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Dating Madness


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Title: Dating Madness

Type of Fic: Short/Medium Fiction


Main Characters: Leah Zac Maddy Matt Oscar and Evie and Josh.


Genre: Comedy Romance


BTTB Rating:  A


Does it contain spoilers: No


The dating game can be quite the minefield so be careful out there


Warnings: Adult Themes, Violence/Death, Sexual Content.  I will give additional warnings at the start of each chapter if necessary.



This could be pants but here you go Hope you enjoy

Dating Madness

Chapter 1

Leah Patterson smiled fondly across at her gorgeous hubsurd  Zac as he went around the tables of the little diner where he placed a tiny date score card Each of the cards had a printed Chris burger voucher stamped at the bottom.. Zac smiled back at Leah he wasn’t sure why but he sensed abit of tension from her like she was willing him to realise that this speed dating night had come as a result of his lack lust to perform to Leah’s needs sexually in the bedroom department  over the last few months Zac sighed


The diner doors then opened and the flow of happy go daters flooded through and were all met by the red glowing shine of red fairly lights and the orange flicker of burning candlelight…


Take your seats everyone and we shall begin Leah began as she spoke through one of Chris’s themed disco nights microphones


At one of the tables there sat a golden flowing luxurious Barbie doll supermodel babe and a want to be skater kid   Maddy smiled willing the young Tony Hawk wannabe  to say something anything; their five minute window was shortening by the second. It was going to be a shame if he spent the whole time looking as though he was going to gag and keep opening and shutting his mouth like a gasping eye popping goldfish.


“Matt that’s your name right? Maddy asked watching him as his eyes dropped ever so slightly as a way of checking that’s what his name tag said


“Yeah that’s right……………. Sooo  you’ve got one arm right? What’s………. How’s that happen?


Maddy frowned and sighed, Gosh this guy looked rather dishy and cool with his skateboard that he held underneath his arm but he sure wasn’t very good at acting Prince Charming.


“Oh you know it just fell off. Or I might just be pulling your leg and what really happened was it got mangled inside the giant cheese grater at the pizza restaurant I work at


Matt’s face dropped


“Wow that’s hardcore epic man. Here listen give me a sec and I could write you a little song as in a way for tribute for your missing arm.”


Maddy’s eyes widened, she had no clue to why anyone would think it a good idea to bring along their guitar to a speed dating event. But sure enough Matt had it neatly tucked and hidden away underneath his chair. He grinned and began to allow the guitar strings to stroke against his fingers. 


The wincing sharpest of the loudest cat wail pierced itself throughout the whole Diner  sounds of  coffee mugs rattling out back in the kitchen could be heard like a slow building earthquake which soon caused Maddy’s sidekick wing girl dater to disengage from her face sucking of the guy she was getting on very well with at the next table she quickly de flopped his dreamy black mopped curtained hair from her face and looked into her dates eyes for a split second 


Evie smiled at her very handsome dark haired dreamy stranger named Josh, who had pulled her close to him and whispered that he and his brother Andy was on the run Evie didn’t know if what he said was the truth but she sure did like a bad boy.


“Oh gosh that’s just awful get yourself some guitar lessons”


Matt glared across to the next table where Evie sat


“Hey this is my jam Maddy likes my grove don’t you babe? Matt asked winking.


Maddy jumped to her feet she just couldn’t take anymore even with Chris about to let his party poppers off signalling for everyone to move tables so their  next speed dating experience to begin


Evie watched as Maddy bolted towards the bathroom. Maddy had tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks 

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Thanks Red'Sarah Kristen KittCatt and Ludub for the kind feedback.

This chapter only short but I hope you like it


Chapter 2


Zac eyed Leah from the corner of the room. She was looking pleased which had him feeling hopeful maybe Leah was feeling content enough not to bother him with her sexual needs and wants later. He really was enjoying the book he was reading at the moment and a chapter  each night was doing Zac just nicely for the moment.



