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Everybody God Dam Chillax


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Title: Everybody God Dam Chillax

Type of Fic: Short/Medium Fiction

Main Characters: Matt Evie VJ Billie Hunter Oliva, John Justin Phoebe

Genre: Comedy

BTTB Rating:  A

Does it contain spoilers: No for Australia (maybe for UK pace?)

Warnings: ADULT THEMES! 

(I will give additional warnings at the start of each chapter if necessary)

Summary: Billie and VJ's honeymoon is anything but prefect


Chapter 1


The white pasty mixture made a very unpleasant runny plopping sound as it fell from the overturned spoon that Matt was holding. The splash back reaction from this mixture paying any resemblance to rice pudding was questionable. it certainly didn’t look like rice pudding too thick. Matt cringed as he was hit in the face with droplets of the mush, his mouth opened with shock of the force of the splash back had caused some to enter into his mouth. The taste nope not rice pudding more like wallpaper paste he could now confirm and thank his lucky stars he hadn’t felt the hunger to have a bowl, of the small amount that had made its way into his mouth Matt was finding it hard to chew.


Matt lifted the corner of his manky bed sheets to wipe the white muck from his face. The nurses who had lost all their sexiness for him long ago would soon be here to change the sheets and give him a bed bath. It caused him great pain to move he would rather lie in the built up days of dirt. Matt supposed he should just be thankful to be alive every cloud and that. His sense humour had seemed to have vanished and no amount of good cheer and upbeat behaviour from the nurses seemed to break his cycle of depression..


VJ’s screeching sounds of wheel spins and yelping of excitement of having achieved his most impressive wheeie yet was grating on him and Matt wanted to just turn towards him and cause VJ to fall to the floor backwards. Matt could see that happen with one quick flick of his finger and the wheelchair that he hated so much would be toppled over and VJ would then have no choice but to shut up telling him how cool his set of wheels were, even though Matt had to admit to himself that the reflective speed stripes and glow in the dark skulls chains were pretty badass The prefect getaway vehicle, But to come to think of it Matt dreamed that his getaway would involve walking somehow. He sometimes wheeled himself down the hospital hallways at night in the hope of finding a vent to escape through then Matt would remember that was a silly dream he could no longer climb or even stand up without assistance. Justin Morgan’s Motors had a lot to answer for and a cheap odd present of giving Matt a programmed sat nav with Justin’s voice mumbling directions to you was no way to make up for having a car gush your legs making them as useful as mash potato. Yes they may look fill of potential wonder but when you look abit deeper they are fill of blandness and are nothing more than lifeless stumps that are desperate in the hope of one day finding that cheese to spark the road to recovery.. Matt had a a lot of time on his hands these days so comparing his legs to mash potato was but a random thought that made it seem worth it in the end and to use cheese as a way of a  metaphor to walking again seemed fitting everyone likes cheese


“Aren’t you going to eat that?” VJ asked motioning his head towards Matt’s bowl of rice pudding..


“Eat it are you serious? I can’t even chew it”


“Don’t let my Mum hear you say that she thinks she’s whizz in that hospital kitchen here lets try some” VJ said standing up from Matt’s chair.


“Knock yourself out” Matt muttered.


VJ smiled as he reached towards the spoon unaware that huge chunk of his shorts had become jammed between the wheel spokes of the chair.


Matt turned when he heard VJ’s surprised frustration.


“Mate I’m trapped my shorts their caught up in your wheels what do I do?” VJ asked looking at Matt with worry of tearing his favourite surfer shorts to shreds.


“Give them a good yank that always works for me”  Matt said smiling the thought of VJ suddenly ripping his shorts amused him that was how desperate he was for highlights and watching as his mate fraught his need to keep his modestly was somewhat better than the daily visits of Roo leaving him brunches of grapes.

VJ yanked and yanked at his shorts but the wheels of Matt’s wheelchair held its ground tightening the grip around VJ’s crotch area. Matt laughed as he watched the beads of sweat start to melt down VJ’s face.


“Oh yeah Matt you just lie there and laugh” 


“I can’t do much else thanks for the one man show dude”



Nate turned towards Tori and raised his eyebrow.


“Glad to hear someone’s having fun today”

Tori rolled her eyes as Nate opened the door to Matt’s room and walked inside. He missed by mere inches of having a face full of rice pudding as the bowl of rice flew across the room lucky for him not so lucky for Tori who got the  full extent of the rice’s creaminess curtsy  of VJ head butting it off Matt’s food trolley.


“Watch out.. oh shame its not egg on your face Tori.. “Nate said smugly.


Tori groaned and tried to wipe away the white substance of the creamy pudding but to her alarm it had seemed to set like cement making Matt laugh even more. Maybe VJ should come visit him more.. The head of emergency was stood before everyone looking like she had just come into work forgetting she was wearing a mud mask.


“You look abit creamed off there Tori” Nate said a hint of real hatred in his voice..


“Nate please I…”


“Now Matt I would like to tell you that….”

Tori nudged Nate out of the way and stepped forward and grabbing at Matt’s files as she did so

“No Matt I would like to tell you that your recovery will be…”

“Nate barged into Tori grabbing and taking Matt’s files.

“No oh no you will like this Matt Your like this very much in fact I can safety say your..”


“I’m what for goodness sake will one of you tell me, are my legs going to fall off or something?”


“Yes” Nate answered with a serious looking expression.


“What really what” Matt asked looking shell shocked by this startling news.


“No Mate he was talking to me” VJ said as he staggered over with a black eye from colliding with the rice bowl.


“Nate I will see to VJ” Tori said stepping forwards.


“So my legs aren’t going to drop off then?” Matt asked


“You’re like that wouldn’t you”  Nate answered back


“Errr no not at all I like my legs thank you are you mad?” Matt answered back.

“No Matt Nate’s talking to Tori now” VJ answered his eye really hurt now he was going to have a shiner.


“Oh Nate why are you being like this?” Tori answered back.


“Oh I don’t know I thought I had a job that was until you came fluttered your eyelashes at me and said oh no not anymore buster”


“Oh stop being such a titting baby not in front of the patients”  Tori said gazing around towards a dumbfound Matt and a half blinded VJ.


“I’m the Superman of doctors around here Tori me” Nate said beating his chest and doing his bess King Kong impression.  


“If I want to tell Matt his legs are going to drop off I will and not you I… “Nate felt a quick sharp intake of coldness as Tori drenched him with the contents of Matt’s water jug… Matt had to admit he was feeling cheerful and he hadn’t felt like this in a long time, that all changed though as  Tori turned and uttered  the words you are going to have a bed bath now. Matt’s happiness levels started to drop that was until the door opened and a dark haired girl glided across the room’s threshold.


“Matt this is our newest trainee nurse Evie and she’s here to get you washed” Tori said smiling the cemented mask of rice cracked as she did so and fell to the floor.


“Wow man what’s this new nurse look like? I can only see a blurry outline” VJ said.


Matt threw back his covers and said

“VJ mate can you leave please I’m about to be cleansed by a goddess angel”


“Right ok cool I take it she’s fit then” VJ said staggering to his feet.


“Stay clear of women you two they are the devil they will steal your jobs your hopes and dreams you’re… Nate muttered.


“Oh yeah no worries there if Mum’s relationships are anything to go by I’m staying single forever no girl will turn my head” VJ said still staggering across the room.


“I can’t bloody see a thing I’m blind here, Matt have fun though make sure she reaches all your hard to reach places and……….oh my….VJ reached forwards and felt two smooth huge lumps very much the size of two melons beneath his fingers the blurry outline ahead of him was fuzzy ghostlike but he liked the outfit of the red gym top and black tight little shorts that this smooth feeling female was wearing


Hi I’m Billie I’m Matt’s  physio do you mind VJ felt his hands being lowered from the girls chest level and he felt himself blush


VJ staggered to the side to let her past and thought as his sight suddenly came back into focus, that love must be blind and one day someday he was going to marry said physio whose name was Billie and he had felt up as a way of a first greeting.



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Thanks for the comments the first chapter was only really a set up so now we can really get the madness started :lol:

Chapter 2

Present day


“We nearly there?” came the over  excited squeals of Luc Billie Ashford for about the millionth time since their little expedition to find Hunter and Olivia’s cute little dream home had started. The prefect place to come for a unforgettable honeymoon retreat according to the newly loved up new homeowners, They just loved it and VJ felt he would love it to if only he could find the god dam cosy inviting cabin. he was tired, sweaty and feeling rather grumpy, and having Luc pelt her little feet into the small of his back wasn’t helping. Billie turned to face her daughter in the backseat of their open topped jeep a present from VJ’s army buddy Jett Palmer.


“Luc calm down baby and listen to your music for a little bit longer ok?” Billie said reaching back to stroke the small girl’s hair, VJ couldn’t help but smile Luc really did look like a mini version of Billie.   


