Stockholm Syndrome

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 11

Belle sighed and shifted uncomfortably in the double bed which seemed to be the size of a large continent with only her petite body curled up in the middle of it.

She changed position once more but the irritating niggling in her lower back remained. She lifted her small frame off the mattress and slid an arm in the gap she had created. She twisted her hand behind her in order to retrieve the object causing her discomfort. She pulled the faded leather wallet from its hiding place, tucked secretly inside the many folds of the bed clothes

The silver catch unfastened, it flopped open in her hand and she was surprised to find herself staring into her own eyes. She ran a fingertip gently over the outline of her broad smile and sighed to herself once more.

It was the photo Aden had taken of her the day he’d been teasing her and stealing her camera on the beach. From a professional point of view it wasn’t perfect. The focus was off and the composition was nothing short of terrible but in that moment it was the most beautiful photograph she could ever imagine.

She barely recognised the girl grinning at the anonymous face behind the camera, her eyes sparkling in amusement, her smile genuine and coy.

It had been so long since the simplicity and ease radiating from the photograph’s subject had surrounded her that she found it almost difficult to recall her emotions of that day. She wished life could be that simple again.

As simple as it had been to let herself fall little by little with every word, every laugh, every stolen photograph.

If only things could have remained the same as the precious moment captured for eternity in the glossy print she clutched before her.

If only life hadn’t interfered.

“If I took a photo of you it would be about the person”

His words echoed in her mind, in her heart as she heard him toss and turn again on the uncomfortable sofa.

Sighing the stark realisation hit her that he must carry her photo with him every day. She didn’t know how long he had been carrying it. She couldn’t remember when it had disappeared from the collage adorning the wall above her cluttered desk.

A sharp shot of pain surged through her shivering body as she confessed to herself that she had never even noticed it missing. Only right in that moment, as she grasped it in her hand through the worn leather of his wallet did the shot mean more to her than any other ever taken with her camera.

She slowly closed the almost empty wallet and pulled his driver’s license from the small slit in the back. She giggled quietly to herself as a young Aden stared back at her. Tough and angry. But she knew that even back then that was never who he really was.

Slipping the license back into place she sat the wallet on the bedside table and pulled the quilt up around her neck.

Again she heard him shift and sigh beyond the closed bedroom door and a pang of guilt occupied her being as she thought of how cold he must be. Despite his protests earlier even he could not deny

how cold the evening had become.

She turned her cold body away from the door in an attempt to distract her and remove him from her thoughts.

She focused on the crimson red letters of the digital clock signalling the slow passage of time.

01.22

It had only been two hours since they had said goodnight but she felt as though she had been unsuccessfully attempting to coax her cold frame into a gentle sleep for days on end.

Finally unable to bear it any longer she pulled her body off the box frame of the bed and crossed the room before allowing the door to creak open slowly.

Her delicate footsteps padded along the hall as she headed towards the lounge where she found him, half hanging over the edge of the sofa with the thin sheet he had taken for himself, barely covering

his body.

“Aden this is stupid” she sighed.

“What?” he raised his head to look at her, still wide awake.

“Just come and get in bed” she offered.

“I told you I’m fine. I can’t sleep in there Belle”

“I didn’t mean in there, I meant with me. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before is it?” she shrugged her shoulders trying to downplay any significance he may read into her offer.

“Things were a little bit different then though weren’t they? I’ll be ok, seriously go back to sleep”

“I haven’t been to sleep. How am I supposed to sleep when you’re out her clearly freezing and sleeping on a sofa that isn’t even long enough for you to lie down on?”

“I’m fi-“

“Aden! Just get in bed and then we can both get some sleep”

“Are you sure?” he looked at her hesitantly.

“Yes. Just make sure there’s no funny business. No wandering hands... or wandering anything else for that matter” she told him turning and beginning to head back to the bedroom.

“Belle, it’s so cold I can’t even feel my hands” he assured her.

“Yeah well make sure I don’t either!”

He laughed as he followed her to the bedroom and they each occupied one side of the bed, neither daring to allow even a fraction of their body to stray into the other’s territory.

They fidgeted uncomfortably for several minutes, feeling awkward and uncertain of how this should work.

Eventually they settled into a calm lull and side by side they lay in silence punctuated only by the gently rise and fall of their breathing, each comforted by the extra warmth created by the other’s

presence.

Cautiously, so not to alert him to her actions, she wrapped her arms tightly around her body, unsure whether she was just cold or trying to stop herself from winding her body around his broad frame.

As time ticked by their heavy eyelids finally closed and they each drifted into semi consciousnes

Mere seconds from deep sleep he felt her stir. An arm looped around his waist before he felt a clammy palm creep across his bare chest.

“Nu –uh” he shook his head without opening his eyes.

“Now who’s not playing by the rules?” he mumbled, still half asleep.

A small, breathy moan escaped her exhausted body.

“I’m cold” she whimpered as he lifted her palm with his own and pushed it back towards her on the other side of the bed.

“Practice what you preach Belle. Practice what you preach”

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 12

“Please can I stop now?” he looked up at her from the textbook and made puppy dogs eyes in her direction.

She hastily looked away, knowing she would not be able resist if he kept looking at her like that.

“No, we said until 5” she insisted.

“It’s ten to 5 now!” he protested as she pushed his head playfully back towards the text book.

“Then it’ll be over soon won’t it?” she teased as the shrill ring of her mobile pierced the air.

She glanced down at the illuminated display as a private number flashed before her.

“I should take this” she told him, quickly making her way out of the room.

“And you...study!” she ordered as she reached the doorway.

“Give Angelo my love!” he called out to her sarcastically but obeyed her command and buried his head back in the economics text book which lay on the table before him.

Having failed to turn up for his original HSC exams, amid all the chaos in his life at the time, the retakes in a few weeks really were his last chance of success and, despite his complaints after a long day

of study, he really didn’t want to mess things up again.

Not that Belle would ever let him. She was like a mini dictator when it came to his study time table. They’d only been locked up together for 5 days and already he was feeling the need to beg for mercy.

Belle closed the bedroom door to and hit the accept button as she raised the phone to her right ear.

She lowered her voice to a whisper as she identified the caller and listened to what they had to say.

This was the call she had been waiting for for weeks and yet now it was here it did nothing but fill her entire being with dread.

She couldn’t do this now.

“Thank you” she genuinely told the caller when they had finally finished the spiel about what their more than generous offer entailed.

She crept forward silently and pulled the door towards her just a tiny fraction creating a minute gap through which she could view the kitchen.

“Thank you. It really is a great offer and I would love to take it” she paused and glimpsed at him through the tiny slit between the door and its wooden frame.

Her stomach lurched as she watched him intently, concentration etched in his face as he clearly struggled to grasp whatever was on the page before him.

“I’d love to take it. I really would. But right now it’s not a good time for me”

The caller’s protests and feeble attempts to convince her otherwise fluttered through one ear and straight out of the other as her eyes remained focused on him.

“I know this is a fantastic position and I understand that I won’t find another one like it anytime soon but I would have to move away and my life’s kind of complicated right now. There are

things...people... I can’t...I don’t want to... leave”

She ended the call as the caller finally accepted her rejection. She couldn’t quite believe that she had just turned down the job of her dreams. She pinched herself on the arm to make sure she was

awake. She gasped at her own force and instantly knew it was all real.

Taking a deep breath she pushed the conversation to the deep depths of her mind and made her way back into the kitchen.

“Angelo says he loves you too” she teased as she stopped behind him and placed both hands flat on his shoulders.

He tilted his head back and looked up at her.

“Why didn’t he just say so before? We could have stopped all this pretence about fighting over you months ago!”

“Ha. Ha.” She muttered, playfully knocking his head back down.

“It’s gone 5 you can stop now” she almost ordered as his attention drifted back to studying.

“Nah I think I’ll just carry on, I’ve got a few hours left in me yet” a small smirk crossed his lips but Belle was unable to catch sight of it from her standing position behind him.

“No! You can’t, who’s going to entertain me exactly?”

“Well clearly not Angelo, he’s mine now!”

“Very funny!” She slapped him a little too forcefully around the head and he instantly raised a hand to the point of contact.

He rubbed the back of his head vigorously, exaggerating the extent of his pain for effect.

“Ok, I’m stopping! But you better have something good planned for tonight because conversation with you is quite frankly getting a little boring!”

“Don’t lie, you came up with more baby names than I did last night, you loved it!” she nudged him, referring to the hours they had spent looking through “You Called Me What?”, the book of baby names

which Irene had bought for her after hearing Angelo’s terrible suggestions. They had giggled at the humorous suggestions and squealed in horror at the downright dreadful but in the midst of it all they

had at least discovered some genuine contenders.

“Anything to stop the poor kid being saddled with the name Angelo” he laughed as he stood up from the table.

“I told you that is not going to happen, it’s definitely a girl. I can feel it”

She ran a hand gently across her stomach. Still as flat as ever no one would know just by looking at her that she was nurturing a new life inside her. As scary as pregnancy was she was beginning to feel as though she was missing out on a vital part of it. She didn’t want to be one of those women with a neat little bump, she wanted to be big and blooming and more than anything to have an excuse to eat as much Ben & Jerry’s ice cream as she liked.

“Angela then?” Aden teased, tickling her gently.

“Stop it!” she giggled.

“And oh no I didn’t even think of that!”

“Don’t worry, Angelo’s nowhere near smart enough to think of that”

“I sure hope not” she laughed.

“I am not naming my baby after him, not when I could call her Isabelle or Evie or Hope” she pondered.

“Brooke still gets my vote”

“Hmmm” she wrinkled her nose still not quite sure of his suggestion.

“But we are not spending the entire evening discussing baby names again, so any ideas oh wise one?”

“Wise one?”

“Well you actually have a High School Certificate, so that puts you one up on me”

“Well...hmmm...” she struggled for anything to suggest.

“We could play another board game?”

“What so you can make me shave my head this time? I don’t think so. If we’re going to play a game then it has to be one I actually have a chance of winning!”

“Like what?”

“Like Truth or Dare” he grinned wickedly.

“Aden, no one wins in Truth or Dare”

“That’s what you think” he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“So are you in, or are you just too chicken Taylor?” he challenged devilishly.

“I’m not chicken!” she protested.

“But if you dare me to do anything that involves taking my clothes off you won’t get out of here without the assistance of a body bag!”

“Ok, no nudie runs. I promise!” he chuckled.

“And I get to go first!” she grinned.

“So Mr Jeffries truth or dare?”

He pretended to ponder his options before finally settling on an answer.

“Truth” he told her, almost as if he was challenging her to ask him something outrageous.

She knew exactly what she wanted to ask. Something she had been wondering about a lot since she’d seen them grow closer recently. Something that it hurt her to even imagine.

“Have you ever slept with Nicole?”

He shifted slightly and she wasn’t sure asking him had been such a good idea.

Slowly he moved towards her until mere centimetres separated them.

“Have you ever slept with Geoff?”

“Eugh!” she cried out in horror at the image that had suddenly popped up in her mind.

“God no! It would be like sleeping with my brother!”

“Exactly!” he announced almost triumphantly.

“Not that I’m calling Nicole masculine at all, nor have I ever slept with any of my brothers so I really don’t have anything to base that assumption on” he rambled.

“Aden, shut up!” she laughed as he dug himself deeper and deeper into a hole.

“Good idea! It’s my turn anyway so what will it be, truth or dare?”

“Truth” she tactically chose, hoping it was the safest option.

He deliberated for a few minutes, leaving her in suspense before finally settling on a question.

“Out of all the guys you’ve...you know been with, who was the best?”

“All the guys I’ve been with?!” She exclaimed incredulously.

“Aden is it your mission in life to single handedly make me feel like a skank?”

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

“No course not!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not answering that anyway, you could never have expected that I would!”

“Oh come on! If I’d have said that I’d slept with Nicole this would so have been your next question!”

“Would not!”

“Would have!”

“I don’t care what you think, I am not answering that question. I’ve changed my mind I choose dare instead”

“Ok, if you insist” he gave in moving towards the kitchen counter and picking up her phone.

He dangled it in front of her as though trying to hypnotise her.

“I dare you to call Angelo and tell him exactly where you are right now”

“Aden!”

“I’m serious” he persisted.

“You know I’m not going to do that”

“Well, its call Angelo or tell me who’s best in bed. It’s up to you Belle” he teased.

“Aden! Look just pick another dare. “

“No” he shook his head defiantly.

“If I call Angelo now then that’s it you do realise that don’t you? He’ll rush round here, take me back with him and that’ll be that”

“And you’d go?” he looked at her expectantly.

“Just choose another dare” she dodged his question.

“There must be something humiliating you want to see me do more than you want me to call Angelo”

“Not humiliating no” he told her tenderly.

“Then what?”

“Ok, if you want a new dare then...then I dare you to kiss me. To kiss me and to not pull away half way through, to not regret it afterwards. I dare you to kiss me and mean it”

Silence and tension intermingled in the warm air hovering between their bodies as he looked warmly into her eyes.

She felt her heart begin to pound against the wall of her chest and her stomach fluttered as though a thousand butterflies had suddenly taken flight inside of her.

She tore her eyes away from his and lowered their focus to the floor.

“Belle...”

“Aden, this was a stupid idea. But you were right, you can win at truth or dare. And I lost”

“No, I think I did” he mumbled to himself as she walked out of the room and away from him.

***

“Oh come on! Don’t be such a Scrooge!” she called out as she struggled to assemble the artificial Christmas tree she had discovered in the basement. She took it apart for the third time and looked

perplexed at the different pieces of fake foliage before her.

“We’re not even planning on being here for Christmas!”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t get in the festive spirit a little!”

“I’ve never really done Christmas, it wasn’t a big thing around here”

“So I can see, when were these decorations last used? Around the same time Jesus was born in a stable?” she laughed as she brushed a thick layer of dust from what she assumed was the base of the

tree.

“A long time ago” he replied finally getting up off the sofa and coming to her aid. He took the piece she was clutching from her hand and began to slot the tree together with ease.

“My Mum died on Christmas Eve” he explained as he stood the tree upright. And began to string fairy lights around it.

“My dad tore down the tree...this tree... and everything else. And I mean literally tore them down, in one great big ball of rage. They’ve never been up since. Not in 13 years”

“Oh God Aden, I didn’t know. Look we can just put everything back in the boxes and back in the basement. God I’m so insensitive!”

“Belle!” he put his hand over hers to stop her sudden flurry of activity as she hurried to pack away the decorations she had scattered all over the floor.

“It’s fine. It’s not like I can avoid Christmas for the rest of my life. And besides Nicole keeps sending me texts about the schedule she’s arranged for Christmas day and how Roman’s already made 6

different flavours of Christmas pudding and a zillion mince pies. So if I’m going back there for Christmas maybe a tiny bit of festive spirit would stop me from murdering Nicole!”

