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This Is Me. But Who Am I?

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Chapter 32 - Selfish

Everything Belle said made sense and I really wanted to make everything right with everyone, for everyone, but mostly what I wanted was Matilda. The only problem was how.

Now being the selfish person I was back then I couldnt do it alone. I needed help so I turned to the one person that knew her better than anyone else. I really thought it would be easy to get his help.

"What do you want Lucas?" Henry said opening his bedroom door to find me standing there grinning inanely.

"I need your help to get Matilda back" I bluntly said.

"Give me one good reson why I should help you do that." Henry snapped at me.

I was taken a back I didnt really expect Henry to have a problem with it. I never realised how hard everything had been for him, but I was about to find out.

"Cause I love her" was all I said back.

The next thing I knew Henry had dragged me into his room by my shirt and pinned me up against his cupboard.

"Luc, you have no idea, do you. You broke her heart, shattered her faith in me, made her run to Ric which could have destroyed Belle." Henry was really shouting.

I was stunned I had no idea my actions could have affected the others so much. Looking back it is obvious that anything one of us did affected all of us.

Henry finally released his grip on me and sat down on the floor.

"Im sorry" he muttered. "she hardly spoke to me you know" Henry continued keeping his gaze on the floor. "She is still mad that I didnt tell her about you and Belle, and the whole pregnancy thing. She thinks I put you first when I should have protected her."

"But you didnt do it for me did you? You did it for Belle, to protect her friendship with Matilda. To stop Belle getting hurt." I said.

"Partly and I honestly believed the baby was mine Luc. I guess it was false hope. I didnt see the need in hurting Maddie." Henry punched the floor. " I thought it was mine, you were the only one who knew how I felt about Belle and you havent been around, Who was I supposed to talk to Lucas. Ric and Matilda had there own issues. I needed you mate."

"Im so sorry Henry but can I just say one thing. Why didnt you talk to Belle, your in love with her so tell her" I said honestly.

"I could say the same thing to you Luc, you want my sister back, so go tell her. She loves you, I hear her crying at night." Henry's words made my heart swell. Just maybe I could make this right.

"So this is it, we are both going to do it?" Henry said nervously.

"Well what do we have to lose, we still have each other, right?" I laughed.

So there and then we decided to put ourselves out there and get the girls we loved, Looking back now Im so glad Henry and I bonded that day....

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Thanks guys here is the next chapter.

Chapter 33 - Pleading.

Now Id decided to talk to Matilda and try and explain but I had to find the nerve to do it. I didnt think I had the courage. I have never been any good at confronting things.

Henry and I walked around the bay trying to find either Belle or Matilda. We had been looking for half an hour when we saw them sat on the beach. My body went rigid, they were together, that we hadnt expected well at least I hadnt. They both looked really happy as they chatted easily.

"I'll go first"henry said confidently "I will get belle to come for a walk with me, so Matilda will be left alone and you can go and talk to her."

"Ok" I said not actually sure if this was a good idea.

I watched as Henry strolled over to them, he didnt seem nervous or scared at all. How did he do it I remember thinking. Then suddenly all to quickly it was my turn. I walked over and sat down next to Maddie. She didnt get up and walk away which was a bonus.

"Hey" I said lamely.

"hello" she replied her tone frosty and with no emotion.

"Look Matilda, Im really sorry you know for everything" Now i was sat with her I had no idea what to say "I never wanted to hurt you, It wasnt supposed to happen with Belle, it wasnt planned" I rambled.

"Is that supposed to make it right?" She asked not even looking at me.

"Of course not. Honestly Maddie I dont know what to say" I said. "I am truly sorry I never wanted to lose you. Im in love with you, why cant you see that" I pleaded I could feel tears froming in my eyes and I fought them back.

"You really mean that" she said staring straight into my eyes as if she could see the truth in them.

"Of course I wouldnt say it if I didnt mean it." I smiled at her and she half smiled back.

"I believe you Lucas" she said "but Im not sure if its enough. I dont know if I can trust you and thats important I need to be able to trust you." she stood up.

"Please Matilda lets at least try. I will earn your trust again. I promise" I begged letting the tears fall freely. "I wont let you down again."

"I dont know Lucas let me think" she said walking away tears falling down her cheeks.

I watched her and my heart ached. I got up and walked to the rocks, our rocks. Where we had shared our first kiss. I just sat there for hours staring out to the sea. I wondered if Henry had, better luck. I thought about what I would do now, could I be just friends with her if thats what she wanted, I wasnt sure.