“No, no I bored music boring”


“Well read you book then”


“No, no, no I is bored reading boring too.”


“What do you want to do then baby?”


“I want pee pee”


“Will I stop?” VJ questioned gazing around for a tree or some greenery for Luc to go and do her  business.


“Here how about here? Ok Luc unlock your door.”


“Errr Veja I don’t think I don’t what the…” Billie asked her jaw looking like it was nearly hitting the floor.


VJ turned to see Billie had turned as white as a sheet. Following her gaze VJ’s eyes meet with the sight he had only ever viewed in the horror movies a huge vulture type bird monster creature was stood amongst the trees watching them with curiosity.

Luc turned and clapped her hands excitedly.


“Wooooo big bird
Sesame Street
I love Big Bird”


“Well this must be his angry uncle” VJ said turning to fiddle with the gear stick the dam thing wouldn’t move.


“VJ babe anytime now that would be great. I don’t want to be pecked to death by my daughter’s oversized childhood birdie friend”


“I would Bill but my stick is stiff  VJ couldn’t help but let out a girly giggle and a slight blush at his choice of words 


“Too early for that wait until we reach the bedroom” Billie said back giggling nervously. The chances of VJ getting treated to anything in the bedroom department ever again were pretty slim this mutant bird had nothing but murderous yellowish glint in its eyes.


VJ laughed as the gear stick came off in his hand but thankfully it wasn’t before it had chance to gain the right gear and send the still revving jeep into a over sped hyper drive shot out of a cannon sort of nosedive.  VJ gripped the steering wheel and grimaced as the jeep’s wheels bounced over the humpy and bumpy forest terrain. The thumbing of the vultures big clawed feet were a frightening sound behind them.


“We really should have gone to Disneyland” Billie screamed as she eyed the  brochure seemly to mock her with a picture of Mickey Mouse from the open glove compartment of the well shaken around jeep.


“I remember you saying the teacups would be lame and idea of SpaceMountain would make you sick. You said lets go have a relaxing time at Hunter and Olivia’s little romantic sounding home. They live out in the countryside we can get drunk underneath the stars while you tell me that you love me and…..”


“You can still tell me that but while you do put your foot down”Billie screamed.


The bird chased the jeep its head bobbing up and down to try and peck Luc on her head. She reached up and screamed with delight  VJ swerved  the jeep to the right sending a huge cloud of gritty dust to hit the bird in the face. It fell over causing a thunderous crash as it did so, Wailing or maybe even roaring it seemed to have been pained. VJ glanced back to watch the bird vanished back into the forest’s undergrowth once more feeling quite proud having just beaten a dinosaur like sized bird with  a jeep and not a tank.


“Text Matt and Evie and tell Matt no matter how much he fancies to do a spot of bird watching they are way not his type” VJ said breathlessly.


“Bird watching eh?” Billie asked having somehow all of a sudden forgot all about her fear of witnessing the sight of a mutant bird.


“You and Matt still do that do you? Why may I ask when you have supermodels like me and Evie worshiping the ground you walk on in  Matt’s case rolls across?”  Billie watched with amusement as she watched VJ fidget and open and close his mouth to try and find the words to hopefully score himself some brownie points and dig himself out of the hole he had dug himself into Not a big hole the huge bird had made when it had fallen over  crater sized that had been.. None the less VJ was in big trouble here.


“I I…..I errr I…”


“VJ Patterson am I not an enough for you?” Billie asked she made sure to use her breathy seduction Happy Birthday Mr President voice that she knew would send him weak at the knees.


“Well I’m waiting”

“I… Oh dam would you look at that Hunter’s calling us. Yo Hunter my man” VJ mouthed the words I love you across to Billie as he listened to Hunter question where they had gotten too.


“Well mate where on earth are you? and yeah you could have warned me about your attack pigeon.”


Hunter laughed nervously VJ and Billie hadn’t even arrived yet and already they might soon come to realise that where they were now living wasn’t quite up to code or in fact that dreamy. But Hunter told VJ he and Olivia just loved the place so peaceful so dreamy.  Hunter gulped though as VJ asked him how far away from them they were. VJ was surprised to hear that Hunter could pinpoint their exact location by the mention of some random apple trees with there seemly over shined apples hanging from their branches.. Mostly probably the reason why the bird like monsters had felt the need to attack more than likely was because these apple trees just happened to be next to their nesting ground each of the birds’ nests housing at least one enormous egg. Hunter and Olivia so often had to fight for their lives each time they went out apple picking. The birds thinking that their eggs were under threat.   


“Yeah so now you just head straight until you come to the rickety old bridge and then you….”


“Hang on what did you just say?” VJ asked raising a twitching eyebrow and looking quite sheepishly across at Billie, Who was looking rather freaked out,  Luc wasn’t scared though caught up in her childlike wonder she was happily screaming for the monster bird to come back she could see its beady  glow yellowish eyes amongst the trees staring back at them.


“I said you go across the bridge” Hunter said coughing to cover his slight stutter.

“Oh VJ you and Billie will love it here we love it don’t we Liv?”

VJ heard Olivia shout back “oh yes Hunter we so do”


“Get ready for a honeymoon fill of adventures Hunter said before he hung up.


“Well it’s just up here Hunter says so get ready Bill”

“Get ready for what that’s what I’m worried about” Billie asked sighing.

Well the honeymoon of a lifetime I’m sure that was just a glitch back there with the bird just too much birdseed in its diet” VJ said sounding anything but convincing. The bridge came into view looking as if it had been attack whist having a huge battle frought upon it.


On second thoughts That’s what we have to be ready for” VJ gripped Billie’s hand tightly The bridge was missing some of its panels of the panels that were left the wood looked to be rotting and the fragile rope tied to tree bark that looked to have been somehow brutally murdered by a overexcited woodpecker swung loosely in the sudden wind.


“Will that take our weight?” Billie asked.


“I’m 99.5 % sure that it will. But I would just like to say now that I love you and Luc very much you know just in case we…”


“Plunge to our death?”


VJ nodded.


Billie quickly turned to Luc and said..


 We might be going swimming really soon Luc.


Yaaaay and then we get to play with those long things down there in the water yaaaaaaaaaaay” Luc said pointing Billie turned with dread sweeping with her bones.


“Yes those long things as Luc so nicely put it were none other than killer swamp snakes. VJ edged the jeep onto the bridge and cringed with baited breath waiting for the sudden snap that was bound to happen. Maybe they should have walked across but then again the muddy puddles would have ruined his and Billie’s trainers not to mention Luc’s Frozen princess dress getting muddy was no way to start their honeymoon. Neither was dying really but having reached halfway across already there was hope Hope that..SNAP


“Whoa hold on” VJ screamed.


“Mummy we are going swimming” Luc was the first to tumble from the hanging jeep. VJ and Billie watched as she was swept away downstream. VJ still held tightly to Billie’s hand while gripping the steeling wheel with the other.


Luc had fallen into a tangle of snakes that surprisingly enough had made for a good cushioning. The Snakes hissed working their way around to face Luc they weren’t used to having someone fall into their lair. But they were ever so much grateful for the unexpected meal. The snakes little sharp razor teeth inched closer and closer towards little Luc’s arm The snakes slipped their heads around to face her,,, so close now so close to their meal ticket.………………Splash Luc screamed as a dozen rocks seemed to come from nowhere followed by a ape man beating his chest. Each of the large rocks knocked the snakes heads off course The ape man charged into the water and throw them aside with that he stuffed his catapult down his cotton like caveman pants and gathered Luc up into his arms and carried her to shore.. Placing her on the ground he pointed to himself and grunted


“I Marty Ash I Marty Ash”  


Luc looked confused but couldn’t help but laugh at this silly Man’s long blonde hair and over excited booming voice. 


“I Marty Ash I take you surfing through trees now” Marty grabbed Luc and swung upwards into the treetops.


VJ and Billie were sat abroad a  water rafting broad with a grumpy looking old man.


“Flaming galah’s what were you thinking you could have been killed. oh no not that flaming mongrel now” the tribal looking old man looked upwards to see Marty Ash the ape man swing and drop a small girl she fell into Billie’s lap while Marty Ash seemed not to notice he had lost something that’s what coming across a brunch of ripe bananas can do to ape men swinging through the forest not high attention spans you understand.


“Dangerous place this is why are you flaming here?”


“We are on honeymoon” VJ answered.


“Ha Strike me Roan you having flaming fun yet young fella?”


“Not exactly but hopefully now we will thanks for the lift Mr….”

“Galah I’m known as and watch out for them too nasty little creatures they are too


“What are” Billie asked


“Galah’s of course you maybe pretty young thing but your abit flaming dim”


VJ and Billie stepped ashore looking baffled.


“Hi VJ, Billie so glad you could make it” Hunter said stepping forward.