“Kill her anyway, give us all a happy Christmas!”

“Belle!” he actually looked shocked.

“I’m kidding, obviously I’m kidding!”

“I should hope so!” he hit her playfully over the head with a piece of bright red tinsel before draping it around her shoulders like a feather boa.

“What was she like?” Belle questioned.

“Your Mum?”

“I don’t remember her all that much, I was only 5 when she died but she used to wear perfume that smelt like vanilla ice cream, I can still smell it now if I try hard enough.”

He paused as though trying to capture the scent.

She had a smile that was so bright it could light up the darkest of rooms and when she laughed it was this little, playful giggle. Sort of child like you know?”

He smiled as he remembered her.

“Most of all I remember that she made my Dad so happy. She was his entire world and when she died nothing was ever the same again. He was never the same again”

“Do you think she knew?” Belle asked hesitantly.

“Knew what?”

“About what you Granddad did to Larry?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged “I hope so. I hope she..”

“You hope she what?”

“I hope she helped him deal with it...like you helped me” he confessed.

“Aden, I don’t really think I helped you all that much” she told him as they began to hang decorations on the tree.

“You ended up trying to kill your Dad!”

“True but if it hadn’t have been for you, being there that day and then in the court room that sentence would so have been “You killed your Dad and went to prison for it!”

He pushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead.

“Seriously. Thank you”

“You don’t have to thank me” she told him as he reached into a drawer in the nearby bureau and pulled out a photograph. He gazed at it for a few moments before handing it to Belle.

“Oh my...she was beautiful” Belle told him honestly as she absorbed every detail of the stunning brunette woman staring back at her.

“What was her name?”

“Emma”

“You look so much like her”

“You think?” he questioned, no one ever having made the comparison before.

“Definitely. Obviously your colouring’s different but her features and those bright blue eyes...”

They sat side by side staring at the photo until Belle finally spoke.

“How did she die?”

“Cancer. But it was quick. A matter of weeks. I’m just glad she didn’t suffer for years”

She let her hand find his and squeezed it tightly.

They sat holding hands, in silence for what felt like forever.

“Yep, this easily could be you in drag!” she lightened the mood and he laughed with her as they got back to work on the tree.

Eventually it took shape and stood majestic in the middle of the room.

Belle stretched out her arm in an attempt to place the fairy on top of the tree but she was nowhere near tall enough to reach.

She jumped lamely, flinging her arms around as she did so.

Aden chuckled behind her.

“Seriously, you’re going to knock the whole thing over. Let me do it!”

“No, I always put the fairy on top of the tree. And Annie will definitely have stolen that privilege at Irene’s this year so I am putting this fairy on top of this tree!”

She tried to reach again only to feel his strong arms encircle her tiny waist and sweep her feet off the floor. He effortlessly raised her body to the correct level, finding her so light and delicate that he

struggled to believe she pregnant at that moment.

She dropped the fairy delicately into place and he lowered her to the ground. Only he didn’t remove his hands from her waist. Instead pulled her back into his chest and stepped them both away from

the tree enabling them to view it in its entirety.

“Looks pretty good” she felt his head nod against the back of her own.

“Hmmm” she turned her head sideways and inspected it from a different angle.

“The fairy’s wonky” she concluded.

“Well I’m not picking you up again fatso!”

“Oiy!” she struggled out of his arms and began to hit his chest repeatedly in a playful manner.

“I’m not fat! I’m not even pregnant looking!” she exclaimed as she continued to hit him and he backed away until he was leant against the door frame.

“True” he told her, lifting up her t-shirt and examining her toned stomach.

“Are you sure you’re pregnant? Or is this just a cry for attention?”

“Get off!” she laughed pushing his hand away and trying to lower her t-shirt at the same time.

Their laughter eventually subsided and she noticed his gaze wander above them. She allowed her own to follow and settle on the decrepit piece of mistletoe she herself had pinned above the door earlier

after discovering it amongst the decorations.

He lowered his gaze to her face but she refused to look at him.

Gently he placed a hand on either side of her waist and pulled her slowly towards him.

“You know the rules” he whispered softly as she finally lowered her head and looked directly back at him.

“I’m sure that doesn’t count when the mistletoe isn’t even green anymore!” she protested.

“It counts!” He insisted as she struggled to break free of his arms.

“Let me go!”

“Not until I get my kiss” he grinned.

She hesitated before leaning forward and planting the quickest of kisses on his lips and immediately releasing herself from his embrace in one swift movement.

“I hate you” she told him as he grinned back at her.

“I know and it means so much to me”

***

“What have we been doing today? Oh we’ve just been decorating the tree. It was lots of fun actually” she told Angelo as she glanced around hoping Aden wouldn’t return from his shower anytime soon. Angelo it appeared was in the mood for a long conversation and all she wanted was to end it as soon as possible.

The sound of gushing water suddenly became conspicuously absent and Belle hurried to get Angelo off the phone knowing that Aden could reappear at any moment.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Amanda’s taking us all out for an early Christmas meal, you know what with me not being her for the day itself so I should go”

She hated lying but now she’d started she’d begun to realise that there was no way of ever stopping.

“Yeah me to...no Angelo I can’t...look you know I do...I’m not saying it Amanda’s here...yes I’m sure she has heard it before but I’m not saying it now...do you really want me to say it for the first time

over the phone?...Look you know I do!”

Tired of arguing with him and desperate to end the conversation she finally blurted out what he wanted to hear.

“Of course I love you too”

At that exact moment Aden entered the room and nausea flowed through her as she quickly said goodbye to Angelo.

“Aden” she sighed as she threw her phone back on the counter.

“You know I didn’t mean that”

“You don’t have to explain to me” he told her, clearly heartbroken, as he turned and almost barged into his old room, slamming the door with such force that the whole house shook and Belle jumped in

fright.

She didn’t follow him, choosing instead to sink into the sofa and bury her head in her hands.

The fact that he would rather be in that room rather than talk to her spoke volumes and she knew she had to leave him to calm down.

She’d told so many lies to Angelo that she couldn’t remember half of them but she knew telling him that she loved him had been the biggest mistake she had ever made. Even if Aden hadn’t been stood

behind her it would still have been the most awful lie to ever cross her lips.

She tortured herself for over twenty minutes before finally knocking on the door and sliding it open before Aden had a chance to tell her to go away.

But as she entered the room she sighed in disappointment.

Because all that greeted her was an open window and the flimsy curtains blowing in the wind.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 13

She wiped away a tear trickling down her face and sniffled as she tried to occupy herself with washing the dishes. The foamy bubbles immersed her hands as she gently wiped the china plate she was clutching clean. She began to make a mental note of all the items she had left scattered in different areas of the house so it would be easier to collect them when she inevitably packed her things later. It had been two hours and he was still conspicuously absent. She knew eventually she would have to admit defeat.

Placing the final plate carefully on the draining board she dabbed her hands dry with a dish cloth and took a deep breath before turning to collect her things.

“Aden!” she jumped in shock as she found him in her line of vision, leant against the door frame watching her intently.

“You decided to come back then?”

Her tone was angry and accusing but didn’t stop him from slowly stepping towards her and placing the bag he was holding on top of the kitchen counter before gently wiping away the tear still falling

down her cheek with his thumb.

“You’ve been crying” his statement was more of a question.

“Well, I’m an idiot” she moved away from him and flitted to the other side of the room.

“You’re not an idiot Belle”

“That’s debatable. But regardless of whether I’m an idiot you sure are!”

“What?!” he asked incredulously.

“What sort of hostage escapes and then comes back for more?” she laughed, lightening the mood between them.

“Ok, I guess that was a little idiotic of me” he laughed before smiling at her suggestively.

“Who knows? Maybe, I’ve got a smidgen of Stockholm Syndrome...but only a smidgen of course”

A broad smile lit up Belle’s face as she recalled Geoff accusing her of exactly the same thing only a few weeks earlier.

“What?” he looked at her suspiciously.

“Oh nothing, just something Geoff said to me before” she tried to brush away his question.

“Geoff said something funny?” he looked at her doubtfully.

“No way, I don’t believe that for a second! So what are you really smiling at? Come on, I want to know!” he challenged her.

“I didn’t say it was funny. He asked for my help with an assignment. It was about ho-“

“Hostage situations throughout history” Aden finished her sentence.

“How did you know?!”

“Nicole had the nerve to ask me for help with that too”

Belle pulled a nervous face.

“I bet that didn’t end well”

“We didn’t speak for a week” he laughed.

“So it worked out pretty well for me!”

“Aden!” Belle exclaimed, giggling as she did so.

“So you helped Geoff?” he turned the mood sombre once again.

“Yeah” she nodded, biting her lip nervously, suddenly wondering if she should have shared something so personal with anyone other than Aden.

“He asked if I was scared and when I told him that I wasn’t scared for myself, only of what you might do to Larry and what would happen to you if you did, he accused me of having Stockholm

Syndrome”

“Looks like we’ve both got it pretty bad then” he grinned at her and blushing slightly she mirrored his expression.

“Where did you go?” she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

“I was worried”

“Sorry, I just had to get out of here. To get away from...”

“Me?” she enquired, unable to stop a small shot of hurt from flowing through her.

“No! God Belle no”

Instantly his expression changed to one of horror, in fear that she may actually believe that he’d ever want to get away from her.

“I needed to get away from all the confusion and anger and jealously whirring around in my head but it seems that wherever I go it always goes with me”

“You don’t have to be jealous” she sighed, rubbing her temple in frustration.

“I don’t love Angelo. You do know that, don’t you?”

“That doesn’t make it any less difficult to hear you tell him that you do Belle”

“I know. I told you I was an idiot” she sighed dramatically.

“When I asked you before if you’d ever slept Nicole it was because for weeks now every time I see you in the same vicinity as her it kills me to think that you just might and yet here I am pregnant with

another man’s baby, telling him that I love him and I expect you to just accept it like it’s all so simple! I have got myself into the biggest mess ever and I’m stuck right in the middle of it”

“I saw him”

“Who?” she asked perplexed at his response.

“Angelo. When I was out, I saw him”

“Oh god, please tell me he still has all of his limbs?”

“Of course he does!”

“Sight? Hearing? Sense of smell?”

“Belle!” he exclaimed slightly offended by her assumption that he couldn’t control himself.

“I didn’t touch him! I wanted to, I wanted to wipe that smug self satisfied smile right off his face. I wanted to tell him where you were, that you didn’t love him, that he was the idiot for not seeing what is

always right in front of his god damn eyes! But I didn’t. I walked away, I just walked away”

“I’ve tried to love him” she confessed, turning and walking away from Aden, not daring to look at him, scared of his reaction to her coming words.

She ran a hand nervously through her hair, grabbing it for security.

“I even want to love him in a way. I’m carrying his child and if I loved him it would all be so simple. But I’ve tried and it’s not just that I don’t love him, it’s that I don’t think I ever can”

“Life’s never simple Belle, we both know that” he unexpectedly remained calm at her admission.

“I know” she nodded and turned to face him once more.

“If I’m honest, it’s not just that I don’t love him. It’s that he annoys the god damn hell out of me!”

She burst out laughing at her own words and a small smile danced on his plump lips.

“He’s a nice guy, he really is. He is the ultimate in nice guys. But sometimes he’s just too nice! He is smothering me, I can’t exhale without him questioning whether it’s good for the baby, I can’t

read a chapter in that stupid pregnancy book without him already having done extra research on it and I can’t be myself around him. I just can’t breathe anymore!”

He stepped forward towards her, reaching out a hand to tenderly stroke her arm but before he could make contact her eyes fell on the bag he had abandoned on the counter.

“What’s that?”

He stepped away from her and grabbed the brown paper bag in his hand. He scrunched the rough paper as he pulled the bag away and held the bottle of amber liquid up in the air for her to see.

“Aden” she sighed, her heart breaking slightly at the sight before her.

“I haven’t touched it” he told her placing the unopened bottle on the kitchen table in between them.

“I’m not an alcoholic Belle. I could be one day, it’s in the genes I know that. And when I bought that it was like some automatic reaction instilled within me. But I couldn’t drink it, I didn’t want to.

Because I knew that after the initial numbness and then the resulting pounding head nothing will have changed. I didn’t want a drink, I still don’t. All I want is you”

“Aden I-“

“Belle, let me finish please” he interrupted and she instantly stopped talking.

“I love you. I have loved you for what feels like forever. I don’t even know when it happened. One minute you were just a verbal sparring partner and the next you were everything. You’re still everything. But life’s a mess I know that. And we can blame ourselves for that as much as we want but the fact is it was both of us. We both played our part in this and now we have to live with it.”

He paused and moved towards her slowly. His hands found hers and she let her fingers entwine with his.

“I know that you’re all over the place, that you want to do what’s right for your baby and right now you’re not really sure what right is. But Belle this is what’s right, we’re right. And deep down I

know you feel it too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here, locked up in a house with me, sharing a bed with me and lying to Angelo, to Irene, to everyone about where you really are”

She opened her mouth to speak but delicately he raised both of their right hands and placed his index finger gently over her lips.

“”I know that you have to figure everything out for yourself. And I’m not going to be another person smothering you. But I need you to know that I’m here. I am always here. And I’ll wait, as long

as it takes. I’ll wait”.

***

She groaned in discomfort as nausea threatened to overpower her and she leant further forward over the toilet bowl. Her morning sickness had progressed to morning, afternoon and evening sickness

and she felt so dreadful she was considering the possibility that she may have to sleep in her current crouching position just to be on the safe side. Vomiting all over Aden would not be a good move.

She heard his strong footsteps approaching but didn’t dare move as another surge of nausea flowed through her and this time won the battle.

She felt him gently pull back the strands of hair which were dangling in front of her face and hold them out of her way, as he sat down behind her and lent against the radiator behind him.

Tenderly he rubbed her aching back, his strong hand moving in calming circles as her sickness finally subsided.

She reached for a tissue and wiped her mouth before dropping it in the bowl and flushing the toilet. She tilted her head back to avoid the spray of water gushing upwards but returned to her former

position as soon as the flush had settled.

“Attractive huh?” she murmured.

“You’re pregnant, you’re meant to spend half your time with your head over the toilet” he replied still moving his hand in tender circles against her back.

“Half of my time? Me and this toilet bowl,” she paused and gestured to herself and the porcelain structure before her.

“We’re becoming so intimately acquainted, my baby may end up calling it Dad”

He laughed but quickly his expression turned to concern as she lurched forward and began to vomit once more.

When her sickness eventually came to an end they remained in the same positions for several minutes, the silence between them punctured only by the sound of friction caused by Aden’s hand as it moved against her t-shirt.

Finally satisfied that her body had no more left to give she flushed the toilet once more and reached for the purple toothbrush she had left by the sink. He watched her in silence as she cleaned her teeth

and followed with mouthwash to cleanse herself completely of the sickness she hated so much.

