Peter's Ice Creams (by Skykat) - comments

[Drew]

Nawwww. Twas a good little fic Kat.

The way you put it, Hayley did squirm through all of Kit's men in her life It's a shame this path wasn't followed through in the actual show, it sort of was but not in great detail like this.

“My inability to go after an unattached woman and my supposed obsession with my brother’s wives.” Peter replied.

:lol:

That made me laugh. Also the story is a good combination of two complete opposite characters that really have nothing to do with each other, and they're also two of my overall favourite characters so this story seemed like a good bonus for me =]

Good story Kat.

Edited February 25, 2008 by Drew

[I love music]

Oh, Kat, you had me worried for a little while! First sentence great and then next sentence ...

Her fingers automatically entered her mouth as her teeth searched for any tiny section of nail that was biteable. Unable to find one she turned her attention instead to...

This could have been...

Her hand went to her mouth and her teeth searched in vain for more ragged fingernail. There was none left to bite. She turned her attention to...

See? A little cranking of a sentence is all it takes. Also, unless you’re using dialogue or writing totally from a character’s point of view, drop colloquialisms like “Mind you”.

Kit shot her sharpest glare at the woman who sat at the desk across from her. She sat there so prim and proper, her glasses had fallen ever so slightly down her nose, her immaculate crisp white shirt was moulded to her slim figure and she tapped long, immaculate nails against the hard wood desk.

I smiled when I read that. An immediate image sprang to mind and I loved Kit’s reaction:

“It felt like Christmas had come early.” Kit looked up and smiled sweetly. She knew her voice was dripping with sarcasm but she could hardly help herself, what a stupid question to ask? Kit shifted her weight again and with her knees now pressed against her chest she wrapped her arms around her legs.

Well daaarling she had a simply divine figure, like to die for, you know; long blonde hair, the colour of gold and simply the most perfect little features, long legs, big smile, hot ass, the ultimate golden girl.” Kit giggled to herself as she perfectly executed the overly posh, affected accent she had seen so many times on television.

You’ve painted a perfect picture of Kit, not just in the way she talks but in the way she behaves especially that sudden outburst.

“After the only two guys you loved chose Hayley over you she then gets with your brother, has his son and therefore gets all his attention and your mothers. I guess you really hate her.”

It’s up to you how characters in your fic talk of course but from what I read of the counsellor’s description I think her conversation might have been more stilted. Something like:

“After the only two men you ever loved chose Hayley over you she then falls in love with your brother and gives birth to his child. Now your brother and your mother give Hayley all their attention. You must really hate her.”

“Hayley’s nice.” It was the truth and somehow it didn’t seem right to have a perfect stranger running Hayley down. “She’s one of those people you just can’t help but like, everyone loves Hayley.”

I like that. It shows Kit’s generosity...

Kit shut her eyes as she felt the tears press. She still thought of Noah, even now. Gorgeous, gentle Noah, the first guy to ever give her a chance; the first person to look beyond the fat, the frumpiness and the alcohol. He was the first person who had seen the real Kit, the one that hid behind the bolshieness and attitude, the scared, screaming little child that had just wanted to be loved.

...and this too. The lack of self-esteem and the anger inside her.

His grin returned but this time it didn’t quite reach his eyes and Kit saw it for what it really was, a mask and she knew if she had a mirror she’s see an identical grin on her face. “I treated you last week.” He mimicked her movements and Kit had enough experience of guys to know she was being made fun of. There was no malice in him though, just an obvious need to lighten the mood.

“Nope bad memory I definitely paid.” She twisted her arms around behind her head and performed an elaborate skip over the pavement cracks before grinning up at him, daring him to copy her now.

The reflection of each other is inspired.

“Oh just my inability to keep a bloke and my supposed jealousy towards Hayley Lawson,” Kit replied candidly, “You?”

“My inability to go after an unattached woman and my supposed obsession with my brother’s wives.” Peter replied, his voice loaded with bitterness. “Think our counsellors are comparing notes the way our sessions always mirror each others?”

I like the way Peter and Kit themselves compare notes.

“So what’s the deal with Hayley then?” Peter asked suddenly, breaking the easy silence that seemed to echo, not just around them but over the whole park. As if other people were giving them a wide berth, leaving them to it, as if they were the only two people in the world.

And Peter did know. He put a hand reassuringly round her shoulder but she did not even notice. She was immersed in the own little world, her body was shaking with her own anger and bitterness. He could almost see it dripping from every pore of her skin.

Gently he guided her to a park bench and they both sank down onto the cold hard wood, their bodies close but not touching, his arm still draped around her shoulder. Kit shut her eyes, taking in gulps of fresh air in an attempt to calm her emotions and soothe her anger. Next to her she could feel the heat of Peter’s body, could feel that he too was shaking and lost in his own memories, trapped in his own world of pain.

“Do you think it’s getting any easier?” he asked suddenly, his voice penetrating the battle in her mind. She shrugged.

Great images.

...a complete emotional train wreck

Brilliant!

Kit felt the breath she had been holding leave her in a series of huffs that jerked her whole body. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I know." He kissed her forehead lightly and released her. "Same time next week?"

"You bet," she grinned this time as she turned and walked away from him.

Nice ending - and great fic, Kat!

[Lesley Bee]

Wow great story, i love your style of writing, its so descriptive and of course it features the gorgeous detective, which always helps

Edited February 28, 2008 by mrs baker

[carmelle]

OMG! I loved reading this and the first 2. It was worth the wait. Of course it helps that it's got the gorgeous detective in it . You're a great writer and I look forward to the next part.