The S Men

[Miranda]

As per instructions, here is the next chapter Temperature's rising...

Ten

“You make an amazing guitar, baby,” Lyclops said and Charlique giggled.

Indi Jean glared.

“She- she was the guitar all the time- she wanted to get into the mansion secretly-“

Nicole Storm patted her arm.

“Can you turn back into the guitar?” Lyclops beamed at Charlique. “We can make beautiful music.”

She giggled and did so.

Rogue Ruby was woken by the alarm at Braxneto’s lair.

“Kiss me,” she ordered Roverine.

“What, now?”

“Yes!”

So he did. The kiss also lasted half a minute before he started weakening, which both annoyed and reassured her. Now she didn’t know who she preferred, him or Caseytooth.

Then she looked round and realised they were all in danger.

Surrounded by yet more of the uniformed workers, the quartet sighed with boredom. Not another fight.

Suddenly fireworks exploded all around them and the workers were all lying on the floor out cold.

“Phew, that’s a relief. I was getting fed up with fight scenes,” said Roverine.

“You’re turning into a wuss,” teased Rogue Ruby.

“What happened anyway?”

“It was me,” said April Jubilee. “My special plasma explosions can cause people to be knocked unconscious.”

“Cool,” said the Professor, trying to sound young and hip. “Shall we?”

He gestured towards the corridor and wheeled himself and April away along it, so fast that Roverine had to jog to keep up.

“How did you get involved with Braxneto anyway?” asked Professor Dex, taking advantage of the fact Roverine was not in earshot.

“I was desperate for money,” she said sadly. “He advertised a maid job, mutants only. And I got it. I was so happy at first, then I realised-”

“Did he treat you badly?” The Professor felt anger rising. Or something.

“Not badly, but… he’s just a maniac. I didn’t agree with his mutant racism.”

“Well, never fear. We’ll save you.” They exchanged smiles.

The group arrived at the mansion to find it all eerily quiet.

“I’ve got a bad feeling-“ began Roverine.

“Will you stop saying that?” snapped Rogue Ruby.

They all tiptoed, and tipwheeled, into the building.

It was still deathly quiet, then they heard sad music with someone singing along. Roverine put Rogue Ruby down onto a chair, and set off towards the sound.

He found Indi Jean in the kitchen, eating a huge tub of ice cream while singing.

“#Don't know when I've been so blue

Don't know what's come over you

You've found someone new

And don't it make my brown eyes blue#”

“Whatever’s the matter? Where’s the others?”

“They- they-“

“They what?” He was imagining all sorts of terrible things.

“They’ve gone off in couples.”

Her lower lip began to tremble.

“It’s- it’s not fair,” she quavered. “All the boys fancy someone else but m- me.”

He hesitated.

“Even the man I love- or thought I loved- prefers that shape shifter. He says she’s more flexible. Obviously she would be.”

He wondered what she was talking about.

“I know I’m the most boring S person, with uncool powers and no sexy armour, but I’m only trying to do the right thing, and-“

“I like you. I have done for ages.”

She looked at him disbelievingly.

“It’s nice to know that you won’t kill me if I…”

“If you what?”

“If I were to kiss you or whatever.”

“Kiss me? How dare you?” She slapped him. “I’m in a relationship, thank you very much!”

“Are you?”

She glared at him, shaking with emotion, so he kissed her to see what she’d do. It was a relief when she didn’t push him away. Or kill him.

Much later, the couples began emerging from their bedrooms to find that fortunately, the Baddies hadn’t taken advantage of the romantic interlude. They gathered in the library.

“What’s she doing here?” asked Roverine, straightening his t-shirt and nodding at Charlique.

Indi Jean was re-arranging her hair into its usual neat bun.

“She’s defected,” said Lyclops, putting his boots back on.

Charlique smiled at him and her blue skin shimmered into pink.

“Defected? From Braxneto to us?”

“Yes. I couldn’t stand living under a dictator anymore.” She grinned.

Professor Dex arrived in his personal lift from the bedroom. April Jubilee was sitting on his lap and they were gazing affectionately at each other.

He noticed Charlique and glared at her.