She spat the final mouthful of water and wiped her face with a fluffy white towel before allowing her tired body to sink back onto the cold bathroom floor next to him.

“I don’t want this Aden!” she sighed as he snuck a comforting arm around her shoulders.

“I know it’s horrible, but I re-“

He stopped realising what he was doing.

“Ok I don’t want to sound like Angelo, but it says in your book that the sickness should go after 14 weeks so you haven’t got long left”

“I don’t mean the sickness!” she cried frustratedly.

“Well I do but not just that. I don’t want this Aden. I don’t want any of it. I don’t want a baby! I don’t want Angelo’s baby!”

She leant forward, burying her head in his chest as he wrapped his arm even tighter around her shoulders.

He felt her body shudder against him as gentle sobs broke free against his broad chest.

He rubbed his fingers gently through her hair and allowed his lips to gently brush her temple.

“Ssssh” he murmured, wanting to promise her that everything would be ok but knowing that he couldn’t. He placed a hand on either side of her head and tenderly tilted her away from him, doing the

best he could.

“Belle, you have to do what you want. Forget Angelo, forget other people. You have to do what your heart wants. And if that’s an abortion then I promise I will hold your hand all the way through it”

“I can’t” she shook her head and buried her head against him once more.

“I’ll make the appointment, I’ll lie to Angelo about it for you, I’ll do anything Belle”

“I can’t kill my baby” she whimpered against his chest.

“Then let me help you” he cupped her chin with his palm and lifted her head to look at him.

“Leave Angelo. I will help you bring up this baby, I’ll be there every step of the way. I will love you...both of you”

“You know Angelo won’t let that happen” she sighed as though in disappointment.

“Stuff Angelo!” he told her exasperated.

“I wish I could” she giggled slightly.

“Let’s just go. Anywhere. He’d never find us. We can do this together Belle” he looked at her almost pleading for her agreement.

“He’d find us. When we least expected it. He’d always find a way to spoil everything. I can’t ruin both our lives Aden”

“If you’re staying with Angelo then I think my life’s already ruined” he sighed as she lowered her head once again and he gently kissed her hair.

She winced in pain and shifted uncomfortably against him.

“Are you ok?” he looked down at her concern etched in his face.

“Back ache” she explained still wincing.

“And just general exhaustion”

“Why don’t you go and lie down hey?” he suggested gently and she nodded in agreement, raising her body from the floor and slowly exiting the bathroom. She made it as far as the bedroom door before

rotating and retracing her steps until she was stood before him once more.

“Aden, will you come with me?” she asked sheepishly.

“I just need someone to hold me right now”

Instantly she shook her head as though it would erase her previous sentence from history

“No, I need you to hold me right now” she looked down at him expectantly.

He held out his hand so she could pull him up from the bathroom floor.

“You only have to ask” he smiled as he found himself upright and followed her into the bedroom.

This time he didn’t protest or push away when she pressed her body against his, her head rested in the crook of his arm which was slung around her shoulders, her arm wrapped tightly around his waist.

They lay silently, wrapped up in each other for what felt like forever. The gentle sound of their breathing the only noise to alert them to the fact that this was reality and neither of them were going to

wake up from a dream anytime soon.

Tenderly he ran his fingers through her hair until they both fell into semi slumber and his hand dropped gently against her shoulder.

Almost asleep, he felt her stir in his arms.

“Aden?” she murmured.

“Sleep” he mumbled refusing to open her eyes.

“Aden?”

This time he didn’t respond.

“OW!” his eyes shot open as she poked him hard in the centre of his chest.

Still half wrapped in his arm she had pulled herself up the bed so her head was now level with his own.

“That hurt” he stuck his bottom lip out.

“Sorry, but trust me you want to hear what I’ve got to say”

“Go on then, but it better be worth sacrificing sleep for!”

“About earlier” she mumbled suddenly bashful.

“Truth or dare”

“Belle I think the least said about that the better” he told her, closing his eyes once again.

“I need you to know that...”

“That what?” he rested his temple against hers, his eyes still tightly shut.

“That the guys I’ve slept with, all of them, and it hasn’t been that many despite what you like to imply. All of them, with the exception of Angelo I guess, I thought I loved them. At the time I

honestly thought I loved them. And that made it special but I know now that I didn’t even know what love was then”

He let his eyes flicker open and tenderly ran his fingers across her cheek.

“You don’t have to tell me this” he whispered, his warm breath so close that it tickled her skin.

“I know but I want to. And about that dare I-“

“Belle you don’t have to call Angelo”

“I didn’t mean that dare. You dared me to kiss you like I mean it. And I need you to know that no matter what happened, whether I shouted at you or pulled away or beat myself up about it

afterwards, not once have I ever kissed you and not meant it”

She tilted her head forwards, so their lips were so close that he could feel them form the outline of her next sentence against his own as she spoke again.

“I always mean it”

As soon as the word “it” had left her mouth, before he had even had the opportunity to register what she had said, she pressed her lips against his and drew him into a long awaited kiss.

He hesitated for only a fraction of a second before responding with as much passion and desire as emanated from Belle.

The kiss escalated in seconds, breathy, impatient and brimming with longing. He pulled her body closer to him, as though he wanted to absorb her whole and they remained locked together, in the kiss

they felt they had been waiting for forever for what felt like eternity.

Eventually their urgency subsided and Belle placed gentle butterfly kisses against his lips before lowering her head back onto his chest.

She ran her fingertips gently over his chest and kissed him softly through the fabric of his shirt.

“I know exactly when it happened” she whispered.

“What?” he asked, still slightly dazed.

“You said you weren’t sure when I went from being a verbal sparring partner to being everything. Well I know exactly when you did for me”

“Let me guess, when you discovered what a master I was in the bedroom?” he chuckled into her hair.

“You wish mister!” she giggled against his chest.

“In fact you weren’t even there”

“What?”

“I was driving Matilda to the train station and she told me she’d warned you not to hurt me. And you said th-“

“That I would never hurt you because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” he finished her sentence.

“Yeah” he felt her lips take the shape of a broad smile against his chest.

“And that should of freaked me out. We’d only been dating a few weeks. It should have completely freaked me out. But it didn’t. Because I wanted to be the best thing that ever happened to you, I wanted this...us... to be everything, I still do”

He ran a gentle hand through her hair and whispered against it.

“It is everything. It always will be”

And in that moment, before they both drifted into a deep sleep still wrapped together, she allowed herself to believe it. To forget about everything else and to believe that this would be enough.

***

She stirred in the darkness of the early hours and gasped as a sharp pain shot through her. Wrapped tightly against his chest she shifted, disorientated and struggling to decipher where she was. Slowly the events of the previous night came flooding back and she smiled to herself despite the discomfort she was experiencing.

She carefully lifted his arm, so not to wake him, releasing herself from his embrace and sitting upright on the bed.

She gazed tenderly down at him as he slept, oblivious to her movement. Gently she ran the back of her fingers down his cheek before leaning over his sleeping body and placing a delicate kiss on his

temple.

Slightly reluctant to tear herself away from him she lifted her aching body from the bed and tip-toed into the bathroom.

Reaching her destination she wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted to do. Her head was light and slightly dizzy but she felt no nausea.

Severe pain shot through her lower back and shoulders. She gasped and grabbed hold of the sink to steady herself. She tried to breathe through the pain but found it impossible.

Petrified and alone she opened her mouth to call for him but his name refused to escape her lips as she felt her body give way and she hit the cold bathroom tiles beneath her with a thud.

She reached out a hand to cry out for him again but still the words refused to flow and before she could contemplate another option her whole world went black.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 14

“Aden Jeffries open this door!” she screamed with all her might determined to rouse him from whatever comatose, drunken state she was certain he was in.

He stirred slightly not sure if he was having a nightmare or if Nicole really was pounding on his front door.

He allowed his eyes to flutter open a fraction but closed them quickly, the sunlight which was streaming through the minute gaps in the blinds stinging his eyes.

“Aden!”

He groaned as her screeching went through him like nails down a chalkboard.

He heard the letter box clatter and buried his head in the soft pillow knowing her volume was about to increase dramatically.

“Aden let me in! Roman’s sent Christmas pudding and if you don’t answer this door I swear I will post it through the letter box!”

She paused waiting for a response.

“Custard and all!” she threatened and he chuckled, the sound slightly muffled by the plump pillow beneath him.

“She will really do it” he mumbled to the figure sleeping next to him as the letterbox clattered once more and a resounding thud reverberated through the house.

The slow sound of sloppy liquid being emptied through the brass hole followed and he moaned loudly as the tapping of Nicole’s heels retreating away from the house met his ears.

“You are so cleaning that up!” he told her and prepared himself for her inevitable retort and sharp elbow in his ribs.

Nothing came.

“Belle?”

This time when she didn’t reply he opened his eyes despite the pain and reached out to hold her, only to grasp nothing more than thin air.

He groaned again as he scanned the room to find it empty. Slowly raising his body to a sitting position he buried his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe after everything that had happened the night

before, everything she’d said, everything they’d both said, she had still woken up and regretted it.

His clothes rumpled from sleeping in them all night and his hair stuck wildly on end he marched into the kitchen.

“Belle?”

Finding the kitchen empty he stuck his head around the living room door.

“Belle?” he tried again, his tone more persistent but not changing the fact that she was nowhere to be found.

He rubbed his temple in frustration. He couldn’t believe that she’d actually left.

He hesitated for a second before determination swept through him. He wasn’t going to let her do this.

He was going after her.

He was going to make her see that all that mattered was that they were together.

He headed towards the door and then backtracked, having second thoughts. He would never convince her if he looked like he’d been sleeping rough for a week.

He sniffed his arm hesitantly and concluded that he didn’t actually smell that bad but a shower wouldn’t hurt given how she normally nagged him about getting better acquainted with water.

He stomped determinedly towards the bathroom, in his head running through the speech he would rattle off as soon as he saw her. The speech that had to be perfect, to convince her that she was meant

to be with him, that they could work everything else out as long as they were together.

He pushed the bathroom door absent mindedly and recoiled in slight shock as it bounced back in his face. He pushed it once more, cautiously this time and avoided being hit by the wooden frame as it

returned to its original position.

Carefully, with his two middle fingers, he attempted to open it once more. Solid and immobile he realised an unknown object must be lodged behind it. He huffed and puffed to himself, slightly annoyed that whatever had fallen over in the bathroom was delaying him from following Belle.

He used all his force to hold the door slightly open and, taking a deep breath, squeezed his broad frame in the small gap he’d managed to create between the door and it’s frame..

Sheer pain almost crushed him as his eyes fell upon the floor.

“Oh my god Belle!” he screamed, distraught as he lowered himself to where she lay on the cold floor tiles. He gently pulled his arm around her shoulder and levered her limp frame further into the room

so that the door fell open and he was able to fully enter.

“Belle!” he called out again, shaking her in desperation as though it would bring her round.

“Belle!”

“Please...Belle...Come on sweetheart please”

Pain punctuated every word as he fought back the tears threatening to break free.

A slight whimper escaped his manly frame as he cupped her face in his palm and called to her once more. Her eyes tightly shut, her neck flopped back against his knee and she gave no response.

He didn’t want to let go of her, as though his touch would somehow be enough to save her, but he laid her gently back on the floor and delved into his pocket for his phone. He punched in the emergency

number and requested the ambulance service. Hastily he gave the address and the operator informed him an ambulance was minutes away.

“Minutes?!” he cried as he took her hand in his.

“She needs them now!” he panicked.

“Aden?” The operator questioned him calmly, clearly trained to handle people in these sort of situations.

“Can you tell me if Belle’s got a pulse?”

His panic slightly subsiding as he concentrated, he lifted her wrist and desperately felt for a pulse. For any sign of life.

“God she’s so cold” he mumbled dropping her wrist and instead leaning over her and pressing his free hand against her neck.

He waited to feel something, anything.

“I can’t feel a pulse!” he cried, tears finally breaking free.

“She hasn’t got a pulse!” he told the operator as he clung to her desperately.

“Belle Taylor don’t you dare die on me!” he commanded as though he had some sort of control over the situation.

A sharp thump against the front door made him jump.

He hung up the phone and ran to the front door, only realising half way just where the key was.

“S**t!” he cried contemplating whether to go back or just kick the damn door down,

He stopped and turned before sprinting back to the bathroom.

Carefully he removed the key from the lacy fabric of Belle’s bra, whispering a genuine apology as he did so, feeling like he was in some way violating her just by touching her.

Letting the paramedics in he mumbled a quick “Don’t ask” as they trod Christmas pudding into the carpet.

“Just help her please!” he pleaded as they entered the bathroom and he stood back in the doorway not wanting to get in there way.

The elder of the two, an experienced male bent over Belle and placed a gentle hand against her face.

“Belle, can you hear me?” he asked calmly as Aden looked on in horror at her continued lack of response.

“Ok, we’ve got a weak pulse” the young woman announced, reaching to put an oxygen mask on Belle as Aden let out a slight sigh of relief. She wasn’t dead. She wasn’t dead.

Yet.

“Aden can you tell me if Belle’s got any medical conditions we should know about it?”

“No. No. Nothing” he shook his head.

“God what’s wrong with her?!” he cried out as he recalled something he should tell them, not sure how he’d ever managed to forget.

“She’s pregnant!” he blurted out.

“12 weeks. She’s 12 weeks pregnant, god just help her please!” he reached out to hold her hand as the female stepped in between him and Belle’s weak body and moved him away.

“Look Aden, I know it’s difficult but we need you to try and stay calm. Belle needs you to stay calm. I know you’re scared but we’re going to do everything we can to help Belle and your baby”

He stepped back and let them work. He didn’t correct the assumption that the baby was his. It warmed him slightly inside that they’d assumed it was. Like he and Belle had a connection that no one

could break. He wished it was his baby. He wished everything could be that simple.

***

“Aden, where is she?” Irene exclaimed as she burst through the doors behind him.

He turned to face her, fear etched in his tear stained face.

“Surgery. They won’t tell me anything, because I’m not god damn related to her!” he slammed his hand against the wall in frustration.

“What on earth was she doing with you anyway?” Irene asked perplexed.

“She was meant to be in the City, visiting that mother of hers”

Aden turned away sheepishly.

“She was never in the City was she?” she looked at him knowingly.

Aden shook his head and blurted out the truth, not caring who knew. Belle was all that mattered right now.

“Good Lordy, where does that girl get her ideas from?” She rolled her eyes as the door to the relatives room slipped open and Rachel entered the room.

“Rachel!” they both cried in unison.

“How is she?” Irene questioned, knowing instantly from the stern look on Rachel’s face that it was serious.

“She’s in surgery, were doing all we can but...Belle’s pregnancy is ectopic”

“Oh no” Irene raised a hand to her open mouth in shock.

“What does that mean?” Aden questioned, confused and out of the loop, suddenly feeling as though he was the only person with any right to know how Belle was.

