And Just like That - Everything Changes

[KirstyEkua]

Thanks again everyone for all your lovely comments and encouragement

I really apperciate you taking the time to read and write comments for me. I always say this but honestly it means so much to me you're enjoying it, so thanks so much You're awesome hehe

This is a bit far fetched, but hey it's a story so why not And sorry it's kinda long. I got a bit carried away.

‘Jimmy,’ Rachel looked up at him, stunned. It took a few seconds for her brain to process the fact that he was standing in front of her, smiling, gazing down, his eyes on her face. He turned around and locked the door, his shoes squeaking as he moved his body.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked incredulously. She desperately glanced around the bathroom for something to wear, trying to act as normal as possible. She didn’t want him to know how terrified she was. By keeping a sense of normality, she prayed Jimmy wouldn’t do anything stupid.

‘I’m here to see you Rachel,’ he said calmly. ‘I’ve missed you. I need you to help me. My medication it’s not helping me.’

‘So you followed,’ she shook her head, unable to make sense of the situation. ‘You knew I was going to be here?’

‘I live here now. I have a job here, isn’t that great? When I saw you were coming here I was so excited. I told everyone my friend was coming. I thought you were coming to see me.’ His voice got louder as he wandered around the bathroom, running his hands over the white tiles, knocking over the candle from the shelf.

‘But you came with him,’ he said accusingly. ‘I can’t believe you married that jerk Rachel, he’s not good enough for you.’

‘Here,’ he said tossing her one of Tony’s t-shirts and a pair of boxers that were lying on the floor. For once she was glad of his inability to pick up after himself.

‘You need to put something on.’

‘Jimmy you really scared me,’ Rachel said, as she tried to put the clothes on with revealing too much. He was gazing into the mirror, running his hands over the condensation left over from her shower. She buried her head in the top, taking in her husbands scent.

‘Tony’s going to be back any second. He’s going to be really angry at you, Jimmy you need to let me go. No good can come of this,’ she stressed.

‘I just need you to listen to me Rachel.’ He pressed his hands together, stopping directly in front of her.

‘I would never hurt you Rachel, you’re my friend. And you married an old clown. He was never nice to me, not like you are. You deserve better.’

‘But you did hurt me Jimmy. You can’t do this to me and expect everything to be okay. I already explained that we can’t be friends. You were my patient, that’s all. You have to understand that. And Tony is my husband. I love him. We’re having a baby. Jimmy please,’ she pleaded.

She stood up slowly, using the bathtub for support.

‘Open the door Jimmy, and we can deal with calmly okay. I promise I’ll get you the help you need.’

She tried to be professional. She didn’t want her real feelings to come out, worried it would upset him even more. She just needed to keep him talking before Tony came back. God where was he. She figured it had only been minuets since he’d left, even though it felt more like hours.

‘I can’t do that Rachel. You betrayed me. Sent me away to another doctor. She didn’t help me. ’

He grabbed her arm, pushing her backwards.

****************************************************

Tony glanced at the piece of paper in his hand, trying to work out why the name sounded so familiar. Jimmy Crawford. He racked his brains.

‘Thanks mate, just having trouble placing this guy,’ Tony laughed. ‘Maybe my wife will remember.’

As Tony turned to walk back towards the bungalow, it hit him. Jimmy. The colour drained from his face as he ran, the sand flying up behind him.

*****************************************************

‘Rachel?’ he burst into the room, unsure what to expect.

‘Rach,’ he shouted, the panic rising inside him. ‘Are you here?’ He teared around the room, overturning furniture, yanking open closets and cupboards, such was his panic. He wasn’t thinking straight. Oh God if anything happened to her. He just couldn’t comprehend it.

He heard a muffled cry from the bathroom.

He ran towards the door, desperately trying to open it. It was locked. He hands were shaking so much he couldn’t keep hold of the handle.

‘F**k,’ he cried out. ‘Open the f**king door, right now,’ he pounded on it hard.

*********************************************************

Martha giggled as she sat on the edge of the boat, her feet dangling over the side. The water was so clear. The ocean mesmerised her. She looked up and closed her eyes, sighing with pleasure as the sun hit her shoulders and the wind flew through her hair. God she was happy.

‘Martha be careful,’ Jack said seriously, as he walked towards her, pulling her back from the edge.

‘Oh live a little, will you,’ she gently punching him in the chest. ‘It’s so beautiful out here. We should do this every month. Stop you working so much,’ she looked up and him and winked.

‘Oh really.’ He wrapped his arms tightly around her, bending down to kiss her.

Martha woke with a jolt. ‘Jack,’ she muttered. It took a few seconds to realise she’d been dreaming. She glanced around the empty hospital room, at the already dying flowers on the table beside her. She fell back onto the pillows and curled into a ball, hiding from the world. She wished she’d never woken up.

*********************************************************************

‘Jimmy. Stop this. Please.’ Rachel tried to free herself from his grasp. ‘You’re hurting me,’ she cried out at him. He’d pushed her down, forcing her into the sit in the space between the toilet and the bath, her back pushed up against the wall. She’d smacked the side of her head hard, and little drips of blood dripped onto her shoulder and the floor. She pressed her hand against it tightly as her shoulders started to shake. She hated getting blood on one of Tony’s favourite t-shirts. She almost laughed to herself. She couldn’t believe she was concerned over something so trivial. But it helped her cope, if she could just focus on one small insignificant thing, maybe this would stop.

She felt the baby move inside her, its little legs kicking her hard. She placed both hands on her bump, praying to God it was going to be ok. If anything happened she wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

‘It’s ok,’ she whispered. ‘Just go to sleep, please.’ She started to cry, loudly.

Jimmy stood there, just staring. His mind was racing. He didn’t want to hurt Rachel. She was his friend. He told himself that over and over. But she had made him sad when she refused to treat him. He just wanted her to realise how much she meant to him. And he didn’t like Tony. He wasn’t good enough for Rachel. Because that’s what friends did wasn’t it? Made sure they married nice people. Jimmy thought so. He didn’t like seeing her cry. It made him sad too. He looked down at her. He’d never seen her like this before.

The door slammed. Upon hearing Tony’s voice something inside Jimmy snapped. He lunged forward, yanking her head up and putting his hand over her mouth.

‘Shh. He can’t know we’re here. Rachel I’ll be in trouble. The police will take me away. They don’t understand.’ Jimmy’s voice started to shake.

‘No, Jimmy, I promise you,’ she said, struggling to talk. ‘I’ll make sure you’re looked after. You just need to let me go, ok. Jimmy.’ She gazed into his eyes which were clouded with confusion.

They both jumped as the door burst open. For a few seconds all three of them froze. Tony caught his wife’s eye and his heart almost broke. His face crumpled as he saw her shake, the tears streaming down her face. He hated himself for letting this happen. He was supposed to protect her. And their baby.

‘Tony,’ she whimpered. She looked at him, pleadingly.

Before anyone knew what was happening, Tony flew at Jimmy, pulling him off her.

‘What the hell do you think your doing?’ he screamed, punching Jimmy in the face, again and again. He’d lost all control. He was so angry. He grabbed his shirt by the scruff of the neck, pounding his head up against the wall.

‘I swear I’ll kill you,’ He kicked him in the stomach, watching as Jimmy fell to the floor.

‘Stop it, please, stop it!’ Rachel cried out from her position on the floor.

‘Tony!’ she screamed. ‘Enough, enough.’

Jimmy lay on the floor, clutching his stomach and muttering to himself.

Tony stood there, breathless.

‘Don’t you ever touch another hair on her head. Or next time I swear, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.’

He sank to his knees, crawling towards her.

She grabbed him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her onto his knees. He pressed his face into her neck, holding her as close as he possibly could.

‘It’s ok, shh darling, its ok,’ he whispered as he felt her tears on his shoulder.

*******************************************************************

Leah watched as Hugo and VJ ran along the beach, kicking a ball.

‘Mum,’ he shouted. ‘Look at me!’ She laughed as she saw her son take the ball from Hugo, swiftly taking it from under his feet and dribbling it towards her.

She couldn’t believe how much she’d enjoyed herself. Her headache had gone seeing VJ actually smile for once made everything seem a thousand times better.

‘Hey,’ Hugo said as he ran up to her, placing his hand on her lower back.

‘Fancy a milkshake buddy?’ Hugo smiled down at VJ, ruffling his hair. ‘You tired me out.’

‘Only if it’s chocolate. And can I have a burger too. And chips. Please mum.’ He looked up at Leah, an angelic smile on his face.

‘Oh sure why not. Last one there pays,’ she said winking at Hugo. He laaughed and picked up VJ, swinging him over his shoulder, and running up the beach.

‘Hey Alf,’ Leah said as she entered the diner. ‘How is Martha holding up?’

‘She’s ok, got a bit of a bash to the head but she’ll be fine, poor girl. They’re going to keep her in a couple of days though. Think it’s for the best. She started going on about the craziest things.’

‘Oh really, like what?’ Leah asked, concerned.

‘Like she claims she was with Kim when the car hit. Kim,’ Alf laughed.

‘Why on earth would he show up?’

Leah didn’t say anything. Kim. She started to feel queasy again. She thought he’d gone for good after what had happened yesterday morning. Oh God. She ran her hands through her hair. She’d have to go and talk to Martha.

[KirstyEkua]

Aww!!! Omg. I wasn't expecting all those lovely comments, thank you so much *blushes* I'm so glad you all loved it. And were surprised by Jimmy This part is not as exciting sorry and quite Tachel based too, sorry if it's too much!! Again, you guys are my inspiration to keep this going, so thanks to you!

‘Jimmy,’ Rachel whispered, untangling herself from Tony’s arms. She crawled over to him, sitting up on her knees as she gently placed her hand on his back. He was crouched over, hiding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth.

