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This Is Me. But Who Am I?

Guest tasha7905

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Thanks for the reviews. I cant believe its nearly over. :P

Chapter 52 - 5 of us.

We walked down to the beach together, our instructions were detailed even down to where we had to sit. We eventually got to the right place struggling for a while with Ric's wheelchair.

"Right" Ric said "She wants us to bond again without her, she was worried that our friendships would fall apart without her."

"Typical Always the bighead." Henry said smiling. As we all nodded in agreement.

"So how does she expect us to bond again" Maddie asked.

"Get rid of our pain and sorrow same way we did last time throw it out to sea." Ric said smiling. "And those are her exact words."

Henry and Matilda looked puzzled.

"The lists" I said. "We have to make the lists of 5 things we are going to miss about her, like we did about our parents." I looked at Ric to make sure I was right.

"Yea Lucas. Im not quite sure why but she wants us to, so I guess we have to." he said.

"Yea we do, but I have something to say first" Matilda said.

I looked at her stunned.

" There was something else she wanted to do before she died, something important to her. Ric already knows, but for some reason she wanted me to announce it. I guess she didnt want me feeling left out". Matilda said.

"Go on" I said holding her hand.

"She named her son, no sorry ric she named their son" She corrected herself, and looked at Ric, he gestured for her to carry on. "His name is Luke Henry Eric Dalby."

I was shocked and from the look on Henrys face so was he, but we also felt a sense of pride.

"Is that really ok with you" I said looking at Ric.

"Of course" he smiled "You guys are family to me. If my son is anything like you two I will be really proud. And anyway do you really think I would go against Taylor's wishes she would send down a bolt of lightening to hit me or something"

We all laughed, and sat remembering the good times.

"Ok guys. Lets do this for her." Henry said suddenly.

We all sat pens and paper in our hands. I stared out to sea, thinking about my relationship with Belle.

I wrote:

Things I will miss:




4)Sex ( I had to write it Belle, cause I know you will expect me to,)

5) There isnt a 5th Belle cause most of all Im going to miss the whole package. Im going to miss you Belle Taylor.

I folded up my piece of paper and went to Matilda. I helped her up and we walked towards Ric and Henry. With Henry pushing Ric we made our way down the beach towards the water.

"Luc" Ric said. I turned to him. "She wants you to throw it mate" Ric said handing me the bottle with our pain and sorrow inside.

I walked alone towards the water. "I guess you think Ive got the most pain to throw away then" I said into the air. I looked back at Maddie and she smiled at me "I may have Belle but I also have the most love to cherish. Goodnight Belle. We love you and we will miss you." I said throwing the bottle as far out as I could.

I walked back to the others and we sat down. I was surprised to see Irene approaching us.

"I was told to bring the little guy here at this time" she said handing little Luke to his dad. "And to give you this" She handed me a piece of paper and walked away.

I opened it and smiled, Belle was always one step ahead of us. I read it aloud.

The 5 things I will miss by Belle Taylor.





5)Friendship, laughter and Love.

Ok so I know that is more than 5 but hey I like to be different. Now on to why my son is sat with you now. For the past well nearly 2 years it has been the 5 of us, no matter what. We have argued, loved, laughed but it has always come back to the 5 of us. Little Luke is there to remind you all that there are still 5 of you. So love each other, look after each other and protect each other. Goodbye guys. All my Love Belle.

Tears were running down my face but I couldnt help but smile, With all that had happened to her, Belle still thought of us.

"We were lucky you know" Matilda suddenly said. "Knowing her"

I smiled and nodded putting my arms around my girlfriend.

"Now we have to do what she told us to do" Henry said standing "We have to live our lives" Henry and Ric left leaving Maddie and I alone.

We sat there for ages looking out to sea. "Lucas let me stay with you tonight. I will go back to the hospital tomorrow" She said.

I was glad she said that I didnt want to be alone. "Come on" I said grabbing her hand and laughing.

"Whats happening" she said looking at me strangely.

"Im going to take Belle's advice and love you as much as I can" I said lifting her up and taking her to the rocks where we shared our first kiss.

We stayed there the whole night, it was amazing. We talked about Belle, Ric, Henry and us, we laughed, cried, made love and held each other.

I guess after everything the one thing Belle taught me was that there is always happiness in sorrow you just have to find it and when you do fight to keep it....

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The Last Chapter.

Chapter 53 - Now.

So this is me Lucas Holden and today is my 17th birthday and two months since we buried our best friend.

At this precise moment Im laying in my bed with Matilda asleep next to me. Ive written most of this when she has been asleep next to me. It seems easier to re-live it all when she is here.

I guess I should end this by talking about us, still 5 of us.

Lets start with Ric. He is still in a wheel chair but has some feeling back in his legs, in a few months he should be able to walk slightly it will just take time, but eventually he should get full use back. He is loving being a father and he is brilliant at it. I never thought I would see it but he cant get enough of Luke. It takes ages to convince him to come out for an evening and get someone to babysit. I think he is scared something will happen to his son

Luke himself is a happy baby but definately has his mum's attitude, he knows how to sulk and get what he wants and he has his Uncle Henry wrapped round his little finger.

Now Henry, he is the quietest out of all of us, except for when he is with Luke. I think being with the baby make him feel closer to the girl he loves. You can still see the loss in his eyes. He says he wont fall in love again but we hope that he will. Belle wouldnt want him to be alone, but I guess like other things that will take time.

Matilda well she is perfect, but thats just my opinion. She doesnt think she is as she still has scars from her operation, but she doesnt let them get her down she realises how lucky she is to be alive. She is worried about Henry I can tell but she is not sure how to help him, but I know she will find away. She has been my biggest support through all of this and I hope I have been hers. She is amazing with Luke better than I am and when I see her with him I cant wait till we have a family of our own. Although that is years ahead.

Now me, I miss Belle all the time but I try and take her advice and live life. she would hate it if we spent our time wallowing. Im not really sure what to say about myself.

The past two years have been bizarre. Im more confident than I was when I got here. Ive had sex with two women and I do not intend to have anyone else because although i am only 17 I know the girl laying next to me is the one I want to be with and one day when we are older I will make her my wife, The promise I made on her birthday I meant. Belle's death has taught me to hold on to the ones you love.

Her death has made us all grow up we have had to but it has also made the bond between us stronger.

I started writing this partly to help me deal with everything and partly to remember how we got here and who I am.

All I can say is that Im happy healthy and in love. What more could I ask for.


Lucas doesnt know Im writing this he fell asleep. Im Matilda and if he wants to know the answer to the big question in his mind. This is me but who am i? Well Im probably the best person to answer it for him.

After reading this all I can say is he is a friend to all and a soulmate to me. And as Belle would say, Holden is someone everyone should have in their life, and I couldnt agree more.


Ive just woken up and realised she has written in it. All I can say to what she has written is, This is me Lucas Holden and who I am obviously isnt that bad as I have the most amazing friends and a wonderful girlfriend and I have it all because of Belle Taylor.

The End.

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