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Twisted Tales - Reborn

Guest JosieTash

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Chapter ONE !!!

Hayley is sitting in the lounge of the beach house. She thinks she is joyously pregnant, but Irene is deeply worried about Hayley - who thinks that her imaginary boyfriend (a plank of wood named Kimmy) is the father of the child. Irene tries to convince Hayley that this is just a figment of her imagination (i.e. a phantom pregnancy) but the joyous Hayley isn't listening to a word Irene is saying. What will Irene do, and will Hayley "come down from the clouds�

Hayley isn't the only problem in Irene's life. She is keen on fostering all the homeless etc children in Australia, but her live-in fiancé Hyde, is adamant that the only way that he is comfortable with fostering all these children is if he & Irene buy the old Hunter farm, so they'll be plenty of room for the fostered kids, AND for the baby goats that Hyde is keen on taking care of. Irene, however, doesn't like goats at all (thanks to a bad encounter with one years ago). Will Irene's hatred of baby goats ruin her chances to foster any further human kids???

Elsewhere in the Bay, both Martha & Scott had (separately) just gone for a swim on the ocean. When they emerged form the water, they approached the clothes they’d left on the beach. Scott had just picked up a flannelette shirt and was about to put in on when Martha charged towards him shouting, "Hey that's my shirt". Scott replied "how can you tell, our shirt's look the same - and we both wear jeans, so this IS my stuff, not yours" How will Martha & Scott resolve this world changing (NOT) problem?

AT SBH, EVERY girl was jealous of Tilly, who always had a VAST selection of boys just lining up waiting to merely talk to her. To the boys who attended SBH, a KISS from the divinely beautiful Tilly was like a gift from the Gods.

SBH, however, had another temptress, the VERY curvaceous, busty Sally, who (with full approval from principal Hyde) promised that she would sleep with any student (male or female) who scored an A+ for an assignment/test/exam. Because Sally was AWESOME in bed, all the students (partic the girls) in her classes were keen to get top marks.

Whilst the school provided for all the sexual urges of the Bayside teens, the adult residents of the Bay were certainly catered for as well. Indeed, no one is surprised that Tilly is OH SO POPULAR with the boys, because most ppl is town think that she will follow in her mum's footsteps. You see, Beth, along with the spankable Josie, are both ladies of the night - at the bordello which is on the 1-st floor of the mild mannered surf club.

AT the van park house, Ric is V worried about Cassie. She only goes outside to go to school, and is white as a sheet. Ric speaks to Dr Super Flynn about Cassie's behavior - and how she's not been feeling the best of late. Can Dr Super Flynn solve the mystery?

AT the diner, Leah is creating her latest culinary, well, disaster when (the just returned to the Bay) Amanda enters - and says, "Dan's is MINE, stay away from him or I’ll KILL you". Leah replies, "Go ahead and try, I DARE you". Amanda responded - but with actions, not words. Amanda used her black belt in karate to annihilate Leah. Amanda decides to end things very poetically, by dunking the head of the barely alive Leah, in the large pot of MEGA hot Chili that Leah was concocting. The nearby colleen saw this and said "OMG, you KILLED Leah", whilst the just arrived Dan exclaimed "you B***H"

Osiejay Ashtay

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Dr Super Flynn was feeling a bit tired having just worked a 97 hour shift and rescued several survivors from a burning car wreck on the way home , not to mention done the shopping and hoovered around a bit. So when he saw the pale and ghostly figure of Cassie moping around the house he was less than sympathetic , he just wanted to chill out , pop some whizz and a few acid tabs , get blind drunk and visit the whore-house , he really didn't need her teen angst rubbish right now.Nevertheless he pretended to care and asked the skeletal figure what her problem was.

''Boo hoo ,boohoo, '' the sobbing wretch replied,'' I've run out of fake tan , and there's none in stock in the shops , and I can't go out looking white , I would look ridiculous ,I need my orange colour back!! sniff,sob.''

Super Flynn listened to her , as all great counsellors do, without interrupting and with a look of concern on his face. As she finished her sob-story he looked her directly in the eye and told her to ...''Get a life!!'' he then laughed ,poppped a few more pills and went out to get bladdered!

Super Flynn went by the diner , having got an attack of the munchies , and saw Amanda trying to drown Leah in a vat of chilli ,whilst Dan looked on.

It was obvious to Flynn's highly trained eye that Dan was not really trying to help Leah , so he decided not to stick his beak in either ....let the best woman win ,he thought to himself.He was just about to leave the diner when he saw yet another resident in dire need of his counselling skills.Irene was sobbing into her cup of coffee , she told Super Flynn that unless she agreed to Hyde keeping his kids (goat variety) then they were finished ,but she couldn't stand them.