‘Tony go and call an ambulance,’ she ordered, without turning to look at him. ‘Oh God, what have you done?’ She paused, unsure if she was directing the question to Jimmy or her husband.

Tony walked out the bathroom, barely able to comprehend what he’d just witnessed. He stopped for a second and watched his wife tenderly attending to Jimmy, wiping his wounds with some cotton wool she’d found in the bathroom cabinet, and gently talking to him, in her reassuring, patient voice. She never failed to amaze him. One of the reasons he’d fallen so in love with her was her compassion. No matter what people did to her she always pushed that aside and put them first. He failed to understand how she could be so forgiving. It angered him sometimes. He hated she was tending to Jimmy, her brow burrowed in concentration. He wanted to punch the living daylights out of him.

‘Tony, what are you doing?’ she looked at him suddenly, her eyes flashing with impatience. ‘Go get some help will you. Jesus. Don’t just stand there.’

‘Rachel,’ he was lost for words.

‘What?’ Tony, we need to fix this. He’s really hurt.’

‘I’m kind of more concerned about my pregnant wife right now, than the man who attacked her. God Rachel, think of your-self just this once! I don’t actually give a damm about him,’ he glanced at Jimmy in disgust. ‘All I care about is you. When I saw you with him, saw what he was doing to you Rachel, it nearly killed me. I can’t bare it, seeing you hurt. It physically pains me.’

‘Tony…please understand. I can’t just leave him like this. He’s sick. He needs professional help. I know this is hard for you, but try to do this for me. Please. That’s all I can think about right now. Getting Jimmy out of here, if I don’t I’ve failed and I can’t let that happen. But I need you,’ she looked up at him her eyes watering. ‘After this is over I just want to curl up with you and make it all go away.’ She swallowed.

He walked over to her, bending down and holding her hand, rubbing his thumb over it. ‘Okay, okay,’ he reassured her, squeezing her shoulder.

‘I’ll get some help.’ He ran his hand through her hair and kissed her forehead.

‘Thank you,’ she said gratefully.

Jimmy had gone quiet. He had curled up into himself, and was now still, frozen to the spot, in complete shock. Rachel was sitting cross legged, trying to get comfortable despite the hard floor. Her back was starting to ache.

‘Everything’s going to be okay. I promise you.’ Tony murmured into her ear. ‘Can you believe our wedding was only yesterday? I can’t believe how much has happened since.’

‘I know,’ she sighed, feeling like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It amazed her it had only been the previous morning Kim had turned up on her door step.

‘Remember what we were doing this time last night?’ She looked at him and chuckled, trying to bring some light relief to the situation.

‘How could I forget,’ he winked at her before gently kissing her on the lips, his hand gently holding the back of her neck. He pulled her closer, desperate to just hold her. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his middle and up his back. They continued for minutes, ignoring the absurdity of the situation they were in.

‘This is not the time to be doing this,’ she said, half laughing as she pulled away, breathless. She leaned her forehead against his and placed her hands on his chest. They took a few minutes to compose themselves, to catch their breath back.

‘We need to call someone, now,’ she whispered. She looked up, staring into his eyes.

‘I know, babe, I know. I’ll go. It’s going to be alright Rach. As soon as they know what he did to you. I’ll make It be okay,’ he stroked her face with his thumb.

She nodded and tried to smile. ‘I really love you, so much,’ she said quietly.

‘I know.’ He smiled at her sadly. ‘I love you too, more than I’ve ever loved anyone.’

He stood up slowly and walked to the living room, Rachel’s gaze never leaving him.

***************************************************************

‘Hey, how are you,’ Leah said brightly as she entered Martha’s hospital room.

She leaned over and hugged her, wincing at how bony she felt.

‘You look great,’ she said cheerily.' Leah sat down on a chair, pulling it closer to the bed. She was aware of how fake she sounded. She took in Martha's hollow eyes, her dull skin.

‘Oh I’m just fantastic,’ she said sarcastically. ‘My husband is dead, I have nothing to live for and oh, my family think I’m crazy. So yeah, things are pretty wonderful.’

‘Oh Martha,’ she stroked her arm. ‘Things will get better, I promise you. I know,’ she stressed the last point. ‘I know what it feels like to lose someone you love so much.’

‘I just can’t see my future anymore. I was doing so well; at least I thought I was. But at the wedding, it just brought it all back. Seeing Rachel so happy. It just made me realise how much I’ve been kidding myself. I’m not happy Leah. I miss him so much it’s like a physical pain that won’t go away. And then when I ended up here, waking up yet again without him, well, I didn’t want to wake up at all.’

‘Martha, maybe you can talk to someone. It might help. You can’t go on thinking like this.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ She focused straight ahead. ‘Why did you come to see me anyway?’

‘Martha, about Kim.’ Leah took a deep breath. ‘He came to see Rachel yesterday morning, before we left for the ceremony.

‘What?’

‘He turned up, he was pretty messed up, basically said all this stuff to Rachel. But she told him she wasn’t interested and he left. We thought, I don’t know, I thought he’d gone. I honestly thought he’d be too embarrassed to show his face again.’

‘Well he wasn’t obviously.’ Martha twisted around and stared at Leah.

‘Am I just supposed to forget I ever saw him? Pretend I’m crazy? Let everything think oh poor Martha is losing it. Seeing people. Where the hell did he disappear too? I’m guessing he never made it back to the wedding?’

Leah shook her head. ‘No, Rachel and Tony went away on honeymoon. She called me this afternoon to say they’d arrived and everything was wonderful. Tony knows now about Kim and they’ve worked it out. I didn’t tell her about you though. You know how she worries. Martha no one thinks your crazy. You hit your head pretty hard, you were emotional, these things happen all the time.’

‘Yes but this actually happened!’ she shouted, banging her fists against the bed in frustration.

‘Where’s Kim now? He let me get hit by a car and just left me. How can I forget that?’

‘How can you prove he was there Martha? This is just going to cause lots of trouble for everyone involved. Perhaps it’s better like this. We can hope he went back to sort it out with Kit.’

‘He left me Leah, by the side of the road. I can’t forget that. I’m going to talk to the police again. And so are you. If you tell him he was with Rachel that morning there’s a better chance they’ll believe he was there during the accident. I want to sleep now, can you go please,’ she looked sternly at Leah, shutting her eyes tight, desperate to loose herself in her dreams, where she was happy.

*****************************************************

Kim opened the door to the apartment and walked in slowly. ‘Kit?’ he enquired. It was pointless. He’d spent hours on the phone to her, begging her come back, trying to convince her, and himself for that matter, that this is where she should be. He sighed heavily, walking over to the counter and picking up the empty drink bottles. He was making a pathetic attempt to prove to Kit he was everything she wanted him to be. He felt slightly sick at what he’d done with Martha. Leaving her like that. He prayed she wasn’t too badly hurt. Even more so that she wouldn’t remember anything. He just wanted to forget this whole mess and concentrate on his son. He wandered into the bedroom, leaving a trail of empty bottles and crumbs around the tiny rooms. Opening his bedside drawer, he rummaged until he found what he was looking for, tucked away into the right hand corner. He smiled one last time at the tiny picture of him and Rachel making silly faces in a photo-booth, before ripping it into tiny pieces. He watched as the parts slowly fell to the floor, as they become indistinguishable from the rest of the rubbish surrounding him. He picked up his phone. He had to try again.

[KirstyEkua]

So sorry this is late!! I was planning to write it today but i went out last night and didn't feel in the best mood today to do anything And i had to work tonight and didn't get in till late. So sorry everyone.

But i did manage to write something. This is lacking in drama i know but i wanted something a little light hearted after recent events and anyways, plenty of tension/drama to come!! Hope you like it, and good luck in your exam Hattie!

‘Oh my God you didn’t!’ Rachel squealed as she lowered herself into a chair, struggling to digest what Leah had just told her.

‘I did. And I am,’ Leah laughed as handed Rachel a cup of tea, blushing slightly.

‘I can’t believe you’re sleeping with Hugo. Hugo. My nephew, oh this is exciting!’ Rachel proclaimed clapping her hands. She sipped her tea and leaned back, grinning at Leah.

‘So,’ she said, pulling Leah down into the chair next to her, ‘tell me everything.’

‘You seriously want to know everything? About me and Hugo? Is it not a bit icky for you?’

‘What because he’s my family?’

'Well, yes,' Leah said like it was obvious.

‘No way.' Rachel shrugged. 'It’s not like I’ve known him since he was a kid. Come on, all the gory details please. I need something fun to think about. Something else to talk about. If one more person asks if I’m okay I’m seriously going to scream. Or says how sorry they are to hear what happened on my honeymoon. That’s not what I want to remember from it.’

‘Rach you had a pretty big shock. People are just concerned. I was frantic when I found out what had happened.’ Leah placed her hand on top of Rachel’s and gently squeezed it.

‘I know, I know. But it all worked out fine. Jimmy’s getting help and the rest of our honeymoon was pretty wonderful.’ Rachel smiled at the memory, wrapping her hands around her cup. ‘I just don’t see the point of dwelling on it.’ She paused for a moment and looked down, studying the pattern on Leah’s kitchen table, willing her mind to focus on anything but her ordeal.

The police let Tony off with a very sever caution. She blessed her lucky stars he hadn’t been arrested. Thankfully, Jimmy had been surprisingly co-operative. She’d managed to convince them that prison would be the worst place for him and had pulled some strings to get him a place a top psychiatric hospital. She just hoped he was getting the help he needed. Tony of course didn’t understand. He wanted Jimmy locked up. In the end they’d agreed to disagree. Neither of them wanted to have it hanging over them. In the end they’d driven home from the police station in silence, too exhausted to do anything else. The next morning they started afresh and vowed to spend the rest of their honeymoon like newlyweds should.

