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Revealed: Bec's 'other' baby diary

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Revealed: Bec's `other' baby diary

by Peter Goers

Sunday Mail

5 March 2006

EVERY month, Australia's most famous young mum, ex-soapie star Bec Cartwright, writes a gushy, exclusive diary for Woman's Day about her life with husband Lleyton Hewitt and their baby, Mia.

I thought I'd provide an alternative, satirical version of Bec's Diary. So here goes . . .

`Hello again! Me and Lleyton and our gorgeous bundle of joy booby bubby baby Mia, who everyone says is just the bestest, cutest, scrummiest baby in the world (except for some people from the evil media), love each other so much we might all burst!

The baby is sooo cute and looks just like Lleyton, especially when she gets cranky and colicky.

It's sooo marvellous being a new mum of the most beautiful and cutest baby in the world that I could just scream.

Well, I know you just can't wait to know what's been happening in our glamorous, beautiful lives.

Okay, so what if Lleyton rarely wins these days? He says having a baby and me is like winning the grand slam. I know how he feels. Having gorgeous Mia is like getting a Logie every day.

Lleyton just loves his super-gorgeous girl sooo much and he's always saying "goo goo, ga ga, goo goo, ga ga,".

Oh, and he says that to little Mia, too!

While I'm busy looking at photo proofs for Woman's Day, he sits on the couch cuddling Mia in one of her little Crows outfits while watching replays of the Crows' grand finals.

Anyway, we are now at home at our beautiful, luxurious, huge love nest at Palm Beach.

While I just love being a new mum and Lleyton's wife, on the tennis tour we always travel with a crowd so it's sooo nice to be completely alone with Lleyton and our bestest, gorgeous, scrummy Mia and Granny Cherilyn, Grumpa Glynn, Nanna Michelle, Boompa Darrel, Aunty Jaslyn, Unca Shaun, Aunty Kristy, the great-grandparents, Tyson and Mandy Edwards and their lovely sons Jackson, Brodie and Luke, Roger Rasheed, the Woman's Day photographers and journalists, my fashion consultant, make-up artist and hairdresser, our publicist, the Fanatics, Lleyton's school buddies, lawyers, staff and 17 plasma TVs.

So it's just us.

Everyone's always saying Mia is sooo gorgeous, except when she wakes up and cries for hours and then Lleyton has to turn up the volume of one of the TVs.

Sometimes Mia and me and her grandmas sneak off to watch Home and Away on another plasma TV in our new Versace crying room.

I'm learning sooo much about babies and being a mum and, although Mia is totally gorgeous, there's an amazing amount of poo poo. You wonder where it all comes from!

It just keeps coming and coming. Then there's the botty rash, colic, wind and projectile vomit. Yukkee!

We went on tour to America for the tennis and everybody said how well gorgeous little Mia travelled and she slept the whole way!

I only ever leave Mia when I pop out to see Lleyton play and Mia stays with Granny Cherilyn and Aunty Jas screened off from the probing lenses of the prying paparazzi who aren't from Woman's Day. I love watching Lleyton play and afterwards he rushes back to his bootiful girl and then we go to check the baby.

In Las Vegas it was Lleyton's birthday and so me and Granny Cherilyn and our personal security team went shopping. The security guards are handy because they carry things.

Lleyton's very hard to buy for since they've never heard of the Crows in Las Vegas. How refeshing, but don't tell Lleyton.

We popped into Prada and Tiffany and Armani and we went berserk in Baby Gap. Gorgeous Mia just adores shopping; what girl doesn't!

Everyone in all the shops said she was the most totally beautiful, gorgeous, scrummy baby they'd ever seen as they scanned my double platinum credit card.

I must say it isn't easy travelling with a baby, carrying all that shopping and trying to get away from the paparazzi trailing us.

I know we're sooo famous and sooo gorgeous, but don't they have anything better to do! Where's Britney Spears when you need her?

The funny thing was we forgot to buy something for Lleyton. He didn't care. He's like that. He said "my girls are the bestest present I could ever have". You see why I love my gorgeous hunk.

Having Mia is the most totally amazing thing I've ever got apart from my Logie, but you can't cuddle a Logie for too long.

Time flies and soon our bestest baby in the whole world will be on solid foods.

Guess what? Yesterday Mia said her first word. We were all sitting around watching Lleyton watching the Crows and our darling little Mia suddenly said "C'mon!".

I've learned that being a mum is a lot of work, but it's totally worth it.

I've gotta fly now (that's from Lleyton's favourite movie which I've seen 342 times) to try and clean bubby vomit off my huge Tiffany engagement ring before the manicurist comes.

Goodbyeee . . . Bec! '

Peter Goers can be heard weeknights on 891ABC

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Holy Crap, how much more can one person brag about what you own and how rich you are. I love Bec so much but man I hope she didnt write that that's a bit personal.

No, she didn't write that! It's a p***-take; it says so at the start of the article.

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