Oscar McGuire sighed with content as he ticked a solid ten out ten out on his score card for Skye the gorgeous Godness with the purple framed rimmed glasses. He might even bring Skye back here to try out this so called legend of the Chris burger, or maybe he and Skye should venture out and go all romantic instead. Oscar could even take her to see the new Star Trek movie. Where their hands might stroke against each other’s maybe even on purpose, while they shared their monster of a bucket of popcorn. Oscar sighed again dreamily Skye had found him funny and laughed at all he’s lame nerdy jokes about space shuttles, and what would be needed for a safe launch into space. Within five minutes maybe longer because Chris had gotten his party popper jammed Oscar was feeling in love.


Maddy pushed open the big heavy door to the bathroom. Since losing her arm she had gained the strength of a ox and had even arm wrested a whole rugby team with her now one super remaining arm.  As the door to the bathroom bounced slightly off the wall Maddy could hear the wailing of what sounded like a insane banshee crying. Maddy edged ever so slightly closer to the rather scary sounds which came from one of the toilet cubicles.


“Hello………………um hm are you ok?” Maddy asked as she gave the cubicle door a light  rat a tap tap.


“I’m blind I can’t see” came the response. 


“Oh did some of the splash back from the toilet bowl get into your eyes?” Maddy asked. She had planned on making a escape out through the bathroom window. Matt she had decided had turned out to be rather the plonker, and she wished to just go on home to watch Gossip Girl and just cry into her fluffy pink pillows at the state of her love life.


The leftover boxes for the Diner’s bulk food orders were neatly stacked in not so safe wobbly tower against the wall. Maddy had planned on making a daring balancing act using them as way to climb out. Lucky for her though she had happened on Skye wailing about being blind, the window was just too narrow.


“I dropped my glasses you see, when I was trying to un wedge  my lady knickers and it was a tough job and I was wriggling about and”…………….. Skye opened the door……..”My glasses fell off my face and went plop and next thing I know I have flushed them down the toilet”


“Oh gosh” Maddy tried her best not to be too amused by this. But soon realised she could in fact grin like a Cheshire cat all she wanted too, because Skye couldn’t see a thing without her glasses.


“Here let me help you” Maddy said taking Skye’s hand with her one hand. Skye though was in such a state that she knocked herself against the hand dryer which sent her failing through the door. Maddy lost her grip and quickly followed after her.


“Oscar Oscar where are you?” Skye shouted as she tripped and staggered blindly around the tables. Which was meet with people’s moans of having their drinks spilled on them 


Oscar sat bolted upright from having been bent down slightly while he chatted to a punk rocker chick called Phoebe.


“Skye I’m over here I’m where you left me”


Oscar watched as she ventured further and further away from him. Where were her cool looking glasses? Oscar wondered and as he sat wondering this fact. His line of vision was meet with a girl that just blew Skye’s prefect score of ten out of ten right out the water. Why this girl this blonde bombshell was off the scale for him. Her hair looked silky soft and her eyes sparkled like crystals. Their eyes only met for a spilt second as Maddy sent her silent apologies his way for her losing Skye. Oscar smiled but just knew he had to find a way to speak to Maddy next. before she was whipped right away from beneath him. The brief thought of having a girl like Maddy beneath him made Oscar blush.

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Thanks again for the comments everyone

This story is about to turn quite nuts

Warning sexul refences

Chapter 3



Roo Stewart was sat slumped in her chair. She hadn’t listened to a single word that the rather jolly too try hard white haired man had been wittering on about. She was just so zonked out of it that she didn’t even care. Roo was a insomniac, and that wasn’t really surprising given the fact that her husband Harvey had mysteriously disappeared into the void of the Bermuda triangle. Roo’s father had grabbed hold of his big orange rescue jacket one day, had claimed that he was flaming well going to find the great Galah but he had failed to find any trace of Harvey..


Roo started to dribble and her eyes went out of focus as she fell from her chair.


Oh thanks  John Palmer who was sat before her said as he got up unimpressed that his date seemed to have found him just totally boring that she had chosen to take a nap.


Roo snored loudly dreaming of Harvey as she so often did within her unsettled sleep nowadays.


John Palmer walked away and sat at the next table where sat before him this time around was what looked to be a mystical fortune teller, her tarot cards placed across the table before her.


“Hey there I’m Mystical Maz hello John”  


John sighed so far he hadn’t had much luck with this speed dating. Or maybe he had he was coming to realise that most women were just one sandwich short of a picnic. Perhaps he should of taken Chris’s offer of watching a few Jackie Chan movies instead.