I heard someone behind me "I knew you would be here" a voice said.

I turned to see her stood there, I stood up not sure what else to do.

She looked me straight in the eye and simply said "I love you too Lucas"

To this day I dont know why she took me back, but I honestly dont care. Im just glad she did.

If only loving each other was enough to keep us from feeling pain and sorrow. If only we could protect all the people we loved...........

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Thanks guys. Yea I really do enjoy keeping you guessing!! :P

*Warning sexual content*

Chapter 34 - Lost time

Matilda and I had been back together for two days and we hadnt seen our friends, we had spent our time chatting and watching dvd's in my bedroom. It felt nice spending time together, it felt natural I guess. But one thing worried me you see Matilda hadnt let me near her, sure she let me hold her in my arms but anything else and she pulled away.

I sat in my room thinking about how to rectify things between us. I knew she would be arriving soon and I really wanted to have a perfect night with her. My thoughts were interrupted by her entering my room.

"Hey" she said sitting down on my bed.

"You look great" I said and she really did, the thing about Matilda was that she had a natural beauty and she genuinely didnt realise she had.

"Thanks" she said "So what are we going to watch tonight?"

"Do you mind if we just talk for a while?" I said hoping I could think of a tactful way to tell her what was on my mind.

"Sure" she replied "Is everything ok?"

"You know I love you, dont you?" I know I sounded corny but I wanted her to realise how much I did.

"Yes. Of course" She said

"So why wont you kiss me?" I said blatantly. I couldnt do the tactful thing when all I wanted to do was kiss her. "Im not worried about the sex part, even though I want you like crazy, but you wont even let me kiss you why not?"

"Im sorry Luc. I know I have been weird and believe me when I say I want you too, but Im scared of being compared" She said quietly.

"To who. Belle"I said stunned.

"Well you had sex with her, when you could have had me, I guess i kind of feel inferior." She explained.

I never dreamed she would feel like that and it completely bafflled me.

"Come here" I said holding my arms out to her, she leant into me and I held her tightly, my lips touching her bare shoulder. I kissed it softly "There is no-one I want more than you" I kissed the base of her neck "You have no reason to feel inferior, I want you and thats it" I moved my lips to her cheek kissing it lightly. "The way you make me feel, well I cant even describe it" That was true she gave me confidence that I hadnt had in a while.

She turned to face me properly, her lips met mine and we kissed slowly it felt so intense better than any kiss I had experienced. I pulled away and smiled at her, she smiled back and we kissed again this time more urgently. We fell back so we were laying on my bed. I groaned as her hand travelled around my body. I had forgotten how well she knew me. Suddenly I laughed out loud.

"What" she said curiously.

"If we are about to do what I think we are going to do you might be disappointed, it may not last long" I said smirking, glad that I was confident enough to tell her.

"Well it has been a while I guess its understandable" she said stripping off her clothes so she stood in front of me naked.

"You are not helping matters" I said pulling her on to me.

"Well we have all night" she giggled.

That night was the most amazing of my life and I wouldnt change it for anything, well I guess I would if it meant the 5 of us could be together again.

Now I know I havent mentioned the others lately, but my feelings for Matilda still blur my concentration. The other 3 were having equally as much pleasure and pain as we were, unfortunately only the pain would remain...............

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Great idea aejdude, I will have to see how I end this one first, not sure if the group will still be as close cause things may make them drift apart. Anyway here is another chapter. Hope you like it.

Chapter 35 - Henry and Ric.

I woke the next morning and smiled when I remembered the night before. I looked at my girlfriend laying there in my arms and for once everything seemed perfect. It didnt last long my perfect moment was suddenly ruined by Henry and Ric barging into my room.

"Have you guys ever heard of knocking" I said covering myself and Matilda up.

"Sorry" Ric said sheepishly we hadnt spoken for ages and I knew I had to apologise.

"Im sorry too you know for" I started.

"yea no worries" He finished.

And that was it no declaration of being friends forever or countless debates about who was in the wrong. Our friendship got back to normal with a few simple words.

"Guys" i heard matilda mutter into my pillow.

"So you sorted it out then" Henry said as if he had only just noticed that his sister was in my bed and our clothes were thrown everywhere.

"Your so smart brother dear" Maddie said leaning into my chest. I put my arms around her, and looked at the guys hoping they would get the hint and get out. They didnt unfortunately.

"Actually" Ric said breaking the awkward silebce that threatened to appear. "We were hoping you could come with us this afternoon."