Rachel looked up at Leah and smiled.

‘Especially when there are other things to think about. Like my best friends new bedroom partner.’ She raised her eyebrows and winked at Leah.

‘Okay, you win.’ Leah threw her hands up in the air and laughed. ‘I think this requires some cake though. Then we’ll talk,’ she grinned happily at Rachel. She’d missed having her around, although it had only been a couple of weeks. Just when her love life had picked up, the one person she’d been desperate to tell wasn’t even in the Bay.

‘So what do you wanna know?’ Leah said, placing a slice of chocolate cake in front of Rachel, her hands on her hips.

‘Was it good? Are you having a relationship with him?’ Rachel picked up the cake with her fingers, allowing the crumbs to fall through her hands.

‘Yes to the first and to the second I honestly don’t know. We’re just having fun I guess.’

‘But you’re happy? That’s what’s important. Maybe fun is ok just now.’

Leah nodded. ‘I actually am,’ she said slowly. ‘When it first happened, the night of your wedding by the way, we were both so drunk I didn’t think anything would become of it. But he stuck around, and he’s great with VJ, which means a lot.’

‘Then I’m happy for you, this is really great.’ Rachel smiled widely at Leah. ‘So the sex is good?’

‘Best I’ve had in ages.’ Leah giggled. ‘It’s good. God you forget how much you miss it after a while. But what about you? I remember being pregnant and sex was the last thing I wanted. I felt hideous the whole time.’

‘Aww really? Luckily I’m the opposite. I don’t know, I feel really great. Tony is always telling me how sexy he finds me. I don’t think he’s being entirely truthful but it’s nice to hear. Actually sex is the thing I’ve craved the most,’ Rachel said laughing. ‘And it’s true what they say. Sex when you’re pregnant is pretty incredible.’

‘Rach,’ Leah laughed.

‘Well it’s true. It’s fun having to be more creative.’ She glanced down at her bump. ‘It seems to get bigger everyday. Honestly. I’m starting to get a little freaked out about the birth. I mean, I’ve delivered babies I know what goes on. And I really don’t want to resort to drugs. The bad thing about being a doctor is i know what really goes on during childbirth.’

She made a face of disgust at Leah and shuddered. ‘It’s not really that painful is it?’ she laughed nervously, playing with the rings on her left hand.

‘It’s um, it’s… You know once they place your baby in your arms you’ll forget all about it. You’re strong Rach, you’ll sail through.' Leah spoke quickly. She leaned forward and kissed Rachel on the forehead, rubbing her arm reassuringly before jumping up from the table.

‘More tea?’ she enquired, desperate to change the subject.

*********************************************************

‘I actually have plans already,’ Martha said down the phone, trying to sound cheerful. They weren’t to know that her plans involved curling up on the sofa alone with a huge tub of ice cream and a dvd.

‘Yup,’ she nodded, trying to sound convincing. ‘I’m doing fine, really. I’ve been taking it easy since the accident you know. I have dinner plans tonight. But maybe we can catch up next week?’ She twirled the cord around her fingers, desperate to end the conversation. She wondered if it was obvious she was lying through her teeth. The thought of spending the evening with someone whose biggest problem in life was finding shoes to match her latest new dress make her feel angry. And then she ended up hating them for being so shallow. It made her feel slightly sick.

As soon as word got around friends she hadn’t talked to in months suddenly started calling, showing up on her door step to take her out to lunch. She detested their sympathetic looks and hated them feeling sorry for her. They didn’t bother after Jack died. But because of a stupid car accident they’d suddenly decided now was a good time to show up and play at being the caring friend. It made her so bitter. They didn’t have a clue. As soon as she gave them a smile and mentioned her husband dying they soon froze and eventually left her alone. She found it quite satisfying, having that kind of power.

Leah had been on her back for the past week, asking her to keep quiet about the Kim situation. In the end she’d given up. She’d passed caring if people thought she was crazy. In the end it didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t want to upset Rachel and Tony anymore after the craziness of their honeymoon but it was killing her.

She flopped down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. She turned on the dvd player, a smile spreading across her face. He stared back at her, his face taking up the whole screen. She laughed as he turned away from her, and the wedding march started. ‘Oh Jack,’ she whispered, as she was overcome with a rush of loneliness.

**************************************************

Tony hung up the phone, smiling to himself. He hoped Rachel would be happy. He was pretty pleased with himself. It had been bugging him for a while now and he’d been desperate to do something about it. He couldn’t wait to see her face when he told her. He set the table, putting candles out and then he started flicking through the cd’s for something romantic. His heart skipped a beat as he caught sight of one of their wedding pictures. He loved how she still did that to him. Even thought it’d been almost two years since they’d first gotten together, she still possessed that ability to make him go weak at the knees. Lost in thought he didn’t hear the door open. Rachel sneaked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle.

‘Hey you,’ she whispered. ‘Hope you didn’t miss me too much,’ she turned to face him and placed a kiss on his lips.

‘A little,’ he admitted, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her again. ‘Did you have fun with Leah?’

‘Yes, it was really lovely to just hang out. God I have major news for you, you’re not going to believe this,’ she said excitedly as she took his hand and led him to the kitchen.

‘I have something to tell you too, something pretty amazing actually,’ he looked down at her and smiled widely. ‘Come on, let’s have dinner first.’

‘What did I do to deserve you, huh?’ she said playfully, placing her hand on his chest.

Tony smiled, elated. He only hoped she’d be as pleased as he thought.

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you again everyone, you're comments mean so much. Really glad you're all enjoying it so much!!

This chapter is a little shorter than usual, and purely Tachel based. I wanted to give you guys something so i decided to see how far i could go and this was it. It'll continue in the next chapter though. Hope you enjoy it, tell me honestly, hehe.

Thanks again, your replies are what keeps me going

‘This is really good, I’m impressed,’ Rachel smiled as she swallowed a mouthful of pasta.

‘Well at least one of us can cook,’ Tony said teasingly.

‘Hey be nice. And don’t come crying to me next time you need your hand stitched up or a new kidney,’ Rachel said laughing and she turned to look at him.

‘Aww babe you know I love you despite your cooking skills. You more than make up for it.’

‘Good,’ Rachel giggled as Tony leaned in and gently kissed her.

‘So,’ she said, keeping her face close to his. ‘What’s my surprise?’ She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck.

‘Well,’ he leaned back, removing her hands from his neck and bringing them down to the table. ‘You know how a few months ago you mentioned how you’d like to find out about your dad?’

‘Yeah,’ Rachel stared at him, an uneasy feeling beginning to rise in the pit of her stomach.

It was true she’d started to wonder about her father a bit more, especially being pregnant. She had thought about trying to get in touch again, mostly because there was just so much she wanted to, needed to, say to him. But then she always saw her mothers face, smiling lifelessly from her favourite chair at her nursing home, and then again when she died and there was nothing she could do. However irrational it was, she blamed him for her death, and she didn’t think she’d ever been able to forgive that.

‘Well,’ Tony cleared his throat. He started to feel nervous. She wasn’t smiling anymore.

‘I did a little bit of investigating, made a few calls and well, here.’ He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and pushed it towards her. ‘It’s an address and phone number. ‘Apparently he spent a few years behind bars, turned himself in. Now he’s living on a farm, doing pretty well by the sounds of it.’

‘I don’t believe this,’ she said slowly. She pushed her chair back, the legs scrapping the floor.

‘You don’t have to do anything about it Rach. It was just something I wanted to do for you. I got the impression you wanted to get in touch again, so the option is there…’ his voice trailed off. He smiled at her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head.

‘I’m just, I’m speechless. No actually, I can’t believe you did this. How dare you? What on earth possessed you?’ she spoke coldly, spitting the words out.

‘Rach, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.’ Tony protested, reaching out for her hand.

‘Don’t,’ she said snatching it away. ‘This was supposed to be my decision,’ she said angrily, ‘not yours to make for me! God what gives you the right to decide what is right for me?’ She stared at him, her eyes blazing.

‘I was just trying to do something I thought you’d like. You were the one who told me you’d like to see him again. And maybe I think it’s important you do. He’s you’re father Rachel.’ Tony pushed his plate across the table.

‘But he’s my father,’ she yelled, ‘mine! I don’t want you deciding things for me. I’m not someone who needs everything done for her. I can’t believe you thought you were doing me a favour. This was something I wanted to do, for me! Now you’ve gone and made the choice for me.’

She stood up angrily and walked into the living room.

‘Rachel,’ he followed her, forcing her to turn around and face him. ‘Calm down. You don’t need to do anything about it.’

‘That’s not the point here and you know it,’ she spat at him, her hands on her hips. ‘You had no right to contact him without asking me first. You do realise what he did to me? He wanted me to lie for him because he was a pathetic alcoholic. He killed my mother, then I find out he had a secret love child. Do you have any idea what that feels like Tony?’ She was screaming now.

He was astounded. ‘Rach,’ he said in bewilderment. ‘You’re way over reacting. Sit down. It’s not good for you going on like that.’

‘Since when are you so concerned,’ she said bitterly. ‘It took you long enough to notice I was pregnant,’ she muttered. The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She looked down at her hands, ashamed. She knew she’d gone too far.

Tony sat down, flopping back against the couch. ‘That’s not fair Rach,’ he spoke quietly, not looking at her.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.’ She shook her head empathetically. ‘But I’m not sorry about everything else. I’m furious. What the hell were you thinking?’

She stared out the window. It was such a beautiful night. The stars twinkled in the sky and she could hear the gently chirping of the crickets though the open window. She sighed, suddenly exhausted.

A knock at the door startled them both.

‘Got another surprise for me,’ she said sarcastically as she moved to open the door.