The feeling of love and the wonder of sexual lust within the diner filled Leah’s sex drive with such inner hunger, that she just longed for Zac’s lions like she had never done before. Later that night if Zac so much as turned one single musty page of his god forsaken book Leah was going to rip it to shreds with her teeth and then just have her evil way with him. Oh yes she was She watched him as he moved around the diner making sure everyone knew what they were doing. Her sexy man looked to be chasing Oscar around, who had seemed to have forgotten the rules and was trying to skip over the tables that he didn’t like the look of.  


Oscar had set his sights on Maddy but he was having a hard time getting to her table. Oscar now found himself talking to very deliciously long legged godsend angel chick called Billie. Yes he liked her too, heck so far Oscar hadn’t come across a girl he didn’t like the look of expect his sister Evie, who had now moved on to her next bad boy and was pashing him over at the milkshake machine. Oscar didn’t like the look of her new found date and neither did Josh by the dagger stares that he was shooting over at them.


Zac glanced over his shoulder, Leah was watching him still while she laughed and mingled with the guests. Her laugh used to turn him on. Now he found it just nice the same way he found Alf’s catches of salmon nice. Alf had once been fishing caught a shark for the evening meal and that hadn’t been nice at all for anyone but other than that Zac found his fishy suppers just nice.


Zac loved Leah but he also loved his slippers that he warmed up in the microwave. Nice and toasty they were made him feel all cosy after a hard day’s work.  Zac gulped Leah was coming over to him and she was walking over in a catwalk model way as well swinging her hips from side to side. Oddly Zac didn’t feel aroused at this at all.


“Well hello you” Leah said as she turned and slowly started to rub up against Zac’s body. Leah quickly went in for a quick feel of Zac’s crotch area, and Zac laughed nervously at the confused and slightly hurt frown that crossed Leah’s brow as she only felt his limpless through his trousers.


“I need to go get a hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm burger” Zac stammered and dashed off leaving Leah just stood there looking lost.


Zac was worried what on earth was going on why wasn’t he finding Leah sexy anymore? She was Greek for heaven’s sake, she was sexy Zac spotted the newest bay’s doctor Tori he quickly made his way over to her table.


“Tori isn’t it may I sit down?” Zac said glancing behind to see Leah watching him again.


“Yes but aren’t you married to the host of this dating event?” Tori asked looking baffled.


“Yes this isn’t a dating matter, this is a doctor matter” Zac said quickly he quickly glanced at Tori’s low cut dress she had nice breasts Zac could see that but again he wasn’t aroused at the sight of them they were just nice.


“Oh yes what seems to be the trouble?”


“I’m feeling abit out of sorts a bit wonky I seem to have man problems” Zac said coughing.             

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Thank you for the comments hope you like this one

Warning sexul refences


Chapter 4


Constable Kat Chapman’s eyes scanned her cleverly put together murder broad once again. She was on the hunt for a killer. A killer who had ruined her game of cat and mouse having had chased the very cunning and somewhat very sexy blonde bombshell of Miss Charlotte King. Charlotte’s crimes when caught would of seen Kat’s career go sky high. But no somebody had to come and stick their beak in didn’t they by murdering her. Well tonight Kat was going to have her revenge and catch the killer. She picked up her cap and grabbed hold of her murder broad making sure none of the felt tip pen ink from the trail of clues stained her very fetching police uniform and dashed out to her cruiser. Kat knew very well where the killer was hiding out tonight and she was taking them down..



Tori looked at Zac questionly


“Man problems you say what would they be exactly?”


Zac looked down to his crotch area and Tori’s eyes followed his gaze. 


“I’m having trouble with…………..errrr you know”


“Unzipping your trousers Zac?” Tori asked with one of her eyebrows raised.


“Well the zip does sometimes get stuck yes and……………….OOOh never mind that nooooo my problem is that Leah and I…… We haven’t done it” Zac said looking shamefaced.


“What ever?” Asked Tori looking shocked, she couldn’t deny she thought this to be very unlikely. She was starting to wonder if there was something in the waters of SummerBay, having seen loads of people over the last month. People who were worried that their sex drive was too high and worried about having kids as a result of having too much sex.