"Um not sure" I said looking at Matilda, she nodded.

"Got to ask permission these days" Henry said his attitude was always slightly different when Matilda was around. Sibling rivalry I guess.

"Maybe I just have respect for my girlfriend" I said laughing. "anyway how did it go with you the other day, with you know."

"tell you later" Henry said quickly not wanting to talk in front of his sister.

She noticed. "Well if you guys would get out I will get dressed and get out of your way so you can discuss whatever it is you guys talk about." she said laughing.

Ric and Henry left the room and Matilda and I got dressed.

"Will I see you later" she asked

"Without a doubt" I said kissing her as she climbed out of my window so my dad wouldnt know she had stayed the night.

"So what are we doing today" I said to Ric and Henry as I left my room and found them lingering by my door.

"Dont know really we just figured guy time was in order." Henry said.

I suddenly became aware that Henry was grinning more than usual. "Whats going on with you?" I asked him.

"Just happy" he said smirking.

"Your with Belle arent you" I said.

"Well sort of its complicated, with Ric and the baby" he said "But we can figure it out"

"hey Im cool with it" Ric said.

"Yea I know mate but its not going to be plain sailing is it" Henry said and then turned to me to explain. "We are taking it slow actually we have our first official date tonight."

"Cool" I said. Henry got up and went to get a drink. "Are you really ok?" I said to Ric.

"Yea totally, I dont think of Belle like that, and I think her and Henry are well suited even if Belle doesnt realise it yet. Im just the baby's dad thats all I cant dictate what Belle does with her life. Anyway she deserves happiness." Ric said.

I suddenly realised that Ric had matured a lot in the past months. I guess becoming a father will do that. Anyway the day passed and we gave Henry advice about his date, not that I had much advice to give.

After Henry had left Ric and I sat around chatting. I asked him what he was going to do about relationships now with the baby on the way.

"Well I can still chat women up and have fun just careful fun" he said winking "In fact I think i am supposed to be meeting one right now, and I think you should go and find your girlfriend. We are all still young even though it doesnt seem like it sometimes, we should enjoy it while we can." and with that he left.

Ric had a point we were young so we should enjoy ourselves. Out of all of us Ric's attitude to life was the best, he didnt worry as much or analyse things as much.He just enjoyed life. Yet just like everything else in our lives that changed, enjoyment wouldnt be part of our lives for much longer.......

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Chapter 36 Belle and I

Things for the 5 of us were slowly getting back to the way they used to be. Matilda and Belle seemed closer than ever, which would have un-nerved me if it hadnt been for the fact that Matilda's and my relationship was stronger than it had ever been.

Matilda's 17th birthday was coming up and I had an idea about what I wanted to do and buy, but I needed someones help just to tell me if it was a good idea or not, the only person i could think to ask was Belle.

I told Maddie I was going to see Belle and to my surprise she had no problem with it. I later found out from Henry that she honestly didnt mind me going as she felt the strong bond we had built to.

I found Belle sitting at Stewarts Point, she was miles and away and didnt even hear me approaching.

"Hey you still on this planet" I said waving my hand in front of her face.

"Hey Holden, sorry was just thinking" she said smiling at me. I knew it was a fake smile but knowing Belle as well as I did, I knew she would tell me what was wrong if she wanted to, there was no point in pushing her. "Whats up" she continued.

"well actually I want your advice if thats ok?" I said

"Whats the matter problems in paradise already?" she snapped.

I must have looked shocked at her statement cause she apologised instantly. I ignored it and carried on, I explained what I wanted to buy Maddie and what I wanted each of us to do, I needed everyone to be involved. How I wanted everything to be perfect.

"Wow! holden you really are going all out" She said smiling at me "I guess it really is Love"

"Yea it really is" I said laughing at how cheesey I sounded.

"Will anyone ever love me like you love Maddie. Do you think?" She asked me thoughtfully.

"I think someone already does, if only you would let him in" I replied honestly.

"Maybe but its not easy. Ive put my heart out there before and it got turned down" she said.

"Sorry" Was all I could reply to that.

"hey Holden, i can take it. Im just glad your in my life" she said sweetly.

I gave her a hug and made a joke about how fat she was these days.

"Its called pregnancy Lucas" she said hitting me "now help me up and we can put your plan into action."

I laughed and did as I was told. I knew better than to argue with Belle, especially a pregnant Belle.