Super Flynn thought about this , and came up with a brilliant solution , they should use the goats to make goat curry ,once Hyde tasted the delicious curry he would want more and more until the goat problem literally disappeared. They set to immediately cooking the delicious meal of curried goat , rice and peas ....ofcourse they had to chuck Amanda and Leah out of the kitchen first , but as they carried on fighting outside the diner Dan wasn't too upset .The residents started placing bets on the winner of this fight....Amanda was stronger , but Leah's terrible shrill voice was starting to wear her down ...who would win this fight??And what was the little brat Ryan up to??

Cassie sneaked out of the house in her pursuit of fake tan ....but who is following her and why??

Alf stood at the waters edge fishing when Eric/Dalby/Ric came up to him...''can I have some money for an ice cream?'' he asked Alf .

''Who the hell are you, with your freaky staring eyes , get away!'' shouted an alarmed Alf.

''I'm your grandson,'' Eric/Ric/Dalby replied.

''Don't be stupid,'' Alf replied , ''my grandson can't eat ice-cream, he's diabetic .''

''But I am your grandson ,'' pleaded Eric/Ric/Dalby '' and I was just pretending to be diabetic because I'm a heroin addict,that's why I have to live with Super Flynn ,soI can get my fix.''

''Rack off!!'' replied wise old Alf ...he wasn't falling for the kid's lies!! Grandson indeed!!

A new family had just moved into the Bay ...a do-gooding father who had scored a job as school janitor and was deluded into thinking he ran the school and was determined to put a stop to the pupils' extra-curricular activities with Sally ....a nosy cop son who's first unpopular act was to break up Leah and Amanda's fight and who then increased his unpopularity by trying to shut down Beth's brothel....and a younger son who immediately developed a crush on Eric/Dalby/Ric and vowed to get him off the heroin .......how could the Bay fight back against such do-gooding evil??!!!!!

Meanwhile Hayley kissed her plank of wood and talked to her imaginary baby....she would have to think of a name for it ...maybe Splinter????

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Chapter 3

Eric/Ric /Dalby the saint surprised himself that he was attracted to the male newcomer. Cassie breathed a sigh of relief as she didn‘t know how to tell saint Eric/Ric Dalby the saint he was as boring as hell and a big let down in bedroom department. She was setting her sights much, much higher! Cassie’s flirting was as confusing for her as it was for the male population of the bay!

Morag was still doing what she does best reels in her clients and charms the pant off them and as soon as there back is turned she dig’s for as much dirt as she can find quicker than Alf can reel in a fish!. She thought Josie was a hard cunning bitch, but she was not a patch on Dr Jeckle /Hyde Diana Frazer, Morag has defiantly met her match!

Meanwhile Irene was trying to get Hayley an appointment with the one and only super Flynn! The doc who is always there no matter what no crisis is ever too big for super Flynn! Unlike his own family he keeps on forgetting about no wonder Our Sally got involved in a bit of extra curricular activity with a pupil called Diesel who you could notice a mile off as he was wearing the worst ever fake nose ring ever!. Dan was happy that the nosy cop had just rescued Amanda and Leah as he could now have his cake and eat it!

Irene had just received some fantastic news she had received a video tape from someone with very shaky hands and they were wearing a bear disguise videoing someone who was also wearing a bear disguise giving birth to a girl and boy! Irene was very puzzled for a minute until she heard the familiar saying "I love you babe!" Then she realised it was KK! Kirsty had finally given birth, as she must have been in her 60th week of pregnancy easy! Irene was crying so much she saw two bear head’s she first thought it was the twin’s but then she dried her eyes and realised it was KK!.

Meanwhile over at Leah’s house Ryan and V.J where trying not to burst out laughing at Maddy, who was wear nearly as much makeup as Diesel!

She was on the phone to Alf who was at the diner filling her in about what had just happened to Amanda and Leah. She was asked to look after the kids for a few more hours while Dan Amanda and Leah were heading over to Flynn’s surgery for one of his famous mediation sessions.

Colleen was still trying to track down Super Flynn, unaware is was getting his face kicked in by mum of a child who’s rucksack he’d just picked up by mistake whist he was having a breather as it was such hard work jogging from the Diner to the beach. No matter how much running he did, he was still putting on weight! he didn’t realise that when Sally put out the lunch bags for the kids she was fostering Flynn took the lot as he assumed they were all his! Meanwhile the kids had credit bill’s as long as there arm at the school tuck shop and canteen.

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Chapter FOUR !!!

