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I'm Ok

Guest KirstyEkua

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So sorry this update is so late. No excuses really, apart from 3 weeks away and the rest, well.....just me being lazy. Thank you so much for all your comments and support, as always it means so much to me. I kind of lost my way with this i think and i'm not exactly sure this chapter is fitting but i wanted to give you guys something and hope you like it. :)

‘This is all my fault,’ Tony seethed as he anxiously paced the hospital corridor. ‘I was there last night and I knew she was scared, I knew something wasn’t right and I left. I left her Leah. God Damit!’ he yelled, punching the wall with his fist.

‘Tony stop, blaming yourself, it’s not going to change anything.’ Leah glanced at him from the plastic chair she was perched on, her eyes wide and red with tears.

‘If only I’d stayed, made her leave with me, anything apart from leaving her in that house with that monster,’ Tony muttered angrily as he approached Leah, blatantly ignoring what she’d just said.

‘Tony,’ Leah’s voice wobbled as he sat next to her and held his head in his hands. ‘Please stop it, you’re not helping. It’s as much my fault as yours. I’m her best friend,’ she sobbed as her shoulders started to shake, ‘I should have made her listen, been there for her more, God Tony I knew from the start but I just stood back and didn’t try hard enough to convince her to leave.’ She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and took a deep breath. Shaking her head vigorously she turned to Tony. ‘We just need to be there for her and make sure he gets what he deserves. Right?’

‘Right,’ he echoed, squeezing her hand tightly and smiling at her weakly.


‘I’m dying,’ Emily whispered, staring at her hands. She couldn’t look him in the eye. To see his pain would break her heart – and knowing she was responsible hurt more than the fact she would be gone in a few months. In her own way she’d come to terms with it. Knowing that nothing could save her somehow made it easier to deal with. .

The colour drained from his face. ‘No,’ he whispered. ‘The doctor’s appointments, I don’t understand.’ He stared at her. ‘You said this new doctor was helping!’ He was shouting now, the anger in his voice giving her goose-bumps.

‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She let the tears fall freely as she watched him storm out, flinching as the door slammed behind him.


Her head throbbed. She tried to sit up, gasping at pain shot through her body. Waves of nausea washed over her as she sank back into the pillows, struggling to fathom why she was lying in a hospital bed. Before she could make sense of her surroundings the door opened; although the pain made it impossible for her to turn and see who it was.

‘You’re awake,’ Tony called out joyfully as he approached her bedside. ‘Are you okay?’ he gazed at her, concern written all over his face.

‘Apart from feeling like I’ve been in car wreck, yeah I’m okay,’ she joked.

‘Rach!’ Leah flew in the door, almost dropping the cup of coffee she was carrying.

‘I’m fine,’ Rachel said quickly, desperate not to create a fuss. ‘I just want to forget this and move on, okay?’

‘Rach,’ Tony whispered as he perched on the edge of the bed and tentatively put his hand over hers. To his relief she didn’t push him away. ‘Rach,’ he repeated. ‘We know what happened. And Leah and I are –’

‘Don’t,’ she said, her eyes fixated on the ceiling. ‘Please don’t.’ She closed her eyes. She couldn’t bear it. All she wanted was for this nightmare to end. To be left alone and not to have people feel sorry for her. God she felt pathetic. But she didn’t want Tony to leave. Everything that had happened between them came flooding back to her and try as she might, she couldn’t get it out of her mind. His hand over hers comforted her. Rachel realised she didn’t ever want him to take it away.

Leah stood quietly by the door, silent tears streaming down her face. ‘I can’t stand by anymore and watch you go through this,’ she whispered, her heart breaking. ‘I love you too much Rachel and I’m not going to let him get away with this. I’m not.’ She shook her head forcefully and bit down on her lip so hard she could taste blood. ‘I know what he did to you, what he’s been doing,’ she emphasised, ‘and if you don’t say something then I will. I will,’ she was crying now. She paused; the room was so quiet she could hear her tears drop into the lukewarm cup that was still clenched in her hand. ‘And if you don’t talk to me again because of this – well, well I guess that’s a risk I need to take. Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked out of the room, her heart thumping in her chest. Leah didn’t look back.