My friendship with Belle became perfect again that day and I was so glad, if only everything could have stayed the same, cause at that point my life was exactly how I wanted it to be. I had the 3 greatest friends in the world, and a girl I loved that loved me too.

I guess I must have taken it all for granted cause I didnt think about what would happen if that perfect world was taken away, unfortunately now Im living it.

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Ok guys here is another chapter I am spoiling you today :P:P

Chapter 37 - Devotion

Between the 4 of us Matilda's birthday planning went really well. The only problem was she knew we were up to something and knew how to get it out of me.

"Give in yet" she said tickling me one night as we sat supposedly watching a film.

"no way" I cried out laughing. I hated being tickled and she knew it.

"Are you sure Lucas?" She said tickling me with one hand and undoing my trousers with the other.

"no fair, you cant use sex as a weapon to get your own way. Its your birthday present you can wait three days to know what it is" I said trying not to laugh.

"Maybe I can Maybe I cant" she said releasing me from her grasp.

"look honey you will love it. I promise just be patient." I said.

"Please just give me a hint Lucas" she said looking at me in a way she knew I couldnt resist.

"You're a pain you really are" I laughed.

"thats why you love me" she said getting off me and grabbing her stuff "Im going to change into my Pj's"

"Why not change in here like ususal?" I asked her curiously

"Im not letting you have any privelages until you tell me what my present is" she said laughing.

I suffered at the hands of my girlfriend for the next 3 days. It was hell, she knew how to get round me and she did try but I was determined not to give in. I wanted her to be surprised, to have a great birthday, to show her my devotion to her, but most of all to make up for hurting her.

The morning of her birthday I woke early and met the others on the beach.

"This looks great" I said "thank you so much guys"

"not a problem" Ric said smiling "Right Luc, we will be back in an hour or so to join you so enjoy yourself in the mean time."

"yea we should go Matilda will be here soon" Belle agreed "Bye Holden"

For some reason I still cant explain I was nervous and it didnt get any better watching the others walk off, So I just sat waiting for Maddie. Eventually she appeared. I ran up to her and put my hand over her eyes.

"Luc whats going on" She said.

"trust me" I said. I walked her over to our rocks "Happy birthday sweetheart" I said uncovering her eyes.

"Oh god Lucas this is wonderful" she said. I had, well our friends had laid out a romantic picnic with all of her favourite breakfast foods on it. In the middle surrounded by roses was her present.

"Can I open it" she said sitting down, she was so excited, it made me laugh.

"Of course" I said sitting behind her my legs wrapping around her body. She picked up the snall box and unwrapped it eagerly.

"Luc this is beautiful, but it must have cost a fortune" she exclaimed.

"That doesnt matter, I will be working for dad for the rest of my life to pay for it, but as long as you like it I dont care" I said kissing the top of her head.

"I love it Luc" she said staring at the white gold ring with 3 small diamonds in it.

"So put it on" I said. I watched as she tried it on her fingers "its too small" she moaned.

"Try that finger" I said pointing to her left hand.

"Lucas please tell me your not proposing"

I laughed at the panic on her face. "Are you kidding we are teenagers" I said.

I turned her round so she was facing me "What Im saying is one day in the future, I will propose to you and until that day comes I want you to wear this ring to remind you of how much I love you." She had tears in her eyes, and suddenly I didnt feel so nervous.

"I love you Lucas" She said pulling me into her we started kissing passionately. Before we knew it we were interrupted.

"They havent even eaten yet" Rics voice boomed into my thoughts.

"All the more for us then" Belle said sitting down.

"Piggy" Henry said sitting next to her.

Matilda and I turned to face them we both smiled falsley at our friends.

"So glad you could join us" I said "You are early."

"Holden, Im pregnant and hungry, so suffer and get your end away another time" was Belle's response.

"Such a lady isnt she" Henry said kissing Belle.

"So you two figured stuff out then" I asked.

"Yea I though I would give him a chance" belle replied laughing

"Anyway" Ric interrupted I think he was feeling a little left out. "Happy birthday Matilda"

"Yea happy birthday sis" Henry said handing her a present.

"Thanks guys, but if you want food I would eat now "Maddie said pointing at Belle who was demolishing everything in sight. We all laughed and tried to stop Belle eating.

"Do it and Die" she shouted.

We had a great day together, there was so much laughter and fun. Little did we know that this would be our last day all of us together, all of us safe and happy.

What lay ahead were weeks of misery, pain and uncertainty. Which eventually would end in death.....

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Ok so Im posting again tonight, cause Im not tired at all and Im really enjoying writing this fic.