Irene, with the help of “pregnant†hayley (and her imaginary blank of wood “boyfriend†Kimmy) is busy cooking THAT goat curry meal Dr Super Flynn suggested. Irene quickly discovers that having hayley help her a BAD idea - and not just for the obvious (dumb blonde) reasons. It seems like Hayley’s “pregnancy†craving is the goat curry. What will Irene do about the ravenous Hayley?

Whilst Irene is having trouble on the hayley/goat curry front, Irene has a brainwave about another matter. She decides to use the Bay’s new nosy cop (named Jack) for her own advantage. She knows that Jack is a cop who wants justice to be served and for everything to be “right†with the world. Irene is pleased when Jack is VERY willing to the person who ACTUALLY committed the robbery that Kane was charged with. Jack assures Irene that KK can return to the bay, not if but WHEN he finds the REAL thief. Irene was pleased with this news, as was everyone else in the bay, partic Sally (whose extra circular activities with students could continue unabated) and Beth (whose brothel was now just a blip of nosy cop Jack’s radar).

Irene, however, wanted to get a message to KK - telling them about nosy cop Jack’s relentless plans - but Irene doesn’t want this news to be part of the usual bayside grapevine. Irene decides that super brain Robbie would be the best person to speak to about this. Irene went to Robbie & Tasha's love nest (a cave in the bush) and she asked Robbie for his ideas. Robbie said the PERFECT plan - but Irene couldn't hear him - as Robbie, as usual, was mumbling. Irene was annoyed at herself for not remembering that Tash is the only one who is "in tune with" Robbie enough to hear what he's saying. Irene took Robbie with her as she looked for tash. Robbie & Irene were SHOCKED when they finally found Tasha - but just what is Tash up to which caused all this concern?

Tilly wasn’t concerned with the silly opinions of the like of VJ. Tilly, however, was harbouring a DARK secret. Indeed, it’s the very reason she deliberately attracts all the boys at school to her. She’s MADLY in love with Henry – and its for that reason that Henry went away (to supposed join some dance company) but Henry is REALLY in the city so, when Tilly visits him (every weekend) that can spend a passionate few days together, without everyone in the bay gossiping about them.

What Tilly doesn’t know, is that someone has discovered her secret – but who is this person, and how will they try to blackmail Tilly?

Leah, Amanda & Dan are at their mediation session with Dr Super Flynn – who seems to be eating every thing in sight. Amanda & Leah are oblivious to Flynn’s obvious problems as they’ve both made an amazing discovery – Amanda & Leah have realised that they are in love with each other. Will they tell Dan this – and how will he react?

Elsewhere, Cassie continues her seemingly endless search for fake tan. It seems that no store in Australia has any stock. Cassie then discovers that there’s been a recall in all the fake tan – as someone has contaminated all the stock. Cassie is shocked to discover that she knows the person who has done this – it’s Colleen, but why has the bay’s resident gossip done this???

Scott, who is VERY annoyed that Martha has his flannelette shirt, sneaks into her room when she’s not there. He takes his skirt back – but he also takes the only skirt that Martha owns. Will Scott try on the skirt? And how will Martha react when she discovers her shirt, & her only skirt, are missing?

Osiejay Ashaty

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Jack's decision to ignore Beth's Bordello was completely the wrong one ...but hey! he's a cop in Summer Bay so he's not likely to get it right is he!! The real fugitive from the armed robbery , Gus Phillips, was infact living the life of Riley with his new love Beth. Beth was instantly attracted to the criminal because he reminded her so much of her two ex-husbands. He had the same viscious temper as Rhys Sutherland and the same love of alcohol as Jack Hunter ...moreover he had a wonderful way with Beth's wayward children. Robbie and Matilda did everything the bike chain brandishing maniac told them to do , and even better Henry had mysteriously disappeared. Beth told everyone that he had gone ''to the City'' but that was basically Summer Bay speak for 'the little bugger has disappeared.'' Beth suspected that Gus had probably beaten Henry to death and disposed of the body , but even she had to admit that he was no great loss and old man Phillips was such a demon in the sack that she didn't really care! Infact the only person who seemed to have noticed that Henry was missing was Beth's oldest son Simple Scott Hunter , who was so incredibly stupid that no one listened to him anyway. Simple Scott Hunter did however contact Kane , and since Kane had allowed Simple Scott to play on his boat sometimes ,they had formed a bit of a bond , so although he wasn't sure if Simple Scott was making it all up he decided to sneak back to Summer Bay to see if his dad really was there....and he enlisted the help of his own brother Saintly Scotty P , a man so good and noble that even the Pope would seek his advice! Will the Phillip's brothers be able to outwit their devious father before there is another DEATH in Summer Bay....and will Simple Scott Hunter ever grow a brain??!!And someone else has noticed Henry's disappearance.....will his sister spill the beans or will she BLACKMAIL Gus and Beth??!!