“Yes of course we have, and it was great once upon a time. I loved to have her on top of me dressed as a cowgirl and………”


“Ok Zac too much information, what is it then, what’s stopping you loving the act of sex with her now?” Tori asked blushing slightly.


“I’m limb all the time down there all the time I think its broken. It doesn’t even twitch when I see other women walking around. I checked by looking down your top Tori I hope you don’t mind.”


Tori’s eyes narrowed and in that moment she just wanted to slap him.


“Do you think you are in need of Viagra Zac how old are you?”


“I have no idea of my age we stop having birthdays in this town. But no its something more than not being able to get a erection I don’t seem to fancy women at all..”



Nate Copper was a bit of a tit he knew this himself and so did most the women of the bay. He had a bedpost with all the women names of the bay craved into it and now he was bored and needed to venture out, spread his net wider and that was what he planned on doing. Looking around the diner at all the other speed daters he licked his lips.



Matt Page was growing bored of sped dating now. He hadn’t found what he was looking for at all. Maddy was nice yes and he wouldn’t mind seeing her again, but she was a bit on the young side for him. Matt needed a older woman after having a affair with the now murdered Charlotte King. He wanted the lust of a older woman He plonked himself down into the seat and stared up at a blonde woman who had her rather perky large balloons on show a little baby was happily nibbling at them hungrily.


“Hi name’s Ricky this here is little Case”


“I’m Matt and I like what I see baby…. Here let me write you a little song”


“Naa I don’t go in for all that crap Matt. Just give it too me straight have you ever been to prison or faked your death before?”


Oscar was nearly there and as he gazed at Maddy. he saw that she had started to cry Who would of made such a beautiful girl like her cry? Oscar thought, he was going to make her laugh he had decided. And now he was only one table away from her he felt his heart pumping fast with the little flutters of butterflies as he dreamed of all the things he would say to Maddy once he got his chance too. He wasn’t going to mess it up he just wasn’t.              

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Thanks for the comments glad to know I'm entertaing you all :)


Chapter 5


The sound of Chris’s party poppers exploded and whizzed throughout the diner signalling the end of the dates. Oscar’s butterflies within the realms of stomach felt as though they were performing somersaults. He was about to meet Maddy, He had built  this one meeting up within his mind ever since he had seen her guide Skye out of the bathroom. Within those fleeting moments he knew Maddy was going to be special. He hoped that she would see the same tenderness and gentlest within him as well, because with the way she had smiled and gazed at him Oscar knew Maddy deserved the world.


Oscar’s heart dropped and the feeling of utter heartbreak flowed within his soul Maddy’s table was empty Maddy was gone.


“Bad luck dude, never mind though that chick was very emotional” Josh smiled as he moved away. Oscar just stared blankly ahead his chances of meeting Maddy dashed. 


Nate Copper the tit moved though the sea of daters like a shark hunting his prey. Nate had come to this dating event shirtless and made sure he flexed his chest biceps as he moved to a table. He was sure he had spotted the ideal women he was after the casual type. The ones just here to be used and thrown away once he became bored Nate the tit sat down.


“Well hello I’m a doctor and…………….. NATE NATE HELP ME OVER HERE PLEASE”


Nate turned to see Tori signalling for him to come over to her.


Oh Tori Nate thought yes she was nice she would do for now.


“Yo Tori I will be right over” Nate said making sure he ran over doing his best Baywatch impression.


Tori glanced at Zac.


“I really do think you should speak to Nate he will sort you out Zac”


“Ok I don’t see how exactly but…………………”.Zac stopped talking as a shirtless Nate ran in slow motion towards him.


Tori glanced down to watch Zac’s once limb trouser snake rise quite stiffly.


“Well I guess we know your problem Zac” Tori said smiling.


Zac blushed and tried to cover his excitement for Nate with his hands.


“I don’t know what you mean I’m not I’m not…..”


“Yes, yes you are you are gay” Tori said laughing. Zac glanced nerously over at Leah and thought (Oooooooh Crap or maybe something more x rated insert own reaction here)


Zac went back to watching Nate he was envisioning Nate covered in baby oil.    