‘After tonight I don’t think I’ll ever do anything for you again, you know that.’ He clutched a cushion to his chest, resting his chin on it.

‘Brad, Oh My God!’ Rachel stood in the doorway, shocked. ‘What are you doing here?’

[KirstyEkua]

Sorry this took so long but i hope you all enjoy it!! And thank you again for being such amazing fans. Your comments are my inspiration and i reallly apperciate every single one of them so much. So thank you, muchos and muchos!!!

Just a little wraning this chapter contains issues of self harm. Nothing too violent but just to let you know. Please let me know what you think, whatever it may be. Thankies.

‘Am I not allowed to come and see my little sister without an ulterior motive?’ Brad laughed as he pulled Rachel towards him and wrapped his arms around her.

‘No, it’s just been ages. I’ve so missed you.’ She sighed and rested her head on his chest.

‘Me too. You’ve put on a bit of weight there though sis,’ Brad joked as he walked into the living room and placed his bag on the floor.

‘Hey,’ she playfully punched his arm.

‘No seriously, you look amazing. I can’t wait to meet the little one. Mum would have been so proud.’ He smiled at her before turning his gaze to Tony.

‘Congratulations mate. You’re one brave man taking on Rachel,’ he laughed as he shook Tony’s hand, forcing him to stand him.

‘Everything ok? I haven’t turned up at a bad moment have i?’ he asked nervously, looking from Tony to Rachel.

‘No, no everything’s fine,’ Rachel forced a smile. ‘Hey let’s go to the diner for coffee, everyone will be surprised to see you again.’

‘I’m actually pretty tired Rach, it’s been a long journey. I was kinda hoping we could talk here. Don’t tell me you still can’t make a decent coffee.’ He laughed, desperately trying to ease the tension.

‘I just really need to get out of the house. You don’t have to come, it’s your choice.’ She shrugged and turned away as she felt Tony’s gaze on her.

‘I guess I could manage a few,' he said quickly, noticing the urgency in his sisters voice. 'It’ll be nice to see everyone again. Right see you later then mate,’ he turned to Tony, ‘unless you want to join us. It’d be nice to hear all about the wedding and everything.’

‘No, you two go. You need to catch up without me sticking my nose in. Maybe we can go surf or something tomorrow,’ Tony smiled weakly.

‘Sure, ok, sounds great.’

‘Let’s go then. You can drive since I can’t fit behind the steering wheel anymore.’ Rachel walked out of the door without bothering to glance back.

******************************************************

Martha ran the knife up her arm, digging it deeply into her skin, watching in fascination as drops of blood dripped into the water that surrounded her. It didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. The first time had been an accident. She’d been tidying up, washing wine glasses after having to sit through a torturous evening of sympathetic chat and endless probing. Two friends had randomly showed up from the city, forcing themselves into her house with wine and Doritos. She hated Doritos. The glass had slipped from her hand as she washed it, her thoughts firmly on Jack. Her eyes had been closed when she felt the glass break into pieces. The sudden on shot of pain hurt at first. She’d winced as she’d stepped back, grabbing her arm and trying to stop the blood oozing out. But then a feeling of calm had washed over her. She'd leaned back, enjoying the sensation. Knowing she could control the pain pleased her. It was like a release. She'd picked up another piece of glass and pricked herself slowly, shocked at what she was doing but powerless to stop herself.

**********************************************************

‘So are you going to tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to guess?’ Brad looked at Rachel from across the booth in the diner.

‘I’m not stupid Rach. I saw the looks between you two. That was not of a newlywed couple.’ Brad sipped his coffee, watching as Rachel played with her spoon, dipping it in and out of her tea, her eyes fixated on the dripping liquid.

‘He wants me to get in touch with dad.’ She didn’t bother looking up. ‘No, he actually got in touch with him for me. Got his address and everything.’ She stared at her brother.

‘Wow, Rach that’s pretty huge.’ Brad paused, unsure of what to say next. ‘Maybe it’s not a bad idea. He is our father after all.’

‘What? Are you serious? After everything he’s done. You’re just prepared to forget it? Oh yeah you’re his perfect little boy,’ she rolled her eyes sarcastically.

‘Of course not Rach, but he is our dad at the end of the day. Tony wouldn’t have just randomly got in touch with him without any lead from you surely? And I’m ignoring that last comment. You know how proud dad was of you.’

‘So proud he pretty much disowned me when I told him I wanted to be a Psychiatrist. And wanted me to lie for him, pretty much killed our mother, had a secret love child.' She spoke angrily, banging her cup down and causing tea is spill over the sides and onto the table. ‘And yes I may have mentioned I was thinking about him,’ she admitted, looking down. ‘But that doesn’t give him the right to go ahead and do it without asking me first.’

‘Rachel he’s your husband for God’s sake. He loves you. He probably though he was doing something nice for you. And of course I haven’t forgotten. He’s made some terrible mistakes but Rach, at the end of it all he’s our father. I am curious about seeing him again,' he admitted, holding his breath.

‘I know.’ She suddenly felt like crying. ‘It’s just with the baby and everything it made me realise. I haven’t been allowing myself to think about mum but oh God I so wish she was here.’ She wiped away a tear. ‘And with everything that’s happened, with Jack, I started to think maybe life’s too short to hold grudges. But I don’t think I can ever forgive and forget.’

‘Rach,’ Brad leaned over and took her hand. ‘You don’t have to contact him if you don’t want too. But getting mad at Tony for this is not fair. You can’t be in control of everything all the time. Have you actually talked to him about this?’

She shook her head, her hair falling into her eyes. ‘No, I can’t,’ she said firmly. ‘In comparison my problems aren’t serious. I don’t want him to stress any more.'

‘Rach, come on. He’d hate you hiding this from him. I guess since Jack’s death things haven’t exactly been easy…’ he trailed off.

‘You have no idea. It’s been horrific. You know I hate feeling so useless.’ She laughed half heartedly. ‘You don’t know what it’s like watching the person you love most in the world go through the worst thing imaginable and you literally can’t do anything to help. I don’t know how we got through it.’

‘Well you must really love each other,’ Brad said gently. He smiled at his sister, rubbing her hand.

‘Yeah,’ she swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘I miss him too, you know. Jack. He was such a good mate. When we lived together he was always looking out for me.’ She sniffed and tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘Oh,’ she laughed suddenly as she placed her hands on her bump. ‘The bub chose a great time to wake up,’ she smiled widely at Brad, her heart lifting at feeling her baby move inside her.

‘Oh wow that’s amazing,’ Brad leaned across the table and placed his hands on his sister’s belly. ‘So Tony’s excited about becoming a dad again?’ he looked up at her, noticing the flicker of pain in her eyes before she smiled and nodded at him.

‘Yeah, now anyways. At first he didn’t really seem to care. Not that I blame him at all. Of course I never would. But it was hard. I was so looking forward to doing all the baby stuff. Shopping together, going to ultrasounds,’ she smiled sadly. ‘You know what I mean. Leah was great though, but, it’s not the same. I’d see all these couples and it really hurt, then I’d hate myself for being so selfish, when he’d just lost son.’ Her voice wobbled.

‘That’s understandable Rach. You can’t blame yourself for thinking that way. Hey, come here,’ Brad moved to sit beside his sister wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her face into his chest, her arms loosely around his back.

‘I haven’t even asked you what’s going on in your life,’ Rachel said, her voice muffled. ‘I’m sorry.’ She looked up and him and gave a little laugh.

‘Hmm, let’s see. No girlfriend, job I hate, Tam’s off the rails and i missed my sister’s wedding because of a broken leg. So really not so good,’ he grinned at her.

‘God, the state of us,’ she laughed as a few tears fell down her face.

*********************************************************

‘That was possibly the worst movie I’ve even seen,’ Leah laughed as she opened the front door. ‘Honestly I lost the plot half way through.’

Hugo laughed. ‘It wasn’t that bad. The chick was pretty hot in it, I have to say,’ he smiled cheekily.

‘Oh really.’ Leah walked up to him. ‘Hotter than me? Be careful what you say mister,’ she laughed.

‘Of course not as hot as you,’ he laughed. ‘No one is.’ He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close, and gently kissed her.

*****************************************************************

‘Goodnight. And thanks.’ Rachel smiled as she showed Brad the spare room. ‘Looks like Tony made the bed up for you.’

‘He’s a good man Rach.’ Brad hugged his sister tightly. ‘And you know it takes a lot for me to say that. I have pretty high standards for my favourite sister.’

She smiled. ‘I know he is. And again, thanks.’

She went into her bedroom, closing the door quietly. She undressed quickly, trying not to disturb him.

‘Rach,’ he whispered.

She crawled into bed slowly, struggling to get comfortable as she lay on her side. ‘I’m sorry, did I wake you? I tried to be quiet.’

‘No, no don’t worry. I can’t really sleep until I know you’re here anyways.’

‘I’m sorry Tony.’ She spoke quietly, forcing herself to look into his eyes. ‘What I said to you before was awful. I was way out of line. I know you were just trying to help. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I can’t blame the baby hormones for this can i?’ she let out a little laugh.

‘Hey, it’s okay. I probably shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that. It’s just, you know Rach how important family is. I don’t want you to regret it one day in the future when it’s too late. And, sure, we can blame the hormones.’ He smiled at her and placed his hand on her bump. ‘You’re carrying a baby Rach; it’s a pretty good excuse. I know things haven’t been exactly easy at times but Rach I want you to know I can’t wait for this baby. Our baby. It’s the one thing that’s helping me deal with Jack’s death the most. And you. I know I’ve been a bit of a mess at times, but I’ve never stopped loving you and the little one. I just get so caught up in things sometimes.’