Your glad I’m God dam surprised VJ said rolling his eyes


“Where’s Matt and Evie?” Olivia asked


“On their way” Billie answered giving VJ a worried glance.


“Don’t you just love it here we do don’t we Liv?” Hunter said beaming them his most convicing smile.


“Oh yes we do Hunter” Olivia answered back smiling


“You keep telling yourselves that” VJ said as he gazed upon the small poky looking cabin while listening to the sounds of the frogs and crickets they most probably would turn out to the size of dogs.


“Come in have a drink and freshen up relax but don’t have a bath just yet our pet frog is using that at the moment Hunter said giving Olivia the eye.


VJ and Billie holding Luc stepped through into Hunter and Olivia’s not so dream home.







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Thank you everyone once again for your comments they are great :P


Chapter 3

The darkness engulfed VJ’s senses, as the dank and mouldy smelling aromas of utter damnation and despair waffled their way up his nostrils. The smell of Billie’s dreamy peach schnapps perfume now seemed but a far distant memory to him. Swaying on his feet like a drunk VJ fell backwards squashing Luc slightly up against Billie’s slightly perky bosoms..


“VJ are you alright?” Billie asked somewhat startled by his sudden seemly abrupt fainting spell.   


“Ah don’t worry I was like that the first time I stepped inside takes your breath away doesn’t it dude? But we love it don’t we Liv? Hunter asked grinning.


Olivia seeming too overwhelmed with the rotten smell of their so called dream home that she couldn’t even begin to muster up the words that she so did love it, gazed back at Hunter smiling brightly like an overexcited blonde Barbie doll, who was being operated by unseen hands pulling at her puppet strings.


“Gezz what is that smell? it smells as if something may have died” VJ said pressing forwards with the soles of his feet to self right himself back into a standing position. He pinched his nose so hard he was surprised to not have cased himself a gushing nose bleed.

“The place just needs airing out abit” Olivia said trying her best to fake smile but looking as though she may puke at any second.


“Yeah that’s right it grows on you” Hunter answered back in a very over engorging way.


“What grows on you fungus by any chance?” VJ asked earning himself a sharp nudge in the side from Billie. When VJ had gotten over the shock of having taken a sharp lungful intake of rottenness of the house, he spotted the look in Billie’s eyes that simply said we must support our two friends here please do that for me even if they are in denial and I will reward you later Mr President.


“I think what VJ means to say guys the place has a very unique and different scent to most home’s yours has that lovely…


“Swampy smell yeah..” VJ finished. Earning himself a dangerous looking glare from his beloved Billie.


Hunter and Olivia gazed at one another with what it seemed to VJ as big plastic over the top cherish cat mad hatter grins and laughed nervously.


“Its quite dark in here” Billie said as she gazed around at all the very odd ornaments that she had trouble grasping as choices that would totally match up with Hunter and Olivia’s tastes.  The giant fully armoured chainmail knights which stood keeping guard at each of the different doorways. Doorways (eight in total) leading off to god knows where from this oval lobby styled room they now stood in was also surrounded by a large winding staircase. The staircase itself looked somewhat haunted and spooky sounds of mutterings of lost souls seemed to whisper down to them below. High on the walls sat the heads of stuffed animals such as fierce looking bears and wolves and deer The prefect place to come for a murder mystery evening one could say.


Billie jumped slightly as she heard from somewhere within the darken king size lobby the sounds of shuffling feet approaching across the chipped wooden floor For a moment Billie wondered if it might have been a huge rat But soon this nightmarish thought of hers was coshed when a voice that she recognised arose throughout the lobby’s void misty dust storm. The voice was weary and withdrawn with tiredness.


“Will I open the blinds?” the tired sounding voice asked


“Palmer yes go for your life, hopefully they don’t snap and break and fall from their runners this time” Hunter said gazing slightly at the redness of his sore fingers where the blinds had manage to catch him his little pinkys before.


“John is that you? VJ asked.


“Yes for my sins” John said from somewhere within the depths of the large room from the sound of his voice he had moved away from them and was now over by the window. Everyone screamed out with sudden pained surprise as the blinds at the large bay windows of the house creaked and groaned as they were stubbornly pulled from their slumber of covering and hiding away the bright blinding sunshine.


“My eyes hurt mummy I burn them” Luc winged as Billie’s face seemed to become crinkled with dimples and winkles. VJ in that moment caught a fleeting glance at how she would look as a old woman.. VJ would tell Billie of his later and claim that he was just so overwhelmed with emotion by her aging beauty that he had stinging tears running down his face because of the glorious sight of her. But really the tears were streaming because of the shocking sunshine.


“There my job is done for today” John said wandering his way over to them massaging the pain in his poor old creaking back.


Hunter nodded Olivia smiled


“Weren’t you a journalist?” VJ asked looking baffled at John in a very smart but very dusty butler’s suit.


“This is where you end up  when you leave the gas stove on while you go out to wine and dine someone that you meet on the Costal News writing forum VJ. The caravan you live in blows up along with the rest of the park community services seem to think I would make a great handyman  for these two..”


Hunter laughed and smacked John on the back causing him to cry out in pain.


“John loves it here don’t you pal and Liv and I do as well” he said beaming


“Yeah its lovely” Billie said. Hunter came over to her swiftly to lift a cobweb from her hair.


“Ooooh no spiders I can’t stand those I.. feel itchy.  Have you got a bath in this…its not really a house is it?” Billie asked jumping around to dodge the sudden mass downturn of spiders to drop down from somewhere high above, to nest in lustful hair. VJ grabbed Luc as Billie’s scared little spider jig dance reached the panic stations stage.


“No not a house really I guess you can call it a castle of sorts, and I’m the…….. Wait for it…………….KING OF THE CASTLE because you know I’m Hunter King…” Hunter let out a wail of laughter while everyone else stood around in stunned silence.


“I’m going for a bath” Billie suddenly announced and took to the winding staircase.


“Be careful not to upset Tony he doesn’t like to share the tub Oh and he doesn’t like you stealing all the bubbles” Olivia shouted as Billie took flight up the flight of stairs.


Tony? Billie wondered was he the guy Olivia had mentioned so often when on the phone with her? Had Oliva just slipped up was she cheating on Hunter with Tony and if so was Tony locked away hoping eventually that Olivia would come jump in the bath with him When Hunter was asleep? Billie dreaded to think what Hunter would do if he found Oliva soaping and giving Tony the rub down treatment. 





“Gooooooooooooo errrrrrrr riiiight lefffft straiiiiiiiiiiiiight whatever I don’t riiiiightly know to be honest. I’m so tired of this breathy whispering that I’m doing to be fair.”  Instructed The Justin Morgan Sat Navigation system 


“What is he talking about I can’t understand a word what language is he even speaking? French German alien what? Evie asked as she gazed out the windscreen of her crappy little mini at the large hailstones.


Matt shrugged if he was honest he might have sued Justin for having that car come crashing down to crush his legs but Matt couldn’t understand a word he said either so he had happily taken this Navigation system instead it was easier.


“Your chair must be soaked through up there strapped to the roof” Evie added.


Matt unwound his window slightly and poked his head out to see his wheelchair looking just a tad wet strapped tightly to the mini’s roof rack. Matt then sat back inside with a worried look on his face.


“It’s gone my chair its no longer on the roof. Evie babe why couldn’t you get a car with a bigger boot?”


“Matt I’m sorry I…”


“Oh look a Chinese all you can eat buffet come on Evie lets go there” Matt pleaded excitedly.


“There’s a chicken place next door though Matt and  I do enjoy myself a bit of chicken..I like the wings to be exact”  Evie ventured but realising that Matt looked somewhat unimpressed and considering that neither of them understood the Justin Morgan well versed speaking Sat Nav they were lost so why not go have something to eat while they got there bearings 


Unaware to them both though there was something dangerous lurking in the shadows of the undercover closed in car park which consisted of many different levels. Evie went to park on the top level as the other levels were already taken and the Chinese buffet looked to be very popular with cars jamming up the outside spaces too. The dangerous lurking creature watched with beady eyes as Evie and Matt reached the top level and parked and got ready to leave.  All Matt and Evie had on their minds at this moment were pork balls chicken wings and maybe a tiny bit of sweet tasting seaweed

The creature watched as they entered the lift which would take them down to the Chinese buffet.   






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Thanks for the really cool comments again this is only a short chapter but hopefully you like it


Chapter 4

John Palmer had taken up residence long enough within this hellhole to know to realise that something just wasn’t quite right here.. So why was it John had the double bayed bedroom windows wide open? Even if it was only for a five minute doze to rest his eyes It may become the last ever doze he was to take, With the chance of any oversized aggressive animal taking up the choice to come and join you under the bed sheets Maybe even coming to  shallow you whole in the middle of the night. John was risking an awful lot The animals of MangroveRiver even the friendly ones such as rabbits deer would for some strange reason behave oddly.


