Erin1690 Posted September 3, 2007 Report Posted September 3, 2007 Story Title: You've Got To Go There To Come Back. Type of story: Long fic Main Characters: J&M BTTB rating: T Genre: Drama/Romance Does story include spoilers: Only in Chapter one for UK viewers. Any warnings: V/D Summary: When Martha Tells Jack she still loves him. The Beginning is taken from the other night's episode, but the rest is all my ideas, on how I'd like it to end. Chapter One It was a summers evening, the sun had just set and it was the eve of Brad and Sally's wedding, they had decided to have a joint hens/bucks party, As it was Brad who was worried if the girls had organised a male stripper. Martha was quiet all evening but she had been like that a lot lately, everyone was starting to be a bit worried. Martha had gone out to grab some more champagne, but had been a while. The patio was silent Martha and Jack had been staring longingly at each other for what seemed like forever. A thousand things were running through Martha's head. The separation was only supposed to be a trail, but the whole Ash, Cam and Sam situation happened, how could she let it get this far. Martha worried that the revelation was wrong, but she had no choice but to tell Jack otherwise him and Sam would be unable to get married. Martha began to feel sort of relived now she had told Jack how she really felt, the ball is now in somebody else hands what Jack chooses to do with the information is now up to him. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Martha spoke up "Well…Say something?" But Jack didn't know what to say, he wanted to tell her the exact same things and he had done for a long time but was worried she didn't feel the same, but he had a duty to Rory, "Your Right, I'm with Sam and that's not going to change" he replied hesitantly. With one final look into Martha's big beautiful blue eyes, he turned and walked back into the party, he made his excuses and left, nobody suspected anything was wrong. Jack picked up a bunch of flowers from his local garage and surprised Sam at work, "Wow…what are you feeling guilty about?" she laughed, "me…nothing" Jack replied beginning to tremble, but deep down he was guilty he said yes to Sam proposal but was in love with someone else, Martha! He wanted to be a good dad to Rory, he loved him but tonight after Martha revelation he some what felt relieved… Sorry it is short but please comment and let me know if you think I should continue.
ppangel0 Posted September 3, 2007 Report Posted September 3, 2007 Brilliant can't wait to see what happens next. Hope you carry on with it.
Nicom Posted September 3, 2007 Report Posted September 3, 2007 Great chapter! I'm glad you managed to post it. As this is (I assume) your first fic, I could help you out with just simple story-writing techniques. There's a thread on it somewhere... just little things that make the story easier to read. Your English and grammar are really good, so I'm not going to recommend a proof reader, but if you are interested in a few simple rules then I could hunt down the thread for you? It's up to you. To be honest, there's only one thing I think would improve how it reads, and that is just with the dialogue. You're a very good writer. Perhaps if you started a new line when a new character speaks? Or you could start a new paragraph.. but I can't really explain that. I know that in the thread it is explained.... I'm babbling. Update soon.
Erin1690 Posted September 3, 2007 Report Posted September 3, 2007 Thanks that would be great, i am new to this so wasnt sure what to expect, thank for helping me i will contact you when i have wriiten the next chapter thanks again Erin x
Nicom Posted September 3, 2007 Report Posted September 3, 2007 Thanks that would be great, i am new to this so wasnt sure what to expect, thank for helping me i will contact you when i have wriiten the next chapter thanks again Erin x You're more than welcome. Here's the thread. If you need help, feel free to PM me.
holden_girl9051 Posted September 4, 2007 Report Posted September 4, 2007 This is great love it already cant wait for the next chapter please update soon
JacknMartha Posted September 4, 2007 Report Posted September 4, 2007 Its fantastic, love the way you write it
Erin1690 Posted September 5, 2007 Report Posted September 5, 2007 Chapter 2 Martha’s heart began to ache, tears began forming in her eyes and she soon felt them trickling down her face, How did she get to this point? She continued to flick through Jack and hers Wedding book, feeling worse every time she noticed a picture of her and Jack looking happy together. With the curtains drawn, the room was still quite dark, with just a little light coming from Martha’s bedside lamp, her eyes had sunken into her face and red rings had emerged around them, from the lack of sleep but more from her crying. She was soon woken from her daze by a knock on the door; She took a quick glance at the clock “ Gosh 9:00 already.” She was late, she was already supposed to be at Sally’s, helping her get ready for her big day, Martha quickly gathered her thoughts together, and wiped her eyes, and slowly opened the door, putting on the pretence that she had just woken up… “Ahh there you are darl, Sally was staring to get worried you’d forgot it was the big day, but I knew you’d probably be sleeping in after to much champagne last night” Irene joked. “Sorry… your right to much champagne, I just don’t know when to stop” Martha replied, yawning at the same time to keep up the pretence. “Well I’m just on my way over there now if you fancy a lift?” Irene asked “That would be great… I’ll just get my stuff together” Irene smiled “I’ll wait downstairs” As quickly as she could Martha got her stuff together and met Irene down in the dinner, and together they made their way over to the caravan park. As they approached Martha noticed a green car, she would notice that old banger form anywhere, it was Jacks! Martha began to shake as she strolled through the front door behind Irene, she smiled to everyone as she was greeted, but avoid the direction Jack was in. Martha couldn’t face him after last nights revelation, she didn’t thing she could see him ever again it hurt too much… All the boys swiftly left to get ready a Dan and Leah’s house, as it was unlucky to see the bride before the big day, although Sally didn’t believe in all this supposition and technically they had already seen each other. Martha was one of the first to be ready and decided to go for a breath of fresh air, she wasn’t much company today and didn’t want Sally upset and worried on her wedding day. She sat on the beach, with the sand between her toes, and the wind blowing hair, she reminisced on all the happy times she had with Jack and well… the not so happy times. Rick had spotted her whilst he was “out getting some air”, he sat beside her, neither of them spoke for a few moments until Rick finally asked… “What’s going on Martha?” Martha didn’t know what to say, she desperately wanted to tell someone, but she was worried about breaking down, it was tough to get through Martha’s defence, she wanted to be strong and cope on her own but sometimes things would just get on top of her and she wanted to burst. “I know theirs something going on between you and Jack, Martha…” Rick desperately searched for answers about his cousin’s unhappiness. “I don’t know what to do, I love him so much, and he doesn’t feel the same…I can’t stand to see him, my heart aches, Martha fell in to Rick’s arms and sobbed uncontrollably, “I’m going have to leave the bay… “ Thanks for all your great comments back, it means a lot, hope you enjoy this chapter…Please Comment. Speak soon Erin x
vale4eva Posted September 5, 2007 Report Posted September 5, 2007 Great two chapters Although they made me slightly depressed She cant leave the bay! Dont let her Erin lol Looking forward to more
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.