‘I’m so scared,’ Rachel whimpered, so quietly Tony thought he’d imagined it. ‘And ashamed,’ she continued as she struggled to turn around and face him.

‘Oh Rach,’ he wrapped his arms around her and gently helped her sit up she was leaning on her chest. ‘You have nothing to be ashamed off. Nothing. And you need to realise that. You’re so strong,’ he insisted as he ran his hands through her hair and kissed her head. ‘And we’re here for you. Leah,’ he paused and tenderly pulled her head up to face his, ‘she cares about you so much. She’s been frantic Rach. And so have I. It’s crazy I care about you so much when we’ve hardly been together but I do. Please Rach. I promise I’ll support you all the way. Leah too. You can’t let him do this to you anymore. Rach, last night,’ he paused as he felt beads of sweat forming on his brow. ‘I should have stopped him; I should have forced you to-’

‘Tony,’ she gazed at him forcefully. ‘You can’t ever blame yourself. Please,’ she sniffed and wiped away the tears with the back of hand, ignoring the pain that made every movement leaving her feeling like she’d just ran a marathon. ‘I can’t deal with that on top of everything else. You’ve helped me in more ways than you could ever imagine.’

‘Hey its okay, he soothed. ‘It’s all going to be okay.’ He kissed her gently on the lips before resting his chin on her head, his heart sinking.


He stood at the edge of the cliff, the wind rippling through his hair. He gazed out into the ocean, mesmerised by the vibrant colours reflecting off the sun. He never meant it to go this far. That had never been his intention. His mother always told him he had a temper. It was always getting him into trouble. She’d usually remind him by a quick smack around the head, or sometimes, if she’d started on the spirits, she’d whip him with a tea towel and would only be satisfied he’d leant his lesson when blood began to trickle down his body. Closing his eyes, he knelt by the rim and placed his hands on the ground, his fingers running through the dirt beneath him. None of the others had been like Rachel. Laura, Sarah, Jade, Emily – they’d never understood him – not like Rachel. Her strength never failed to amaze him. His heart stopped as he heard footsteps coming up behind him. Turning around, he gasped in amazement at the person standing before him.

‘I knew I’d find you here,’ they whispered. ‘And now you’re going to pay.’

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks again everyone, especially for your patience :lol: Your comments are very much apperciated and as always keep me going with this one. Hope you enjoy this one. :)

‘Get a grip woman,’ Leah muttered to herself as she stared into the mirror, her hands gripping the sink as she winced at the red puffy eyes that gazed back at her, eyes that were filled with confusion and pain. She’d been in the bathroom for over half an hour; it was the first place she’d come across since leaving Rachel, the only place where she felt she could hide. The shaking that had overcome her had only just stopped. The desperation to call Charlie was overwhelming – but she knew without Rachel’s admittance it was useless. Leah only hoped she’d said enough to force her to finally talk. But she knew there was the chance all she’d done was alienate her even more and made her feel sick to her stomach. Tony was her only hope. She nervously bit down on her nails as she slowly walked out of the toilets and back to Rachel’s room, the thud of her heart echoing all around her.


‘I tried to leave, I really did, but, but…he always managed to talk me around,’ Rachel whispered through her tears, her hands gripping Tony’s shirt as she chocked back sobs. ‘And he kept saying he’d changed, you know he’s had such a terrible childhood, I just wanted to help, I did love him….he said he couldn’t live without me….and when he started..,’ she paused, her mind whirling. She couldn’t believe what she was actually saying. It was like the words that were coming out of her mouth didn’t belong to her but rather a stranger that had invaded her body.

Tony gripped her tighter as he forced himself not to lose control and do something he’d regret. The urge to break something very nearly overcame him. He forced himself to concentrate on the woman who was crying in his arms, who was finally opening up to him; something he’d wanted for so long. But now it was almost too painful to hear the words that escaped her lips. ‘That’s not an excuse for anything Rach,’ he spoke quietly as he rubbed her back, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

‘I’m just so ashamed,’ she sobbed. ‘I’m a doctor, I’m supposed to be in control and be strong and..and..’ she paused as she struggled to get the words, her breathing getting faster as she struggled for breath.

‘Rachel.’ Tony inched closer to her on the bed and gently took her hands in his. He smiled sadly at her tear strained face and locked his eyes with her.