“I understand if you don’t like seeing me,” she said meekly. “Please believe I want to be here wholeheartedly.”

“Hm… Excuse me if I don’t believe you.”

Rogue Ruby strolled in.

“Where have you all been? I was so bored I went to check my emails.”

Everyone tried to avoid each other’s eyes.

“I’ve had so many since I was kidnapped. But most trying to sell me Viagra, offers of marriage and requests for my bank password, so nothing exciting.”

She’d hoped for a message from Caseytooth, but presumed he’d been busy researching mutancy again.

“Doesn’t look like Viagra is needed round here though,” she added jealously.

Everyone shuffled uncomfortably, then fortunately a sinister and unexpected darkness fell over the mansion.

“Is that a thunderstorm?” asked Indi Jean. “Is Nicole-“

Right on cue, two blurs zoomed in and became Xavier and Nicole Storm, smoothing down their hair and cloak respectively.

“It’s not me controlling the weather,” she said.

Xavier looked out of the window.

“It’s a massive spaceship!” he gasped. “Hovering above us.”

[Miranda]

Gosh, that's been an emotional few fics I've just read and written, phew.

Now for something completely different and light hearted.

Eleven

Everyone gazed at the spaceship as it hovered there in a sinister manner.

“So,” said Romeo crossly to Xavier. “My best friend and my sister, hm?”

“Don’t worry, mate,” said Lyclops. “I’m sure they’re just Friends.”

“That’s Braxneto’s ship,” interrupted Nicole.

“But how did they know where to find us?” asked Indi Jean. “The Professor and I keep a permanent telepathic shield over this place.”

“Well, we have just been a bit distracted,” said Professor Dex, exchanging guilty glances with her.

“I don’t think that was the reason,” said Roverine. “There are three possible spies here.” He glanced between Rogue Ruby, April Jubilee and Charlique.

“What?” they all said at once.

“You’re involved with Caseytooth,” he said to Rogue Ruby.

“You two are both from Braxneto’s gang, so for all we know you could have told him,” he said to April Jubilee and Charlique.

“Hang on a minute,” said Professor Dex and Lyclops defensively.

But before anyone could do anything else, they all began to dematerialise.

They reappeared inside a dark room, with a loud humming noise dominating it.

Suddenly the lights came on.

“Mwah hahaha! You fools!” cackled the voice of Braxneto. “You fell for my cunning plan.”

The S Men all blinked and shaded their eyes from the light. As they became used to it, they saw the metal capped one sitting on a kind of throne in the centre of the floor. On one side was PyroHeath, with the usual ball of flame in his hand. On the other side was Caseytooth, trying to look as if he wasn’t anything to do with the others. And in front of them was….

Charlique.

Lyclops gasped in horror.

“You thought I’d betray my lover.” She laughed wickedly and bent her head backwards to Braxneto. Lyclops sighed, remembering just how bendy she could be.

“I said it would be one of the girls, didn’t I?” muttered Roverine to Xavier.

“Silence!” roared Braxneto.

Marilyn stood behind the throne, looking down at her feet.

“Poor Marilyn,” whispered Indi Jean to Nicole Storm.

“I said: ‘silence!’” bellowed Braxneto even louder. PyroHeath and Caseytooth flinched. Caseytooth’s super senses had overheard the whisperings though, and glanced back at Marilyn. He beckoned her over.

“Forgotten someone?” he said to Braxneto, who ignored him and gestured towards the ceiling. A cage fell down on top of the S Men and April Jubilee. He made another hand signal and the humming noise increased.

“We’re on the ship!” said Professor Dex. “Why didn’t my incredible brain power tell me that?”

The ship flew for some hours, then landed with a roar of retro thrust engines. The cage lifted and the gang were escorted out by uniformed guards.

Obviously, they were in Braxneto’s lair.

“Now, I have you at my mercy,” he laughed, while Charlique and Marilyn gazed adoringly at him.

“I can’t move,” complained Xavier. “He’s paralysed me.”

“And my wheels,” added Professor Dex.

“We need to paralyse him in return,” said Roverine. The others nodded. Nicole Storm threw an ice bolt at Braxneto, catching him by surprise. It hit him on the head, but PyroHeath leapt into action and melted it.