“It basically means that the fertilised egg implants in the fallopian tube instead of in the womb.” Rachel explained gently, trying not to confuse and distress him anymore than necessary.

“It embeds itself into the lining of the tube and causes bleeding. Belle has very severe internal bleeding I’m afraid”

“But she’s going to be ok right?” he asked distraught.

“And her baby?”

“In an ectopic pregnancy the embryo very rarely develops and survival is virtually unheard of. The surgeons are operating now to remove Belle’s fallopian tube, she will lose the pregnancy”

“I don’t understand this, how did nobody know? Surely someone should have known?!” he shouted, anger suddenly enveloping him. Rachel tried to remain calm.

“No one had any reason to suspect Belle’s pregnancy was ectopic Aden. It would have been picked up at her first scan next week but that was obviously too late. There was no reason to suggest Belle

needed an early scan, she’s young and healthy”

“Not right now she’s not!” he cried.

“She’s lying in there, bleeding! I should have done something!”

“Aden! No one could have known. All the symptoms are common side effects of a healthy pregnancy”

“What sort of symptoms?”

“Back ache, abdominal pain, cramp. Nothing out of the ordinary for a pregnant woman to experience”

“Oh god!” Aden buried his head in his hands as Rachel listed ailments, all of which Belle had complained of in the last few days.

Rachel put her hand delicately on Aden’s shoulder.

“Belle’s internal bleeding is very severe” she said gently, trying to address both Aden and Irene at once.

“Everything that can be done is being done but I think that you should call Amanda and anyone else close who would want to...”

Rachel hesitated, tears starting to well in her own eyes.

“Say goodbye?” Aden whimpered.

His heart broke into a million tiny pieces as Rachel silently nodded.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 15.

“I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor ...but love is not a victory march

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah” (Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley)

He gently ran his fingertips over her hand, being careful to avoid the tube pumping another unknown substance into her system. Somewhere close by a constant, rhythmic beep emanated from one of

the various machines currently keeping her alive as he watched her stomach rise and fall with each cycle of oxygen another contraption pumped into her.

The door behind him creaked open but he refused to tear his attention away from the fragile figure before him, gazing intently to ensure she was still there.

“Aden, why don’t you go home and get some sleep?”

“I’m not leaving her Irene” he stated defiantly, still refusing to look away from her.

Irene lowered herself into the chair next to him and placed a comforting hand on Belle’s arm.

“You’re exhausted. She wouldn’t want you sat here 24/7, wearing yourself out” she tried again gently.

“I can’t leave Irene. You heard Rachel, she said the next 48 hours were critical. What if she..what if she...you know and I’m not here?”

“Love, look at her. They didn’t even expect her to get through the surgery and there she is, Rachel said the next 48 hours were critical 40 hours ago and she’s still here. She’s a fighter, that girl is not

going anywhere believe me”

“I can’t leave” he repeated, shaking his head a fraction but still not removing his gaze from her small and delicate body.

“At least go home and get a shower and a change of clothes?” Irene tried a different tactic.

“Do you really want the first thing she says when she wakes up to be some quip about you not having seen water since over the font at your baptism?”

A small smile crossed Aden’s lips although he still remained focused on Belle.

“She’s already used that one” he allowed a laugh to exit his exhausted body.

“See, I know her too well” Irene smiled fondly.

“I never would have imagined the day I caught her breaking into my car all those years ago that she’d end up being like a daughter to me”

“Breaking into your car?!” Aden finally turned to look at Irene.

“You haven’t got a monopoly on trouble Aden Jeffries believe me. This girl has caused more than her fair share in her time”

Irene tenderly brushed away a tiny strand of hair from Belle’s forehead.

“But I wouldn’t have her any other way”

“I know she came to the Bay to find Amanda but I think it would have been more than enough if she’d just found you Irene. You’ve been more of a mother to her than anyone else”

“Oh stop it!” Irene waved a hand to shush him before wiping hot tears from her eyes.

“Look you’ve set me off now!” she tried to laugh.

“I just think...no I know that if Belle was conscious right now and she thought that she was... that she was...she was...”

He hesitated, the word refusing to exit his mouth until finally he forced it out.

“Dying. Then she would be saying this to you. And she can’t, so I’m saying it for her”

“She wouldn’t need to love, she’ll beat this. She’ll show us all” Irene placed her hand gently over Aden’s for the briefest of seconds.

“I can’t pretend to have always approved of you two. You’ve put her through more strife than all the other boyfriends put together, I’ve wiped away tears you’ve caused more often that I care to

remember and she’s told more lies since she met you than...well I don’t know what” She told him slightly disapprovingly.

“But since I first met her she has grown into an amazing young woman and I trust her judgement. If she thinks you’re worth all the trouble and heartache, well you must have something you’re not

letting the rest of the world see. And I only have to look at you sat here to see how much you love her. If she loves you too, which she clearly does – even a blind man could see it- then that’s good enough for me”

***

“Hey” a feminine voice pierced the air, the tapping of her heels on the hard floor approaching behind him.

“Nicole, you’re not meant to be in here!”

The blonde looked around the room and then quickly scanned the view through the glass panel in the door.

“No one’s around. So they’ll just throw me out if they see me in here. Big deal” she dismissed his concern and slumped into the chair next to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Irene called Roman”

“So I take it the whole town knows now. I suppose everyone’s blaming me?” he questioned as he grasped Belle’s limp hand gently in his own.

“No of course not! And nobody knows, not yet”

“If you’ve come in here to persuade me to leave then forget it”

“No, I understand sort of” she told him nervously running a hand through her golden tresses.

“I mean I wouldn’t want to leave either if it was someone I cared about. I mean god I don’t know how I’d feel if it was Geoff, or my Mum or Roman...or you”

“Me?” he turned to her, his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah alright, whatever” she looked away, her face a shade of crimson.

“Love you too Nic” he smiled genuinely.

“Who doesn’t?” she dismissed him and he chuckled slightly before guilt washed over him and he turned back to Belle, scanning her face and body for any sign of a response not triggered by a machine.

He found none.

“Thanks very much for the Christmas pudding by the way” he told her, his tone woven with sarcasm.

“What, you were in? When Irene called I just assumed you hadn’t answered because you were here?”

“ No, I was asleep and Belle was..well she was ...”

“Oh god Aden I’m so sorry, I would never have done that if I’d known Belle was half dead in the bathroom!” she blurted out and then instantly realised what she had said.

“Oh damn, I didn’t mean that how it sounded, god I’m so stupid I never know what to say at times like this I just ramble and go on and on and o-“

“Nicole!” he shouted instantly stopping her flow of speech.

“Yes?” she asked sheepishly.

“Shut up”

“Good idea” she nodded.

“I just keep thinking about last time I was here” he told her quietly.

“Last time?”

“When my Dad died”

“Right” Nicole nodded again.

“You should tell her” she almost commanded him.

“Tell her what?”

“Everything you want to say to her. You didn’t do that with your Dad and it almost destroyed you. So you need to tell her because we don’t know that she can’t hear us right now. And I pray to god that

she wakes up and kicks your ass for saying you love me when she’s lying there half dead – damn I did it again sorry!- but there is a very real possibility that she might not so you have to say what you want to say now”

“I told her, before she collapsed. I told her” he replied, lifting Belle’s hand cautiously to his lips and placing a delicate kiss on her fingertips as he cradled her palm.

“I’m glad. Now please come home, even if only for half an hour, because right now you stink and if Belle wakes up and you’re like this, seriously Angelo will be the better option”

“Angelo will never be the better option” Aden laughed.

“Angelo could be up against Bartlett and he still wouldn’t be the better option”

“I don’t know he’s quite cute” Nicole pretended to be considering Angelo’s appeal.

“And women love a man in uniform, especially when it doesn't say Summer Bay High on it!”

“Seriously” she told him holding out her hand for him.

“Half an hour? You need food and fresh clothes or you’re not going to be any good to Belle when she wakes up. Please?”

He hesitated for a moment, letting his eyes flutter back and forth between Belle and Nicole. He eased forward in the chair and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I love you” he whispered barely audibly as Nicole scanned her nails and pretended not to hear.

“Keep fighting for me” he ordered before taking Nicole’s hand and letting her lead him out of the room.

[Louise_2983]

Please note, I apologise now for what I am about to do!

Chapter 16

Vigorously he scrubbed his bare body with the foamy loofah, letting the lather immerse him as steaming hot water pounded against his face and chest like hailstones. His eyes scrunched tightly together as the, almost scalding, trickled down his body and towards the plug hole.

If he concentrated hard enough on the circular motion in which he rubbed the dripping sponge he could almost transport himself to another place, to another time. For the briefest of seconds he could forget. For the tiniest fraction of a moment he was back in the bathroom of his childhood home and Belle was mere metres away, just beyond the closed door retaining his privacy.

Slowly the strong, constant gush of water began to grow cold and grudgingly he twisted the shower dial back to its original position. The flow of water instantly ceased and a surge of bitter cold air hit him in the chest at exactly the same moment as the cruel reality of where he really was, and where Belle wasn’t, came flooding back to the forefront of his mind.

He wrapped a soft, white towel around his waist as he became aware of muffled voices downstairs.

“Aden!” Roman’s deep voice called up the stairs.

He opened the bathroom door a fraction, hesitant and scared of what Roman may about to say.

“Is it Belle? Has Irene called?” he panicked.

“No mate don’t worry, Charlie and Jack are here they want to talk to you” Roman was quick to reassure him.

Roman couldn’t begin to understand but he’d seen how on edge Aden had been on the way home from the hospital. Being away from Belle for even the shortest time clearly put him on tenterhooks and

he cursed himself for worrying him unnecessarily like that.

“I’ll be down in a minute” Aden muttered stomping into his room and rubbing his body dry before slipping into new jeans and a freshly laundered t-shirt. It smelt like Nicole’s fabric conditioner but he wasn’t in the mood to complain. Right now he didn’t care if his fragrance resembled that of a summer meadow.

Quickly he ran a comb through his damp hair before darting downstairs. As he reached the last few steps Charlie came into his line of vision. She looked stern and slightly uncomfortable as she tried to remain professional in her ex-boyfriend’s home.

Aden couldn’t help but grin as he raised his eyes from Charlie to Jack who couldn’t look any less professional if he tried, having positioned himself in front of the majestic Christmas tree Nicole had decorated with baby pink tinsel and silver bows. Almost as tall as the tree itself, Jack looked as though he was wearing the silver winged fairy as a hat. A sly glance across the room confirmed to Aden that Nicole was struggling to keep a straight face as much as he was.

“Aden we need to take a statement from you” Charlie told him as a tiny snort finally escaped Nicole’s body, having been unable to suppress it any longer.

Charlie and Roman both shot disapproving looks in her direction, having no idea what she was actually laughing at. Only Aden smiled knowingly, causing Nicole to clamp a hand tightly over her mouth in order to prevent a further outburst.

“I told you before, I’m not giving a statement” Aden told Charlie adamantly.

“Aden, he attacked you” she persisted, clearly not fond of not getting her own way.

“It’s nothing, it was just a scratch”

“Aden you needed 6 stitches” Roman butted in, gesturing with his right hand towards the long and tender gash across Aden’s forehead.

“The guy just lost his baby I’m not pressing charges”

“Actually we have enough to press charges without your statement. We’ve got CCTV footage from the hospital and Rachel and Irene both saw everything” Jack finally stepped away from the tree and

Aden heard Nicole breathe a sigh of relief.

“Then why are you even here?” he asked them, annoyance clearly etched on his face.

“A statement from you would tie everything up” Charlie insisted.

“Well it sounds like you’ve got everything tied up just fine already. Look do what you want with him, I don’t care as long as you keep him away from Belle”

“We won’t be letting him go until he’s calmed down I assure you. But he hasn’t touched Belle, we can’t impose that sort of condition on him”

“But you can make him stay away from me right?”

“Well yes but w-“

“Then do it. Because wherever Belle is I’ll be so then he’ll have to stay away from her”

“Look, if you change your mind about the statement just come down to the station” Charlie ignored him completely.

“I won’t” he told her reaching out and holding the door open to signal that he wanted them to leave. He was glad when they didn’t object and slammed the door behind them as they exited.

“What is wrong with you?!” Nicole loudly exclaimed as soon as the door was shut.

“What?” he asked as Roman nudged past him and headed upstairs.

“The guy hit you so hard that he knocked you out cold before you even hit the edge of the desk you cut your stupid head open on! He doesn’t even know that you and Belle have been locked up together this past week yet and you don’t want to press charges?!”

“He’s just lost his baby Nic, don’t you think that’s bad enough?”

“Its sad but it’s not an excuse Aden”

She paused before asking suspiciously.

“ Was Irene right?”

“What?” he asked again, confused.

“She told Roman that you didn’t even try to fight back, you stood there and let him hit you, multiple times!, before he knocked you out”

He didn’t respond choosing instead to bite his lip and avert his eyes from her gaze.

“Oh my god it’s true. You let him hit you!”

“I deserved it” he shrugged sheepishly.

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Look Nic, if I thought for one second that Belle loved him, that she wanted to be with him... I would want to kill him with my bare hands. So I get it, I get why he hates me”

“But if you tried to kill him he’d fight back that’s the difference Aden!” Nicole was looking at him like he was insane.

“It’s all my fault Nic. If I’d just stayed away from Belle in the first place none of this would ever happened”

He sunk down onto the couch beside her and buried his head in his hands.

“And do you really think Belle would have wanted that? She’s crazy about you. Even Angelo can see that, why else do you think he turned into a crazed lunatic the minute he saw you in the hospital?”

“If I’d talked to someone sooner about what happened to me then maybe I wouldn’t have done what I did to my Dad and to Belle and Rachel, and then she wouldn’t have been dating Angelo. She would never have got pregnant and she wouldn’t be lying in that hospital bed now!”

“You can’t say that. How do you know you wouldn’t have gotten her pregnant? For all you know fate could have always had this planned. You can’t beat yourself up with what ifs Aden. Everything that has happened has happened and now you just have to deal with it the best way you can”

She placed her hand over his and squeezed gently.

“And that means not letting Angelo kill you because Belle’s going to need you when she wakes up”

“What if she doesn’t Nic?”

“She will. I know Belle and I have never really gotten along but that’s because we’re both as stubborn as each other. She’s a fighter, she’s not going to let this beat her. But you have to fight too, she needs you to fight for her Aden.”

She paused as he turned to look at her, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Promise me you will never stop fighting?”

“Why do you care so much?” he teased gently.

“Well...look if you dare to tell anyone outside this room that I said this then I will deny ever having done so but...I kind of need you too”

She looked down at their hands clasped together, now it was her turn to avoid his gaze.

“When I was growing up I always wanted a brother, you know someone to fight with?” she laughed heartily.