‘I know,’ she ran her hand across his face and in his hair. ‘I think you’re amazing to have dealt with everything as well as you have. I’m proud of you.’

‘You’re pretty amazing too, putting up with me,’ he chuckled at her, running his thumb across her cheek.

‘Hmm I think you got the short straw,’ she laughed quietly. ‘This business with my dad, I’m not mad at you about it. I’m angry at myself mostly. I’m just not sure how I feel about him. I do miss him and I hate myself for doing so because in a way I feel like I’m betraying mum, after everything he did to her. And then I’m thankful she died before she found out about Tam, even though she probably wouldn’t have known anyways. And I hate myself for saying that because it’s terrible.’ She stopped, her voice becoming tearful.

‘Hey,’ he rubbed her arm, snuggling up closer to her. ‘It’s understandable. Anyone would think that way, Rach you have nothing to feel guilty about. I promise you. But I want you to talk to me about this stuff. That’s why I’m here. I hate you thinking you can’t talk to me because of Jack. Because I want you too. Please. Promise. I’m going to start looking after you now,’ he kissed her nose before moving onto her lips.

‘Okay, promise,’ she smiled.

‘Good,’ he kissed her shoulder before moving up to her neck and back to her face, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her close.

‘Tony,’ she giggled and squirmed as he held her tight. ‘Oh God, Oh God,’ she tried to move away from him, her heart pounding.

‘Hmm, you taste so good, I can’t help it,’ he grinned at her before kissing her full on the lips.

‘Oh God, no Tony stop.’ The fear in her voice scared him. ‘Whoa, what’s the matter? Rach?’ He stared at her. She was sitting up, her hands clutching her stomach, her eyes wide.

‘I think my waters just broke. Oh my God. Tony.’

[KirstyEkua]

This is all Tachel, sorry about that!! But I couldn't resist, hehe. And I didn't want to try and write a birth scene because I have no idea how to do it properly, so I skipped it, lol.

This is kinda drama free and mushy, but oh well it was needed I think. Plenty of drama on the way

Hope you all enjoy

‘What?’ Tony jumped up, backing away.

‘Oh God the baby’s coming. Tony it’s time.’ She smiled and laughed nervously as she rubbed her bump.

‘Oh my God Rach we gotta go!’ Tony jumped up off the bed and frantically pulled on a pair of trousers he found hanging over the back of a chair. He ran to the other side of the room, desperately yanking on a t-shirt and pulling socks from his drawer.

'Tony you put your shirt on backwards,' Rachel laughed as she watched him, slightly puzzled.

'Hmm, what?' He faced her, his hair all sticking up and a look of utter terror on his face.

'Nothing, nothing, you look great.' She beamed up at him. He shook his head at her and fell to the floor, much to Rachel's amusement.

‘Pillow, pj’s,’ he muttered as he grabbed a bag from under the bed and stood up quickly. He opened the drawers, pulling garments out and stuffing them in.

‘Tony what are you doing?’ Rachel hadn’t moved from the bed. She sat crossed legs, running her hands in slow circular motions over her belly.

‘What are you doing?’ The panic in his voice rose as he turned to face her. ‘Rach we need to get you to the hospital and you’re just sitting there, what’s wrong with you. Come on.’ He climbed onto the bed, taking hold of her hand. He looked deep into her eyes, trying to urge her to move.

‘We have hours yet,’ she smiled calmly. ‘I need to have a bath, get ready and tidy up the house, it is such a mess.’ She slowly moved off the bed as Tony stared at her in shock.

‘Rach, sweetie,’ he looked up at her, rubbing her hand. ‘You’re about to have a baby, don’t you think we should just go to the hospital? I mean that’s what you’re supposed to do isn’t it. Please, let’s just go.’ He stood up and looked into her eyes, holding her head in his hands. He kissed her softly on the lips.

‘Okay, maybe you’re right,’ she agreed. ‘But I’m not going in my pyjamas.’ She waddled over to the wardrobe as Tony sighed in relief holding his head in his hands. He was scared. He hoped it was a quick birth. He hated the thought of Rachel being in that kind of pain for so long.

‘On second thoughts I think it’s too soon to go,’ she mused. ‘My waters only just broke. I might actually take a bath. You can probably go back to sleep for a bit if you want.’

‘Sleep. Sleep? Are you serious?’ he asked incredulously. ‘I can’t sleep Rachel! You’re in labour. Oh God.’

‘Tony please.’ She walked over to him. ‘You need to stay with me okay? I’m actually terrified and I’m trying to deal with it in the best way I can, so just stick with it. I need you, please.’

As she stood before him, looking vulnerable and scared, his heart melted and suddenly all he wanted to do was protect her. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. ‘I’m here,’ he whispered. ‘I promise.’

She looked up at him and smiled. 'Let's do this.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. Oh my. I can't believe we're having a baby.' Her voice shook.

'Yup, we are.' His heart beat loudly. 'You okay?'

She nodded and took a deep breath. 'We need to leave a note or something for Brad, I don't want him wond - owww! Oh ****, oh my God, Oh Tony,' she cried out in agony as she grabbed her stomach.

'I got you, just breath, breath,' he grabbed her hand and stroked her hair.

'Oh,' she looked up. 'Thank you. Please don't leave me.'

Tony laughed. 'Sweetie, you're stuck with me. I know you can do this. You're incredible. Now let's get going huh?'

'Okay, let's do this.' She squeezed his hand. ' ‘Let’s go have our baby.’

**********************************************************************

It was a girl. A beautiful, tiny girl, with enormous blue eyes and a little button nose. She had wisps of dark hair and a tiny birthmark behind her left ear. Tony couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Rachel look so beautiful. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her as she held their daughter in her arms, tenderly running her hand over her head and kissing her forehead. She was glowing.

She looked up and caught his eye, beckoning him to come in. It amazed him. How you could already love someone so much and know in your heart you’d do anything to protect them. But what amazed and touched him even more was the deep love he felt for Rachel and the incredible woman that she was. That they’d made this child together and that child would forever be a symbol of what they shared. He was so incredibly proud. He'd fallen in love with her all over again, not just as his wife but as the mother of his child.

‘Hey,’ he whispered as he sat on the bed. He kissed her tenderly on the lips and his daughter on the head. ‘My two girls,’ he smiled at Rachel, feeling his eyes well up.

‘Heyy, don’t go all soft on me now,’ she joked. She stared at her baby, unable to comprehend the love she felt for her, barely an hour into her life. She was dressed in an adorable white and pink baby grow, with a little pink hat and booties to match. Rachel gently pulled the pink blanket around her daughter, touching her little nose.

The birth was a blur. She didn’t remember much about it. She knew from experience she was lucky. 5 hours in labour was considered easy. But she’d never felt pain like that. And her pride had stopped her from taking any drugs. She’d done the whole thing on gas and air alone. She was pretty sure she’d said some things to Tony they’d both rather forget - but he had been amazing. He’d never left her side once and constantly told her how amazing she was as he wiped her brow with a wet cloth and rubbed her back. At one point she'd considered getting into a birthing pool, but suddenly she appeared, screaming and kicking her little arms and legs in the air. They'd placed her on her chest, and at that moment her whole life changed. Tony cried as he cut the cord. And then relief washed over her and it hit her she was a mother.

‘Go and see daddy,’ she grinned as she carefully handed the baby over to her husband. She beamed as she watched him, unable to hold back her emotions as he ran his thumb over the little girl’s cheek, staring at her mesmerised.

‘You’re lucky you look like your mummy,’ he turned to Rachel and laughed. ‘She is gorgeous.’

‘She has your eyes, and your ears,’ Rachel sighed with content as she leaned against Tony, suddenly overcome with tiredness.

‘You okay?’

‘Fantastic,’ she put her hand around his back and snuggled against his chest. ‘I can’t believe she’s ours,’ Rachel giggled with wonderment as she carefully ran her fingers over her baby’s chest.

The baby opened her eyes, yawning. ‘Oh my God, Tony, she is looking right at me,’ Rachel exclaimed in amazement, before bursting into tears.

‘Sweetie, what’s wrong,’ Tony looked alarmed. He shifted the baby over to one arm and gently brushed away her tears.

‘Nothing, oh it’s nothing. These are happy tears. Thank you,’ she looked up at Tony. She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘For giving me everything I’ve ever wanted. I love you so much, and I can’t believe we made something so perfect.’

She reached out for her baby and pulled her close, her heart melting.

‘No, thank you Rach. I don’t know where I’d be without you. A hopeless case,’ he laughed in a desperate attempt to stop the tears he could feel forming. It was his turn to be there for her now. ‘I love you, both of you; more than I ever thought was possible. Come here.’ He wrapped his arms around them both, kissing Rachel’s head.

She closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder. Tony let the tears flow silently. He looked at his baby, squirming away in his wife's arms. She had Jack’s eyes.. It made his heart melt. He knew he’d never get over losing his son. But he realised now Jack would always be there, with him somewhere. And perhaps in some way he lived on in his new daughter. Or maybe he was just being silly. It comforted him though and nothing could ever take that away. He rested his head on Rachel’s and closed his eyes, savouring the moment when he knew everything was going to be just fine.

[KirstyEkua]

I'm so incredibly sorry it's late - but here's the next chapter!! It's not the most exciitng but it's just something for just now. I promise as soon as i'm done with Uni (only 5 weeks ) i'll be updating faster than you can read

Thank you so much for being so loyal and sticking with this, it's so appercaited. As are your lovely comments. Enjoy!!

Oh i know it's totally chessy and fluffy and cliched in parts, but oh welll, lol...my dissertation is so serious it's nice to just write like this

She groaned, pulling the pillow over her head to drown out the loud knocking on her door.

‘Martha, Martha love, are you home?’ Alf rapped on the door, gazing through the glass and sighing impatiently.