Indi Jean concentrated on PyroHeath, sending disruptive thoughts into his mind. As a result, he gazed adoringly at Marilyn and swooned at her feet. She giggled and fluttered over him.

Caseytooth shuffled slowly towards the exit, trying not to get involved.

Meanwhile, the uniformed workers were attacking Roverine and Lyclops, who fought back to back. Roverine sliced at them, cutting them to ribbons, while Lyclops’ laser vision disintegrated them, cutting them in half.

Nicole Storm hovered above the scene, sending lightning bolts down on all the Baddies.

Braxneto was besieged by Rogue Ruby and April Jubilee, one killing him by touch bit by bit, the other blinding and deafening him with plasma blasts.

“This isn’t much fun, is it?” observed Professor Dex to Xavier. They were still out of action, both held by Braxneto’s metal subduing powers.

“No. If only the girls could just- oh hang on.” Xavier felt his powers returning as Braxneto was overwhelmed by his assailants.

He strode into the fray, punching left and right with the speed and action of a helicopter blade. Uniformed workers flew through the air, hitting each other and falling unconscious.

“Calm down will you?” said Roverine, holding up an arm to block a flying worker. “You’re going to do damage one of us in a minute!”

“Sorry. Just glad to be free!”

Indi Jean had moved away from the fighting now. She knew she couldn’t get into anything physical as her powers were of the mind. She looked over at Roverine, who was now tying up the battered Braxneto while Rogue Ruby helped. They were whispering to each other and laughing. Indi Jean tried to listen in, but someone was blocking her telepathy. Of course. It was Rogue Ruby with her elementary powers. She must be feeling tired if Ruby could block her.

She wished she could just go and lie down somewhere and sleep. Fighting was so tedious. If only she could read a good book somewhere.

Suddenly, Rogue Ruby shrieked. Braxneto had summoned all his powers and seized her. Xavier froze where he stood, Professor Dex’s chair screeched to a halt, almost throwing him out.

[Miranda]

Twelve

Braxneto rose up like a zeppelin, carrying Rogue Ruby. None of the S Men were able to stop him even though his workers were nearly all out of action.

Except… Nicole Storm. She gathered all her strength and flew up, grabbing his laced boot. He tried to kick it off and it was coming loose, little by little. Nicole couldn’t hang on.

“To the Transformer!” shrieked Braxneto maniacally. “My enormous weapon will change the world!” He flew over to the device and prepared to land.

Rogue Ruby gathered all her strength, and kissed him as enthusiastically as she could, tongue and all. He gasped, then started weakening, sinking in the air as he did so. She didn’t stop and he fell to the floor with her, then breathed his last as her powers triumphed.

Charlique ran towards the heap.

“My true love!” She changed colour as she cradled his body in her arms. Lyclops gazed at her sadly. Or perhaps hopefully, as he saw a ‘comforting the bereaved widow’ session approaching.

Rogue Ruby sat back, drained.

Professor Dex and April Jubilee hurried over to comfort her.

Roverine looked round suspiciously. The uniformed workers were all unconscious. Braxneto was dead. PyroHeath was snogging Marilyn in the corner.

So where was his nemesis, Caseytooth? Was he at this moment planning the destruction of the S Men? Was he, in fact the evil mastermind? His imagination was running wild.

Roverine sneaked to Caseytooth’s lair. He could hear the usual classical music emanating from the room. It was rather loud. Maybe it was covering some dastardly deeds. The door was open for some reason, so he sneaked in.

He gasped as he saw Caseytooth in bed, and he was not alone. There was someone else there. Someone blonde.

“Er- hi…” said Indi Jean, her eyes huge and guilty.

“Should look after your girlfriend better,” said Caseytooth, pushing his hair back from his face. This would teach Roverine to tie him up and leave him to gnaw his way out of his bonds.

Roverine just stood there with his mouth open. Then someone bumped into his back.

It was Rogue Ruby. She peered round Roverine and gasped.

“Roverine, I-“ began Indi Jean.