John sighed with content as the aromas of the swamp waffled its way around his bedroom. John wore a clothes line peg upon his nose to shield himself away from the dank and revolting swampiest smells of the wastelands. The view was breathtaking also with its greenery of wild jungle type tree where some sort of greenish strange seaweed plant like wild gooey muck grew from the trees branches.


John had found those trees unnerving to watch swaying in the wind. It was the sounds of the swamp that John liked the most that John enjoyed though. The smoothing sounds of the heavenly singing voice of the Phoebe, the troublesome high pitched opera styled singing Galah swamp monster.. Phoebe’s   angelic voice carried the enchanted songs of the trees and…sublime hidden messages to go and mane and murder.. John’s eyes opened his throat was dry and the only drink that would quench his thirst was that of a bottle of red rum that rested upon his bedside table. Fixing himself a drink John wandered with glass in hand over to the bay window and gazed out below to see Hunter waving up at him.


“Lovely music eh John, Don’t you just love how it keeps us all awake at night me and Liv do? Hey come and play poker with me and VJ if you want” Hunter called up to him John smiled back down at Hunter shaking his head at the given offer before he gazed up at the moon that had risen to the deep shade of red, The blood moon to be exact always out shining its reddish glow upon Phoebe’s last musical note. John finished his red rum in one swift gulp. The sound of Phoebe the singing galah monster causing him to sway upon the soles of his feet John had the sudden need and want to run around the huge house butt stark naked and yelling at the top of his voice.. He let the folds of his dressing grown fall to the carpeted floor. In the words of the tribal Alf huntsman those galah’s were very troublesome creature mind control being one of their talents bending their chosen subjects to fall under their endearing spell.


The eyelid slid open slowly, and then the eye blinked then it opened slowly once again. if it wasn’t for its shiny wet green skin Billie’s would have mistaken the creature for maybe a dog just for the sheer size of it. As it turned out it was a huge frog and he was staring at Billie’s lustful nakedness with bored like wonder. because of the spider nest that had fallen into her hair Billie had rushed into the bathroom ripped her clothes off as fast as her hands would allow and had gone about stepping into the bath Now partway into the bubble bath already filled tub she hadn’t noticed the dog sized frog at first having a bath of his own…Billie stood staring her big toe of her right foot dangling just above the frosty bubbles.


The frog shifted its weight as to say don’t you dare take another cute little step into my bubbles you young tadpole, as if to harden his case the frog allowed his long tongue to dart from his mouth.


“Oh Bill I have brought you up some vomit smelling towels, Hunter said they would dry outside but if your quick you won’t even notice…. Oh I do love it here” Olivia said as she walked into the bathroom.


“Oh so you have meet Tony our very stubborn frog See told you he doesn’t like to share his bubbles there’s another bathroom down the hall” Olivia said handing Billie the trowels while she grabbed Billie’s clothes so she could carry them for her.


“A bit of wildlife never hurt anyone” Olivia said smiling  Billie smiled back were those cracks of starting to show within Olivia’s fake like smile Billie wasn’t sure.


Hunter smiled as he placed his royal rush deck of cards down for VJ to see.


“Read them and weep my friend you have lost.”


And Hunter was right VJ hadn’t only lost at his hand of poker he had also lost his daughter Luc,


“Hunter dude where’s Luc gone?” VJ said


Hunter shrugged he didn’t want to admit that Luc could be anywhere lost in this labyrinth of a house..


“Is she a fan of hide and seek?” Hunter asked nervously. 


Matt sat pied high amongst stacks of red napkins. Near enough nearly every napkin was soaked through with Matt’s dribble he had seemed to lose all ability of swallowing, after he had watched Evie sexually suck and tear at the meat of her chicken wings slowly while fluttering her eyelashes. The little bones had glistened with her spit the whole experience had been most exotic for Matt who was gazing at Evie with a misted over look in his eyes as she asked…..


“What is that Matt?”


“Eh oh  sorry I must be excited to see you that’s all” Matt said quickly covering his lap with his hands


Evie sighed deeply shaking her head and said..


“No Over there behind me can you see it?”


“Hmmm you enjoyed your chicken wings didn’t you Evie how about we go for seconds? I wouldn’t mind” Matt said dreamily 


“Matt will you stop thinking about your stomach there’s something behind me and it’s bouncing I don’t like it.. where did we park the car?”


“Its over there or it was…  Matt answered mouth open with awe.


Evie heard the smash and then the crunch and the smacking of jumping large feet slapping themselves against the ground.


“Evie errr Evie you know you wanted to know where our car was? Well its just been punched from off the top level of the car park” 


“Oh God Matt”


“That’s not all it was punched off by none other than a giant jumping kangaroo that’s wearing bright red boxing gloves”


Evie’s nervous sounding insane giggles took Matt by pleasant surprise at least she wasn’t totally freaking out he thought. That was until Evie took hold of the handles of his wheelchair and started to run instantly making herself and Matt prey for the Jumping six foot kangaroo.   









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Thank you for the great comments again.


Chapter 5

Matt’s teeth rattled in his head violently, as Evie pushed at full force causing little chips of stone from the tarmac ground to bounce into the air. Matt could hear the sounds of her heel studded boots clatter clacking as she ran, all the while Evie giggled like a insane clown. But no matter how many ramps of the car park they sped down The Kangaroo kept pace jumping while gazing at them with a jolly happy smile on its face, like it thought this was all some sort of wacky game…Evie looked to the side as Matt gripped the armrests of his chair firmly. The kangaroo held its red boxing gloved paw out to Matt and instead of forming a kind of attack it lightly tapped Matt’s arm was this kangaroo wanting to play a game of tig with them?


VJ ran outside and gazed around the swampland beyond with a look of horror and a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.


“Come on dude we will find Luc” Hunter said nervously as he ran and nearly tripped on the crumbling steps of the house Hunter glanced back tilting his head in anger and gave the steps his best death stare


Oh I love here he said before trotting away up the muddy path VJ followed him wishing he had gone to join Billie in her bath.



Evie giggled wildly as their playmate kangaroo seemed to weave in and out of their attempted escape routes he wasn’t after all a six foot kangaroo with the speed and ability of a championship title boxer. The kangaroo hopped and blocked, hopped and blocked, not taking a blind bit of notice at Matt and Evie’s startled protests and giggles of not wanting to play tig with him


“Quick Evie cut left down this ramp there’s a large pole I could grab and maybe push Mr Hop along away. Then you can head for the open doorway down the bottom.” Matt said learning himself over the side of his chair, his fingers mere inches above the ground to take up the parking jostling styled pole that had been knocked and was no longer fully in the ground a result of a reckless driver no doubt. Matt hadn’t really thought of himself playing the knight in shinning amour even though Evie had told him countless times before that he was indeed her shinning knight in armour. It was time now to prove that and playing jousting with a oversized kangaroo seemed to be as good a time as ever to prove that claim.


The kangaroo let out a cry of pure glee as Evie bombed it down the steep ramp. The little stones and pebbles shooting up and hitting Matt in the face all the while as his wheels zoomed around like that of a small rally sports car. The kangaroo let out a yelp as Matt grabbed the jousting pole and started to jump and hop higher and faster. There was no way it was going to allow Matt to poke him up the arse with that shiny slivered menacing looking stick. Matt nearly toppled from his seat as Evie pulled a handbrake turn maybe slightly to eagerly, If it wasn’t for the pole that Matt was holding length ways with the end of it slightly dragging on the hard floor he would have ended up trampled  or boxed to death by a playful kangaroo.


“That’s right you better jump my bouncy friend” Matt yelled as Evie sped down the ramps. Chasing a kangaroo was one thing she hadn’t imagined doing while attending VJ and Billie’s honeymoon. Evie couldn’t deny though that watching her boyfriend as he wielded a giant pole at a runaway kangaroo didn’t have a hint of romance to it. VJ and Billie were just probably kissing and laying about picking petals from flowers and sighing and gushing with love for each other, she and Matt were the ones experiencing the real adventure here. The Kangaroo turned every now and then to try and jab Matt in the face with his boxing glove. Matt’s poker sharpen jousting pole was far too long though, So the kangaroo continued to flee..


Luc wandered the darken swamp land gazing at all the moths, dragonflies and beetles as she skipped along. She was going to pick some flowers for her mummy that was her plan. But the startled cries of the creepy looking red haired woman beating her washing dry with what looked to be a huge stick stopped the little girl in her tracks.


“Oh girly come to Rennie, Rennie won’t hurt you. You cute little Mite” The spooky woman steeped forwards holding her wrinkly bony hand out for Luc to take behind her stood a spooky looking shack of rotting wood.


Luc stepped forwards slowly watching the spooky old woman smile at her with a gummy toothless grin.


