Life Is Full When I Remember You

[bttb-rox!]

Story Title: Life Is Full When I Remember You

Type of story: One-shot

Main Characters: Tony

BTTB rating: G

Genre: Drama/A mixture

Does story include spoilers: Yes

Any warnings: None

Summary: Tony is heartbroken after losing Beth. He feels lost without her and is finding things difficult to cope with so will he be able to come to terms with his loss?

Tony sat on the soft sand thinking about how his life had changed beyond recognition. He had lost the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. His thoughts were distracted by footsteps he could hear behind him. Matilda sat next to him looking out over the dusky horizon.

‘Hi’ she said quietly.

A small tear gently rolled down the right side of Tony's face. Matilda cuddled him tightly, wishing there was something she could do to take the pain away.

The next morning after another sleepless night, Tony woke up and saw a white envelope next to him on his bed. It was the same envelope that had been there for the last week, he hadn't been able to open it.

This time was different as he ripped the envelope open and slowly opened up the letter. He felt his eyes welling up as he saw who it was from.

To my dear Tony

I am writing this letter from Paris. It is so beautiful here, one day we will come together, that way you can enjoy it with me. Words can’t really describe how much I am missing you but you understand why I had to go. I’m sure the house is running like clockwork back home so I hope I won’t come back to utter carnage!

Tony, I have never really had the chance to tell you this so I feel now is the right time. When I met you for the first time, you made me feel different, you made me believe that it was okay for me to be myself. I have never felt that way before. You are the most incredible person Tony and I want you to know that I am going to love you for the rest of my life, that will never change.

I'm missing you like crazy but I will be home soon.

Beth x

He felt his body come over with emotion as he closed the letter and put it back in its envelope. For one second while he was reading it, he felt as though everything was the same as if nothing had changed. Then it hit him that she wasn’t coming back. All those things they were going to do with one another all those dreams they were going to fulfill together…none of them were going to happen.

He slowly rested his head upon the warm pillow as the bright sunshine peered through the window. That moment was interrupted by a quiet knock on his bedroom door.

‘Come in’ he uttered, slowly sitting up and resting himself against the headboard.

‘I thought you might like some breakfast’ Matilda warmly said.

‘Thanks love, but I’m not hungry’ he replied.

‘I cooked it myself’ Matilda said cheekily.

He laughed, which was something he hadn’t done in what felt like a long time.

‘It nice to hear you laugh’ Matilda said smiling.

‘It feels better than being mopey that’s for sure’ he replied.

‘What’s that?’ Matilda asked noticing the letter on Tony’s bed.

‘…its from your mother’ he replied.

Matilda gently sat herself on the side of his bed.

‘…Have you read it yet’ Matilda asked.

Tony nodded his head, surprising himself that he didn’t feel overcome with emotion. He simply stared through the window looking at the beautiful day it was going to be outside.

‘Its okay to cry Tony’ Matilda said trying to comfort him.

‘I have. I have cried more than what I thought was possible and it hasn’t changed anything so now I feel I need to be strong not just for myself but for you kids’ Tony said courageously.

‘You are amazing’ Matilda said with tears forming in her eyes.

‘Not as amazing as you kids’ ‘You have comforted and supported me so much more than I deserve and for that I will never be able to thank you enough. 'Come here’ he said, pulling who he thought of as his daughter close to him into a tight embrace.

Hours had passed since he read the letter and somehow he felt better. He felt happier inside himself. He wanted to do something that he had never had the strength to do before then.

He walked out of the house and began walking to the place he had wanted to go since she died a month ago. To the place where she was remembered by those she loved, the place where her daughters sat everyday remembering their mother.

He gently sat down next to some flowers that friends and family had put there and looked out over the water. It was early afternoon and the light and the sound of the water trickling occasionally, was calming him. He sat deep in thought remembering the happy times he and Beth shared together. This slowly started helping him to overcome the grief of losing her. As he sat there, early afternoon became late afternoon. From out of the blue he heard laughter from over his shoulder. He turned around to see Jack and Lucas his two wonderful sons in between Matilda, the girl he had grown to love as his own daughter. He smiled proudly at them and began to think of what they had all been trough together as a family.

‘Hey dad’ Jack said quietly

‘Hi mate’ Tony replied.

‘How are you feeling’ his other son asked.

‘Okay actually’ Tony replied as he lifted himself up from the ground.

‘We were surprised to see you here’ Matilda said.

‘I needed to come down here you know. I think its helped already…I feel stronger and more like I have acknowledged that she’s gone’ ‘I will always have her in my memory and I will never stop loving her’ Tony replied with a sense of relief that perhaps things would get better from then on.

‘Dad, you are incredible' Jack said smiling at his father.

‘I was thinking that we should go on a holiday, all four of us’ Tony said eagerly awaiting a reply.

‘You know what…I think that is a great idea’ Matilda said smiling at Tony.

‘As long as we don’t have to listen to your snoring dad’ Jack said jokingly.

‘Mate, you snore…not me.’ Tony said seriously before laughing with the others.

As the sun shone brightly over them, Tony, Matilda, Lucas and Jack all linked arms, and started to think about their future as a family together.

Comments