Please Be Mine

[Jen]

Chapter 11

It smells like freshly mown grass and early morning dew as Geoff steps out onto the field. Summer is approaching rapidly, but the mornings still have a biting cool breeze. The sun has barely risen and there is frost on the leaves of the trees, and Geoff shoves his hands deep into his pockets. While he is still adamant about not being on the team, he’s here at the tryouts to support Aden, be his cheer squad of sorts, and just watch. He does miss the sport; it was such a large part of his life for a long time. His father had taught him to play. He vaguely remembers trotting around on unstable, young legs, catching soft oval balls that his dad threw gently at his chest. When his parents passed away, his grandfather took up the position as coach, pushing him harder and faster to hone in on his skills. He played a few games at a regional level, but was the youngest on the team and always felt out of place. Geoff was never really good at making friends, particularly other guys, and since he was homeschooled, the other guys on the team thought he was a bit of an antisocial freak. He had been glad to get out of it.

But seeing the great expanse of green before him, Geoff can feel his stomach tighten at the thought of pulling on his shoes and jersey, tossing the ball between his fingertips and taking to the field one more time. It is all so close and it takes some sort of willpower not to take off at a sprint towards the goalposts.

There is a low murmur from behind and Geoff turns to see a group of young athletic men approaching at a slow jog. A whistle pierces through the still air and the players pick up the pace, sprinting past Geoff and across the field. Each of the players is built for football; broad shoulders, thick-set arms, muscular legs, Geoff can appreciate the hours they spend working out. And even though they run as a team, arms pumping, legs pounding in unison, Geoff can immediately pick out Aden. In the front of the pack, hair slicked back from sweat (even though Geoff is freezing), arms and legs perfectly in time and setting the pace. His tanned skin glistens under the sun as it creeps higher in the sky, eyes completely focused ahead as he runs without any signs of slowing up.

“I have to say I was a bit surprised not to see you out there with them,” a voice says.

Geoff turns and watches as Tony Holden stops beside him, clipboard in hand, whistle dangling around his neck.

Geoff shrugs half-heartedly in reply, “Yeah.”

“But Aden said you were going to go back to school. Good for you,” he claps Geoff once on the back and smiles.

“Thanks,” Geoff replies, scuffing his shoes into the newly turned up dirt.

Tony soon stops all pleasantries and takes up his position as coach. Whistle blowing, yelling commands, changing positions, and all. Geoff takes up his own position in the stands, watching as Aden runs, jumps, catches and throws with the rest of them. He doesn’t say ‘with the best of them’, because frankly, Aden is the best. He’s not being biased or anything. If you were anyone watching the tryouts you would think Aden had never stopped playing, had the sport bled into him, let alone once needed crutches to walk. He oozed natural talent and would continue to pump harder and faster, run extra laps, when the others had well and truly given up.

Even Tony has called the trials to an end, sending the boys to the showers, but Aden is still out there, kicking balls through the posts until he’s not missing a single one. As the sun looms overhead Geoff wanders onto the field, peeling off his jumper and tossing it to the ground.

“Kick it here.” Aden looks up, ball balanced easily between his fingertips, caught off-guard at the sudden disruption to his concentration, but he obliges, lobbing the ball easily into Geoff’s grasp. He turns it between his hands, letting the moisture of multiple touches and catches seep onto his skin. He returns it to Aden, kicking it to his chest. “You were amazing.”

Aden gives Geoff a smile, concentration still etched onto his face. But his cheeks are pink, hair dishevelled and there are grass stains all down the front of his shirt, but to Geoff, under the yellow sunlight, he thinks he looks perfect. Aden catches him off-guard this time, passing the ball with force and a slight spin. Geoff fumbles the pass, finally gathering it into his grasp and looking up at Aden who is grinning at him comfortably with his pink lips.

Geoff knew that he and Aden were friends. That is what they decided, but looking at Aden’s face, the way his cheeks are glistening with sweat, the ease at which he takes up another ball and hoists it high in the air, before his boot makes contact and sends it soaring through the tall, white posts at the end of the field, Geoff knows what he wants. He wants to kiss Aden. It now dawns on Geoff why Aden did what he did on the farm. It is as though the roles have been reversed, the shoe on the other foot, and Geoff is left in amazement at the ease at which this realisation comes to him. It doesn’t feel weird the way it probably should, not a strange impulse like last time, but something he genuinely wants.

He’s about to do something, step forward -- because they are the only ones in the wide expanse of green -- take Aden’s cheek in his hand, dirt marks and all, and kiss him gently on the lips. But Aden cocks his head to the side and says with great importance, “Bacon and eggs at the Diner,” and the moment is gone.

-

Monday morning, Geoff is up bright and early. Well not so much bright, but definitely early. He spent most of the previous night trading texts with Aden rather than sleeping, and even when he attempted to nod off at some point after midnight he couldn’t sleep; the prospect of attending school again appearing in every one of his dreams and nightmares. He didn’t think he would be this nervous, after all it’s not like he’s never done this before. But somehow at 7:00 am he is dressed and pacing the living room, having already showered and eaten breakfast, trying to wind down the time between now and actually having to leave for school.

Irene finally rises, and before she even acknowledges Geoff’s punctuality she puts on the kettle for her coffee. She raises an eyebrow at him and quirks her lips into an amused expression as she takes in his appearance.

“Morning, darl,” she says, but doesn’t mention anything else.

Geoff isn’t quite sure how it all works, administration wise, but when he sat down in Mr Bartlett’s office a few days earlier he basically told Geoff that he would essentially be sitting supplementary exams in place of the ones he missed last year. In a nutshell, he would go to school for about a week to get all the revision handouts and attend the review seminars and could then sit his exams two weeks later. So, it’s day 1 of exam revision and suddenly everything seems a bit overwhelming.

Annie is racing around the house, gathering a pair of socks from the laundry, tying her hair back into a ponytail, and collecting up all her schoolbooks that are scattered around the lounge room. She’s muttering lists of things she still needs to do under her breath and its making Geoff more and more nervous by the minute. He’s just about ready to snap at her, storm into his room and lock himself in, telling everyone that he takes it back, he’s not going back. But then Aden appears in the doorway, white v-neck, blue jeans, and take-away coffees in hand.

Before he can even open his mouth to greet him, Geoff is up and out of his seat, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and shoving Aden out the door.

He’s calmed down by the time they walk up to the school gates.

“I guess this is it,” Geoff says, more to himself than anyone else. Students continue to stream past them both, occasionally doing a double take at the two standing beside each other, but Geoff thinks that has more to do with the fact that Aden is the only person within a one hundred metre radius that isn’t wearing blue, maroon and white.

“You’ll be fine,” Aden assures him, placing a sturdy hand on his shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze. Geoff gives him a half-shrug, already weighed down by his backpack of school supplies and hardcover textbooks. “I’ve got footy training this afternoon.”

“I’ll be there -- I mean, if you want,” Geoff replies quickly.

Aden shakes his head slightly, but he’s smiling, “’Course I do.”

It’s with those words that Aden turns to leave and to Geoff the prospect of 8 hours away from him suddenly seems unfathomable. But somehow the day moves by. In an indecipherable mixture of warning bells, scratching chalk boards and loud chatter, Geoff makes it through to lunchtime. In the first opportunity he has, he checks his mobile to see he has 3 new messages and his face immediately lights up.

From: Aden

Just said goodbye. 7 hours to go.

8:29am 11-NOV-09

From: Aden

Shouldn’t u be listening to the teacher?

11:16am 11-NOV-09

From: Aden

I think I’m a bad influence ;)

12:31pm 11-NOV-09

-

Aden turns to Geoff, all broad smiles and nervous energy.

“So how was your first day?” he asks.

Geoff lets out a long sigh, “Exhausting.” And that’s when Geoff starts rambling on about revision workshops and extra reading and already being behind and having second, third and fourth thoughts about doing this whole thing. Meanwhile Aden is slipping into his boots and pulling up his socks so they reach his knee. He stands up from the wooden bleacher and he’s staring at Geoff with this odd expression on his face. Geoff immediately stops talking, realising that Aden is probably thinking about game plays and ball technique and not three hours worth of calculus he has waiting for him when he gets home.

“How do I look?” Aden asks. He cocks his hip a bit and Geoff is immediately drawn to the way the loose fitting jersey covers Aden’s body and the way his shorts stop just above the knee, a navy blue number 2 is just to the right of where his heart would be, pounding under the surface with adrenaline and excitement. Geoff thinks he couldn’t look any more perfect, but doesn’t think it is appropriate to say to Aden that he’s having a really hard time keeping his hands in check when all they want to do is grab a hold of his shirt and touch him.

In that moment it doesn’t matter that Annie avoided him all day at school, or the fact he didn’t speak to any of the other students in his classes, because Aden is looking at him with wide eyes, like Geoff’s opinion is the only one he cares about, that it is the only one that matters. And if Aden keeps looking at him like that, Geoff figures he doesn’t need anything else.

He doesn’t tell Aden any of these things. Instead he settles for, “Uh, good,” which seems awfully inadequate.

There is a single beat between that and Aden taking a step forward and placing both of his hands on Geoff’s shoulders. Geoff thinks for a moment Aden might be going to shake some sense into him and tell him he’s been dreaming this whole thing, but then even more delicately Aden leans in and grazes his lips on Geoff’s skin, just below his temple. It sends a shiver down Geoff’s spine and he breathes out, making something that resembles “Oh.”

A split second later Aden appears to be all hands-off and turning around to greet two more burly blokes who have jogged up to them. In turn Aden grabs them both into a well-rehearsed man-hug; one arm around the shoulder, a slap on the back but no chests touching.

“Dude, wassup?” the first asks. He’s slightly taller than Aden, but just as wide, his dark hair shaved close to his scalp. Definite tough guy.

“Yeah, man,” Aden replies, slipping easily into their casual tone, “It’s all good.”

“You ready for today?” the second questions. He’s all lean and blonde, olive skin making the rest of them look pale in comparison. If he wasn’t a rugby player and living in Summer Bay, Geoff might have pegged him as a model.

“What do you reckon?” Aden jostles him with a laugh.

Geoff moves awkwardly from one foot to the other, already feeling like a fourth wheel, or just the water boy on a team full of athletes. Definitely feeling insignificant. But then Aden turns, gesturing from Geoff to his team mates, wearing matching green and white uniforms. “You guys remember Geoff, right?”

The two boys stop and stare for a moment as if this is the first time they have noticed Geoff.

“Yeah, sure,” the first replies, albeit slightly uncertain.

“Geoff, this is David and Sterling, guys on the team,” Aden supplies.

“Hi, fellas,” Geoff says, holding out his hand for Sterling to shake. It would have been a lot more convincing if he could hide that slight quiver in his voice. Sterling looks down at Geoff’s palm before he grips it in his own, loosely, and offers a pathetic handshake. Upon release, he immediately turns back to Aden.

“We’re gonna head out and get started, you coming?”

In this short space of time the rest of the team has congregated in the centre of the field, a sea of green and white stripes. They are clustered around a centre figure, who Geoff can only assume is Tony. It’s hard to tell with all the blokes crowded around and towering over. Aden momentarily looks over his shoulder at Geoff, who gives him an encouraging nod, before he jogs side by side with Sterling and David to join the rest of the team. Geoff takes up his position in the stands.

--

[Jen]

Thank you for sticking with this story so far Carina and Red Ranger 1.

I worked with the wonderful Anaya on this chapter, so hopefully it comes across as it is intended.

--

A/N: Warning - This chapter contains violence and some language.

Chapter 12

“You’ll be at the game, right?” Aden asks, again. Geoff nods obediently and reassures him that yes, he will be at the game, wearing the matching jersey Aden convinced Tony to give him.

Now he’s in the stands, flanked by other supporters, cheering Aden on. He considered going all out -- signs, pom poms, cheers -- but refrains for Aden’s sake. He spies a mother (he assumes) a few rows below him, face paint in team colours, jumping up and down screaming at the top of her lungs, “Woo! I love you, Kevin!” Kevin, already standing out from the rest of the team with his ginger hair, freckles and pale skin, quickly averts his eyes and busies himself tying his shoelaces, ignoring his mother’s cheering. And it is only half time. Geoff is glad he didn’t go down that route.

The second half seems to pass in a blur. The passing is short and sharp, deliberate as it flies through the air and into the grasp of another player. Aden has taken control, calling the shots, huddling the players on the team together and barking commands, setting up plays.

Geoff finds himself standing on the tips of his toes, peering around the heads of other spectators, so he can keep up with the game. It is tied, and Aden is yelling down the field at number 8, Sterling, who is hunched over waiting for the whistle. As soon as the screech fills the air, he takes off at a jog before passing the ball off to his right. Number 11 takes a clean catch but has two of the opposition, in blue and yellow, barrelling down on top of him. He trips and the ball tumbles out of his hands.

Geoff’s shoulders sag and he lets out a frustrated groan with the rest of the crowd at the fumble. He can see Aden glance up at the clock which continues to tick down. 60 seconds left.

Take two, and Sterling begins the play, before passing off to David, number 5. He picks up the pace, taking small, fast steps down the field. He dodges one player and then another, faking left and then right.

Out of nowhere Aden is streaming down the sidelines, just a blur of green and white. David sees him out of the corner of his eye, and through a gap that has opened up passes the ball across his body. Geoff finds himself biting down hard on to the inside of his lip as the ball glides through the air. Time seems to slow down, and the ball remains motionless, just hovering above flailing hands of the opposition. In one swift movement, Aden has the ball, never slowing his running pace.

Blue and yellow, about six foot tall and the same wide, is towering over him. Aden sees him and momentarily falters, glancing left and right, looking for an opening. But he’s hard pressed against the sideline and can’t see past the wall of opposition, so tucking the ball further into his body and lowering his shoulder, Aden steams straight through, making a dive for the line.

There is a mixture of yelling, screaming, slapping that drowns out the sound of the siren. There is a flurry of green and white overpowering the other team, arms are being waved in the air and helmets being discarded to the side. With all the celebrating, anyone would think this was the grand final, not the opening round of a summer competition. And in the middle of it all, squished between sweaty bodies, is Aden, grinning broadly and accepting the praise of all around him. Geoff lets out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

The sun has set and Geoff finds himself alone. Once the celebrations died down the winning team was ushered into the change rooms, Aden included, without so much as a wave in Geoff’s direction. In the absence of the sun, Geoff stands under the fluorescent lighting, turning over some of the dirt with the toe of his shoe. He feels like he’s been out here forever, although his watch suggests it’s only been 45 minutes.

A door bangs and Geoff looks up, spying two figures hunched over in the shadows by the locker rooms. He can’t tell who it is, but can feel them staring. They pause to look him over, almost leering at him from in the darkness. And then the moment passes and they disappear, as quickly as they came.

It is another several minutes and false alarms later when Aden finally emerges. He’s showered, his hair still damp, duffel bag hoisted over his shoulder and he walks determinedly up to Geoff. He drops his bag at Geoff’s feet and looks up at him, giving him a smile that is all proud and happy and Aden. Geoff can’t help but smile back.

“You were great,” Geoff tells him.

Aden is still clearly buzzed from the game, on a high from his victory. His eyes are sparkling and wide, and for the first time he looks his age. Just 19 and young, not 39 and with pieces missing. What still captures Geoff the most is his lips. The way they are quirked up into his infamous smirk, smiling up at Geoff like they haven’t for anyone else.

This time Geoff doesn’t hesitate. He leans down and kisses him. It is brief and Geoff quickly pulls away. Aden opens his eyes, staring back at him, not startled but curious. Geoff wonders if he could do it again, just kiss him the way he wants. With no boundaries and as long and hard as he is aching to. But Aden leans forward, skimming his tongue along Geoff’s bottom lip, and that is all the permission he needs.

He kisses him long and slow, allowing Aden to catch his lip between his teeth. Aden slips his fingers into the loops of Geoff’s jeans, tugging him closer to his body, pressing their hips together. Each kiss melts into the next, as their tongues slide passed one another and Geoff can basically feel the vibration Aden is emitting.

When they pull apart Aden is still smiling, lips bright red and wet, shimmering under the lights of the ground.

“You’re probably going to go to hell for that,” he says, voice low and gravelly.

“At least I’ll have company,” Geoff counters, returning a similar lop-sided smile.

Aden leans over and picks up his bag, taking it in one hand, Geoff’s hand in the other.

“Seriously,” Aden says as they reach his car. “Are you okay with this?”