Oscar had left the diner via the fire exit  hoping to go unnoticed. The night’s air was bitterly cold upon his face and wind blew through his hair giving it a ripple effect. As he gazed and followed the pier downward he spotted Maddy sitting within the windswept lightly billowing sand storms of the beach. He watched as she kept brushing her long blonde hair away from her face which seemed to grow more golden each time with every stroke. Oscar threw his sandals aside and started running. The heat from the sand of the day’s warmth of the sun warmed the heels of his feet as he ran towards her. Maddy’s crying sobs echoed and carried the night’s chill to Oscar’s ears. Panting Oscar stopped he wasn’t as fit as he thought Oscar waited a beat before speaking.


“Hey what’s up?” Oscar knelt down beside her and placed his hand just below Maddy shoulder blade. Maddy’s face turned.


“I went there tonight hoping people would see me and not…….”


“Not what?” Oscar asked in confusion Maddy rolled her eyes and sighed.


“It really doesn’t matter” Maddy said wiping her tears allowing them to splash lightly in to the sand.


“Cool because I have no idea what you are talking about” Oscar said as he sat down next to her Maddy raised her eyebrows.


“Really you don’t find anything odd about me? I mean you can’t really miss it”


“Is it your beauty?” Oscar asked smiling


“You find my beauty odd?” Maddy asked smiling as Oscar started to rethink his answer.


“We are all a little odd I like colourful shirts for starters, and I often get very flustered when talking to girls nobody’s prefect.” Oscar said looking down at the sand and slowly raising his head to gaze back up at Maddy.


“I most certainly am not prefect” Maddy said sighing.


“Oh I would have to disagree, your blonde for starters, and I mean supermodel blonde. Oscar said His heart was racing but somehow he was managing to pull through his shyness.


“Ha I’m not a supermodel I mean look at me” Maddy said laughing slightly.


“I am looking at you”


“No I mean really look at me and tell me you like me then”


“Do you like Star Trek could you see yourself watching it with me?” Oscar asked dodging around what Maddy was really worried about.


“You what Star Trek, Do I like Star Trek?”


“I’m very sweet or so I have been told but also I’m quite the nerd could you see yourself watching Star Trek with me?” Oscar asked


“Yes but…. I’m sorry I don’t know your name”


“Oscar I’m Oscar and I know your Maddy I have been looking forward to meeting you all night…”


“Looking forward to meeting the one armed girl yeah sure” Maddy said tears starting to fill her eyes once more.


“Really you have one arm I hadn’t noticed” Oscar said acting all mock surprised.


“Liar” Maddy nudged Oscar playfully and smiled.


“I really do think your beautiful Maddy” Oscar said glancing out to sea to hide his blushing face


“I once was yes, I’m not anymore, everyone I have spoken too tonight wants to know how I lost my arm”


“Were you attacked by a bear?” Oscar said turning around to face her again.




“Shame that would have been exciting” Oscar said grinning.


“I had cancer and they had to to……”


“Its alright I know……. But don’t worry it just couldn’t stay. I put it don’t to your sheerness hotness Maddy”


“Oh you are a charmer aren’t you? and your not getting flustered talking to me in fact I think we should watch Star Trek together..


Oscar grinned and learned across Maddy. As he did so her hair brushed against his cheek. Oscar had this sudden terror of getting this wrong and Maddy wondering what he was trying to do. Oscar remembered the time it had taken over half an hour to pluck up the bravest to just to kiss a girl and now he was hovering in midair awaiting the feel of Maddy’s lips to touch his. Breathing a sigh of relief as they did so Oscar felt the urge to run along the beach yelling that he had managed to kiss the girl he would class as prefect.


Maddy’s lips pressed gently against Oscar’s and as she let the kiss carry her into bliss she realised Oscar had made her feel like her old self again before the loss of her arm. Her safe haven like Oscar had said nobody was prefect, she grinned at this slightly because of the way Oscar was enjoying their kiss she felt more than prefect.


Oscar pulled away looking breathless.


“Wow that took my breath away”

“Me too Oscar me too” Maddy smiled as she pulled him closer where Oscar rested his head on her shoulder and watched as the waves from the sea gently lapped at their feet.              

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 Thank you everyone for the feedback


Chapter 6


Oscar’s eyes opened Maddy was snoring lightly. Oscar smiled he wouldn’t have ever imagined that he would experience falling asleep upon the golden sands of the beach with girl as beautiful as Maddy. Lying there while listening to the romantic sounds of the rushing waves as they lapped against them lightly Oscar just watched and waited as Maddy turned to face him.