Meanwhile Dr. SuperFlynn was getting more and more ravenous ,his man-boobs were reaching gargantuan proportions and no matter how far he jogged every morning his belly continued to swell ....the other Summer Bay residents began joking that maybe baby Pippa would be getting a brother or sister soon ....but was there any truth to this rumour ...could SuperFlynn be the world's first pregnant man??!! Will Summer Bay have yet another PREGNANCY??!!

Cassie was growing mad with despair , there were no fake tanning lotions for sale anywhere in Australia , she had tried using a sunbed and even sunbathing but she just shrivelled up and turned nut-brown like an ancient wrinkly walnut ...she wanted to be orange no other colour would do. The sun had this effect on Cassie for another reason ...she harboured a DARK SECRET ....Cassie was infact ninety-seven years old and hid the fact by having numerous face lifts and other plastic surgery procedures ...but her youthful facade could only be maintained with the fake tan .......what would Cassie do when she discovered that Colleen (her junior by two years) was infact responsible for her demise ...why had Colleen contaminated the fake-tan ....and did she know Cassie's DARK SECRET.

Simple Scott Hunter was walking along the beach when he came across Hayley ....he had previously lived in the same house as Hayley and known her for years , but he forgot , and consequently it was as though he was meeting her for the very first time. Blonde Hayley did not realise that he had forgotten all about her and wondered why he was asking her name. She introduced herself and her imaginary boyfriend Plank , when suddenly Simple Scott was overcome with feelings of jealousy towards the lump of wood. He wanted Hayley for himself and tried to convince her that they were in love. In the end ,just to shut him up , Hayley agreed that Scott could be her boyfriend too, but the ''baby'' had to be the Planks because she had already told everyone that Plank was the father. Simple Scott agreed ,for he had fallen madly in love with Hayley....but would Simple Scott remember her tomorrow .....and would Simple Scott's jealousy RIP THEM APART.And why was he wearing a skirt??!!

Dan was enjoying watching his ex-wife Amanda and his new wife Leah making love , but for some strange reason they did not enjoy his voyerism ,especially since they had invited someone else to join them....who was the third member of this LOVE TRIANGLE .....and why did Dan become so angry when he found out??Is Dan capable of MURDER??!!

Irene stood with a shocked look on her face ...Robbie screamed in terror ...the sight of Hyde and Tasha in a passionate naked embrace was too much for the boffin. He burst into tears and sat rocking backwards and forwards ....Tasha asked what the matter was , Mr.Hyde was just helping her with her homework. Just then they heard a loud crash , an airplane had fallen out of the sky .As they ran to the scene of the FATAL ACCIDENT ,they passed by Ric/Eric/Dalby begging his dealer for a fix of Crack cocaine .....but who was the mysterious dealer??

As they reached the site of the FATAL ACCIDENT , forty-five seconds after the plane had crashed , they were relieved to see that Alf ,SuperFlynn and the rest of the orange-suited SES team had already got there and were drinking their third cup of tea. Luckily the only fatality was some bloke that no one knew so that was allright. Cassie looked enviously at the orange suits the SES team were wearing ,if only she could be as orange as them , she wished. She had to steal a suit ,but who would she take it off , her eyes fell on the handsome figure of Lance Smart .Cassie decided that seducing Lance would get her the orangeyness she craved and would also give her access to Colleen Smarts evil plans ....but who was really the evil one ..Cassie or Collen ...who was the BAY'S NEW BITCH??!!

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Chapter SIX !!!

Jack's search for Gus Phillips continued without success. Th cop was now SO frustrated that he was throwing the book at ppl for even the most minor offences. the other police in the bay were getting V worried as the jail cells of the Bay's small police station were being filled to absolute breaking point - as Jack had arrested many nameless ppl in the town and locked them up.

finally, with the cells packed, Tilly decided that she MUST risk her life (and a thousand million beating with THAT bike chain) by dobbing in her mum's lover, Gus. Tilly was eagerly assisted by KK - who were V pleased that they would be able to live in Summer Bay again.

Jack was V appreciative of the actions of Tilly & KK, and decided to nominate them for a bravery award - to be presented in a gala ceremony so all the bay could applaud the action of Tilly & KK.

Beth, however, didn't care how evil Gus was. All she care about is that he was SUBLIME in bed. Beth decide that KK & her own daughter Tilly MUST pay for their actions. Beth decided that she would VERY publicly DESTROY Tilly and KK - but Beth wondered how she would do this ???