The crickets are beginning to chirp, the low hum of mosquitoes hovering nearby, and Geoff looks down at their interlocked fingers before blinking slowly at Aden. He thinks he is probably more okay with this than he should be. Being with Aden, holding his hand, kissing him.

Geoff leans forward, hushing his voice to Aden’s ear, “Does this answer your question?” He claims Aden once more, for all his faults, their past altercations; he presses their lips together, in a deserted car park on the edge of the football field.

-

It’s like they are in a vacuum. The only sound to reach his ears is the scratching of pen on paper, the occasional cough and the distant call of the seagulls. He has to take a moment to think, glancing up at the clock, before ducking his head once more and immersing himself in his writing, blue ink streaming across the page. There are students to his left, right, in front and behind; the desks set in a grid-like pattern, each pupil allocated their own space. Geoff can feel the beady eyes of the invigilator as they patrol up and down the rows, squinting in his direction. His pen hesitates momentarily, gaze frozen, as the supervisor strolls past, hands clasped behind his back, peering over the top of his thick-rimmed glasses.

“15 minutes remaining.” There is a frantic gasp from somewhere down the back of the room at the sudden realisation that in less than a quarter of an hour their first exam will be over.

It is strange to Geoff how he can start an exam thinking there is all the time in the world, to the extent that he doesn’t know how he is going to find enough to say to fill the allocated time. But then suddenly, with the end looming so closely time appears to speed up, and there is not enough of it to allow him to fill out the pages remaining. He suddenly has so much to say.

He is still frantically scribbling his last sentence when the examiner stands at the front of the room and says, “Time is up. Pens down.”

As soon as he is out of the room there is rush of relief. One down, four to go, Geoff thinks. There is chatter coming from all directions as his friends put their heads together to discuss what they thought of question 3, or the fact that they didn’t study enough to answer the last page. Geoff looks around, hoping to catch someone’s eye. It’s not that he’s particularly into doing post-mortems on exams, but he holds on to the hope that someone will take pity on him and ask him how he thought he went.

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, taking his exams when he is a year older, but for some reason the gap between him and the rest of the year group appears to be too big to bridge.

In the absence of anyone to really talk to Geoff makes his way to the boys’ bathroom.

Geoff was too busy taking some steadying breaths and splashing cool water on his face to notice that anyone else had entered the bathroom. He looks up in the mirror and not only catches his own reflection, but also that of two other guys. They appear to loom over him, just glaring at him as he straightens up and wipes his damp hands.

“This isn’t the girls’ bathroom,” one says with a snigger.

He turns, ready to step past them towards the door, when one sticks out his hand stopping Geoff from passing. It is only now that Geoff glances up at them and takes in their faces. They are familiar, no older than he is. One closely shaved dark hair with square shoulders, the other tall, lean and blonde. Geoff recognises them as David and Sterling, from the rugby team, although they aren’t ready to play ball. They’re in school uniforms this time, so Geoff gives them a half smile, trying to excuse himself in the other direction.

“Where do you think you’re going?” David asks, a shoulder nudging Geoff backwards. Geoff stumbles slightly, taking a couple of small steps back. He’s edged into the porcelain sink, pressing cold and hard into his back.

“Is there a problem?” Geoff asks. David and Sterling exchange grins.

“Problem?” Sterling responds, “Our problem is you. You pussy.” He’s pointing a finger at Geoff’s chest, right in the middle of his ribs. Geoff tries to shift, but he’s trapped. A sink behind him and a wall of rugby players before him.

“Yeah,” David adds, “You’re just a queen ... a queer.”

“And we don’t like queers,” Sterling spits, mouth twisted up into a menacing smirk.

Geoff doesn’t understand what is happening, but it only takes one exchange of looks between Sterling and David before a fist makes contact with his chin. There is a crack of skin and bone, and Geoff crumbles into a pile. He tries to tuck his head into his hands, some form of protection, but there are holes, and another fist reaches his eye.

There’s laughter in his ears, but he can’t see, his eyes squeezed shut, a throbbing already radiating from the back of his neck up to his forehead. He vaguely registers the door slamming shut but he doesn’t move for several minutes. He’s left cowering under the sink, head in his hands, and back up against the wall.

Heart beating, breaths ragged, and head pounding Geoff slowly opens his eyes. The taste of copper leeches into his mouth and he reaches up and wipes his lips with his fingers. They come back covered in crimson liquid; blood. His head spins as he stands, holding on to the basin for support. Slowly he looks up into the mirror, his mangled reflection staring back.

His mouth is bloody, his eye already turning a deep shade of purple but he turns and slips out the bathroom door, head hanging low.

Geoff just wants to go home and hide. To pull the covers up and stay in bed, but as soon as Aden sees him, he automatically rushes to Geoff, grabbing him tightly by the shoulders.

“Who did this to you?” he demands in a hushed tone, anger already taking over.

Geoff just shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” Aden retaliates. “Whoever it was -- I swear I’m gonna –-” He’s already let go of Geoff and is bundling his fingers into fists.

“Aden please,” Geoff begs, voice cracking, tears threatening to spill over. “It doesn’t matter. Let it go.” Aden is still struggling, his knuckles turning white, but he doesn’t move. He’s watching Geoff, taking in his bruises, dark rings around his eye, fat lip and all. “Please,” Geoff whispers, “For me.”

Finally Aden nods, taking a step forward and releasing his hands. He reaches up, and Geoff flinches, automatically recoiling and closing his eyes. But his touch is so gentle, a single finger tracing the bottom of Geoff’s lip, lightly gliding over the battered skin.

“I’m sorry,” is all Aden says in reply.

--

[Jen]

Thank you so much Carina, Red Ranger 1, Charlene and Chipsferryroxmisox. I really appreciate your comments, particularly on that last chapter.

--

Chapter 13

Aden has been treating Geoff like a fragile doll. Using his finger tips to rub ointment onto his skin, barely touching him at all, like he’s scared he will break. They’ve managed to hide it well enough, the swelling in Geoff’s lip has already gone down, the bruises morphing from purple through to yellow. In the meantime Aden smuggled some concealer and foundation from Annie’s room before she got home to help hide the damage.

They haven’t talked about the fight, Geoff refusing to tell him who did it, and Aden unable to bring it up without threatening to punch someone in retaliation.

Geoff is also spending less and less time at home. Annie thinks she understands and doesn’t say anything, only occasionally asking how Aden is, purely to make conversation. Irene has started to notice Geoff’s change in behaviour. The quiet attitude, time spent out of the house and lack of interaction, but she has chalked it up to exam stress and left it at that. Geoff is not one to argue.

It wasn’t until Aden saw Geoff all battered and bruised and shaken that he realises how much he’s -- they’ve -- changed. This is not some bit of innocent fun; two guys mucking around, experimenting, but something more. Having Geoff around meant he had something to hold onto. It meant he was never alone, and this means more to him now than ever before. But he can’t help but feel selfish. He knows how much Geoff is giving up being with him, to be at his side.

His focus should be on his studies, doing the best he can. But somehow this has turned into Geoff into a shaky boy, all courage and ambition stripped from him. Aden knows deep down, Geoff wants to do well, at school, at anything he sets his mind to. But he sees him. At night, hunched over at the table, pencil poised in his hand, eyes focused on the page in front of him. But Aden knows. Knows he’s not actually reading. His eyes are hazy, gazing over the print, but not taking it in. His mind is elsewhere, a place it should never have to go. A place where he is ridiculed, bullied, and Aden wishes more than anything he could take it back, or at least go in there to defend him.

Aden is supposed to be watching tv in the living room, the American sitcom emitting a low hum of fake laughter, but really he is watching Geoff. Hand resting on his cheek, just below his yellowing eye, pen hanging limply from his fingers, eyes closed.

“Hey.” Geoff stirs, opening his eyes to look over at Aden. He gives him a tight-lipped smile, Aden nods his head in the direction of the tv. “You done for tonight?”

Geoff shrugs, but closes his book and puts down his pen. Getting up from the table he walks over to Aden on the lounge, something stiff in each of his movements. Like everything he does takes a little bit more effort than it did before. He sits down beside Aden, cross-legged on the cushions. Aden automatically reaches out and takes his hand, interlocking his fingers.

It’s become something automatic now. The touching, the holding. It’s not something either of them think about anymore, just a habit. Whether they are watching tv, or Aden’s cooking dinner while Geoff thumbs through pages of notes, there are always these moments, exchanges as it were. A touch on the shoulder, grazing of an elbow. Both just making sure the other one is still there, that this is all real.

The house creaks with him as Geoff lets out a sigh, trying to unwind. Aden scoots closer, completely ignoring the comedy now, using his free hand to trace patterns on Geoff’s golden shoulder, creeping up his neck to his cheek. He finds himself fingering lightly at his face, tracing the outline of his bruise, which is now almost faded, but still a reminder, of things left unsaid. Geoff doesn’t move, stiffens slightly under Aden’s touch, he’s become a lot more self-conscious since it happened. Aden doesn’t want to push it, doesn’t want to argue with him but he finds himself talking out loud.

“Do you ever think about the future?” Geoff doesn’t really move, so Aden continues. “Like, I dunno, what you want to do in 5, or 10 years?”

“Not really,” Geoff says with a half-shoulder shrug. Aden thinks he’s lying.

“Do you want kids?”

The question seems to catch Geoff by surprise. He jerks all of a sudden, pulling his face out of Aden’s way, turning so he is facing him, staring directly at him.

“What’s brought this on?” Geoff replies, concern etched between his eyes.

“You want that, don’t you?” Aden returns, knowing he’s right. “Whenever you thought about the future you always imagined yourself with a house, white-picket fence, two and a half kids running around at your feet --”

“No,” Geoff mumbles.

Aden ignores him. “-- a wife?”

Aden watches as Geoff shakes his head, determinedly, and Aden probably would have believed him if he couldn’t see his face.

“It’s okay,” Aden urges. “I wanted that too.”

“See?” Geoff retaliates, “Wanted. In the past. I don’t want that anymore.”

“Don’t you realise what you are giving up? All the things you’re giving up.” Aden stares at him, pleading almost, to see reason. They aren’t just talking children and family anymore, something much bigger.

“I don’t care,” Geoff replies. “I don’t care about any of it.”

“I saw you after --” Aden stalls, and Geoff cringes, knowing what is coming next, “-- after you got hit. You were so scared.” Geoff is biting down on his lip, refusing to look Aden in the eye. His back is rigid; his hands bundled tightly into his lap. “Someone beat you up, Geoff. And do you know why? Because of me.”

There. He’s said it. Aden thought he might feel some sort of relief, a reprieve for saying it out loud. But if anything, the guilt doubles, weighs down on his shoulders more than ever. He knows Geoff is only just holding it together. His eyes are unfocused, staring directly at the floor.

“That’s not true,” Geoff says in nothing more than a whisper.

“It is,” Aden replies. “You know it too.”

There is a moment of silence, neither of them speaking. Aden can’t tear his eyes away from Geoff, even though Geoff won’t look up. He can’t help but get the feeling that he is staring at a reflection. Or rather a view from another perspective. It’s like he’s seeing things from Geoff’s point of view, re-imagining how he must have looked that time he found him in the shower, all alone. Hunched shoulders, dark eyes, emotions surging through his body. Like he’s falling to pieces before his very eyes and he’s the only one that can put him back together. Except this time it isn’t by staying, or finding a blanket.

“You don’t want this?” Geoff’s voice cracks, and Aden feels this pain in his chest, radiating from somewhere he can’t quite pinpoint. “You don’t want me? Because I’m broken.”

He is wrong, so very wrong. Oh God, how much Aden wants him is ridiculous. If he could take him right there and there he would. He wants to press warm kisses into his mouth, every inch of his skin, never letting go.

“No,” Aden says solemnly. “God, Geoff, if you think that then I -- I don’t know what to do.” Geoff shrugs, turning even more in on himself. If that was possible. “If I could, I would have you by my side every second. Just so I could make sure you were safe. I would follow you around at school to make sure you were doing okay. I want to make sure no one ever hurts you again. No one lays a finger on you. I want to protect you, and kiss you. God, I love you, and if you don’t know that then --”

He stops, realising what he’s just said. He didn’t even think about it, but as soon as it came out, for Geoff to hear, this hurt inside seemed to lift, or at least, dull. It hurts because it pains him to see Geoff like this, when he wants to do something to fix it, but feels helpless.

Geoff slowly blinks before turning his head towards Aden, looking up at him for the first time in what seems like forever. He’s tracing Aden with his eyes, searching deep into him, processing all that has happened, all that has been said.

“You -- you,” Geoff stutters, “You love me?”

Aden just nods, because he’s said it, and it should be too soon. It should be something he immediately regrets, wants to take back. But he doesn’t.

“Why?”

This time it is Aden’s turn to be caught off-guard by Geoff’s question. Why does he love him?

“I don’t know,” Aden replies honestly, breathlessly. “All I know is that I can’t imagine my life without you.” Aden can see Geoff’s face light up, eyes becoming a little bit less dark. As if he thinks that by Aden saying this, that this somehow makes every okay. It doesn’t. He continues, even though he doesn’t want to, “Which is why I have to let you go.”

“What?” Geoff whispers.

“Not forever, never forever. Just, a while,” Aden explains, words rushing from his mouth. “You need to finish your exams. I need to figure some things out. We just -- just need some time apart.”

Aden wants to look away, thinks that this will be easier if he’s not staring directly at Geoff. But he can’t. He makes himself keep going, feeling his throat close up, mouth turning dry, eyes prickling.

“Once it is all sorted, once we both know what this means, then --” he nods. “Then. We can.”

Geoff slowly nods, telling Aden he understands, but he still looks hurt. His eyes are glistening and there’s a mark on his bottom lip from where he was biting down so hard. He slowly stands. “I should probably go.”

As much as he hates it, he nods. Watches sadly from the lounge as Geoff collects his belongings; books, shoes, bag from behind the lounge. He gathers it all into his arms, carefully avoiding Aden’s line of sight.

Aden has to wipe the back of his hand across his eyes when he hears the door close.

It would be so easy to chase after him, like he did the first time. To take him back into his arms, kiss him. But he knows he has to do this. They both have to do this.

Aden feels as though he has had the wind taken out of him. He walks around in a daze, the house feeling empty. He even occasionally finds himself looking over his shoulder hoping that Geoff will be there. He almost expects him to turn up on his doorstep, storming through the door all ragged and on the verge of exploding. Expects him to come back, show him what he’s missing. Kiss him hard, long, passionately, and Aden will take him back. He would always take him back.

But as the minutes become hours, the sun well and truly set, Aden’s stomach sinks, and he knows he’s not coming back.

He goes to bed, still fully clothed, even though he knows he won’t be able to sleep. He looks around his room, taking in how big it appears. There’s a wedding photo on the dresser. Belle, in her white dress. Him, standing beside her. Both, smiling brightly. There are bands on each of their fingers, a symbol of their love for each other. A love that will live on, even though she is gone. Aden knows this, reminds himself of this so often. He finds himself twisting at his wedding ring absent-mindedly, feeling the metal beneath his finger. It’s there; it’s real, just as real as his love for Belle.

And his love for Geoff.

He gets up, pads across the floor to the picture. Aden picks it up, letting his finger delicately wipe over Belle’s face. He wants her back so badly, would trade anything in the world to hear her laugh, see that twinkle in her eyes, just hold her for one more night. But he knows he can’t, knows that it will never happen.

Flipping the frame over, he pulls off the wooden back. Behind the photo is the letter, paper yellowing slightly, corners bent from the number of times he has read, and re-read it.

His eyes dart across her hand writing, taking in its familiarity, and the comfort it offers. He reads it again, even though he has it memorised.

Dearest Aden,

As much as it pains me right now to think of you moving on with someone else, I know how special she must be. And I’ll always be here, watching over you in the next great love of your life.

‘She.’ Aden finds a ghost of smile on his lips and can’t help thinking that there is no way Belle could have known this, could have predicted the way this would all turn out.

--

[Jen]

Chapter 14

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

The question really does catch Geoff by surprise. He’s grown so use to being alone, rejected, only worrying about himself, making sure he doesn’t draw too much attention from others, that he forgets that the world keeps spinning. That regardless of how absorbed Geoff is in his own mind, other people live in this place with him. They see, watch him, but very rarely talk to him. He feels like he’s been living in an illusion, or under some sort of cloak of invisibility. At the sound of another person’s voice, a girl’s no less, actually directing her question at him, he is caught off-guard.