“We really should move you know Oscar”


Oscar got to his feet, the sand felt slippery against his bare slightly tanned feet. Maddy had rolled over onto her back. She started to giggle as Oscar fell onto of her as he lost his footing. Brushing Oscar’s hair gently she wrapped her arm around him and pulled him close. Even though the waves from the sea were icy cold and they were both soaked through. Their kiss that they were sharing made them both feel a inner warmth of total calmness and a sense of safety.


Oscar gently brushed Maddy’s hair away from her face and then slowly got to his feet then holding out his hand he helped Maddy to her feet.


“Wow I would like to say I would be interested in seeing you again, if you would like that too?” Oscar said tensing as he did so at the fear of Maddy for whatever reason of turning his offer down.


“Of course I would I don’t go getting sand in places I never thought were possible for anyone you know?” Maddy said laughing. Oscar blushed


“I hope the sand that you find over the next few days will remind you of me until our next date..”


“I’m not going to forget you Oscar, and yes I will get the popcorn and snacks for our Star Trek movie night and after that we can do something I like, like I don’t know painting my fingernails.” Maddy gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she ran over to give herself a quick rinse at the beaches outside showers.


Oscar turned back towards the sea took a refreshing breath and smiled.



“Hi I’m Nate” Nate said holding his hand out for Zac to shake. Tori couldn’t help but smile as she watched them both gaze at each other.


“Yes I know I have watched you kayaking  in the Moring while I drink my coffee before heading to school, you have very good form” Zac couldn’t believe he had just said that but being the tit he was famous for Nate hadn’t seemed to noticed that he might just be getting hit on.


“Yes it keeps me fit”


“It most certainly does that” Zac said as he started to lose himself within Nate’s dreamy eyes.


Leah meanwhile had been happily mingling and talking to people. She had wondered why it was taking Zac so long to go and fetch his burger though. Chris had a stack of them made already so………………. And then she saw him Zac looking as though he was dribbling at the mouth, and how dare he Leah thought. She could sense her inner dragon wanting to take flight and its fire was boiling to the surface. So much so steam was bound to come popping and whistling from Leah ears at any time now. Zac was over there chatting and dribbling to the very sassy doctor Tori. Leah dismissed the other fellow the Barbie ken doll lookalike. Leah started to march towards her cheating  Hubbard  Roo Stewart staggered sleepily into her Leah’s path though cutting her off.


Ricky sat with her arms folded awaiting Matt Page’s answer to her demanding questions.


“Errrr well I been fined for spray painting if that counts Ricky?”


“Not quite but it will do for now” Ricky said as she passed baby Casey over to Matt who took him out of sheer surprise, as Ricky put her melons away much to Matt’s disappointment.


“Well you coming or not?” Ricky asked standing while giving the look to Matt as to say its now or never get your chance while the iron is hot.


Matt managed to somehow juggle his guitar case and skateboard as well as baby Casey and started to follow Ricky out into the night. But before he could make it out the door the sounds of some very loud car tyres skidded to a stop


The number one crime buster cop Kat Chapman of Summer Bay jumped out from her cruiser and performed a very impressive roll she was just so exicted she was about to take Charlotte’s killer down she held her gun high and shouted at the top of her lungs “STOP STAY WHERE YOU ARE WHERE’S JOSH BARRET? I NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH HIM ABOUT HIS VERY WELL CONTIONED PRETTY HAIR

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Now get ready this chapter is very silly but I hope you all enjoy it

Chapter 7


Kat bounded passed Matt and Ricky forcedly, which made little Casey giggle with delight. His little cute hands tried to grab at her gun as she ran past into the diner’s of love feast.


“I here so declare this love shack event over” Kat boomed.

Kat scanned the room gun raised all the while… She was just about to move forwards again but as she lifted her foot from the ground, she was smacked to the side with a almightily hulk style punch. Leah marched onwards she hadn’t realised that she had punched the law enforcement officer to the side like she was a ragdoll. Leah must of become too misty eyed with her on slaughter of fury for Tori  that she had somehow managed to block out the sounds of Kat’s groaning. But never the less Kat picked herself up off the floor. Lucky for Leah though Kat was feeling dazed given the women’s impactful strength.