‘You’re the strongest women I know,’ he said. ‘And none of this is your fault. You must never think that. God Rach after everything you did for him.’ He momentarily closed his eyes and ignored the bubbles of fury that continued to ravage inside him.

‘You know he’s the weak one,’ he spoke tentatively as he caught her gaze again, scared that she’d suddenly retreat back to her shell of silence.

‘I know,’ she said, her voice barely audible. ‘Thank you,’ she smiled into his eyes and squeezed his hands. ‘I can’t believe you’re still here with me after how I’ve treated you,’ she shook her head. ‘Most men would have run a mile long before now.’

‘Stop it,’ he insisted. ‘Rachel I’m here for the long haul. Whatever it takes. I know what’s happened between us happened at the worst possible time but…I can’t help how I feel about you.’ He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. ‘I love you,’ he whispered, ‘before instantly regretting it. ‘Sorry,’ he stuttered, noticing the alarmed expression on her face. ‘Let’s just pretend I never said that, rewind,’ he joked. ‘It’s a bit too soon.’ Cursing himself inside he stood up quickly, desperate to hide his embarrassment. Things were already complicated enough.

‘Hey, come back here,’ she said bewildered. ‘I, I love you too,’ she smiled warmly. ‘And I don’t care how crazy it is but I do.’

Relief washed over him as he hugged her close, burying his head in her neck.

‘Oww,’ she whimpered.

‘Oh **** I’m so sorry,’ he instantly loosened his grip on her.

‘No, no it’s okay,’ she whispered. ‘Just..’ She stopped suddenly as the door opened and Leah crept in.

‘Hey,’ Leah spoke cautiously, terrified as to how Rachel would respond.

‘Hey you,’ Rachel smiled gratefully at her best friend. ‘Can you do something for me?’

‘Sure, anything Rach,’ she stood nervously, her hands stiff by her side.

‘Please, call Charlie?’


‘What are you doing here?’ he stuttered, his knees shaking. ‘How did you know I’d be here?’ He looked at her in shock, his heart beating widely.

‘I know you pretty well,’ she replied bitterly, ‘unfortunately for me.’ She walked slowly towards him, the leaves crunching beneath her feet as she squinted in the midday sun.

‘But, but, I don’t understand,’ he whispered. ‘We haven’t talked in a long time, not since,’ he became quiet and rubbed his hands on his knees. His palms left sweat marks on his trousers.

‘Not since you left me for dead,’ she stated matter of a fact. The fear in his voice empowered her. Emily gripped the kitchen knife firmly; desperately trying to stop her hands from shaking. He didn’t deserve her fear. As soon as Michael had ran out on her she knew there was only one thing left to do. Getting to Dr. Armstrong’s house only to find out she’d been taken away in an ambulance just hours earlier had only fuelled her desperation to do something. She just knew that he was behind it. And again he’d run away to wallow in his own pathetic self pity.

‘Emily,’ he looked up at her, his voice wobbling as he noticed the knife grasped in her hand. ‘Please, just put the knife down and we’ll talk.’

‘You’re not very clever, coming here of all places,’ she mused, ignoring him. ‘You must have known I’d find you here.’

‘I had no idea you were even living here,’ he cried out.

‘Well now you do. And I know everything. I know what you did to Rachel.’

‘What?’ The colour drained from his face. ‘How, how do you know Rachel?’ his voice shook as he struggled to remain calm.

‘She’s a doctor,’ Emily shrugged as if it was obvious. ‘It’s a small town; chances are you’re going to see her at some point. ‘I knew,’ she whispered. ‘As soon as I saw her on that first day. And I made a promise with myself there and then that I wouldn’t let you hurt another woman like you did me.’ She approached him and knelt in front of him, so close she could feel his rapid breath of her face. She shivered. Focus she told herself as she felt her grip on the knife loosen. The last time she’d been this close to him was a memory she’d spent years desperately trying to block out.

‘Emily,’ he placed his hands in front of him. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. And what happened to Rachel was an accident. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt her, things weren’t supposed to get that far. I didn’t ever want her to end up in hospital because of me.’