Geoff pulls his head up. She’s forcing a small smile, one hand extended out, gesturing to the empty space beside him, the other clutching a binder and text books close to her chest.

Geoff just kind of gives her a half-nod, which she takes as an invitation to sit down.

“How are you going?” Nicole asks.

He knows that she doesn’t mean it as a loaded question, but it is anyway.

“Getting there.”

Nicole purses her lips, considering this for a minute. “I think we all are,” she replies. “And we will -- eventually.”

Geoff isn’t exactly sure what she’s referring to. Whether it’s just a surface thing, like the final couple of exams they have left, or maybe she too is still thinking of Belle, or maybe it’s something to do with her relationship with Liam. Geoff knows they were together, but beyond that he has no idea.

“So, how are things with you and Liam?” Geoff asks after a moment of silence.

“Things are -- good,” Nicole says with a deliberate nod.

“Well, I’m glad,” Geoff replies. She gives him a friendly nudge, and smiles. It’s nice, Geoff thinks, to be able to sit and talk. He hasn’t done that in a while.

He’s basically retreated to his room. Attempting to study, and failing. He can’t seem to get excited by anything anymore. He wakes up before dawn, then doses until lunchtime, before Irene comes in knocking on his door. She taps on the wood twice, then peers in to his room, her red hair the first thing he sees. Reluctantly, he groans, opening his eyes into the yellow light. She asks if he wants anything to eat before she goes to work. He always says no, and she gives him this pitying look. Her eyes soften, looking down at him, sheets pulled up to his chin, like he’s a five-year-old who’s moping because he’s lost his favourite toy.

But the difference is, this toy isn’t just hiding under the couch. He’s at his own house, getting on with his own life. Even after he told Geoff that he loved him. Geoff still can’t believe that it actually happened, and he’s still convinced it was a mistake. Just something Aden said to make leaving easier -- but he was wrong. If anything, it made it that much harder.

Irene doesn’t understand. Annie doesn’t understand. And he doesn’t expect Nicole to understand.

“What are you doing after school?” Nicole finally asks.

‘Going home to wallow in my own self pity, and figure out whether Aden was joking when he said he loved me,’ is what he thinks. What he actually says is, “Nothing. Studying, I guess.”

“Great,” she replies, suddenly gaining a lot more perk than she had a minute ago. “How about we do some last minute cramming? Because I swear, if Miles pokes his head into my room one more time asking if I need anything, then I’m seriously going to go insane.”

Geoff lets out an awkward laugh, even though she is kind of funny. Her hair is kind of messed up, falling out of her hair elastic and drooping into her eyes. “Yeah,” Geoff agrees, “Irene has been the same. It’s like our whole future is riding on this or something.”

This time Nicole lets out a giggle.

They’ve been sitting in the sun, students walking past, chatting to their friends, taking no notice. That is until Geoff feels something shift. He looks out across the grass and bitumen and feels the two pairs of eyes on him. It’s the same feeling again. That uneasiness in the bottom of his stomach, his chest tightening as the two stare at him from across the grounds. He can see their outlines, one taller than the other, bags slung low over their shoulders. He can feel them watching him, Sterling and David, and it sends a shiver up his spine. He’s feels trapped, like he’s in the bathroom again, his breath catching in his chest.

Now Nicole is watching as well, trying to decipher why Geoff is suddenly frozen, eyes staring straight ahead, colour draining from his face.

“Don’t worry about those guys. They’re jerks,” she comments.

“I know.” Geoff is not going to disagree with that.

Then she’s standing, holding out her hand to Geoff. “Come on,” she says, waiting for him. It’s an almost immediate change. It only takes a second and he takes her hand, getting to his feet. It’s warm and comfortable, no spark at all, just a soft glow, some sort of protection, and he forgets about the figures.

-

They are surrounded by books and papers; Nicole has a pen pushed through the back of her pony-tail so it’s always within arm’s reach. Geoff lets out a content sigh, placing his empty bowl on the coffee table. They’ve been through about two litres of ice-cream in the last few hours, splattered with chocolate topping and sprinkles. Nicole’s idea. But now he’s on such a sugar rush that his fingers keep twitching, scratching at his skin, like it doesn’t quite fit right. Everything seems a little bit funnier, even Nicole, who has adopted a very unique studying position. She’s upside on the lounge, feet hanging over the back, blood rushing to her face. Her cheeks are rosy and she’s holding a set of notes to her eyes. Geoff can see her pupils darting across the page.

“I don’t think all this,” he motions to the mess they’ve created, “was such a good idea.”

“What are you talking about?” Nicole tosses her page aside and rests her hands on her stomach, lips forming an upside-down smile, “This is awesome.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten this much ice-cream in one sitting. Ever.”

“Then you’re missing out,” Nicole replies. In an instant she’s right-side up. She grabs the edge of the couch as her feet hit the floor and blood drains rapidly from her face, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

Geoff just kind of half smiles. Spending the afternoon with Nicole, chatting about deadlines and course work, it’s a nice change. Not that he’s forgotten about Aden, but when he’s hanging out with Nicole, he can push his thoughts to the back of his mind, focussing on what’s in front of him, not what is behind closed doors.

“Do you feel ready?” Nicole asks.

“Not really,” Geoff replies honestly. He’s been flipping through chapters in his history book for the past hour, reading the same passages over and over, hoping that something, anything, is retained.

“Me either,” she decides, leaning back into the cushions, pulling her feet up under her body. Geoff clambers on the couch beside her, wobbling slightly as he unfolds his legs from his previous sitting position on the floor.

“So, uh -- have you spoken to Aden lately?” Geoff hates himself as soon as he says it. It sounds stupid and whiney, and is not helping with his plan not to dwell on things. Nicole doesn’t actually look that surprised. She glances across as him, cocking one eyebrow.

The sugar rush must have come to an abrupt halt, because Geoff feels the colour drain from his cheeks. The mood changes, like the flick of a switch.

Nicole opens her mouth, about to answer, but Geoff cuts her off.

“Actually, don’t worry. Forget I asked.” He’s telling himself that he really doesn’t want to know. He really does.

“It’s okay, you know,” she says. “To miss him.”

Geoff just kind of stares. He can feel his mouth go dry, stomach dropping. She knows. And that is scarier than anything else. It’s more terrifying than liking Aden. Loving him? Geoff doesn’t know. It’s more frightening than wanting to kiss him in public, tell him things he’s never told any girl. He can see the faces of Sterling and David, leering over him, calling him things he’d never call himself, let alone anyone else. The way they laughed, jeered as their fists collided with his face. Making him feel useless, pathetic -- and for the first time since the trawler -- actually thinking that this whole thing is wrong.

Nicole wrinkles her brow, obvious concern, etched on her face. Geoff knows he should say something, try to repair the damage, or something. Geoff really doesn’t know.

“How --?” Geoff’s voice cracks, and he can’t even finish.

“I’m not stupid,” Nicole replies. Geoff feels like there should be a joke in there somewhere, but right now, he just can’t. “I still talk to Aden, you know. About school, Roman, Belle,” she stops, letting out a small sigh. “Mostly though, we talk about you.”

Geoff really doesn’t want to have this conversation. Not now, not ever. He can already hear something change in her voice. A slight strain, the effort it takes to keep her tone even, Geoff can sense it all. He hangs his head a bit, avoiding her gaze. He thought things were going well, good even. They were talking, having some sort of fun, bonding over their hatred of exams, and Geoff had to go and ruin it all by bringing up Aden.

This is more awkward than he could have envisioned. Sitting on your lounge with your ex-girlfriend beside you, talking about another guy, who she not only dated, but also lived with for a period of time. Yeah, that’s beyond awkward. It’s like some weird reality tv show where all the contestants are locked in one house and they all end up pairing up and then switching partners mid-way through the episode.

He’s also not sure how he feels about Aden talking about him behind his back. Sure, maybe he mentioned Aden once or twice to Annie, but that is totally different. This is Nicole, and by the sounds of it, they have covered more detail than Geoff likes. More than he can deal with right now.

“After Belle died, I never thought I’d see Aden happy again,” Nicole confesses. “I always wished that I could have done more to help, to somehow make everything easier. But no matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to get it right. I couldn’t figure out what it was that he wanted. What he needed,” She’s looking at him pointedly now. Geoff doesn’t move. “And then he came back from the trawler one night, and he was just -- different. I don’t know how to explain it. Like, this weight had been lifted, and he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Nicole reaches out and takes his hand, and Geoff suddenly feels clammy all over again. His palms are sweating and maybe shaking just a little, but hers are certain, rock solid.

“You did that.”

They just sit for a moment, studying and exam stress well and truly abandoned.

Geoff finally looks up, almost dreading having to look at her face. Ready to see the disappointment, the disgust, the same look he sees in the back of his mind every time Aden reaches out and touches him, and making Geoff wonder how Aden could possibly stand to be around him. But her eyes are wide, not from shock, but something else. Geoff thinks it might be awe. Her smile is easy, relaxed, and the knot in Geoff’s stomach loosens slightly.

“I don’t know how --” Geoff begins.

“I don’t think Aden does either.”

“And you’re --?” And you’re okay with this? You’re not angry? You’re not mad that Aden is happy, and it’s not with Belle? There are so many things he wants to ask, but doesn’t have the confidence.

Nicole just nods, and Geoff thinks that is more than enough. More than he deserves.

“Which is why,” Nicole stresses, “you need to go in there and ace these exams.”

Geoff does what he can. He reaches out and pulls Nicole into a hug, squeezing her small frame into his chest. Her arms automatically reach around his neck, and she hugs him back.

“Thank you,” Geoff whispers.

And just like that the mood shifts again. Nicole is tossing her pen at Geoff, which narrowly misses his eye mind you, and she thrusts some papers at his chest, demanding that he quiz her. They spend the afternoon like that, trading questions and answers back and forth, and much to Geoff’s surprise he doesn’t completely suck.

It’s scary really, how much Nicole knows with Geoff saying so little. He probably should be mad at Aden for disclosing something like this, but he’s not. He would be kidding himself if he thought he could keep them a secret. Particularly in a small town, these things have a way of getting out whether you like it or not. And on the one hand, he’s kind of glad he’s got someone, someone who isn’t Aden, someone who kind of understands. But on the other hand, he knows that once more people start finding out, they aren’t all going to be as accepting as Nicole.

But Nicole smiles, this small smirk playing on her lips each time Geoff starts to drift. The idea that he’s never going to pass the last of his exams, or his mind just wanders to what Aden might be doing at that moment. It’s like she can read his thoughts, playfully nudging him, yanking at his attention and drawing it back to what’s in front of him. For that he is grateful.

They sit their last exam together, and every time Geoff looks up from his page and glances across, she’s sitting beside him. In every instance she takes a second, looking up from her own work to smile, or poke out her tongue, or roll her eyes in his direction. It makes it bearable, and the time ticks on. Every second passing is a second closer to this all being over.

And Geoff can’t wait.

--

[Jen]

Thank you so much Chipsferryroxmisox, Red Ranger 1 and Carina. I really appreciate your comments .

--

Chapter 15

Geoff thinks he might be ready to pass out.

His stomach is in knots and he can feel his lunch like it’s a rock, sunk way into the bottom. Each breath he takes is shaky and manages to rattle inside his chest. It’s ridiculous, he knows, to be so worked up about this, but he can’t help it.

It’s been 6 days. And against the 365 days in a year, it’s not that much. But when Geoff considers that he’s been without Aden for 6 days, he wonders how he managed it. No calls, no texts, no face-to-face communication whatsoever. Geoff’s maintenance of sanity has a lot to do with Nicole, and he has to remind himself that once he’s all back together again that he needs to thank her. Like, really thank her.

He got a single text from Aden, at 3:30pm on the dot, the instant his exam finished, with a single word – home.

So now Geoff is standing on the front door step, hand raised, ready to knock. But then he stopped. Completely stalled. He knows it’s stupid. He hasn’t knocked on Aden’s door for so long, always just kind of assumed he was allowed in. But after all this time, despite the way Aden said he felt about him, he can’t bring himself to do it. There is this little nagging voice in the back of his mind asking the one dreaded question. What if Aden has changed his mind?

Aden can’t stop pacing. He sent the message off at exactly half-past three, although he toyed with the words for about ten minutes prior to that, and now he’s forced to wait. He glances down at his watch. It’s only been fifteen minutes. Realistically, if Geoff sprinted from the exam room as soon as he was finished he could probably make it in ten. This thought does little to comfort Aden.

Nicole had become his go-between since he put the bar in place. He started with simple text messages. Asking her how her studies were going, what she was doing at that instant, whether Liam was still trying to become the next Hannah Montana, or whatever. All in an effort to distract himself enough so that he didn’t call, text or go around and see Geoff. Because if he did, he probably wouldn’t leave, and that wouldn’t be good for either of them.

It seemed kind of embarrassing at first, admitting to Nicole about how he felt. She was close to Belle, he knew that, but thankfully her liberal upbringing meant that she wasn’t frightened easily. So one day he’d invited her over for dinner. Sitting at the table, they’d just finished with desert when Aden tried to broach the subject.

“So, how’s the studying really going?” he’d asked.

“I swear if I ever set foot in a library again after this, it will be too soon,” she’d said as way of reply.

“And -- and what about Geoff?” he’d asked, his voice coming out wobbly and unsure. He really hated that it sounded like that.

Nicole had kind of cocked her eyebrow as though she was examining him, wondering if he was joking.

“I know he’s started back, and I remember what it was like to repeat year 12, I was just wondering,” Aden had tried to explain. It wasn’t the full story, nowhere near. But it was enough, for now.

“I don’t know,” Nicole replied, still eyeing Aden wearily. “I haven’t really spoken to him.”

“Do you think you could?”

“What? Like I’m supposed to check up on him?” she asked sceptically.

“Yeah,” Aden said. “That would be good.”

Nicole considered this for a moment. Her eyes darting from her empty plate, to Aden’s face. She picked up her glass of water and took a sip, as though this was some massive decision that really took some thinking.

“Okay,” she finally decided. “But only if you tell me why you’ve suddenly developed such an interest in one Geoff Campbell? Thinking about brushing up on our Bible studies are we?”

Aden tried to give her some sort of threatening glare, indicating that he really didn’t want to explain. When he was with Geoff in his living room, watching movies and maybe cuddling a bit on the lounge, he could pretend this whole thing didn’t affect anyone but them, and therefore wasn’t anyone else’s business. But Geoff had already had to divert the attention away from Annie, and had copped more flack than he had, so it was really only a matter of time before other people got involved. As much as Aden hated that idea, it was true.

Aden sighed, “Just promise me one thing. That this stays between us.” Nicole nodded and waited for him to start.

She’d heard him out. Starting with how Geoff had saved his life on the trawler, and the events leading up to now, how it was so hard for them to be apart. It really did make it sound like they were some sort of couple, but Aden wasn’t prepared to give it a label. It almost wouldn’t do it justice. It also wouldn’t be fair, making a promise of something he couldn’t guarantee. A future. Together.

Aden paused. Waiting.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to make some joke about how I’ve turned into a complete girl and should probably join a convent,” Aden said darkly.

“I thought about it, but decided against it,” Nicole replied.

Nicole looked confused for a moment, eyes searching his face. Still waiting for the punch line probably. But it’s not coming. This is the most unfunny joke Aden has ever had to tell.

“I have to say when you invited me over, this is not what I was expecting,” Nicole said. “In the future you should probably consult me before making any more inadvisable life choices.” She quirks an eyebrow in his direction. “Unless. Do you want to make inadvisable life choices with Geoff?”

Aden shrugs. “I think we’re sort of friends. Or least, we were, before I completely screwed everything up.”

“So, basically you want my help?”

Aden gave a non-committal shrug. “Yeah, maybe, I dunno.”

“Wow, could you be any more vague.” Nicole deadpanned.

“You’re not running away,” Aden observed.

“You know me. I’m not a runner.” She looked up, eyeing him seriously. “You need to answer me one thing. When you’re with Geoff, are you happy?” Aden had nodded. “Then that’s good enough for me.”

Now Aden is wondering whether he should have gone to a bit more trouble. He had just been so eager, so on edge, about everything that he hadn’t even changed out of the clothes he was wearing on the trawler that morning. But then there was a small tap on the front door and Aden didn’t have any more time to dwell on things.