‘I’m coming,’ she yelled, cursing under her breath. She dragged herself out of bed, picking Jack’s long sleeved dressing gown off the floor and wrapping it tightly around her body.

‘Granddad.’ She sighed and opened the door, running her hand through her hair. ‘What are you doing here, it’s early and I’m not really in the mood for company right now.’

‘Rachel had the baby,’ he grinned broadly, ignoring Martha’s last comment and stepping past her into the living room. ‘Little girl. I’m on my way to the hospital now so though I’d stop by and give you a lift, if you hurry up and get ready. You must be dying to see her.’

‘Wow that’s great,’ Martha smiled, surprised at how happy she suddenly felt. ‘Rachel and Tony must be over the moon.’ She wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself, blocking the feelings of sadness that threatened to wash over her. If she could get through this day without feeling like she wanted to disappear perhaps there was hope for her yet.

*****************************************************

‘Oh Rach, she’s so beautiful.’ Leah cradled the baby in her arms as she squeezed herself onto the edge of the bed. ‘So does she have a name yet?’

Rachel shook and head and glanced worriedly at Tony. ‘No. We didn’t really get around to discussing names, you know, after everything. It just all seems to have happened so fast.’ She leaned back into Tony and sighed. ‘We need to think of something.’

‘Hey, hey, don’t worry about that, there’s plenty of time. He kissed her head and rubbed her shoulders. ‘Right now maybe you should get some rest.’

‘No, I’m fine,’ she leaned over and gently took her baby from Leah, unable to take her eyes off the little bundle in her arms, as she made little whimpering noises.

‘Shh, there now,’ she whispered, smiling as the baby closed her eyes. Rachel sighed with content, looking up at Tony, unable to control the happiness on her face.

‘You did a great job lil sis,’ Brad spoke up from his position on the chair, tucked into far left corner of the room. He’d woken up soon after they’d left, and spent many hours pacing the hospital floor after Rachel pretty much refused to let him see her in that state, as she’d put it. Not that exactly relished the thought. But he was pretty excited. He couldn’t believe he had a niece. He leaned back and smiled, trying to smooth down his rumpled shirt.

Leah looked over at him and smiled. ‘You must be thrilled, huh. Uncle Brad.’ She walked over to him, reaching out for his hand. ‘Come on, let’s leave them in peace and go get coffees or something. You look like you need it.’

‘I’m not going to say no,’ he laughed as he allowed himself to be dragged off his chair, stopping to kiss Rachel on the check on the way out.

‘Lucinda?’ Tony suggested, resting his chin on Rachel’s head.

‘You have to be kidding me right?’ she said with disgust. ‘With a name like that she’ll grow up to be a porn star or something. She shook her head.

‘Janet?’ he suggested, ignoring her last comment.

‘Tony.’ Rachel sighed in frustration. ‘She’s not some old lady, she’s a baby! We can’t give her a name like that, look at her…does she look a Janet to you?’

‘Umm, what do Janet’s look like?’ he said carefully, trying to stop the laughter he could feel welling up inside him.’

‘You’re not taking this seriously are you? How are we going to raise her together if we can’t even agree on a name, I mean Tony this is important and…’ she stopped for breath, blinking away tears.

‘Aww, babe, hey, hey I’m sorry. I can’t help it if my taste in names suck. Come here.’ He pulled her close, kissing her shoulder. ‘It’ll come to us eventually. Don’t let it worry you.’

‘Sorry,’ she smiled weakly. ‘Everything’s just a little overwhelming that’s all. Like she’s here and completely reliant on us for every little thing – it’s scary. What if I’m a crap mum,’ her face crumpled, as if the thought had just suddenly occurred to her.

‘Rach you’re going to be an amazing mum,’ he put his hand under her chin, staring into her eyes. ‘How could you not be? You’re the most incredible woman I know.’ He kissed her softly. ‘Can I have one last chance?’

‘Oh go on then, it can’t be any worse than what you said already,’ she giggled. ‘At least your taste in woman is slightly better,’ she winked at him.

‘Ok, how about Grace? Grace Elaine Holden?’

‘Tony…that’s just…’ she swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘Perfect.’

****************************************************************

‘One double espresso,’ Leah grinned as she handed the takeaway cup to Brad, accidently brushing up against his chest as she squeezed past the line of customers in the queue. She looked up at him and laughed before feeling like she’d be hit by a bolt of electricity. For a crazy moment she thought about what it would be like to kiss him. He was looking at her with a half amused smile on his face, bending down towards her in slow motion. Suddenly he stumbled forward, grabbing onto a chair to steady himself and holding her up by the arm.

‘Ohh,’ she shrieked as she dropped the cups she was holding, watching in despair as hot coffee spilled out and spread all over the floor.

‘Crap, sorry,’ she muttered. She could feel her face flush with embarrassment.

‘Leah, hey, Leah,’ she looked up as she saw Hugo approaching, clutching an enormous pink teddy bear and a bunch of roses. He picked her up and pulled her into a bear hug, kissing her on the way down. ‘How great is this?’ he grinned widely. ‘I’m stoked for Uncle T and Rach.’ ‘You seen her yet?’ he twirled her hair, oblivious to Brad’s presence.

‘Yeah, yeah she’s beautiful,’ Leah said, trying to regain her composure. ‘Why don’t you go and see and I’ll be right there. We’re just getting coffee, it’s been a long night for some of us,’ she glanced over in Brad’s direction.

‘Oh sure, hey mate,’ Hugo raised his hand and smiled before disappearing down the corridor.

‘Shall we try that again?’ Brad suggested, stepping up along side Leah. ‘The coffee I mean?’

‘Of course what else would you be talking about?’

Nothing, nothing at all.’ Brad put his hands in his pockets and looked straight ahead.

********************************************************************************

Martha pulled the cardi tight around her body, ensuring it covered her arms completely. She allowed her hair to fall into her eyes, anything to take attention away from the dark circles under her eyes. She slipped the razor inside her pocket, squeezing her fingers tightly around it.

‘Ok let’s go, I’m ready,’ she announced as she came out of her room, smiling at Alf. ‘Let’s get this show on the road.’

[KirstyEkua]

Im so sorry this has taken me so long. But here is a new chapter! My apologies as it's not very long, just something to get this started again. Thank you everyone for being so loyal and supportive. It means so much. Hope you like this, keep the comments coming

It took all her strength to drag herself out of bed. She felt physically and emotionally exhausted. The past two weeks had gone by in a blur of feeding, changing and interrupted sleep. There was no question she loved her daughter more than she ever thought was possible – but there were times when she thought she was going to go insane with sleep deprivation. Tony, more often than not, slept through Grace’s 3am cries and failed to understand why she didn’t exactly feel like chatting about her plans for the day over breakfast – that was if she even managed to eat before Grace demanded to be fed again.

‘Hey, hey, shh,’ she cooed as she gently rocked her baby in her arms. She looked into her eyes – the watery blue colour that stared back up at her reminded her so much of Tony’s. It amazed her every time. She sank into the couch and held her close, stroking her tiny head with her hand and trying to resist the temptation to close her eyes. ‘Sleep little one, sleep,’ she begged. She sighed and forced herself to sit upright, trying to ignore the faint ticking of the kitchen clock that drove her crazy. The quietness made her want to scream. After what seemed like an eternity Grace’s whimpers quietened until all Rachel could hear was her steady breathing.

She padded back to her bedroom, looking in disbelief as her husband lay in the exact same position she’d left him over an hour ago. She gently placed her in her cot before falling into bed and sighing with relief. Tony stirred and flung his arm around her, burying his head into the back of her neck. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered, ‘she ok?’

‘Hmm she’s asleep for now,’ Rachel said as she pulled the sheet around her.

‘Good, next time I’ll get up, I promise.’ He pulled her closer and kissed the back of her head.

‘Yeah right,’ Rachel sighed. ‘You’d sleep through an earthquake.’

‘Oh haha Rach. Nice to see you can still crack jokes at 4 am.’

‘I wasn’t joking. Now please shut up. I’m sleeping.’

********************

Leah lay awake, staring at the ceiling, her mind whirling at the events of the past few weeks. She found it slightly disturbing but equally thrilling that her best friend’s older brother was lying asleep next to her. And no one knew about it. As far as everyone was concerned, she was with Hugo. This way was better she thought. No one got hurt. Hugo was blissfully unaware she was sleeping with someone else on the side. Leah was okay with that. This way everyone was happy. Brad has been a little dubious. She convinced him her and Hugo were just having fun and had never really talked about being exclusive, so really she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She ignored the little niggling voice in her head that told her it was all going to end in disaster. She felt she was allowed to have a little fun. She turned onto her side, propping herself onto her elbow and gazing at the man lying next to her. She ran her hand over his chest, gazing at his face as he slept, his mouth slightly ajar. She found it cute.

‘What you doing?’ He mumbled without opening his eyes.

‘Nothing, I just can’t sleep. Don’t you think this is a little weird? I mean, you’re my best friend’s older brother.’ Leah giggled. ‘I feel kinda naughty.’

‘But you are,’ he grinned at her wickedly, pulling he on top of him.

********************

Martha pulled at her hair in frustration. ‘Look, I’m telling you, it won’t stop flipping beeping. I have reset it, about a billion times. But it’s not stopped. Do you think I’d be on the phone to you at 4 am if I didn’t really have to be?’

Martha wanted to scream. The smoke alarm had been going off constantly for almost two hours. Her head was pounding. She felt like she was going to throw up if she had to listen to the whiny patronising voice of the call centre worker any longer.

‘Please, I’m begging you. Just send someone round to fix it. I don’t care how much it costs. I just want to sleep.’