Chapter 38 - The start of events

I lay in bed the night of Matilda's birthday, I was trying to stay awake knowing that Maddie would be climbing through my window at any moment.

I guess I must have drifted off at some point as I awoke to her hands running up and down my chest.

"Hey sleepy" she said kissing my forehead. I just smiled dozily.

She was clearly more awake than I was and she was doing a fantastic job of waking me up in more ways than one.

I eventually had to give in, we spent hours that night caressing and kissing one another, It was all getting rather steamy when we were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Hide" I whispered to Maddie "Your not supposed to be in here" I said grabbing my boxers and struggling to make myself calm.

I took a deep breath and opened the door to find my dad standing there.

"hey mate sorry to wake you" he said slowly "but I thought you would like to know that Irene phoned and Belle has gone into labour, she is at the hospital now. But Irene said there is no point in going till the morning, it will be a while yet."

"Thanks dad" I said stunned I watched him walk back to his room and closed the door.

"She cant be already" Matilda said equally stunned "she is not even 7 months yet."

"I know I hope everything is ok." I said getting back into bed with Maddie. "but I guess we will have to wait till the morning to find out."

I was worried but I also knew that Belle was strong and she wouldnt be alone Henry and Ric would both be by her side. She didnt need me too.

Matilda and I hardly spoke to each other after my dad had told us. We lay entwined in each other, both thinking of our friend.

I know it sounds silly but the baby suddenly became real that night it hadnt really seemed it before.

The baby coming early started a chain of events that changed our lives forever, if only it wasnt early then things would have been different for all of us.

People say now that we cant think of it like that but it is hard not to, we lost someone we loved and it all started with a premature baby........

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Thanks for the review guys.

Chapter 39 - Belle

Matilda and I went to the hospital early the next day, we hadnt heard anything since Irene had phoned originally. We walked around the maternity ward but saw no sign of Belle, Ric or Henry. Matilda went and asked at the desk but they wouldnt give out any information because we werent family.

"What the hell is going on?" i said to Matilda, she knew me well enougn to know that I was worried.

"Lets go get some air and see if we can find Ric or Henry" she said calmly taking me by the hand, she was so much stronger then I had realised. She kept calm while I became a nervous wreck.

We walked around the grounds and the more time went on the more worried I got.

"Look Lucas, if anything had happened they would have phoned us." She said rationally.

Now Im not sure at which point it happened, wether it was just that day or if it had occured before, but Matilda had become my rock, my strength. The way Belle used to be, I guess at some point Maddie had replaced some of Belle's place im my life.

We sat on a bench while Matilda tried to ring the others. Suddenly I saw him sat on the grass his head in his hands.

"Maddie look" I shouted running to where he was. He didnt even notice when we got there. I let Matilda take the lead, sitting next to him she out her arm gently around him.

"henry whats the matter, tell me" She said softly. "Is it Belle?"

He nodded, and I felt sick, something had happened to my friend and I wasnt there.

Henry looked up his eyes were red and swollen. "She had a baby boy" he said trying to smile.

"Well thats good news "Matilda said.

"But something went wrong, her heart valve or something didnt work properly after, it couldnt cope with the stress of child birth so they operated." he was struggling to breath through his tears.

"And" I said, Matilda glared at me. I know she meant let him say thing in his own time. But I needed to know.

"She hasnt woken up from it. Apparently she lost a lot of blood and her body is trying to cope. She wont wake Tilly I have tried, really I have" Henry couldnt cope anymore he broke down on his sister.

"She is in a coma" maddie said not really to anyone.

"Take us to her" I said gently to Henry.

We stood up and he took us to Belle's room. We walked in and I stopped, she was so white so still with tubes and machines everywhere.

"Hi" Ric said he was sat holding her hand. "They say it will take as long as it takes for her to wake up."

"So you have a son" I said tapping him on the shoulder.

He nodded. "But I dont know what to call him, I dont know what she wanted to call him" he said starting to cry.

"Well then wait until she can tell you" I said trying to be strong.

"Lucas" Maddie said joining us. "Im going to take Henry home for a while he isnt doing well. Will you be ok?"

I looked over at Henry and Matilda was right he was slumped in a chair, and well I wouldnt even know how to describe what he looked like.

"sure I will be fine" I said kissing her quickly. "Comeback whenever."

"I might come too, share a taxi with you. I need to change" Ric said "Will you stay with her Lucas"

"Of course, I wont leave for anything" I said and I meant it, they all left leaving me with Belle.