Aden was feeling frustrated as he opened the door, hoping he could get rid of whoever it was quickly so they wouldn’t be there when Geoff arrived. But then he swung open the door and looked up to see Geoff standing before him.

There is an awkward moment as both Aden and Geoff stand before each other. It has only been 6 days, but somehow it seems like whatever ground they had travelled previously, has just disappeared.

Geoff kind of gives Aden a tight-lipped smile, but he doesn’t make any sort of move. Aden knows he should do something. He should want to rip Geoff inside, turn him into a bad Christian, and fulfil this want he’s had for so long, but for some reason he can’t. He’s perfectly happy to stare, taking in the beauty of his blue eyes, his slightly pink cheeks, and just how young he looks with his school bag slung on one shoulder and tie hanging loosely around his neck.

“Uh, come in,” Aden finally stutters.

Geoff ducks his head slightly as Aden steps back and allows him inside. Geoff just kind of looks around in bewilderment, as if he’s trying to work out whether anything has changed since the last time he was here. He puts his bag down and turns back to face Aden who has just closed the front door, and maybe locked it too. Just to be on the safe side.

“So,” Aden says, “How was the final exam?”

Geoff just kind of shrugs. “It was okay, I guess.” Aden nods. It’s all very conservative really, and kind of annoying. If they are going to do this thing, Aden thinks they should start now and make up for some lost time. “Nicole’s been really good.”

“Yeah,” Aden agrees. “She has.”

Geoff is just standing there, shifting from one foot to the other and looking away from Aden’s face. Aden can hear his heart pounding inside his chest, and it’s a surprise that Geoff hasn’t said something about how loud it is. There is this uneasiness in his stomach to match as he takes a step forward and casually drags his finger along Geoff’s tie. He can see Geoff immediately stiffen, a shiver radiating from his body. His cheeks flush pink and Geoff finally looks up, locking eyes with Aden.

Aden takes a fistful of material and steps forward so their chests are practically touching. He leans in, grazing his lips along Geoff’s collar, taking in his scent. He smells of soap, something like lemon, and Aden finds himself licking his lips, trying to taste without laying his lips on him. Not yet. He can hear Geoff breathing, these erratic breaths that he’s trying hard to control.

“I’ve waited,” Aden says, voice low and breathless. “There’s nothing stopping us now.”

Geoff nods, and lets out a small whine, like he can feel the heat between their bodies, even through their layers of clothing. The tension building as each second passes.

Finally, Aden moves, grazing his lips against the exposed skin of Geoff’s neck. His first two buttons are popped open, exposing a scatter of freckles and slight suntan. Aden hears Geoff take in a sudden breath, his eyes falling closed.

Glancing up at Geoff’s face Aden reaches up and touches his finger on his bottom lip, feeling its softness, a contrast to his own, his blood beginning to pump harder in each moment. Then Aden closes his own eyes and presses his lips to Geoff’s, and it’s like the very first time. He can feel Geoff completely unravelling under him.

He starts off gentle, single kisses, only a couple of seconds long. But then grow longer, less safe as Geoff reaches forward and tugs Aden closer, stepping in and placing his knee between Aden’s legs. He can feel the heat on his hips, the tingle on his lips with each of Geoff’s touches.

But it’s not enough. In between trading kisses Aden slips in his tongue, grazing along Geoff’s teeth, willing him to open. He does, and it’s warm, and slick and wet as their tongues glide past one another.

Getting kind of clumsy, Aden drags Geoff, still holding on to his tie, towards the lounge. He tries his best to keep his eyes closed, savouring this moment, more than any of the others. But he kind of knocks the edge of one of the arm chairs and stumbles down into the cushions, consequently pulling Geoff down on top of him.

This could be seen as a bad thing, but it just makes it easier. Aden moves his hands around Geoff’s waist and presses him close, anchoring him down, so even if he wanted to get up he couldn’t. But Geoff is kind of laughing breathlessly against him now, causing Aden to get more teeth than mouth. He pulls away just for a moment, evaluating Geoff’s expression.

He’s smiling, broad and showing all of his teeth, and it makes Aden’s heart swell. Like he wishes he could make Geoff smile like this every day. There is something too earnest and naive about him that Aden finds endearing. Something that should be protected, treasured, for as long as possible. But he’s not sure how long he can hold some of his thoughts, (desires, wants) inside.

“Missed you,” Geoff kind of mumbles into Aden’s chest. He’s really blushing now, his face a bright shade of pink, all the way from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

“Me too,” Aden murmurs in reply. He’s stroking at Geoff’s hair, letting the strands fall between each of his fingers. He places a kiss on Geoff’s temple, taking in a deep breath, surrounding himself in a bubble of just them.

Geoff didn’t realise how much he would miss this. Being able to be so close to Aden, give everything of himself over to Aden, let him do whatever he wants. He feels Aden’s lips on his skin, they creep down closer to his mouth. He tugs at Geoff’s bottom lip, hands securely at his hips, weaving their way around the loops of his jeans, fingering at the elastic of his boxers. His kiss is long and lingering, finding its own rhythm easily. And as he kisses him, Geoff finds himself making a decision. He will never pull away from this again. Whatever Aden wants, whatever he needs, he will do it. Because all he wants in return is to be with him.

Aden stops, only momentarily, his mouth still hovering so close, Geoff can feel his warm breath. “You going to stay this time?”

Geoff just gulps, “You want me to?”

Aden nods and leans in for another kiss. It’s like a drug. He’s getting high off Geoff. From being able to be with him, protect him, make him happy. His mind is fogging as every minute passes, movements becoming incoherent. The only thing he knows he wants, is to hold on tight, and never let go.

“Then I’m here,” Geoff murmurs in reply.

They end up sprawled on top of Aden’s bed. A tangle of limbs and body heat, the window wide open with a cool breeze wafting over them.

The wind is cold as the sun sets, the heat form the day dissipating into the air. Geoff feels himself involuntarily shiver. Aden chuckles, his chest rising and falling as he laughs. He tilts his head and watches Geoff happily. “You cold?”

“No,” Geoff says just to put up a little bit of a fight. But Aden ignores him, reaching out and sliding his hand around Geoff’s hips, pulling him close, so he fits easily against his side. And yeah, Geoff is kind of warmer now.

Geoff rests his head on Aden’s chest and he can hear his heart beating. A steady thumping from somewhere deep inside and it’s comforting. He lets out a sigh, thinking that nothing could ruin this moment. But his thoughts are interrupted by a shrill ringing and Aden groans, and Geoff feels him move out from underneath him, reaching out to grab something off his bedside table.

Aden glances down at his phone, tapping his fingers lighting on the keypad. A smile creeps over his lips, turning them into a smirk. “It’s Nicole,” he says by way of explanation. “She wants to know if it’s safe to come over.”

“What do you think?” Geoff asks, tilting his head upwards at Aden’s face.

“Hmm,” Aden muses. “I think we need ten more minutes.” He leans down, lips grazing along Geoff’s temple, eyes closing and Geoff settles back into Aden’s side.

--

[Jen]

Chapter 16

Aden relaxes back into the lounge, feet propped up onto the coffee table, even though Geoff has told him it is rude. Geoff is sitting on the floor, cross-legged, near Aden’s legs. His shirt is un-buttoned, tied discarded somewhere upstairs, hair slightly unkempt. But he feels good, content really.

Geoff had expected things to be weird, if not different than how they were before. He was prepared for Nicole to put in a brief appearance, and then disappear again because of the awkwardness between the three of them. But really, the opposite occurred. When Aden opened the door she immediately pushed two paper bags stocked with food into his arms, stating that even though she was a girl, it didn’t mean she was cooking for two fully grown boys, who could eat their own weight in steak, before she even said hello.

Geoff heard the commotion as Aden retorted that he would have been happy to cook for them all, but he only had tins of baked beans in the cupboard. As he descended the stairs, Nicole looked up shooting Geoff a broad grin. As soon as he reached her, she pulled him into a hug.

“You okay?” she whispered.

“Yep,” Geoff replied before they let go.

This is the third night in a row Nicole has shared dinner with the two of them. Geoff thinks he will never get sick of this, as Nicole places her empty plate on the table, while she tucks her feet up and under her body as she sits in one of the single arm chairs.

“I had better be careful otherwise I’m never going to fit into my dress,” Nicole says. She pushes her plate further away from her body, just to make sure, eyeing it suspiciously. Like maybe more food will appear and she’ll be forced to eat it.

“Dress for what?” Aden asks.

“The school formal,” she replies like, ‘Duh, everyone knows that.’ But clearly Aden didn’t. He looks across at Geoff who quickly averts his eyes and begins to stack away the dishes with an excessive amount of noise. Almost like he really doesn’t want to talk about this.

“When is it?” Aden asks, ignoring Geoff as he gets up from his place and stalks off, plates piled into his arms.

“A couple of weeks,” she pauses, glancing in Geoff’s direction, who has disappeared in the kitchen, before looking back at Aden. “You really didn’t know?”

“No,” Aden replies. There is a loud crash as Geoff unloads the dishes, exerting just a little bit of extra force as he puts them into the sink. Aden cringes and Nicole jumps at the noise.

There is silence as Geoff finishes cleaning up, scraping cutlery together, banging pots and pans as he goes. Neither of them broach the topic again, or rather, any other topic of conversation, because as the silence drags Nicole abruptly stands and declares that she has to go.

“I’d better drop in on Liam,” she says as she picks up her handbag from the coffee table. “He said something about a new song,” she gives Aden a hug and waves to Geoff who is still in the kitchen, his face shadowed in the darkness.

“Thanks for coming over,” Aden says as he closes the door behind her.

Then it is just the two of them again. And normally Aden would be all for that, but suddenly there appears to be a giant elephant in the room, or rather in the kitchen, where Geoff is still hiding.

“You don’t have to hide,” Aden says as he walks across the living room.

“Who says I’m hiding?” a muffled voice replies.

Aden lets out a sigh, and flicks on the light. Geoff is standing by the sink, his back turned to the doorway, plates and bowls on either side. He looks as though he thought about starting to wash up, but then kind of stopped before he even started. His shoulders are hunched over, and Aden can see the tension in the back of his neck.

“Then do you want to explain to me what that was all about?” Aden asks, leaning casually against the door frame, folding his arms across his chest.

“What was what all about?”

“Do I really have to spell it out?” Aden says with a long sigh. “Why did you go all weird when Nicole mentioned the school formal?”

“I didn’t go all weird,” Geoff retaliates, but there is no real bite in his comeback.

“Sure,” Aden scoffs. He takes a couple of steps forward, and Geoff can sense him approaching from behind. Even without seeing him, he can tell how close he is, can anticipate it as Aden slips his hands around Geoff’s waist. Reluctantly, Geoff turns, and instantly he’s looking directly into Aden’s eyes. He quickly looks away, because he has admitted some pretty stupid things because he looked into those eyes, and right now he is trying to remain in control. “Come on, Geoff. You can tell me.”

“It’s nothing,” Geoff says with a pitiful half-shrug, still not looking up. “I’m just not going to the formal.”

“You’re not going? Why?” Aden sounds as though he is genuinely surprised.

“Because.”

“Because why?” This is getting ridiculous.

“Because,” Geoff’s voice is suddenly quiet, a shyness coming over him.

Aden sometimes forgets that this is new to both of them. To Aden it feels like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and most of the time it appears that Geoff feels it too. Aden is happy to quickly become accustomed to having Geoff stay late, watching him as he wanders out of the shower, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water on his cheeks. He forgets that Geoff has only just finished school, has things he still might want to do before he abandons it all, is forced to grow up. On that level, Aden is ahead, and sometimes he forgets that he has to wait for Geoff to catch up. Like going to the school formal. Aden has already been there, has already graduated. But for Geoff it hasn’t even happened yet, and Aden doesn’t want to be the one who stops him from having all of that. Geoff clears his throat. “Because, I can’t go to the formal with who I want.”

Aden stops, a breath catching in his chest.

“I thought that if I didn’t say anything then the night would just come and go, and I wouldn’t have to think about it.”

“But Geoff, you have to go.”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s all about girls in dresses and awkward dancing. Who really needs that?”

“You do,” Aden says.

“No, I don’t,” Geoff replies, a determination edging into his voice. “I don’t want to go if I can’t go with you.” There he’s said it, and he finally looks up into Aden’s eyes. He forgets sometimes how beautiful he is. Sometimes he takes it for granted because he spends so much time with him. He forgets how his eyes are blue with flecks of green and brown, how his lips automatically curl up into a smirk when he’s thinking. And then, in moments like this, when they are standing in Aden’s kitchen, crowded up against the sink, dirty dishes piled either side, Geoff is blown away again.

“But I got to have my formal, and now it’s your turn. You shouldn’t have to miss out on it because of me,” Aden says, pleading almost.

“I’m not missing out on anything.” He says it with such certainty, that Aden actually believes him. Geoff leans forward, tucking his hands into Aden’s chest and burying his head in the crook of his neck. He takes a deep breath and Aden pulls him in closer. Despite the fact that Geoff says he’s okay, Aden can’t shake the feeling that he is only saying it to please him.

Geoff did not end up spending the night, despite the fact that Aden would have been perfectly happy if he had. But Geoff had decided to go home, and he was pretty much dead on his feet when Aden dropped him at the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Geoff asks, stifling a yawn.

“Hmm,” Aden appears to consider this. “I don’t know. I was thinking about spending the day with this awesome guy I know.”

“What guy?”

Aden smirks. “Oh, he’s great. He’s just finished school so has all this free time and I was thinking we could hit the surf, and go to lunch, and just hang out.”

Geoff lets a tired smile appear on his face. It’s almost ridiculous how much he is smiling, but he just can’t help it. He steps over the threshold, turning back to Aden on the porch, his face glowing yellow under the lights.

“It’s a good thing I don’t get jealous then,” Geoff replies, voice becoming thick as sleep beckons.

“You’d better go before you pass out right here on the doorstep,” Aden says. He reaches out and pulls Geoff close, lips grazing past his ear. Geoff can hear his slow, deep breaths. Can feel the beating of his heart, perfectly in tune with the chirping of the crickets in the nearby bushes. He lets out a sigh, letting his heavy eyelids fall closed. Reluctantly, Geoff opens them again as Aden steps away, catching one final glimpse of his smile as he disappears out into the darkness.

-

It’s rather unnerving. Walking into a room, minding your own business, and then everything goes silent. It’s that awkward moment of everyone abandoning their conversations and all attention is suddenly focused you, and you can’t help but feel that they were all talking about you. So yeah, it’s unnerving and awkward, and pretty much the moment which Geoff has just had.

Nicole and Aden were in deep conversation, heads close together, lips moving rapidly, Nicole’s fingers hovering over her mobile as she gripped it tightly in her hand. But as soon as Geoff walked in they stopped. Their heads popped up like meerkats on the lookout and Geoff was possibly some deadly predator.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Geoff says, just to fill the silence.

“Hey,” Aden says, and he smiles.

Geoff quirks his lips upwards, but he can’t help but feel uncomfortable as he crosses to the lounge. Aden and Nicole are sitting so close their knees are touching, but Geoff tries to ignore this as he settles into the single arm chair. Nicole swivels so she’s facing Geoff, her glossy lips turned upwards in a matching expression to Aden’s.

“So,” Nicole begins, lengthening the vowel. Geoff just kind of raises his eyebrows, waiting for them to continue. Nicole exchanges a look with Aden that Geoff can’t interpret. “We’ve been talking.”

“I can see that.”

“C’mon, just hear us out,” Aden says.

Geoff waits.

“So,” Nicole says again, “The formal is coming up --”

“No,” Geoff cuts her off before she even gets started. Geoff can already see where this is going, and wants to stop this now before she gains momentum.

“Geoff,” Nicole says, a slight whine sneaking into her voice.

“No, Nicole. I’ve already told Aden, I’m not going.”

“Geoff, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not.” Geoff realises he probably sounds like a petulant child, folding his arms across his chest tightly and clamping his jaw. But really, he’s already explained this to Aden, and even though he knows Aden and Nicole talk, he really doesn’t want to talk about this with her.

“Geoff,” Aden says. And that is all he says as he reaches out and takes Geoff’s hand. Geoff knows they’ve always been a bit more relaxed about things when they are around Nicole, but he really wasn’t ready for this. Nor does he think it’s fair. Just holding his hand makes Geoff’s heart rate increase. The thumping radiating from his chest, palms beginning to sweat, and Aden is looking at him all ... fondly, or something, and it is not helping the situation.