Matt and Evie had reached the bottom floor and now faced a new problem. The kangaroo was sighing quite breathlessly and sweating, but it too faced the same problem of Matt and Evie. The way to freedom from  the car park was blocked with a shadowy dark and hairy growling creature.  


“Back up to the top we go again then?” asked Matt gulping.


“Just give it a good poke with the pole if it starts to move Matt” Evie said feeling like she might have to go for a nap she was beyond tired.  




“Oh God not this again its Mason” Evie sighed


“Since when has Mason been a big hairy dog?” Matt asked.


“Long before your accident Matt I went back to Mason while you were in your coma I’m sorry about that but I was scared he would bite me”


“But you were a nurse you gave me a bed bath?”


“The only way to convince you to move and cheer up” Evie said with what Matt thought might have been a blush but given Evie had just been dashing up and down ramps that might have been why she was looking rosy cheeked.


“Evie” Mason said stepping out of the shadows on all fours.


“Your never be the man that I am Mason” Matt said defensive holding the large pole out.


“Well no that’s true I am part dog you wally” Mason answered back.


“I have come to win Evie back and not you or your kangaroo friend here will stop me”


Matt gazed back at Mason something was very wrong with the animals here they had somehow became smarter and larger. Mason Matt suddenly remembered could only bark he now could talk whilst in dog form and to top it all off there was a kangaroo sat to the side watching them with wonder..


The big coconut bounced off the creepy woman’s head who called herself Rennie


She gazed up to see Marty Ash swing from the trees and grab Luc up in his bare arms.


“Bring her back girly that’s my new friend”


“I not a girly Rennie I Marty Ash I ape man” the jungle monkey man shouted back.


“You have long blond hair so you are a girly to me” Rennie shouted back.


“You make Marty Ash angry ape man…I….oh bananas”


Luc fell into Rennie’s arms who then ran for her shack. VJ watched on from the thorny stinging nettles of the swamp and made a vow to himself  nobody was going to fight over his little girl.     




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On 16/04/2017 at 1:12 AM, Red Ranger 1 said:

Dare I ask which parts?!

Well I'm yet to meet a boxing kangaroo while being trapped in a car park.. Could happen though I'm thinking  The car park and having to speed up and down those ramps like a rally driver was true.. Funny really having no car and not being able to drive myself.


Thanks for the comments everyone  Oh yeah if anyone is confused about Mason being a dog here it was meant to be a crossover/small cameo for him from my other story Puppy Love I think you guys read that.. Just in case you thought it was a tad odd

Chapter 6

VJ stepped from amongst the stingy thorny brambles pulling the small pricky needles from his face as he did so he heard Hunter who clearly wasn’t as manly as him considering the seriousness of the situation of losing his daughter to a spooky old hag VJ couldn’t help but to laugh slightly at Hunter’s girly high pitched screams VJ thought for one cheeky moment whether to ask Hunter if he was still loving living here, but quickly thought better of it when he caught the look of  pure evil that Hunter was shooting one of the freshly pulled away stinging needles he had just yanked out of his face.  Hunter’s expression quickly changed when he noticed VJ gazing at him to a look of great pondering and with it he gave VJ a slight  head tilt as if to ask him what he had planned next.


“Who lives there?” VJ asked pointing to the old worn down spooky little crumbling shack.

“Old Rennie” Hunter answered.

“Let’s go pay her a visit” VJ said stepping forwards with his chest puffed out in the tight t shirt he was wearing in the hope of making himself come off as looking somewhat scary. Hunter followed behind ensuring VJ that Rennie would love to see them. She was always inviting him and Liv over for a slice of what she liked to call mud cake. Liv often declined the offer though of the tasty brownish cake though saying she was watching her figure. Hunter often secretly threw Olivia dagger looks of disappointment he very much wanted to see what this mud cake really was going to be like maybe this time he would bag himself a slice.


VJ tapped loudly on the door of the rotting well worn shack only to be greeted with…


“Gawd save Ireland visitors” and then quick sounding excited murmurs of shuffling footsteps as they approached the door.. There was a click and crash as Hunter and VJ heard a bolted lock being loosen on the other side, then the door creaked open in its wake there stood old Rennie with her gummy toothless grin.


“Yes, yes what is it girlys the old hag muttered in a quiet spooky tone while she stood hunched over.


“Yeah err hi you seem to have my daughter” VJ questioned as the old woman gazed into his eyes from her hunched over position. VJ quickly realised that one of her eyes seemed to wander its gaze this was because it was made of glass.


“Any of that mud cake going Rennie?” Hunter asked gazing over VJ’s shoulder.  


Hmmm yes sweetie my Gwadfather Hunter my darl I thought you were never going to get to sample my muddy treat” Rennie said as she hobbled her way inside VJ stepped through with caution as Hunter walked through rubbing his rumbling stomach.  


The beads of sweat ran down Matt’s face as Mason gripped and lifted him with his ironlike clenched doggy jaws high above his wheelchair..


“Matt Page the cripple what are you going do now?” Mason asked sneering at him with yellowish glowing eyes.


“Oh Mason who’s a good boy here have this squeaky toy” Evie said having picked up a squeaky little crab that they had been given as a cute little toy at the Chinese buffet jumping on the band train of thinking like Macdonald  with the happy meals trend.

Mason’s doggy ears twitched as Evie pressed down on the crab which let out a high pitched wail of pure bliss to Mason’s ears. he flung Matt to the side. Mason then jumped after the little toy but not before he knocked Matt’s chair into the path of a departing car. The wheelchair was crushed up against the wall Evie ran to Matt’s side he had slumped against another of the parked cars with him being to heavy for Evie to lift Matt was in need of rescuing


Mason had returned panting the crab toy gripped amongst his teeth he looked for signs of Evie Maybe if he dropped the crab to the ground she would come to pick it up and throw it for him again, he did so and waited and waited he even tried barking using his new found voice seemed to have scared her. Mason barked again and this time his call was answered but not by Evie no but by the six foot towering kangaroo. The kangaroo it seemed to Mason’s right sudden pained doggy ear anyway liked to box. The Kangaroo started jumping up and down quite frantically in front of Mason who growled and tried to bite at the kangaroo’s red gloved paw The kangaroo waited until the point when Mason jumped high into the air and then caught him with a jab cross uppercut hook boxing combo Mason fell to the ground dazed for a second before he took to the night again Maybe Evie wasn’t worth being beaten to a pulp by a kangaroo..


Matt came around and blinked up at Evie


“Helloooooooooooo yooooooooooou” Matt screamed as he was picked up and placed inside the kangaroo’s pouch Evie found herself to be placed next to Matt. Who instantly spooned himself around her body they may not know where they were going but they might as well enjoy a warm comforting embrace while they headed there.



“Ewwwwwwww this really is mud” Hunter said as he spat the cake out onto its plate.


“Well of course girly what did you expect?” Rennie asked.


“Oh I don’t know chocolate maybe” Hunter said. VJ waited he was sure Hunter was about to beam a smile at him and tell him how much he loved the place but not this time it would seem he looked ill and rather annoyed with the old hag.


“Now where’s my daughter?” VJ questioned.


“I didn’t know that you had one darl” Rennie said smiling her gummy freak show of a smile.  


“The little girl Luc I watched you run with her into this shack”


“Oh her she’s out back feeding the birds..”


VJ bolted up pulling a cursing Hunter to his feet.


Let’s go dude I have seen the sizes of these said birds”


VJ then heard Luc scream then watched Marty Ash swing past the window. The blond apeman had Luc under one arm with the other he threw a large conker through the window.


“I tell you  that you anger Marty Ash by calling him girly with blond hair and you Rennie steal my bananas. Marty Ash want them back or you no get little person back..”


VJ and Hunter ran outside


“That’s my little girl”  VJ shouted.


“Ah Marty Ash also see you turn nose up at mud cake and then your friend spit mud cake out waste Marty Ash could have had mud bath in that for that Marty Ash teach you manners.”


Marty Ash threw down two more conkers.


“Choose Conker for conker battle at dawn then you win you can have little person back”


VJ, Hunter and Rennie watched Marty Ash swing away with Luc.


Billie’s eyes widened as she gazed out the window to see a kangaroo stop by the swamp.


“Kangaroo’s really wow Liv”


“Yeah they come here for  their mating season roll about in the mud kind of cute to watch” Olivia said she had stopped to gaze at her plant pot which was being held by a blushing naked John Palmer who was covering his modestly with said pot.


“Ladies don’t ask because I don’t know why and how I’m not wearing anything but this plant here” John said

Olivia shuddered slightly as she went to stand by Billie. Billie was laughing at the fact that Evie had just climbed from out of one of the kangaroo’s pouches.


“Weren’t Matt and Evie coming by car?” Billie asked


“Surprise” Evie said as she walked inside..