“Seriously Aden. I did always want a brother. But I never imagined I’d actually get one who means as much to me as you do”

“Yeah whatever” he brushed away her comment, repeating her own dismissal of him in the hospital earlier.

“We should get back to the hospital” she ignored him standing up and pulling him with her.

“You don’t have to come”

“It’s fine” she winked.

“What are sisters for?”

***

He couldn’t remember how to breathe. The sight before him so heartbreaking that he forgot how to function. Tears began to fall down his cheeks, hot and painful as Nicole gently placed her hand on his upper arm.

“Aden” she whispered gently.

“I shouldn’t have left” he shook his head, not removing his eyes from the empty room before him.

“Aden, I’m so sorry. I thought she was going to make it”

“You convinced me to leave!” he instantly turned to look at her with venom in his eyes.

“You made me leave and she....she....she died without me Nic!”

He lifted her hand from his arm and threw it back towards her petite frame, fury flashing across his face as he did so.

He walked further into the room and placed his hands tentatively on the edge of the bed he had last seen occupied by Belle. The sheets fresh, crisp and made neatly as though she had never been there.

Erased from the history of the room, ready and waiting to welcome its next patient.

His whole body shook with devastation but the sobs that should accompany his body’s jerk reaction refused to come as emptiness and pain surged through him in equal measure.

“Aden...” Nicole dared to step closer to him and cautiously placed a comforting hand around his shoulders.

“I should have been there Nic” he whispered as she pulled him into her arms.

“I promised her that I’d be there whatever happened and then when she needed me the most I wasn’t there”

He buried his head in her shoulder as she held him in silence, unsure of what to say or do. Knowing that nothing could ever make this better.

“Aden, there you are! I’ve been trying to call you!”

“Irene?” Aden raised his head from Nicole’s shoulder, confused by the older woman’s expression and jovial tone.

“Irene are you ok?” Nicole asked, genuinely worried.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Irene looked from Nicole to Aden and then back to Nicole again. Confused by the suspicious way they were both looking at her.

“Well...” Nicole hesitated realising that maybe Irene was in denial but knowing she had to say it.

“Belle’s dead. You must be upset”

“What?! Oh god!” Irene suddenly realised what was going on as she scanned the empty room before letting her gaze fall back on the teenagers before.

“Love Belle’s not dead! She woke up about an hour ago”

“Oh thank god!” Nicole exclaimed as Aden stared at Irene in disbelief, his heart still pounding faster than should be humanely possible.

“You big idiot!” Nicole half laughed, slapping Aden on the chest with a little too much force than necessary.

“Is she ok?” he asked, ignoring Nicole, and instead looking up at Rachel who had just entered the room.

“She’s doing well. She’s breathing by herself, she’s talking and she’s coherent. She knows who she is and where she is. I never thought I’d be saying this but she’s going to be fine Aden”

Finally he became aware that he was in fact breathing as he sighed in genuine relief.

“Where is she? Can I see her?”

“We had to take her for some tests but they’re done now. We’ve moved her to a quieter room. She’s still weak and tired. She will be for a while”

“So can I see her?”

“Well only one person at a time and not for long, she needs lots of rest. She asking for yo-“

“Then just show me where she is already!” he replied impatiently.

He needed to see her. To see her beautiful eyes looking back at him, to hold her hand in his, to see her breathing and alive.

Rachel looked back at him and hesitated before clarifying.

“She’s asking for Irene”

“But I need to see her!”

“And you can but she’s asking for Irene. So I think you should wait”

“I’ll make sure she knows you’re desperate to see her love. No doubt she’ll be kicking me out of the door as soon as she knows” Irene told him as she followed Rachel out of the room.

Nicole gave Aden a knowing look, trying to distract him from his obvious pain.

“See I told you me and Belle were alike. I’d so make you wait too. Nothing works better than playing hard to get”

***

“Hey there girly, you had us scared for a while there” Irene quietly told a fragile Belle as she sat by her bed and tenderly brushed her hair from her forehead.

“Sorry” Belle smiled weakly, exhaustion etched in her face.

“For someone who has been unconscious for two days you sure look tired” Irene lightly teased.

“So tired” Belle nodded, closing her eyes and letting her cheek rest on the soft pillow.

“Then you should get some rest but before you do there’s someone outside dying to see you”

“Not a good choice of words there Irene” Belle didn’t open her eyes but a small smile played on her lips.

“Well at least you’ve still got your sense of humour, that’s a good sign”

Belle let her eyes flicker open.

“Angelo must be devastated. I guess you should send him in” she told Irene reluctantly.

“Actually love I wasn’t talking about Angelo, I meant Aden. He’s been breaking his heart over you. Angelo’s not here Belle”

“Please don’t tell me they had a fight” she groaned.

“No, not a fight. More like Angelo attacking Aden. Aden didn’t raise a finger to him. Angelo was arrested”

“Oh no, this is all my fault”

“None of this is your fault love, don’t you ever think that. Now I’m going to go home and get you some things. I’ll send Aden in”

“No!”

“But Belle h-“

“No Irene! I don’t want to see him, just send him away please!” she cried becoming distressed.

“Hey hey” Irene soothed her.

“Calm down girly, this isn’t good for you”

“I can’t see him Irene. I just can’t”

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 17

She shuffled up the bed, into a more comfortable position. Half sitting, half lying down, as he entered the room hesitant and slightly sheepish.

“Hey, I was wondering when you’d show up” she told him, offering a feeble smile in his direction as he ignored the chair and perched on the edge of her hospital bed.

“Yeah sorry I would have been here earlier but I was –“

“Otherwise detained. Yeah I heard” she interrupted.

She reached out and took his hand in her own, lifting it towards her face before carefully examining his red raw knuckles.

“Ouch” she whispered, dreading to think what Aden looked like.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched him. Something just snapped. I wasn’t there when you needed me and then he got to the hospital before I did and that killed me”

“What exactly did Irene tell you about what happened?” She questioned, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“That you came home from the City late so you just went straight to bed and then the next morning she found you in the bathroom...”

Belle sighed and buried her head in her hands. Irene should never have had to lie for her. She should never have put her in that position in the first place.

“I’m sorry” she told him genuinely.

“Hey!” he exclaimed gently running his hand gently down her cheek.

“You have nothing to be sorry about”

“I lost our baby Angelo” she whimpered.

“And that wasn’t your fault. I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for you”

“And that was my fault too”

“What? Belle, you’re not to blame for any of this” he gently took her hand in his, turning it over and examining her palm as if it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. Without looking up he

finally asked the question which had been tormenting him ever since he had discovered that Belle had lost the baby.

“I guess you’re going to go back to him now huh?”

“What?”

“Aden.” he paused and lifted his gaze to her face.

“I’m not stupid Belle. Before I was literally holding my breath just waiting for you to wake up to yourself and realise that it was him you wanted and for you to end things with me. And then you were

pregnant and I thought that maybe that would be enough, that you would stay with me and maybe even love me one day. But now there’s no baby and there’s nothing to stop you leaving”

“I need to tell you the truth” she gulped.

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t at Irene’s when I collapsed. I didn’t come home early from the City. I never even went to the City”

“I don’t understand?” he looked at her perplexed.

“I was with Aden the whole time. At his Dad’s house. Irene didn’t find me in the bathroom, Aden did. That’s how he got here before you”

“You’ve been with him this whole time?”

“Yeah” she nodded, guilt pulsating through her.

“Well I was with him, but not with him I swear. Nothing happened. Well except for one kiss...”

“I’m so stupid” he whispered letting go of her hand.

“No, you’re not! I am! Physically I haven’t been with Aden for a long time but emotionally I never left him. I should never have started a relationship with you. I was a mess but that’s no excuse. This is

all my fault”

“I knew you wanted him not me. I just chose to ignore it” he confessed.

“It was up to me to walk away. None of this is your fault. I’m so sorry I let it get this far. And I’m so sorry about our baby...”

She lifted her hand and gently wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks with her thumb. Tenderly she pulled him into her embrace and silently they sat, wrapped in each other’s arms, the void Belle felt inside only highlighted by his gentle tears.

“Sorry, I’ll come back later” Rachel announced as she entered and realised she was interrupting a private moment.

“No, No it’s ok” he told her as he pulled away.

“I’m leaving”

“I just need to talk to Belle, I’ll only be a few minutes”

“It’s ok, I’m leaving”

He looked to Belle for confirmation.

“Walking away time right?”

She nodded silently as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and walked out of the room. Part of her wanted to call out to him, to repeat how sorry she was and how stupid she’d been but she knew

that she had to let him go without another word.

“How are you feeling today?” Rachel asked bringing her attention back to her.

“Fine. Tired but fine. I just want to go home Rach” she pleaded, desperate to get away from everything the hospital represented.

“Then you’ll be very happy to hear we’re going to discharge you this afternoon”

“Thank you” she sighed.

“But before we do I think we should set up an appointment for you with a counsellor”

“I don’t need that” she shook her head adamantly.

“Belle, you’ve just lost your baby and you almost didn’t make it yourself” Rachel replied gently, rubbing her hand delicately over her own growing bump as she did so.”

“And I’m dealing with it. I don’t need to talk to anyone”

“Bel-“

“Rach, I’m fine!”

“Belle pretending nothing’s happened is not fine” Irene announced as she moved forward from the doorway where she had been stood listening, unnoticed for the past few minutes.

“I’m not”

“Love, it’s like you’re empty. You haven’t cried or screamed or shouted. You just sit there staring into space like you feel nothing”

“Maybe I do feel nothing”

“Which is why you should talk to someone”

“I don’t want to talk to a counsellor, so please just drop it”

“Well if you won’t talk to a counsellor then how about...” Irene paused not sure whether she dared complete the sentence.

“How about what?”

“Aden’s outside”

“Again?! How many times do I have to say that I don’t want to see him before he’ll get the message?”

“Belle, he’s been worried sick about you”

“Well I’m fine now so he can stop worrying. Please just tell him to go Irene”

“Girly have you thought for one second what that boy has been through? How do you think he felt finding you and then having to sit by your side knowing you probably wouldn’t make it? So you don’t

want to see him but have you ever thought he might need to see you?”

Belle looked down at her own hands, unable to handle the sudden sternness filling Irene’s voice.

“When did you become Aden’s biggest fan? You never approved before”

“Well when I’m wrong I admit it. And I was wrong. You’re pushing away one of the good ones girly”

“I can’t see him Irene” she whispered.

“So you keep saying, I just don’t understand why. He loves you and I would have put good money on you feeling the same”

“I can’t see him Irene” she repeated,

“Just make him go away please”

***

“Geoff?” Annie looked across at him full of concern as he began to turn a funny shade of blue.

He struggled to cough and raised a hand to point to his throat.

Belle quickly reached across behind him and thumped him hard in the middle of his back.

A small, silver coin shot out of his mouth and landed in Annie’s almost empty bowl.

“Eugh!” she squealed in disgust.

“Only you could choke on the sixpence Geoff” Belle laughed as she spooned another chunk of Christmas pudding into her mouth.

“No choking please!” Irene exclaimed as she returned from the bathroom.

“I’ve spent enough time at that hospital recently thank you very much!”

“So it was in my bowl. Does that mean I get it wish?” Geoff asked as he cleared his throat and his face began to return to its normal colour.

“No” Irene laughed.

“It’s meant to bring you luck. You only get a wish if you stir the coins into the mixture and Annie here monopolised that one”

“And I certainly didn’t wish for someone to spit a sixpence in my Christmas pudding” Annie sighed looking disgustedly into her bowl causing the others around the table to laugh.

“What did you wish for?” Geoff asked, his minor choking incident not stopping him from digging back into his dessert.

Without waiting for an answer he playfully flicked a spoonful at Annie.

“Geoff!” she squealed as it hit her square on the forehead.

“Irene tell him!” she exclaimed as he laughed cheekily at her.

“Children, children!” Irene mocked giving Geoff a gentle slap around the head as she did so.

“Ow!” he mouthed only pretending that it had hurt.

“Belle?” Annie asked hesitantly noticing that her head was buried in her hands, her elbows resting on the table.

“Love, are you ok?” Irene asked concerned at she raised her head.

“I’m just tired” she reassured the three worried faces looking back at them.

“I think Christmas was a bit too much” she rubbed her temples, the Christmas music in the background finally becoming too much for her exhausted body as a high pitched voice filled the room.

“Merry Christmas!” Nicole announced as she barged into the kitchen clutching an expertly wrapped present.

Belle visibly winced.

“Belle why don’t you go and have a lie down hey?” Irene suggested as Nicole shot Belle a dirty look. Knowing she would not be able to handle whatever Nicole had to say about her refusing to see Aden,

Belle stood up without a word and marched into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Belle”

She gulped as she turned to look at him, her heart beginning to pound against her chest. As he eyes met his he let out a long deep sigh, as the sheer relief he felt at finally seeing her before him was

released.

Neither spoke. They simply looked at each other, his eyes wandering frantically over every aspect of her being as though he was searching for confirmation that she was real. Finally he rose from his slouched position on the bed and walked towards her slowly.

“Belle” he repeated her name as he stopped mere centimetres from her and delicately ran his thumb and forefinger along her jaw.

She made no sound and gave no response as hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as though he wanted to absorb her, to feel her heart beat next to his own, to take every single breath with her, for her.

“I thought I’d lost you forever” he whispered into her hair as he gently brushed his lips against her temple and ran his fingers through her tresses. Completely still, her arms remained by her side, her body stiff and tense as she let him envelope her in his affection for several minutes before finally she raised her arms and pushed him away.

“I said I didn’t want to see you, I meant it” she refused to look him in the eye as the words crossed her lips.

“Belle” he looked at her pleadingly.

“You don’t mean that”

“Yes I do” she told him adamantly.

“Just go Aden please”

“No” he shook his head just as adamant as she was.

“I’m not going to let you push me away Belle Taylor”

“You don’t have a choice”

“Neither do you” he told her reaching out to take her hand in his. She slapped his hand away angrily.

“Don’t touch me!” She shouted, her voice loud and full of disdain.

“Just get out!” she screamed as the door flew open and Irene entered.

“What’s going on? Aden what are you doing here?”

“Just make him leave please Irene” Belle almost begged.

“I think you should go” Irene suggested delicately wrapping an arm around Belle’s shoulders as she did so.

“No” he shook his head once more.

“I’m not going until you tell me why Belle. What have I done that’s so terrible?”

“Nothing” she shook her head as she fought back tears and buried her head in Irene’s shoulder.

“Is it because I wasn’t there when you woke up?”

She shook her head against Irene’s shoulder.

“Tell me and I will do everything I can to make it right” he pleaded, placing a hand protectively on her back.

The second his hand touched her she whirled around to face him.

“You haven’t done anything! It was all me!” She screamed pushing him away from her with such force that he almost toppled onto the bed.

“I wished that my baby didn’t exist! So that I could be with you! I wanted you more than my baby and now my baby’s dead and it’s all my fault!”

