid out differently, so that would mean you'd have to write your story like this. "Hey love," Irene said happily as she walked into the house with the shopping. "Hey, Irene," Nate replied warmly getting up to help her. "Did you hear Bianca and the gang are coming back for a few days?" "No way really that's great news," Nate replied with a smile. "Yeah darl, I'm not so sure I can sense something fishy is going on!" Heath, Bianca, and Ricky are sitting in the car on the road. "Did you tell her?" Ricky asked. "I couldn't," Bianca replied. "Well she'll find out soon and I think soon may be too soon," Heath replied. As for plot even with two short paragraphs, we can tell there are characters returning who may not be welcome, or something else is going on. To expand on what you've written think about adding in details about where they are, for example, we know Irene lives in the Beach house but does your reader? Why is Nate there? We know he's her lodger but think about what you can tell a reader who maybe is new to Home and Away. Other points to think about: What kind of car are they in, what colour is it, who's driving? How long have they been travelling? Are they looking forward to seeing anyone when they return to the Bay? Another thing you can add in is how the weather is. Is it hot and sunny, is it too hot for example? Irene could perhaps start the conversation with Nate by saying, "Hey, love," Irene said happily as she walked into the house with the shopping, "Blimey, it's so hot out there I thought my eggs were going to fry before I got them home!" To which Nate could reply. "Hey Irene," Nate replied warmly getting up to help her. "I was just about to head out for a swim down the beach myself." Then in the next line, you can have Irene tell Nate about Bianca coming back. Adding detail about where the characters are and what they are doing is something called 'Scene Setting'. I'm sure you've read a story where you see a picture in your head of what is happening in the story, like almost a mini movie playing. That is what you want to aim for so put as much detail in as you can. I've sent you a message to say I'm happy to help you with your story. I think you have the makings of an interesting plot and I would like to see where you are taking the story. Look forward to reading more.
  2. I like your profile update... looks good! 

    1. pembie


      Thank you had help from a magical online fairly though That has just worked wonders

  3. Just wanted to say sorry and goodbye. I wish you all the best guys. Keep going, it does get better. x
  4. You know what - if you are shelling out $300 for a service then for that to tell you the same thing you've heard before would be a s**t service. You know you are depressed and have anxiety issues it's been diagnosed before - so tell whoever your next shrink is that "you want positive action to address the problem not meaningless platitudes or being fobbed off with medication." Feel free to quote that. In fact I insist. People with mental health issues often don't have a voice. We're fobbed off. Ignored. Misled. Given pills because they think that is the "quickest" way we can get better. Pills don't work with everyone so don't settle for someone telling you just to take magic tablets. You are paying therefore you're the customer and they need to provide the service. If you tell yourself anything, tell yourself you are worth taking the time to listen too. That's why I come to the support group. Because someone is usually listening. You say you like drawing and writing. There are any number of courses you can take to improve on them. Online courses so you don't have to go to college. Look into them and see what is about. Over on Wattpad there are usually competitions that you can enter stories into - including Fan Fic. Have a look. The best thing about writing is that it gives you an escape from your real world problems. I gave one of my characters a tonne of mental health problems in my story 'Bound by Fear, Rescued by Love' and it helped knowing I could write about the worst things but have my character see through them and get better. Because there is always a better if we allow ourselves to know it, to trust it, to look for it. Do you need to start looking for the 'better'? My Mum died in 2014. It was the worst thing in the world. I haven't said goodbye to her yet and I worry about my Dad being alone and so far away. At the same time I lost two of my cats, I'd had them for 14 years. It was a hell of a time. Since then, everything has broken in me but I'm still here. Still here.
  5. According to the council even though I am homeless because I don't have "kids" I'm not a priority. I've been trying to get social housing for a year. I've been trying to get private rentals for a year. Most places either do not accept housing benefit or they say their landlord insurance doesn't cover it. I'm stuck. I have no money. What money I do have goes to cover storage costs for my furniture and things. Which brings me to this.... the money I was going to use to pay this months storage costs I've had to use to pay for my cat to get to the vet. I have three cats, at first they went from cattery to cattery as I struggled to get anywhere in the system. Then a woman said she'd foster them for me, only turns out she was planning to charge me £24 a DAY! I only found out when she sent me a text saying I owed her £1700.... On top of this she accused me of not 'caring' about them. She said one of them had to go to the vet because they had a food allergy and could only have food that cost £40 a month. I then received a text from her tell me she was going to keep them. I wrote her a letter in response saying I was going to get them back off her and her response to this was to "dump" them on me 6pm one night when I didn't have food or anything. The owner of the place where I'm staying is allergic to cats so my lovely moggies are now living in a shed in the garden. Of the three, Mystic was completely feral when I got her back and you couldn't even get near her to stroke her. There is no sign of any of them needing a "special" diet.... although they were so overfed that I've had them on diets! I have one bag of my clothes with me, I've had to buy things from charity shops to top up my wardrobe. It's hard to go on job interviews when you aren't wearing the smartest outfit you could. Last year I was asked if I wanted to go to a book signing. Although I had doubts due to my "situation" I said yes and actually started looking forward to it. They then booked tickets for themselves and SOMEONE else before posting that on Facebook. They were so overjoyed they were going they "forgot" that I could see their Fb posts especially when they were posting about all they stuff they were going to do with their new friends. Even though I still wanted to go I pulled out and it honestly felt as bad as when my ex cheated on me, an ongoing betrayal. Even worse when they were going to meet up with these friends in my HOMETOWN, when every other comment and every conversation was about how excited they were to be going. The weekend of the book signing because I'm friends with a lot of authors that were there my newsfeed is jammed with pictures. I just can't get away from it They (the friend) just don't seem to care how much it hurt and now each conversation is nothing because if they cared they would know I've forgiven them hundreds of times for hundreds of different reasons and I'd also forgive them this when it stops hurting. Still, with life carrying on (unfortunately), I start putting together a collection of poetry to publish. I'm also editing another collection and taking on some editing work. I show this friend my prospective cover artwork. In fact they are the only person I show because I'm trying to reclaim our friendship, and they respond by telling me how awful it is. It takes me a month before I can even look at the cover again without crying. Something I was so proud of achieving, something I was looking forward too. It's compounding inside me, and I'm ever surprised at just how much pain a person can stand. I've done the counselling and the anti-depressants. In fact I had to stop taking them because I couldn't afford the bus fare to actually go and see my doctor. At my lowest point I reached out to the Samaritans. Labelled the night of cheap wine and tears it suffuses into darkest memory. I'm still here. Today my nephew tells me he and his long term girlfriend are expecting a baby. They are 12 weeks along and have just had a scan. I'm supposed to be happy but my longest pregnancy was 11 weeks and if that baby had screamed into the world... the council would have given me a place to live right now. So yeah. Here I am again.
  6. This story will be finished. A new chapter will be up by the end of the week.
  7. Just found out one of my old friends died last night. Really don't think that I can cope with anything else.
  8. How do I make £11.26 pay my credit card bill, buy food and top up my phone ... and last until next Tuesday when I get paid again?
  9. I'm homeless. People have let me down. I have no money. I've got nowhere to turn anymore and I can't see a way out.
  10. Just wanted to say goodbye.
  11. I've only used my laptop and I have to re-enter the passwords all the time.
  12. Other stories? Like 'Remembrance of Time' which is the follow up to this one?
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