She laughed resentfully. ‘Just like you never meant to hurt me? All those times I ended up in hospital, making up excuses after excuses for you. But not anymore.’ She shook her head. ‘You’re pathetic,’ she spat, as she suddenly ran the knife along his palm, the blood trickling out before she realised what she’d done. ‘Oh,’ she gasped.

‘Emily, no, please,’ he shouted out as she backed away from her, aware that the edge of the cliff was only metres away. ‘I’m sorry,’ he sobbed. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He wept as he held his head in his hands, smearing blood all over his face. ‘Emily stop, please.’

She stood up and brushed her hands on her knees. ‘You’re not worth it,’ she looked down on him. ‘I have everything I need now.’ She turned around and practically ran to the car she’d parked only a few hundred metres away. She slipped her hands inside her jeans pocket, smiling as she felt the mini tape recorder snuggled in the fabric.

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  • 1 month later...

So sorry i've not updated this one for so long. I needed a little break from it; i think i ran out of steam :lol: But i decided to try and get it going again and this is what i ended up with. Thank you for all your lovely comments and also your patience :)

‘You’re not getting away from me that easily!’ Mark yelled as he stood up carefully, painfully aware that one misplaced step would send him hurtling over the edge. His voice sent chills through Emily. She stopped to catch her breath, cursing the illness that had stripped her of the energy she needed so badly at that very moment. Turning around was a mistake. The car was so close she could practically touch it if she stretched her fingers out. She knew she should have stayed focused and just jumped into the car. There was time. But then he’d have won. And she just couldn’t let that happen. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she could hear his heavy footsteps approaching. Emily did the only thing she thought she could. Reaching down she curled her trembling hands around a rock and spun around, her heart thumping in her chest. She didn’t feel any remorse as she brought it down hard on his head, using every ounce of energy she could muster. The look of surprise on his face stayed with her as she drove to the police station; reliving the moment his body crumbled and he fell to the ground. Going to jail didn’t scare her. She was dying anyways.


‘You’ve done great Rachel.’ Charlie reassured, gently patting her hand. ‘I know this must have been incredibly hard for you. I can promise you I’ll do everything in my power to punish him. Rachel just nodded and gazed down at her hands. ‘Thanks,’ she chocked. Although she was relieved to have everything out in the open; she couldn’t help but feel humiliated at just how far she’d allowed things to go. And having to tell someone she considered a close friend that she’d allowed her boyfriend to beat her, well it made her ashamed. Rachel closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip, trying to control the physical pain that consumed her every time she moved a muscle. Rachel sighed heavily. No matter how many times people told her none of it was her fault she was having difficulty convincing herself. The ironic thing was, she would be the first person to lecture someone else in the same situation that they were the victim.

‘So what happens now?’ Tony asked Charlie intently. He was sitting on the bed next to Rachel, gently holding her hand in his lap.

‘Well we’ll have a restraining order taken out against him; meaning he can’t come within 500 yards of Rachel. He’ll be ordered to leave the house and is prohibited from having any kind of contact with her. If he does he’ll be arrested and could face jail.’

‘You mean he’s going to be free to do whatever the hell he wants?’ Tony replied angrily. ‘It’s beyond a joke!’ He cried out and stood up, shaking his head furiously. ‘Useless,’ he muttered under his breath.

‘Tony,’ Charlie sighed, choosing to ignore his last remark. She knew how much Rachel meant to him. ‘It frustrates me too but I don’t make up the rules,’ she stated carefully. ‘Right now this is the best we can do. You do want to press charges don’t you?’ Charlie turned her attention to Rachel.

‘Yes,’ Rachel replied firmly. ‘Yes I do.’ She smiled nervously at Tony.

‘Good.’ Charlie smiled with relief, jumping as her phone buzzed. ‘I gotta take this sorry,’ she quickly left the room, thankful for the interruption. Taking that statement from someone so close to her had be the hardest thing she’d ever have to do. Charlie was amazed she’d managed to stay professional.

‘Hello,’ she whispered as she quickly made her way down the corridor, wary of being told off for using her phone in the hospital.

‘Charlie you need to get to the station quick,’ Angelo urgently told her. ‘You’re not going to believe this.’

‘What’s happened? Tell me,’ Charlie demanded. ‘A girl called Emily is here; she has something I think you should –’

‘You can’t use that in here,’ a nurse suddenly appeared in front of her, her stern warning muffling Angelo’s voice. ‘You should know better,’ she accused, staring Charlie up and down.