“Save it.” He turned and left, pulling Rogue Ruby along with him.

Caseytooth and Indi Jean exchanged guilty glances. Well, not too guilty.

“And you thought you were the most boring S Man.”

“S Person. Not that it matters now.”

“They’ll get over it.” He grinned, showing his fangs. “Now, what am I thinking right now?”

She gasped and tutted, trying to look shocked.

“Honestly, they’ll be alright.” He stroked her hair. “You’re better than Ruby.”

“Am I though? Cheating on my boyfriend?”

“Are you married to Roverine? Or Lyclops?”

“No, but I’ve always been the sensible one, never doing anything wrong-“ She folded her arms as if to prove it.

He licked her arm, ‘accidentally’ brushing her breast with his tongue.

“I’ve always been the boring one, you’re right. Dressed in boring clothes-“

“Oh, stop! If I thought you were boring, your boring clothes wouldn’t be on the floor over there-“

The clothes flung all over the place were mixed up with the books they’d been reading before being overcome with lust.

“Yes, perhaps I should have folded them neatly-“

“You need to stop analysing everything and just do it. Like this.” He pulled the covers back over their heads.

“So you really are furry all over,” she said in a muffled tone.

He chuckled wickedly.

Roverine and Rogue Ruby walked along in stunned silence.

“I didn’t think he was like that!” she blurted.

“Same here with her.”

“She’s so boring. Sorry. But I didn't think he’d like someone like that.”

“Well, I told you he was a Baddie.”

They walked on a bit more.

“Let’s not go back to the Professor just yet. Let’s just chill somewhere for a while,” he suggested.

“Okay.” She gulped. “I don’t want to fit in with his stupid plans right now.”

The great hall was a mess, but it wasn’t the S Men’s job to tidy it up.

“How are we going to get home?” quavered April Jubilee. “We’re miles from anywhere.”

[Miranda]

Thirteen

Professor Dex was touched that AprilJubilee already thought of his mansion as home.

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something,” he said manfully.

“I could fly home and get one of the S Fighters,” offered Nicole Storm. “I’d find the way somehow.”

“But you’re exhausted after fighting,” said Xavier with concern. “It would be better if I ran back.”

“You’re exhausted too.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him and they fell into an embrace.

Lyclops was helping Charlique come to terms with her loss.

“I can find you some good therapists,” he offered. “I’ve had lots of therapy, so I should know.”

Roverine and Rogue Ruby had found the obligatory green space within the Braxneto empire.

“It’s good that OFMUTANT says all super villains have to provide their workers with a space to relax,” observed Roverine.

“It’s not fair,” said Rogue Ruby. “I find a brilliant boyfriend, then he cheats on me with some dreary woman. Just cos I kill people I touch, I don’t get to have a boyfriend. Why me?”

“I know what you mean. Just when I get together with the woman I’ve wanted for years, she goes off with some freak wolf who doesn’t even have metal claws.”

“Don’t call him a freak!”

“Well, don’t call her dreary!”

“Why can’t you keep her on a leash? She must have used telepathy to get him into bed, she isn’t his type!”

“Her on a leash? It’s him who should be on a leash, he’s feral. I bet he lured her into his lair with his classical music and books and painting.”

They paused, glaring at each other.

“Actually, I hate classical music and books,” observed Rogue Ruby. “I get bored when he goes on about those.”

“Yeah, me too. I don’t really understand when Indi talks about philosophy or quantum physics.”

They paused, not glaring at each other.

“You know, you’re a much better kisser than him, you lasted much longer.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. She was lying but he wasn’t to know, was he?

“Am I? Did I?”

She looked up at him cutely so he tried an experimental kiss, which actually lasted a minute this time before impending death.

Sometime later Rogue Ruby and Roverine made their way back to the great hall. Everyone was preparing to leave.

“Come along you two,” said Professor Dex bossily. “Where’s Indi Jean?”

“Don’t know if she’ll be coming back with us,” muttered Roverine.

“You look pale. The fight must have taken it out of you.”

“Yes, that must have been what it was.”

“Nicole Storm and Xavier have gone back for the S Fighter, so we’ll be returning to the mansion soon.”