‘Unfortunately all our emergency technicians are off duty right now. If you can again after 9am then I’m sure that’

‘What?’ Martha forced herself to count to ten. ‘What’s the point of having a 24 hour help line if there is absolutely nothing you do for me? I’m just supposed to try and sleep with this constant bleeping in my house? All because of some crappy piece of technology the company you work gave to me.’

‘Look, Miss, Miss,’ there was a pause and Martha heard the woman typing on her keyboard. ‘Mrs Holden,’ she said brightly. ‘I’m sorry I can’t help. Perhaps you can get your husband to have a look at it.’

‘I don’t have a husband,’ she whispered into the phone. ‘It’s just me, all alone.’ She fell to her knees, watching as the phone landed with a thud next to her.

[KirstyEkua]

Sorry for the slow update, but hope you like this. And again, thank you so much for all your lovely comments and support. It means so much

‘Rach, hello?’ Martha called as she rapped on the front door. She opened the door cautiously and stepped in to the living room, tugging at her cardi and pulling it tightly around her waist.

‘Oh Martha, hey,’ Rachel appeared from her bedroom, holding a crying Grace in her arms.

Martha gazed at Rachel. Her face was red and blotchy and judging from the dark circles under she eyes she guessed she was desperate for sleep. Grace squirmed and screamed bloody murder as Rachel attempted to shush her.

‘Is this a bad time?’

‘No, honey it’s fine. Please. Sit down,’ she smiled, gesturing towards the chair. ‘Are you okay? I feel like we haven’t talked properly in ages. Right now it seems all I talk about is Grace, breastfeeding, nappies and poop. The other night Tony and I actually didn’t have anything else to say to each other.’ She wrinkled her brow in worry. ‘But that’s normal right?’ Rachel laughed nervously as she sat down on the couch.

Martha smiled. ‘Of course. Once she gets into a routine you’ll be fine.’

Rachel nodded. ‘You’re right. Is there something you wanted to talk about?’

She placed her hands in her lap, nervously playing with the tie on the cushion. She was desperate to talk to someone. That morning she’d caught sight of her scarred arms as she’d gotten out of the shower and she’d almost cried at the sight of herself. She was a mass of bones, her skin pale and flaky. She was tired. The constant crying exhausted her. She didn’t have the energy anymore. It hurt too much to think about him every day and her heart broke every time she gazed at their wedding photos. She wanted to smile again. To feel the sand beneath her feet and laugh. To run into the ocean and feel the water dripping off her body.

‘Actually Rach, I really need help. Every since Jack died I’ve just. You know. I can’t get over him. Not that I want to.’ She took a deep breath and paused; aware she wasn’t making much sense. ‘I’ve been cutting myself,’ she forced herself to say the words, almost surprising herself when she heard them. They came out like a whisper and now they were left hanging in the air. The silence that followed made Martha ache.

‘I’m so sorry what was that?’ Rachel said, not taking her eyes off her baby. I’m trying to get Grace to feed and she just won’t latch on,’ her voice wobbled as she pushed her hair back from her face. ‘Come on sweetie, please,’ she begged as she pulled Grace towards her. ‘I just don’t know what to do anymore,’ she shot Martha a worried glance before turning her attention to the pink bundle in her arms. ‘Come on please, mummy needs you to feed,’ the frustration in her voice becoming more apparent.

Martha blinked back tears as she realised Rachel hadn’t heard a word she’d said. She swallowed and stood up. ‘Look Rach, I’ll come back later. You’re obviously busy right now. It doesn’t matter.’

‘No, Martha. Please. I don’t want to be one of these mothers who only cares about her child.’ Her voice crumpled. ‘I just really need her to feed.’ Suddenly Grace started sucking and Rachel sighed with relief. ‘Oh thank God,’ she smiled and leaned back against the sofa, gently stroking Grace’s hair. ‘Good girl,’ she beamed and looked up at Martha. ‘Okay I’m all yours. So what did you want to talk about sweetie? I promise I wont get distracted. Well not for another hour or two,’ she joked.

‘No Rach it’s fine, I gotta go.’ She quickly kissed her check and gently ran her fingers over Grace’s head, marvelling at the softness of few wispy dark hairs on her head. She practically ran to the door, desperate to be out of sight before the tears fell.

***********************************

‘Hello, Leah, Leah,’ Hugo called out as he let himself in. He wandered into the living room, quietly humming to himself.

‘Oh **** quick, hide!’ Leah whispered urgently as she shoved Brad out of the bed. She stumbled across the room and grabbed his hand, pushing him into the wardrobe. ‘Stay there and be quiet. God if Hugo or VJ sees you! Sorry,’ she mumbled, sounding like it was an afterthought. I’ll try and get rid of him.’

She ran out of the bedroom, trying to flatten down her hair as she did so. ‘Hugo,’ she exclaimed as she bumped into him just as he was about to enter the bedroom. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Just thought I’d bring you and VJ breakfast,’ he leaned down and kissed her cheek. ‘You okay?’ He gazed at her quizzically.

‘Yes, why do you ask? I’m fine.’ She brushed past him towards to kitchen.

‘I was only asking,’ he threw his arms in the air. ‘Geeze Leah, wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?’ He placed the bag of food on the table. ‘Just trying to do something nice for you. You look a little flushed, are you sure you’re okay?’

‘I actually just came outta the shower,’ she filled the kettle up, desperate to avoid eye contact.

‘But your hair’s not wet,’ he said deadpan.

Leah banged the kettle down on the counter and swirled around to face him. ‘If you knew anything about women, you’d know we don’t wash our hair every day just to please some guy. I like it this way!’ she cringed as she spoke, aware of how utterly ridiculous she sounded. ‘And I wanted to take VJ out to breakfast this morning, spend a little mother-son time with him.’

Hugo cleared his throat. ‘Before school? This is the same VJ who barely opens his mouth before lunchtime?’

‘Don’t you dare criticize my son,’ Leah spat the words at him, hating herself for picking a fight with him. ‘Look maybe you should just go, I’ll see you later okay?’

‘Right. I don’t understand what the hell is going on with you, but I hope the next time I talk to you you’re back to being the Leah I know, not this crazy person.’ Hugo shook his head and stormed out of the house.

‘****,’ Leah hid her face in her hands, furious with herself. She hurried to the bedroom, freeing Brad from the closet.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said sheepishly as he crawled out and quickly began pulling out his clothes. ‘It’s just Hugo was there and if he had seen you.’

‘Leah I don’t want to hear it.’ He held his hand up and stared at her, the fury in his eyes scaring her slightly.

‘Look I like you ok. There I’ve said it. I really really like you and actually think we could have something here. I’ve been thinking of coming back to Summer Bay for a while now. Things in Taz are not going so well. And now that Tam is at University there’s no real reason for me to stay there. I want to see Rach more, and my niece.’ He buttoned his shirt, his fingers slipping over the buttons. ‘****!’ he yelled. ‘What’s wrong with this dam thing!’

‘Nothing, here let me,’ Leah walked over to him. ‘You’ve buttoned it up wrong, that’s all.’

‘I don’t want to be your secret Leah. You need to make a choice because I don’t want to do this. I’m too old for playing around.’ He pushed her away and started to walk out of the room.

***********************************

‘Heyy, Rach,’ Tony called out as he walked in the door. ‘I picked up dinner,’ he shouted as he placed takeaway containers on the kitchen table. He loved coming home to his girls. As much as he enjoyed his job there was nothing he loved more than seeing his wife at the end of a long day. His eyes light up as she wandered slowly into the room, a smile on her tired face.

‘Hey,’ she said as she desperately tried to stifle a yawn. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest as he pulled her into an embrace. He kissed her softly. ‘You had a good day?’ He gently ran his hands through her hair.

‘Hmm, yes, exhausting but good. Grace actually slept for more than two hours in a row today, so that’s progress.’

‘Aww good, she’ll settle down soon babe, I promise. You’re doing an amazing job. I’m just gonna go say hello to her then I’ll sort dinner out.’

‘Great, thanks for getting food in. You’re pretty amazing too.’ She grinned at him and sat down, resting her head on the table and closing her eyes.

***********************************

Martha lay down and closed her eyes, letting the bottle slip out of her hands and fall to the floor. It made no noise as it hit the ground, the few pills that were left in the bottom popped out silently and settled on the carpet, next to the empty wine bottles. She blocked out the hum of the TV in the background and hugged the photo close to her heart.

[KirstyEkua]

Thank you everyone. This chapter is a little longer, i'm going to be finishing this up soon before starting a new one, so hope you all enjoy this.

It was a glorious day. The sun sparkled in the mid afternoon sky and the glistening sea illuminated brilliant shades of green and blue as the waves gently crashed on to the beach. Martha walked slowly, enjoying the sensation of sand beneath her toes. She wiggled her feet deeper, laughing as the grains tickled her feet. She made her way to the shore, relishing the thought of the cold water covering her body. Suddenly, the overpowering presence of someone watching her forced her to spin around, almost causing her to loose her balance.

‘Jack,’ she whispered, ‘is that you?’ She squeezed her eyes tightly shut; the rational part of her trying to convince herself it was just a hallucination.

‘Martha,’ he laughed, as he grabbed her hands, ‘of course it’s me, look.’

She opened her eyes and found him staring back at her, a bewildered look on his tanned face. ‘You’re here?’ She shook her head, desperately trying to make sense of everything. ‘I don’t understand. You di -.’

‘Shh. Martha, it’s okay,’ he placed his fingers over her lips and tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind her ears. ‘I’ll never leave you,’ he gently let go of her hand and grinned at her. ‘You’re my girl.’

Relief washed over her. Her stomach did flip-flops. She threw herself at him, pulling his body as close to her as possible, rubbing her face in his chest, gripping him tightly. She breathed in his scent and shivered as she felt his strong hands caressing her back, wishing she’d stripped to her bikini in the moments before she saw him again.