‘Sorry,’ she muttered, suddenly wishing she wasn’t in uniform. Sighing she switched it off and practically ran to the exit, desperate to know what Angelo was hiding.


‘Hey, it’s going to be okay now,’ Rachel smiled bravely at him as he paced by the end of the bed. ‘Come back,’ she insisted. ‘You’re going to give yourself a heart attack,’ she joked.

‘Sorry,’ he sat down next to her and held both her hands. ‘I’m just so –‘

‘I know, I know,’ she insisted, cutting him off quickly. She didn’t want to hear it. ‘I think I’m going to stay with Leah for a while,’ she said slowly. ‘I just can’t bear to go back to the house. Kind of a fresh start. I think it’s what I need, No complications.’

‘That’s a good idea,’ he replied, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

‘You don’t exactly sound thrilled,’ she gazed at him in concern. ‘You don’t think I should live with Leah?’

‘No, no that’s not what I’m saying,’ he smiled reassuringly. ‘I think it’s great Rach. Although I was kinda hoping you’d move in with me?’ He looked at her shyly.

‘Oh Tony,’ Rachel breathed in shock. ‘I wasn’t expecting that at all. I mean it’s so quick. And right now I just don’t think it’s the right time.’ She winced as she studied his face. He looked crushed. ‘I’m sorry,’ she squeezed his hands gently. ‘I do love you and I want to be with you, I do more than anything. But right now I can’t jump into anything so serious. I just need time to figure things out for myself.’

‘Right,’ he whispered, refusing to look her in the eye. ‘I guess it’s a little soon.’ He shrugged indifferently.

‘Tony don’t be like that,’ she begged as tears sprung to her eyes. ‘I’m not saying I’ll never live with you in the future but we haven’t even been on a proper date yet! I know you want to take care of me and I’ll still let you. I need you to get through this,’ she said as she brought his chin up to face her, forcing him to make eye contact.

Shame suddenly flooded through him. How could you be so selfish he thought to himself angrily. Tony shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, I’m an idiot.’ He pulled her close. ‘I just want to be with you every second of every day,’ he admitted, a hint of embarrassment in his voice. He realised he must have sounded a bit pathetic. Rachel smiled inwardly and lightly ran her fingers along his chest. ‘I know,’ she grinned up at him. Just hearing those words made her more determined than ever to put Mark behind her. She didn’t want to loose Tony. ‘I’m sure Leah will let us have little sleepovers,’ she winked up at him.

‘She’d better,’ Tony laughed and kissed her on the mouth, gripping her tighter.

‘As soon as I can move without pain shooting through my body,’ she screwed up her face and gasped.

‘Oh God sorry,’ Tony let go of her and sat back.

‘Hey it’s okay,’ she reached out and pulled him back to her. ‘I’ll live,’ she forced herself to smile though the pain.


‘Hey, everything okay?’ Dan asked in concern as Leah wearily wandered into the kitchen. ‘Sorry, stupid question,’ he admitted as he saw the look on her face.

‘Rach is okay,’ Leah attempted to smile, aware she was failing miserably. ‘Tony is with her now and Charlie, so that’s good, really good,’ Leah sighed and closed her eyes, gently leaning against her husband. ‘I’m sorry for being such a cow,’ she mumbled into his chest.

‘Hey it’s okay,’ he rubbed her back.

‘No it’s not,’ Leah sniffed. Seeing what Rachel had gone through made her realise how lucky she was to have someone like Dan.

‘Shh,’ he whispered into her hair before kissing her gently. If only she knew the truth.

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  • 3 months later...