Flynn decides to go with his instincts. he went to the hospital - and asked his old friend Nurse Julie to check if he is indeed pregnant. Nurse Julie was, well, not really surprised by the request - she knew she was living in the weirdest bay side town in the known universe. Nurse Julie discovered that Flynn isn't pregers - he's just MEGA obese - but Nurse Julie decides that she would used Flynn's thoughts against him - and for her own benefit. Nurse Julie HERSELF impregnated Flynn - as she HATED the only female humans could currently give birth. Nurse Julie also wanted the glory of being the 1st person to successfully impregnate a human male. will Flynn discover the SHOCKING truth, or will someone else ???

Meanwhile, Flynn decided to go shopping for a maternity bra as even though Sally is VERY well elbowed, even her bras couldn't support those man boobs of his. Irene, who was working part time at the store was surprised that Flynn was asking for her advice about choosing a maternity bra. Will Flynn admit that the bra is for him, or will he be able to convince Irene that (somehow) Sally is preggers and needs one ???

elsewhere, simple Scott (still wearing the skirt he stole from Martha) decided to take action in the battle of Hayley's heart.Simple Scott went to the local timber yard - as surely the plank (aka Hayley's imaginary boyfriend Kimmy) MUST live there - with the rest of his "family". simple Scott started up his chainsaw - and began destroying ALL the timber in the yard. as he was doing so, Mad Martha approached. Although she ALWAYS dressed like a male, Martha was LIVID that Simple Scott had HER skirt. Mad Martha charged at simple Scott - even though he still had THAT chainsaw in his hand.

Saintly Scott P sensed the nearby danger and quickly charged to the timber Yard. would Saintly Scott P - with all his wisdom - be able to find a solution that would a appease both simple Scott AND Mad Martha ???

Leah, Amanda & Tony (the other member of their 3some) HATED that Dan constantly watched them. they decided to ask him pay for the privilege, but even thought they were charging him THOUSANDS of dollars to do so, Dan just kept on watching the threesome and their awesome bedroom antics. Ton decided to "get heavy" with Dan - because he REALLY hated Dan watching him make love to Leah & Amanda, but Dan had something over Tony. Dan had discovered why Tony is such a hypocrite, IE why IS tony all too happy to be involved in a 3some with Amanda & Leah, and yet at the same time, be trying to stop Sally from sleeping with the students of SBH ???

speaking of Sally, she was SHOCKED to discover that little baby Pippa is Ric/Eric/dalby's cocaine dealer. sally truly can't comprehend how this can be possible - but then she discovers that baby Pippa is REALLY a short alien who has taken the place of sally's child. Sally decides to find out where her dauhter truly is. the alien pretending to be baby Pippa won't tell sally were the REAL baby Pippa is, so sally bribes (with the most AWESOME sex EVER in the history of the universe) the biggest, meanest student at SBH, to get the info from alien impostor. Will Sally's plan be a success????

elsewhere, Cassie convinces the (rather stupid) lance to remove the VERY orange SES suit - with the pretence that she wants to sleep with him. Cassie then grabs the suit and runs - but this moment of stupidity from Cassie reveals her TRUE self (a shrivelled up, 97 year old hag) to ALL the other residents of the bay. Everyone now thinks that the Cassie in an evil WITCH (as in the flying broomstick kind, not just the polite way of saying BITCH).

Cassie tries to convince that others that she is just a woman who never wanted to reveal how TRULY old she was, but the like of Alf, Hyde & Jack don't believe her. They order that Cassie should be dunked several times in the river. If she lives, it proves she is a WITCH, if she dies, well, it proves they were wrong and there's one less hagged old person in the world!!!! What will happen to Cassie?

Osiejay Ashtay

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Jack's superiors were not pleased with his actions. The tiny jail was full to overcrowding and they had to pay good tax payers money to feed these people.Since they were all nameless unimportant dispensable people Jack figured it would be OK for them to''disappear''....he accidentally on purpose left the cell doors open , and when the nameless crowd tried to effect an escape he whipped out his semi-automatic and shot them all. The townsfolk were a bit shocked at his actions , but after a town meeting at which he bought everyone a beer they soon forgave him and told the distraught rellys of the dead people to rack off.His superiors however were less impressed ,he had wasted a lot of ammo and used the police funds to buy the beers , so the pressure was really on Jack now to find Gus Phillips and redeem himself.