Zac meanwhile had moved incredibly close to Nate and had taken one of his hands. He sat there watching Nate’s lips smack down wetly as he spoke wanting to snog him like nothing else mattered in the world. Tori had placed one hand on Zac’s arm as a way of hoping to stop him jumping Nate’s bones in public. Nate was still  bristly unaware of what was happening. He was after all just wittering on about kayaking which Zac seemed to be very interested in.


Tori suddenly felt a sharp pain to the side of her face and went quite dizzy. Leah smiled as she slapped Tori face and watched as her head seemed to spin around and her head sprang from one side to the other like bobble head.


“What the hell?” Tori yelled leaping to her feet.


“I could ask you the same thing, flirting with my Zacky Wack Leah yelled while foaming at the mouth.


“I’m not you crazy moussaka loving witch” Tori yelled back.


“You been giving it to him have you? that’s why he only wants to finish his book when his with me” Leah yelled.


“Zac tell her” Tori said turning to face Zac who sounded like he was experiencing the best tasting meal ever.


“Yes Zac tell me” Leah said also turning towards Zac’s pleasure filled groans.


Tori and Leah just stared open mouthed as they watched Zac pash Nate hungrily.


Nate pulled way quickly.


“Wow easy mate I…..”


“Zac what on earth are you doing? Leah stood there looking stoned faced her hands on her hips.


“Leah I can explain please I think I might just be a tiny abit gay”


“Oh don’t be silly Zac, now go get in the car I…….”


Leah was cut off by a loud earth shattering gunshot from Kat’s pistol Kat scared herself she hadn’t realised how loud of bang it would let off.


She rushed over to Zac.


“Good now that I have you attention tell me what shampoo do you wash with?”


Kat watched from the corner of her eye as the fugitive known as Josh Barret bolted for the door. She quickly threw her trusted police issued state of the art truncheon lasso. The truncheon part acted as a way to knock Josh from his feet and the lasso was then used as to drag Josh over to them.


Kat glared down at Josh who was dazed and confused.


“What the hell I ain’t done nothing wrong I…….”


“Nice hair Josh, tell me how did you manage to get it so shiny and sexy? Is it because you and brother Andy have been  experimenting with making shampoo’s that can make you high, but instead it’s gone abit wrong hasn’t it? And those heavenly scents from the shampoo’s have a habbit of turning people gay instead. I’m surprised you haven’t been affected.


Josh looked shame faced and said…..


“Well I have been looking forward to speaking to a guy called Oscar all night, he sounds awesome but I just couldn’t get away from his god dam sister all night.. “


Zac sighed the longest sigh of relief he had ever done in his life.


“Sorry Nate mate turns out I’m just not that into you after all.” Zac said patting the rather shell shocked tit of a super doctor on the shoulder.


Leah grabbed Zac’s hand and frowned at him.


“Zac if you truly still love me you won’t shower for a whole week”


Zac grinned and kissed Leah on the lips. The kiss didn’t blow him away it was just was nice like Alf’s fish.




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Thanks for all your comments on this silly story of mine means alot


Chapter 8


“Haha poor you its not as if you can charge me with anything though” Josh laughed cowering slightly as Kat raised her truncheon as a aid to warn away any of his cockiness..


“Don’t be so smug about it Josh I’m warning you” Kat said she turned away from him and started to walk calmly throughout the diner’s tables which were decorated with vases of red roses and love hearts.


“Are you all having a lovey dovey time everybody?” Kat listened to the all the nervous little murmurs of mumbles as she swung her truncheon lightly throughout her fingers.


“That’s nice because I’m changing this date night into a kind of murder mystery night.” Kat said smiling.


“Oh sorry Kat I haven’t got the funding for that kind of thing” Chris shouted. But as he did so Kat turned her head like a slow poisonous snake stalking her prey.


“I’m the law Chris around these sandy shores and what I say goes. Now then here on this DVD that I have in my pocket, that I have been meaning to watch for months but you know how it is being a busy police officer, The DVD which I got from the the surf watch cameras on the beach shows the killer of Charlotte King. Now before we play it does anyone have anything they would like to confess? Kat asked spinning around on her tiptoes and pulling down the movie screen that Chris had installed as a way for the diners to watch any big sporting events as they enjoyed their meals. Chris was proud of this feature as it was one sure way to damage any business to his rival Brody Morgan the bay’s very own Gordon Ramsay.