I thought i'd better update this as it's been so long. Apologies to everyone. I got a little lost with it. I decided to write a little something just to start it up again before the concluding chapters. Sorry it's all Tony/Rachel mush pretty much, i promise i'll pick it up seriously next chapter :) And things will be explained properly. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting, it means so much :)

He’d pleaded guilty. Rachel’s statement doubled with Emily’s tape recording left him little choice. But hearing his confession still shocked Rachel. She didn’t feel the relief she expected; just an empty hollow feeling the pit of her stomach that stayed with her for many days. Linking Tony’s hand with hers she’d sat at the back of the court room, hoping wearing head to toe black would stop her from standing out. Thankfully she didn’t have to give evidence given his plea. Rachel wasn’t sure how she would have handled that. Emily had been there too although she’d kept herself hidden and disappeared as soon as the judge had delivered the closing statement. The events of the past 6 months still amazed Rachel. She was still in hospital when Charlie had called to say Mark had been found, bleeding and concussed on the cliffs at the northern end of town and they had enough evidence to arrest him for multiple accounts of domestic violence. Even now she struggled to stop herself going over and over things. Sighing Rachel flipped through the hangers in the wardrobe and rolled her eyes. Nothing looked right.

‘Can’t find an outfit?’ Leah asked as she wandered into the spare room Rachel had been staying in ever since leaving the hospital.

‘Something like that,’ she shrugged aimlessly and sat down on the bed. ‘I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel,’ she admitted. ‘Like all this stuff with Emily,’ she whispered. ‘I owe her so much Leah. What she did,’ Rachel shook her head in disbelief. ‘She’s dying.’ Rachel sobbed quietly. ‘And there’s nothing I can do about it.’

‘I know it must be hard,’ Leah placed her hand on Rachel’s shoulder. ‘But Rach you have to try and move on with your life. You can’t blame yourself for what’s happening to Emily.’

‘I know,’ Rachel smiled sadly and wiped away her tears on the sleeve of her top.

‘You’ve been an amazing friend to her these past months, ‘Leah rubbed her back gently. ‘But it’s time to start thinking of yourself now. And starting with your date tonight,’ Leah grinned at her, forcing Rachel to smile back. ‘Come on let’s find you something so gorgeous Tony will be unable to resist you.’

‘Great,’ Rachel smiled as a genuine feeling of happiness overcame her. She couldn’t deny she was excited about tonight. Since leaving the hospital things between her and Tony had cooled right down, mainly due to her insistence. She didn’t want to rush things. Things between them had been so intense it felt nice that the pressure was finally off; they didn’t have to hide anymore. But Rachel had been determined to start afresh and despite their obvious love for each other she treated it as if they’d only just started dating. It made sense to her, although she knew Tony found it difficult sometimes. So much was going on, what with Mark’s shock confession and Emily’s involvement that Rachel had felt completely overwhelmed. Charlie used a self-defence plea to get Emily off without charge, something which Mark didn’t dispute. And as Charlie had admitted no one wanted to send a dying woman to jail.

‘What about this?’ Leah held up a short, silky black dress. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen you wear it,’ she mused. ‘It’s very sexy,’ she winked at Rachel. ‘Tony will be ripping it off you in seconds,’ she laughed.

‘Leah!’ Rachel blushed. She couldn’t admit that her and Tony hadn’t had sex since she’d moved in. It had been difficult but Rachel was determined not to screw things up with him. He’d been amazingly patient with her.

‘He’s a good guy Rach,’ Leah squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. ‘And you deserve it.’

‘Thanks,’ Rachel smiled and enveloped her friend in a hug. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ she whispered.

‘You’re a fighter,’ Leah shrugged as she looked up. ‘Don’t even forget that.’


‘That was amazing,’ Rachel breathed as she followed Tony out of the restaurant.

‘I don’t think I’ve seen a woman eat so much,’ Tony joked as he slipped his arm around Rachel’s waist and pulled her into him.

‘Hey,’ she punched his should playfully. ‘You’re going to regret saying that later,’ she teased.

‘Oh really?’ Tony turned to face her. Smiling, he gently brushed her hair from face and kissed her nose. ‘Well in that case I take it back,’ he laughed. ‘But I do love a women who can eat,’ he winked. ‘And you look amazingly beautiful tonight. And sexy,’ he gazed at her hopefully.

‘Okay I forgive you,’ Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. ‘Want to walk along the beach?’ she suggested impulsively. ‘It’s so beautiful out.’ After stuffing their shoes into her bag she grabbed his hand and pulled him down to the shore.

‘Whoa Rach,’ Tony laughed. She stopped at the edge, giggling at the cool water covered her feet.

‘It’s a little cold,’ she looked at Tony and beamed. ‘Come here,’ she demanded, pulling his hand. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. ‘What’s got into you tonight?’ He kissed her head and rubbed his hand along her stomach.

