-g-l-a-m-o-r-ous- Posted June 7, 2009 Report Posted June 7, 2009 Website we all know and love? Well, at least, I do. The website fmylife.com So how about a topic thread dedicated to all the lovely, and not so lovely, posts on FML that truly, make you happy about your life at the moment (in comparison to some of these people's problems). Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
.Cat. Posted July 17, 2009 Report Posted July 17, 2009 Hahaha I may just be easily amused but I love that site so much. Some of my favourites - Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML Today, I dropped my keys. Not wanting to lean over and pick them up, I pointed at them and said "Accio." Then I realized I had tried to use a Harry Potter spell in real life and in public. FML Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML Today, through AIM, I told my ex boyfriend that I still have really deep feelings for him. The message I sent him was really long and took me almost an hour to write. His response? "Dun dun dunnn, the plot thickens!" Then he signed off. FML
Traceve Posted July 19, 2009 Report Posted July 19, 2009 Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML Today, I went to a club with my friends. I told my mom that I was going to come back home at 3:00 a.m. At 3:15 a.m., my mom comes to the club, with 2 cops, wearing pyjamas, shouting my name and telling me to come back home. FML Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
MissOlivia22 Posted July 19, 2009 Report Posted July 19, 2009 Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML - Hahaha
-g-l-a-m-o-r-ous- Posted July 23, 2009 Report Posted July 23, 2009 ^^ those ones are hilarious! Loving the Harry Potter ones! Here are some new ones! Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML Nightmare... Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML OUCH! Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML Awkward...
valli Posted August 1, 2009 Report Posted August 1, 2009 Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML I feel bad for laughing at some of them
defying_gravity Posted August 2, 2009 Report Posted August 2, 2009 Today I sent my ex a picture of me and my new boyfriend in bed. He sent the picture to my dad. FML
-g-l-a-m-o-r-ous- Posted October 8, 2009 Report Posted October 8, 2009 This is kind of weird in relation to current home and away stories: Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
Barbara Posted October 8, 2009 Report Posted October 8, 2009 ^ How weird! The difference being that Ruby actually likes Charlie. I feel bad for laughing at some of them A lot of posts on FML make me smile or laugh and most of the time, I feel bad for the person. And can I just say that there are some weirdos on this planet.
ciararonnie Posted October 8, 2009 Report Posted October 8, 2009 Today, while working (I'm a nurse) I had a patient come in who required an IV. Coincidentally, he had a tattoo of a woman sitting spread eagle, naked, on his arm. I had to put the IV needle directly into her vagina. FML
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