“It was me ok I killed Charlotte ok….” Matt stopped talking and winked over at Ricky, who was starting to look well impressed by her toyboy’s confessions of high stake crimes.


“No, no it wasn’t you Matthew” Kat said rolling her eyes.


“It was I swear” he rushed forward.


“Can’t we just pretend it was? Look how much this is turning Ricky on I mean she wants me badly”


Kat glared at Matt before hitting play on the Diner’s state of are blray DVD player


Everyone watched with baited breath……


“Oh sweet look homemade porn” Josh whistled up from down on the floor. Kat blushed as she quickly fast forwarded over her and her boyfriend Ash making out on the sofa.


The murder clip started to play……

Kyle Braxton one of the bay’s members of the bay’s highest crime mob families The Braxtons was happily walking along pushing a pram, and was busy cooing down at baby Casey, who could be heard laughing and clapping along with Kyle’s silly face pulling.


Charlotte King with all her sexiness and hotness wandered into shot and threw a phone at Kyle’s head, which made him miss his footing and crash Casey’s pram into a nearby bench.


Charlotte then pulled a gun and started to yell for Kyle to delete any pictures he might have taken on the phone of her wonderful and stunning naked body.


Casey watched eyes peering over the brim of his pram.


Kyle and Charlotte were now fighting. The gun that Charlotte was waving about soared upwards into the sky and as it flew it bounced off the side of the Casey pram causing it to roll, and Casey giggled and caught the gun within his chubby little hands. Kyle heard Casey approaching and quickly pushed Charlotte away from him. But he had no chance of stopping the rolling pram as a seagull flew over at that moment and shat in his eyes and blinded him. Kyle had knocked himself out on the bench. and then  Charlotte was ploughed into  with the pram’s great force from being made with steel armour seeing as baby Casey was a Braxton. Casey giggled and started to mash the gun’s trigger with his little piggy like fingers. The gunshot sounded as Charlotte decake herself of having a sandy face the bullet from the gun shot her dead and that was that. Casey had rolled all the way home and Kyle had awoken to find Charlotte gone probably washed out to sea or buried in the sand or something Kyle supposed and then he too had wandered home to find baby Casey happily playing in his playpen the DVD stopped playing.


“Yes I know I’m quite disappointed too I can’t arrest a baby I can’t arrest Josh for making shampoo that turns you gay either oh what a night” Kat sighed.


Casey giggled.


Over the next few months Matt Page had agreed to enter into a friends with benefits deal with Ricky until she heard from her jailbird boyfriend Brax… Josh Barret was still feeling horny for Oscar, and Zac and Leah and Nate the tit came to a understanding that until Josh’s gay making shampoo worn off that Leah Zac and Nate were to have threesomes. It improved Leah’s sex life and that was at the end of the day all she wanted so she was happy.


Oscar stood looking out towards the deep blue sea watching Maddy as she gazed at the locket he had given her with the words engraved to my beautiful blonde mermaid.




Oscar turned to see Skye stood behind him.


“Maddy looks happy” Skye said  


“I hope so I hope I do make her happy”

“I have no doubt you do Oscar, well see you around”


“Skye wait I just wanted to say.. I had you down as a prefect ten on my dating scorecard.”


“That’s nice I had you marked the same I really liked you.”


“Thanks hey listen if it wasn’t for Maddy…..”


“Don’t worry I have someone else too” Skye said dreamy as she watched her hulk of a man crash his way through the waves of the water. Splashing Maddy as she got up from her thinking daydreaming sand spot and started to make her way over to Oscar…


“That’s VJ his ok, quite sweet really, acts the child sometimes seems like his grown up before his time sometimes too. But for some reason he makes me laugh.” Skye said as she ran off to meet VJ.


Oscar watched Skye go and then grinned as Maddy ran to him and kissed him deeply. Her locket swinging lightly against her chest. She hadn’t felt this happy in a long time Oscar wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they both walked away leaving their footprints in the sand.


The End





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