“Yeah surprise” Matt echoed back. Billie and Olivia couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Matt, who seemed content with hopping about the place with his new found mode of transport that being Kangaroo


“Lovely place you have here” Matt said


“Yeah what a view” Evie said gazing out at all the gathered kangaroo’s around the swamp.


“Oh yeah we love….Olivia sighed she just didn’t have it in herself anymore


“Oh I hate it” she sighed.        


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Ok so I'm not so sure about this one thank you for the comments

Chapter 7


Sleep even when you are feeling at your most weariness it would seem doesn’t always come that easy the lucky holidayers of Hunter’s and Olivia’s nightmarish  dreamy creek home would all happily or rather quite tiredly ring some truth to this stated claim.


John Palmer sat at the edge of his bed listening in a trancelike slumber to the gloriously dreamy soft sung lullaby. John just couldn’t seem to get enough of Phoebe’s angelic voice.. The fact that the ever so troublesome singing galah monster was driving him insane didn’t seem to register with his logical part of his mind. Somewhere though Phoebe was lurking she hid out in the depth of the swamps’ murkiness working in her evil and self importance ways.. The song she carried tonight spoke of a hidden message of murder and chaos. Now come to think of it John did keep a shiny sharp axe outside in the tool shed. Maybe he should pull his fluffy white flopped over eared bunny slippers on to his feet and head out to the shed for his axe he did all of sudden have the need to do some chopping.


Olivia had smiled to a very concerned looking VJ, as he had walked past her holding a handful of slightly warned and chipped conkers. Hunter had soon taken her to bed before she could ask any awkward questions as to why he was carrying them about. VJ hoped Billie would be asleep because that way she wouldn’t wonder why Luc wasn’t with him.

Matt had groaned numerous times having hopped from one side of the room to the other the Kangaroo it would seem had endlessly amounts of built up energy and was far to bouncy to want to sleep. VJ would have found this strange if he wasn’t busy gazing so often to the slivered misted over moon watching and waiting for dawn to break through the swamp’s blanketed over cloud of whiteness.


The darkness in Evie’s dank and mouldy room was like a eloping cape of blackness, which in a way was a good thing, that way she couldn’t see the peeling away wallpaper or the giant spider web that she had mistaken for a sort of net curtaining, she had praised Hunter for picking a place with such character. Hunter had smiled even though underneath that smile lay the cracks of the hatred he really felt for this place. Hunter had quietly pulled her door closed and left her to dream. Evie had been exhausted from her and Matt’s encounter with Mason and the kangaroo that she had slept like a baby, snug as a spider in its web one could say..


Sometime later Evie was in the early stages of waking up and the room was silent and calm and……there was a ghostly figure sat at the end of the bed. The figure turned slowly and beamed a huge geeky smile at her The ghost’s flowery orange shirt and blue shorts glowed as it spoke in a whisper.


“Oh Evie thank goodness I have missed you”

“How… How…. Do you know my name?” Evie stammered.

The ghostly figure’s features creased with confusion

 “Of course I know you be quite hard not too with our twiny connection. Tell me have and more importantly is Matt still dating Maddy? Because I sort of still like her and…could you have a word with her for me please Evie? I miss her God I miss everybody.”


“I’m now with Matt,,,, Oscar your dead” Evie reached out to try and touch


“Oh great so maybe I can get back together with Maddy… What makes you think I’m dead?  Matt good old Matt Page he does seem to work his way through the women in my life doesn’t he? Oscar seemed to flinch as he heard a cough from outside the bedroom.


“His coming I need to go he gets very angry” Oscar said quickly jumping to his feet Evie frowned as she felt his weight lift from off her feet Ghost’s were weightless were they?


“Who get’s angry?” Evie questioned as her door opened Hunter smiled back at her.


“Everything ok Evie?” he asked


Evie’s eyes wandered for any sign of Oscar but he was gone, but she did hear the slight creak of a floor broad as she reassured Hunter that she had just been talking in her sleep..


VJ kissed Billie’s forehead as he gathered his wits and bravery for this grand conker battle to win back their daughter, as he gathered up his chosen conker he glanced out the window to see John happily sharpening a very shiny looking axe. The house was cold and needed some extra logs to burn on the log burner downstairs so VJ thought nothing of it. Little did he know that he was going to be leaving his newly wedded wife in the hands of a axe wielding maniac.


Matt reached down his arms to short to get at at his cereal bowl from the height of his kangaroo who’s pink tounge was happily lapping around its furry kangaroo chops at the sight of all the breakfast foods. Grabbing a apple VJ passed him up his bowl, Matt smiled and added the milk from the kangaroo’s pouch to his bowl of Frosties it turned out they were far from being GREAT.


“Ewww that’s just not natural tasting”  Matt said as he pulled a somewhat sour looking face.


“Can’t be worse than my mud cake yesterday” Hunter muttered he glanced to VJ to wish him luck as he left for his duel. Olivia looked drained as Billie came and sat by her..


“Where’s VJ just gone?” she asked

“Gone to play with his conkers” Hunter couldn’t help but laugh.

Billie looked around confused.


Anyway never mind what VJ’s doing with his conkers I think this place might just be haunted” Evie said Hunter quickly turned.

“No way”

“Yes way I think I spoke to Oscar last night in my room I…”

“Oscar really I don’t think so” Hunter said with a very nervous and shaky laugh.

“He was sat at the end of my bed” Evie said  

“How did he seem? I mean no he couldn’t have now come on Evie” Hunter was talking very fast.


“Where’s VJ Hunter” Billie demanded.

“Oscar he seemed scared of something and he spoke of Maddy and…”

“OSCAR ISN’T I MEAN WASN’T HERE HE NEVER HAS BEEN”  Hunter screamed all of a sudden.

 “Ok dude chill out” Matt said.


“Oscar’s dead you know that Evie Oscar’s dead” Hunter answered smiling. Olivia frowned there was something very odd in the way Hunter was behaving.

“There, there baby you know what your like when you get stressed out” Olivia said patting Hunter arm.


“Where’s VJ?” Billie asked again Olivia shook her head as a sort of warning to not push at her boyfriend’s stress levels anymore. The mention of Oscar had seemed to make her poor Hunter very upset for some reason.

“Fine I will go and look for him myself” Billie said standing up This was some honeymoon.. Oh well maybe they could have another one to get over this one she thought Next one they would choose somewhere nice than a swamp with oversized dinosaur killer animals.










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Thank you for all your comments I never realised that this story would bring so much talk of kangaroo's :lol:

Chapter 8

Breakfast with all its highly fuelled dramatics of Hunter’s sudden banquet fits of outrage and flip outs had come to a end. John was nowhere to be seen so his role of being handyman as it turned it wasn’t very handy, so everyone just wandered or in Matt’s case hopped away leaving all the dirty bowls and dishes pied high on the long king’s banquet styled dinning table.


Hunter had been guided away to a large red leathered chair where he so often sat pulling his hair out as he tried to study for the HSC. Olivia sat on his lap massaging his soft blond hair she could tell that her boyfriend’s stress levels were about to go through the roof. Olivia didn’t know why but the mention of Oscar had seemed to trigger Hunter’s insane Norman Bates styled outburst.


Evie stood at the foot of the long and winding bookcase of the library area, and was rubbing her finger down the spine of large book. The book hadn’t only caught her eye because it spoke of Vietnam a place she wanted to visit one day, the book also stuck out at a strange like angle. Hunter sat gazing at her with a certain amount of sheer built up rage. Evie couldn’t help but think that Hunter wanted her to lift her hand from the book her fingers were ever so slowly caressing and walk away, and she was about to do that, but instead she had ended up jumping and pushing the book back into its slot on the bookcase. The thumbing padded floppy furry feet of Matt’s kangaroo had startled her, and now because of that the loud interlocking click that had been caused by the books movement had caused a deep rumbling causing the whole bookcase to quiver and shake. Matt rubbed at his stomach to make sure that the rumbles weren’t that of hunger pains, those cornflakes had tasted pretty vile in his new found source of kangaroo manky tasting teat milk.


The bookcase opened revealing a large wide bedroom,  There in the room there was a bed and upon that bed there was a startled looking Oscar, who looked at everyone with a look of scared emotion on his face, like he had just been caught watching porn or something.


“Errrr hello” Oscar ventured to say he  quickly glanced across at Hunter to see a look of fury on his face.

Oscar tensed up even more as Matt and his six foot kangaroo leaped through the passageway to greet him, just as a dog would act to seeing and greeting new guests to your home the kangaroo seemed to be overjoyed by the sight of Oscar, it bounded about excitedly on its hind legs like they were pogo sticks. Matt would have greeted Oscar with joy if he wasn’t feeling like he was about to puke up everywhere thanks to the force of motion sickness he was feeling.


Evie was next to run inside and went straight to showering Oscar with hugs and kisses Hunter stalked in behind followed by a confused looking Olivia.