He can feel himself unravelling at just that one word. One syllable. His name. And the way Aden says it. It’s like he’s hearing it for the first time, and it is the greatest new sound to ever reach his ears. Geoff can feel himself falling apart, ready to cave, and Nicole watches with a satisfied smile. Almost like they planned this whole thing.

It turns out Aden and Nicole had sort of planned everything. Within twenty minutes of huffing a sigh in defeat he is being dragged through every boutique in Yabbie Creek. Nicole grabbing hangers with colourful, silky gowns to try on, and layering different shirts and ties in Geoff’s arms. She’s disappeared into a change room, for the third time in this particular shop, while Geoff waits patiently. He can’t really understand all the fuss of dances really. Sure, it was fun last year when he went with Nicole, but back then he was actually dating her, as opposed to now, where he is watching her decide between a fuchsia coloured dress with toile under the skirt and this other blue one that is floor-length with a halter-neck, so as to impress her current boyfriend, and not him. All he had to do last year was turn up and not forget the corsage. But then they all got locked inside the hall and things went from amazing to psycho in record time. So yeah, Geoff isn’t thrilled about trying for second time lucky.

“-- I think I like the blue one better,” Nicole is saying from behind the curtain, and Geoff expects her to walk out in the royal blue dress she’s already tried on once, just for confirmation that it does actually look good on her. But let’s face it, Nicole could wear a paper bag and she would still look great. Geoff doesn’t say this out loud of course. He just straightens up and waits.

The curtain is drawn back and Geoff thinks for a minute that he might have accidentally been standing in front of the wrong room. Because instead of the plain blue dress, the only thing he sees is sparkles. Lots of them. Little bits of diamond twinkle, even in the poorly lit store, and Geoff is left speechless. Nicole walks towards him in the long, strapless gown, a shining mirror ball, and even though she only has her hair pulled back into a loose pony tail, and her make-up has faded, Geoff thinks she looks incredible.

“Wow,” is all Geoff can manage. Nicole looks up from her feet as she takes a couple of cautious steps forward.

“What do you think?” she asks.

“It’s ... wow.”

“Thanks,” she says with a bit of a chuckle, taking Geoff’s lack of coherent words as a compliment.

Geoff clears his throat and steps forward beside her as Nicole inspects herself in the mirror. She turns, looking over her shoulder at her reflection while Geoff also watches. “Seriously, Liam is going to be blown away.”

Nicole stops, her eyes flicking away from her dress and how it fits, up to Geoff’s face, staring at him through the mirror.

“I’m not going with Liam,” she says.

“I just thought...” Geoff trails off.

Nicole turns and faces him, lights dancing off her skin as it reflects the jewels of the dress. “I’m not going with Liam. He’s not really interested in the school stuff,” she says with a bit of a shrug, but she doesn’t seem upset. “I was actually hoping,” she pauses, hesitating slightly, “to go with Aden. Aden was saying that the reason you didn’t want to go in the first place was because you guys couldn’t go together. So I just figured, that if he went with me ... then at least he would be there,” Nicole finishes breathlessly.

Geoff just kind of stares at her, finally forcing himself to blink. “You would -- You would do that? For me -- us?”

Nicole nods. “Yeah, I mean. It’s not a big deal or anything, just. I know it won’t be the same as you actually going together, but --”

“It’s amazing, Nic,” Geoff says, reaching forward and pulling her into a hug. It’s slightly harder than Geoff anticipated, because the little crystals on Nicole’s dress seem to catch on all the threads on his shirt and simultaneously scratch his arms, but it’s worth it. She kind of lights up as they pull apart, smiling up at him.

“You think this is the one?” she asks, and Geoff nods. Yeah, this is the one.

--

[Jen]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful comments Red Ranger 1, Chipsferryroxmisox and Carina. Also Anaya for sidelines cheerleading!

--

Chapter 17

Ruby seems genuinely excited to be going to the formal with Geoff. Geoff doesn’t quite understand why, but either way he did feel the relief sweep through him when she said yes to his invitation. It was Nicole’s idea really, to have Geoff take Ruby, while she brought Aden. At least that way, it appeared like everything was normal. Or acceptable, really.

And Ruby looks cute, too. She keeps twirling around in her flouncy orange dress, letting the skirt whip around her body, showing off her legs in her strappy silver heels. But Geoff is having a hard time keeping his eyes on Ruby, particularly when she’s spinning like that.

It’s making Geoff feel nauseous.

The plan was to meet at Nicole’s. It was designated as head quarters for both the girls to get ready, and do whatever it is that girl’s do before going to the formal. Geoff just keeps fiddling with his tie, and putting his hands in his pockets, out of his pockets, in his pockets, while the girls make the final adjustments. Geoff is watching from the corner as Nicole pulls a piece of hair out of Ruby’s face, and Ruby uses her finger to smudge some sort of glittery stuff on Nicole’s cheeks. It’s so easy, simple, uncomplicated for them to just touch each other like that. The fact that Geoff and Aden have to go with separate dates tonight is testimony to the fact that they can’t do that. Even though Geoff might want to.

Just the thought of having Aden trace easy patterns over his skin. Have his fingers wander down from his face to his neck, slowly undoing the buttons of his stiff-white shirt, until it is just skin on skin, with absolutely nothing between them. Just that thought alone makes Geoff’s stomach flip-flop, turning over on itself before sinking down, with the realisation that it is nothing more than a thought. Some sort of distant fantasy, that is yet to be realised. That will never be realised.

Geoff is feeling like this whole night is one big mistake. At least if he was sitting on Aden’s lounge, eating toasted cheese sandwiches and watching movies he would know what to expect. Right now, he has no idea. He goes back to fiddling with his tie, but Nicole catches his eye and walks over to him. In her tall heels, she meets him eye to eye; batting away his hands from the material he keeps touching.

“You look fine,” she assures him as she tightens his tie, straightens his collar. She’s dusting off the shoulders of his black suit when there is faint knock at the door. “Hey.”

Nicole is smiling bright and saunters over. Geoff can’t even look, so instead he focuses on Ruby, as she tucks a piece of curly hair behind her ear and smiles in the direction of the doorway, her pink gloss shining.

“Hi,” a deep voice replies, and Geoff can only hear some sort of shuffling. No doubt Nicole is pulling him into some sort of hug. “You look amazing.”

“Geoff.”

He can’t delay it any longer. His heart his pounding in his chest, he can feel his temperature rising. He really wants to ditch the jacket, and maybe the tie, but knows he can’t. Knows it really won’t make a difference. So, he turns and just inside the doorway in a matching plain black suit is Aden, looking every bit the perfect date. Nicole is now wearing a matching corsage, a pale pink rose identical to the one on Aden’s suit, showing that, yes, they are a couple. It makes something sink inside Geoff as he notices this. For this night, despite his own thoughts, (ideas,) he does not belong to Aden.

“Hey,” Geoff replies with an awkward sort of nod. He has to keep reminding himself to act natural. Like, how would he react if this was Xavier or Jai or some other guy walking in. Not Aden, not in a suit, and not giving him this look that makes his heart pound just that little bit harder. It takes everything in him not to rush over and engulf him in a hug, to just touch and feel him, and ditch this entire charade. But they can’t, he can’t. Because Ruby is bouncing on the balls of her feet at Geoff’s side and slides her hand onto his elbow and is waiting to be escorted outside.

-

When they reach the dance things don’t get much easier.

The school auditorium has been decorated with streamers and balloons. Silver and red and black, dangling from the roof. There are circular tables with crisp white tablecloths at one end, the other reserved for dancing. A giant mirror ball is the main attraction, hanging from the ceiling, scattering white light over the congregation and dancing on the walls. Geoff hears Ruby gasp as they walk in and Nicole immediately takes Aden’s hand and drags him to the dance floor. But Geoff does nothing.

Instead he politely asks Ruby if she wants a drink before disappearing towards the refreshment table. It’s a nice relief to momentarily be away from the crowd. To not have to force a smile when Ruby grins up at him like this is the greatest night of her life. To not have to keep every single one of his actions and feelings in check. Keeping his heart on a very short leash for the night is exhausting. Geoff sighs, pouring himself a drink, he’s just about to put the cup to his lips when there’s a hard nudge at his side. His arm is knocked, the drink goes flying.

Geoff looks up, stunned and immediately all the colour drains from his face. He’s suddenly feeling light-headed and dizzy and his breaths become short, sharp intakes as he stares up at the face. The bow tie and white shirt does nothing to hide the fact that David is glaring at him, and Geoff hates the way that one look makes him feel. Like he has no right to be here, like he should just go and hide in the shadows for the rest of the night and pray that he goes unnoticed.

He turns to leave, just trying to get away as fast as possible without causing a scene, when there is another body pressed up against him. Sterling is behind him, acting like he doesn’t even see Geoff there. He deliberately reaches past him and grabs a cup from the table, while also passing one to David. As he does so he jabs Geoff in the side with his elbow, causing Geoff to stumble slightly, shoes squeaking against the linoleum floor.

Geoff just wishes this was over, wishes he could cower into a ball right there and then, but he knows that even through this one altercation, their faces will appear in his dreams. Every time, just when things appear to be going well, something always happens to bring all those feelings of helplessness and fear and shame flooding back.

And then, they’re gone. As quick as they appeared, they disappear. Lost into the crowd of people milling around the edge of the dance floor. Geoff searches, eyes frantic, all around the auditorium, trying to see where they went, if only so he knows to run in the opposite direction. His heart is thumping, and he knows they are long gone. They’ve done their job for the night. Scared him enough, that any idea he had of spending some time with Aden is out of the question, because they’ll be watching.

Geoff doesn’t bother with another drink, just sits down quietly at one of the back tables, hands in his lap, back hunched over.

People pass him by with ease, and he lets the feeling of invisibility cover him like a cloak. He doesn’t want to be seen, and they don’t see him. It works. The music switches to an upbeat pop song that sounds vaguely familiar and the dance floor immediately floods with students. Geoff looks up and sees one sparkly individual pushing against the flow of traffic. Nicole is edging and pushing her way passed girls in dresses and guys in suits and is making a beeline towards Geoff.

“Come on,” she says, holding out her hand. Geoff just kind of shakes his head. “I’m not going to let you sit here like a complete loner all night,” she insists, reaching out and yanking on his arm, forcing Geoff to stand. He’s dragged out onto the dance floor, and is quickly engulfed by throngs of students.

He doesn’t know how it happens, whether it was intentional or not, but he finds he’s standing beside Ruby who shoots him a happy smile. Her cheeks are flushed pink, her curls becoming a little bit loose as she bops up and down to the music. She reaches out and takes his hand, and because he is her date after all, he lets her twirl underneath it, letting himself feel the bass thump through the speakers. He moves from side to side, forgetting about Sterling and David and Aden and Nicole, and just focuses on Ruby, right there in front of him, and the fact that she is ridiculously excited. Because of him. And for some reason, this makes Geoff feel better.

Then the music switches, to a slower song, and immediately boys are pulling their girls closer. They’re placing their hands on their hips, girls linking their hands around their date’s neck and beginning to sway to the piano and strings. Ruby looks up expectantly, obviously waiting for Geoff to make some sort of move. And he does. He kind of shuffles his feet, moving forward to meet her, and he extends his hand.

Ruby places her small palm in his and steps forward, placing her other hand on his shoulder. They kind of sway from side to side, Geoff trying to keep some sort of time with the music. Other couples dance past them, obviously in their own little worlds. Geoff wishes he could do that, just keep his focus on that moment, how simple everything is. He’s here, at the formal, with Ruby, and he’s supposed to be enjoying himself.

But his mind keeps wandering. To another couple not far away. Nicole leans up to whisper something in Aden’s ear, and he beams. Like, really smiles back at her, and something stirs within Geoff. Something that makes him feel hot, and stiff, and like he wants to go over there and grab Aden by the wrist and drag him away from this whole scene. The one that makes them act like everything is normal, like they’re not putting up some kind of front, making every moment some sort of cover, for what is really going on. But it seems so easy for Aden, and Geoff identifies this deep feeling as one of jealousy.

Geoff is jealous that Aden can fit in so easily.

He hasn’t been hassled by the beverages, or cornered in a bathroom. He’s still one of the guys, Geoff figures he always will be.

Geoff stops. He’s the only one that’s not moving amidst the dancing bodies. And Ruby is looking up at him, concern and worry crossing her face. She immediately assumes that this is her fault, but it’s not.

“I’m sorry,” Geoff says quietly as he pulls away and makes a quick turn; head down and out the door.

The rest of the student body continue to dance as though nothing has happened. Oblivious to the fact that Geoff is pretty much the worst date on record, and has left Ruby all alone. But he can’t think about that, because the only thing that is occupying his mind is Aden. And how easy it is on him. From the beginning he’s always called the shots, set up the ground rules of what they could and couldn’t do. But now it is Geoff’s turn to make a decision. The one to leave, and let him be.

The breeze is cold and sharp as Geoff takes a deep breath. His chest is beginning to pound as he keeps walking, not stopping until he reaches the shore. The waves are crashing onto the sand, stirring up the particles, messing up the seaweed. It looks pretty much how Geoff is feeling. Messed up.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there. Just watching the ocean. The pattern, the repetitiveness of it. Every time the tide comes in, it always goes back out the same way. And Geoff finds himself craving that. The predictability of knowing what to expect, and therefore being able to calculate a response. Being in control, and knowing what your next move will be. Geoff doesn’t feel like he’s been in control for a long time.

Then there’s this familiar voice, and any thoughts Geoff may have had of not going back, of taking control, disappear in the wind.

“I thought you might be out here.”

Geoff turns, because really, he will always turn around.

“How did you know where to find me?” he asks.

Aden shrugs, his white shirt crinkling, “I just had a hunch.”

“You think you know me that well.” Geoff tries to say it with some sort of bite, but it comes out kind of wistful. Any anger or jealous long gone, because Aden came looking for him. Actually came to find him, like Geoff actually mattered.

Aden just smirks, and Geoff wishes he wouldn’t do that, because he is making it very difficult to stay mad at him when he’s looking like that. Aden’s hair is being tossed about in the breeze, tie fluttering at his neck. He’s ditched his formal jacket and rolled his perfectly pressed sleeves up to his elbows, and in the darkness of the deserted beach, his eyes are shining in the silver moonlight.

“Nicole wants us,” is all he says.

Geoff and Aden walk side by side back towards the school, or at least, that is where Geoff thinks they are going. He’s already preparing a better apology for Ruby in his head, but then they turn away from the brick-walled building.

“Where are we going?” Geoff asks, but Aden doesn’t answer, just leads the way.

Even though the moon shifts behind a cloud there is still a source of light. Geoff can’t figure out where it is coming from as he rounds the corner. But he looks up and sees that they are at the football field, and fairy lights have been twisted around the metal goal posts at one end.

Geoff can’t quite close his mouth as he wanders with Aden down onto the grass. He can feel the dew seeping into his shoes, and cold breeze licking at his bare neck and ears, but he doesn’t care. He sees Nicole smiling, broad and she’s waiting for them by one of the posts, dress still sparkling.

“What is this?” Geoff finds his voice and asks.

“I figured you deserved at least one dance together,” she says simply, and Geoff feels this sudden rush. This warmth radiating from somewhere deep inside, and these feelings of awe and thankfulness and hope, and he suddenly wants to give her a hug and tell her how much he loves her.

“You didn’t have to do all this,” Aden says.

“I know,” Nicole replies with a shrug, “But I wanted to. You’ve both been through so much, I just want you guys to be happy. Even if this isn’t how you imagined it would be.”

It’s then that Aden wraps her in his arms, whispering something indecipherable before letting go. Geoff doesn’t think he can wipe the smile off his face as he reaches out and hugs her.

“This is better than I imagined,” Geoff confesses into Nicole’s ear. He hears her giggle as she pulls away.

Before she leaves Nicole takes a few steps back, and Geoff notices a small portable CD player sitting in the grass. There is a click as Nicole presses a button, giving Aden a wink before disappearing into the darkness.

And then it is just them.

The oval feels excessively large for two people, and Geoff is overcome with this ridiculous need to laugh. He just can’t help it. Aden looks across at him strangely, turning up his lips into a crooked smile. But Geoff is exhausted and relieved that they are alone, but still worried that someone might notice that they are missing, and still in disbelief that he is really here. On the football field, with Aden, all alone. So he laughs.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Geoff replies with a sigh, trying to get his giggles to subside. “I just -– I don’t even know.” And he realises how lame and stupid that sounds, and suddenly he’s embarrassed. Even though they have lights, it’s still dark in every other corner of the field, the shadows of the passing clouds, hiding Geoff’s rosy cheeks.