‘Martha, what’s got into you?’ He gently pulled her head up and held her face in his hands, gazing into her eyes with a look of intensity that momentarily scared her.

‘Jack, you’ve you gone for months, you’ve missed so much, Tony and Rach got married, you have a little sister, you missed our anniversary.’ She paused and a tear fell down her cheek. ‘How can you just stand there, like nothing has happened? Like nothing has changed.’ She was angry now. Furious that he didn’t seem to realise what he had put her through.

‘I know all of that,’ he said simply. ‘I was there.’ He shrugged and smiled at her sadly. ‘I’m sorry I can’t offer you a better explanation. But Martha, I’m always here.’

She was stumped. ‘But, but, you..Oh God, ouch, ow, ow, ow,’ she doubled over in pain as she grabbed her stomach. She felt like she was being stabbed, over and over again. Her head started to pound and her heart was racing. Her mouth felt all dry and she was overcome with a feeling of dizziness. She gripped his hand tightly, digging her nails into his palm. ‘I’m scared,’ she gasped, barley able to lift her head up to look at him for the pain.

Her gently rubbed her back and ran his fingers through her mangled hair. ‘Don’t be,’ he whispered. ‘It’s all going to be just fine, I promise.’

Rachel gripped Tony’s hand and squeezed it as she laid her head on his chest in an attempt to muffle her sobs. ‘I should have listened to her this morning. She wanted to talk to me but I was so busy with Grace I didn’t even hear her. God Tony how did it come to this? Why didn’t we notice?’ She gazed up at him, her eyes swollen and red. She shifted a little, trying to get comfortable in the old blue plastic chairs that lined the hospital waiting room – but ultimately failing. Around her, doctors rushed past, barely giving her a second glance. Machines bleeped and distant cries pierced her ears. She managed to swallow a couple of mouthfuls of milky vending machine coffee before throwing it all up again. Her baby lay asleep in her pram next to her, her little arms positioned above her head and her fists squeezed shut.

He stared at her and attempted to smile. ‘Rach don’t do this,’ he used his thumb to wipe away her tears. ‘You just gave birth 3 weeks ago – no one can blame you for having other things on your mind. Heck, none of us noticed she was this far gone,’ his voice broke and he pulled his wife into a tight embrace, letting go of her hand and wrapping his hands around her back.

They both looked up as they heard the quiet creaking of a door opening. They were almost afraid to look up, terrified of what they would know within seconds of eye contact. Sometimes you just didn’t need any words.

Rachel forced herself to look up, almost wishing that she was in Dr Young’s shoes. He smiled weakly. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he stated as he started to walk towards them.

Earlier That Day

Leah drummed her fingers on the counter and sighed. Her head was spinning. Thoughts of Brad and Hugo refused to leave her and had trapped her in a constant state of confusion. Just when she thought she wanted to be with Hugo, Brad would flash through her mind and leave her all feeling all giddy. She was meeting Rachel for coffee soon and had decided to tell her everything. God knows she needed some advice. She was tired of feeling like she was trapped in a teen romantic movie where the outcome was inevitable.

‘Leah?’ Rachel called as she stuck her head into the diner kitchen. ‘You ready? Gorgeous day for a walk.’ After Martha had left a few hours previously, she decided she needed to get out, and Leah’s request for advice was something she didn’t want to refuse. She’d missed her. She’d tried to get in touch with Martha to ask her along too but her phone was switched off. Perhaps she just wanted to be alone, Rachel assumed.

‘Sure.’ Leah pulled off her apron in relief. ‘Can’t wait to get out of here.’

‘Heyy beautiful,’ Leah reached into Grace’s pram and stroked her face. ‘And hey to you too,’ she said as she gave Rachel a quick hug.

‘So what do you have to tell me that’s so urgent?’ Rachel grinned.

‘I’ll tell you in a sec, come on,’ Leah said as she followed Rachel out of the diner.

********************

‘You okay there mate; you seem a little out of it.’ Tony questioned as he helped Hugo lift weights at the gym.

‘Just lady problems. Seriously.’ Hugo shook his head and sighed. ‘More trouble than they’re worth sometimes.’

‘I’m not to sure about that.’ Tony laughed. ‘Rach drives me insane sometimes but I wouldn’t want to be without her.’ He sat next to Hugo on the weights bench. ‘I thought things were going well between you and Leah?’

‘Well they were. I mean, we’re having fun and it’s nice and everything, she’s such a great girl but, and I feel awful saying this, I don’t know if I can commit to her and VJ. It’s such a big responsibility. At first I thought I could handle it and I admit I was falling for her hard and things were perfect for a while but now I just don’t know what I want. We had a fight this morning about absolutely nothing and honestly part of me doesn’t even care.’

‘Do you love her?’

Hugo was caught off guard. He paused and clasped his hands together and looked at Tony. ‘Honestly, I don’t know.’

*******************

‘So, I’m sleeping with Brad.’ Leah figured it was better to just come right out with it. She looked at the ground, kicking a white pebble with her base of her flip flop.

‘Woah.’ Rachel stopped suddenly and grabbed Leah by the shoulder, pulling her towards her. ‘Brad as in my brother. But what about Hugo?’ She stared down at her.

‘Rach im sorry. I never meant for this to happen. Gaah!’ Leah sighed. ‘Brad and I just happened. He knows about Hugo so it’s not like I deceived him. And I feel terrible but things just got outta control you know. And now I don’t know who I want to be with. I know it can’t go on like this any longer.’

‘You need to make a choice Leah. And I mean today.’ Rachel turned and looked into the pram and smiled, her heart melting. She couldn’t be mad at Leah. ‘I’m not angry with you,’ she said as she gazed at her sleeping. ‘Just promise me you won’t hurt my brother.’

‘So you’re saying I’ve to choose him?’ Leah laughed in spite of herself.

‘Well, yes,’ Rachel faced her again. ‘Just whatever makes you happy,’ she spoke quietly.

They walked in silence for a while, neither of them sure what to say next. Leah was relieved Rachel hadn’t reacted as angrily as she thought she would. God knows she had every right to be. She glanced at her from the corner of her eye, smiling at the sight of her pushing her longed for baby, her eyes sparkling and her hair blowing in the gentle afternoon breeze.

‘What?’ Rachel sensed her friend’s eyes on her.

‘Nothing, I’m just really happy for you Rach.’

‘Don’t turn this all around and focus on me. That’s not going to work.’ Rachel winked at Leah and smiled before stopped and pulling her into a hug. ‘I know what it’s like to be stuck between two people and I don’t want you to end up getting hurt. You don’t deserve that. But then neither does my brother. Or my nephew for that matter.’ She raised her eyebrows at Leah.

‘Thanks Rach, you’re an amazing friend. And I promise I’ll sort things today.’

‘Good.’ Rachel turned her attention back to Grace.

‘Do you love Tony as much as you loved Kim?’ Leah spoke suddenly, almost surprising herself with the question.

‘Huh?’ Rachel span around quickly. ‘Where did that come from?’

‘I just, I don’t know if I’ll ever love anyone like I loved Dan.’ Leah paused and bit her lip, focusing her eyes on Grace. ‘And I feel like I deserve that. So maybe I’m holding out for something I’ll never get again.’

‘But, didn’t you feel that way about Vinnie?’ Rachel asked gently. ‘You were able to love again with Dan, just as much. When I was with Kim I loved him so much and just after he left I didn’t think I’d love anyone again as much as I loved him – but I love Tony more than I thought was possible. Don’t punish yourself for how you feel. You’re an amazing person Leah and you deserve to be with someone who realises that.’

‘Thanks Rach. You too.’ Leah sighed. ‘I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.’

‘It’s a little late for that now.’ Rach shrugged. ‘Don’t worry, they’re big guys. They’ll get over it. You just need to talk to them both, soon,’ she emphasised. She smiled at Leah and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. ‘Lecture over, I promise.’

‘Good,’ Leah laughed. ‘Seriously Rach, thanks for being so understanding. ‘I know it must be hard, giving Brad’s your brother.’

‘Well, you’re my best friend and I love you so, I can’t get too mad. And it’s not like you’re engaged to him or anything. Plus he knew what he was getting into.’

‘I love you too Rach.’ Leah hugged her tightly. ‘So can I decide on which one is better in the bedroom?’ She laughed mischievously.

‘Leah!’ Rachel exclaimed, ‘I don’t exactly relish the thought of hearing about my brother’s sex life thank you very much.’

Leah laughed. ‘I’m sorry. I won’t go into details. How are you and Tony in the department anyways? I know having a baby kind of kills that side of things.’

‘Oh God, even the thought of that right now is enough to put me off,’ Rachel reconciled with horror. ‘All I want to do in bed is sleep. And if Tony saw me naked right now he’d be repulsed.’

‘Oh Rach don’t be silly,’ Leah laughed sympathetically. ‘Look at you,’ she gestured, ‘you look amazing considering you only gave birth around a month ago.’

‘Only because I have clothes on! And underwear that comes up to here,’ she said, pointing to the high waist band. ‘Holds everything in. And my boobs which are massive and sore and constantly in demand by my beloved daughter.’

‘You know Tony adores you,’ Leah smiled as she linked her arm through Rachel’s. ‘I better get back to the diner before Colleen has a fit. I’ll call you later; give you an update on my romantic life.’

‘Can’t wait. I better get this one home anyways; she’s due a feed soon.’ Rachel kissed Leah bye as she turned to walk towards home. Just as she was thinking of calling Tony to check dinner plans, she felt the vibration against her leg.

‘Rach,' Tony’s urgent voice on the line scared her. ‘It’s Martha.’