Jack searched Beth's bordello in vain , but apart from a very ugly 'lady of the night' wearing a very bad wig ,he found no one there.As he left the establishment the 'lady of the night' winked at Beth ,who replied by winking back and nearly gave the game away with a girlish giggle ...for the 'lady of the night' was none other than evil Gus Phillips.

Beth found herself curiosly turned on by Gus's disguise and begged him to dress like that for her all the time. What will Gus's response be??!!

Mad Martha was foaming at the mouth ...all set to attack Simple Scott Hunter and rip her skirt off him when gentle Saintly Scotty P intervened. He stood between them ,looking wondefully serene and began a mysterious chant. Immediately they both calmed down ,and peace was restored. Simple Scott begged Mad Martha to let him keep her shirt...and amazingly she did , but only if he let her wear his shirt.A deal was struck and Saintly Scotty P knew that his peace-keeping ways had worked yet again.

Hayley was sitting on the beach staring gormlessly at a pebble ,when she felt a ''vision'' coming on. She had not yet realised that her ''visions'' were nothing to do with supernatural powers ,but were rather a result of careless mushroom picking.The vision showed the Plank of wood floating on the sea with another smaller plank,Simple Scott was there too ...as was a crab. Hayley immediately interpreted this nonsense as meaning that Simple Scott was cheating on her with a crab ,and that her unborn plank may infact be Simple Scott's baby. She ran to the Beach House to tell Irene her earth shattering news ...but when Irene replied rather sarcastically that ''Hayley's visions were never wrong'' she ignored the sarcasm and decided that she should do the noble thing and let Simple Scott be with the crab. So when later that day Hayley gave Simple Scott the cold shoulder and muttered something about not standing in the way of the crab , Simple Scott was clearly confused. He went to tell his new wardrobe-buddy Mad Martha about this latest development,but she was as bored with Simple Scott's relationship with Hayley as the rest of mankind and told him to''tell someone who cares.'' Simple Scott had to think long and hard before he remembered the only person who cared about his problems was Beth. He ran to Beth's Bordello and walked in without knocking (the Hunter children have no manners) only to encounter Gus dressed as a 'lady of the night' making mad passionate love to Beth.

Will Simple Scott be traumatised by this gruesome sight ...and if so how woud we be able to tell?? Will he tell anyone about what he has seen ...will anyone believe him???

Sally was furious at Flynn's news!! ''How could you be pregnant!!'' she screamed. Her wrath was understandable ,after all she had been so repulsed by her husbands obese body that she had even pretended to be infertile just so she wouldn't have to touch him...so she knew a hundred percent that the baby was not hers. But who's was it ...Sally was determined to find out. She sent Flynn out of the room and put him on detention for a month for his misdemeanor ,then she rang Wazza and promised him an 'A' in his next test if he came over and pleasured her...poor Sally really needed to relax!!

Will Sally discover Nurse Julie's wicked plot ...and will Wazza's parents be suspicious of his 'A' grade test result??

Ric was scoring heavily off alien baby Pippa ,and her supplies were running low ...she had been saving her alien heroine for herself ,not knowing what effect it would have on a human being , but since spoilt brat Ric/Eric/Dalby had sold his new state of the art fishing gear he was prepared to pay a hefty sum for heroine. Alien baby Pippa's greed won over and she sold him the dodgy heroine ,but didn't tell him that it may harm him.

What hideous side effects will the dodgy alien heroine have on spoilt brat Dalby/Eric/Ric??

Kirsty and Kane were kissing and hugging on the beach when they saw something resembling a cross between a prune and a walnut run past ....''What's up with Cassie?'' asked Kirsty. ''Dunno ,Babe ,'' Kane replied as a lynch mob appeared around the corner to capture the ancient crone. They dragged her to the swiming pool and proceeded to carry out the scientific investigation into whether or not Cassie really was a witch...ie. dunking her.

Cassie survived the dunking and was declared a witch ...the Baysiders decided that she had to be put to death ..but noone knew how to kill a witch. Af wisely decided that they would just have to try their best until they came across the best method.Trigger-happy cop Jack shot her ....she lay bleeding to death and the townsfolk went to the Bar to celebrate. However their celebrations were premature as the hag waited until they had gone and crept away .....what method of killing Cassie would the Baysiders try next?? And will it work??

Dan realised that Amanda,Leah and Tony were plotting against him ....help would come from an unlikely source ,but what was Ryan really up to??

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just a few ppl who love to SERIOUSLY play around with our fave - and not so fave - Summer Bay residents !!!!!

OK fans, enjoy the latest wonderful piece of our masterpiece !!!!


