U

[Eli]

Story Title: U

Type of story: Oneshot

Main Characters: Geoff/Lucas

BTTB rating: T/A

Genre: Romance

Does story include spoilers: No

Any warnings: No

Summary: Lucas decides to move across the country for uni. But what about his relationship with Geoff?

(Song lyrics: "Never easy" by Kurt Nilsen)

U

Then

He looked at the letter again. Only six months ago this letter would have been a dream come true, but a lot was changed since then.

He checked the little square box next to "I do not wish to attend your study program".

One last look over his shoulder at the boy studying in the kitchen. It still wasn't too late to change his mind and accept the spot he had been offered.

But he couldn't do that, it was way too complicated. It was better this way.

Trying not to let the memory of the boy's gentle caress get to him, he turned back to the computer screen and pressed "Submit".

Now

It was a weird feeling suddenly seeing his own life in boxes marked with "Lucas Holden", or "Uni" or just "U" as in "University".

All his belongings packed up and ready to be carried out of the house he used to call home.

Would it still be home when he came back?

After all it was only his material life he packed up, his family would still be here in Summer Bay, his friends, Geoff...

Lucas quickly grabbed another shirt from the untidy pile of clothes and started folding to get Geoff out of his head again.

Don't mind if you treat me bad again, I don't care anymore

Life's too short to make trouble out of small things

It is better this way, I'm sort of laid back today

"Do you want help with the folding?"

Lucas hadn't realised Geoff was back, standing behind him and watching him fold the shirt he had worn when they kissed each other for the first time.

"Yeah, sure," he muttered, wishing he wouldn't sound as sad as he felt, "You can pack the clothes I fold."

Quietly Geoff found another bag and grabbed the shirt Lucas handed over to him.

"Do you remember that night a few months ago when you were wearing that shirt and-"

"Yeah, I remember," Lucas cut him off, not even looking Geoff in the eyes.

Close my ears when words come flying out, I've heard them all before

With just a lot of hope flushing down the drain, it is better this way

I am going away

They folded in silence, both trying hard not to think about the fact that they only had a few hours left together before Lucas would have to go to catch his plane.

"Why are you doing this, Lucas?" Geoff suddenly said and put the sweater he was holding down, "Why didn't you go to a uni somewhere closer?"

"We've talked about this before," Lucas lied, still avoiding to look at Geoff, "The only uni I wanted to go to anywhere close to here rejected me."

I tried and then some more

Instead of dragging the both of us down

Divide separate ways

It's never easy this way, it's never easy this way

He couldn't tell Geoff the truth, he would never understand how he could turn down the uni he wanted to go to in the City, even after he had been accepted. He would never understand how it could be better this way.

But it was.

This relationship; no, this thing between them... It would just cause them both so much heartache. Dreams would have to be abandoned, and there was no way Geoff could imagine how this could turn out, Lucas was sure of that.

If they tried to get some distance, then maybe they could both get over this and move on with their lives. That way they wouldn't have to disappoint so many people and share sides of themselves that were better kept as secrets.

"I just don't get how you can leave me like this," Geoff sighed.

My palms are sweating, I'm barely aware, what I'm turning down

This awful life that is what I've been told think it's better this way

I will regret it one day

Lucas sighed and put down the shirt he was holding as well.

"Maybe it's better this way," he said, and for the first time he turned around and looked at Geoff. He hadn't done it earlier because he knew just how he'd feel when he saw Geoff's sad face.

Regret, love, weakness.

Talk too me, throw the ball back

I've been here before there is no turning back

Talk to me just tell it like it is

Just two afraid souls, going at each other, at each other

"I love you, okay?" He whispered and grabbed Geoff's arms, seeking his eyes, but Geoff was looking down now.

"You know I love you," he said, and finally he managed to get some eye contact, if only for a split second, "Nothing can change that."

"Then why are you leaving me and moving all across the country?"

Geoff looked both sad and angry, and for a second Lucas just wanted to tell him he'd stay and that everything was going to be all right.

"We want different things, Geoff," he said, "We're just going to stand in the way of each other's dreams. We felt something... We started feeling something for each other just a few months ago, and that changed everything. Maybe it's time to change it back?"

Geoff bit his lip, and Lucas could see he was close to tears.

"Do you really think anything can ever be changed back to how it was?" Geoff whispered, and it didn't sound like he believed it could.

Lucas grabbed his arms again and kissed his boyfriend.

"I think it's possible," he whispered and stroke Geoff's hair. But deep inside he knew he was lying, and he knew Geoff knew it as well.

***

Jack's car left the driveway and suddenly Geoff, Lucas and Tony were the only three people left in the house.

"We have to go soon too, mate," Tony said and grabbed another one of his son's boxes, "If you miss that flight you're going to have to walk to Western Australia, 'cause I can't afford a new ticket for you."

Lucas laughed, just like he had done when Jack had joked just before he left. The laughter was just as fake as Tony and Jack's attempts to be funny; no one was really in the mood for a laugh now right before Lucas was about to get on a plane and move across the country.

"Are you coming with us to the airport, Geoff?" Tony asked, coming back for more boxes.

"Erm, no..." Geoff replied, quickly seeking Lucas' eyes to make sure it was okay with him. Lucas couldn't have been more relieved; at least they wouldn't have to say goodbye to each other at the airport.

"I promised Annie I'd go with her to Bible study after she's done helping Irene. I'm sorry, Lucas."

"Oh no, that's fine!" Lucas replied, realising how fake he sounded, "I understand."

Tony had probably heard how fake the whole conversation sounded, but it didn't really matter. Everyone was a little fake today.

"Well, I better run over to the Diner," Tony said, "I promised Leah I'd pick up some sandwiches she made for you to eat on the plane. I guess she knows how bad airline-food can be after travelling to Europe and back."

The room was awkwardly silent as soon as he had ran off.

"So..." Geoff finally said, "This is it, is it then?"

"It's not it," Lucas replied, "I'll come back for holidays. It's not like I'm moving and never ever coming back."

"It won't be the same," Geoff sighed, "Things will change, you and I both know that."

Lucas grabbed into his bag and pulled out a white mug reading "University of Western Australia" with the school emblem painted on.

"I ordered this online," he explained, "I don't want you to forget where I am."

It had sounded so good in his head, but now it just sounded pathetic and lame.

He handed Geoff the mug, and for the last time he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed him passionately.

We're at the crossroad going separate ways, time to say it as it is

And if we bump into each other one day we'll be better then

Maybe we can start all over again

***

The sound of the car died, and suddenly Geoff became very aware of how alone he was.

Tony would be back soon, and he'd see Annie and Jack soon as well, but it just wouldn't be the same without Lucas.

He was still holding the "University of Western Australia" mug Lucas had given him.

How was a stupid mug supposed to make up for anything? How was drinking from a constant reminder of how far they were from each other make anything any easier?

With tears of anger and loneliness streaming down his face, he threw the mug as hard as he could at the door.

The sound of the mug breaking into a hundred pieces was almost like a relief, like it at least made up for the silence Lucas had left him.

But now the house was silent again, and the gift from Lucas was lying shattered on the floor.

Still crying silently Geoff bent down and picked up two of the largest pieces.

He cut his hand on one of them, but he didn't really feel the pain.

One of the pieces showed half the university emblem, the other a single black letter.

U, as in union.

***

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