‘I’m just,’ Rachel paused. ‘Happy.’ She tilted her head back and looked up towards him. ‘Really happy. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this. I can breathe easily, I don’t think about him or it anymore.’ Her smile widened. Tony remained silent. He didn’t have to speak. Rachel saw all she needed to hear in his face. He bent his head towards her and kissed her. ‘You fancy a sleepover?’ She smiled seductively as she untangled herself from his arms and started walking up the beach.

‘I would love to.’ Tony grabbed her hand and fell into step with her.

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  • 4 weeks later...

This is the final chapter :) A big thank you to everyone who has commented on this and supported me, it means so much. I loved this in the beginning but i guess towards the end i kinda of lost my mojo for it, i only hope that's not reflected too much in the writing. Thank you so much to everyone, you all rock :D

It was an unusually cold day, despite the bright blue sky. Rachel shivered and pulled her pale grey scarf tightly around her. Beside her Tony squeezed her hand and rubbed his thumb in small circles over her skin. ‘You okay?’ He turned to face her. She nodded, smiling faintly. They walked together into the building, not talking but with their bodies pressed close together. They took seats near the front, surrounding by people whose faces meant nothing to them.

‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she whispered, looking around nervously as if she expected someone to suddenly condemn her for talking in the church. The silence was deafening.

‘Where else would I be?’ He grinned and kissed her nose softly.

‘Thanks,’ she smiled warmly at her boyfriend before turning to face the front, not letting go of his hand. Rachel closed her eyes as the organ music started to play, desperately wishing she could control the tears that she knew were going to consume her before long. The church was packed. Emily had forbidden anyone from wearing black and had insisted everyone wear bright colours. Only a few weeks before Emily had told Rachel over chocolate brownies that she had to ‘wear the funkiest, brightest dress she could find,’ but Rachel couldn’t bring herself to do that. It just didn’t feel right. She hoped the red wrap dress met her approval. Tony gently pulled her up as the coffin made its way to the front. Rachel blinked hard and took a deep breath, forcing herself to look. And then she couldn’t help but laugh. The coffin had been spray painted purple; her name written in silver glitter across the top. It was typical Emily. Suddenly the organ stopped, and ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay filled the room. ‘Oh Emily,’ Rachel whispered to herself. And then she smiled, knowing it was what she would have wanted.


(1 week earlier)

‘Emily’s gone,’ Rachel gasped and stumbled back, her body crumbling as Tony caught her. Everything went black and she suddenly felt like she was suffocating. The call had come in the middle of the night as she lay asleep in Tony’s arms. ‘I wasn’t there,’ she mumbled, ‘Tony I should have been with her,’ she cried and dug her nails into his chest.

‘Oh sweetheart,’ he whispered as he soothingly rubbed her back. ‘I’m so sorry, shh,’ he pulled her onto the couch and held her as she sobbed, her body shaking in his arms. He knew it was imminent but he had been dreading the moment Emily finally passed. Over the past few months Rachel had been spending so much time with her it had concerned him. He knew how hard she was going to find her death, as much as she was prepared for it. ‘It’s not your fault darling. Michael was with her,’ he reminded her gently. Don’t do this to yourself,’ he begged, pulling her face up towards his and kissing her forehead. Rachel didn’t’ talk. There was nothing to say. Instead she allowed herself to be comforted by Tony, pulling him as close to her as possible. They sat like that way into the night; Tony determined to stay awake until Rachel cried herself to sleep. As much as he hated himself for thinking it, part of him was relieved Emily had finally lost her battle with cancer. Now he felt things could really start to heal for Rachel and they could move on without the constant reminders. As long as Rachel had Emily, she had Mark as well. And that was what he had despised the most.


‘She would have loved it,’ Rachel smiled at Michael as they sat by the beach, classes of champagne in their hands.

‘Yeah mate,’ Tony agreed. ‘It was a beautiful ceremony. She would have been proud.’