VJ sat in a clearing the smooth rock felt cold against his butt cheeks. But other than that the day was turning out nice and sunny. VJ’s meaty sturdy conker showed great promise of certain victory as it dangled from its strong string. The string looked to be forged from a very rubbery and stretchy jungle like weed. VJ sighed he had watched Marty Ash circle and beat his chest for a number of countless surreal minutes now and it was growing tiresome.  Rennie sat hunched over next to VJ and every so often tilted her old haggled eyes upwards to roll at Marty Ash. Luc sat high gazing down at them from upon high amongst the branches of large coconut tree.


“Me Marty Ash best conker fighter ever VJ rolled his eyes but was suddenly taken by surprise as Marty Ash sent a almighty striking earth shattering shot to his conker.


“Oscar what, why are you here? I thought you were a ghost or something?”

As in a way to answer Evie’s question Oscar let out a yelp of surprised fright as his face was treated to a cold watery long lick of moist foulness as the long pink tongue of Matt’s kangaroo worked its way down the skin of his cheek.


“Eww kangaroo slime” Oscar moaned.

“If you think that was bad dude you should try sitting in it It’s gooier that a chocolate cream egg in here” Matt called from the depths of his pouch.


“OSCAR YOU ARE ALIVE” Evie yelled happily.


“Of course he is” Hunter muttered.


“You knew but Oscar died ran down by high speeding taco truck.” Evie said

“Did somebody mention taco’s?” Matt asked popping his head out of the high rising kangaroo pouch.


“Hunter pushed me out of the way and…..”

“Then I made everyone think he was dead” Hunter finished.

“Why?” Olivia asked.

“You of all people know what I’m like when I’m stressed out Liv. I turn bat**** crazy and this is all down to you anyways” Hunter said glaring at her.


“What why is this my fault?” Olivia said glaring back at him.

“You have been nagging me to work harder on my HSC, and I’m not brainy like you. I’m brainy in a different way yes, in the way of plotting my revenge against people thinking as psychopaths do and that takes a lot out of me It takes a lot to be unhinged and seem normal and have friends. I haven’t got the understanding to be able or care to take silly things such as exams I needed Oscar’s help” Hunter said. Olivia wandered over to him and pulled him into a hug.


“Hunter kidnapped me so you would stop nagging him about the HSC Olivia and the worse of it all was he said if I didn’t agree to help him he would destroy every piece of Star Trek merchandise that I owned. Its taken me years to collect all that stuff” Oscar said gazing up at Evie’s stunned expression of anger.


“So is somebody going to go fetch me a taco or not? Matt asked as a way to ease the tension  


VJ swung his conker but to his horror his conker came away worst for wear Marty Ash laughed.


Billie crept through the swampland glancing quickly behind at the muddy trail of muddy footprints she had left. There were haunting sounds of whispers blending themselves into the murkiness of the dark dank feel of the frosty early morning air… There came the sounds of a light angelic sounding voice with it, it carried songs of delight and hope but at the same time of dread. Billie could also hear what sounded to be conkers smashing into each other from somewhere up ahead in the distance The conker smashing sound was followed by a deep like monkey laugh.


The Galah monster named Phoebe watched the pretty girl from the depths of her lair. Phoebe was angry, the human they called John had seemed able to fight against her mind soul destroying control somehow, and wandered out here into the forest. John still had his readied shiny axe yes but the only thing he was murdering at the moment were trees. Phoebe wanted bloodlust not tree bark, she sighed watching as Billie walked into a pool of quicksand and started to sink.


VJ’s conker was spilt down the middle and he watched in horror as it fell away from the weeded jungle string.


“Haha you lost Marty Ash won” 


The apeman pulled himself quickly upward on a jungle vine and collected Luc from atop of the coconut tree and swung away. The splats of mud that Rennie were flinging towards him did not much to slow his pace.


VJ had lost his and Billie’s beloved daughter he could almost hear Billie’s screams as he thought about it almost or now come to think of it were her screams real?


Billie screamed as the quicksand tighten its sucking forceful grip around her slim built body she was alone and lost and without much hope of rescue that much she realised.










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Thank you for all your cool comments

Hope you like this one

Chapter 9

In haste to Matt’s requested desire for a taco and he had found himself craving to breath and experience the freshness of outside world again Oscar bounded forwards with a slight skip to giddy excitement. Oscar had been confined to that one bedroom hidden behind the dusty old bookcase even since he had nearly run himself down with his very own taco truck.


Oscar and Maddy had been pretty much lovers very own dream couple, having had gone into the taco business together. In the insane hope of it helping them both out. Maddy with her dream of one day becoming a world famous one armed acrobat with a hope of travelling with the circus and getting to see the world, and Oscar’s dream of funding his dream of maybe working for NASA and getting to actually fly a ship like the Star Trek Enterprise one day. Yes maybe they were blinded by how far owning a taco business would go to achieving and making their dreams happen, but they were both kids living on cloud nine at the time. Oscar never would have thought that he would one day pull into Hunter and Olivia’s dreamy undergrowth swampland to be nearly killed and nearly mowed down by his very own fast food truck and end up getting saved by somebody who became crazy when they were stressed out.


Oscar hadn’t seen or experienced fresh air in a long while and here was a chance to maybe escape. The taco truck was old and rusted by now and it sat behind some spiky looking brambles. Oscar had heard the loud creaks of its doors as Hunter had often helped himself and would come to his study sessions with a mouthfuls of mushed up taco where if Oscar got one question wrong he would laugh in Oscar’s face treating him to a shower of half chewed taco. Now was the time for Oscar not to give two hoots whether Hunter discovered what X and Y would answer.


Oscar bolted past everyone like he was a rabbit caught in high beamed headlights and ran for the huge oak pined wooden doors.

The misted foggy air caught him off guard The sounds of the outside world had grown scary too to his ears. Billie’s screams carried far it seemed The sounds of her screams entwined themselves together with that of a apeman screams. Making it sound even more freaky and haunted to Oscar, as he gazed back. If Matt wanted this taco so badly he was going to have to venture out on this journey too, Plus Matt had a six foot boxing kangaroo to add to the bargain something that Oscar was sure would come in handy when fending off scary swamp ghosties and ghouls.  Oscar motioned for him to follow him out. Oscar flinched slightly at the overwhelming sight as Matt and his kangaroo hopped outside.


VJ watched with open awe as Marty Ash seemed to think it was a good and sport man’s like idea to jump about gloating that he had won the conker match. The fact that he had chosen to do so underneath a conker tree was ironic in itself, and with a certain brainwashed murderous axeman wandering about the trees at that very moment practising his tree bark chopping skills that extra shiny sharpen axe had found its way into the trunk of the low hanging  conker tree in which Marty Ash danced his victory dance. John laughed wildly as countless amounts of conkers rained down bonking Marty Ash’s skull so hard that the apeman was now watching a circle of yellow tweeting birds spin around his monkey brained head. VJ seeing his chance to grab Luc ran over but he found Marty Ash’s grip around the little girl iron tight so with a quick glance over to Rennie, VJ watched as she seemed to have decided to take a mud bath and was washing beneath her armpits. VJ had a sudden light bulb moment at this sight and quickly ticked Marty Ash’s sweaty armpits not the most pleasant experience for VJ but seeing as it was for his daughter VJ ignored the ponking smell of monkey man moron sweat Marty Ash’s armpits until the ape monkey man fell to the ground laughing so very hard VJ quickly grabbed Luc and ran towards the screams of what he thought were coming from Billie.


Oscar and Matt had wandered a far from the house one would think one would spot a huge taco truck out here in the jungle one would think it would stick out like a sore thumb, but everywhere there was just thick clouds of mist Oscar and Matt were blind Matt could only hope that the Kangaroo wouldn’t bounce itself off a tree and knowing their luck the tree would be the home to a hornet’s nest.


VJ ran, Billie screamed she had been lucky though; a strand of her lustful hair had become caught in branch of a low hanging spiderlike tree. The quicksand was sucking at her muscular legs but couldn’t quite home in on its great sucking skills. Little bubbles  popped as the sand seemed to choke at the effort.


Thank goodness I train at the gym Billie thought as she thought she seen VJ standing at the bank looking worried.


“Hold on Bill I will get you out” VJ called.


Oscar and Matt came out of the trees looking lost and confused but feeling great relief at hearing voices, and then Oscar saw Billie and smiled.


“Hey Matt look Billie she’s oh no she shouldn’t be out there” Oscar said throwing his shoes and socks down to the mud and dashing forwards. He turned to tell Matt not to follow him and was surprised to see no sign of Matt or his kangaroo they had mysteriously vanished Oscar hadn’t heard any distress from them but he had been watching Billie so who could really blame him for misplacing Matt Page and his six foot kangaroo.


VJ glanced across the bank to see Oscar standing there.


