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TelephotoMarigold

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TelephotoMarigold last won the day on September 26 2015

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About TelephotoMarigold

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    Not watching just lurking

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    https://teleswordbites.wordpress.com/Not-watc

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    Homeless
  • Interests
    Finding somewhere to live....

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  1. ^^ This is neither helpful or constructive. Rules of writing say that a first chapter should introduce us to the story. Stephen King, William Faulkner, Lewis Carroll, and Frank McCourt are just a few of the many authors who have written short chapters proving that great length doesn't necessarily mean good storytelling. QA is correct, however, in that conversations need to be laid out differently, so that would mean you'd have to write your story like this. "Hey love," Irene said happily as she walked into the house with the shopping. "Hey, Irene," Nate replied warmly getting up to help her. "Did you hear Bianca and the gang are coming back for a few days?" "No way really that's great news," Nate replied with a smile. "Yeah darl, I'm not so sure I can sense something fishy is going on!" Heath, Bianca, and Ricky are sitting in the car on the road. "Did you tell her?" Ricky asked. "I couldn't," Bianca replied. "Well she'll find out soon and I think soon may be too soon," Heath replied. As for plot even with two short paragraphs, we can tell there are characters returning who may not be welcome, or something else is going on. To expand on what you've written think about adding in details about where they are, for example, we know Irene lives in the Beach house but does your reader? Why is Nate there? We know he's her lodger but think about what you can tell a reader who maybe is new to Home and Away. Other points to think about: What kind of car are they in, what colour is it, who's driving? How long have they been travelling? Are they looking forward to seeing anyone when they return to the Bay? Another thing you can add in is how the weather is. Is it hot and sunny, is it too hot for example? Irene could perhaps start the conversation with Nate by saying, "Hey, love," Irene said happily as she walked into the house with the shopping, "Blimey, it's so hot out there I thought my eggs were going to fry before I got them home!" To which Nate could reply. "Hey Irene," Nate replied warmly getting up to help her. "I was just about to head out for a swim down the beach myself." Then in the next line, you can have Irene tell Nate about Bianca coming back. Adding detail about where the characters are and what they are doing is something called 'Scene Setting'. I'm sure you've read a story where you see a picture in your head of what is happening in the story, like almost a mini movie playing. That is what you want to aim for so put as much detail in as you can. I've sent you a message to say I'm happy to help you with your story. I think you have the makings of an interesting plot and I would like to see where you are taking the story. Look forward to reading more.
  2. I like your profile update... looks good! 

    1. pembie

      pembie

      Thank you had help from a magical online fairly though That has just worked wonders

  3. Hi. I was just wondering what your name is? You mentioned my Facebook page in a thread and I didn't realise that you were on mine. 

     

    Cheers, Sunny Girl

    Kate ?

  4. Just wanted to say sorry and goodbye. I wish you all the best guys. Keep going, it does get better. x
  5. You know what - if you are shelling out $300 for a service then for that to tell you the same thing you've heard before would be a s**t service. You know you are depressed and have anxiety issues it's been diagnosed before - so tell whoever your next shrink is that "you want positive action to address the problem not meaningless platitudes or being fobbed off with medication." Feel free to quote that. In fact I insist. People with mental health issues often don't have a voice. We're fobbed off. Ignored. Misled. Given pills because they think that is the "quickest" way we can get better. Pills don't work with everyone so don't settle for someone telling you just to take magic tablets. You are paying therefore you're the customer and they need to provide the service. If you tell yourself anything, tell yourself you are worth taking the time to listen too. That's why I come to the support group. Because someone is usually listening. You say you like drawing and writing. There are any number of courses you can take to improve on them. Online courses so you don't have to go to college. Look into them and see what is about. Over on Wattpad there are usually competitions that you can enter stories into - including Fan Fic. Have a look. The best thing about writing is that it gives you an escape from your real world problems. I gave one of my characters a tonne of mental health problems in my story 'Bound by Fear, Rescued by Love' and it helped knowing I could write about the worst things but have my character see through them and get better. Because there is always a better if we allow ourselves to know it, to trust it, to look for it. Do you need to start looking for the 'better'? My Mum died in 2014. It was the worst thing in the world. I haven't said goodbye to her yet and I worry about my Dad being alone and so far away. At the same time I lost two of my cats, I'd had them for 14 years. It was a hell of a time. Since then, everything has broken in me but I'm still here. Still here.
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