‘This was all her doing.’ Michael gazed out towards the ocean. ‘She wanted to plan it all herself. I thought it was morbid, we fought over it,’ he closed his eyes at the memory, remembering the look of anguish on her face when he told her she shouldn’t be planning her own funeral. He sighed and sipped the bubbly drink. ‘This she would have loved the most,’ he laughed, although it didn’t quite meet his eyes. ‘One class of champers and Em was a mess.’ He knew he would never forget the night the police called to say Emily was in custody for attempted murder. It has been so surreal. Walking into the station, looking into her eyes, he felt like he was in a movie and he was completely detached from what was going on. He had no recollection of what had happened in the hours or even days after. Such was his shock at what Emily had done he’d completely wiped it from his brain. But the one thing he’d never forget was the look she’d given him when he’d first gazed upon her, sitting in the holding cell. She’d looked so peaceful, so calm. After her release Rachel quickly became a big part of their lives. Or rather Emily’s. He understood to a point but it worried him how much Emily relied on Rachel. But it made her happy and he couldn’t deny her that. Not when she was dying. In the end they didn’t get married. Instead they spent the money on a trip to Thailand. They danced on beaches, drank cocktails, took boat trips to secluded islands and wandered the streets of Bangkok, marvelling at the delights. He sighed and rubbed his hands in the sand. There’d been so much left unsaid. He didn’t want to spend the last months he had with her fighting. So he pushed everything to the back of his mind and just enjoyed Emily. The past didn’t matter anymore, at least not to him. It wasn’t going to change anything. Maybe keeping things locked inside wasn’t a good idea but right now he didn’t care. He had his whole life to deal with things. Right now he had to learn how to live without Emily. And that was going to take all his energy.


‘Leah we need to talk.’ Dan gazed up at her from the kitchen table, his fists clenched together. Leah nodded and pulled up a seat next to him.

‘I’m sorry.’ Leah sighed and looked up at the ceiling, her eyes closed. ‘I’ve been so selfish.’

‘You’re sorry?’ Dan asked in surprise. ‘You don’t have anything to be sorry for. He held his head in his hands and sighed heavily. ‘I’m the one who needs to apologise. I know I’ve been a bit of a jerk.’

‘No.’ Leah shook her head vehemently. ‘Dan, I, I’ve been so awful to you these past months. After everything that Rachel’s been through I feel pathetic for complaining that we can’t go on some fancy holiday.’ She hung her head and laughed sarcastically.

‘Leah.’ Dan took her hand and squeezed it gently. ‘There is something I need to tell you.’ He took a big breath. ‘Things haven’t been going so great at work.’ He spoke quietly, as if he was afraid it would be more real if he said it loud enough. ‘I didn’t want to worry you so I’ve been doing some odd jobs here and there, a few bar shifts, gardening and things. I thought things would pick up but.’ He stopped talking as embarrassment flushed across his face.

‘Oh Dan.’ Leah inched closer to him. ‘Why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t think I’d understand?’ She tried to keep the anger out of her voice. ‘We’re married Dan.’

‘I know.’ Dan shrugged his shoulders. ‘I just didn’t want to make you think I was a useless husband.’

‘I’d never think that.’ Leah sighed and placed her head on his shoulder. ‘We’ll get through this,’ she reassured. ‘We have too.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Dan whispered. He closed his eyes and sighed with relief. There was nothing else to say.


‘So what is the big celebration?’ Kirsty sat down on the couch and placed her hand on her bump. ‘You’re not pregnant are you?’

‘God help you mate if she is,’ Miles joked as he joined Kirsty on the couch. ‘Living with a pregnant woman is no picnic. Oww,’ Miles winced as Kirsty punched his arm, scowling as she did so.

She looked up at Rachel, who was sitting on Tony’s lap on one of the kitchen chairs. ‘No,’ she laughed and quickly looked at Tony. ‘Look at your face,’ she giggled and kissed him softly. ‘I’m not pregnant, no.’ Rachel spread her hands out and beamed at the small crowd gathered in what was now her and Tony’s living room. ‘Tony and I are engaged.’

‘Oh my God!’ Leah squealed with excitement, running over to Rachel and flinging her arms around her neck. ‘I’m so happy for you,’ she whispered, smiling broadly. She quickly kissed Tony’s check.

‘Thank you,’ Rachel beamed around the room at her friends. For the first time in years she felt truly content. And she knew it would last. She owed it to Emily and she knew she couldn’t let her down.


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