Finally she began to sob, her body violently shaking partly from heartbreak and partly from relief that she was finally releasing all the anger and blame she had kept pent up inside since waking in the hospital.

“Belle, none of this is your fault” he reached out both arms to hold her but instantly recoiled as she screamed at him.

“Get out! Just get out! I can’t do this!”

Her whole body sunk into Irene’s comforting embrace as Aden began to protest.

“Just go love” Irene’s instruction was barely audible above the sobs emanating from Belle’s tiny frame but he followed them anyway knowing that arguing wouldn’t do any good.

He stepped slowly forward and placed a tender kiss on the top of Belle’s head as it rested on Irene’s shoulder.

“I love you” he whispered before doing what she wanted and walking away.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 18

As her tears finally subsided she pulled away from Irene and slumped onto the bed.

“Belle, none of this is your fault”

“I wished for my baby not to exist and now it doesn’t Irene” she sniffed, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.

“Belle, your pregnancy was ectopic from conception and there was nothing anyone could do to change that. Not you, not anyone. And certainly not Aden because from what you say he wasn’t even

around at the conception”

Irene looked at her suspiciously.

“Was he?”

“Of course he wasn’t!” Belle exclaimed.

“I’m not a skank. I’m just an idiot”

“You’re not an idiot love” Irene sighed, sitting down next to Belle and gently placing an arm around her.

“Unless you’re seriously going to push that boy of yours away for something neither of you can control”

“Irene, you don’t even like him! You were always on Team Angelo. In fact you were head cheerleader! ” Belle exclaimed, glaring at Irene accusingly.

“Well maybe I changed allegiances” Irene laughed.

“I always have been a bit of a glory supporter. No point in supporting someone who hasn’t got a chance of winning is there?”

Irene glanced at her knowingly.

“Because he never did have a chance of winning did he?”

Belle looked away, uncharacteristically timid, before finally responding.

“It wasn’t like he ever had a fair chance, his team wasn’t even playing in the same league” she continued with the analogy.

“Oh love” Irene gave her a gentle squeeze as Belle leant in and rested her head on Irene’s shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure Aden feels like he’s just been relegated”

“I don’t want to hurt him Irene, I just can’t deal with this now” she whispered as Irene ran her hand delicately over Belle’s smooth hair.

“Look, I know I’ve never had anything good to say about him in the past. But he wants to help you, he’s one of the good ones Belle and you’re going to kick yourself if you lose him”

“I swear” Belle looked up at her, grimacing.

“If the next words out of your mouth are “if I was twenty years younger”, I will vomit”

Irene threw back her head and chuckled.

“Please!” she exclaimed.

“Ten years younger thank you girly, ten years younger” she nudged Belle’s body playfully with her shoulder.

“Eugh” Belle shuddered but allowed a small smile to grace her lips as she did so.

“Seriously Belle you need to talk someone about what’s going on in that head of yours”

“I don’t want that Irene. I can work this out myself, I just need time” Belle protested as her gaze fell upon a square box wrapped in bright red paper, abandoned further up the bed. She reached out and

grasped it, turning it over and over in her hand repeatedly. The wrapping wasn’t perfect but had clearly been done with care and affection.

“Aden” she sighed dramatically.

“Well it is Christmas” Irene reminded her.

“I didn’t get him anything”

“I think seeing you safe was all he wanted. Although telling him to get lost was probably the equivalent of giving him a lump of coal”

“Well isn’t coal what bad boys are meant to get for Christmas?”

“Belle he-“

“Yes, I know!” she sighed again, her attention falling back on the box she clutched tightly.

“Are you going to open that?”

“I guess” she replied, cautiously tearing the wrapping to start with but quickly becoming frustrated and yanking the rest off in one go. Hesitantly she lifted the lid bearing a logo she recognised as being that of an expensive jeweller’s in Yabbie Creek.

Slowly she lifted the silver bracelet from where it nestled inside the box, resting the cold metal against the back of her hand as she examined the two charms attached. Scrutinising them carefully she

realised that separately they were the letters A and B but they had somehow been entwined so that it was hardly visible to the naked eye where one ended and the other began.

“Maybe he’s trying to tell you something” Irene raised her eyebrows towards Belle expectantly.

“Maybe that’s part of the problem” she replied as she traced the outline of their linked initials slowly with her fingertips.

“Maybe I’ve spent so long being part of Aden and Belle, Belle and Aden, Belle and Angelo, Angelo and Belle that I don’t know how to just be Belle anymore. I need time Irene, to be me again”

“If that’s how you feel love then by all means take the time you need but at least explain this all to him first”

Belle didn’t respond, instead placing the bracelet back into the velvet lined box and securing the lid tightly.

“What does that say?” Irene gestured towards the tag still attached to the wrapping paper now strewn on the floor. Belle cautiously bent down to retrieve it, one side still tender after her recent surgery.

She examined the card carefully before supposedly reading aloud.

“To Irene, Merry Christmas. If only I was 20 years older! Love Aden kiss kiss kiss”

“Oiy! Cheeky!” Irene exclaimed as they both burst into laughter and she playfully gave Belle a clip around the head.

***

“Look Martha,” Belle sighed as she placed a boiling cup of tea on the table in front of her friend.

“I’m grateful for you coming to see me, honestly I am. But I know for a fact that Irene asked you to so let’s just get it over with. Say what you’ve got to say”

“Well,” Martha hesitated, cradling the warm mug in her hands.

“Irene did ask me to talk to you, I admit it”

“I knew it” Belle nodded sinking into the chair next to Martha.

“She’s worried about you and I guess out of everyone I’m probably the only one who can sort of understand”

“With all due respect Martha you don’t have a clue how I’m feeling” she told her, slightly annoyed.

“You’re wrong. Maybe I don’t know exactly how you feel but I’ve got an idea Belle. I lost my baby too”

“That wasn’t the same” she shook her head regretfully.

“We both lost our babies. Babies we were having with men other than the ones we were in love with” Martha replied matter of factly.

“But you wanted your baby Martha, you refused life saving medical treatment to give your baby the best chance of survival and all I did was wish my baby didn’t exist. Just so I could get back together

with Aden without feeling guilty”

“No matter what you might have wished fleetingly, you losing your baby was not your fault”

“How do you know that? What if god or whoever or whatever is controlling the grand scheme of things suddenly thought you know what? Belle’s had a pretty hard time of it lately let’s grant her this one

wish?”

“It’s not your fault” Martha repeated adamantly.

Belle sighed and buried her head in her hands.

“I never really experienced being pregnant. I never saw a scan and I never felt my baby kick or move inside of me but suddenly I feel empty Martha. How can I miss something I never really felt there

in the first place?”

“It’s natural Belle. You may have wished for things to be different but you committed yourself to having that baby. You cared no matter how much you think you should blame yourself. The baby was

your child and it’s natural to grieve”

“So that’s what this is? Grief?” she asked doubtfully as Martha reached out and squeezed her hand with her own.

“Yes that’s exactly what it is” Martha nodded sensitively before continuing.

“Did you have a name for the baby? It helped me to give Lindsay a name, it made me feel like she was real, recognised in this world, even if I never got the chance to meet her”

“I don’t even know if my baby was a boy or a girl” she shrugged, swirling the liquid around in her mug, first clockwise then anti clockwise.

“Well, you could choose a unisex name? Or I guess...well I always had an inkling that Lindsay was a girl long before I ever knew she really was. Did you have any idea?”

“I thought my baby was a girl but now I’m not so sure whether that was a mother’s instinct or just determination that my baby was not going to be called Angelo!”

Martha laughed.

“You just called yourself a mother” she pointed out as their laughter subsided.

“Yeah, I guess I did” Belle nodded, running her fingertips around the rim of the mug she was clutching. Martha didn’t speak for a while, allowing Belle’s sudden realisation to sink in.

“So, your baby was a girl. Did you have a name?”

“Brooke” she replied instantly without thinking, only realising exactly where the name had come from after the two syllables had flowed out of her mouth.

“Brooke” Martha repeated as if she was considering the name as she rolled the vowels around on her tongue.

“I like it, it’s pretty” she nodded.

“Aden chose it” Belle admitted, her head bowed as she refused to meet Martha’s gaze.

“Speaking of Aden, I take it you haven’t spoken to him lately?”

“How did you know that?”

“I saw him this morning at the gym, taking his frustration out on a punch bag. Boyyy he must have been frustrated”

“I know I should talk to him. I just can’t bring myself to do it” she admitted finally looking Martha in the eye.

“And the longer I leave it, the worse it gets. But the worse I feel, the longer I leave it”

***

“What’s going on?” Irene asked suspiciously as she walked down the driveway to find Belle loading bags into the boot of her car.

“Irene, hi!” she replied slightly flustered, her cheeks suddenly blushing crimson.

“I left you a note inside. I’m going to stay with Amanda for a while”

“Amanda?” Irene scoffed in disbelief.

“Yes Amanda. You know, my mother?”

“I know that, the question is does she?” Irene raised her eyebrows.

“Irene, she’s explained all that” Belle immediately jumped to Amanda’s defence.

“Care to enlighten me then? Because for the life of my I can’t imagine why a mother wouldn’t come running when they get a call saying their child is dying”

“Look Irene she was scared”

“So was I, so was Aden. That didn’t stop us being there did it?” Irene wasn’t backing down.

“I’m not saying it’s an excuse but she lost me once before. She spent a long time thinking I was dead and she couldn’t deal with that again. I get that. I’m not going to blame her. She’s my mother. She

may not be perfect but she’s my mother Irene”

“You are really going to the City aren’t you? I mean this isn’t some sort of code? You’re not holding Angelo hostage this time?”

“Irene, that’s not even funny!” she scolded as she slammed the boot shut.

“And have you told Aden you’re going?”

Belle avoided Irene’s eyes and walked around front of the car.

“Belle! You can’t just go without at least talking to the poor boy”

“I can’t Irene” she sighed.

“Look, just tell him...just tell him...” she struggled to find the words as Irene raised her head and her gaze landed behind Belle.

“Tell him yourself” she nodded in his direction and turned before retreating into the house.

“You’re leaving” he stated solemnly as she rotated her body towards his.

“Yeah” she nodded unable to muster the courage to meet his gaze.

“I’m going to stay with Amanda for a while. And just to clarify by that I really do mean I’m going to the City so don’t expect me to turn up and slip your house keys in my bra again”

“Shame” he grinned slightly despite the pain that was soaring through him.

“You weren’t even going to tell me you were going?”

Finally she raised her head to look into his piercing eyes. A flash of sorrow shot across them as she did so.

“I’m sorry. I just need time Aden. I need to just work out who I am and how I feel and I can’t do that here. I just need to get away”

“For how long Belle? A few days”

She looked away again.

“Weeks?”

Still nothing.

“Months?” he asked incredulously.

“I don’t know” she shook her head.

“When we were at Larry’s you said you wouldn’t be another person smothering me and I need you to honour that promise”

“Belle, there’s a difference between not smothering you and never knowing when...”he gulped before continuing.

“If I’m going to see you again.”

Slowly she walked towards him until the tiniest distance separated their aching bodies.

She raised her body until she stood on tip toes and pressed the most tender of kisses against his red lips, placing a tiny object in his hand as she did so. Before he could respond she wrapped his hand around the cold item in his palm and fell back onto the balls of her feet.

Without a word she climbed into the car and drove away.

As her car became nothing more than a speck on the horizon he gradually unfolded his palm to find a tiny charm lying against his warm skin. Somehow torn from its counterpart, a silver letter B rested

in his hand.

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 19

The lunchtime rush had finally died down. Irene cautiously stacked the plates and cutlery abandoned on the table before her and heaved them onto the tray she was clutching. Her feet sore and aching, she took the opportunity to slip a foot out of her shoe and flex it around a little whilst resting the tray on the table. Eventually she pushed her foot back into the flat leather shoe and headed towards the kitchen, catching a quick glimpse of yet another customer in the corner of her eye.

“I’ll be with you in a minute” she called out without looking back and sighed in exhaustion as she entered the kitchen.

“That’s ok, I’m in no rush” a familiar voice called back as Irene began to stack the dishwasher. They tray was almost empty, and the dishwasher full, before she realised exactly why the voice was so familiar. Instantly she abandoned the open dishwasher and almost ran back into The Diner.

“Belle!” she exclaimed, flinging her arms around the young girl sat at the counter.

“Irene! I can’t breathe!” Belle struggled to get out her words, the force and pressure of the hug having knocked the wind out of her.

“Ooops sorry love” Irene laughed as she pulled away.

“It’s just so good to see you again girly” she told her, tenderly tapping Belle’s cheek with her fingertips as she did so.

“It’s been a long time”

“Yeah. I know” Belle nodded solemnly.

“When did you get back?”

“A few hours ago, I’ve been unpacking everything in my room” she replied and instantly regretted it. It had been so long, what if she wasn’t welcome at Irene’s anymore? She should have at least asked before making herself at home again.

“That is ok isn’t it? I mean if it’s not just say I won’t be offended” she gulped.

“Why wouldn’t it be ok?”

“It’s been six months Irene and I was barely in contact at all” she looked down at her hands and twiddled her fingers idly as she tried to forget the few times she’d purposely phoned knowing no one

would be home so she could leave a brief and non descript message on the answer phone.

“You called” Irene shrugged trying to camouflage the hurt that momentarily flashed across her face before she could mask it.

“You left messages”

“Yeah” Belle shrugged.

“Hi, it’s Belle. I’m alive. Hope you are too” she mocked herself, her tone brimming with disdain.

Irene laughed which didn’t make Belle feel any better. She wrapped her arms around her body as though she was trying to shield herself from the guilt.

“They weren’t that bad. And any contact was better than no contact at all love”

“I’m sorry Irene” she offered a genuine apology.

“Belle, you needed time. We knew that. Ok so maybe we didn’t think you would need so much time but as long as you’re ok, as long as it helped then you have nothing to apologise for. Not to me

anyway”

Belle flinched instantly understanding the meaning of Irene’s words. She pushed the thoughts as far away as she could but they still lingered, unspoken as Irene smiled at her in a vain attempt at

comfort.

“It did help didn’t it?” Irene asked tenderly, looking Belle up and down before placing a gentle hand under her chin and lifting her head so she could look directly into her eyes.

“I mean you look...” she searched for the right word. Happy wasn’t it.

“Content” she finally concluded with a nod, as she let her hand drop.

“I am” Belle nodded in response.

“It helped. It really did Irene”

“I’m glad love. Real glad. So, if you’ve unpacked does that mean you’re back for good?” Irene looked at her hopefully.

“If I’m welcome?” she looked back at her expectantly.

“I mean it didn’t look like my room had become anyone else’s room whilst I was away but you never know”

“Belle, you’re always welcome you should know that. It’s your home, it always will be” the older woman smiled warmly.