He watches intently as Aden reaches out and takes his hand and the warmth spreads from just somewhere inside that he can’t point, flooding down his shoulders and neck, to the very tips of his fingers. Aden tugs him gently forward, edging their bodies together, hand never letting go.

On instinct, Geoff looks over his shoulder, checking just to make sure, because he can’t seem to shake the visions of Sterling and David glaring at him in his mind.

“Are you okay?” Aden asks again, noticing that Geoff is distracted.

“M’yeah,” Geoff mumbles, “Just thinking.”

“You need to stop doing that,” Aden replies, his lips turning up at the side. He takes his free hand, angling Geoff’s chin so he’s forced to look up. Making him looking into Aden’s eyes. And then it doesn’t matter. Geoff couldn’t care less about David and Sterling and whoever else might see them. Because Aden’s gazing down at him, a small smile on his lips, and they are finally together.

It is so quiet out on the field. The birds have well and truly gone to bed for the night, and everyone else is still inside the school. Geoff thinks he might hear a cricket somewhere off in the distance, but it’s kind of hard to differentiate because his heart is pounding loudly inside his chest, the thumping echoing inside his head, blocking out every other source of sound. The only thing Geoff can hear for sure is the song. The music that Nicole is letting play.

It’s almost as though the song was written for them, about them. A simple melody, just a few chords of an acoustic guitar, and three voices that sound like one.

...But I’ll be there forever / you will see that it’s better / All our hopes and our dreams will come true

Aden wraps a warm arm around Geoff’s hip, making sure they are touching, slotting his leg in between Geoff’s. While Geoff’s head is still full of thoughts, frantic ones about what will happen after, once the song ends, when they have to go back. Back to reality. Because this can’t be real, it is too good to be true. Geoff is still thinking of these things, but he lets his head fall, overcome by exhaustion, resting his forehead on Aden’s shoulder, as Aden begins to sway from side to side.

They are barely moving at all, feet not leaving the grass, but they easily find a rhythm, a way they can move together. Following one beat, one breath, one song.

... I will not disappoint you / I will be right there for you / Til the end, the end of time / Please be mine

Geoff closes his eyes, and just listens. He can feel Aden’s chest rising and falling with every breath, the occasional puff of air as he breathes out near Geoff’s neck. Aden’s heart is pounding, perfectly in time not only to the song, but to Geoff’s pulse as well. He vaguely hears him whisper something, and has to pull himself away and open his eyes to try and take it in.

“What?” Geoff’s voice is low and breathy, his throat gone dry.

“I said,” Aden replies, equally quiet, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For putting you through all of this,” Aden says with a small shrug. “I know tonight hasn’t been easy --”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I don’t want to think about that stuff,” Geoff says with a small shake of his head. “Don’t you know how long I’ve been waiting for it to just be us?”

“All night.” Aden says with a nod. Because yeah, he definitely knows. He’s stopped swaying and Geoff is rooted to the spot. He closes his eyes and feels Aden kiss him. Every bit as special and intimate and awesome as the very first time. Geoff hates it when Aden pulls away, accidentally letting out a soft moan.

He hears Aden chuckle. “Don’t worry, there’s more where that came from.”

But Geoff sighs, “But we have to go back.”

Now Aden really is smirking, no doubt about it. “Actually,” he says, “I was thinking of something else.”

--

[Jen]

Chapter 18

The bed is soft underneath their weight, pillows surround their heads and Geoff thinks he saw a tv when he first stepped into the room, but he’s really not sure. He didn’t really have time to take any of it in, because as soon as the door closed behind them, Aden was in front of him, fingers working efficiently to loosen the knot of Geoff’s tie before tossing it aside. Then his hands are so, so close, fumbling at the buttons on Geoff’s shirt, pulling them closer together. He can hear Aden panting, his breaths coming out short and sharp, in Geoff’s ear, filled with anticipation.

“You just --” Aden murmurs, “Just so good. Looked so good, all night.” He’s not really making coherent sentences, spending more time catching Geoff’s lips in kisses rather than talking.

Aden is all hands and skin, placing his palms firmly on Geoff’s bare chest. There’s just enough pressure, edging him backwards towards the bed. The mattress catches his fall, engulfing him in clean sheets that smell of citrus, and a floral bedspread. He’s left waiting, legs outstretched, hips begging as Aden begins to unbutton his own shirt. He’s kneeling over Geoff, intent stare never wavering, and Geoff just has to suck nervously on his bottom lip, keep himself from wriggling out from his own skin with anticipation.

It is a build-up like nothing Geoff has felt before. Aden bearing down on top of him, straddling his hips, stroking his stomach, while he nuzzles at his neck. He can feel his tongue, licking at his skin, awakening sensitive patches at the base of his neck, before Aden is sucking, and biting hard, finally being able to leave a mark; a mark that shows where he belongs. Or rather, to whom he belongs. Blood is pounding in Geoff’s head, through his body, surging in every one of his veins. His mind is clouding, the only thing he keeps thinking is AdenAdenAdenAden, while he holds on tightly, weaving his fingers into the Aden’s hair, occasionally catching Aden’s mouth in a sloppy and haphazard kiss, just because he can. He just lets Aden wander, explore, having nothing left to hide or fear. Because they are completely alone, and the only thing Geoff has to worry about is remembering to breathe, and to control the sounds that are coming in bursts out of his mouth.

But he’s not scared, because Aden is right there beside him, never more than a breath behind, right up to the point where they both collapse, exhausted into the sheets, that are no longer clean, just a mound of limbs and final whispers into the darkness.

Geoff is pretty sure he must be bright red. His lips feel hot and wet and he’s tired, but in the best way possible. Geoff finally gets an opportunity to take in where they actually are. It’s the first time Aden hasn’t been in his face and all over him since they arrived. Not that he’s complaining about that though. The hotel room has plush, pale carpet and heavy, floral curtains that are pulled back to reveal a deeply blue night sky, interspersed with twinkling stars.

The bed moves as Aden leans over, intertwining his leg between Geoff’s and a careless finger traces patterns down his bare chest. There is absolutely nothing between them now. All their clothes from the formal tossed onto the floor and flung over the edge of the furniture. Their bodies are sleek with sweat and Geoff thought he would be a lot more worried about this. But Aden had this dopey grin, all smirk and lips, that Geoff had absolutely no reason to say no. He shivers as Aden’s finger reaches the elastic band of Geoff’s boxers, hovering very close the edge.

“You okay?” Aden murmurs. Geoff just nods into the darkness and sighs as Aden moves his hand and interlaces their fingers under the sheets.

Geoff can make out the side of Aden’s face in the dimly-lit room. The only source of light coming from outside, the stars and the moon. And he looks so beautiful (is the only way Geoff can think to describe it) as he reaches over and tugs an arm around Geoff’s shoulder, nestling Geoff into his side. He leans his head on Aden’s chest, still hearing the same beat of his heart, still perfectly in time with his own.

“So,” Aden says, his voice low and gravely, “Was the formal everything you wanted it to be?”

Geoff shrugs, although he’s grinning. He’s pretty sure that even in the dark hotel room Aden knows he’s blushing. “It was okay, I guess.”

“Only okay?” Geoff can hear him smiling. “I was going for a little bit more than that. I did get us a room, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Geoff whispers, letting the word hang in the air.

He really doesn’t want this to end. Geoff just wants it to be the two of them and a series of kisses forever. And while the thought of a future with Aden, and only Aden, should scare him, it doesn’t. It just feels right.

The silence is broken by Aden, saying three words he has only said once before.

“I love you.”

This time there is no ifs or buts, and no ultimatum or plans to wait a little bit longer. Geoff has no doubts in his reply. “I love you too.”

He tilts his head up, looking up into the glimmer of Aden’s eyes, and keeping his own open as Aden kisses him. It still sends a tingle down his body as Aden slips in his tongue, and Geoff closes his eyes, allowing Aden to take control. He was always the one in control, and Geoff is totally okay with that.

They’ve shared a boat, a bed, stolen moments on a football field, even breaths. Now, this moment is one more instant Geoff can tuck away in his memories as something that is just between them.

They doze off to sleep like that. Geoff fitted perfectly into Aden’s side, the slow rise and fall of Aden’s chest a lullaby to put him to sleep. As the sun begins to rise, a yellow light beginning to stream through the open window, Geoff wishes they had thought to close the curtains last night. But really, when Aden was tugging at his clothes and practically vibrating beneath him, it hadn’t really been a priority.

Reluctantly, he opens his eyes, one at a time. Geoff yawns and tries to stretch while Aden sleeps on. It proves difficult as both their arms and legs have become intertwined and Geoff is kind of anchored down by Aden, making sure he wouldn’t get up and leave during the night.

Carefully, Geoff untangles their legs one at a time before slipping out from under the sheet and sitting on the side of the bed. It is only now, with daylight inching over the horizon that Geoff can actually survey the room properly, taking in his surroundings. He doesn’t want to think of it as damage, but really, that is the only way to describe it. Geoff’s black pants are at the foot of the bed, his shirt over the back of the lounge, while his tie is nowhere to be seen. Reaching over he picks up his pants, pulling out his phone from his pocket. For the first time in 24 hours he switches it on.

The screen lights up a neon yellow and Geoff waits. Only a second has to pass before it is vibrating in his hand and five, six, seven missed calls are being displayed on the screen. Geoff hears a faint groan from behind him and the bed shifts. Looking over his shoulder, Aden is stirring. His hand wanders out sleepily from beneath the sheets, feeling for Geoff without opening his eyes.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

“It’s late,” Geoff half-heartedly replies, eyes lingering on the calls. On his connection to reality, because in Geoff’s mind, there is no way that last night was real.

“Don’t care,” Aden replies, hand tugging at the sheet, waiting for Geoff to return. Geoff momentarily thinks about saying no, but just puts his phone on the bedside table and clambers back into bed.

They have breakfast in bed, before showering, separately, even though Aden was being very persistent about wanting to save the environment, and telling Geoff they should become ‘Friends for Change’ or something equally cheesy. But Geoff really just needs a moment for his brain to catch up, to take some time to process everything.

With the hot water streaming down Geoff’s back he finally thinks, a whirlwind of thoughts slowing in his mind. He really did it. With Aden. In a hotel room. On the night of the school formal. And he now has this ridiculous grin on his face, and water is dripping into his eyes as he towels off, inspecting himself in the mirror.

He doesn’t look any different. He’s still Geoff, with beach blonde hair and blue eyes, freckles across his face and a tan on his shoulders. But there’s something there, something that wasn’t there yesterday that says so much. A small purple bruise on Geoff’s collarbone, and he fingers it, enjoying the sting and throb underneath his fingertips, bringing memories flooding back. Of Aden, and the way they moved together, and feeling as though there is no way he can go back from this now. Not that he would ever want to.

Geoff promised he would be there for Aden, even before he knew what that meant and now Aden has accepted him and claimed him as his own.

When Geoff leaves the bathroom, Aden is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for him. He’s got his shirt and pants on again, now wrinkled, not worrying about his tie and jacket.

His eyes immediately flick to Geoff’s mark, and he’s absentmindedly licks at his lips. Geoff lets him reach out and touch it, gently stroking his thumb over it.

“I did that,” he says, voice wistful and almost in awe.

Geoff just nods. “Yeah. ‘S’okay.”

“Yeah?” Geoff can see Aden is almost thinking about apologising. Saying sorry for hurting him, because he knows about the last time Geoff was damaged. And how it affected him, affected them, and Aden does not want to go back there. He swore to himself that he would never see Geoff look like that again. Small, afraid, scared. So he hates the thought that he’s somehow caused this. But Geoff is okay, he’s letting him touch it, and Aden can feel his breath on the tips of his fingers as he watches.

“Yeah,” is all Geoff can manage, voice breathless.

-

Irene is not impressed when Geoff finally stumbles through the door. He would have been home sooner because they were kicked out of their room at 10, but Aden was driving and wanted to take the ‘scenic’ route home, which basically meant parking on the side of a deserted road before leaning over the handbrake and kissing Geoff.

“I want to make the most of this,” is how Aden justified it. ’Because when we get back I’m not sure how much I will get to see you’ is what he didn’t have to say. It’s what they’re both thinking.

So Irene is pretty much fuming when Geoff wanders in through the door at 11:47 in the morning.

“Where have you been?” she demands. Geoff opens his mouth, hoping something realistic and plausible is going to come out, but doesn’t even get the chance to make a sound, because Irene is still going. “All I got from Nicole was that Aden wasn’t feeling well and you were walking him home. But it doesn’t take 24 hours to walk someone home, Geoff! So you had better have a damn good excuse for why you didn’t call, mister!”

“Yeah, Aden was sick,” Geoff begins slowly. He hates lying, his Christian guilt is already beginning to weigh him down and he’s only said four words. But really, what other option does he have? “When we got back to his place he was looking pretty bad, so I stayed with him the night.” And although this is technically true, he did spend the night with Aden, he hopes Irene can’t hear the little quiver in his voice.

“And you didn’t think to call? Or text? Or let me know where you were? I was just about ready to call the cops!”

“I’m sorry, Irene,” Geoff replies, and he looks at her properly for the first time. He can see the frizziness of her red hair, the bags under her eyes, like she really didn’t sleep well, and he feels even worse. She was actually worried. “Time got away from me.”

She kind of half-shrugs, obviously too tired to keep up the argument, and for that Geoff is grateful. He really wasn’t prepared to have to invent any more of a story. He stifles a yawn as Irene picks up her purse from the kitchen counter, his own sleepiness finally catching up with him.

“I’m heading to work,” she says flatly. “There’s mail for you on the table.”

Geoff lets out a long sigh as Irene lets the door click closed behind her. Geoff wanders into the lounge room, tossing his formal jacket over the back of a chair. On the dining room table there is a business sized envelope propped up against the ceramic vase. His name is typed on the front, but it kind of blurs into nothing as Geoff’s eyelids become heavy, and the only thing he can think about is climbing into bed and sleeping for the next year.

It’s not until he’s had another four hours sleep that Geoff feels in any way human again. When he woke he expected everything from the previous night to have been a dream. But all the sensations, feelings, sounds that swarmed in his mind were just too vivid. That realisation makes him smile.

He wanders out of his bedroom to see Nicole sitting at the table. She’s looking up at him all perky and awake with her hair perfectly straightened, and Geoff can see the ties from her bikini top poking out from underneath her little blue dress, but there is something slightly awry. Like her smile is slightly strained and she’s twisting her thumbs together as he walks over.

“Morning,” she says, and there is something in her voice that isn’t as zealous as her visible appearance.

“Are you okay?” Geoff asks, pulling out a chair and sitting beside her.

Nicole just shrugs, not looking Geoff in the eye. She reaches out and takes the envelope in her fingers.

“What this?” she asks by way of avoiding Geoff’s original question.

“Don’t change the subject,” Geoff replies, prying the paper from between her hands. He doesn’t even really look at it, just folds it in half and shoves it into the back pocket of whichever pair of jeans he has thrown on. “What’s going on?”

Sighing, Nicole finally looks up at him. Geoff can see she’s tired, her foundation and mascara can’t hide the darkness around her eyes, and when she’s looking at him Geoff thinks he might be able to see a hint of sadness behind her blue orbs.

“I broke up with Liam.”

“Oh,” Geoff says, reaching out taking her hands, “I’m sorry.” Because he is. If anyone deserves to be insanely happy, it’s Nicole. She’s been so good to them, both him and Aden, that Geoff can’t help but feel a bit responsible. He also can’t help wondering how long she’s been thinking about doing this, whether she had made this decision before or after she was decorating goal posts with fairy lights and selecting music.

“It’s okay,” she says with a half shrug. “It’s for the best.”

They sit in silence for a moment, Geoff trying to work out what he should say, what he can possibly do.

“Can I ask why?”

“It just ...” Nicole starts, then stops. She opens and closes her mouth several times as if she’s trying to figure out how to put this into words. Geoff just waits. “He wasn’t the one.”

She says it so simply, like it’s not a big deal. She’s obviously upset by it, but she’s not crying or spending her time making voodoo dolls because she hates him so much. It’s strange, Geoff thinks, that she’s so okay with it.

“Oh,” is all he can think to reply.