Roverine staggered and had to sit down. Rogue Ruby, however, grinned.

“He’ll be alright in a minute.”

“Er- yes.” The Professor gave them a knowing look and wheeled away.

A few hours later, the S Fighter arrived and the tired S Men filed in thankfully. It was crowded in there, however. Xavier and Nicole; Lyclops and Charlique; Professor Dex and April Jubilee; Roverine and Rogue Ruby.

Just as they all sat down, there was a huge explosion and the fighter shook.

“We must take off as quickly as we can,” said Lyclops, so he and Roverine began making preparations.

“Stop,” said the Professor suddenly, getting a telepathic vibe.

“Stop?”

Everyone looked at him in confusion.

“Open the door again.”

Two figures were waiting.

“Can we come back with you?” said Indi Jean. Caseytooth stood behind her looking at his feet.

“What’s he doing here?”

“He doesn’t want to stay in the lair. PyroHeath’s rebuilding the empire and he doesn’t want to be part of it.”

The Professor paused.

“I’m not a spy, honest,” said Caseytooth. “PyroHeath’s insane. He thinks he can take over the world.”

“We’ll take a chance then.” The Professor allowed them in. He had an idea what had been going on. “You must sit over there.” He indicated seats as far away from Roverine and Rogue Ruby as possible.

The fighter took off.

Suddenly, it shook again.

Professor Dex pressed a button and a screen appeared on the wall. Unfamiliar combat planes were heading towards them.

“You two! Get to the gun turrets!” He indicated Roverine and Xavier.

“Gun turrets?” asked Xavier. “I didn’t realise this was an actual fighter!” He looked round excitedly.

“No time for a tour!” Roverine grabbed his arm and directed him to the weaponry.

Xavier found himself looking out of the gun turret at the sky all around. The planes were getting closer.

“Here they come!” shouted Roverine.

“They’re coming in too fast!” Xavier yelled, struggling to get the gun in position in time.

They fired the guns as the S Fighter took a hit.

On the bridge, Professor Dex took command, ordering the others about.

“Activate the hyperlinear flux drive!” he barked at Nicole Storm.

“Fire a trans-tronic warp burst!” he commanded Lyclops.

“Eject the dicrystalline photon core!” he roared at Indi Jean.

“Initiate the mono-quantum particle shield!” he bellowed at Caseytooth.

Everyone ran round like headless chickens trying to follow his instructions and understand what the hell he was talking about.

Back in the gun turrets, Xavier gave a triumphant cry.

“Got him! I got him!”

“Great kid!” replied Roverine. “Don’t get cocky!”

They fired the guns again and again, trying to outdo each other.

A half destroyed fighter, on fire, headed towards the gun turret at ramming speed.

“I’m out of ammunition!” shouted Xavier.

“My gun’s jammed!” yelled Roverine, frantically shaking it. “I can’t turn it!”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a streak of what looked like lightning zoomed across the sky, hit the fighter and took it out.

“What was that?”

“Damned if I know, but it saved us.”

They were surprised to see a hammer floating past the gun turret window. And even more surprised to see a sizzling blond Viking-like figure in armour screech to a halt outside. Hovering, he saluted them, grabbed the hammer, then zapped off again in a blur.

“Was that-“

“I think it was.”

They exchanged glances.

“Better not let the girls know he saved the day. I don’t want my girlfriends going off with yet another bloke.”

“Girlfriends plural?”

“It’s a long story.”

Now the fighters had all been despatched and with all the other actions taken by the Professor, PyroHeath’s Empire thought better of attacking the S Men and retreated.

So everyone relaxed, out of breath, muscles aching, hearts pounding, but relieved.

“We’ve won the first round,” said Professor Dex. “But if PyroHeath is building his empire, we must prepare to fight again. And soon.”

He looked round at the others, who all cheered, shook hands and patted each other on the back. Never mind the various rivalries which had gone before.

“Let’s go then,” said the Professor. “After all, there’s no place like home.”

THE END

(Jen if you don’t get that last quote, shame on you!)

(Red and JosieTash, if you don’t get the sci fi parodies in this, shame on you!)

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