Bordello Beth suggested that Gus should dress like a woman when they made love. Gus HATED the idea - but then Bordello Beth SHOCKED him. Gus knew that Bordello Beth (by profession) was spectacular in bed - but he didn't know that Bordello Beth is a SUPREME dominatrix. Bordello Beth quickly got into her fave leather catsuit and grabbed her fave whips. Gus REALLY liked that Bordello Beth (at least in the bedroom) was VERY similarly minded to himself - so he eagerly kept his woman's disguise on, and Gus was pleasantly surprised that the sublime in bed Bordello Beth was now even BETTER. Bodrdello Beth, however, in dominatrix mode, was now looking for someone with a greater sexual ability than Gus. Who will Bordello Beth choose ????

The skirt wearing Simple Scott was shocked at what he saw - Simple Scott thought Bordello Beth was having sex with another woman. this gave simple Scott an idea - since the "pregnant" Hayley had rejected him, and his mum was with a woman, Simple Scott decided that maybe a same sex relationship was the way to go as well. Simple Scott thought about which guys he liked in the bay. simple Scott knew that he was friends with Kane, but Kane (of course) had a soul mate in Kirsty. Simple Scott realised that Saintly Scotty P would be a GREAT boyfriend. Simple Scott approached Saintly Scotty P - but how would the ever peaceful Scotty P react ???

Elsewhere, Mad Martha removed her own flanelette shirt and put on Simple Scott's shirt. Immediately, Martha's breasts began to shrink. she quickly ripped off Simple Scott's shirt but it wasn't enough. Mad Martha was now flat chested like a guy (or a pre pubescent girl). Mad Martha REALLY liked her breasts - and has willing to do ANYTHING to get them back. Mad Martha KNEW (like everyone) that Cassie is a WITCH. Mad Martha found the wounded Cassie and offered to protect her form trigger happy Jack and the others, if Cassie would restore Mad Martha to her former (ie WITH breasts) state. The wounded Cassie wants to help Mad Martha, but she looks into Mad Martha's soul - and discovers something that makes her think twice about Mad Martha. what has Cassie discovered ???

Wazza arrives up at van park house. the scantily clad Sally was REALLY pleased to see him. Sally told Wazza that if he pleasured her more that she ever been pleasured before she give him an A++ on his next exam. Wazza knows that he is a slacker at school, but with the A++ he can have the marks to achieve his dreams (without the scholastic effort).

Sally is indeed VERY pleasured by Wazza - and in this state of TOTAL sexual exhilaration, Sally gets in tough with the universe like she never had before. Sally, in these great throes of passion, sees that its Nurse Julie who has impregnated Flynn. When Wazza & Sally are done, she tells him that an A+++ is on its way to him. Sally then charges to the hospital - what will happen when she confronts Nurse Julie ???

Dalby/Eric/Ric starts acting even weirder than usual - he always wants to be in the water, and feels very strange out of it. Dalby/Eric/Ric then notices that he is slowly changing into a fish. He spends more & more time in the ocean - to keep himself alive - but this speeds up the process. Dalby/Eric/Ric is now a fish. Things get worse when Alf throws in a line and catches him. Will Alf recognise Dalby/Eric/Ric ??? and who will the alien baby Pippa sell her drugs to now ???

Tilly approached Dan. She told him that she HATED seeing Amanda, Leah & Tony together. Tilly tells Dan that she wants to help him split that up. Dan thinks Tilly is reviled by the 3some as much as he is, but Tilly has an ulterior motive. Tilly is in LOVE with Amanda - and wants the ALWAYS low cut top wearing Miss Vale all to herself. Will Dan discover Tilly's secret love, and will Tilly & Dan succeed in breaking up the 3some ???

Osiejay Ashtay

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Gus saw Bordello Beth sneaking out of her house of ill-repute and followed her. He saw her meeting up with the respectable Mr.Hyde (or Mr.Whippy as he liked to be called in the bed-room)....Gus knew that he could crush Hyde in one of his bare (psychopathic) hands ,but he quite enjoyed the role of STALKER and besides he knew someone who would do the job far better than him.

Gus stealthily made his way to the Beach House and picked the lock whilst everyone slept.He crept up to Irene's room and gently woke her ,whilst placing his gloved hand over her mouth to prevent her from screaming. Gus stopped Irene from calling the cops with a few slaps (for her own good , she was hysterical), and explained to her what her lothario boyfriend was up to with Bordello Beth. Will Irene KILL Hyde...or Bordello Beth ..or both??!!!!!! and who will Gus STALK next??!!!