“Thanks Irene, it means a lot to me. It really does. As nice as it was spending some time with Amanda boy she sure does drive me crazy every few minutes”

Belle laughed before she paused to accept the steaming coffee Irene had poured for her, letting the liquid trickle down her throat as she took a long, satisfying gulp.

“And Ryan may be my brother but he seems to have reached the moody stage lately. Although by the look of Geoff when I saw him earlier, it seems I may have swapped one moody brother for

another”

“Ahh” Irene nodded knowingly.

“Got his grumpy face on again has he?”

“Again? You mean this is a regular occurrence? Look I know you guys must have missed me but I didn’t expect temper tantrums” she joked playfully.

“He’s only got himself to blame. Walking around as if the whole world’s against him. It’s not our fault Nicole broke up with him”

“Ahhh that explains the face” Belle chuckled feeling only a tinge of guilt that she wasn’t sympathetic towards Geoff’s heartbreak.

“Not really” Irene shook her head.

“She wouldn’t have broken up with him if she hadn’t found him with Melody”

“Ah I see, that love triangle still thriving is it?”

“No I don’t think you do see love. She found him with Melody”

“Oh!” Belle exclaimed as Irene’s meaning hit her.

“What?” she laughed, struggling to let it sink in.

“Did someone give Geoff a lobotomy whilst I was away?!”

“Don’t tempt me!” Roman exclaimed as he entered The Diner, slipping behind the counter and helping himself to a hot mug of coffee.

“Nicole doesn’t do heartbroken well. She’s driving me insane!”

“That bad?” Irene enquired sympathetically.

“Worse!” he allowed a small laugh to escape his large frame as the identity of the girl before him finally seemed to register.

“So you’re back” he nodded towards her.

“Yeah” she nodded sheepishly.

“Look, if you’re wanting your job back then I’m sorry we got someone else in. You were away a while and we didn’t know when you were going to come back”

“No no, that ok. I’ve got some freelance work with a photography firm that should be enough to keep me going for now” she told him apologetically as though she had somehow suggested that she had

expected everyone else to sit around waiting for her rather than get on with their lives.

Silently she wondered if one person had done just that.

“Good” Roman replied genuinely, his tense stance towards her softening a little.

“No offense Belle. I just don’t think it would work, you and Aden working together again”

Her heart quickened at the sound of his name and she was sure her stomach flipped.

“He’s still working here then?” she tried to sound uninterested.

“Yeah, he does a few shifts around his uni commitments. He needs the cash”

“Uni?”

A small smile played on her lips.

“He passed the HSC then?”

“He aced it” Roman replied a hint of pride apparent in his wide smile.

“That’s great” she smiled back before looking down and biting her lip anxiously.

“How is he?” she enquired sheepishly.

“He’s good” Roman nodded clearly unwilling to divulge any further information.

“That’s good” she nodded back, sliding off the stool she was perched on and grabbing her bag from the floor.

“Well I should go. Things to do, people to see and all that” she smiled.

“Well, it’s good to have you back love” Irene smiled genuinely.

“Will you be home for dinner? It’d be nice to have everyone around the table together again”

“You’re right. That would be nice, I wouldn’t miss it” she grinned before waving idly and leaving The Diner.

A shrill beep from her pocket alerted her to the fact that she had a text and she retrieved her phone to find a message from Amanda already wanting to know when she was planning to visit again. She began to punch in a reply and became so caught up in trying to find a way to say “No time soon” nicely that all thoughts of navigating her path eluded her until she banged into an incoming obstacle with an almighty thump.

“OW!” the obstacle cried out melodramatically, causing Belle to cringe as she automatically realised just who it was that she had barged into.

“Sorry! That was completely my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going” she apologised as she absorbed every detail of the girl before her.

For someone who didn’t do heartbreak very well she looked amazing. Stunning even. Her make-up was done to perfection, her hair styled beautifully and her fashionable attire was immaculate. Belle

wondered inwardly if her flawless appearance was a mask to hide her pain from the world.

“You’re back” the blonde spat at her, her voice brimming with fury.

“You’re...observant” Belle mocked suddenly feeling less sympathetic.

“Funny” Nicole replied looking her up and down with disdain.

“I see you haven’t changed”

“Neither have you. So why don’t you toddle off before 1999 catches up with you wanting its outfit back?” Nicole sniped.

Belle bit back a snide comment seeing an opportunity to finally get the information she craved and knowing further sniping would only alienate her more from Nicole.

“Nicole, I –“

“Save your breath Belle” the school girl interrupted callously.

“I don’t have the time and I definitely don’t have the inclination to talk to you” She announced storming past Belle and banging into her shoulder as she did so.

The brunette instantly raised her hand to her shoulder and rubbed gently as she watched Nicole stomp away. Sighing she turned and continued towards her destination only for the familiar voice to

pierce her eardrums once more.

“Wait! Belle wait!” she bellowed.

Belle pretended not to hear and continued on her way.

“Belle!” Nicole speeded up and within a few minutes she was stood in front of Belle once more.

“I changed my mind I do want to talk to you” She announced as she came to a stop.

“I don’t know what you’re doing back here. Whether it’s for good or for a week or for ten minutes but I do know what it has the potential to do to Aden and I don’t like it one bit”

“Nicole I’m not go-“

“Yeah, yeah that’s what you said last time” she interrupted.

“It’s been six months Belle! Six months without so much a postcard. And you don’t have a clue Belle, what it was like watching him pine over you, having to put up with his moods and his anger none of

which should have been directed at anyone but you by the way.”

“I di-“ Belle began to speak but Nicole refused to allow it, raising her volume and talking over her so Belle backed down.

“He was a mess, he was like the Aden we all knew before we knew the real Aden. Back to being a bad boy and not giving a damn what anyone else thought. But in time it got better. He’s moving on.

He’s even taking a date to the summer ball this weekend. Her name’s Gracie, I don’t know if you’ve met her yet. She moved here after you left, she’s blonde and beautiful. She does modelling to pay

her way through uni”

“Nicole” Belle half pleaded not really wanting to hear this anymore.

“She’s pretty damn amazing. I mean if I wasn’t straight even I would! But despite that I know that all you have to do is snap your fingers and he’ll drop her like a ton of bricks”

Belle’s heart was thumping rapidly against the wall of her chest. She gulped as relief and fear flowed through her at the same time.

“So all I ask is that you actually start giving a damn and considerhis feelings this time. And if you are back here for him then tell him now before he really moves on. Because if you let him get on with his life and then in another six months or a year or however long it takes you to realise how freaking amazing he is, you suddenly decide you want him again and you mess him up like the last time then I swear I will make your life hell”

Belle didn’t doubt for one second that Nicole could make her life hell if she wanted to. She was touched by how much Nicole clearly cared for Aden and it eased her guilt a little to know that even though she had hurt him someone had been there to help him through it.

“I never meant to hurt him” she almost whispered.

“I know that’s no excuse but I honestly didn’t. And the fact that I did hurts me more than you could ever know Nicole” she paused and took a deep breath before continuing.

“But I came back here for me. Because I belong here with my family. Ok they might not be biologically mine but they are the family that fate gave me and I’m not giving them up that easily. And I’m glad Aden has that too. That he’s got you, Roman and Morag. I never wanted to hurt him and I certainly haven’t come back to do it again. I’m happy things are working out for him and I won’t interfere.

I didn’t come back for him Nicole”

“Well, just as long as we’ve got that sorted” Nicole nodded and as she turned and walked away.

Belle bit back the tears threatening to break free and shouted after her.

"Nicole!"

The blonde spun around to face her without a word.

"Just for the record, Geoff's an idiot" she told her.

A small smile spread across Nicole's face as she spoke.

"Just for the record Belle, so are you"

[Louise_2983]

Chapter 20.

Rachel looked adoringly at her bundles of joy, wrapped up warm and sound asleep in their double cot.

“This is Amy” she whispered desperate not to wake either child up. Being a new mother was exhausting, especially when you had twins to manage.

“And this is Thomas” she pointed to Amy’s brother with her little finger.

“Rach, they are gorgeous” Belle whispered back not wanting to be the one responsible for waking them and ending Rachel’s much needed rest.

Rachel strolled into the kitchen and placed the blue and pink teddy bears which Belle had brought with her on the counter before pouring two glasses of orange juice. Belle remained where she was for a

few more minutes, gazing in awe at the two adorable children before her, before eventually joining Rachel in the kitchen.

“So how is motherhood treating you?” she enquired as she sat down at the table and cradled the cold glass in her hands.

“Good, it’s... amazing” Rachel beamed with happiness.

“But let’s not talk about me. How are you Belle? It’s been a really long time”

“Yeah, it has. And I know it must seem odd me coming round here like this. I mean it’s not like I was ever a regular visitor before, not after Mattie moved out”

“Belle, you’re welcome to visit any time you want to” Rachel assured her, her warm and genuine smile comforting Belle.

She knew in that moment that she had made the right decision coming back to Summer Bay. Irene, Geoff and Anne may have been the people she had been referring to as family earlier but she

realised now that in reality most of the Bay were like one big extended family.

“I was just worried. That I’d randomly see you in the street with Amy and Thomas and that I’d freak out” she explained before pausing to take a small of juice.

“I realise that was stupid now. For the past six months I’ve seen women in the street with babies every day and not really had any sort of reaction at all”

“It’s not stupid Belle. I was pregnant at the same time you were and your baby would have been due round about now right?”

“Next week” Belle nodded.

“It’s weird to think that if things had been different I would have a child to look after round about now. No doubt I would have been ten times more stressed than you, even though I only had one baby to

deal with. And Angelo would have been driving me insane!” she chuckled.

“Do you really think you would have stayed with Angelo that long?” Rachel looked at her doubtfully before realising with she’d said.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That is none of my business”

“It’s ok Rachel” Belle smiled reassuringly.

“I honestly don’t know what would have happened. Angelo was never the one for me but he was my baby’s father”

“You do know he’s still around right? He’s dating Leah now” Rachel divulged this information in a sensitive tone.

“I know” Belle nodded.

“I actually spoke to him a few times whilst I was away”

Rachel raised her eyebrows as shock flashed across her face. Belle couldn’t help but laugh at the reaction.

“Sorry. None of my business again. I was just under the impression you hadn’t spoken to anyone”

“It wasn’t what you’re thinking” Belle shook her head slowly.

“Don’t worry I’m not back to steal him from Leah. I’m happy for them” Belle paused as she noticed the shock on Rachel’s face dissolve into relief.

“It wasn’t like I missed him and was desperate to hear his voice or anything like that it was just something my counsellor suggested”

“You went to see a counsellor?” Rachel looked more shocked at this than she did at Belle’s earlier revelation.

“I know” Belle laughed.

“And I owe you an apology because you were right. I did need to speak to someone. Someone not involved in all of my mess. It just took me a lot of pain and self blame and someone to sit me down

and give me a good talking to before I would actually go”

“Amanda managed to convince you to speak to someone?!” Rachel laughed incredulously.

“No of course not! She just gave me her credit card and prescribed retail therapy to help me forget” Belle giggled. Amanda meant well and it had helped Belle to have her around and keep her grounded

but when it came to the deep, emotional matters Belle still didn’t really feel able to totally go there with her.

“It was Drew actually” she explained.

“We were close for a long time and he really knows me. I tried to hide the fact that I was breaking down inside but he saw through it and then we had a big slanging match, just like old times you know?”

she laughed to herself as she remembered the many fights she and Drew had gotten into in the past.

“The next thing I knew I was sat in a counsellor’s office spilling my guts out. It was the last place I would ever have expected myself to be and at first it was terrible. I hated it. Talking to a stranger

about things that were tearing me apart inside, about people I missed so much sometimes I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It felt so wrong. But then the things she was saying started to make sense and

when I went home and thought about things in my head and tried to process them it actually started to work”

“I’m glad” Rachel smiled genuinely.

“Once I could accept that it wasn’t my fault that was when my grieving really started. I may not have always wanted to be pregnant but I lost a child no matter what I thought and I needed to grieve for

my baby. And that’s why I contacted Angelo. Because my baby was his baby too and he was the only person who knew what I was really going through. It helped to know that he was feeling the same

emotions too and that he was moving on with his life and I didn’t have to feel guilty if I did the same”

“Moving on doesn’t mean you care any less or that you’ve forgotten Belle, it’s just a natural part of the process” Rachel reassured her.

“I know” Belle nodded confidently.

“And that’s why I’m back. I feel like I’ve been in some sort of limbo for months but now it’s time for my life to start again”

***

Aden tried to concentrate on the textbook on the table before him but struggled as Nicole fussed around him. She’d already made him a sandwich and then brought him a drink and now she was trying to organise his highlighters in alphabetical order by colour.

“Nicole!” he exclaimed, his short fuse finally giving way.

“I’m just trying to help!” the blonde automatically jumped to her own defence.

“OK, what have you done?” he raised an eyebrow in her direction.

“Nothing!” She exclaimed.

“Can’t a girl do something nice without being guilty?”

“Nicole!” His eyebrows were still raised.

“Ok! Ok! I might have something to tell you” she cringed.

“Go on”

“Well I...I...” she struggled to form a sentence.

“You think I’m amazing, yeah I heard” he grinned sneakily.

“What?!” She looked confused.

“Oh sorry, yeah I got that wrong didn’t I? It wasn’t amazing it was freaking amazing”

The meaning of his words finally dawned on Nicole.

“So you’ve seen her” she sulked.

“If by her you mean Belle then yes I’ve seen her”

“And I guess she told you what I said”

“Yep, you think I’m amazing” he laughed, poking her in the rib.

“Get off!! So I might have mentioned thinking you were slightly nicer than the average guy but that wasn’t all I said”

“You called her an idiot, that was all she would tell me”

“Seriously? She didn’t tell you anything else I said?”

“What did you say?” he looked at her suspiciously.

“It wasn’t so much what I said, it was more how I said it” she shrugged guiltily.

“I may have said things before I put my brain into gear. I tend to struggle with that. I need to remember mirror, signal AND then manoeuvre. Fat chance though most of the time I don’t even remember

to fasten my seatbelt!”

“Erm right” Aden sighed, no longer having a clue what she was rambling about.

“Look Nicole I have no idea what you said to Belle. She won’t tell me and I’m guessing you won’t either. But just stay out of it ok? It’s not your place to interfere. This is between me and Belle”

“I know, I’m sorry and I’ll apologise to her” she winced at the word apologise.

“It’s just I care about you”

“I know” he laughed cheekily before he started tickling her.

“You so think I’m amazing!”

She stood in front of the door and hesitated. She could do this. She had to do this. The Bay was a very small place and if she didn’t do this now no doubt she would bump into him at the most inconvenient time and with half the town’s population watching. She didn’t want him to have to struggle to form his reaction to her being back in front of an audience. She knew how difficult he found it to open up in front of other people, she didn’t want to put him through anything more than was absolutely necessary.