Nicole lets out a little laugh. “Seriously, it’s okay. Yeah, I’m bummed out, but there was no point holding onto something that wasn’t going to last. I just put both of us out of our misery.”

“But I thought you were happy?”

“I was,” she catches his eye and smiles. “I am,” she urges.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she says with a sigh. Then she’s squeezing his hand and leaning across the table, angling her shoulder towards his body. “It’s kind of your fault,” she whispers.

His stomach sinks, and he suddenly feels a bit nauseous. “How?” He knew it was a bad idea to get Nicole involved in all his own drama.

But she quirks her mouth briefly, giving him a half smirk that indicates she was joking. Mostly.

“Seeing you and Aden,” she says, her voice becoming all soft and fond. “Seeing the way you are together, that’s what I want. Sure, when I was with Liam it was fun, and I really liked the guy, but it wasn’t ... that.”

“I’m sorry.” Geoff’s not really sure what he’s apologising for, but it’s the only thing he can think to say.

Nicole has just admitted that she wants what he has. It’s something he would never think anyone would say, and that’s probably the reason why he’s been so cautious to hide it from everyone else. He thought no one else would understand this inextricable pull, this overwhelming need to be with someone. Not just in a physical sense, but on this whole other level that Geoff never believed actually existed until he felt it for himself.

“Don’t apologise,” Nicole says. “I’ve never told anyone this, but I made a promise to Belle. That I would be there for Aden, to look after him. And now I truly believe he will be okay, because he has you. I guess I’m a bit jealous that he’s got everything sorted out before me.”

Geoff finds himself chuckling slightly, because really, nothing is sorted out. “Nic,” Geoff says, looking her in the eye, hoping she can see what he sees. “You’re amazing and funny and one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met. There is someone out there for you, I believe that.”

“Thanks,” she whispers, and Geoff thinks he might see her eyes being to swell with tears. But she just leans forward and rests her forehead on Geoff’s shoulder, letting out a long sigh.

--

[Jen]

Thank you so much for the reviews Red Ranger, Carina and Chipsferryroxmisox.

I think I should never be let near fanfic ever again after this chapter. Particularly fanfic of the Gaden variety.

--

Chapter 19

A/N: Warning - This chapter contains threesome kissing. Geoff/Aden/Nicole. Also drugs. Oh boy.

It doesn’t dawn on Geoff that he is actually free until he is diving head first into the salty water. He gasps as he surfaces, the fresh air being dragged into his lungs. He shakes his head, letting the excess water fly and he’s actually done it. And he has this amazing feeling of weightlessness as he looks across at Aden and Nicole, and he’s actually freaking done it. He has no more assignments, no more exams, no more deadlines, and for the foreseeable future he has no other desire than to spend endless days under the sun with Aden by his side.

With the afternoon sun hanging in the sky, bathing them in yellow light, Geoff feels warm, not just on his exposed skin, the bits that aren’t in the water, but somewhere deep inside.

Both Aden and Nicole are smiling, but then Nicole is squealing because Aden may have accidentally on purpose splashed her with water before she was ready to get her hair wet. So now she’s retaliating, lunging at him in the water, while the waves lap gently at their chins, kicking water in his face.

Geoff cops a mouthful of spray. “Hey!” he exclaims.

There is a moment of hesitation as Aden looks over, but this second is all Nicole needs. Her mouth is spread wide as she uses both her hands to splash Aden in the face. He’s now drenched from the head down. She can’t stop giggling as Aden shakes his head furiously, but he still comes out of it looking like a drowned rat.

Geoff can’t hold back his own laughter, letting the joy and pleasure come out of him.

“Oh, you think this is funny?” Aden replies, shooting Geoff his best pretend offended face.

Geoff has to concentrate really hard, biting down on his bottom lip, trying to contain his grin. He kind of manages a shrug, before Aden is splashing him in the face in retaliation. Geoff ducks under the water, swimming blindly into the blue. He only opens his eyes once he can’t hold his breath any longer. Gasping for oxygen he only gets a moments relief before, two strong arms encircle him around the shoulders from behind.

His breath still hitches in Geoff’s chest, even after all this time. He feels Aden’s cool lips pressing gently on his shoulder, sending a shiver down Geoff’s spine.

Geoff realises they’ve always been a bit more relaxed around Nicole. When they watch tv, all piled onto Aden’s lounge, Aden will sometimes reach over and begin to stroke Geoff’s arm, or they’re fingers will automatically intertwine, and before Geoff can remember that Nicole is even watching Aden is rubbing small circles into his hand with his thumb. She’s never said anything, never really looked twice at the way they interact. But Geoff can’t help but feel uneasy, like he’s rubbing it in her face, that he has someone to do this with, and she, well, doesn’t.

“Get a room,” he hears her mutter, and Geoff finds himself shrugging out of Aden’s grasp.

Aden doesn’t say anything as they climb out of the water and back onto the sand. He just says something about going to get coffees from the Diner and leaves them alone. He can see the look in Geoff’s eyes, the one that tells him something is on his mind. The one that makes him absentmindedly bite down on his bottom lip that Aden still finds irresistible.

As soon as Aden disappears over the dunes Nicole is spreading her towel out on the sand, placing her oversized sunglasses on her nose and lying back, letting the warm sunshine dry her skin. She’s kind of sparkling, Geoff observes. Small droplets of water shimmering off her golden skin and catching the sunlight. She looks so peaceful, a small smile on her pink lips and Geoff wonders what it would be like to kiss her. The thought kind of shocks Geoff, because he loves Aden, like he’s never loved anyone else in his life. But he’s curious. They’re both completely different people from when they originally dated. She has so much more depth to her now, gone through so much that Geoff just wants to comfort her. To see if it would be the same, if he could do it, if she would actually let him.

“Nic,” he says, voice coming out hoarse and faint.

She cocks her head to the side, tilting her sunglasses down on the bridge of her nose so her blue eyes are watching him. “Yeah?”

“Uh, are you – are you okay? Okay with this?” He’s not making much sense, and Nicole looks at him slightly puzzled. But then it seems to click. She sits up and pushes her glasses on top of her head.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she says.

“Are you sure? Because if you weren’t you could tell us, and we could give you space, because this must be awkward since we dated and Aden is like a brother and also you’re ex—” It comes out in one big rush before Geoff can stop himself, and he watches as a smile creeps onto her face.

“Geoff,” she says, making him stop, finally catching his own breath. “I’m sure. Besides, I was the one who was kissed by someone of the same sex first. Been there, done that,” she finishes with a shrug, like this really isn’t a big deal.

Geoff thinks he might almost believe her.

When Aden returns with their coffee they spend the afternoon sitting on the beach sipping at their cardboard cups and talking. Talking about everything – school, music, movies, holidays, summer – and nothing in particular.

The sun sets over the water, soaking them in a deep orange light as the sky becomes navy; Geoff wonders if this is what heaven is like. Sitting with your friends, people you would trust with your life, with your biggest secrets, and not having to say anything. That even if he can never find the words to explain things to Annie or Irene, and he has to keep this hidden from the rest of the Bay, he thinks it might be worth it if he can have one more night like this one.

The stars are twinkling in the clear sky, not a cloud in sight, when Nicole finally speaks.

“Kiss.”

Both Geoff and Aden look over, seeing that she’s not looking at the sky or water like the rest of them. Geoff wonders how long she’s been staring at them.

“W-what?” It comes out of Geoff’s mouth as nothing more than a whisper.

“Kiss,” she repeats, plain and simple, letting the word hang in front of them. Like it would actually be possible. But they’re at the beach, and while they are alone, it may not stay that way for long. It’s not that secluded. Geoff looks across at Aden, seeing his brow slightly furrowed, like he’s actually thinking about this too.

This is more than they’ve ever let Nicole see. And while she might be okay with them holding hands and mucking about in the water, Geoff is cautious as Aden begins to lean in. It’s risky, really risky, and they’ve been so careful for so long, making sure no one saw more than they were supposed to. Now the nerves in his brain are working in overdrive. He’s hypersensitive to Aden’s hand as he cups his cheek, his warm breath as exhales on his cheek, and his wet lips as he presses them together.

When they part, Geoff can taste the salt on his lips, he licks at it watching as Aden stares back. It’s something they’ve never done before, and Geoff can feel his heart pounding inside his chest as he waits for Nicole. For her to get up and leave, or for her to already be gone because it has all become too much. Geoff wouldn’t blame her really if this was the case.

But she’s there, eyes shining in the moonlight, and he catches her flicking her own tongue over her lips and that feeling is there again. This desire to kiss her.

Maybe it’s the adrenaline, the fact that his heart is still pounding, blood pulsing, and fogging his brain but he’s leaning forward. One hand is still connected to Aden, the other gripping the sand beneath his fingers, because Geoff feels like he’s standing on the edge of the Earth and might just be falling off. Their lips meet, and it’s soft and sweet, and exactly how Geoff remembers it. It’s familiar, and warm, and Geoff feels Aden’s hand give his a comforting squeeze.

Aden is still there, watching intently, eyes hazy, just watching as his two best friends share this moment. And even though he’s watching from the outside, he’s still part of it, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

No words are said, but Geoff pulls back and tugs at Aden’s hand, letting him scoot closer to his body, so his back is pressed right into Aden’s side and Nicole follows suit. She leans across, eyes flicking from Geoff to Aden, and then she’s kissing him while Geoff watches.

Something intimate passes through them. It’s like an electric current, flowing through a complete circuit, never breaking. Just little sparks as their bodies touch, Aden to Geoff to Nicole to Aden to Geoff to Nicole, like they could keep going like this forever. There’s absolutely no secrets, nothing left to say.

-

It’s like being in some sort of bubble. Being surrounded by your two best friends, non-stop. Doing anything and everything together. They seem to establish a routine quickly; endless days in the sun, numerous nights on deserted stretches of sand. Nicole heading home after dark, Geoff staying at Aden’s until he absolutely has to leave. Every day he seems to spend less time at his actual home, and more at Aden’s. He’s thinking in terms of we and us rather than being an individual. Geoff’s not really sure when it changed, but now it is as familiar as breathing, something that happens naturally, without even thinking.

This day starts off like any other. Geoff rises, quickly showers, doesn’t even see Annie who is still in bed, but says hi to Irene who has the morning shift at the Diner. He orders two coffees and blueberry muffins and takes them in a small brown paper bag to Aden’s house.

He knocks once but opens the door anyway, strolling in and through to the kitchen.

“Morning,” he says brightly. Aden looks up from the small round table, mobile phone grasped in his hand. His brow is still slightly crinkled as Geoff places a coffee in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

“That was Nic,” Aden replies, nodding at his phone, “She’s come down with some sort of flu thing. She’s spending the day in bed.”

“Oh,” Geoff says, face falling. “Maybe we should spend the day at hers. Make some chicken soup or something?”

Aden shakes his head. “Nah, she’s not sure if it’s contagious, so wants us to keep out distance. Although,” Aden pauses thoughtfully, “if it is contagious, I reckon we’ve probably already got it.” Geoff catches the way the corners of his lips are turned upwards, because yeah, they’ve practically been sharing the same air for the past week.

“So, what do you propose we do instead?” Geoff asks, breaking off a piece of muffin and popping it into his mouth.

Maybe it’s because everything has become routine, maybe it’s because it’s all too familiar. Maybe that’s why Aden suggests getting in his car and taking a drive. He doesn’t even recognise this deserted stretch of road when they pull over. It’s just one long strip of asphalt, tall eucalypts lining the road, right up to the very verge. It’s isolated to say the least.

The car shudders to a silent stop as Aden turns off the ignition.

“So, where exactly are we?” Geoff asks, peering out the passenger’s window.

“Do you trust me?” Aden asks.

Geoff looks across at him. He’s watching him intently, as if he’s trying to read Geoff’s expression.

“Of course,” Geoff replies, although he’s still a bit suspicious. He eyes Aden wearily, because Aden should know all of this. Geoff can’t help but think that this is all a trick. Even after all this time, everything they’ve been through, everything they’ve done, that this is all part of one big, elaborate set up. That Aden is going to suddenly switch, eyes flashing red, before Geoff is knocked out cold and dumped on the side of the road. It’s ridiculous and stupid and totally unrealistic, but Geoff’s imagination seems to be cranking into overdrive as he sees Aden glance out the back window quickly before his eyes drift back to Geoff. “Seriously, Aden. You’re making me nervous.”

“I just had to make sure,” Aden says, before he reaches over. Geoff thinks he might be going to rest his hand on Geoff’s thigh like they’ve done so many times before, but his hand drifts past and his fingers pop the latch on the glove box. The compartment flips open and Geoff isn’t sure at first what he’s seeing.

There are a couple of pens, some sort of dirty rag, but on the whole it’s relatively empty. But Aden’s fingers wrap around something small, fitting easily inside his palm. He closes the glove box as Aden fiddles awkwardly; positioning whatever is in his hand so Geoff can see.

“Oh,” is all Geoff can think to say as Aden lays his palm flat. Geoff knows what it is. He may have grown up on a farm, and maybe was homeschooled for half his life but he knows weed when he sees it. The small pile of herbs is as plain as day, and Geoff can’t understand why Aden is showing it to him. “Where’d -?”

Aden kind of shrugs. “Had it for a while.”

“And now?” Geoff can’t form complete sentences. He just keeps staring. Eyes flicking between Aden’s hand and his face and then back again.

“I was thinking we could...” he trails off, but Geoff knows what he’s suggesting.

Geoff’s seen the ads on tv, knows that it’s wrong, not to mention illegal to do drugs. And this is what it is. Aden is offering him drugs, and he hasn’t exactly said no.

“I’m not going to force you into it,” Aden says, but he’s still eyeing Geoff as he begins to roll up the joint. He has a lighter from who knows where, Geoff doesn’t even bother to ask, and inhales.

With all the windows up of the car it doesn’t take long for Geoff to begin to smell it. He crinkles his nose in reflex, wanting to wind down his window, but not wanting to at the same time. Geoff doesn’t think he could actually get high from just sitting next to Aden while he smokes, but his mind feels slightly fuzzy around the edges as Aden takes another drag.

It’s all happening with such ease. There’s no big voice over telling them both off, no giant weight of guilt as Geoff watches, as Aden smokes. It’s completely natural, and when it comes down to it, Geoff trusts Aden, with everything in him.

Geoff can already see the difference in Aden. The way his fingers kind of twitch, but at the same time he hangs loose; feet on the floor, legs outstretched, head resting back against the head rest. He looks lazily across at Geoff, who can’t seem to tear his eyes away.

He’s sitting perfectly still, as if by moving, even an inch will disrupt it all. Burst Aden’s cloud and bring them both down to reality.

It’s fascinating, Geoff realises, to see Aden in this way. So chilled and relaxed, lips quirked up into a half-smile. And there it is again. A pang of jealousy, like he’s back at the formal and Aden is dancing and laughing with Nicole and Geoff is on the outside. Geoff just wants to be part of it all, part of Aden, in every way possible. Geoff thinks he might actually want to do this. Not because he’s rebelling, or wanting to lose control of everything, get stoned or whatever, but because it’s Aden. Pure and simple. If Geoff wasn’t so caught up in everything involving Aden it would almost be scary at how much of his life is dictated by him.

It’s as if he can read his mind. Aden shifts and is moving closer, he’s slightly blood-shot eyes inching towards Geoff’s face. He takes one long drag, mouth hovering just above Geoff’s, breathing out the smoke and Geoff inhales on reflex. He coughs and wheezes and immediately pulls away, which is hard to do given the limited space of Aden’s car. But it’s nice to know his sense of self-preservation does actually still exist. Aden just chuckles.

“C’mon. Try again.”

This time Geoff is prepared for the sooty taste, the heat in his mouth as Aden takes a drag. Then using his free hand he fingers at the hair at the nape of Geoff’s neck, sealing off his mouth with a kiss. Geoff actually manages to hold it together for a full two seconds before Aden is releasing his grip and letting him heave some ragged breaths of relatively clean air. His eyes have fallen closed, head spinning and already beginning to fog.

“Okay?” Aden whispers and it’s all Geoff can do to just nod in reply. Because, oh God, he’s sitting in the passenger’s seat of Aden’s car, having just smoked pot for the first time, and he feels slightly nauseous and his throat is burning, and his lips tingle, but he can hear the smile in Aden’s voice. His pride seeps through in that one word and makes it all worthwhile. So yeah, he’s okay.