Saintly Scotty P gently explained to the skirt wearing Simple Scott Hunter that he was remaining celebate until he met his soul-mate. Just then Kit appeared on the beach where they were talking and reminded Simple Scott to take his medication. As she looked up ,her eyes met Saintly Scotty P's eyes , their gazes locked for an eternity ,only to be broken by Simple Scott farting rather loudly. Kit introduced herself , and Saintly Scotty P was amazed that this dazzlingly beautiful and intelligent woman could be related to Simple Scott Hunter. Feeling she could trust Saintly Scotty P , even though they had only just met, she told him of the DARK SECRET the Hunter family had kept for all these years. Simple Scott was not Bordello Beth's real son ....she had found him in a rubbish skip ....so who was Simple Scott's real mother????!!!!

Cassie tries her witchcraft on Mad Martha.... but she is an exceedingly bad witch and instead of growing luscious breasts on her chest they grow on her back. Martha now resembles a hunch-back ....she is so distraught at this that she pushes Cassie under the wheels of a truck that some nameless unimportant person is driving. Cassie is crushed under the wheels ,the truck swerves and topples onto it's side ,exploding into flames. The nameless person DIES ...but Cassie crawls away ...her evil witch powers mean she cannot be killed by a truck. Martha vows to find out how to kill the witch ....who helps her???!!!!

Wazza unfortunately died during some auto-erotic experimentation at the caravan park with Sally. She is side-tracked from seeking REVENGE on nurse Julie by this sudden TWIST OF FATE. How will she COVER UP THE DEATH of her less than able (and not very important ) pupil ???!!!

Flynn secretly attended birthing classes with nurse Julie ....how long before others get SUSPICIOUS of the nurse??!!

Alf caught a wonderful fish and was about to cook it on the barbecue when it spoke to him,telling him it was his grandson ....Alf assumed this was a side-effect of the drugs he had bought from baby Pippa...but the fish didn't look so tasty after that , so he flung it back in the bucket of water.What will happen to Alf after taking the alien DRUGS...will there be another LIFE OR DEATH MEDICAL EMERGENCY in the Bay???!!

Henry sneaked back from the City ,because Tilly had been ignoring his text messages ...he changed his name to Lucas and moved in with the family next door (no one noticed ...but then no one noticed anything Henry did)...he told Tilly that since he now had a new identity they could go back to having their incestuous rellationship. But Tilly was too engrossed in the Amanda ,Leah,Tony LOVE TRIANGLE to care about him. Henry/Lucas vowed to SPLIT the LOVE TRIANGLE up so that Tilly would turn her attention back onto him!!!Will he succeed???!!!

Dan was ACCIDENTALLY SHOT by Jack , who apparently mistook him for a koala bear .....Flynn was operating on him , but decided to have a bit of a lunch break (he is eating for two now after all)....will anyone come forward to finish off the emergency surgery??!!!

Kirsty and Kane cannot believe it when they hear Gus's voice coming from Irene's room, they try to contact Saintly Scotty P , but he's busy with Kit and not picking up ....Kane forces Irene's bedroom door open and he sees .......???!!!!

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Kane burst into Reenins room just as Jack had shot Gus and Reenie managed to escape through the window.There was a sound of a distant humm of the warn out Summer Bay rescue helicopter rotors it was out so much they couldn't get it in for it's monthly service!!.

Peter was on the ground in his car they were chasing Jack as he knew the next time he shot someone they were not going to keep covering for his mistakes!.

The thing was the residents were getting fed up of clearing Super Flynn's vomit up! They did not realise he had morning, noon, evening, night morning sickness! They just assumed he had developed an eating obsession due the stress of been the only Doc in summer bay No the earth!

Saintly Scotty P, ACCIDENTLEY over heard Barry and Don Fisher talking about been sexually frustrated about having to sneak into the brothel were big jugs Josie and Bordello Beth worked there butts off!!.

He came up with a great Idea to spend all the hundred’s of thousands of dollars he had acquired over the year's, he decided buy a mini bus that would travel further away to the residents who didn't have a big jugs Josie and Bordello Beth working in there town!!. Bordello Beth was happy as she could broaden her horizzons on finding a nures to cover her tracks about her finding Simple Scott in a rubbish skip!.

Meanwhile Tilly was happy to keep Henry/Lucas entertained he was her warm up before she went to spy on the Amanda ,Leah,Tony LOVE TRIANGLE she was secretly wishing that she'd get to join them. Flynn rubbed his sore man boobs and back. When a bout of nausea suddenly hit him while he was taking a break on operating on Gus, he waddled the best he could to the nearest Loo and of course taking his lunch with him.

Sorry It's a rather short chapter as I stupidly closed it by mistake and had to write most of it again. :huh::rolleyes:. I'm too tired to add anymore so I will continue the rest tomorrow sometime....

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