Quickly she raised her clenched fist and lightly knocked on the door.

She heard his footsteps approaching and took a deep breath just as he swung open the door.

She saw him gulp in shock as her identity registered in his brain. His eyes wandered up and down her body and back again as they stood in silence staring at each other. Finally his eyes settled their gaze on her own and she bit her lip in anticipation of what he was going to say. But still he didn’t speak, letting an uncomfortable silence linger between them.

“Say something please” she finally broke the silence.

“I’m still trying to figure out whether this is real or not” he replied, not taking his eyes from her face.

She reached out a hand and pinched his bare forearm.

“Ow!” he winced, his eyes widening in shock.

“It’s real” she told him gently.

“Can I come in?”

“Course” he stepped aside, shaking his head. Still dazed and finding it hard to believe her presence as he closed the front door and turned to face her.

“So you’re back”

“Yeah” she nodded taking the time to absorb every detail about him. Whatever had happened in the past six months hadn’t changed him. He still looked like her Aden and a sudden urge to embrace him shot through her. She resisted.

“And for good in case you’re wondering. I wanted you to hear it from me and not from a friend of a friend of a friend who heard it from Colleen” she smirked.

“Thanks” he smiled appearing genuinely grateful for her consideration as he stepped closer towards her and looked at her intently again.

“How are you?” His question brimmed with sincere concern that warmed her heart and made it beat just a fraction faster.

“I’m good...better” she smiled up at him.

“I had a lot of things to work out but time and space really helped”

“That’s good, I’m glad you worked things out” he returned her smile and she had to look away, his sincerity overwhelming her. After Nicole’s outburst she had expected anger from him but he was calm

and collected and she found it slightly unsettling.

“I’m sorry Aden” she told him honestly.

“Belle you don’t have anything to be sorry for”

“Yes I do. I left because I needed time and space away from the Bay and everyone and everything in it. And don’t misunderstand me I make no apology for that. The fact that it helped so much shows I

was right to put myself first for once”

She looked up at him not sure what reaction to expect but he was simply looking at her like he still cared and she didn’t know how to handle that. It wasn’t what she had expected.

“I know I was away for a long time without a word but I needed to do that. I didn’t forget about my life here but I had to distance myself from it so I could work through all the blame and grief and problems twisting me up inside.”

She held his gaze intently before continuing.

“There are people here that I love and care about so much that I spent so much time thinking about them that a lot of the time I forgot to stop and think about myself. I made some really bad decisions and my life got to the point where it was spiralling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I don’t apologise for being completely selfish and leaving like I did but I do have to apologise for the decisions I made that got me to that point in the first place”

“Was I one of those decisions?” he asked hesitantly.

“Being with me?” he questioned so quietly it was almost inaudible.

“No!” she exclaimed reaching out and taking his hand gently in her own. To her surprise, he let her.

“No Aden. No. I made a lot of stupid decisions that I didn’t really think through but being with you was not one of them”

Delicately she brushed her thumb over his knuckles.

“There were things in our relationship I could have done differently. Skipping the whole Angelo part for a start” she let out a breathy laugh.

“There were so many times I could and should have ended things with him and I didn’t I just hid my head in the sand. And we could have taken things slower, worked through things more. But being

with you is never something I will regret”

“I missed you” she squeezed his hand gently.

“I missed you too” he replied, slipping his fingers in between hers and squeezing back.

“There were times it almost killed me not to be able to talk to you, to touch you or to even just to look at you. But I had to stop. I had to simplify things in my life before I could simplify anything going

on in my head”

“Just so you know” he aimed a small, uneven smile in her direction.

“Whatever anyone, whatever Colleen, tells you about what I was like when you left I don’t blame you. I didn’t need an apology. But for whatever part I played in all of this I’m sorry too”

Unable to resist the urge any longer she dropped his hand and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Resting her head on his shoulder, as he tightened his arms around her and pulled her closer, she inhaled his scent and sighed comforted by its familiarity.

“And just so you know” she laughed against his shoulder.

“Nicole’s already enlightened me. Colleen’s got a rival there”

He pulled back a little, his arms still around her, so he could look into her eyes.

“What did she say?”

“Oh not much really” Belle attempted to shrug it off.

“Seriously Belle, what did she say? I need to know when I’m shouting at her for it later”

“Don’t shout at her. She cares about you”

“That’s no excuse. What did she say?” he persisted and Belle laughed wondering if he really did want to shout at her or if just wanted to hear about how much Nicole loved him.

“She just called me an idiot. And she might have said you were amazing at some point” she grinned.

“Amazing huh?” he smirked satisfied.

“I think her actual words were freaking amazing” Belle laughed knowing Nicole would never hear the end of it.

“But seriously Aden. Don’t fight with her about it. It’s between me and her. If anyone is going to shout at her it’ll be me”

“It’s not her place to interfere. Can’t I just shout a little bit?”

“No” she shook her head laughing.

“Seriously just knowing that you know she said you were amazing will be torture enough”

“Freaking amazing wasn’t it?” he laughed raising his eyebrow in her direction.

“Something like that” she giggled reluctantly pulling away from him.

“I should go” she told him as her eyes fell upon the uni text books strewn across the table.

“Roman told me about the HSC, congratulations” she smiled genuinely.

“Thanks” he grinned.

“I still can’t quite believe it”

“I’m proud of you” she told him honestly.

“Thanks” he nodded suddenly solemn.

“But it’s not really your place to be proud of me anymore is it?”

She felt her stomach plummet as though she’d just hit a huge drop on a rollercoaster ride.

“No I guess not” she shook her head and bowed it slightly, avoiding his eyes.

“I met Gracie earlier in The Diner” she told him thinking back to the beautiful blonde woman she’d met less than an hour before. Nicole had been right. She was absolutely stunning. And as much as

Belle wanted to dislike her, she’d seemed friendly and genuinely lovely.

“She seems nice, I’m happy for you”

“She is nice. But we’re not serious. We’ve been to the movies a few times that’s all”

“Word on the grapevine is you’re taking her to the summer ball”

“Colleen?” he laughed.

“Nicole” she corrected laughing with him.

“Yes well the grapevine’s right for once. We are going to the ball together. Are you going?”

“Ah no, I only just got back and it’s tomorrow so no time to get a dress or anything so I think I’ll just give it a miss” she rambled.

“Anyway I should really go”

“Belle?” he called after her as she reached the front door. She turned to find him directly behind her, his arm resting on the now open door.

“Yes?” she gulped as she looked up into his blue eyes hovering just above hers.

“Nothing” he backtracked, moving away from her once more.

“I guess I’ll see you around”

“Yeah, I guess you will” she replied before turning and walking away, her whole body surging with an overwhelming sense of disappointment as she did so.

***

“So are you going to tell me about Melody?” Belle delicately asked Geoff as they began to clear the table after dinner. Irene had gone to sit for Ollie and Annie was out somewhere with Jai so she finally had an opportunity to talk to him alone.

“Why would I?”

“Well I just thought you might want to talk about it given that it’s clearly bothering you”

“And you expect me to tell you about it so you can judge me like everyone else?”

“Geoff I’m trying not to judge you” she told him as she carried a pile of plates into the kitchen and carefully placed them into the sink.

“But what happened? When I left you were smitten with Nicole and you wouldn’t even sleep with her let alone Melody”

“Have you changed since you left? Or are you still exactly the same person?”

“Well I’ve changed in some ways I guess” she admitted.

“Exactly” Geoff looked at her accusingly.

“So in six months you’ve changed so much that you’ve completely abandoned the beliefs you’ve had your whole life?” she looked back at him suspiciously. His glare crumbled.

“Look I didn’t sleep with Melody alright?!” he exclaimed dumping the cutlery he was carrying into the sink with an almighty clatter.

“What?! But Irene said th-“

“Well if Irene would actually hear me out, if anyone would actually hear me out then maybe they’d know what really happened!” he cried out in frustration.

“I’ll hear you out” she looked at him expectantly.

“Ok” he nodded.

“Just don’t judge me for being stupid ok?”

“Ok” she nodded back.

“Melody had a row with Miles and Kirsty and she turned up here with Annie. Irene said she could spend the night here, in your room. And I honestly thought that would be cool she seemed to have really

backed off and accepted that I was with Nicole. She barely spoke to me all night, she was just hanging out with Annie”

“So what happened?”

“Well I woke up the next morning to find her climbing half naked into my bed and when I tried to object she started kissing me.”

“And you didn’t push her away”

“I tried but before I could Nicole walked in!”

“And reacted before you could say anything right?”

“No actually she just stood there not saying anything”

“Nicole, speechless?” Belle laughed.

“Now that I would like to see!”

“I should have pushed Melody away and explained to Nicole there and then but I just froze and I couldn’t do anything. And now she won’t listen to me and the only time she looks my way is to hurl

insults at me”

Belle looked up from the washing up just in time to see a flash of blonde hair pass the kitchen window. She took her hands out of the sink and quickly wiped away the bubbles resting on them.

“I’ll give you guys some space” she told them as Nicole entered the kitchen.

“Actually it wasn’t him I came to see it was you” Nicole announced aiming a feeble smile at Belle before glaring menacingly at Geoff.

“Me?” Belle asked slightly shocked.

“Yeah. Why would I want to talk to that cuckolder anyway?” Nicole replied as Geoff barged into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Cuckolder?” Belle repeated not able to suppress a laugh from escaping.

“Yeah. I’m running out of insults ok, I had to look it up in the dictionary”

Belle let out another chuckle.

“I’m not here to talk about him anyway” she announced clearly annoyed by Belle’s amusement.

“Nicole if you’re here to have another go at me then save your breath” Belle commanded. Annoyance at Nicole’s outburst earlier in the day had been building up inside her all day and if Nicole was here

for a fight she definitely had no chance of winning.

“I’m not”

“Good because however much you care about Aden what happens between me and him is none of you god damn business!”

“Well I disagree. When it affects him the way it does and it’s me and Roman and Morag who have to pick up the pieces then it is our business. And I meant every word of what I said. I just shouldn’t

have said it the way I did”

She shifted uncomfortably, clearly struggling to form her next sentence.

“I’m sorry Belle. For going off on one the way I did. I know it’s no excuse but I really care about him and when I saw you the past six months came flooding back and I just couldn’t bear to see him go through all that again. But I should never have shouted and I should have let you get a word in edge ways. I have no idea what you’ve been through but I know how my Dad was when Martha lost Lindsay and he wasn’t even the one who carried her inside him. I can’t imagine how much you must have been hurting”

“I was” Belle nodded.

“It hurt so much that I don’t even think there’s a word that could describe it. I was confused and I was a mess and for once I had to put myself first. And that meant cutting Aden out because I loved him so much that I was carrying around all his problems as well as my own. I couldn’t even begin to sort out my own problems whilst I was still doing that. He held me hostage and the only person I was worried about was him for goodness sake!”

“Past tense?” Nicole interrupted.

“What?!”

“You said loved. Past tense?”

“I don’t think that really matters in this conversation Nicole”

“I guess not” the blonde shrugged.

“I couldn’t just cut him out, I physically had to move away from him to stop myself being near him. You have no idea how hard it was Nicole, how much it hurt. I picked up the phone a million times and started dialling his number but I knew I couldn’t hear his voice without wanting to rush back here and without worrying about him and what all this was doing to him”

Belle paused and looked Nicole directly in the eye her expression full of determination.

“You said you were standing by what you said and if you really meant it then you should and I respect that but there’s something you should know. Certain people, you especially, have a real talent for making me feel responsible for Aden. Like everything he ever does, every word he speaks and every reaction he has are all because of me. Aden’s his own person, he existed a long time before he met me. I didn’t create him, I don’t control him and I certainly don’t owe him anything.”

“I’m sorry” Nicole gulped.

“I didn’t realise I did that but I can see why I would. For a long time the only family I ever had was my Mum and she would bring a different guy home every month. And I felt like I had to do whatever I could, say whatever I could to protect her and to protect us. I never imagined I’d be so close to my Dad ever and I definitely didn’t think I’d ever have anyone like Aden. So now that I have I want to keep them and I guess that brings out my protective instincts but I never meant to make you feel like that. I guess I want to protect the people I care about so much that I lost sight of other people’s feelings, of your feelings. I’m sorry Belle. I really am”

“Well maybe you’ll start thinking about other people’s feelings now?” Belle suggested.

“Starting with Geoff?”

“Ok I didn’t come here to talk about Geoff Belle!”

“Maybe not but from what I can see you’re doing the same with him. You’re not giving him a chance to explain instead you’re hurling insults at him to protect yourself. But if you actually let him speak it

might end the hurt sooner than you think”

Nicole ignored her and instead picked up the dress bag she had draped over the counter earlier.

“I brought you this. Although I nearly didn’t given that I still haven’t forgiven you for telling Aden I said he was amazing”

“Freaking amazing wasn’t it?” Belle laughed.

“Oh shut up! Not you as well!” Nicole snarled pushing the bag into Belle’s hand.

“What is it?”

“I thought even you would be able to come to the conclusion that it’s a dress”

“You brought me a dress?”

“For the ball. Aden said you weren’t going because you didn’t have a dress and well I made two because I couldn’t decide which style I wanted so I thought you could wear the one I decided not to”

“You made me a dress?!” Belle half laughed.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. You wouldn’t be seen dead in something I’d ever considered wearing given how different our taste is but at least just look at it. You can’t sit at home whilst everyone

else is having fun. If you don’t want to wear it then don’t, I won’t be offended, well not much anyway. But you should come, you deserve to have a good time with your friends after everything”

“Ok, I’ll think about it. Thank you” Belle smiled not sure whether to be grateful or bemused.

“Nicole” Belle half pleaded.

“Talk to Geoff please”

“I don’t want to talk to him ever again Belle” Nicole replied adamantly.

“Please Nicole, believe me you want to hear what he has to say. You wouldn’t hate him so much right now if you didn’t love him deep down”

“I’ll talk to him on one condition”

“Go on” Belle encouraged dreading whatever Nicole was going to make her do.

“Talk to Aden”

“I already did, earlier on remember?” she replied confused.

“No really talk to him. I’m not the only person in this room suppressing feelings. I saw the look in your eyes when I asked you if you meant to say loved in the past tense. Tell him how you really feel.

Not how you felt when you left or whilst you were away, tell him how you feel right now. Tell him you’re jealous that he’s taking Gracie to the ball. Just tell him everything”

“And if I do that, you’ll let Geoff say his piece without interrupting?”

Nicole nodded.

“Not one word?”

“Not unless he-“

“Nicole!”

“Ok! Not one word”

“Ok then we have a deal” she replied before instantly opening her mouth and shouting Geoff’s name.

“What? I didn’t mean now!” Nicole exclaimed as Belle quickly exited the house, giggling as she reached the doorway just in time to hear Geoff come out of his room.

“Has she gone yet?” He enquired as he came face to face with Nicole.