“I think I’m high,” Geoff hums. Not that he actually knows what it feels like to be high, given he’s never done this before, in his life, ever. But there’s this heat radiating from his chest and he can taste the bitterness in his mouth and maybe he wants to lean over and kiss Aden again.

“You’re not high,” Aden replies, voice even, taking one more drag before cracking open his window and tossing the remainder of the joint out. He can see Geoff’s cheeks are flushed pink and his eyelids keep fluttering closed every so often. It’s rather endearing, Aden muses, and maybe that is one of the things he loves most about him. The way that he still has this naivety, he’s still having all these new experiences, and now Aden is able to be there along the way. Aden hopes there will be many more moments like these.

Not that Aden gets high on a regular basis. But sometimes his house gets a bit lonely, and he’s feeling down about Belle or whatever, and he likes to just relax for a bit. He’s done it a couple of times before, when he’s sure no one else is around. Hell, he knows about a third of the football team routinely smoke up behind the club house, but it’s not something he normally shares. Until Geoff.

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” he finds himself asking.

There’s a moments silence as Geoff appears to think.

“You.”

--

[Jen]

Chapter 20

Maybe it’s the effect of the smoke clouding his judgement. Maybe it’s the fact that he can feel Aden’s hand pressed firmly into the small of his back. Maybe that’s why he lets Aden kiss him. He lets him press him hard into the side of his car as it’s parked in the driveway, thigh between his legs, tongue flicking in and out of his pink mouth. His mouth.

Its blissful ignorance for the seconds it lasts. But then, as quickly as Geoff is inhaling smoke and feeling like he’s flying, Annie is staring, eyes wide, face pale. And suddenly, flying feels like falling.

She turns on her heel and disappears into the house. Geoff instinctively follows, prying himself out of Aden’s grasp and running after her, not looking back.

Annie is already at the kitchen and on her way out the back door when Geoff gets there. Heart pounding in his chest, mind spinning, he calls out. She stops and turns, but still seems so far away.

“Annie.”

Her cheeks are flushed pink, he can practically see the frustration, the anger rising from somewhere deep within. Geoff has never seen his sister like this before. And he hates it. He hates the way she’s looking at him, searching him, eyes imploring.

Then she’s moving towards him, small, cautious steps in his direction. It’s like she’s walking this thin line, like some kind of boundary has been put up between them, keeping her on one side, him on the other.

“How could you do this?” she asks, voice incredibly small. She’s fifteen, Geoff knows that, she’s growing up fast, and most of the time doesn’t want him around. But right now, as she’s standing there, she looks so young, so innocent. He just wants to reach out and hold her.

“I’m sorry,” is all he can say in reply, equally as quiet.

He thinks she’s going to say something, she opens and closes her mouth several times, and he can see her turning the words over and over in her mind. But nothing comes out. She’s twisting her arms together, holding them close to her body, some sort of protection. Geoff hates that she wants to protect herself from him.

“I -- I didn’t want you to find out like this,” Geoff finally says, just to break the silence.

“You’re not like this,” she’s says. “You’re not. You told me you weren’t like this.”

“I’m not Annie, I swear. I’m just the same. I’m still your brother.” Geoff takes a step forward. He can’t stand all this distance. As if on reflex she moves away, arms still held close to her chest.

“Don’t.” She won’t even meet his eye now. “You lied to me.”

“No, Annie. I didn’t, I promise.”

“You lied, Geoff!” she exclaims, voice breaking and carrying all the way across the living room. “You told me you and Aden were only friends. You told me that there was nothing going on. You said you weren’t --”

“Annie, I --” Oh God, he doesn’t even know where to start.

“It’s a sin, Geoff! Don’t you believe that? You could go to --”

“To what? Hell! Why? Because I’m friends with Aden! Because when I’m with him, he actually makes me feel good about myself. That maybe I mean something to him!” Geoff can’t keep his voice down now. Is what he’s doing with Aden something to be punished for? “I love him, Annie!”

“No, you don’t!” she’s yelling too. “You think you do. But it’s just the devil. The devil works with lust, not love. You couldn’t possibly love him.”

“Why not? Because I’m a guy and he’s a guy.”

It was easy to agree to the commandments laid out by the church, by his grandfather, when he didn’t really know what he was agreeing to. But now, he can’t seem to comprehend that what they are doing, what they mean to each other, is something wrong. God’s greatest commandment was to love one another (as you love yourself), so how is it that what he has with Aden, everything they’ve been through, is a sin?

She falls again, like she’s being torn apart in front of his very eyes. And it’s all Geoff’s fault. That is what hurts the most.

“You said there was nothing going on. You said you weren’t like that.”

“I’m not.”

“Aren’t you? You’ve changed,” she shakes her head in disbelief. “Every single free moment you have you spend it with Aden. You’ve been on dates and you’ve -- you've --” She purses her lips into a thin line, stopping herself before she can say the word, like she catches herself before she swears.

“You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone,” Geoff tries to reason.

“No,” Annie replies, lip quivering and eyes shining with tears, “I never agreed to this.”

“Annie, please try and understand,” Geoff is begging now.

She’s staring at him like she doesn’t even recognise him, like he’s a complete stranger and he can’t stand it. He can taste ash in his mouth, and bile rising in his stomach, because he never wanted to hurt her. She’ll always be his little sister, the one person he promised his parents he would put first. From that very first moment in the hospital, when he looked over the edge of the white crib and saw her. So very tiny, like a fragile doll, with rosy cheeks and little fingers curled into fists. Geoff remembers it vividly, at this wash of adoration and love he felt surge through him as his dad murmured to him that he was a big brother. He’d nodded solemnly, determined, promising to be the best big brother ever to Annie.

He’s never let anything get in the way of that. But suddenly he also has another love. One that is just as strong, like a little warmth always hovering nearby, that he couldn’t abandon, even if he wanted to.

“You were kissing him, Geoff! I will never understand that.”

-

Aden can’t bear to watch anymore. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat watching the house. It looks normal, he thinks, so much so that any passerby wouldn’t be able to pick it. But Aden knows, can imagine, what is going on inside.

Even though they both decided, both agreed, knew what they were getting involved in, Aden can’t help but think that it is his fault. Like, he started something that has gained so much momentum and now he doesn’t know how to make it stop.

He was the one who wanted to keep Geoff there the whole time, who wanted him close, felt like he couldn’t let go. Geoff would never push him away, would tell him to leave and not come back, Aden knows this. Aden was the one calling the shots, always the one in control, but now he has no control whatsoever.

It’s exactly twenty-two minutes between Aden arriving home (alone) and Irene coming over. Or, not so much coming over, but knocking furiously on his front door and demanding that he has some explaining to do.

The thing with Irene is, she means well. Most of the time. She’s been so good to him, both him and Belle, and now she’s glaring and her hair is a slightly windswept and it makes her look a bit crazy. And Aden is just sitting on the edge of the lounge while she’s lecturing him about how Annie was in tears and was gasping out things like ‘Geoff and Aden’ and ‘kissing in the driveway’, and God, Aden just wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“Irene, I --” Aden tries to explain.

“No, Aden! You know how impressionable both those Campbell kids are!”

“In all fairness, Geoff is not a kid.” He finds himself taking the defensive route.

“Don’t start with me, Aden. What were you thinking? I know you’re still grieving for Belle, I get that, hell, I still miss her too, but going around putting these -- these ideas in Geoff’s head, that’s not how you deal with things like this.” She sits herself down beside him on the lounge and takes a deep breath.

Aden watches as she places one of her hands on his. And while he is has a million things he wants to try and say, to try and explain, his hands are solid.

“Is this about Belle?” he hears Irene ask.

“No. Yes,” Aden replies. He wrinkles his brow; this is not how he wants her to see him. He’s not confused about anything. “Everything is always going to be about Belle.”

“I know you loved her, darl,” she soothes, patting his hand.

“Yeah, and I always will. But she’s not coming back, is she?” Irene’s face saddens. She’s calmed down now, a little less irate than when she first arrived, and if Aden can only explain things, then maybe he can fix it. Repair the damage he’s caused. He doesn’t want to think about what Geoff is dealing with right now. “Belle isn’t here. Geoff is.”

It’s that simple really. Aden is just sick and tired of things being complicated.

“Maybe this is my fault,” Irene says, more to herself than him. “Maybe if I’d been around more, then I could have --”

“Could have what? Stopped this?” Aden stands, pulling his hand away. He doesn’t want to be comforted, he doesn’t want pity. He knew what he was doing, knew exactly what it was he wanted. “Maybe I didn’t want it to stop.” Aden nods. “I don’t want it to stop.”

“Aden.” Irene stands too, hand outstretched, like she wants to touch him again.

“Look, Irene,” Aden says. “I’m sorry Annie is upset, and I’m sorry you think that I’m betraying Belle, or whatever.” Irene looks like she’s about to interject, but Aden doesn’t stop. “But, Geoff was there for me when no one else was. Even when I didn’t want him. So, I’m not going to apologise for that. And if you can’t accept that, then you can go.”

He’s standing firm, watching as Irene opens her mouth again, ready to reply. But then she thinks better of it, purses her lips, turns, and walks out, letting the door swing closed on its hinges.

-

Geoff gets as far as Aden’s driveway before he completely breaks down. He can see Aden’s car in the driveway, nothing else. Geoff assumes Irene knows, probably called around at some point, but either way she’s not here now.

His breaths are ragged, chest tight and it’s all he can do to just stay upright when he reaches Aden’s car. He lets himself fall back, sliding down the warm metal so he’s knees reach his chest. Squeezing his eyes shut Geoff feels the first tear fall. He presses his forehead into his knees, tightens his grip around his legs, bringing them closer to his body, and cries.

He can hear his grandfather’s voice in his ear telling him that real men don’t cry, but right now, Geoff doesn’t care. The only image he has is that of Annie. He can see the hurt, the anger, the disappointment. The disappointment -- That is what makes his heart clench and twist inside his chest. That he let her down, lied, and now she hates him, never wanting to speak to him again. He’s not even sure what he can say anymore. What could he possibly do to make it better? Fix it? Make things go back to how they used to be? Except.

Except, he doesn’t. It would be simpler, sure. If there was some sort of magical machine that meant he could go back to before. Before the farm, before the trawler, before Belle died. How far back did he really want to go? But even thinking about it, given the option, the choice to go back, Geoff’s not sure whether he would take it.

Because, now he has Aden. Or Aden has him. Either way, there is something between them. Something that they denied for so long, kept hidden from the outside world, and from themselves, until it was too much. Geoff is already in trouble for lying, keeping secrets, that he thinks if they hadn’t done anything about these feelings, they might be in worse shape than they already are.

But Geoff can’t get that picture of Annie out of his mind, and he feels like a failure. He’s let her down, let their parents down. He’d promised, made a vow to protect her, to look after her, and make sure she was never hurt, now. Now, it’s his fault she had tears in her eyes and hands clamped into fists. That she ran out of the house, leaving him standing there, just wishing she would come back.

Using a fist Geoff swipes at his cheeks just trying to make the tears stop. He hears the hum of an engine and he freezes. But the car passes, and Geoff heaves out a breath.

He can still feel that his lips are wet, trembling, eyelashes heavy as he lets his legs fall. His head falls back onto the door of the car with a thud, but he’s so tired. Tired of crying, tired of lying, of complications; he just wants to sleep. So Geoff closes his eyes, imagining a world where he can just be free.

Geoff thought he was free when he was done with school, then again when he was with Aden under the lights of the football field, or in that hotel room. But now, he realises, he was never really free. He’s not sure if he ever will be.

Not yet, anyway.

Geoff hears footsteps, slow, but growing louder. He forces himself to open his eyes, and staring down at him is Aden, and even just looking up at him, his chest lightens ever so slightly.

Aden doesn’t say anything, just sits down beside him on the concrete, leaning on the car. His brow is furrowed, and Geoff can see the lines under his eyes. It doesn’t look like Aden is free either.

“Sorry,” is where Aden starts.

“Me too,” Geoff replies with a sigh.

“We could try talking to them,” Aden says. The use of ‘we’ doesn’t go unnoticed.

“It wouldn’t make a difference.” Geoff can’t hide the disappointment in his voice.

“It might?” But Geoff just shakes his head. “Then maybe we shouldn’t ...”

Suddenly Geoff is wide awake, taking in Aden’s words. After everything that’s happened -- with Belle, Sterling, David, Nicole, Annie, Irene -- is Aden actually suggesting this? Geoff can feel himself panicking. His heart seems to beat faster, breaths becoming shallow as he just stares. He’s already lost Annie, and probably Irene, Geoff’s not sure if he can deal with losing Aden too.

It’s almost as if Aden can see Geoff tense up, because he’s immediately backpedalling. Murmuring hushed sentences, words rushing together.

“I didn’t mean, I just. I hate seeing you like this. You’re sad, and I want to do something. But there’s nothing I can do. Except maybe if I leave, then. Then, you could get your family back. I want you to be happy. Seeing you like this, it’s my fault, and I --”

“Don’t leave.” They are the only words he knows. The only ones Geoff wants to say. And Aden gets it. He reaches out, trailing the pad of his thumb down Geoff’s cheek, wiping away one last tear.

“Come inside,” Aden says softly, “when you’re ready.”

Geoff just nods as Aden stands and turns, walking away.

So Geoff is left alone, again, and he thinks he should be used to it by now. But he’s not. He just heaves a sigh and gets to his feet, completely drained. He only takes one step before something catches his eye.

At his feet, right where he was previously sitting is a white envelope, folded in half. Reaching down Geoff picks it up, turning it over in his fingers, examining his name on the front. Then he remembers shoving it into the back pocket of his pants, filing it away as ‘something to deal with later’. But later never came.

Now, he spies the crest in the top left hand corner and like before, his breath hitches in his chest, pulse races.

His body is aching, and he just wants to rest. To stop his brain from spinning, let everything catch up.

Geoff finally pries open the envelope and just stares. He’s reading the words, turning them over in his mind but they don’t seem to be making any sense. He doesn’t even realise that he’s walked into Aden’s place and is standing just inside the door. Aden is looking at him, concern etched on his face, staring at Geoff, and it’s all Geoff can do to just stare back.

Aden doesn’t say anything, just comes over, taking the paper from his tired fingers. Aden’s eyes dart over the text, reading and re-reading it, before his face breaks into a smile. A full on grin, eyes lighting up, and he lets out a burst of laughter.

Dear Geoff Campbell, We are pleased to offer you a spot at the University of --

“You got in,” he says, quietly first, almost like he can’t believe it either. But then, “You got in! Geoff, you’re going to university!” He grabs Geoff by the shoulders, hard, solid, and is staring directly into his eyes.

Then Geoff’s brain actually starts working again. Aden is looking at him, and he’s so excited, and Geoff should be happy too. He certainly never expected to get in to any sort of university. It was just one of those things. He filled in the applications when he was reapplying to sit his exams, sent them off and never thought of it again. Until now, when Aden has the acceptance letter in his hand and he’s smiling this brilliant smile, and the knot in Geoff’s stomach begins to loosen.

“Yeah,” Geoff finally chokes out. It’s a pitiful response, but it’s enough.

And then the reality hits him like an oncoming train. He re-reads the opening line of the letter once more.

We are pleased to offer you a spot at the University of Western Australia.

He can’t go. And he tells Aden this.

“Why not?” Aden almost demands. “Geoff, this is an amazing opportunity. This is what you always wanted.”

“It’s in Perth,” Geoff replies. “I’d have to pack up everything I own and move to the other side of the country.”

Aden stops, smile faltering.

“We could --” Aden trails off, almost like the thought of it is just that. A thought. Some sort of dream that is too good to be true.

“No, we couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

It’d be easy for Geoff to just bury is head in the sand. Put this whole idea away as something too big, too scary, and be prepared to work locally until he has some sort of savings, then. Then, in a few years time, maybe he can reapply, if he still wants to. He doesn’t have to do this now.

But everything is falling apart. He doesn’t even want to go back to Irene’s. Geoff can’t bring himself to call it ‘home’. All he’s got is the letter, the clothes on his back, and Aden.

Aden standing in front of him, real and ready, and dangling this idea in front of him like a carrot. He can almost touch it, taste it. It would be just the two of them, in a place where no one knew them. Walking around campus, side-by-side, holding hands, and no one batting an eye. They could get their own place, Geoff could get a part time job and it would be just him and Aden. But that’s all he wants. All Geoff needs.

“Yeah?”

There’s something in Geoff’s voice that hasn’t been there in a while. A glimmer of hope, of a future.

--