“I can’t get to her can you?” VJ yelled.


Oscar pointed down and VJ followed his finger and gulped there in the murky swamp water were giant mushroomed shaped toadstools.



Try those VJ you used to play Super Mario right? I will try and go and find you a rope of some kind Oscar said before he ran off he waass hoping he would come across Matt too and as he gazed at the ground to see where he placed his running feet Oscar saw like claw marks in the dirt Something serious seemed to have happened to Matt.


“VJ quickly they are sinking” Billie warned as VJ gazed towards the closest bobbing up and down huge floating mushroom.


“Well this sucks” VJ said as he stepped out on the first mushroom and wobbled

“Yes that’s because its quickland” Billie yelled back. VJ fell forwards smacking his stomach against another of the mushrooms.


“Oh my hero” Billie cooed over to him.


“Always Billie always” VJ said through clenched teeth while wincing from the pain.


“Oh no, no dada make boo boo” Luc said clapping her hands and splashing him lightly in the face.


“Here Dada you help Mama with this hissy stick” Luc said VJ took it without thinking about it and yelled

“Grab this Bill” VJ yelled.


Olivia and Evie hid behind Hunter, yes he may have just confessed to the kidnapping of Oscar but at that moment in time he wasn’t the scariest of the two psychos’ that Evie and Olivia found themselves with, John Palmer had made it back up to the house and he was wielding his big shiny axe above his head


“Take your best chop John I dare you” Hunter spoke with a menacing tension that matched with the death like stare he gave the insanely wild eyed grinning John.













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Chapter 10

Billie screamed, VJ screamed, the hissy stick they were both holding between them had opened its eyes and was blinking up at Billie with fluttering lashes of what looked to be deep eye shadow. Billie was taken by its appearance as being somewhat bizarre she hadn’t seen that many snakes up close throughout her life, but to discover they had a smoky blacken eye shadowed look to their eye made her giggle with humour or maybe it was fright she wasn’t sure.


“VJ GET THAT AWAY FROM ME AND HELP ME PLEASE” Billie screamed she was quite content with ending this mud like spa treatment right now if it was all the same with VJ thank you very much.  


Upon seeing her pleading eyes, VJ quickly tossed the snake back into the quicksand




“Oh crap yeah sorry Bill” VJ said, and it was right at this moment that he thought to himself that he would not be going down amongst the other greatest action hero’s of all time. But never the less he needed to save Billie he had no idea where Oscar had wandered off too but the chances of finding a rope out here in this jungle swamp wasteland was going to be pretty slim, this after all wasn’t a Indiana Jones movie. VJ struggled to his feet looking like a drunken clown riding a unicycle. Billie couldn’t help but smile as VJ wobbled all over the place and she even cheered in cerebration as VJ jumped across to the next massive floating mushroom.


“Oooooh dada you have fun can I come play or maybe those monkeys they want to play” Luc said clapping her hands excitedly.


VJ turned slightly to see the bushes and branches to the side of them being pushed back, and then a group of huge apes came to sit upon the muddy shoreline. Each ape held a coconut the size of a bowling ball.


“Don’t just don’t” VJ muttered under his breath, as he watched one of the apes get ready to chuck his coconut. Billie had bowled VJ over many times before but it had to be said that this was really taking the biscuit.


Evie and Olivia screamed as John swung his shiny axe above his head with great dangerous glinting menace to his eyes.  


Hunter not one to normally back down from a fight turned and ran pushing Evie and Olivia forwards, they took the hint and run, their footsteps echoing off the oak wooden floor. John laughed wildly behind them for a old guy he couldn’t half shift.


VJ leaped and one of the bowled coconut balls flew underneath his legs and went hurling into a branch of a tree on the opposite side knocking a woodpeckers lights spark out. One of the other apes threw their coconut right into VJ’s face, he wobbled felt dazed but carried on jumping when he saw the look of tired frustration on Billie’s now vanishing face as the sand quicken its rate of sucking power. VJ willed himself to be better than super Mario who had had a habit of falling to his death at the slightest of touches or even if the wind changed its direction that small Italian plumper had been light as a feather really.


Hunter, Olivia and Evie glanced back they were trapped John was behind them, and the four armoured knights that stood outside all the different entrances to all the different rooms to the house stood blocking their way. It turned out the knights were robotic and equipped with hidden coding allowing them to burst to life as a matter of house security, say as in, in case any murderous axe wielding maniacs were silly enough to lurk about the place.


“Did you know about this little party trick Hunter, when you signed the lease, that we were being guarded by a dozen robotic knights?” Olivia asked.


“Signed a lease Liv what lease?” Hunter asked as he ducked as one of the knights swords swung around in an attempt to part his head from his shoulders. Being pretty small Evie managed to roll away from a earth shattering attack from one of the knights who was holding a spiky mace like looking hammer. The knight attacked for awhile longer but eventually the three of them managed to battle themselves through the sheets of armoured metal to the other side of the great lobby. John as it turned out had been a great help mowing knights down left right and centre with his handy axe.

But once more Hunter, Evie and Olivia had the old man hot on their tail. Hunter had something stashed inside the toilet tank that might just save them all from John’s madness. But that something could also possibility spell the end to Hunter’s sane mind.   


VJ gripped Billie’s long hair, her head was all that was left of her the rest of her slim built body was somewhere hidden from view. The sand for the time being having lay its claim.


“I don’t want to pull your hair though Bill its cruel of me”


“VJ please just get me out of here”


VJ did as she wished and yanked at her hair and as he did so he felt the sand’s hold around Billie begin to give. There was a moment just one glorious moment he felt the weight of worry drop from around his shoulders and chest, but that didn’t last long as he was knocked from his mushroom and went splashing into the quicksand as well.


The Apes at the shoreline jumped around pleased they had won the game.


“Dada monkeys coming I is scared” Luc started to cry as the apes moved towards her..


Olivia winced at the memory of the pain as John’s axe sliced away a small strand of her hair. They now stood hurtled inside the small downstairs toilet. Hunter gripped Olivia’s one hand while he managed to lift the lid of the toilet tank with the other hand. The lid crashed to the floor and Hunter’s eyes glistened with red hot glowing fury, a passion lit within him here. The heart and soul of his true destiny in life here called his name his flamethrower.


Evie screamed from behind as John smashed his way through the toilet door and then everyone turned and rolled their eyes as John said…..


“HERE’S JOHNNY” John paused for just moment to see if anyone was going to praise him at the clever Stephen King Shining reference but when nobody did he continued with his axe hacking through the wooden door action.


Hunter grabbed his flamethrower and went to wrestle Evie away from John’s axe grinding hands. John fell to the floor stunned, allowing Hunter and the two girls to get ahead of him. Hunter shot little rays of flaming fire back in John’s direction making the old man dance like he was walking across hot coals.


The door to the house was then burnt to a crisp and splintered into shards of blacken ash, as Hunter melted to the ground Outside there stood a very bemused blonde woman.  


“Lena what are you doing here?” Hunter asked gaping at her while holding his flamethrower.


“I came for my payment for you know those pills I gave you” Lena said. 


Hunter turned again to blast John with a ray of fire before he pointed to a mountain of blue pills stashed to the side of the house. Lena looked and then frowned at him.


“You never had any of them then, but I thought you wanted to be made smarter for the HSC exams super size your brain”


“Oh don’t worry there he kidnapped my brother to solve that problem.” Evie muttered with sarcasm in her voice.


“Oh I see my product not good enough for you then Hunter?” Lena asked.


“Well they have some very nasty side effects.” and just as Hunter had uttered those faithful words a butterfly had wandered onto the big mounted pile of blue brain growth smarter pills. and guzzled some of them down and grew in a instant to the size of a elephant.


“That happens you grow to monstrous sizes and Olivia she’s already not that tall can you imagine the size of step ladder she would need to kiss me. My ego’s big enough thanks” Hunter said smiling tilting his head slightly at Lena’s gobsmacked expression.


All of sudden John came at them all with a new found speed.


“Crap everyone get on the butterfly” Hunter said as the three of them climbed on abroad the enormous pretty bug.


“We are ready babe” Olivia said  Hunter turned at the sound of her voice this allowed John to smack him hard in the head with the axe. But to everyone’s surprise minus Olivia’s Hunter didn’t stumble or fall down dead he only stood before John with outraged anger in his eyes.   


“Oh  no oh dear Hunter is very stressed now” Olivia said.


“Should we errr should we be concerned?” Evie said worriedly.


“I would say so yes” Olivia said nodding.


“Why?” Lena asked.


“Because he is coming” Olivia said  


“Who is?” Evie questioned all the tension of  a well thought out plot was about to hopefully reach its climax.


“Who? I will tell you who” Olivia said


“Go on then” Evie said.


“Hunter the fire starter that’s who’s here” Olivia said.   












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