I really wish I hadnt let them go. I wish they had stayed with me. I wish they had got the bus, walked, anything, but I cant change History and believe me I wish I could.........

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Chapter - 40 Tears upon Tears

I spoke to Belle's doctor and he said I should talk to her because there is always a possibility that she could hear me. I didnt know what to say so I just started rambling.

"So Belle, I know you like a bit of attention but dont you think your taking it a bit far this time. You have a baby that needs you, you cant be attention girl this time" I said trying to fight back tears.

"Well ok, I guess that didnt wake you up so what else is likely to, of course why didnt I think of it before, Sex thats what you will wake up for, maybe I should give Henry a call. Of course I would offer my services but we both know that causes trouble with everyone and I dont think we want to go through that again." I couldnt keep up the upbeat happy talk. Tears started falling and I couldnt control them.

"Come on Belle we wasted enough time not talking before, now our friendship is perfect again you cant leave me now. I need you, I know you dont think I do because of Maddie but I really do and you need me to who else is going to teach your son to be a gentlemen lets face it Ric and Henry probably wont." I continued.

There was no movement at all, I started sobbing. I couldnt cope. I sat there in silence for an hour or so and then decided to get a drink.

"I'll be back soon" I said kissing her hand.

I walked over to the vending machine and bought a coke. It was then that I found out everything had got a whole lot worse.

A Doctor was talking to a paramedic just behind me. This is what I remember hearing before it all goes blank.

"What are we dealing with?" the Dr asked.

"Severe Head trauma, cant feel his legs, maybe spinal damage. He lost conciousness on the way here." The paramedic said.

"What happened?" the Dr said.

"Three joyriders in three seperate cars, the taxi driver had no chance he couldnt have avoided the crash.."

"How many injured?" The dr asked.

"5 in total." Was the paramedics reply. "This patients details are in his wallet, the rest have no identification."

"Lets see. Eric Dalby 17 years old, passenger in the taxi. Ok lets take a look."

My legs buckled from under me a crash, taxi, Ric that meant Henry and Matilda. "Oh god Maddie" I fell to the ground.

Nothing could of prepared me for the days ahead watching my friends suffer. I dont know how I got through it.

But at least Im here to tell the tale, yet even now I cant think about it with out crying...................

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Chapter 41 - Alone

"Mr Holden please calm down, take a deep breath" A dr was saying to me. I had tried to tell them I knew Ric, I wanted to ask about Maddie and Henry. "Breathe" he repeated. Eventually after what felt like forever I caught my breath.

"The crash, Ric Dalby. Where are the others that were involved?"I blurted out "They are my friends, my girlfriend."

"The only female is in surgery, she had no identification so we had no one to contact" he said.

"Matilda Hunter, please is she ok? Tell me I will tell her family" I shouted, he didnt even try and argue with me about patient confidentiality.

"She has severe internal bleeding, could have ruptured an organ. We wont know more until they have operated." he said quickly.

I couldnt believe what was happening. First Belle, now Ric and Maddie too. Oh god Henry" I blurted out.

"Excuse me" the Dr said.

"Henry Hunter he was in the taxi too. How is he?" I was shouting again.

"there were two tennage boys without ID, one died on arrival, the other is unconcious but seems to have no serious injuries." He replied.

I sat on the floor, dead someone was dead.

"Perhaps you could identify Mr Hunter for me" the Doctor said hopefully.

"You mean the body" I said not really thinking. I couldnt take everything in, I needed someone. I needed Matilda or Belle they were always around. I didnt deal with things on my own, they always helped. I sat there crying.

"Lucas you dont have to see the body." the doctor said softly "the survivor is in room 42, take a look tell me if its your friend"

"OK" I said not really sure if I could bring myself to do it. I thought about what Belle would say. Do it for Henry he is your friend thats what she would say. Walking towards the door I felt sick.

"Can I have a second please" I asked the Dr. I sat down. What if that wasnt Henry in there that meant he would be dead. How would I tell Mrs Hunter, How could I tell Matilda. Would I ever be able to talk to Matilda again, or Belle, Ric, or Henry.

Pull yourself together you can do this, I kept hearing Belle's voice in my head. I opened the door and stepped inside. The sight in front of me was the only thing that kept me going that day.

"Its Henry" I said sitting next to his bed.

One slight relief in a day full of pain was that my friend wasnt dead, how bizarre that feeling was. But I was grateful for any small relief that day. Because the days were about to get worse......................

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